*Ed Note: It is worth zooming in on the illustration at the top of the flyer, there are some wonderful explanations there that are probably unreadable without enlarging.
RB – you’re spot on the money once again. Very good!
It also reminded me of those Reader Digest scams where they make you believe you’ve practically won already and all you have to do is place the pretty stickers in the right place and “shasam” you’re off to Vegas in style!
Ah… the lower depths of stupidity the human mind can get down to is no better exampled than in the devotees of COB. The ability to believe the dreams of ‘delusions of grandeur’ is what sets the scientologist apart from any intelligent human being.
This is such a perfect piece of satire that it gives me goosebumps.
RB you are brilliant, thank you for making the absurd reality of Co$ so amazingly clear and amusing!
Mike, thank you for everything you do!
Just gotta say it…I detest this vile pseudo-religious, money grubbing cult…
These OT are At Cause over MEST. The way to prove it is to put Ideal Orgs out there. Ideal Orgs are made of matter, they have huge electricity costs and fuel costs for heating which is the energy part, they are huge and empty and that is the space part, and they have been that way for a long time. So for them to prove they are OT then all they have to do is to max out their credit and put that money down on the Ideal Org programme.
And yet, RolandRB, this all makes perfect sense to them. This all makes sense to seemingly otherwise intelligent, sensible people.
Expansion Of Square Footage/ Buildings Delivering Scientology = Expansion of Scientology.
Now, if you asked ANY of them if expansion of square footage ALONE of the spaces utilized by THEM to house THEIR businesses and/or the companies for which THEY work would automatically equate those companies’ expansion, they would look at you like you’re crazy and say, “Of course not!” (And, this, btw, I know, because I have asked.)
YET, they believe that a bigger SCIENTOLOGY BUILDING somehow, someway means a bigger Scientology organization.
If its a wog business, there’s NO identification between a building and an organization. “Building” and “Organization” are quite distinctly different.
However, regarding anything owned or operated by Scientology, a BUILDING IS an ORANIZATION. They are the SAME. Therefore, the larger the building, the bigger the organization!
YES! if its ANYTHING Scientological, somehow, SOMEWAY, the organization automatically expands when the building and property square footage increase.
BUT this ONLY works for Scientology!
You and I will never automatically expand our businesses by increasing the square footage we use to house our businesses.
But Scientology CAN!
My head is spinning just from writing this but to these Still Ins, somehow, it all makes sense!
Now, its obvious to me that there is something seriously wrong with them, mentally.
I just wish I could figure out what it is. Honestly, I’m not being funny. I really want to understand them, and I’m not going to give up until I really get it. Then I’ll move on.
I think the large and beautiful buildings approach is a valid one. They would like to think they are as important as the Mormons and for this to be believed then they have to rival the Mormons in the quantity and quality of their real estate. For a Church that has been around for 60 years then they should be expected to have many fine buildings. Plus it gives them something to sell if they get hit hard in the courts. These buildings add to their credibility both inside and outside the Church and it keeps the donations rolling in.
3) Now have another look, at what you’re looking “at”.
4) Decide thereby, whether you can see a being who IS genuinely SELF -determined!
or IS other-determined! (Mind Controlled) ie; hypnotized, implanted, en-cult-ified, etc.
5) Now quit doubting what it IS that you’re actually at.
6) Relax, you have now seen for yourself, what is there!
Were I speaking to Mr. Mark Kool Aid, I’d say, “Mark, I will listen to anything you have to say but first let me state there is no CLEAR, there is no OT and scientology is NOT clearing any planet. Okay, I’m done, you have the floor.”
Regraded, this latest gem of yours hit me where I live.
I know 4 Still-Ins who are redoing Purif, Objectives and Student Hat. They are smart, successful people who live well and make good money, with their own businesses. I know for a fact that they know how to spot and correct outpoints. I’m also certain that if for some reason they delivered and out-tech product/service they would deliver it again and not charge for the redo.
Yet they apparently observe nothing outpointy about their being told redo and pay full price for courses and auditing actions previously paid for and done.
The concept of RTC being RESPONSIBLE for the delivery of in-tech Scientology seemingly escapes these otherwise astute, ethical, successful business people!
These afore-mentioned Still-In acquaintances would insist on free replacement of any defective merchandise purchased they purchased. If services were delivered in a substandard way to them they would expect the service redone at no charge or at least with some sort of discount. I know they care for their customers and operate their own businesses on the principle of fair and honest exchange
Yet, at the same time, its OK with them, or possibly they don’t see, or won’t see, that the Church of Scientology sold them courses and auditing actions which the Church assured them back then were FULLY in tech, which they are NOW saying were NOT fully in tech and as such need to be redone AND repaid for IN FULL.
Somehow these otherwise bright, decent, observant, caring, successful people who seem to have no trouble applying common sense to the rest of their lives, see nothing odd, nothing wrong, in this.
I don’t get it.
I DO NOT GET IT! (Aquamarine emitting silent soul scream).
Hi Aquamarine, Really good posts! Silent soul scream with you! It is truly astounding how cos SO OSA David Ron screwed with us all.And still those in will not see or hear.Always Ann.
Amazon does not do Sec Checks or shunning when you return merchandise and or ask for a refund! Nor does any other entitiy except in the land of the Cult Worshipers.
