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Thursday Funnies

January 30, 2020 By Mike Rinder 35 Comments

 

The planet gets a little saner?

How is this when the number of new non-Clears is outstripping the number of Clears every day by 220,000 to 1?

You are literally in a bubble of unreality.

 

This is the reason to Clear them?

I thought it was because they are aberrated?

 

Oh, that makes sense…

You know that 22 of the 25 largest cities on earth (with populations above 8 million) are in countries that don’t even have a single scientology org? This includes China, India, Indonesia, Brazil, Turkey and Korea

 

They finally got one Clear

And a Power Plus completion at their graduation?

 

Hope they don’t sucker too many into attending….

 

You will remember the regging

That is for sure. And it might be the only thing.

 

Freewinds — top of the Bridge

Problem is they only have one or two OT VIII’s a month…

The rest of the people are doing retreads of old stuff.

 

Wonder if he actually uses LRH quotes?

He had some not-so-nice things to say on the subject.

 

I love the smell of chlorine in the morning…

Hallucinating on the Purif?

 

 

It’s an exciting seminar….

But watch out for the smell of chlorine

 

Free breakfast AND lunch!

That’s desperate.

And the Flag Land Base is now in Tampa?

 

It sounds good…

Until you know what the moral code of a scientologist is.

 

Life saving tools?

How to disseminate is a life saving tool?

 

Urgent — we need your stats.

Even if they are 0. Because one of OUR stats is the number of people who report their stats!

 

Does this apply to the IAS?

 

How embarrassing

They couldn’t even steal an image properly…

 

No Clears in Auckland

 

Uh oh…

Desperation time.

 

He’s a Playah

Don’t you just love it when they try to guilt the public into “playing the Birthday Game” so we can win.

Little do they know the results are rigged.

 

Kereoke?

Is that the Canadian way of spelling the word?

 

Is there something odd in the drinking water in Vancouver?

 

Sorry guys

This is NOT going to do it….

 

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Filed Under: Funnies Tagged With: Auckland, Freewinds, fundraising, funnies, IAS, Ideal Orgs, L. Ron Hubbard, Stevens Creek, Vancouver

Comments

  1. Robert King says

    February 1, 2020 at 1:52 pm

    I find it ridiculous to have these “How to” seminars with some speaker when Hubbard’s tech is suppose to be non verbal …?

    Reply
    • Cindy says

      February 1, 2020 at 3:09 pm

      Good point Robert King. Yes, per the Verbal Tech Checklist and KSW, you aren’t supposed to be interpreting the writings of LRH, and yet nowadays they are all doing this with every speaker or seminar they host.

      Reply
  2. Francis Khoury says

    January 31, 2020 at 3:02 pm

    Sadly, the Perth poster at the beginning of this blog entry is as ironic as it gets.

    Reply
  3. Linear13 says

    January 31, 2020 at 1:01 am

    “Paging Mr. Rick Butz newly Clear from Stevens Creek Org can you connect with Ms. Susan Ahola from the Freewinds World Tour. Repeat that’s Butz and Ahola can you please connect.”

    They are making it too easy for us SPs.

    Reply
  4. The Moose says

    January 30, 2020 at 11:45 pm

    They are always so excited about having to repeat courses.

    Reply
  5. Aquamarine says

    January 30, 2020 at 11:27 pm

    “What DOES the mysteries of Egypt have to do with our Plan B?”

    OMG.

    “What DO the mysteries of Egypt have to do with our Plan B?”

    Yo Cult !

    Hopefully the as yet undisclosed location of this seminar will be a 4th grade elementary school grammar class!

    Whoever wrote this promo is qualified to attend!

    Much love,
    Aqua

    Reply
  6. Linear13 says

    January 30, 2020 at 5:14 pm

    I’m only going to go into a tiny bit of chemistry here I don’t want to be a TLDR post. Chlorine is the chemical element CL with atomic number 17. There are probably thousands of compounds of chlorine. The most common is sodium chloride, aka common salt. “In the form of chloride ions, chlorine is necessary to all forms of life.” (Wikipedia). I’m going to be lazy here and just copy/paste a wiki section on swimming pools. It’s quite informative.

