The Auditor Mag

printing press

St Hill has a new system of distributing the Auditor Mag in a digital version.

About time they moved into the 20th century. Though they probably print and mail copies too at enormous expense.

You can click on the link here to see it and increase their stats dramatically.

But there is really only one thing of interest: the “Recent Completions” stats.

Of course, they don’t give any time frame for the completions, but you know that it is a pretty lengthy span when the same person is listed as completing “Student Hat”, “Pro TR’s”, OT IV and OT V. It would seem therefore that this list covers a several MONTH period.

And thus it is VERY interesting to note that the TOTAL number of Survival Rundown completions is SIX.

And they completed a grand total of FIFTEEN people on the “new” GAG II Student Hat.

This apparently is what constitutes the GAG II BOOM that is being heard around the world.

It is a perfect indicator of what is really going on at “Ron’s Home”, the “next Ideal AO”…

Very little.

In fact, I would classify this as basically nothing — when compared to the cheering in the halls about “clearing the UK”.  There are 92 people born in the United Kingdom every HOUR. They complete fifteen GAG II Shats in two or maybe 3 MONTHS.

More evidence of the shriveling world of Miscavige.

PS: If anyone out there has information concerning the Gateshead Ideal Org (Sunderland/Newscastle) please email me. You can just click on the home page.



  1. says

    I like the LRH quote on page 4 – “nonauditors don’t succeed in this society very well.” True, look at poor old Miscavige for example.

    Is this electronic edition of The Auditor downloadable, or only readable online? It might be to their advantage to deny readers downloads or hard copy, so that once an issue is outdated they can make it disappear without trace.

  2. doigo says

    The sidebar ad on the magazine website was Backpacker when I viewed it. The phrase “take a hike” came to mind…hope some decide to do just that!

  3. Anon says

    Ha! You KNOW there is going to be a huge influx of a few thousand clicks due to your link – and some poor guy in that org is going to be told to do an analysis of what “caused the screaming affluence.”

  4. Jose Chung says

    Good news and bad news in one .
    Auditors Magazine goes digital, no auditors.
    Jane Kember completes GAK course ( Golden Age of Knowledge)
    That is remarkable.

  5. says

    This is why Scientology parishioners can and should sue David Miscavige and RTC in a class action: Miscavige has claimed that the new meter is 50,000x better than the old meter. Said another way, the old Quantum meter was 50,000x worse.

    Miscavige knew this some ten years ago — and yet he withheld this material fact and allowed Scientologists to pay money in good faith for auditing that was 50,000x worse. IMO, this is fraud perpetrated by the withholding of material facts.

    Miscavige represented that the old 50,000x worse Quantum met all RTC ecclesiastical standards.

    This means that RTC ecclesiastical standards have a +/- tolerance of 50,000x — in which case auditing is meaningless given this +/- variability.

    • Bruce Ploetz says

      I’ve been breaking my poor old brain trying to figure out what that number means.50,000 what? Possibly it is just a pure PR stab in the dark, like 6 million members or straight up and vertical number of closed insane asylums. There really is no “sensitivity” improvement as in strictly amplifier gain (so many needle wiggles per microwatt of theta power) – the gain is set to match the PC by can squeeze. There is no technical advantage in being able to connect to a corpse and still get a read…They could be talking about resolution of the data converters but if so the joke is on them – the Quantum is analog so in theory it already has infinite resolution! And a real measure of resolution would have to be a power of two, like 65,536, not 50,000. I guess you just have to chalk it up to hyperbole.

      The funniest part of the VIII saga is that not only did he know about it in 2002, he was demonstrating it to the whales on the Ship at the Maiden Voyage events. They knew about it too! And a lot of them probably knew about the VIIIs in Quantum clothing that infested the Flag service lines. Whales have been experiencing the 50,000 megaWatt Ultra experience for 16 years. And now they are supposed to crow and rave about how great it is.. Lo how the mighty hath fallen.