They were fully in-tech when they were delivered. But as time moves on, standards must get higher and become more fully in-tech than they were before to keep up with the times. These customers got the very best in the past but advances have been made to the extent where it is now realise that what was delivered before was a sack of shit and needs to be done all over again. Think of it like desktop PCs.
Screaming right there with you, Aquamarine. Doing a facepalm so hard I hurt my head.
Scientology and COB are so perfect, in their minds, that they don’t even think that there could possibly be anything wrong. Like the Pied Piper’s rats jumping off the cliff.
Sort of like sheeple and the government. “Our government wouldn’t do that to us.”
Hurts the heart that nothing you can say will do anything but make them defend it more adamantly.
This is because (I guess) they fail to grasp that Scientology is a business. They think they are participating in religious rituals, instead of buying a product/service. Hubbard’s Big Lie, that his scam is a religion, just keeps on chugging along.
Yes, it’s very interesting how religion enters in here, ‘practicing a religion’ instead of buying goods/services, when purchasing goods and services is exactly what they are doing over and over again. This makes a business enterprise.
I was looking over the last promotion sent out by every single org and now they are promoting ‘life improvement’ courses. Things like How to Improve Your Marriage, which is ironic. No mention of SRD or Purif at all. It made me think how they could start promoting the church as a self-improvement center and not a religion. They actually might do better that way. Then I realized that I was engaging in some sort of rational thinking, so that would never apply. The CoS will never change course.
I take issue with the Cult being a business. It does not behave like one. It behaves like an organized crime syndicate at best. I expect the International ASSociation of Scamologists to get a Nigerian address soon but hope for Nigerias sake they don’t.
I found an older copy of my tech dictionary. I thought I’d share:
Sympathy- noun, an emotion that little wimpy weak thetans have that puts them at effect of other’s overt motivator.
Open Minded- noun, a mental aberration that has its basic basic from an incident that happened 789,456,444,000,125 years ago called the “Free Thinking Clam Creeper Incident.” This incident causes the PC or Pre Ot to become obsessed with thinking freely.
Love and Understanding- noun, a Marcab control conspiracy that weakens a thetan’s ability to do whatever they want at the expense of others. This conspiracy is particularly insidious when trying to ruin others for the greatest good.
Compassion- see Sympathy
Love- see Love and Understanding
Feeling Unity With All Life- noun, a squirrel other practice that prevents the Scientologist from harming others for the greatest good. This term represents the most dangerous form of philosophy that makes Big Beings into theedy weedy little tiny beings.
Reasonable- noun, using clear thinking to scrutinize the claims of L Ron Hubbard. This evil has been associated with the “Who The Fuck Do You Think You Are With All That Free Thinking Shit” incident.
Ron has mapped out the route for us to avoid this trap of using reason. Ron went through this implant and broke all of his fingers. Actuall his fingers shrunk and then got broken. Thank you Ron for doing the work.
Family-noun, a particularly painful implant making the PC or Pre OT feel that family bonding is more important than taking over the planet.
OT-noun, the state of delusional cause.
Conscience-noun, the greatest enemy of Scientology, L Ron Hubbard and David Miscavige
When you’re recovered from this and ready for some more hilarity, check out JohnAlexWood on Twitter.
Last night he began threatening an Australian lawyer with police action due to his “inciting religious hatred”. The heinous crime: making fun of Scientology.
Comedy ensued from all sides, with great answers to Wood’s insane rant.
Evidently “inciting religious hatred is a crime” is the new “bigot, bigot, bigot!”
I know this because actress/Jive Aces singer Rebecca Grant herself deigned to tweet those exact words to me last week after I sent her a link to Carmen Llewelyn’s article and made fun of the Jive Aces. Goodness, I should get 20 to life!
Apart from the obvious laughs, this gives me some insight into how they work: they think they have a humdinger of a line that will silence the critics and J&Ders.
They also have NO idea how police function, no connection to reality.
I believe, Scientologists aren’t really allowed to call the police. If they were to call the police over Twitter insults, they may even be fined for wasting police time.
All that’s needed to do to shut John Alex Wood up is to respond to one of his tweets: “Eric Idle thinks you’re a twat.” If there’s anything he loves more than Scientology, it’s Monty Python, and the fact that Idle told him to fuck off is a sore spot with him.
Pan Determined = (origin – Dianetics and L Ron Hubbard’s con religion scam)
The Being lives inside the Scientological Bubble and only creates a reality that protects the bubble.
The Being does whatever COB asks of them with no questions or doubts. The Being will attack anyone who disagrees or doubts. The Being will write KR’s on anyone including himself if there is a negative word whispered on Scientology, COB and LRH.
The Being will work, work and work to give all money and mest to Scientology. The Being typically will not have a family that would distract him/her from working for Scientology.
The Being will totally SELF-ABASE if Scientology does not work.
Willing to die for COB’s Cause.
Will give up all MEST and family to save COB.
Believes everything that comes from COB.
Won’t allow one ounce of “entheta” (truth about COB, Scientology and L Ron Hubbard) to enter the bubble.
Willing to be regraded lifetime after lifetime and pay for it.
First time commenter daily never-in user. Just to confirm. The flier copy is a joke right? “Arrogant certainty” isn’t CoS’s own copy? And progress isn’t really measured in percent of net worth. I mean… yes, in fact that is what it ultimately comes down to and if not CoS copy this us hilarious spot on satire at its best. It’s just that so often actual CoS copy is un-satirable (?) for being so breathtakingly flagrantly absurd.