    Chlorine is usually used (in the form of hypochlorous acid) to kill bacteria and other microbes in drinking water supplies and public swimming pools. In most private swimming pools, chlorine itself is not used, but rather sodium hypochlorite, formed from chlorine and sodium hydroxide, or solid tablets of chlorinated isocyanurates. The drawback of using chlorine in swimming pools is that the chlorine reacts with the proteins in human hair and skin. The distinctive ‘chlorine aroma’ associated with swimming pools is not the result of chlorine itself, but of chloramine, a chemical compound produced by the reaction of free dissolved chlorine with amines in organic substances. As a disinfectant in water, chlorine is more than three times as effective against Escherichia coli as bromine, and more than six times as effective as iodine.[80] Increasingly, monochloramine itself is being directly added to drinking water for purposes of disinfection, a process known as chloramination.

    Wikipedia article on chlorine https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chlorine.

    I would hazard a guess that the Org where they did their purif did not have well water but probably city water…which is treated water…which when turned to steam probably reeks of chlorine. This poor person probably couldn’t think of another ‘toxin’ that they had ever ingested and when someone noticed a heavy chlorine smell (maybe city water was super treating that day due to heavy rains) they said ‘Oh wow I used to be on the swim team it must be ME!’…or Clorox in the towels like another poster postulated below. Basic chemistry that no one at the Org bothered to even look up…I mean 1 minute on Wikipedia but hey we can’t invalidate anyone’s wins.

    Reply
    • Aquamarine says

      January 30, 2020 at 11:31 pm

      I was thinking that Purif saunas may well be sanitized with a watered down Clorox solution. Anyone know?

      Reply
  7. ValR says

    January 30, 2020 at 4:02 pm

    Three things really stuck out in this parade of horribleness (and that’s saying a lot because really?)

    1. Someone told the truth or at least close to it. According to 2018 statistics, Chicago IS the third largest city in the US. What’s up with that? They are going to go to RPF for sure.

    2. This is a rhetorical question, and of course the answer is no, but does anyone read these promos before they go out? The promo that talks about Connect to the top of the bridge. Look at the last paragraph (if you can call it that) on the left side. “More than a stunning presentation of everything that is waiting for you at the OT” Say what?

    3. Someone needs to review the tone scale. Hiding is below 0. Austin Org is going to have a grand opening but we won’t tell you when. Or the poster what is our plan B? Location: Disclosed on Approval. If you were really making able people, no one would be afraid of a few aberrated people, right?

    Reply
  8. Chuckles says

    January 30, 2020 at 2:45 pm

    I’m confused about the Seattle connection. They are driving from Canada to Seattle to sing karaoke? Is karaoke outlawed in British Columbia?

    Also, that semicolon in the Chicago poster is not grammatically correct. If you are going to use a semicolon, know how to use it.

    Reply
    • Aquamarine says

      January 30, 2020 at 11:34 pm

      Now we know you’re a Suppressive, Chuckles. SPs are all semicolon experts, every damned one of them.

      Reply
    • Foremost says

      February 8, 2020 at 2:13 am

      Regfest In Seattle … the image where it says “…go Vancouver” … is in Seattle. The Vancouver Clan got conned to go there under the false pretense of a social meet-up, which is only the usual underhanded fare to get them regged.

      Saves the reges some traveling expenses by getting them all in one place.

      Reply
    • Foremost says

      February 8, 2020 at 2:23 am

      The names on the regboard for Vancouver are ALL the same as those of 35 years ago.

      The name “Pat Stojak” on the board is that of a convicted unregistered investment conman, but he made it to OT VII anyway. He’s the Reed Slatkin of Vancouver.

      No new names.

