Thank you Indie8million,

This made me cry good tears. I inadvertently made my life a living hell last April/May. After watching the Going Clear documentary, I flipped out with worry about my friends that I had left (two very high ranking CMO INT persons) locked up under armed guard in a bathroom at PAC when I initially “blew” the SO. (I was found shortly, and drug back, to route out “properly”. This of course included many hours of being berated, called a whore, etc. by DM personally).

Anyway, I flipped, and before I did enough research to find out that my two friends in question had made it out and were safe, I found an article about Doreen Gilham that said she had escaped, but then died in an “accident”. I wigged out even more and started talking to my boss. I knew she had watched the documentary, and was watching the “Aftermath” programs, because she talked about them with our department staff. Ironically, she convinced me to speak out. I posted a comment on (this blog I think?) that if DM were to read, he would know was me. My boss even edited the comment before I posted. After posting the comment I became totally paranoid that DM and henchmen would hunt me down. Of course I lost my job along with hundreds of friends (because, well, I WAS a nutcase at that point 😉

Thankfully I’m over the paranoia now.

Thank you very much for your supportive comment. I haven’t had internet access for many months, and out of my hundreds of friends and close family, I now can count those on one hand.

Having internet access now, being able to reach out to this support group, AND actually look for work, will provide me the ability to turn things around!

Thanks again,
LostCMO

CMO Lost – 100%, friend.

I know what you mean about how you can be judged, no matter what you say, after being in. You’re either “that poor soul” who was abused or “how could he be so stupid to go into a cult like that??”. I can relate to everything you said here.

I knew that things were off the rails in 1982 when things started falling apart and people were leaving, including a close family member. I listened to everything they had to say about it but decided to stay in BUT, with one eye open.

Fortunately, I successfully avoided both the reges “I’m not a cycle – save your time and go talk with someone who can really get you a product today” and the SO recruiters.

Now, I’m out but hardly anyone knows. In my new relationships with wonderful people in the world, I never mention it. I don’t have any books visible in my house. I still use “the tech” – what I found works for me – and I have a few friends who are out. I don’t even tell the majority of the people who are out that I’m out. News spreads like wildfire.

Part of the reason I stay under the radar is so that, when friends find themselves in a bad position with the church – being attacked or mistreated so badly that they finally see what’s happening – I’m there to give them the truth at the gradient that they can have it. 90% of the people I’ve done that with have gotten out. So happy about that.

Plus, I would rather run the underground railroad than be strung up in the town square.

A dear friend of mine is going to a counselor who specializes in people who have been in cults. He’s enjoying the experience and shaking off a lot of leftover stuff from the SO. They are doing a lot better in life. VERY “PTS” to the middle class. haha. 🙂

One thing that’s difficult to shake after being in the SO seems to be that “You pulled it in” some how. Not true. Check out this bit from the lecture, “The Descent of Man”. This is one of the few places where I’ve heard Ron admit that some things are just not your fault.

“Full responsibility contains the willingness to let somebody else be responsible, too.
Now, any malcondition which is persisting is being misowned. It may be that the person did it and is saying somebody else did it and has a picture, then, which is misowned. He’s saying, “I didn’t run the car into the tree. I didn’t run the car into the tree. The actuality is she was talking so much and so hard, she distracted me so much that the car ran into the tree and I didn’t do it. I didn’t do that.” And they’ve got the accident right there all the time. They ran the car into the tree and they made the picture. Just like that. And they’re shoving the blame off on somebody else so it persists.

“But equally they have other things which they’re saying, “I did it. I was a nag, I was a bum, I should have lived better. I did it.” And the thing’s persisting. And they didn’t do it. Their wife went bad or their husband left them from other causes than their own action and behavior. And this person is accepting all of the responsibility for some other person having done something terrible or dreadful and is feeling bad about it when the actuality is they had nothing to do with it!”

So, you see, you didn’t do it. You did what you did, ok, fine. But the things you DIDN’T do, they don’t belong to you. You didn’t do it.