I too at first couldn’t tell if it was part of the joke or not. That is until I saw the subtle dollar sign on the logo bottom right. Also because some of the actual real fliers are just as absurd. I am practically addicted to watching/reading anything anti-cult, especially scientology. I’m amazed at how many people have gotten sucked into this one. Fascinating.
Annette – a lot of us got in pre-ridicuousness. The people in early Scientology really wanted to help and found interesting concepts to study and learn. Even today, that’s what attracts. It’s not all absurd…But corporate, suppressive Scilontology is.
One of the best of the best of the Regraded Beings comics.
RB – hope to get to know you one day. If you reach out to me I promise not to blow your cover.
I think that Regraded Beings are about eighteen to one over Big Beings in the human race (minimum ratio). Those arrogant, bossy Big Beings have been a pain in our collective arse for too long! (Yes, Regraded Beings DO have a collective arse…)
Hi Simi Valley, I could read DB’s amazing strip today after I enlarged it,but my brain went in to the Scientology,word clearing deep freeze & refused to interpret the “stupendous case gain & out of this world wins I got the minute I glanced at the glossy paged dictionary”I am so floating I can’t imagine what being OT is like. Ron & now David,are such Big Beings they cast the darkest baddest infinite shadow over the whole Planet,which will be Clear any moment!Thank you Regraded Being for your talent,humor.skill & determination to keep us laughing,crying,& sharing the journey.Always Ann.
Thanks for that Dan. I couldn’t enlarge it. I’ve never been in the cult so at first I thought this was for real! I grew up in San Francisco and got accosted by them a few times. I even did one of their ‘personality tests’ and when they told me that my life could be perfect and free of suffering, I argued with them that I didn’t mind suffering and that I didn’t want a perfect life as without those things, my life is balanced and that I have a lot more gratitude when things go my way. We argued for a bit, then they showed me the door. They seemed a bit angry/flustered at me for not believing them.
Thank you Dan, I still couldn’t see it when I clicked 🙂
Regraded Being this one is amazing. I love the Determinism=Net Worth=Donations made.
The first three panels reminded me of the day I was in old town Pasadena and Anonymous was protesting the Ideal Org on Colorado Blvd. I was at a cross walk and there was a mother and son, who looked about 11. The boy was looking at a banner that a protester was holding and loudly asked, What’s that? Then he goes, Oh, it’s Scientology – I hate Scientology! His mom shushed him and cringed a little that her son was so vocal.
I want to give an extra thanks to RB. And tell him that reading his comic is a family event. I read it out loud to both my mom and dad! So reading it will have to wait until we’re all ready. RB brings us closer together! THNKS and thanks mike for give them there own category.
I am a never in, so I do not have a grasp of the levels and what one gains from it and what is needed (besides money) to achieve them. It does seem to me, however, that Scientology is deliberately moving the goal line once members achieve the next status. It reminds me of Lucy holding the football. Charlie Brown hopes against hope that he is going to finally kick the ball, but alas…
The levels and what one gains? You haven’t been paying attention. It’s simple. $10,000 earns you the right to call yourself a Scientologist – which is a PRIVILEGE you need to EARN (with a platinum Amex card). $100,000 and you become Superman/woman. $1,000,000 and you are bestowed the honour of DM butt-kisser prioritus. $10,000,000 or more and you are Tom Cruise. Go back to beginning and repeat.
LoriS. Yep. You pretty much got it.
The only difference is that Charlie Brown would have paid for the priviledge of being tricked…then would still come back for more.
I’ll bet you if you were to gloss that promo piece up a bit and make it look a teeny bit more professional, you could send that flyer out to a list of on-lines Scientologists and they’d eat up. It would probably increase enrollments.
“Wow! Just LOOK at what COB has done for us. Isn’t he wonderful to define the words EXACTLY as he wants us to understand them so that we are ALWAYS living and learning in his image? Thank you, COB!!!!!!”
Note: Not thanking Ron for anything. He must be part of the “old”, “Historical” tech that needed to be fixed.
Indie8million – I could not reply in the thread where you linked to it – but that Spanky and Our Gang video – priceless! That’s just gone into my top ten pop videos of all time. I am getting to know “The” RB – I am just “a” regraded being, but I’d like to get to know you, too!
I also want to start a new Spanky and Our Gang Fan Club and get to know them, too! Would you like to be the Chairman of the Board for the Club? I can be the Deputy Inspector General for Pop Tunes… what do you say?
To make it easier for us to comment on, the Student Hat Flier transcribed:
ENTER A BRAVE NEW WORLD OF TOTAL KNOWLEDGE AND UNDERSTANDING!!!
LEARN ANYTHING WITH TOTAL CERTAINTY ENABLING YOU TO DISPLAY A HIGH DEGREE OF ARROGANT CERTAINTY ON ANY SUBJECT!!!
• More than 500 glossy photographs provide a full conceptual understanding of the technology at a glance!!
• Slang words and colloquial phrases are defined with the exact meaning COB has decreed to be in the context intended by Ron!!!
This is the Dictionary all Scientologists have dreamed of!!! This is a breakthrough that guarantees lightning-speed study, gives you a vocabulary that will amaze your friends and associates and, most important, ensures full conceptual understanding of COB’s Golden age of Tech II, Study Technology!!!
