“The back porch of oblivion”. Mucho chuckles with this one! Now I can’t wait for COB’s next speech. Go figure; I used to dread them, now I look forward to them! Thanks, RB, you da bes.
Breaking News: RB a world class cartoonist caught using remote viewing and exposing a psychopathic cult leader on the internet. Admiring readers ask, who is he and how does he do it. We all look forward to his coming out party when “the party” is over.
I love these so much, RB, but this one hits it out the park. This is a description of a prison asylum, complete with the prisoner/patient bartering system: cigarettes, coffee, performing favors, negotiating terror trips to A”the man, patients believing they’re soldiers in the war zone, enduring the torture for The Cause while the warden counts his coins.
Regraded Being, absolutely hilarious! “Don’t say anything about front porches or balconies!” LOL. A little look inside the world of D.M. Thanks RB. As a side note: I would be so annoyed at being told to salute a dog. – T.J.
In DM’s New Year speech last December, he pulled out a line about “the front porch of infinity”, perhaps the stupidest Shermanspeak analogy he’s ever used. It became an instant go-to line for us to add to our quiver of ridicule.
The meeting with Niblet is the very definition of psychopathy. With perhaps 10-20 thousand active clams and 3-5 thousand staff and Sea bOrg, how long can the clampire exist in its current cash flow? If senior staff have to trade cigarettes for favors, what is the toilet paper situation like?
The comment about ‘bailing out’ failing mOrgs is all too telling. The IAS slush fund is being drained, we just don’t see the withdrawal slips from the Bank of Offshore Money Laundering.
I’m just playing with some numbers. If it costs $50/week for housing and food and $20/week pocket money for each seaborg member, then $70 X 5,000 = $350,000 per week to keep the bodies moving. There goes some interest income. That explains rice and beans and little to no pay.
Dear RB, while on the Fleesewinds with COB, he was surrounded by fawning sciophants in fear of each other
and trying to obtain approval of any kind. This is most likely the way they react to him today.
Once the COB spoke to me in a friendly way praising me for my event production , while I was walking past him and his slaves, and they slavered looking at me in awe. I could see their pictures, How can we kill him!
I give you this data so you can incorporate it in your blog. This is the way they truly react to the COB.
Oh one more data for you. The COB is a sick evil MARCABIAN son- of -a -bitch.
“Miscavige is a sick evil markabian son of a bitch” excellent definition!
Yes, one day someone will grab him by the collar and throw him through the window! They will be less suppressed.
Hi RB, A home-run piece that had me jumping around saying” Thank god it is a RB Friday!” Just read this one more than twice! My favorite part out of all I love is dm going over the speech notes.Classic and plain hysterical!! Let us hope it goes on down downhill for him forever.
RB you also have restorative powers.Whenever I read your work even when you point out the great sadness and injustice which goes hand in glove with cos, a weight peels off my soul. You are a true guiding-hero light.xo always,Ann.
Bartering with cigarettes for services and favors like prisoners do in prison — oh wait, they ARE in prison: the prison of DM’s Mind….
Knowing how little that Sea Org Oopa-Loompas are paid, it’s amazing they can afford a pack of cigarettes….maybe they smoke the less-known brands that are somewhat less expensive? Or they have relatives buy cigs for them? Or they go without several meals in order to afford a pack?
Hi Bryce Byerley, Thank you for your post and good to meet you.You sparked a memory of those packs of Kools in Ron’s Office when I had to clean it on my first QM.I will never forget I Must Not Sit In Ron’s Chair and dust His Desk from that Chair.And never move the packs of Kools ever from where they were placed.At least I mastered that command Laughter,Always,Ann.
Once I received my SO ‘pay’, counted out, carefully, how much I could spend on smokes, and how much on other necessities like vendor machine hot chocolate, in the week ahead.
I walked across the road to a private vending machine near the sea org base, and slotted my valuable coins into the cigarette machine………..and. the. damn. thing. swallowed them all and didn’t spit out the cigarettes. OMG! Tragedy.
It took me all of the rest of the week tracking down the owner and happily getting a refund, and, with trepidation, did it again, and it spat them out successfully this time.
DM: What’s it like not to have a clue! I have plenty of clues! Sherman gives me clues all the fucking time! Let ME clue YOU in! If we don’t get more fucking people in, no one is going to have a clue!!!! Understand me??? No one! You’re all so fucking clueless that I have to go looking for clues! I want to know why no one is coming into the buildings I picked out? Anyone got a clue on that? NO??? Fuck! It’s always up to me to find the God damn clues! ALRIGHT! NO CLUES? I want every single person at Int to go out and search for those fucking clues! YOU GOT ME?? You all have 3 days to find those fucking clues!!!!! And when you do, bring them to me PRONTO! If I happen to be wasted on Scotch, just leave them on my fucking desk and I’ll get to them later! I have to do everything. EVERYTHING!!!!!!! Now, where’s that board game called, “Clue.” Maybe I could find some clues there. Yeah, yeah, that’s it!!! Fuck, I have to do every single thing around here. Everyone here is a CSCIDB! Hey! Maybe I should start another cult……umm…..I mean religion! Then everybody would get a clue. I am such a fucking genius…..
Another fine job RB. Thank you for making me LOLOLOLOL! Draw a cartoon of Sherman. That little tiny man with the outdated mullet. Saw him with COB and Stuckenbock (David Miscavige’s Tu-Dee) at an Idle Morgue event. They ALL gave me the creeps.
I picked up that they idea that the three of them thought they were better than everyone else and I never attended another Idle Morgue event and blew shortly thereafter. I could tell David MIscavige was having a Tu Dee with Lauresse Stuckenbrock too – picked up on the flows.
Looks like I had not audited out those “danger” signals after all. Thank God I kept that part of my mind that warns me of creeps. It was spot on!
Shelly is on Long Term Birth control in D.M.s
Tower of London in the mountains of San Bernardino.
Lou is his his close contact for special operations as such
or as rumors have it.