You can find this whole transcript at the following link. Actually a ton of transcripts. Use control+F to bring up a search bar and then put in “Descent of Man” to find it.

http://www.liferepairspecialist.com/ScientologyMaterials/index.php?dir=00_3+WRITTEN+Materials+-+Books%2C+Coursespacks%2C+Checksheets%2C+etc%2FTape+transcripts+in+order%2F5506C03+Anatomy+of+the+Spirit+of+Man%2F

You have a lot of rightness about you. Find those and find more. Rinse and repeat. 🙂

🙂 Richard, that’s a pass. Ready for your Starrate?

Yeah, “declasse” or “declassee” if you’re female…for paying your bills on time. Can’t make it up, Richard – just CAN’T make it up! 🙂

Ms. P, we will definitely meet at OSD’s beach bash! I’m glad we’re tracking, and that sometimes you say what I’m thinking and don’t have to say it, and sometimes its vice versa. I think the most important aspect of this blog is realizing that what we each of us here for years did not share with others, out of guilt, out of fear, were actually very common “witholds”, that others were handling much the same, or precisely the same issues in precisely the same way. So funny that we each thought: “I’m the only one who thinks like this about (whatever)…better just keep it to myself…” and now, on this blog, we find out the truth. Looking forward to meeting you and everyone who can make it. We are going to have one hell of a party!

Hi Dead Men Tell No Tales,

I do not live anywhere near your area of Dallas, but I know there are many sympathetic people in your area, and absolutely NONE of them are scientologists. People in the Dallas area, can we please rally around DMTNT??

I hope it’s not wishful thinking. But… just opening up to “close friends”, coworkers and family, after keeping my mouth and ears shut for 30+ years (having left the CMO and DM in the early 80’s in my late teens) has brought me nothing but grief.

Loss of (non-scientology) friends, family, and ultimately my job. My boss was super supportive at first after I watched the Going Clear documentary last year (and flipped out). But that didn’t last long… neither did my friends and family.

I am glad to at least now have internet so I feel like I can talk to this support group. I haven’t had internet at home for six months, so even that felt eliminated.

Everyone loves you when you’re strong, resilient, keeping your mouth shut, and buying them what they want. The minute you fall down (which will happen eventually to anyone who has lived through the trauma of the SO, at one point or another and hasn’t really deal with it) – you are abandoned by almost everyone. Those who don’t know anything about Scientology think you’re insane. Those who have educated themselves by watching the documentary, Aftermath, or their own research are scared *hitless to have anything to do with you. “How can you put your family in this kind of jeopardy, even considering your mouth?!!!”, etc.

BTW, I was not, and have not yet (to my knowledge) been declared SP, but I am sure that is soon to happen.

Enough for now – I can still only say, and “take” on so much at once. But…

I think a much stronger support group is needed for people who “wig out” after many years of keeping their heads buried in the sand. After many, many years of building a “WOG” life, it can all be pulled out from under your feet in a week. Sadly, people are inherently selfish (sorry, that’s how I feel at the moment).

Aquamarine, I agree with you. Those people are worth helping.

I learned something new today!

Whatareyourcrimes
Thank you. I have been pretty much homeless for the last few years. My 2005 Mustang was stolen last year in Hemet a few miles from the Int Base and I was in the hospital with heart failure a few days later. The AIDS has been under control for 15 years and is no problem. What I really need is a decent job so I can support myself and get another car. I am in Dallas now staying with a friend and working for Steve Hall cleaning yards literally from dawn to dusk. Still seems like a libs day compared to the SO. I was in the SO since I was 20; am 59 now and was the Repair Chief Freewinds for 16 years. I can repair most anything mechanical and most things electrical.

Ever hear of a “coffee out”? Eight or ten people would go to a free coffee refill restaurant and shoot the bull. Everyone would drink cup after cup, eventually dropping out one by one until the last man standing (and wide awake) was the winner. I’m not sure if that’s part of my scn experience – unable to date and locate it at this time.