Accelerate you progress up the bridge by eradicating all misunderstood words!!! Students have attested to constant stable case gain achieved daily through the use of the GAT II Student Hat DictionaryIIIIIII
See an example of a word properly defined below. Research has shown that Psychs have rigged the worlds languages to keep people under their hypnotic control. This dictionary will ensure your spiritual freedom and rocket your progress up the bridge!!!!
SELF DETERMINISM
Self Determinism is a measurable condition of survival representing the degree of alignment of a person’s ideas and actions to Church Policy and/or COB Command Intention. There are various statistical measures that can be used to measure a persons self determinism such as their advancement on the grade chart. The IDEAL indicator of a person’s self determinism is their location on the Ideal Org and IAS Status Charts as it relates to their net worth. Donations/Net Worth=Determinism
The Determinism Scale:
Psych Determined— A person who’s donations are lessthan 50% of total net worth. Thetan is still under hypnotic command of radio, television and internet waves. The thetan may be struggling to achieve basic things such as awareness of self but is easily thrown into hypnotic state by outside sensation!!!
Other Determined— Person has only donated 50% to 100% of total net worth. Thetan has awareness of other dynamics but operates mainly on 1st and 2nd dynamics. Often attempts to rise above it and do something about it but still holds on to WOG values such as friends and family which prevent stable case gain!!!
Self Determined— Person has donated over 100% of total net worth. The Self Determined Being has broken away from all psych control mechanisms and is constantly winning. Maintains high ARC with Scientologists in good standing and confronts fundraising events with exhilaration!!! II There are 8 levels of Self Determinism beginning with Planetary Clearing Contributor and reaching the ultimate state of Big Being. There are presently (at time of printing) 29 Big Beings on this planet. It takes 300 Big Beings to clear a planet!!!
To see charts and examples of how a full conceptual understanding of the The Determinism Scale increases your survival potential and why this scale is senior to all other Historical Scientology Scales and why it will take only 300 Big Beings to clear a planet, visit your Bookstore Officer now and get your copy of the GAT ll Student Hat Dictionary!!! II
The hilarious explanations of the dictionary’s properties (different coloured fonts, glossy paper, etc.) capture my thoughts about the new materials perfectly.
Amusing that the person who wrote the promo is apparently unaware of the connotations of a ‘Brave New World’. In Huxley’s novel about a dystopian state, several themes in particular spring to mind:
Discouragement of critical thinking, discouragement of individual action and initiative and phony religious services.
This is what happens when members of a cult are discouraged from reading anything outside the approved list of materials.
Or perhaps it was written by a subversive attempting to covertly educate the few remaining ‘faithful’?
“O wonder!
How many goodly creatures are there here!
How beauteous mankind is! O brave new world
That has such people in’t!”
William Shakespeare
It is how Scientologists view themselves.
Axiom 142, it is a fake promo fully intended to parallel Scientology to Mr. Huxley’s novel.
deElizabethan says
The coolest dollar sign symbol $ really represents what they stand for.
Roger Yost says
Mike,
I love Fridays & Regraded Being. I ran across the funniest DM satire video today and thought you’d enjoy it.
http://youtu.be/BXXu-DEkZ-U
Wayne Borean aka The Mad Hatter says
Amazing. Just amazing.
I Yawnalot says
RB – you’re spot on the money once again. Very good!
It also reminded me of those Reader Digest scams where they make you believe you’ve practically won already and all you have to do is place the pretty stickers in the right place and “shasam” you’re off to Vegas in style!
Ah… the lower depths of stupidity the human mind can get down to is no better exampled than in the devotees of COB. The ability to believe the dreams of ‘delusions of grandeur’ is what sets the scientologist apart from any intelligent human being.
Valerie says
Shiny and glossy in the same fake dictionary — pictures too? Oh my, I may have to “recover” myself. ROTFL.
Delilah says
This is such a perfect piece of satire that it gives me goosebumps.
RB you are brilliant, thank you for making the absurd reality of Co$ so amazingly clear and amusing!
Mike, thank you for everything you do!
Just gotta say it…I detest this vile pseudo-religious, money grubbing cult…
RolandRB says
These OT are At Cause over MEST. The way to prove it is to put Ideal Orgs out there. Ideal Orgs are made of matter, they have huge electricity costs and fuel costs for heating which is the energy part, they are huge and empty and that is the space part, and they have been that way for a long time. So for them to prove they are OT then all they have to do is to max out their credit and put that money down on the Ideal Org programme.
Aquamarine says
And yet, RolandRB, this all makes perfect sense to them. This all makes sense to seemingly otherwise intelligent, sensible people.
Expansion Of Square Footage/ Buildings Delivering Scientology = Expansion of Scientology.
Now, if you asked ANY of them if expansion of square footage ALONE of the spaces utilized by THEM to house THEIR businesses and/or the companies for which THEY work would automatically equate those companies’ expansion, they would look at you like you’re crazy and say, “Of course not!” (And, this, btw, I know, because I have asked.)
YET, they believe that a bigger SCIENTOLOGY BUILDING somehow, someway means a bigger Scientology organization.
If its a wog business, there’s NO identification between a building and an organization. “Building” and “Organization” are quite distinctly different.
