Mike Rinder's Blog

Something Can Be Done About It

CSN Desperate for Content

By 133 Comments

Apparently the CSN is short of content to put on the air. If you have ever tried to watch it, you will know this is true. They have about 24 hours of total programming that they repeat over and over. It’s almost entirely the same stuff on today as was airing the day it launched.

I know many cable stations repeat some programming, usually their hit/important shows. Not everything they broadcast. CSN should have a tag line — “Groundhog Day brought to life.”

So, they are asking people to send them free stuff they can air. Sort of like a “Writers of the Future” for film and documentary makers who don’t mind being associated with scientology (either that, or their work will be unattributed…) That narrows the field to scientologists only. There are few of those, and mostly they already work for Gold or SuMP.  So good luck with this.

Keep your eyes peeled for any content that doesn’t like their usual scripted, rehearsed and acted infomercials.

I thought of offering them outtakes from The Aftermath, but as we don’t do scripted programming it would not fit their format.

Comments

  2. How about David Miscavige and Tom Cruise starring in their own gay home video series shot in stunning HD, with a soundtrack of L Ron Hubbard nattering on about some nonsense playing in the background. Because, like, “we know”. Scientologists would love it!

    Reply

  3. Here are a few ideas I came up with:
    “Miscavige Knows Best”
    Tom Cruise and COB can revive “The Odd Couple”
    Danny Masterson and Laura Prepon can reboot “That 70’s Show” (Where else will Masterson find work?)

    Reply

  4. I have always wanted to do some live action adaptations of Regraded Being! Maybe, I should throw together a pilot and send it in!!

    Reply

  6. SuMP’s inability to produce much new content for ScnTV is indeed very telling. Other than the Miscavige intro piece and the series dramatizing Hubbard’s words, they started out mostly re-using the content they’ve been putting together for about two decades, and have been putting up on the YouTube site for about the last 5 years, including ongoing production of “meet a scientologist” type pieces.

    I thought Miscavige might have gotten in over his head, and indeed it seems that Scientology must have completely underestimated what it would actually take to fill up a broadcast schedule with new, original and compelling material. My guess is that they thought that with their “tech” and “make it go right” attitude, plus their Hollywood connections, they could readily produce a full schedule of programming. They apparently failed to learn any lessons from Christian Science’s attempt to start up a cable channel in the late 1980s, which required hiring about 200 outside staff to produce programming, and failed quickly after running up costs that put the church’s finances in jeopardy.

    WOTF still seems to attract some newbies desperate to be published, and willing to ignore the implications of sleeping with the devil. It will be interesting to see if Scientology can attract something similar from budding documentary filmmakers, but my guess is that the initiative will founder because it will be hard for anyone to submit anything that Miscavige would be willing to put on his TV “channel,” which already seems hampered by having to fit standards for blandness about internal matters and paranoid sensationalism about external ones. The other possibility is that it is just a ruse to “broadcast” some ideologically acceptable material by members including NOI, and perhaps some rabid anti-psychology allies, and frame it as genuinely grassroots.

    Reply

  7. CSN should do their own “Real Housewives”.

    “Real Housewives of Int Base”
    “………………………… Clearwater”
    “…………………………The Hole”

    or Wait!
    Better yet, play up the religious angle:
    “Holy Holees of The Hole”

    Then maybe:
    “Keeping Up With The Cardones”

    Tom could do his own bachelor thing with a constant parade of prospective Wife #4s.

    Miscavige could do his own version of “Celebrity Apprentice”. He loves to fire people, why not make money at it?

    So many possibilities. Feel free to add on!

    Reply

    • ? Aqua i was thinking similar while reading! Hilarious! If GC got a sex change and became #4 we’d have a winner! Great stuff Mike. Thank you

      Reply

      • GC is perfect for Tom. A little nip and tuck, a very thorough body waxing, some make up and a good wig…adorable.Oh, and we’ll have to make sure his incisors are filed down. And yes, he’s already married with children but so what,he’ll have to dump Elana, greatest good and so forth, and besides she’s too tall for him. Glad that’s settled.