  6. says

    Has anyone any knowledge about whether or not there remains a print edition of any of the Auditor editions? (ASHOs and ANZO’s, etc.) I was the editor of the ASHO edition off and on over the years. I remember the engram that it was to pay for, for print and postage.

    There was a saying, I think it was even policy to promote it, “If you didn’t read it in The Auditor, it didn’t happen”; it was supposed to really be THE newspaper for Scientology. The closest it got to this was in the early 70’s when all the orgs for your continent would send in their course comps and their releases and the ASHO comps would be there, too: page after page of fine print. Lots of fun to rush to your mailbox and really SEE hundreds, perhaps thousands of comps each month. I was in Portland, and I would marvel at the amount of comps that SFO was getting, and NY; you’d see the ups and slumps of orgs over the years.

    You can see the contraction of Scientology through skimming through mid to late 70’s Auditors mags. When the Solution to Inflation ED had been in effect after several months, production in all orgs other than Flag and the AO started to fall rapidly, with less and less orgs reporting fewer and fewer completions. Then there was a resurgence in the late 70’s with all the Clears attesting. Then that dwindled. Asho and 90% of all the class V orgs became unviable and their stats were embarrassing! Asho ended up just reporting their own stats, and they were never anywhere near the mid-70’s and prior stats.

    The earlier Auditors actually were pretty newsy. There is also policy that it authorizes using it as something of a classifieds for Scientology, although I never saw much of that. But there were sometimes some very interesting articles of people in the field doing some pretty decent dissemination, through successful living or auditing. I remember specifically an article about an auditor having a thriving practice in the Seychelles. A pretty blonde; pictures of her sunning on the beach and then sitting behind a Mark V in some delicious surroundings! And there were all sorts of articles about this that did not seem “staged”. These issues gave me pleasant dreams about my future when I was a Class IV org staff member reading them.

    I remember being surprised reading that ANYONE ever died at all, and reading it in The Auditor! I TOTALLY believed that good auditing ought to minimize that, even end it, but there it was. I think that I probably rationalized it by thinking that the poor guy went a little PTS and got hit by a truck at full speed; certainly not through any disease!

    I think that it’s still true: “If you didn’t read it in The Auditor, it didn’t happen.” What I read in this issue is “not much happening” and I think that’s pretty accurate.

    When I want news about what’s happening in Scn, I get a lot more info at the Exscn forum!

  7. Roy Macgregor says

    Without people from Russia, Hungary, Slovakia etc, AOSH UK would have gone belly up a long time ago. In fact for many years AOSH UK has ONLY survived by sending tours to Europe. Now keep in mind, Europe has it’s own advanced org. The problem is that Scientology in England is dead, dead, deader than a proverbial door nail. So AOSHUK must constantly be out touring all over Europe and the post-soviet states desperately trying to get the few remaining sheeple to chose UK over their own EU.

    It’s all about hiding the truth. The “make it go right” mantra has become the ultimate cop out. Your org is collapsing? Hey, don’t bother trying to find a right why. Just go to the next guys patch and steal some of his people. Yes! We are “making it go right”. Now synonomous with “We are clueless but can at least cover up our crashing scene with something”.

    The whole “make it go right” mantra has become the master justification for every kind of slip shod bullshit cover up and botch job in the shrinking scieno world.

    Now if the big mantra in the SO was “find a right why and handle the hell out THAT” then things would be different – and of course David Miscavige would be long gone. Which I guess explains why the mantra is “make it go right (no matter what creepy disgusting thing you have to do)”.

    • Aquamarine says

      “The whole ‘make it go right’ mantra has become the master justification for every kind of slip shod bullshit cover up and botch job in the shrinking scieno world”.

      Well, my needle is certainly floating.

  8. Pilgrim says

    Mike, that phrase you are using, “the shriveling world of Miscavige” , seems to bite. Your thumb is right on the pulse. If I was Miscavige, that phrase would, at the very least, annoy me.