However, regarding anything owned or operated by Scientology, a BUILDING IS an ORANIZATION. They are the SAME. Therefore, the larger the building, the bigger the organization!
YES! if its ANYTHING Scientological, somehow, SOMEWAY, the organization automatically expands when the building and property square footage increase.
BUT this ONLY works for Scientology!
You and I will never automatically expand our businesses by increasing the square footage we use to house our businesses.
But Scientology CAN!
My head is spinning just from writing this but to these Still Ins, somehow, it all makes sense!
Now, its obvious to me that there is something seriously wrong with them, mentally.
I just wish I could figure out what it is. Honestly, I’m not being funny. I really want to understand them, and I’m not going to give up until I really get it. Then I’ll move on.
indie8million says
What you’re saying reminds me of this, Aquamarine. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqxkdV3Odj0
RolandRB says
I think the large and beautiful buildings approach is a valid one. They would like to think they are as important as the Mormons and for this to be believed then they have to rival the Mormons in the quantity and quality of their real estate. For a Church that has been around for 60 years then they should be expected to have many fine buildings. Plus it gives them something to sell if they get hit hard in the courts. These buildings add to their credibility both inside and outside the Church and it keeps the donations rolling in.
racingintheblood39 says
Aquamarine, here’s a suggestion:
1) Just back off 3 feet.
2) Give your eyes a chance to refocus.
3) Now have another look, at what you’re looking “at”.
4) Decide thereby, whether you can see a being who IS genuinely SELF -determined!
or IS other-determined! (Mind Controlled) ie; hypnotized, implanted, en-cult-ified, etc.
5) Now quit doubting what it IS that you’re actually at.
6) Relax, you have now seen for yourself, what is there!
7) That’s it! End of process!
8) Hope it helped 🙂
Roger Hornaday says
Were I speaking to Mr. Mark Kool Aid, I’d say, “Mark, I will listen to anything you have to say but first let me state there is no CLEAR, there is no OT and scientology is NOT clearing any planet. Okay, I’m done, you have the floor.”
Toot TO OT says
I.A.S. Irrational Association of Scientologists.
Steph says
I can’t stop laughing at “Patron Victimorious” !
Regraded Being, you are awesome. Keep ’em coming!
Aquamarine says
Regraded, this latest gem of yours hit me where I live.
I know 4 Still-Ins who are redoing Purif, Objectives and Student Hat. They are smart, successful people who live well and make good money, with their own businesses. I know for a fact that they know how to spot and correct outpoints. I’m also certain that if for some reason they delivered and out-tech product/service they would deliver it again and not charge for the redo.
Yet they apparently observe nothing outpointy about their being told redo and pay full price for courses and auditing actions previously paid for and done.
The concept of RTC being RESPONSIBLE for the delivery of in-tech Scientology seemingly escapes these otherwise astute, ethical, successful business people!
It blows my mind.
Aquamarine says
Sorry, I need to get this ALL out my system 🙂
These afore-mentioned Still-In acquaintances would insist on free replacement of any defective merchandise purchased they purchased. If services were delivered in a substandard way to them they would expect the service redone at no charge or at least with some sort of discount. I know they care for their customers and operate their own businesses on the principle of fair and honest exchange
Yet, at the same time, its OK with them, or possibly they don’t see, or won’t see, that the Church of Scientology sold them courses and auditing actions which the Church assured them back then were FULLY in tech, which they are NOW saying were NOT fully in tech and as such need to be redone AND repaid for IN FULL.
Somehow these otherwise bright, decent, observant, caring, successful people who seem to have no trouble applying common sense to the rest of their lives, see nothing odd, nothing wrong, in this.
I don’t get it.
I DO NOT GET IT! (Aquamarine emitting silent soul scream).
Ann B Watson says
Hi Aquamarine, Really good posts! Silent soul scream with you! It is truly astounding how cos SO OSA David Ron screwed with us all.And still those in will not see or hear.Always Ann.
Newcomer says
Amazon does not do Sec Checks or shunning when you return merchandise and or ask for a refund! Nor does any other entitiy except in the land of the Cult Worshipers.
DollarMorgue says
Perhaps they, like I once did, think, “Oh well, the Church needs every dollar it can get.”
RolandRB says
They were fully in-tech when they were delivered. But as time moves on, standards must get higher and become more fully in-tech than they were before to keep up with the times. These customers got the very best in the past but advances have been made to the extent where it is now realise that what was delivered before was a sack of shit and needs to be done all over again. Think of it like desktop PCs.
indie8million says
Screaming right there with you, Aquamarine. Doing a facepalm so hard I hurt my head.
Scientology and COB are so perfect, in their minds, that they don’t even think that there could possibly be anything wrong. Like the Pied Piper’s rats jumping off the cliff.
Sort of like sheeple and the government. “Our government wouldn’t do that to us.”
Hurts the heart that nothing you can say will do anything but make them defend it more adamantly.
hgc10 says
This is because (I guess) they fail to grasp that Scientology is a business. They think they are participating in religious rituals, instead of buying a product/service. Hubbard’s Big Lie, that his scam is a religion, just keeps on chugging along.
Pepper says
Yes, it’s very interesting how religion enters in here, ‘practicing a religion’ instead of buying goods/services, when purchasing goods and services is exactly what they are doing over and over again. This makes a business enterprise.