Is it known, that Lou’s former husband – Uwe Stuckenbrock (RIP; former INT Base Security Chief) is the son of Dieter Stuckenbrock, who has to stay away from DM a certain distance? (Restraining order ?!?)
Sort of funny – looks like DM is having a M/WH phenomena there.
DM, you are so busted – there is really noone you can trust. Not even your butlers…
People ARE talking when one knows HOW to talk to THEM, their BT’s and/or their CLUSTERS/ENTITIES.
This is actually OT III stuff – and when one is overwhelmed by all those “communication terminals” then one can become TYPE III…. mmhhh….
It’s actually funny to extract information that way. Espionage par excellance.
And dear DM, you hopefully know AXIOM ONE inside out and also the FACTORS. Hint: Phoenix Lectures.
Simply ask an OTVIII if he knows if COHA is being audited somewhere along the line or HOM.
Their facial expression is usually priceless – and their unwillingness to further communication with a person.
It’ll show up in the 6 months checks and THAT WILL REALLLY COST THEM SOME MONEY NOWADAYS!!!
SHOW them the reference about “OT ORGS” where LRH OPENLY WRITES ABOUT DATA THAT COMES FROM THE OTVIII RESEARCH!
Nothing confidential there. Because every living Being wants to communicate and be understood and granted Beingness – COMMUNICATION IS LIFE! See your Free-Online-Courses and Dianetics 55!.
So there is no way for you to keep on pretending things that more and more people know are not true.
Let’s also be fair and let’s take a look at what you DID RIGHT when you did the DANGER-condition on LRH and thereby took over the responsibility for a planet with ~7,5 billions inhabitants:
1. You did a good job of taking over Scientology, Dianetics and the Trademarks. Very well done!
2. You did a very good job of applying the “Responsibilities of Leaders” reference. Also very well done!
3. You did an excellent job of getting the tax-exempt-status for all those legal entities. Awsome!
4. You did a quite shitty presentation about LRH’s death – way too unprofessional and too much lies. Tsk.
5. You did a wonderful job of setting up slushfunds [IAS etc] for “someone” to come back from “Target 2”
so he can continue with his plans of Clearing the planet and to handle the real source(S) of suppression.
Remember? ENGERY, WATER and the MENTAL CONDITIONS OF THE FELLOW HUMAN BEINGS?
Does the old guy [Norman] still has the energy-converter-modells and research papers on that?
He better does or they are in the vaults, otherwise he may assign himself straight away to the RPF and
help rebuild these modells. In that case he should have that cursing Mr. RA James Byrne as a twin –
this ‘son of a *’*”$!!!!’ 🙂
6. Clever turns to keep out of the ligitations – but in the end, it will not help. Why?
Because Scientology/Dianetics do not deliver what a lot of people have thought it would deliver.
They underestimated the importance of 8-8008 and what it REALLY means.
The public has also never REALLY understood the Lower Conditions… so, well done on putting those OT’s
back onto the beginning of The Bridge.
The Grade Chart and the Org-Board go together – but people weren’t/aren’t aware enough of what
keeps these two seperate things together! The AWARENESS-LEVELS!!!
Every old seasoned Executive will be able to tell you that the Org-Board is a SPIRAL!
It goes 7-1-2-3-4-5-6 and after 6 it continues again 1-2-3-4-5-6 and so on!
People also didn’t understand the scope of the lower conditions.
CONFUSION Find out where you are. [you=the Being, the body, the entities, the BT’s, the clusters]
TREASON Find out that you A-R-E!!! [OT III; ‘you’ is being used here as PLURAL!]
ENEMY Find out who YOU REALLY are!!! [OT VIII; ‘YOU’ is being used now as SINGULAR!]
7. You did very good on investing into real-estates. The financial market is going to crash sooner or later.
You got good lawyers there, who know how to play the Game. Get John P. Capitalist into the boat.
He’s great and spot on!
8. Well done on getting those books edited under the LRH-Trademark. But the implementation/justification
was absolutely unprofessional! Where is the Chapter about ‘Havingness’ in the DMSMH?!?!
9. You took on LRH’s-Beingness pretty well – now you will have to pay for the old man’s sins. That’s the price.
10. Thanks for having replaced LRH for the last 30 years. He apologizes for having misdirected you about
his re-appearance – but you figured that one out… 😉
The work on Target #2 is about finished. Most of these people involved in that particular project aren’t
fully aware, that it’s them who are actually working on Target #2! Target #2 is NOT another planet.
It’s the next step to get that increasing number of entities into PT and out of their stuck incidents.
That’s why it was good to get those >OT III’s redo the lower Bridge – BUT EXPLAIN IN TO THEM!!!!!!!!
Especially those completed OT VIII’s should now hopefully cognite the full width and depth of the
command:
W-H-O IS MOVING THAT HAND?
11. DM, to get you out of the spotlight do the following:
A. Let there be an AMNESTY for EVERYONE! A REAL AMNESTY WITH REAL FORGIVINGNESS
AND NO SECRET OSA-FILING OR SO!
B. APOLOGIZE TO ALL THE PUBLIC FOR EVERY SINGULAR INJUSTICE THAT HAS OCCURRED!
C. LET EVERY STAFF-MEMBER HAVE THE ETHICS-REPAIR-LIST
D. GET E-V-E-R-Y UNJUSTICE LOCATED, HANDLED AND LET THE TRUTH SHINE!
THIS IS WHAT SCIENTOLOGY IS ABOUT.
E. Reinstate the WDC, ED Int & Snr C/S Int Office, etc. and let everyone in The Hole get the
ORIGINAL ETHICS-REPAIR-LIST TO THE FULL EP.
THE TRUTH IS, THEY A-R-E GOOD PEOPLE!
THAT THEY ARE SUPPOSEDLY NOT IS A LIE AS IT IS LATER ON THE TRACK.
SEND THEM ON VACATION – i.e. THE FREEWINDS. RISE THEIR HAVINGNESS ETC.