        Reply

  8. Hi Dave, I have an idea you should use.

    Just demand that scientologists record themselves watching scientology TV, and make damn sure they allocate a good portion of their day to doing so.

    Then, have them submit these recordings to scientology to create “reaction” type videos like the ones that are all over You Tube.

    And these people better damn well look impressed and dazzled in every second of these reaction videos, or there will be hell to pay.

    You could triple the content of your miserable little channel by broadcasting these reaction videos.

    It would be like the East German Stasi meets You Tube! Dave, you can thank me after the planet is cleared.

    Reply

  10. Maybe they could create a “Scinetology’s Got Talent” show with head adjudicator Marty Rathbun. Mark Ellis (aka ‘The Blob,’) could do the back stage intros/control and COB can sit in the command bunker with his finger on the buzzer master control. Now that would be worth watching – all those OAT TEES strutting there stuff on stage.
    If Scientology ever had the means to prove to the world the tek works – they sure have the means to demonstrate… waiting, waiting waiting… Waiting since 1950… still waiting.

    Reply

  11. How about a once daily live show featuring me shitting and pissing all over David Miscavige. That would probably make it to prime time syndication on CBS, NBC and ABC.

    Reply

    • What a lovely idea! Mr. Miscavige, what do you think? Are you game? (Everyone knows you like to sit around in the evening swilling your rotgut whiskey and reading this blog and others like it.) You do want those big show ratings and massive viewer numbers don’t you? Well, this would do it! Millions would tune in for sure. “The Daily Dump” with David Miscavige.

      Reply

  12. “Cursing with Demento.”
    “Raving with Rathbun.”
    “Hiding under Bridges” The first in a series of Regge training videos to be followed by “Arm Folding with Panache” and “Which Club is Best.” Other programs to follow at a later date.

    Reply

  13. They have been full time trying to complete a couple dozen 20 minute Scientology training films for 40 YEARS at a cost of hundreds of millions of dollars. These films have been TOP PRIORITY. To make things worse the quality is so poor as to be laughable in a sad sort of way. Only Miscavige could be dumb enough to think Scientology could produce any sort of content that would interest the general public. People in the real world have an almost unlimited amount of interesting content they can view on their phone, computer, TV, etc. Why would they sit and watch some stationary actors talk about how Scientology made it possible for sunlight to come out of their butts. To make it worse it is a loop that goes round and round. Lots of generalities and no real data. Just like the 3 hour speeches made by Miscavige where he has his flying monkeys walk the aisles facing the audience, looking for anyone who doesn’t clap long enough. Seriously. This is done at each event. Any Scientologist not pretending to enjoy the speech enough will be noted and interrogated later. If the individual is a Scientology public, it will be at their own expense. No Scientologist wants to say anything critical about Dave’s new train wreck, of a PR attempt. Everyone will enthusiastically cry out how fantastic the “king with no clothes” is dressed. “WOW, THE WHOLE LOOP WAS ABLE TO BE MADE AVAILABLE FOR ONLY $100,000,000!”

    Reply

    • “… like the 3 hour speeches made by Miscavige where he has his flying monkeys walk the aisles facing the audience, looking for anyone who doesn’t clap long enough.”

      You know you are in a cult when… (reason #457)

      Lurking scientologists, how much more do you need to know to blow?

      Reply

  14. CSN could do a game show called “Fair Game” where people are told spin the “Bridge Wheel” and risk their entire future on whatever level the wheel stops on, only to find out that it didn’t really matter just as long as your finances lasted. Once siphoned of all of your potential monetary resources you are finally declared an SP and told you’ll never see your family again.

    Reply

    • Ok, Rod. “Fair Game” – this is BRILLIANT. Utterly obvious, utterly perfect name for a Scientology game show.

