I do understand what you’re going through Odd Thomas. It is a huge loss. I had a friend of 30 years who I had helped her and she had helped me and we were BFF’s. And based on a whispering campaign in the church, she disconnected from me, and still owes me some stuff which I’ll never see. And the point is that she disconnected from me without even an SP declare on me. Now the church doesn’t even have to go to the trouble of writing up goldenrod on you. A few well placed words and 1.1 comments about a person (with no proof or time, place, form and event to show the friend about the person) and voila! their friends then disconnect from them. It is the witch hunt that Ron warned against in the Characteristics of the Social and Anti Social Person policy letter. But that’s only a friend. Imagine the 1000000 X pain if it is a son or daughter and grandkids who disconnect.

Odd Thomas,
I agree with your comments completely. Being disconnected from is an especially difficult situation to deal with because the person(s) is still alive and the cycle/problem has no end or any way you can solve it. You’re just emotionally tormented every day. For the first 3-4 months I tried to figure out where to put this in my universe so that I could live life & not be enturbulated by it so much. The solution I came up with was to pretend my daughter & grand-daughter were living somewhere far away and know that they were healthy and okay.

My daughter had the most incredible fine wavelength to her before she “got serious” and joined staff and I know that it is still there – underneath the false baggage that been piled on by her in order to survive in the world she now lives in.

Jane,
Thank you so much for your kind words.

Thanks Graduated.
That describes somewhat the way I have been operating. I have made casual mention of how well we did when we regged people for their Bridge and actually used portions of that income to upgrade the Org buildings. How we played the Birthday game and the goal was St. Hill size Orgs not Ideal Orgs.
I have also casually given them permission to do whatever the hell they like in life even if it means becoming a Mormon or Moony, telling them my love for them does not include limitations or clauses.
I have done this in a cheerful manner and believe I may be making some progress at least with one of my children. When one of my kids was criticizing another for being “out ethics” I told them they should never judge another before walking a mile in their shoes…because then you are a mile away and you have a new pair of shoes! He laughed at this and seemed to relax about it a bit.
So in summary I believe I am making progress using this “zen” approach…just not as quickly as i could hope I suppose.
Your reference to the Creed is a great idea and one I will use!
Thanks

Axiom 38, bring the truth to those loved ones within the trap without having it blow up into a declare is actually an easy thing to do when a high-ARC, gradient approach is employed. In fact, I have had great success not even indicating any data outside the person’s reality, as such is reactively resisted as “entheta” or “enemy lines”. The line of least resistance is like a Zen session – where only strings are pulled, questions are asked on only those issues where the person is already cognizant of contrary facts that hang them up in a maybe.

As you pull strings and make it safe for them to give honest answers FROM THEIR REALITY, you afford them the opportunity to have a genuine LOOK for themselves without jeopardizing any stable data they are as yet unwilling to relinquish. By just pulling strings, indicating WHICH outpoint THEY are observing, and employing some high-ARC, playful “bate and badger” only when appropriate, recognizing rightness and NEVER op-terming, you begin to see by their indicators the pain and anguish of betrayal, followed by a “something is rotten in Denmark” cognition being verbalized. Thereafter, a reference to The Creed of the Church of Scientology is adequate to send them on their way to make their own further decisions about the situation (see http://www.faqs.org/faqs/scientology/users/codes_and_creeds/):

We of the Church believe:
That all men of whatever race, color or creed were created with equal rights;
That all men have inalienable rights to their own religious practices and their performance;
That all men have inalienable rights to their own lives;
That all men have inalienable rights to their sanity;
That all men have inalienable rights to their own defense;
That all men have inalienable rights to conceive, choose, assist or support their own organizations, churches and governments;
That all men have inalienable rights to think freely, to talk freely, to write freely their own opinions and to counter or utter or write upon the opinions of others;
That all men have inalienable rights to the creation of their own kind;
That the souls of men have the rights of men;
That the study of the mind and the healing of mentally caused ills should not be alienated from religion or condoned in non-religious fields;
And that no agency less than God has the power to suspend or set aside these rights, overtly or covertly.

And we of the Church believe:
That man is basically good;
That he is seeking to survive;
That his survival depends upon himself and upon his fellows and his attainment of brotherhood with the universe.

And we of the Church believe that the laws of God forbid man:
To destroy his own kind;
To destroy the sanity of another;
To destroy or enslave another’s soul;
To destroy or reduce the survival of one’s companions or one’s group.

And we of the Church believe that the spirit can be saved and that the spirit alone may save or heal the body.

Jane —

You began your comment by stating “I am sorry for your loss.”
It just struck me when I read it, that this is a comment usually reserved for people whose loved one has just died. Isn’t it fascinating, that we have started using this term to describe an enforced action that is just a mockery of something that actually deserves our attention and sympathy.

But it is sad, isn’t it, that we must go through our own sense of grief in regards to people disconnecting from us. Who are stating, really – you are no longer of sufficient importance to me, regardless of what you may have done for me in the past, or what we may have shared in the past.

My wife recently received a comm like this. Someone, we have known for over 30 years, who while being on lines, was told that she could no longer be connected to a friend, who has been there for her, in every meaningful way you could consider, and yet, in a five minute phone call, was made as important as last year’s calendar.

I am at a loss sometimes, in understanding how so many people are accepting this action as survival, when all indications and known measurements of common sense, say otherwise. I keep thinking and/or believing that these RCS members will, of their own volition, come to their senses and realize what’s been happening. But, I may be kidding myself. Me thinks some dramatic action, some convergence of forces will need to occur, before the blinders fall away.

Seeker, I am so sorry for your loss. It is so sad to lose the loves of your life. but I have seen it happen as you say, that they change when they join staff. Gradually, anyone who isn’t swilling the Kool Aid fast enough, they make critical remarks about and distance themselves from in a very superiod “I’m better than you” make-wrong. And that even unfortunately includes their very parents. It is so sad to see this. And DM is a horrible SP for splitting up families with his disconnection policy. I wish you the very best of luck putting your life together again. Know you have friends in us all and that you are not alone.

This is great news!