F. Let the Public know, that LRH’s was/is NOT a singular person, but was a Cluster himself.
That’s why the mood-swings. Tell them, he is Sorry, but he saw no other solution at the time.
G. Contact me by answering to this comment and leave a number to call.
H. STOP PRACTICING DISCONNECTION – RATHER DO ANOTHER REFORM CODE!
F-O-R R-E-A-L !!!
I. Put Marlboro Menthols with Double Click on the tables in the LRH Offices – they are great.
It’s up to you Misc – or to you Ingo Lehmann [The web sites look great! 😉 ] – or to you Cathy True.
I have to tell y’all … whenever I think about it, and I wouldn’t say I think about it a lot … just the idea of how Scientologists have followed ONE asshole over the past thirty years and have done EVERYTHING the asshole has told them to do … I actually get a Flow zero embarrassment thing going on. Not like regret. Just fucking EMBARASSING “from me to me” that MY group for over 35 years was made up by so many people who were at this level of existence and “enlightenment.” I still feel I made tons of case gain in training and processing, but on the THIRD dynamic? Folks, there was some SERIOUSLY wrong and bad shit goin’ on, I’m tellin’ ya.
J & D deluxe…I’m in awe of Regraded Being for his ability to as is the COB’s maniacal demeanor.. Saluting his dogs… reminiscent of the time Caligula made his horse a senator. lol
I actually think that DM might be a reincarnated Caligula.
So many of the things are the same – fixations on the biggest, grandest “houses” and buildings, the animals, the sheer evil in the way he would deal with people, just to see them squirm, etc.
I think Caligula was diseased. Like I say, I think he’s reincarnated in the person of DM. So what does that make DM?
From Wiki:
“There are few surviving sources about the reign of Emperor Caligula, although he is described as a noble and moderate ruler during the first six months of his reign. After this, the sources focus upon his cruelty, sadism, extravagance, and sexual perversity, presenting him as an insane tyrant. While the reliability of these sources is questionable, it is known that during his brief reign, Caligula worked to increase the unconstrained personal power of the emperor, as opposed to countervailing powers within the principate.
“He directed much of his attention to ambitious construction projects and luxurious dwellings for himself, and initiated the construction of two aqueducts in Rome: the Aqua Claudia and the Anio Novus. During his reign, the empire annexed the Kingdom of Mauretania as a province.”
I wonder how much one RB comic is worth in bartered Sea Org cigarettes in their Prison Economy?
Given the ever-rising cost of cigs these days, DM could make a killing (pun intended) if he had his own special Big Being brand of cigs marketed within CO$ which all Sea Org would be forced to buy — that way, DM would make some additional revenue from all the bartering going on in the whispering halls. Of course as a condition for purchase, each Sea Org smoker would have to sign an additional Billion Year Contract pledging not to sue COB or CO$ if the Sea Org member ever got cancer from smoking the cigs.
That way, DM could stop squeezing more blood from stone to raise $$$, amd instead squeeze more $$$ from the lungs of Sea Org Oompa-Loompa Minions.
You are correct about that Bruce. Cigarettes in New York City are $14.50 a pack. If a person smokes a pack a day that is $5,292.50 a year up in smoke, provided the price does not go up. I understand that David Miscavige loves to smoke. In the Church of Scientology a person that smokes can be considered a well and happy high IQ human being. If this persists, the only way the Church of Scientology will be able to make money is to steal it. But that is nothing new for them. They have decades of experience in it. And it is easy to see where it wound them up on top of it. 🙂
If Miscavige has asthma it means his adrenal glands are shot. Smoking stimulates his adrenals and gives him “energy”. It also fools the body into believing its been fed and in this way it curbs the appetite. I bet he’d blow up like a blimp if he stopped smoking.
Damn! I cannot believe smokes cost that much in NYC. That’s nuts. I used to smoke but quit last year. Here in So Cal, I never paid more than $5.50 – $6.00 ..and even that price is ridiculous.
One of my most favorite quotes by Hubbard – because of its sheer absurdity – is that a person only gets cancer by “not smoking enough”. Hysterical and tragic all at once.
Hi KaterineINCali, Good to meet you.That is great you quit cigs too.I have to say of all the quotes from Ron,the one you posted is most ironic to me.But then again he always had a most convoluted way of writing and speaking.Even in my fiercest KoolAid Sea Org Days I could never get used to the British accent.LaughterAlways,Ann.
Hi Ann. We’ve actually replied back and forth once before, but you probably don’t remember because I don’t post very often (even though I read Mike’s blog almost every day). I read Tony’s blog a lot, too. My username there is JaxNGold. Don’t know why I didn’t use the same username here — that was lame of me..lol. Anyway, good to hear you quit cigs, too!
Hubbard’s insane and bizarre writings never cease to amaze me. Every time I think I’ve heard it all, I see/read something by him that’s even more ridiculous. So glad you’re out! Take care.
Hi KatherineINCali, Oh snap! As soon as I sent my post to you I remembered you! Felt silly not realizing that! Between these computers and turning 65 pretty soon lord knows how I remember what day it is! Laughter! I had not seen your posts in awhile so that explains the brain freeze.Always look for your posts.So happy I will see you here when you want.Love Always,Ann.
KatherineINCalisays
Jesus, RB… you’re hysterical. I’m dying over this one!!
“I like Pivotal. People like it when I say Pivotal”
“Tell him I better not say anything about front porches or balconies or anything like that..”
“Tell him that if he fucks it up, I’m gonna send him to the back porch of oblivion”
I literally laughed for ten minutes straight. My husband thought I was nuts. He’s like “what’s so damn funny??”. This one was brilliant, RB!
My guess is that the Sea Org uses the hand-rolling machines and store their smokes in a Kool box, or whatever the correct brand is. One brand of rolling machine was Laramie, popular in the 1970s. You can buy pre-formed cigarette tubes with filters already attached.