      Reply
      • PeaceMaker says

        February 10, 2020 at 4:50 pm

        Foremost, thanks. 35 years later, same group of diehards – that’s got to be the story of a lot of the small and failing orgs.

        Reply
  9. Ms. B. Haven says

    January 30, 2020 at 2:09 pm

    scientologist Brenda Stewart sez:
    “I had no idea that my muffled hearing was caused by a toxin trapped in my body.”

    Ya, me neither. But I’m in good company. The vast majority of real doctors and scientists would agree with me that the untested and unresearched ‘purif’ is snake oil quackery at its best.

    Reply
    • Linear13 says

      January 31, 2020 at 12:44 am

      Yeah it’s funny how she made the leap from chlorine being the ‘toxin’ she’s getting rid of to it somehow magically fixing her hearing problems. It couldn’t be the high temperatures from being in a sauna day after day melting some of that ear wax deep in her ears…Noooo that would make sense and nothing about this purif win makes sense.

      Reply
  10. Badafuco says

    January 30, 2020 at 2:05 pm

    I’m not doing anything the next few weeks. Maybe I’ll try to get a free trip to Austin. I have a few friends that live there.

    Reply
  11. Gordon Weir says

    January 30, 2020 at 1:15 pm

    So many of the people you see in $ci are not from The USA which speaks volumes.

    Reply
  12. Shereefe says

    January 30, 2020 at 1:04 pm

    Is it me? Or does LRH’s quote about giving nothing (Scientology courses) for something ( money) is committing a crime. Something like that. In my opinion, he was laughing all the way to the bank

    Reply
  13. Briget says

    January 30, 2020 at 11:45 am

    JeezLaweeze – the reason he thinks he smells all that chlorine leaving his pores (in his towels) is because, if the place is being run at all right (questionable, I admit) the towels are being washed with clorox.

    Reply
    • Aquamarine says

      January 30, 2020 at 11:42 pm

      That, or, the porous wooden benches, the porous, raised wooden flooring, the wooden walls, etc. of the sauna are being wiped down with Clorox Bleach solution!
      Or else, think of the germs in the wood from all that sweat…ew.

      Reply
  14. Zee Moo says

    January 30, 2020 at 11:39 am

    Nothing much new here. Just the usual ‘Horray for Us’; ‘Listen to our Bullshit’; more ‘Horray for us’ and ‘Look what we did/might do/pretend to do’ stuff and of course, lots of ‘and so and so forth’ crap.

    It is one thing to keep Austin weird, it is another to look for new slaves there. Given Ottawa’s quick protests of the ‘Industry of Death’ roadshow, what will the Austinites do about their new mOrg? 99% will just ignore it and the other 1% will ignore it too.

    Reply
  15. LoosingMyReligion says

    January 30, 2020 at 10:55 am

    I think that very few ever made it to teach dissemination to somebody for real.

    Once I was in an org for a project and they had this huge dissemination weekend. They got there some famous fsm to held the seminar. Big deal. Then the partecipants were all sent out in mass to sell a books or get somebody in for a lecture or a test.

    They were drilled to be super uptone and tone 40. Well you should have seen it. You had these 30 guys running and moving fast in the town square with wide open eyes huge smile and talking tone 40 (almost screaming). “hey! Hello!….”

    People were literally escaping. Cause many where been hit by different disseminator each minute. One could have even thought to be witnessing an alien invasion.

    Reply
  16. BKmole says

    January 30, 2020 at 9:48 am

    I noticed that AOSHUK is showing off a recent Solo auditor graduate. He seems to be Italian. Where are all the British graduates? Possibly the Brits are wise to the Scientology scam? Another indication that the cult is shrinking. They have to lure people from other country’s to get a stat.

    Reply
    • LoosingMyReligion says

      January 30, 2020 at 11:24 am

      Yes. But he makes the appearance. Soon you will see him also in the aosheu promo.

      Reply
      • BKmole says

        January 31, 2020 at 2:37 am

        I’m sure. For many members is a honor to be in promotional materials. Fools.