I was looking over the last promotion sent out by every single org and now they are promoting ‘life improvement’ courses. Things like How to Improve Your Marriage, which is ironic. No mention of SRD or Purif at all. It made me think how they could start promoting the church as a self-improvement center and not a religion. They actually might do better that way. Then I realized that I was engaging in some sort of rational thinking, so that would never apply. The CoS will never change course.
Newcomer says
I take issue with the Cult being a business. It does not behave like one. It behaves like an organized crime syndicate at best. I expect the International ASSociation of Scamologists to get a Nigerian address soon but hope for Nigerias sake they don’t.
Brian says
I found an older copy of my tech dictionary. I thought I’d share:
Sympathy- noun, an emotion that little wimpy weak thetans have that puts them at effect of other’s overt motivator.
Open Minded- noun, a mental aberration that has its basic basic from an incident that happened 789,456,444,000,125 years ago called the “Free Thinking Clam Creeper Incident.” This incident causes the PC or Pre Ot to become obsessed with thinking freely.
Love and Understanding- noun, a Marcab control conspiracy that weakens a thetan’s ability to do whatever they want at the expense of others. This conspiracy is particularly insidious when trying to ruin others for the greatest good.
Compassion- see Sympathy
Love- see Love and Understanding
Feeling Unity With All Life- noun, a squirrel other practice that prevents the Scientologist from harming others for the greatest good. This term represents the most dangerous form of philosophy that makes Big Beings into theedy weedy little tiny beings.
Reasonable- noun, using clear thinking to scrutinize the claims of L Ron Hubbard. This evil has been associated with the “Who The Fuck Do You Think You Are With All That Free Thinking Shit” incident.
Ron has mapped out the route for us to avoid this trap of using reason. Ron went through this implant and broke all of his fingers. Actuall his fingers shrunk and then got broken. Thank you Ron for doing the work.
Family-noun, a particularly painful implant making the PC or Pre OT feel that family bonding is more important than taking over the planet.
OT-noun, the state of delusional cause.
Conscience-noun, the greatest enemy of Scientology, L Ron Hubbard and David Miscavige
Tony Dephillips says
300 Big Beings!! I knew it!!!
Espiando says
If the Big Beans are 300, that makes the Toxic Dwarf Leonidas, only with less “This is Sparta!”
Also, it means that they all get massacred in the end. I have no problem with that.
Marie guerin says
” Don’t bother me with your silly – I know the tech trick-”
That one cracked me up.
grandeclectus says
When you’re recovered from this and ready for some more hilarity, check out JohnAlexWood on Twitter.
Last night he began threatening an Australian lawyer with police action due to his “inciting religious hatred”. The heinous crime: making fun of Scientology.
Comedy ensued from all sides, with great answers to Wood’s insane rant.
Evidently “inciting religious hatred is a crime” is the new “bigot, bigot, bigot!”
I know this because actress/Jive Aces singer Rebecca Grant herself deigned to tweet those exact words to me last week after I sent her a link to Carmen Llewelyn’s article and made fun of the Jive Aces. Goodness, I should get 20 to life!
Apart from the obvious laughs, this gives me some insight into how they work: they think they have a humdinger of a line that will silence the critics and J&Ders.
They also have NO idea how police function, no connection to reality.
I believe, Scientologists aren’t really allowed to call the police. If they were to call the police over Twitter insults, they may even be fined for wasting police time.
Cheers! Enjoy!
Espiando says
All that’s needed to do to shut John Alex Wood up is to respond to one of his tweets: “Eric Idle thinks you’re a twat.” If there’s anything he loves more than Scientology, it’s Monty Python, and the fact that Idle told him to fuck off is a sore spot with him.
grandeclectus says
Cool! Eric also had some words with Kirstie.
Priceless moments!
I might use that, if I may.
Thanks!
Idle Morgue says
So funny RB. Love the determination scale.
May I add one more definition?
Pan Determined = (origin – Dianetics and L Ron Hubbard’s con religion scam)
The Being lives inside the Scientological Bubble and only creates a reality that protects the bubble.
The Being does whatever COB asks of them with no questions or doubts. The Being will attack anyone who disagrees or doubts. The Being will write KR’s on anyone including himself if there is a negative word whispered on Scientology, COB and LRH.
The Being will work, work and work to give all money and mest to Scientology. The Being typically will not have a family that would distract him/her from working for Scientology.
The Being will totally SELF-ABASE if Scientology does not work.
Willing to die for COB’s Cause.
Will give up all MEST and family to save COB.
Believes everything that comes from COB.
Won’t allow one ounce of “entheta” (truth about COB, Scientology and L Ron Hubbard) to enter the bubble.
Willing to be regraded lifetime after lifetime and pay for it.
The Being is financially ruined and proud.
Doug Sprinkle says
Hilarious
Norm says
First time commenter daily never-in user. Just to confirm. The flier copy is a joke right? “Arrogant certainty” isn’t CoS’s own copy? And progress isn’t really measured in percent of net worth. I mean… yes, in fact that is what it ultimately comes down to and if not CoS copy this us hilarious spot on satire at its best. It’s just that so often actual CoS copy is un-satirable (?) for being so breathtakingly flagrantly absurd.
Brian says
It is a joke Norm. But your question illustrates something very revealing:
Absurdity is easily associated as standard Scientology.
Actually, this Regraded Being is less absurd than other Scientology doctrines that are real. So your question is reasonable.