From Bruce the 35-year in to Bruce the Never-in, good morning and well done. To answer your question from up thread a bit, quite a few in the Sea Org at the Gold base roll their own. Others make deals with the ones that fly out to set up events for Dave. When they go to places like the Caribbean quite a few packs of ciggies get smuggled back to the Gold base. Or at least that was how it was 12 years ago when I was there.
As regards cancer, Hubbard clearly said in several places that smoking cures cancer. This is not his idea originally, it is a confusion between the words “Nicotine” and “nicotonic acid” or niacin. In the 40s I believe it was thought that smoking would be a good way to get helpful vitamins into the lungs, curing all kinds of ills. Since niacin causes a skin flush, and so does exposure to radiation in small doses, Hubbard thought that niacin could also cure radiation sickness. So that is why he said that the Purification Rundown with its 5,000 mg doses of niacin would help Scientologists survive World War Three.
Richard, I have never seen a woman use chewing tobacco. But quite a few men at the Gold Base did when I was there, they sold it in the little convenience shop they call the “Canteen”. There is nothing more disgusting than finding a bit of “chaw” someplace it should not ever be. Like under your shoe on the sidewalk or in a planter.
Just because the chewer suddenly had to respond to someone and had to get rid of it fast. Such as when someone higher than you in the pecking order requires your immediate attention loudly and with extreme prejudice.
Such is life at the elite top of the Scientology Org Board – riding high in April, shot down in May. A bit like working in a mine field, seems like everything is OK and all of a sudden BLAM it all blows up.
Do something right, everybody is all smiles as long as it is verified that the top management is truly pleased. Any hint of a weakness – everybody and their brother feels free to dump on you and you get the blame no matter what happens.
No wonder people come out of there with a bit of PTSD.
Bruce – For sure about the PTSD. It takes some people years to recover. I had it easy since I was mostly public and my time was pre-DM. The only good thing about those miserable conditions is that abuse overcomes programming and more people blow.
On a lighter note, the old Ma and Pa Kettle shows (mountain hillbillies) had Granny chewing. I was mocking up a pissed off lady Ethics Officer with a mouthful of chew. That would be a terrifying sight!
DM could have fun micro managing the design of the spittoons and the RPFers would keep them spotless.
Richard and Bruce, I think chewing tobacco would be better than cigarettes for SO women. Frontier women in the Old West used to chew and they were tough, no-nonsense females. I think a chaw of tobacco wedged in the jaw would go well with the cold chrome steel dedicated glare schtick that Miscavige wants his gals to project.
Hi Aquamarine, Your post had me laughing at the image of the tough Sea Org woman chewing that foul stuff and maintaining that so OT of OT dedicated steel titanium stare glare.Thank you, I loved this.xoAnn.
Hi Aquamarine, Oh yes I take a big RX of laughter everyday.My laughter comes from all you lovely lights here coupled with the total absurdity of cos then and now and gosh! I met some Trolls here.I never thought….?xxoo Ann.
“We Come Back” remade, with row upon row of SO standing, arms folded, very stern with fixed dedicated glares etc. and large chaws in their jaws……DM in front, about to spit one out…OMG, this picture… I can’t stop laughing!
chuckbeatty77 says
Go…wait…..go…..wait…..GO!
Cramming Order:
Start change stop.
Gadfly says
Davey spoke volumes of tripe
Promised an end to all psychs
Created a mess
With his golden age dreck
In a dwindling miasma of hype
One Point Won says
RB,
OMG!
ML, 1.1
Aquamarine says
“The back porch of oblivion”. Mucho chuckles with this one! Now I can’t wait for COB’s next speech. Go figure; I used to dread them, now I look forward to them! Thanks, RB, you da bes.
gtsix says
RB, you are hilarious.
The line “Don’t mention porches or balconies” had me laughing out loud at work.
thanks you for making Friday so fun. Keep up the cartooning!
justmeteehee says
Love them all but this is my favourite RB yet, and that’s saying something.
Overunincalifornia says
I couldn’t help but read Dave’s raving with Larry David’s voice when he impersonates George Steinbrenner on Seinfeld.
Ron Dolittle says
Breaking News: RB a world class cartoonist caught using remote viewing and exposing a psychopathic cult leader on the internet. Admiring readers ask, who is he and how does he do it. We all look forward to his coming out party when “the party” is over.
TheHoleDoesNotExist says
I love these so much, RB, but this one hits it out the park. This is a description of a prison asylum, complete with the prisoner/patient bartering system: cigarettes, coffee, performing favors, negotiating terror trips to A”the man, patients believing they’re soldiers in the war zone, enduring the torture for The Cause while the warden counts his coins.
It’s so damn funny because it’s so damn real.
SILVIA says
Hilarious indeed and maybe that is why the still few scientologists remaining are not doing well…after all they are connected to a Suppressive Person.
Who? You guessed it right, is Miscavige.
T.J. says
Regraded Being, absolutely hilarious! “Don’t say anything about front porches or balconies!” LOL. A little look inside the world of D.M. Thanks RB. As a side note: I would be so annoyed at being told to salute a dog. – T.J.
Gus Cox says
Ha! And that’s not even the worst of it!
“Woof!”
“Yes, SIR!”
indie8million says
Sorry I’m missing it, what is the reference about porches? I don’t get the connection.
Espiando says
In DM’s New Year speech last December, he pulled out a line about “the front porch of infinity”, perhaps the stupidest Shermanspeak analogy he’s ever used. It became an instant go-to line for us to add to our quiver of ridicule.
indie8million says
Hi Espiando – AHA! Oh, well I’m glad to be in on the joke! Pfft.
Would this, aforementioned porch be something like this? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qtmi4Nc-3dE
McCarran says
I wonder when I read these sometimes if you get inside scoop from someone who works closely with dave.
The fifth frame had me laughing out loud, RB – everything about it. So funny.