        Reply
  17. PeaceMaker says

    January 30, 2020 at 9:47 am

    Interesting to finally see something from Austin, which has applied for a permit for the opening of their “ideal” renovated building on February 12 according to info posted over at Tony Ortega’s (though apparently that’s not so certain). That 2,000 hours of central files work is equivalent to a full years’ worth of work by one person – so to get it done in two weeks they’d need about two dozen people working full time, which seems unlikely. Orlando apparently also didn’t have their CF finished before the opening, and pictures only showed 2 to 3 dozen staff there, so Scientology must be letting the requirements for openings start to slide in order to keep them happening at all; I wonder what else is slipping.

    And “cocktail” attire at the mission located off an alley, that’s badly in need of renovations, and full of castoff furniture from about the time of Scientology’s heyday several decades into last century? The people who run it are like Energizer bunnies – or the walking dead.

    p.s. I love the “stat” about “22 of the 25 largest cities on earth” being in countries with no Scientology orgs – that’s brilliant, and really puts things in perspective.

    Reply
    • Aquamarine says

      January 31, 2020 at 9:49 pm

      Just I used to love (not) being mandated to dress up in my best cocktail attire for New Year’s Eve and the Birthday Event (out of “respect” for LRH) only to sit for 3 hours listening to a video and then stand on line to eat pasty lasagna and salad with throat-constricting vinaigrette dressing. Oh, and to top it off, there would always be those who showed up at the last minute in jeans (scruffy) and sneakers (beat up) AND THEY’D BE LET IN. So much for “respecting” LRH… These were the “I only wear jeans and never wear anything else” people. Well!

      Yo Cult!
      For the record, I had NO problem per se with ANYONE wearing jeans to an Int Event. That said, if you MUST stress the importance of proper dress and you MUST insist that ONLY black tie is sufficiently respectful to LRH: in brief, if your dress code is so almighty important, then how about enforcing it? Turn people away at the door if they’re not “respectfully” dressed! Or, more sanely, how about getting real, ditching the dress code and allowing ALL of us be comfortable while watching your endless, booming, boring thing and eating piles of poorly cooked pasta?
      Much love,
      Aqua
      PS: Thanks for reading my rant, OSA. We know you’re always here 🙂

      Reply
  18. Marconon says

    January 30, 2020 at 8:49 am

    lol. These reg events are so transparent. “Find out if you qualify to attend!” Do you have a wallet or a credit card, or a pulse so that we can get you a credit card?

    Come learn the secrets of how Egypt built their gleaming edifices – by using slaves – and how Scientology has perfected this technique!

    Come for the regging, stay for the grammar!

    Reply
    • Old Surfer Dude says

      January 30, 2020 at 12:46 pm

      “Find out if you qualify to attend”. Get a mirror and have that person breathe on it.

      Reply
      • ValR says

        January 30, 2020 at 4:04 pm

        Nah, it’s more complicated than that. They also ask have an entire list of people topped by Mike Rinder and Leah Remini who they ask you if you have heard of. If you have, you have been disqualified. If you haven’t heard of these people, they really could care less if you can fog a mirror, honestly, as long as your wallte is intact.

        Reply
    • Giorgos S. says

      January 30, 2020 at 3:53 pm

      “Come for the regging, stay for the grammar!”

      ROFL!

      Reply
      • Old Surfer Dude says

        January 30, 2020 at 9:51 pm

        “Come for the Regges stay for the grammar”.

        ROTFLMFAO! But it’s actually true.

        Reply
    • Aquamarine says

      January 31, 2020 at 9:52 pm

      LOL!

      Reply
  19. George M. White says

    January 30, 2020 at 8:26 am

    “You know that 22 of the 25 largest cities on earth (with populations above 8 million) are in countries that don’t even have a single scientology org? This includes China, India, Indonesia, Brazil, Turkey and Korea”

    Scientology is in reality a very small, confused andl irrelevant message which appeals to a very, very small percentage of the world’s population.

    Reply

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