To: xTeamXenu75to03
From: David Miscavige COB RTC
Re: suicide e-meters.

Yes and I have just the customer; YOU! AFTER YOU GET DONE USING IT ON YOURSELF PASS IT ALONG TO AQUAMARINE SO WE CAN RID THE WORLD OF HER AS WELL!

ML,
Dave.

To: David Miscavige COB RTC
From: Alcoboy
Re: passing e-meters

How can Chuck pass the meter to Aquamarine when he’ll be dead by then?
Boy, are you stupid.

No love at all,
Alcoboy.

Sir (Dave, I never ever got up to the level to presume to call you Dave, I know),

Any plans to sell the final LRH suicide emeter to the flock?

Have you tried the LRH Suicide Emeter yourself, and have you improved on it yet? It’s not being considered to be added to the “End of Life Rundown” is it?

But really, I understand if not, since LRH didn’t actually give the order to pilot and export it, did he? So you are off the hook. Whew! That really would be too Jim Jones-ish.

Chuck,
wearing the omitted IG Cram Off job with my suggestions and observations

I’m the urban space man, baby; I’ve got speed
I’ve got everything I need
I’m the urban spaceman, baby; I can fly
I’m a supersonic guy
I don’t need pleasure
I don’t feel pain
If you were to knock me down I’d just get up again
I’m the urban spaceman, baby; I’m makin’ out
I’m all about
I wake up every morning with a smile upon my face
My natural exuberance spills out all over the place
I’m the urban spaceman, I’m intelligent and clean
Know what I mean?
I’m the urban spaceman, as a lover second to none
It’s a lot of fun
I never let my friends down
I’ve never made a boob
I’m a glossy magazine, an advert in the tube
I’m the urban spaceman, baby; here comes the twist–
I don’t exist

Sorry, Balletlady. That ‘no love at all’ was not meant for you. I only save that for a certain religious leader of short stature.

In that case, please accept my apology.

To: chuckbeatty
From: David Miscavige COB RTC
Re: university education.

I AM SO SMART ENOUGH TO SEE THIS! YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO SUGGEST THAT THE TOP LEVELS OF SCIENTOLOGY BE FILLED WITH DOWNSTATS WHO HAVE A WOG EDUCATION? WHO NEEDS IT? LOOK AT ME! I QUIT THE WOG SYSTEM WHEN I WAS FOURTEEN, JOINED THE SEA ORG AND NOW I CONTROL THE WORLD’S FASTEST GROWING RELIGION! AND ALL WITHOUT EVEN A HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA!
SO, MY DEAR SP, YOU CAN TAKE YOUR UNIVERSITY DEGREES AND WIPE YOUR ASS WITH THEM!

ML,
Dave.

To: David Miscavige COB RTC
From: Alcoboy
Re: wiping one’s ass.

The paper used to print diplomas and degrees is much too rough on the posterior. Now the paper used at Bridge Publications to print books is far more gentle, more soothing on the anal area.

No love at all,
Alcoboy.

To: Newcomer
From: David Miscavige COB RTC
Re: shooting in Sacramento

THAT WAS NOT ME! I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT! AHHHHHHHH, I THOUGHT I WAS RID OF YOU! I DON’T KNOW WHO’S MORE ENTURBULATING, YOU OR AQUAMARINE! I DO NOT HAVE PEOPLE SHOT! I SEND THEM TO MY EFFECTIVELY THETA RPF WHERE THEY CAN MAKE AMENDS FOR THEIR OVERTS AND WITHHOLDS THROUGH EXHAUSTIVE LABOR ACCCOMPANIED BY A DIET OF RICE AND BEANS! I STRONGLY SUGGEST THAT YOU REPORT YOURSELF TO GOLD BASE TO RECEIVE THIS MOST EFFECTIVE THERAPY!

ML,
Dave.

To: David Miscavige COB RTC
From: Alcoboy
Re: the RPF.

Did you, in true LRH fashion, have this therapy run on you before you disseminated it to others?
Didn’t think so.

No love at all,
Alcoboy.

Number of online scamologistgs peaked ~80. DM didn’t take over scamology for years after the decline started.

COB has overseen unprecedented shrinkage in the number of Scientology locations, retreating completely from major cities (like Pittsburgh) and even entire states:

Anchorage
† North Phoenix
Tucson
† Chico
† Auburn
† Chinatown
† San Mateo
† Palo Alto
†? South San Jose
† Simi Valley
† Santa Clarita
† Melrose
† Beverly Hills
† Santa Monica
† San Bernardino
† Redondo Beach
† Palm Desert
† Chula Vista
Los Feliz
Foothills (Montrose)
Brand Blvd
† Sherman Oaks
† Sunland
San Francisco
† SOMA
† Berkeley
† Marin
Castro Valley
Redwood City
†! Sonoma
Fresno
Stockton
Silicon Valley
Santa Cruz
† San Jose Central
† Buenaventura (Ventura)
Moorpark
† Malibu
West Valley (Chatsworth)
† Newport Beach
South Coast
† Upland
† Temecula
† Santa Rosa
† Elk Grove
Riverpark
Capitol (Fair Oaks)
† Folsom
† Davis
† Roseville
Anaheim
† Englewood
† Aurora
† Colorado Springs
Boulder
† Hartford
† Fort Lauderdale
West Palm Beach
† Clearwater
Belleair
Ocala
Boise
† Elgin
† Chicago
† Peoria
Champaign-Urbana
† South Indianapolis
Wichita
† Lafayette
† Lake Charles
Baton Rouge
? New Orleans
† Watertown
† Bangor
Brunswick
† Genessee County
† Gulf Coast
† Vegas Valley
Sierra Nevada [Reno]
† Merrimack Valley
Elizabeth
† Rochester
† Middletown
Albany
† Church of NC
† Charlotte
† Cleveland
† Portland
† Pittsburgh City Office
† Memphis
† West Austin
† Harlingen
†? Deep Ellum
Houston
San Antonio
El Paso
† Salt Lake City
† Richmond
† Alexandria
† Bellingham
Seattle
† Eastside [Seattle]
† Milwaukee

† indicates defunct, others are nominally open but may have minimal or no hours, if they still exist at all