Alice Graves says
Thank you RB – Brilliant as always.
zemooo says
The meeting with Niblet is the very definition of psychopathy. With perhaps 10-20 thousand active clams and 3-5 thousand staff and Sea bOrg, how long can the clampire exist in its current cash flow? If senior staff have to trade cigarettes for favors, what is the toilet paper situation like?
The comment about ‘bailing out’ failing mOrgs is all too telling. The IAS slush fund is being drained, we just don’t see the withdrawal slips from the Bank of Offshore Money Laundering.
Richard says
I’m just playing with some numbers. If it costs $50/week for housing and food and $20/week pocket money for each seaborg member, then $70 X 5,000 = $350,000 per week to keep the bodies moving. There goes some interest income. That explains rice and beans and little to no pay.
shelley says
Brilliant. 🙂
NOLAGirl says
RB, if he says ‘pivotal’ in his next speech I’m going to laugh-cry so hard. 😀
McCarran says
Me too! So funny.
Aquamarine says
Yes, “pivotal”! I’ll be waiting for that word!
Elron Hubbard (@thetanplace) says
This version of DM makes me think of a nasty version of Larry David’s “George Steinbrenner” character on Seinfeld.
Willie AKA Good Old Boy says
Dear RB, while on the Fleesewinds with COB, he was surrounded by fawning sciophants in fear of each other
and trying to obtain approval of any kind. This is most likely the way they react to him today.
Once the COB spoke to me in a friendly way praising me for my event production , while I was walking past him and his slaves, and they slavered looking at me in awe. I could see their pictures, How can we kill him!
I give you this data so you can incorporate it in your blog. This is the way they truly react to the COB.
Oh one more data for you. The COB is a sick evil MARCABIAN son- of -a -bitch.
NOLAGirl says
It must drive him insane to know that the rest of the world thinks he’s a joke. If he ever allows those thoughts to enter his tiny mind, that is.
Glad you got the hell out of the insanity Willie.
alcoboy says
Willie, you were one of the lucky ones. When I got to look at COB up close, he gave me a dirty look.
FG says
“Miscavige is a sick evil markabian son of a bitch” excellent definition!
Yes, one day someone will grab him by the collar and throw him through the window! They will be less suppressed.
Ann B Watson says
Hi RB, A home-run piece that had me jumping around saying” Thank god it is a RB Friday!” Just read this one more than twice! My favorite part out of all I love is dm going over the speech notes.Classic and plain hysterical!! Let us hope it goes on down downhill for him forever.
RB you also have restorative powers.Whenever I read your work even when you point out the great sadness and injustice which goes hand in glove with cos, a weight peels off my soul. You are a true guiding-hero light.xo always,Ann.
T.J. says
I so agree with you Ann B. I look forward to Fridays because of RB comic strips. 🙂
Jose Chung says
Insight on the Clampire. Should be made into a play.
Yes,Tom goes to hot girls in Jail.
Old Surfer Dude says
But the hot girls don’t go to him….
Phil says
I think RB 47x funnier this week than all previous subsets of snarky humor units combined since endless millenniums … “Standing ovation”
Old Surfer Dude says
Phil, I believe it’s 60x. You’re selling him short….
Gus Cox says
Hip Hip, HooRAH!
Gadfly says
Hip, Hip, no Dave.
Bruce ( the "Never In" ) says
Bartering with cigarettes for services and favors like prisoners do in prison — oh wait, they ARE in prison: the prison of DM’s Mind….
Knowing how little that Sea Org Oopa-Loompas are paid, it’s amazing they can afford a pack of cigarettes….maybe they smoke the less-known brands that are somewhat less expensive? Or they have relatives buy cigs for them? Or they go without several meals in order to afford a pack?
Bryce Byerley says
Well, there always seems to be a pack of Kools in that office in the Org that no one ever uses. It’s not like anyone will notice…
Ann B Watson says
Hi Bryce Byerley, Thank you for your post and good to meet you.You sparked a memory of those packs of Kools in Ron’s Office when I had to clean it on my first QM.I will never forget I Must Not Sit In Ron’s Chair and dust His Desk from that Chair.And never move the packs of Kools ever from where they were placed.At least I mastered that command Laughter,Always,Ann.
Richard says
Laughter! Another “Kool” sea borg tidbit from Ann!
Subreption says
Bruce (the Never In)
Once I received my SO ‘pay’, counted out, carefully, how much I could spend on smokes, and how much on other necessities like vendor machine hot chocolate, in the week ahead.
I walked across the road to a private vending machine near the sea org base, and slotted my valuable coins into the cigarette machine………..and. the. damn. thing. swallowed them all and didn’t spit out the cigarettes. OMG! Tragedy.
It took me all of the rest of the week tracking down the owner and happily getting a refund, and, with trepidation, did it again, and it spat them out successfully this time.
Smokes were a seriously business indeed
Leslie Bates says
DM,
What’s it like to not have a clue?
Old Surfer Dude says
DM: What’s it like not to have a clue! I have plenty of clues! Sherman gives me clues all the fucking time! Let ME clue YOU in! If we don’t get more fucking people in, no one is going to have a clue!!!! Understand me??? No one! You’re all so fucking clueless that I have to go looking for clues! I want to know why no one is coming into the buildings I picked out? Anyone got a clue on that? NO??? Fuck! It’s always up to me to find the God damn clues! ALRIGHT! NO CLUES? I want every single person at Int to go out and search for those fucking clues! YOU GOT ME?? You all have 3 days to find those fucking clues!!!!! And when you do, bring them to me PRONTO! If I happen to be wasted on Scotch, just leave them on my fucking desk and I’ll get to them later! I have to do everything. EVERYTHING!!!!!!! Now, where’s that board game called, “Clue.” Maybe I could find some clues there. Yeah, yeah, that’s it!!! Fuck, I have to do every single thing around here. Everyone here is a CSCIDB! Hey! Maybe I should start another cult……umm…..I mean religion! Then everybody would get a clue. I am such a fucking genius…..