      Reply

  15. They could always try surveying ex-Scientologists for new content. It’s logical, there are more ex’s than active Scios in the world, so where does real life pursuits & interests actually lie? But let’s not get beyond ourselves, bullshit is a creative art too. But intelligence is missing with Scioland trying to command attention, no matter if they own a TV station, have billions of $ or not. It’s all too easy to hit the repeat button instead of thinking about what you’re doing or where you’re going or even where you’ve come from. I find people having the mindset of having to tell other people what to do and think 24/7 is such a bore.

    Reply

    • Well, there’s game we can all play. It’s called, Hide The Salami. It’s a fun game. Especially if everyone is hammered.

      Reply

        • Hide the salami. Let’s focus on ‘salami’. You’ll get it, Aquamarine. Just think how I think…

          Reply

        • Just focus on ‘Salami.’ And it’s shape. I’m a sick puppy so I won’t say anything more. Just think about it, girlfriend.

          Reply

          • Um, OSD, no worries. There was NO misunderstanding as regards the salami metaphor. I get it. I got it. I DO know how you’re mind works. I had just never heard of the game itself. And have no idea how what you’re referring to would or could be be hidden…but we won’t go there…don’t tell me…:)

            Reply

  17. they have an army of S.O. slaves who work for free and millions/billions of dollars that they have convinced people to just give them as straight dono, no service to be delivered…. just piles of free money….

    and they still can’t come up with their own content?

    free labor, lots of money, still can’t get anything done?

    These OTs are proving the value of OT.

    Reply

    • “These OTs are proving the value of OT”. Which would be absolutely zero, nada, not happening. Why, you may ask? Because there’s no such thing as OTs! Never has been. Never will be. It’s just mind games they make up in their collective minds.

      And people pay for this shit.

      Reply

      • Nothing like applying the definition of a static (or zero, nada, zip – same thing) to start the day’s make believe. It’s a pity the ‘refresh’ button was never installed within Scientology, but hey… when you think about it, most mistakes leave an option of starting over. You can’t start over with Scientology, it’s a set format, similar to joining the KKK, the Mafia or the SS.

        Reply

    • Billions in the scientology bank… I always hear the b word when describing scientology. Meanwhile, Apple just hit a trillion dollar evaluation, Facebook drops $20 billion in a day and is still worth tens of billions, and Amazon’s Steve Bezos is worth $60 billion. None of these people are scientologists.

      Miscavige’s little shithole “religion” has a net worth that is merely a rounding error to the real world powers, all of them WOGS.

      Reply

  18. Modest proposal DM/COB,

    Since you are paying for on-air time you could increase the covertness of your infomercials by running old TV series and using your s**t as ads, which everyone is used to sitting through. It would cost a little more but, hey, more people might watch. For starters, here are some shows that would fit right in:

    …………………………………..Twilight Zone
    ……………………………………Outer Limits
    ……………………………………The Prisoner
    ……………………………………Monty Python
    ……………………………………Three Stooges

    Reply

    • I’m thinking a Mystery Science Theatre 3000 format, with the guy and his robots commenting on the current programming. Ya think???

      Reply

      • I’ve got a couple ideas for CSN programming:

        Wog Eye for the Clam Guy – Straight Up and Fabulous !

        Reality show – Uncensored Bullbaiting Sessions ( no age restrictions necessary) small children are just old thetans in baby bodies.

        I really like the MST3000 format, I’m still trying to come up with exactly who would be in the lower right corner.
        A wee silhouette of Davey in between a SO staff member in bandages and maybe Marty on the other side ?
        Anyway, great idea.

        Reply

    • Outer Limits for me with “Demon with a Glass Hand” being the most memorable episode followed closely by the Twilight Zone episode “Time Enough at Last” with Burgess Meredith.

      Reply

  20. I just did a google search on CSN and got: Christian Satellite Network, Crosby, Stills & Nash, College of Southern Nevada, Chemical Speciation Network, etc. etc. Everything but the Church of Scientology Network; not exactly a household item.