  9. Old School says

    A Flash publication? The morons even messed this up. Needs to be a pdf or epub. I remember trying, around ’98, to make ED Int understand why they needed to go digital promo and mags. He was unable to grasp the reality of the then current society and in addition, the HUGE cost advantage. About a year later I went to the HGB to see the D/COI OSAI and I told him that he should investigate and find out who was stopping dissem as above. Funny looking back on that now.

  10. says

    On the one hand, they’re joining the 21st century by distributing magazines digitally. That saves trees and eliminates mailing costs. On the other hand, this may not be such a great idea because they spent millions on the Bridge Pubs printing plant in LA which now has less work to do, so millions of dollars of state-of-the-art printing equipment is now more idle than ever before. Oops!

    • says


      The amount of damage she caused as “Guardian” by approving GO 1361 which set the course for the SO junta and bringing us to where we are now….


      Never mind.

      I’m sure Miscavige and his “friends” have given her one of those secret medals like the ones they hand out at CIA with a Top Secret commendation.

      Probably doing GAK on training awards.


      You go girl!

      (author rolls eyes)

      Seems the only other news that’s fit to print is there is not a single *Saint Hill* Special Briefing Course Grad at *Saint Hill*. At what they call “Ron’s Home”.

      More like “Ron’s home invasion”(TM)

      Plus other pathetic stats.

      Like 15 Student Hat completions.

      Well at least it’s a stat…..

      I guess.

      BTW the reason they don’t post any actual stats internationally is because they got rid of InCom some time back and now use what is left of what was once a vast computer network to monitor Scientology’s progress to some vast Orwellian effort to monitor Scientologists.

      Their stat scanners are now being used to scan in KRs and other so called “ethics reports” instead by RTC to track down any one who is “disaffected”.

      How do I know this?

      From first hand experience.

      My Roll Back included reports that were written on me from way back in the ’70’s. All neatly scanned and waiting for me in the Church of Scientology’s version of room 101.

      So getting accurate information about the Church of Scientology internationally is a chimera unless it’s GI which seems to be the only stat that they are concerned about.

      That stat I’m sure they have down to the last cent.

      Things like Paid Comps, VSD, CCCI,etc. ….fagetaboutit!

      News flash.

      The Church of Scientology has been on nothing but a GI push ever since they regained they’re Tax Exempt status back in ’93 which is exactly what I figured would happen.

      Any “shoddy substitute” of actual Scientology they are offering these days are just crumbs to attract the birds who are still hanging around.

      That’s it.

      ‘Nuff said.

      • Old School says

        “The Church of Scientology has been on nothing but a GI push ever since they regained they’re Tax Exempt status back in ’93 which is exactly what I figured would happen.”

        LOL! The church was on nothing but a GI push over a decade earlier than that. Anyone at Int level back then knows that.

        • says

          You’re probably right OS.

          Likely started with the IAS or just before that with SEF but I’d say it went to warp speed overdrive when they got 501ciii and they could promote the fact that “donations” were tax deductible.

  11. Potpie says

    You’re right Chuck…..I’d like to see that too.
    Seems the place is eating away on itself and
    there is only one outcome. There have to be
    a few of these management types who can still
    differentiate. Having the courage to speak out
    surely plays a part in this. I just can’t imagine
    all management types to be oblivious to what
    the true stats are showing.

    • Idle Morgue says

      I don’t think anyone “still in” putting up with the constant abuse, nullification and invalidation will ever leave.

      These people, I am afraid, are too far gone. They are suffering from Stockholm Syndrome and will go down with the ship.

      What will it take for them to be aware and in present time to face reality that Scientology has died a long time ago? If they can’t see it by now – they never will.

      • Morris Adams says

        Hello IM,

        You raise a very interesting point. It would be good to know if people are still leaving the RCS and at what rate. I can’t think of any way of getting this data in general. But some readers of this blog may know people who have recently left. This would be a good stat to have. Does anyone have any ideas on how to monitor this (without revealing any names)? Tracking the number of distinct individuals accessing the various “insane criminal defrocked apostate blogger sites on the fringes of the internet” might be one way of doing this.