Wognited and Out says
Another fine job RB. Thank you for making me LOLOLOLOL! Draw a cartoon of Sherman. That little tiny man with the outdated mullet. Saw him with COB and Stuckenbock (David Miscavige’s Tu-Dee) at an Idle Morgue event. They ALL gave me the creeps.
I picked up that they idea that the three of them thought they were better than everyone else and I never attended another Idle Morgue event and blew shortly thereafter. I could tell David MIscavige was having a Tu Dee with Lauresse Stuckenbrock too – picked up on the flows.
Looks like I had not audited out those “danger” signals after all. Thank God I kept that part of my mind that warns me of creeps. It was spot on!
alcoboy says
DM having a 2D with someone other than Shelley? Ohhhhhhhhhhhh! Talk about out-ethics on the second dynamic! Somebody KR this guy!
Jose Chung says
Shelly is on Long Term Birth control in D.M.s
Tower of London in the mountains of San Bernardino.
Lou is his his close contact for special operations as such
or as rumors have it.
DS says
Is it known, that Lou’s former husband – Uwe Stuckenbrock (RIP; former INT Base Security Chief) is the son of Dieter Stuckenbrock, who has to stay away from DM a certain distance? (Restraining order ?!?)
Sort of funny – looks like DM is having a M/WH phenomena there.
DM, you are so busted – there is really noone you can trust. Not even your butlers…
People ARE talking when one knows HOW to talk to THEM, their BT’s and/or their CLUSTERS/ENTITIES.
This is actually OT III stuff – and when one is overwhelmed by all those “communication terminals” then one can become TYPE III…. mmhhh….
It’s actually funny to extract information that way. Espionage par excellance.
And dear DM, you hopefully know AXIOM ONE inside out and also the FACTORS. Hint: Phoenix Lectures.
Simply ask an OTVIII if he knows if COHA is being audited somewhere along the line or HOM.
Their facial expression is usually priceless – and their unwillingness to further communication with a person.
It’ll show up in the 6 months checks and THAT WILL REALLLY COST THEM SOME MONEY NOWADAYS!!!
SHOW them the reference about “OT ORGS” where LRH OPENLY WRITES ABOUT DATA THAT COMES FROM THE OTVIII RESEARCH!
Nothing confidential there. Because every living Being wants to communicate and be understood and granted Beingness – COMMUNICATION IS LIFE! See your Free-Online-Courses and Dianetics 55!.
So there is no way for you to keep on pretending things that more and more people know are not true.
Let’s also be fair and let’s take a look at what you DID RIGHT when you did the DANGER-condition on LRH and thereby took over the responsibility for a planet with ~7,5 billions inhabitants:
1. You did a good job of taking over Scientology, Dianetics and the Trademarks. Very well done!
2. You did a very good job of applying the “Responsibilities of Leaders” reference. Also very well done!
3. You did an excellent job of getting the tax-exempt-status for all those legal entities. Awsome!
4. You did a quite shitty presentation about LRH’s death – way too unprofessional and too much lies. Tsk.
5. You did a wonderful job of setting up slushfunds [IAS etc] for “someone” to come back from “Target 2”
so he can continue with his plans of Clearing the planet and to handle the real source(S) of suppression.
Remember? ENGERY, WATER and the MENTAL CONDITIONS OF THE FELLOW HUMAN BEINGS?
Does the old guy [Norman] still has the energy-converter-modells and research papers on that?
He better does or they are in the vaults, otherwise he may assign himself straight away to the RPF and
help rebuild these modells. In that case he should have that cursing Mr. RA James Byrne as a twin –
this ‘son of a *’*”$!!!!’ 🙂
6. Clever turns to keep out of the ligitations – but in the end, it will not help. Why?
Because Scientology/Dianetics do not deliver what a lot of people have thought it would deliver.
They underestimated the importance of 8-8008 and what it REALLY means.
The public has also never REALLY understood the Lower Conditions… so, well done on putting those OT’s
back onto the beginning of The Bridge.
The Grade Chart and the Org-Board go together – but people weren’t/aren’t aware enough of what
keeps these two seperate things together! The AWARENESS-LEVELS!!!
Every old seasoned Executive will be able to tell you that the Org-Board is a SPIRAL!
It goes 7-1-2-3-4-5-6 and after 6 it continues again 1-2-3-4-5-6 and so on!
People also didn’t understand the scope of the lower conditions.
CONFUSION Find out where you are. [you=the Being, the body, the entities, the BT’s, the clusters]
TREASON Find out that you A-R-E!!! [OT III; ‘you’ is being used here as PLURAL!]
ENEMY Find out who YOU REALLY are!!! [OT VIII; ‘YOU’ is being used now as SINGULAR!]
7. You did very good on investing into real-estates. The financial market is going to crash sooner or later.
You got good lawyers there, who know how to play the Game. Get John P. Capitalist into the boat.
He’s great and spot on!
8. Well done on getting those books edited under the LRH-Trademark. But the implementation/justification
was absolutely unprofessional! Where is the Chapter about ‘Havingness’ in the DMSMH?!?!
9. You took on LRH’s-Beingness pretty well – now you will have to pay for the old man’s sins. That’s the price.
10. Thanks for having replaced LRH for the last 30 years. He apologizes for having misdirected you about
his re-appearance – but you figured that one out… 😉
The work on Target #2 is about finished. Most of these people involved in that particular project aren’t
fully aware, that it’s them who are actually working on Target #2! Target #2 is NOT another planet.
It’s the next step to get that increasing number of entities into PT and out of their stuck incidents.
That’s why it was good to get those >OT III’s redo the lower Bridge – BUT EXPLAIN IN TO THEM!!!!!!!!
Especially those completed OT VIII’s should now hopefully cognite the full width and depth of the
command:
W-H-O IS MOVING THAT HAND?
11. DM, to get you out of the spotlight do the following:
A. Let there be an AMNESTY for EVERYONE! A REAL AMNESTY WITH REAL FORGIVINGNESS
AND NO SECRET OSA-FILING OR SO!