    Reply

    • Well, actually that is my pejorative shorthand, standing for the Cult Shopping Network as it is 24/7 cult infomercials.

      It’s not their term.

      Reply

      • “Well, actually that is my pejorative shorthand, standing for the Cult Shopping Network as it is 24/7 cult infomercials.”

        No prob, Mike; that’s your derogative.

        Reply

  21. I have one:
    Young Xenu/Xemu

    The family action/comedy in a sitcom format featuring teenage Xemu and his pet clam struggling with teenage angst and multiple personality disorder while in the galactic navy academy.

    The 2 hour pilot is the hilarious hijinks of Xenu as he tries to hide the corpse of his class rival when Xemu’s plans for disposing of the body go awry due to a garbage workers strike.

    He cleverly solves the problem by framing his girlfriend and having her sent to a work colony archiving academy records for the rest of her life.

    OSD will be cast as the friendly professor that gives fatherly advice to young Xenu, only to be killed off in the season cliffhanger by a jealous Xemu.

    Reply

    • Reaching VERY far back was the old sitcom “I Married Joan” so of course, Miscavige could play the Jim Bacchus role in “I Married Shelly”.

      OR

      Miscavige could make his hair even higher and put on a Spanish accent and be a Cuban Cult Leader married to a whacky redhead named Shelly that he wants to get rid of because he wants to make time with her best friend, and we’ll call this masterpiece, “I Love Lou”. But in this Scientology sitcom, even though Miscavige keeps getting rid of Shelly she keeps showing up and screwing up his plans…”Shelly, you’ve got some ‘splainin’ to do”…well, ok, ok, this is a work in progress. More later.

      Reply

      • Or we could just air my famous Scientology reboots:
        Gilligan’s Island-Miscavige tries to take over the island and reg every last dime out of the Howells for the IAS.
        The Beverly Hillbillies-The Clampetts stumble into LA Org and have to be rescued by Miss Hathaway before they give over their entire fortune. Fun watching Jane Hathaway taking on Hard Sell as well as Command Intention.
        Dynasty-Miscavige attempts to seduce Alexis to get her to hand over Colbyco to the cherch. Blake, always wanting to be in charge, becomes livid when he finds out that Fallon, Jeff, and Krystle have been regged for the Purif and have donated for services all the way to OTVIII. Dex Dexter goes on a scuba diving adventure to try and sink the Freewinds.
        Stay tuned!

        Reply

          • Cool, Aqua! How about this reboot?
            Hogan’s Heroes- Miscavige is inducted into Stalag 13 by
            General Burkhalter to put ethics in on Klink and Schultz. While there, he…………….
            No, wait. That would be historically inaccurate.

            Reply

  22. Can’t afford to run Tommy and Johnny movies – and know one wants to watch Kirsti’s movies even if they could afford them. I guess is anyone is still curious at least it will only take a day of your time!

    Reply

  23. I have an idea that will not cost DM much. A scientology version of ” Fear Factor”. Four people enter the “big blue bldg”. First up auditing. Last to finish goes straight to RPF. Next “ethics”. Last done straight to Registars. Last two face off. Last to finish their “MU’s, straight to the SO. Winner gets a job working ditectly with DM. Can be done new everyday by catching people running out the door.

    Reply

    • I like your train of thought.

      Scientology could rip off the concept of CBS’s Big Brother, and set up 24hour viewing of The Hole and broadcast it as entertainment. It certainly is entertainment for the creepy little sociopath David Miscavige, so why can’t it be entertainment for the masses too? If it is good enough for the COB, then it should be good enough for everyone else, right?

      Reply

      • I like it.

        The Hole.

        It sounds sinister.

        Or, maybe they could make it a comedy like Hogan’s Heros. Cobbage would make a great Col. Klink.

