May I present the cultural achievement in poetry award for
the Shakespearian death at the finale, OLE, !!!
Se magnifique!!!
Wunderbar.
Give me about 64 more languages, please,
for yippie caye yay!
I don’t ever recall, ever being quite so happy at a funeral.

correction: fear of [not] applying Student Hat correctly.
Leave it to scientology, for such a thing to exist.

and while i’m here i’d like to say:

“applied religious philosophy my A__.*
*happy moon-shaped object” Sincerely, blue moon

Thank you Susan for sharing this important story, as it illustrates the true nature of what scientology actually IS,
as opposed to what they tell you.
This church is so sinister and heartless that it is very difficult for the uninitiated to believe.
The initial benefit is simply bait, to trick you into thinking all the wonderful things they offer are plausibly real. And in your case, the one truly good thing that came from your “donations” was the friendship with your twin, and they had to ruin that… And then hammering you with “Ethics” punishments for being honest about your parents, just to make sure your flaws stay “real” inside your head, keeping you trapped in their unholy game. ..
To me, that shows how much they really care about the faithful individual,
And what should really be done with this so-called “church”, organization of deceit so hungry for your money and nothing else. So the world may better know – Thank you again.

Thank you, Cindy. It helps to have your perspective and experience.

See my answer to Clearly Not Clear for my mom. I was Fitness Boarded out of the Sea Org (thank goodness I only had to endure 3 weeks on the EPF, as I was headed to the ship as an LRH comm, and there have been horror stories from the ship). But I went into the EPF as a confident, bighearted, successful person (who, on the side, was terrified of leaving home at 16, and terrified of my anger issues rearing their ugly head and hurting someone) and I came out a terrified and broken person who vaguely had some sense of once being self-assured and happy.

So my mom, who wants to help me recover, offers to pay for my auditor training, up to Class 5, and offers to help with the PTS situation (reason for the FTB; I was getting sick from a mysterious fever, five days in a row, and I couldn’t study the Basic Study Manual because I was so exhausted the words ran together.)

The C/S then tells my mother I am a Special Case and need auditing for my PTS condition. Then I need auditing because I say I am Clear. Then I need auditing because I wasn’t clear. I can’t co-audit because I am a special case. I can’t train because I am a special case. But I can get auditing and through auditing they can fix me. They can make me capable to train. After this program. And this program, because of something I originated. And this form, and this process, and this program, but it’s okay, it should only take three intensives. Well, for normal people it takes three intensives, but I’m a special case so it takes me 12.

You know what it means when you have thick case files, right? An auditor asks me, hefting my eighth folder, so we need to do another process. It’s only a three page form, though, so no use crying about it.

It’s not like the auditors were themselves evil, but they were severely misguided. I mean, everything that isn’t in support of Scientology is either suppressive or bank manifestations. So of course they treat me accordingly and I, having grown up in Scientology, don’t know anything different.

As you said, they are on the line if they don’t comply with their superiors, and god knows what they would have to endure– we know of some stories and that seems so much worse than endless conditions and threats of public assignment of conditions, that I don’t find it in me to hate any of my auditors, C/Ses, etc.

Oh, and my mom did end up finally rescuing me from the endless auditing – in one conversation with her I accidentally let it slip that I was cleaning my entire apartment with a toothbrush, per my auditor’s instructions, and that I wasn’t allowed to listen to music while I was doing so, and that I couldn’t do anything other than clean to relax, because everything else, including my own writing and creative outlets, could possibly key me in. She went ‘What??!!’ And then proceeded to tell me that was insane, and completely out ethics, and she would help me write a KR but I was coming home on the next train. Mid process be damned. I was so ridiculously relieved, I almost told her the rest, but several bouts of ethics kept me quiet. It wasn’t until years later that I could tell her other things that had happened under auditors and their supposed instructions for my welfare. But no, my mom was and is my hero — she also got me out of the EPF, and I didn’t think they would let me go.