B. APOLOGIZE TO ALL THE PUBLIC FOR EVERY SINGULAR INJUSTICE THAT HAS OCCURRED!
C. LET EVERY STAFF-MEMBER HAVE THE ETHICS-REPAIR-LIST
D. GET E-V-E-R-Y UNJUSTICE LOCATED, HANDLED AND LET THE TRUTH SHINE!
THIS IS WHAT SCIENTOLOGY IS ABOUT.
E. Reinstate the WDC, ED Int & Snr C/S Int Office, etc. and let everyone in The Hole get the
ORIGINAL ETHICS-REPAIR-LIST TO THE FULL EP.
THE TRUTH IS, THEY A-R-E GOOD PEOPLE!
THAT THEY ARE SUPPOSEDLY NOT IS A LIE AS IT IS LATER ON THE TRACK.
SEND THEM ON VACATION – i.e. THE FREEWINDS. RISE THEIR HAVINGNESS ETC.
F. Let the Public know, that LRH’s was/is NOT a singular person, but was a Cluster himself.
That’s why the mood-swings. Tell them, he is Sorry, but he saw no other solution at the time.
G. Contact me by answering to this comment and leave a number to call.
H. STOP PRACTICING DISCONNECTION – RATHER DO ANOTHER REFORM CODE!
F-O-R R-E-A-L !!!
I. Put Marlboro Menthols with Double Click on the tables in the LRH Offices – they are great.
It’s up to you Misc – or to you Ingo Lehmann [The web sites look great! 😉 ] – or to you Cathy True.
XXX
indie8million says
DS!! What a great program!!
I’m sure DM will be FN VGIs!!
Chris says
omg that was monumentally pivotal!! thanks for the morning laughs 😀
Joe Pendleton says
I have to tell y’all … whenever I think about it, and I wouldn’t say I think about it a lot … just the idea of how Scientologists have followed ONE asshole over the past thirty years and have done EVERYTHING the asshole has told them to do … I actually get a Flow zero embarrassment thing going on. Not like regret. Just fucking EMBARASSING “from me to me” that MY group for over 35 years was made up by so many people who were at this level of existence and “enlightenment.” I still feel I made tons of case gain in training and processing, but on the THIRD dynamic? Folks, there was some SERIOUSLY wrong and bad shit goin’ on, I’m tellin’ ya.
Scott Henderson says
Oh my….trading cigarettes for favors. Rather reinforces the whole prison of belief paradigm doesn’t it?
Carmen Hornung says
I love these comics. Can I send in some suggestions for material and topics? Mike, if I send them to you will you pass them along?
JOHN JOHNSON says
J & D deluxe…I’m in awe of Regraded Being for his ability to as is the COB’s maniacal demeanor.. Saluting his dogs… reminiscent of the time Caligula made his horse a senator. lol
indie8million says
I actually think that DM might be a reincarnated Caligula.
So many of the things are the same – fixations on the biggest, grandest “houses” and buildings, the animals, the sheer evil in the way he would deal with people, just to see them squirm, etc.
I think Caligula was diseased. Like I say, I think he’s reincarnated in the person of DM. So what does that make DM?
From Wiki:
“There are few surviving sources about the reign of Emperor Caligula, although he is described as a noble and moderate ruler during the first six months of his reign. After this, the sources focus upon his cruelty, sadism, extravagance, and sexual perversity, presenting him as an insane tyrant. While the reliability of these sources is questionable, it is known that during his brief reign, Caligula worked to increase the unconstrained personal power of the emperor, as opposed to countervailing powers within the principate.
“He directed much of his attention to ambitious construction projects and luxurious dwellings for himself, and initiated the construction of two aqueducts in Rome: the Aqua Claudia and the Anio Novus. During his reign, the empire annexed the Kingdom of Mauretania as a province.”
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caligula
thegman77 says
RB really has a lock on the insanity of the insanity!
Rick Mycroft says
Today’s post is completely mythic across all dynamics!
Phil says
Excellent…lol
xenus son says
One RB comic on DM is worth 100 pages of text.
Bruce ( the "Never In" ) says
I wonder how much one RB comic is worth in bartered Sea Org cigarettes in their Prison Economy?
Given the ever-rising cost of cigs these days, DM could make a killing (pun intended) if he had his own special Big Being brand of cigs marketed within CO$ which all Sea Org would be forced to buy — that way, DM would make some additional revenue from all the bartering going on in the whispering halls. Of course as a condition for purchase, each Sea Org smoker would have to sign an additional Billion Year Contract pledging not to sue COB or CO$ if the Sea Org member ever got cancer from smoking the cigs.
That way, DM could stop squeezing more blood from stone to raise $$$, amd instead squeeze more $$$ from the lungs of Sea Org Oompa-Loompa Minions.
Lawrence says
You are correct about that Bruce. Cigarettes in New York City are $14.50 a pack. If a person smokes a pack a day that is $5,292.50 a year up in smoke, provided the price does not go up. I understand that David Miscavige loves to smoke. In the Church of Scientology a person that smokes can be considered a well and happy high IQ human being. If this persists, the only way the Church of Scientology will be able to make money is to steal it. But that is nothing new for them. They have decades of experience in it. And it is easy to see where it wound them up on top of it. 🙂
alcoboy says
You’re right, Lawrence. COB does like to smoke. At the CC Nashville grand opening event I could see him sucking down one cancer stick after another.
Aquamarine says
If Miscavige has asthma it means his adrenal glands are shot. Smoking stimulates his adrenals and gives him “energy”. It also fools the body into believing its been fed and in this way it curbs the appetite. I bet he’d blow up like a blimp if he stopped smoking.
KatherineINCali says
Damn! I cannot believe smokes cost that much in NYC. That’s nuts. I used to smoke but quit last year. Here in So Cal, I never paid more than $5.50 – $6.00 ..and even that price is ridiculous.
