https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/article/2024/aug/18/tom-cruise-pulled-off-the-best-scientology-stunt-ever-if-only-he-could-really-levitate-paris-olympics

Catherine, don’t look for logic with people like this.

Here’s a quote from an Orson Welles film:

“And now I’m going to tell you about a scorpion. This scorpion wanted to cross a river so he asked the frog to carry him. “No”, said the frog, “no thank you. If I let you on my back, you may sting me, and the sting of the scorpion is death”. “Now where”, asked the scorpion, “is the logic in that? For scorpions always try to be logical. If I sting you, you will die. I will drown.” So the frog was convinced and allowed the scorpion on his back. But just in the middle of the river he felt a terrible pain and realized that, after all, the scorpion had stung him. “Logic!” cried the dying frog as he started under, bearing the scorpion down with him. “There is no logic in this!” “I know”, said the scorpion, “but I can’t help it – it’s my character.”

—Orson Welles as Mr. Arkadin.

Perhaps in my younger years I had too limited patience or tolerance for this sort of person. Well, I have less now.

Back then, I tended to doubt myself and believe their behavior was my fault. I didn’t listen to my instincts which told me that something was off, because I was obviously trying, etc., and somehow they just couldn’t or wouldn’t understand that. Nothing ever got cleared up, no matter how I tried. My instincts told me something was wrong with them. I didn’t listen to my instincts.

Today I do. I listen to my gut instincts. Oh, do I listen!

My antennae are wide open to these toxic types. I don’t deal with them. I don’t have to. I can afford not to. In fact, back in the day, I COULDN’T afford not to and eventually had to dump them. I don’t fight with them. I pick up these vibes, and I just ease away. I ease on down the road.

Looking back, each time, it was the best thing to do. Life is too short, really. There are just too many terrific people to enjoy and know and learn from and hang with to waste time with creeps.

It is stressful, i kniw as i have a family member like this and avoidance seems to be the only solution – as the article said they dont see things from others point of view and insist they are always correct and possibly sincerely believe it.

Avoidance for me is the only answer however again as the article said they try to monitir your evety move therefore ill get several messages daily asking a lot of questions.

Its never easy or pleasant avoiding a family member but some see thia as the only solution as all other attemots to be rational with such a person will only leed to frustration.

Yes, that’s the hazard of non-clinical people using clinical terms. It can be a lazy way of responding to someone who opposes your ideology. It carries the weight of authority, and can be a substitute for making a specific argument. The COS’ often casual use of “SP” is a perfect example.

Catherine, trying to understand it from the perspective of someone who isn’t like that is complicated.
They have a strong internal drive and a constant need to always be right by controlling others, even within their own family.
This condition leaves almost no room for empathy.

A key aspect is that their mind is always searching for flaws or mistakes in others. It’s not something rational that can be understood.
It stems from an internal void (motivated by who knows what) that they neither see nor can fill. Conflict, in any form, even mild, is fundamental to them.

It should also be noted that many people may seem to have these traits, but that doesn’t make them HCPs 100%. The presence of a certain degree of natural empathy should be the measure.