Thank you, Clearly Not Clear (and by gosh do I resonate with that name–except I was thrilled to pieces when I was told I wasn’t clear because it meant they couldn’t push me to my OT levels).

I should clarify my mom was not in any way harmful or suppressive towards me. I was always ‘in the middle of a process’ and she was at Flag on her 6, and later home on 7, and she was told to leave me in the middle of a process was out-ethics and likely suppressive.

I had no doubt that if I had left Scientology, she would have left with me, but how could I force her to make that kind of choice, if she was doing so well and was so close to the top of the Bridge? Little did I know she had almost quit several years earlier, only she didn’t want to take away my chances of doing well, like we were all promised. Plus her experiences were isolated, like mine were. Surely not everyone went through this, or the place would be a graveyard. Also my little brother was in, and seemed to be doing well, so how could I make him choose between us and Scientology?

I was expressly told not to convey any problems of any kind to my mother or that would be discussing Case, and I went through enough ethics cycles discussing rather benign problems with my mom (who, up to that point, had been my mom, my dad, my best friend, etc.) and I had not had reason to lie to her before. So suddenly I have to lie, because she calls me every day to check in and see how I am and I’m smiling into the phone, laughing, just thrilled to pieces, because it was that or sob. And if I had cried she would have said to heck with ethics, I’m getting you out of there, and what would she have had to suffer then? Little did I know everyone suffers on 7 — or at least I have yet to meet someone who was on 7 and didn’t suffer for years.

After I would hang up with her I would sob, sometimes for hours, and occasionally I walked in front of cars hoping to remove myself from the equation–no more of me, no more to audit, no more extorting money from my mother. Thank God I was never successful. Now I’m actually grateful because I know what it is to be in an abusive relationship without going through the broken bones and hospital visits, and I have a lot more compassion for many sides of life that I could not have grasped through imagination. Of course, we broke other things than bones, we carry inner tormentors that remain even after escaping the abuse, but I think that is true with everyone in an abusive relationship.

Well put indeed .

I understand TC. BUT, it STILL made no sense. So you lose ONE lifetime of SCN. You just start over next time (40 years later or whatever). THAT was why it was no threat to those who could think somewhat.

Wow, powerful writeup, Jo. I could so relate to all you said. I have been in your place and “too much of a good thing” is a bad thing. I am especially sorry your mom didn’t know how she was harming you by pressuring you to get auditing and even paying for tons of it when you didn’t want it.

When I would route into the HGC on refreshers, they board I/C would say, “Be here at 8:00 am fed and rested for session tomorrow. I’d say, “But that is 5:00 a.m. my time cuz I’m from the West Coast and I’d have to get up at the equivalent of 3:30 a.m. in order to dress, eat, and walk from the FH or Yachtsman over to the Sandcastle by 8:00 am Eastern time, because the busses don’t run that early.” I said I was tired and jet lagged from the trip and that my normal waking time is NOT 5:00 am. And the poor board IC would argue and push because it was her ass if the only pc there couldn’t get in session by 8 am and go until 10 am. The real why for all of this was NO PC”s. Their watering hole was drying up as more and more went under the radar or just plain left. So if one luckless person wanders in there as a pc, they will keep you in session all day and night, will run over your wins, not let you have breaks etc just to “get the auditing stats for Well Done Auditing Hours up.” Where is the concern for the pc in that? Where is the concern about helping the pc and improving their case in that? Nowhere.

And even more than just getting the WDAH’s up, it is the idea of bust through this intensive so we can debit the next intensive and spend the money and then reg more money. It’s about the money and not the pc these days. It didn’t start out that way but ended up that way under DM.

Lois, I’m so sorry for your loss due to disconnection of precious family. I too am suffering from the loss of my two kids. But reading your post, I smell a book there. I want to encourage you to write your history and experiences with the church, with the CMO with Ron. If you need help writing it, Dan Koon did a good job with Ronnie’s book. Let’s keep those books coming because they are a beacon of light on the evil being done.