One of my most favorite quotes by Hubbard – because of its sheer absurdity – is that a person only gets cancer by “not smoking enough”. Hysterical and tragic all at once.
Ann B Watson says
Hi KaterineINCali, Good to meet you.That is great you quit cigs too.I have to say of all the quotes from Ron,the one you posted is most ironic to me.But then again he always had a most convoluted way of writing and speaking.Even in my fiercest KoolAid Sea Org Days I could never get used to the British accent.LaughterAlways,Ann.
KatherineINCali says
Hi Ann. We’ve actually replied back and forth once before, but you probably don’t remember because I don’t post very often (even though I read Mike’s blog almost every day). I read Tony’s blog a lot, too. My username there is JaxNGold. Don’t know why I didn’t use the same username here — that was lame of me..lol. Anyway, good to hear you quit cigs, too!
Hubbard’s insane and bizarre writings never cease to amaze me. Every time I think I’ve heard it all, I see/read something by him that’s even more ridiculous. So glad you’re out! Take care.
Ann B Watson says
Hi KatherineINCali, Oh snap! As soon as I sent my post to you I remembered you! Felt silly not realizing that! Between these computers and turning 65 pretty soon lord knows how I remember what day it is! Laughter! I had not seen your posts in awhile so that explains the brain freeze.Always look for your posts.So happy I will see you here when you want.Love Always,Ann.
KatherineINCali says
Jesus, RB… you’re hysterical. I’m dying over this one!!
“I like Pivotal. People like it when I say Pivotal”
“Tell him I better not say anything about front porches or balconies or anything like that..”
“Tell him that if he fucks it up, I’m gonna send him to the back porch of oblivion”
I literally laughed for ten minutes straight. My husband thought I was nuts. He’s like “what’s so damn funny??”. This one was brilliant, RB!
Leigh Andrews says
My guess is that the Sea Org uses the hand-rolling machines and store their smokes in a Kool box, or whatever the correct brand is. One brand of rolling machine was Laramie, popular in the 1970s. You can buy pre-formed cigarette tubes with filters already attached.
Bruce Ploetz says
From Bruce the 35-year in to Bruce the Never-in, good morning and well done. To answer your question from up thread a bit, quite a few in the Sea Org at the Gold base roll their own. Others make deals with the ones that fly out to set up events for Dave. When they go to places like the Caribbean quite a few packs of ciggies get smuggled back to the Gold base. Or at least that was how it was 12 years ago when I was there.
As regards cancer, Hubbard clearly said in several places that smoking cures cancer. This is not his idea originally, it is a confusion between the words “Nicotine” and “nicotonic acid” or niacin. In the 40s I believe it was thought that smoking would be a good way to get helpful vitamins into the lungs, curing all kinds of ills. Since niacin causes a skin flush, and so does exposure to radiation in small doses, Hubbard thought that niacin could also cure radiation sickness. So that is why he said that the Purification Rundown with its 5,000 mg doses of niacin would help Scientologists survive World War Three.
You can’t make this stuff up. It parodies itself.
Richard says
Chewing tobacco would also work. Sea Org women are tough and they could use it too. It goes with the pirate fascination.
Bruce Ploetz says
Richard, I have never seen a woman use chewing tobacco. But quite a few men at the Gold Base did when I was there, they sold it in the little convenience shop they call the “Canteen”. There is nothing more disgusting than finding a bit of “chaw” someplace it should not ever be. Like under your shoe on the sidewalk or in a planter.
Just because the chewer suddenly had to respond to someone and had to get rid of it fast. Such as when someone higher than you in the pecking order requires your immediate attention loudly and with extreme prejudice.
Such is life at the elite top of the Scientology Org Board – riding high in April, shot down in May. A bit like working in a mine field, seems like everything is OK and all of a sudden BLAM it all blows up.
Do something right, everybody is all smiles as long as it is verified that the top management is truly pleased. Any hint of a weakness – everybody and their brother feels free to dump on you and you get the blame no matter what happens.
No wonder people come out of there with a bit of PTSD.
GTBO says
Amen to that Bruce, glad that we’re both away from the insanity.
Richard says
Bruce – For sure about the PTSD. It takes some people years to recover. I had it easy since I was mostly public and my time was pre-DM. The only good thing about those miserable conditions is that abuse overcomes programming and more people blow.
On a lighter note, the old Ma and Pa Kettle shows (mountain hillbillies) had Granny chewing. I was mocking up a pissed off lady Ethics Officer with a mouthful of chew. That would be a terrifying sight!
DM could have fun micro managing the design of the spittoons and the RPFers would keep them spotless.
Aquamarine says
Richard and Bruce, I think chewing tobacco would be better than cigarettes for SO women. Frontier women in the Old West used to chew and they were tough, no-nonsense females. I think a chaw of tobacco wedged in the jaw would go well with the cold chrome steel dedicated glare schtick that Miscavige wants his gals to project.
Ann B Watson says
Hi Aquamarine, Your post had me laughing at the image of the tough Sea Org woman chewing that foul stuff and maintaining that so OT of OT dedicated steel titanium stare glare.Thank you, I loved this.xoAnn.
Aquamarine says
We have to laugh, Ann 🙂
Ann B Watson says
Hi Aquamarine, Oh yes I take a big RX of laughter everyday.My laughter comes from all you lovely lights here coupled with the total absurdity of cos then and now and gosh! I met some Trolls here.I never thought….?xxoo Ann.
Richard says
Good image. Aqua. That would work well on the “We Come Back” promo – lol.
Aquamarine says
Cracking up, Richard!
“We Come Back” remade, with row upon row of SO standing, arms folded, very stern with fixed dedicated glares etc. and large chaws in their jaws……DM in front, about to spit one out…OMG, this picture… I can’t stop laughing!
Richard says
Laughter!!!
indie8million says
Yes, Aquamarine…and they could spit at just the right moment to make their point or to say, “Get the hell out of here and get it done!”