        Reply

    • I’ve got another one. I’m on a roll tonite.

      About Word Clearing. Another reality show, called “FLUNK!”

      That’s as far as I’ve gotten so far. Its late, I’ll flesh out the rest tomorrow 🙂

      Reply

  24. I’ll be willing to wager that Chris Shelton would let them air some of his content for a nominal fee.

    The question and answer segments are new, fresh and sure to keep the still-in scientology parishioners on the edge of their seats.

    Chris’ interview with his mom was just priceless.

    Reply

  25. Maybe next they’ll buy a radio station and broadcast El Con’s lectures 24-7-365. That’d bring the raw meat in in droves!

    Reply

  26. Lets see here …hmmmmmm …….. new docu series ……….

    ‘HOW TO ACHIEVE TOTAL FREEDOM FROM YOUR FAMILY’

    1) Be interested in improvement for yourself and others.
    2) Take a cult course
    3) Join the cherch
    4) think for yourself
    5) Speak your mind
    6) Have Julian 3rd party your friends and family
    7) Be threatened with loss of family and friends if you do not parrot the ‘party line’ or pay $
    8) Get declared by the cherch
    9) You are now free from any communication from family (and friends).

    Yo Dave,
    There is a lot of content here if you are really looking. Save yerself the trouble of re-shooting it, just post links to The Aftermath.

    Clue: yer google ratings will skyrocket!

    Reply

    • Newcomer, if you don’t mind, I find myself compelled to evaluate your HTATFFYF Checklist, to wit:

      1) Be Interested in improvement for yourself and others.
      Excellent!

      2) Take a cult course
      Why not? There are many means of help and avenues to wisdom.

      3) Join the cherch
      Totally fine. We have freedom of religion in this country..

      4) Think for yourself.
      Ok, now, here is where I think you began running into trouble…not one of your better ideas, Newcomer.

      5) Speak your mind.
      There…right there…big mistake. Serious outpoint. Worse, actually. “Speaking your mind” is not an outpoint, its a SITUATION and the Real Why is, you’re a Suppressive. Only an SP speaks his mind!

      No need to continue, in that from what I can see, it all went down from there. Sorry to say, you pulled it in, Newcomer. “Speak your mind”…Jesus Christ!

      Reply

  27. They can air Marty Rathbun’s video clips where he’s bashing the Aftermath, etc. After all it is scripted by little Misravage.

    Reply

    • How about Mike Rinder “Vanquished By The Cultbots” in a chiropractor’s parking lot?
      This was one of the more successful OSA ops. It really needs to be promoted. Should go over well with Those Too Stupid To Live AKa the Still Innies – Mike surrounded, being screamed at, cursed at, by all of them, his ethics getting slammed in, his suppressiveness utterly shattered! What great television! And it would make Jenny a star!

      Reply

    • Maybe the church’s network should air all the videos they had scientologists make against their family and friends. You know, the ones that were contributors to Aftermath.

      SUMP could show the covers of all of its Freedom Mags. I especially like the “Posse of Lunatics” Cover. Truly a classic and I am so jealous I am not on it.

      Reply

      • Now that’s a great idea Mary. So sorry you missed out on getting your chance at the cover of the magazine, but you are one strong cookie and I’m sure you are dealing with it 🙂

        Hey, how about playing the We Stand Tall song video with all the faces of those who have been booted with a big x over it. I wonder how many faces would be left.

        Reply

      • How about a bloopers reel of Little Napoleon’s production meetings?
        Or adding a laugh track to his event announcements?
        Or a candid camera of whales getting sec checked and giving up their discreditable O/W’s – the footage already exists?

        Reply

        • Oh my goodness! Whoever from there that reads here and takes all the awesome suggestions to DM! He is soooo going to love it I bet whoever that lucky person is they will get something extra special from the grand poobah!