      • Aquamarine says

        Idle M,

        I like to think that a portion of the still-ins are really NOT in, NOT on board, but just creating an illusion of being so to the powers-that-be.

        Without telling anyone, and while doing my own research on the internet, I withdrew that way. I just kept my head down, kept going to the larger events, began gradiently to cut off the money, except for some really small token donos here and there given to keep up appearances.

        Now, this was not rocket science on my part. It was just the safest, easiest way to first, get some space so I could do my research and sort thru and analyze a lot of data, and then, when I’d learned enough to make my decision, extricate myself after being on lines for more than 20 years. For about a year I had one foot out the door with my eyes and ears open and my mouth shut, while I armed myself with data and safepointed myself in other ways. During this time, if you had been a fly on the wall, you could have seen me at an event, like everyone else, clapping in appreciation of whatever bullshit was issuing from the Dwarf’s mouth.

        I withdrew this way, slowly, feeding my own truths to staff on a “need to know” basis and then only when I knew I was safe There was nothing brilliant or brave about my leave-taking. For me it was a practical maneuver which involved the least risk to my dynamics.

        I think that a portion of the still-ins are doing it this way as well. Sometimes I imagine myself as a fly on the wall of an event, scanning over the faces of the clapping seals to guess which of them are actually one foot out the door and devouring the internet.

  12. SILVIA says

    And what about the phrase they have “Training for Eternity”?

    The only Boom they are really having is all this fanciful, but unfortunately, non-meaningful phrases. I can see Black Heart spouting more lies in whichever the next event is, he will keep in mind that these will be eventually made known for what they are, just a charade.

  13. says

    Thanks for the link to the UK online Auditor Mag.

    I wish we had some manager type defectors from the HGB in Hollywood, those in Flag Bureau who felt compelled to speak out about the trends of the orgs’ major stats, by sector, and longer duration.

  14. says

    Putting these numbers in perspective…there are approximately 1200 Scnists who live in the East Grinstead area, which constitutes their field. Of those 1200, approximately 800 are Clear and above.

    15 Student Hat Completions is 1.25%. Judging by the ethnicity of the names in that list, I would guess probably 6 of the 15 are local, the rest from eastern Europe and elsewhere. This is a whopping 0.5% who have taken their first GAG II steps.

    Also note, the Golden Age of Knowledge completions used to be broken down by actual course name. As the numbers dwindle they have gotten grouped under the general banner of GAK. Expect this list to get smaller and smaller.

    For quite a few years now, a good portion of the onlines public at Saint Hill have been from the frontier areas including former Soviet Union countries and Eastern Europe. Implying that SH has essentially burned their field and now have to travel thousands of miles to rustle up some people to deliver to.

    I would venture to say that only 10-15% of their local field are active and onlines.

  15. Mahakala says

    AOSH UK, home of the Saint Hill Special Briefing Course. No completion, not even of a single level of it.

    • says

      That stuck out like a sore thumb to me too. ZERO SHSBC levels completions. NONE. I do know a guy who just finished all the BC tapes but wouldn’t do it at St Hill if he was forced there with a blunt instrument. Also noteworthy – to me anyway- is Paul Nash going Clear. Paul has been onlines since approximately Victorian times. A bit of a geezer is Paul – likeable but you you wouldn’t want to buy a used car from him. His Clear success video was on Tony O’s blog recently. One time I was doing some promotion for his building business. He had a little technique when doing “surveys” on older people’s property. He had a damp meter device that would emit a little noise when detecting damp. Since there is no such thing as 0% humidity it always made a noise. Somehow Paul had modified it so that it made a dramatic kind of screeching noise – the result was he could pass this thing over the walls and make a lot of “oh dear” noises and there was much sucking of air through teeth. “Well madam, there really seems to be a damp problem here”… you get the idea. What a character. Guess it paid for his GAT services.