Annette says
I too at first couldn’t tell if it was part of the joke or not. That is until I saw the subtle dollar sign on the logo bottom right. Also because some of the actual real fliers are just as absurd. I am practically addicted to watching/reading anything anti-cult, especially scientology. I’m amazed at how many people have gotten sucked into this one. Fascinating.
indie8million says
Annette – a lot of us got in pre-ridicuousness. The people in early Scientology really wanted to help and found interesting concepts to study and learn. Even today, that’s what attracts. It’s not all absurd…But corporate, suppressive Scilontology is.
Dan Locke says
One of the best of the best of the Regraded Beings comics.
RB – hope to get to know you one day. If you reach out to me I promise not to blow your cover.
I think that Regraded Beings are about eighteen to one over Big Beings in the human race (minimum ratio). Those arrogant, bossy Big Beings have been a pain in our collective arse for too long! (Yes, Regraded Beings DO have a collective arse…)
Regraded Being says
Check with Mike for for my email. I’d like to get to know you also.
cindy says
And I’d like to get to know regarded being too. Great posting today, RB. Thanks.
indie8million says
Couldn’t resist. Me too.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqxkdV3Odj0
scientology411 says
Great stuff Regraded Being!
Simi Valley says
I couldn’t read the stuff that the editor’s note said to enlarge, even after I enlarged it. Too many Oatee levels; my eyesight is all f’ed up.
Ann B Watson says
Hi Simi Valley, I could read DB’s amazing strip today after I enlarged it,but my brain went in to the Scientology,word clearing deep freeze & refused to interpret the “stupendous case gain & out of this world wins I got the minute I glanced at the glossy paged dictionary”I am so floating I can’t imagine what being OT is like. Ron & now David,are such Big Beings they cast the darkest baddest infinite shadow over the whole Planet,which will be Clear any moment!Thank you Regraded Being for your talent,humor.skill & determination to keep us laughing,crying,& sharing the journey.Always Ann.
Dan Locke says
The smaller, hard to read print in the photo of the Student Hat glossary in the flier:
A lot of really cool photographs to look at while you read the stuff on the pages
Different colored letters so it looks really professional
Very glossy paper used so it looks really expensive
Over 43000 wrongly defined words.
100% conceptual understanding ensured by pre-passed clay demo illustrations!
Really goad explanations of the pictures so you know what you’re looking at!
No stupid big word used so you won’t have to use a real dictionary!
Dan Locke says
* Really good explanations…
McCarran says
Thanks.
RB, that dictionary is hilarious.
You’ve got it down how the scientologist thinks. You could do a whole video on “Stupid Things Scientologists Think.”
Old Surfer Dude says
+ 1! However, everything that comes out of cult member’s mouths is stupid and idiotic…
Gtsix says
Have you seen these YouTube videos:
“Shit Scientologists say to Each Other”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNFMnieVEk4
“Shit Scientologists say to Normal People”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HkX_jzNBEaA
Annette says
Thanks for that Dan. I couldn’t enlarge it. I’ve never been in the cult so at first I thought this was for real! I grew up in San Francisco and got accosted by them a few times. I even did one of their ‘personality tests’ and when they told me that my life could be perfect and free of suffering, I argued with them that I didn’t mind suffering and that I didn’t want a perfect life as without those things, my life is balanced and that I have a lot more gratitude when things go my way. We argued for a bit, then they showed me the door. They seemed a bit angry/flustered at me for not believing them.
Pepper says
Thank you Dan, I still couldn’t see it when I clicked 🙂
Regraded Being this one is amazing. I love the Determinism=Net Worth=Donations made.
The first three panels reminded me of the day I was in old town Pasadena and Anonymous was protesting the Ideal Org on Colorado Blvd. I was at a cross walk and there was a mother and son, who looked about 11. The boy was looking at a banner that a protester was holding and loudly asked, What’s that? Then he goes, Oh, it’s Scientology – I hate Scientology! His mom shushed him and cringed a little that her son was so vocal.
indie8million says
Dan Locke – and NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO semi-colons used ANYWHERE so as not to confuse the poor reader!!!!!!!!!!!!
MostEthicalPimp says
I want to give an extra thanks to RB. And tell him that reading his comic is a family event. I read it out loud to both my mom and dad! So reading it will have to wait until we’re all ready. RB brings us closer together! THNKS and thanks mike for give them there own category.
Lori S says
I am a never in, so I do not have a grasp of the levels and what one gains from it and what is needed (besides money) to achieve them. It does seem to me, however, that Scientology is deliberately moving the goal line once members achieve the next status. It reminds me of Lucy holding the football. Charlie Brown hopes against hope that he is going to finally kick the ball, but alas…
Rick Mycroft says
You’re more aware of yourself than any time in the last trillion years when you’re flat on your back in the mud.
Martin Padfield says
The levels and what one gains? You haven’t been paying attention. It’s simple. $10,000 earns you the right to call yourself a Scientologist – which is a PRIVILEGE you need to EARN (with a platinum Amex card). $100,000 and you become Superman/woman. $1,000,000 and you are bestowed the honour of DM butt-kisser prioritus. $10,000,000 or more and you are Tom Cruise. Go back to beginning and repeat.
indie8million says
LoriS. Yep. You pretty much got it.
The only difference is that Charlie Brown would have paid for the priviledge of being tricked…then would still come back for more.