          Reply

        • Inspired by all of you I just thought of the perfect punishment for Miscavige. Prison, of course. Solitary confinement, of course. But not just solitary. Forcing him to listen for NO LESS THAN 8 HOURS EACH DAY TO…are your ready…his own speeches. With no control over the sound. Just boom them into his cell. No choice, he has to listen. 7 days a week, 8 hours a day.

          Okay, okay, that’s too cruel, you’re right. We’ll give him Sunday’s off.

          Reply

  32. Scientology needs to create a new “game” to rebuild interest . . .

    Remember ” Where In The World Is Carmen San Diego ? ”

    I suggest ” Where In The World Is Shelly Miscavige ? ”

    That ought to REALLY get things “FIRED UP” !

    Dave F.

    Reply

    • One would THINK that in order to PROVE that Shelly is still alive & breathing & WANTS to remain as a member of COS….that Shelly would have to be SEEN IN PERSON by the Police Dept, CIA, FBI or whatever.

      Hey, when I worked for Social Service, we had a caseworker who filled out his monthly visits with one of his clientele “that she despite her age, remains reasonably healthy & enjoying her life etc etc”……

      Well three months of these reports…one of the client’s welfare check was mistakenly routed directly to our office where this caseworker was employed……with the Post Marking “DECEASED”…….instead of directly to our Accounting Dept who takes months to get things straightened out.

      I brought the envelope stamped “DECEASED” with check enclosed to my Supervisor….& the case was sent to in house Special Investigations FRAUD team. who began following caseworker a few tmes on his supposed visits to “his clients”.

      Our S.I.U. team (retired FBI, CIA, Detectives….photographed this caseworker sitting in a lawn chair OR helping his wife hang laundry outside……..he was immediately fired.

      HEY SHELLY, WHERE IN THE WORLD ARE YOU….MAKE A CALL, WE’LL COME GET YOU.

      Reply

  33. That’s what happens when you buy a TV station, but don’t have any talent or a broadcast license.

    Reply

        • Disagree!

          There’s IMMENSE talent out here on the fringes. If Tiny Fists would only tap into it his ratings would go thru the roof!

          Reply

        • Got another angle:

          “Divorce, Scientology Style”.

          A take on that old classic film title, “Divorce, Italian Style” crossed with “The Gong Show”.

          A reality show wherein husbands and wives write Knowledge Reports on each other and do admin scales “in a new unit of time” and then these get read and compared, and the audience votes and if they’re too ARC broken with each other a big gong sounds and they have to get divorced.

          Reply

  35. So much of Miscavige’s behavior is immature.
    He is like a kid with a new toy. Does he ever look at the long term picture?

    For example – before deciding to buy a TV network that is going to run 24/7, did it occur to him that they would need not only current programs. but also a plan for future programming needs.

    Not that they needed the programs in place from day one, but was there even a plan on how they would create future programming?

    Seems like the Co$ is always reacting/responding instead of doing.

    Tom Cruise wants nicer buildings! I like cutting ribbons! Boom! Ideal Orgs!
    Don’t worry about how we are going to utilize the buildings, staff them, pay for the lights and heat, or even toilet paper – we need buildings now! And Italian marble! And Persian rugs!

    Reply

  36. How about the positive and uplifting messages of people who have used to be in exploitative cults and managed to get out and start a new and better life?

    Reply

  37. Surely a positive message/ righting a wrong means The Aftermath pre-qualifies and should go straight to air

    Reply

  38. Repeating all their content every day? Perhaps they are converting to Buddhism, cursed for their programming to be reborn daily until they achieve enlightenment and then bolt out of Scientology!!!

    Reply

  40. Why don’t they just run “Battlefield Earth” in a non-stop rotation until they get new material? A movie of that “caliber” is bound to trigger the wogs to run to their nearest Org! Well, it’s bound to get them running at least…

    Reply

    • Well, Rick, because watching “Battlefield Earth” in a non-stop rotation is now the current punishment for those in the Hole committing the severest of infractions.

      Reply

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