Jose Chung says
It all about money and mind control.
Jolly West dreams come true.
indie8million says
Trivia: Jolly West ended his life overdosing on psych drugs. The irony.
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/OnCall/story?id=6801446
Dan Locke says
I’ll bet you if you were to gloss that promo piece up a bit and make it look a teeny bit more professional, you could send that flyer out to a list of on-lines Scientologists and they’d eat up. It would probably increase enrollments.
Roxy says
That’s exactly what I thought about it. 🙂
indie8million says
“Wow! Just LOOK at what COB has done for us. Isn’t he wonderful to define the words EXACTLY as he wants us to understand them so that we are ALWAYS living and learning in his image? Thank you, COB!!!!!!”
Note: Not thanking Ron for anything. He must be part of the “old”, “Historical” tech that needed to be fixed.
Dan Locke says
Indie8million – I could not reply in the thread where you linked to it – but that Spanky and Our Gang video – priceless! That’s just gone into my top ten pop videos of all time. I am getting to know “The” RB – I am just “a” regraded being, but I’d like to get to know you, too!
I also want to start a new Spanky and Our Gang Fan Club and get to know them, too! Would you like to be the Chairman of the Board for the Club? I can be the Deputy Inspector General for Pop Tunes… what do you say?
Dan Locke says
To make it easier for us to comment on, the Student Hat Flier transcribed:
ENTER A BRAVE NEW WORLD OF TOTAL KNOWLEDGE AND UNDERSTANDING!!!
LEARN ANYTHING WITH TOTAL CERTAINTY ENABLING YOU TO DISPLAY A HIGH DEGREE OF ARROGANT CERTAINTY ON ANY SUBJECT!!!
• More than 500 glossy photographs provide a full conceptual understanding of the technology at a glance!!
• Slang words and colloquial phrases are defined with the exact meaning COB has decreed to be in the context intended by Ron!!!
This is the Dictionary all Scientologists have dreamed of!!! This is a breakthrough that guarantees lightning-speed study, gives you a vocabulary that will amaze your friends and associates and, most important, ensures full conceptual understanding of COB’s Golden age of Tech II, Study Technology!!!
Accelerate you progress up the bridge by eradicating all misunderstood words!!! Students have attested to constant stable case gain achieved daily through the use of the GAT II Student Hat DictionaryIIIIIII
See an example of a word properly defined below. Research has shown that Psychs have rigged the worlds languages to keep people under their hypnotic control. This dictionary will ensure your spiritual freedom and rocket your progress up the bridge!!!!
SELF DETERMINISM
Self Determinism is a measurable condition of survival representing the degree of alignment of a person’s ideas and actions to Church Policy and/or COB Command Intention. There are various statistical measures that can be used to measure a persons self determinism such as their advancement on the grade chart. The IDEAL indicator of a person’s self determinism is their location on the Ideal Org and IAS Status Charts as it relates to their net worth. Donations/Net Worth=Determinism
The Determinism Scale:
Psych Determined— A person who’s donations are lessthan 50% of total net worth. Thetan is still under hypnotic command of radio, television and internet waves. The thetan may be struggling to achieve basic things such as awareness of self but is easily thrown into hypnotic state by outside sensation!!!
Other Determined— Person has only donated 50% to 100% of total net worth. Thetan has awareness of other dynamics but operates mainly on 1st and 2nd dynamics. Often attempts to rise above it and do something about it but still holds on to WOG values such as friends and family which prevent stable case gain!!!
Self Determined— Person has donated over 100% of total net worth. The Self Determined Being has broken away from all psych control mechanisms and is constantly winning. Maintains high ARC with Scientologists in good standing and confronts fundraising events with exhilaration!!! II There are 8 levels of Self Determinism beginning with Planetary Clearing Contributor and reaching the ultimate state of Big Being. There are presently (at time of printing) 29 Big Beings on this planet. It takes 300 Big Beings to clear a planet!!!
To see charts and examples of how a full conceptual understanding of the The Determinism Scale increases your survival potential and why this scale is senior to all other Historical Scientology Scales and why it will take only 300 Big Beings to clear a planet, visit your Bookstore Officer now and get your copy of the GAT ll Student Hat Dictionary!!! II
DollarMorgue says
Brilliant!
The hilarious explanations of the dictionary’s properties (different coloured fonts, glossy paper, etc.) capture my thoughts about the new materials perfectly.
Gimpy says
Nice!
I particularly like the reference to ‘Brave New World’ in the dictionary promo.
Old Surfer Dude says
‘…Brave New World…’ Very apt! However, I would add ‘Brave New World of Total Insanity.’
Axiom142 says
Amusing that the person who wrote the promo is apparently unaware of the connotations of a ‘Brave New World’. In Huxley’s novel about a dystopian state, several themes in particular spring to mind:
Discouragement of critical thinking, discouragement of individual action and initiative and phony religious services.
This is what happens when members of a cult are discouraged from reading anything outside the approved list of materials.
Or perhaps it was written by a subversive attempting to covertly educate the few remaining ‘faithful’?
Regraded Being says
“O wonder!
How many goodly creatures are there here!
How beauteous mankind is! O brave new world
That has such people in’t!”
William Shakespeare
It is how Scientologists view themselves.
Axiom 142, it is a fake promo fully intended to parallel Scientology to Mr. Huxley’s novel.