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Thursday Funnies

March 2, 2023 By Mike Rinder 35 Comments

 

The significance of the sword?

Who knows.

Though clearly this event is not important, it’s only a “special management speaker” to be named later and something “you won’t want to miss.”  No “mandatory attendance”

 

Now they’re “Clearing” Chicago

Wonder what happened to opening the “ideal” org?

 

10 people is all they’ve got?

 

How lame

It’s the current version of “Do it for Ron” — shaming people into completing services as a “birthday gift” — “you don’t want to give a gift to

 

Another “monumental” COB Briefing

They don’t even have a BUILDING for the org in Australia’s capital.

Last week it was all about Africa? I guess anything the COB says is amazing and we should be thankful he took the time to make it possible for us to listen to his infinite words of wisdom….

 

Who needs auditing…

When you can just run in circles and everything in your life will be solved.

 

OMG did she say that?

She refers to History of Man… We’ve ALL been clams and things.

 

Legendary OT Committe (sic) member…

Why does someone like this join up? Surely she knows better? She will be gone within 3 months.

 

We are the only ones…

Just wait til he finds out that the people with the ONLY tech to stop wars can’t make enough money to pay him…

But he is convinced they are “gaining ground…”

 

The NOI is coming to Chicago org…

 

Raw. Unplugged. Unhinged.

 

Come to give blood…

And then give money to the regges

 

No face?

 

Nothing says expansion like…

A shot of the tiny, empty pool on the empty Freewinds

 

Kiddie Corner

 

Oh no…

They are coming out with new children’s courses???

 

Good luck with this…

For someone who claims to have good PR and communication skills, I can’t say I would find this pitch very enticing. She seems awfully needy and demanding.

 

You do know Ron is dead and long gone?

And if you REALLY wanted to “help Ron” there is more you can do than join staff in a Class V org.

Join the Sea Org!

 

Fran Andrews of CCHR fame

Trying to ern a few dollars getting people onto service at AOLA.

I guess the pay at CCHR isn’t good? But then again, her husband, notorious scientology PI Russ Andrews should be bringing home the bacon? What’s going on here?

 

Introducing…

Why isn’t this guy sent to open an org in India?

They don’t have ANY Clears being made in the most populous country on earth…

 

Signing them up for Chicago at Flag…

 

Get on the guest list…

Why? It says anyone came attend?

 

Still trying in Vancouver after 20 years….

 

The Boy Scouts and scientology…

A match not made in heaven.

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Filed Under: Funnies Tagged With: Alicia Knight, Andrea D'Agostini, Angela Joseph, Anita Liza, Arvind Chaurasia, Boy Scouts, Connie Zimmer, Debbie Celender, Dianne Stojak, Fran Andrews, Fred Francisco, Gillian Muhammad, Jack Murphy, Manuel Suarez, Megan Kurt, Mike Sola, Pam McKinnis, Pat Stojak, Rob Walker, Russ Andrews, Svetlana Pryamkova, Taylor Meskimen, Vivian Gray

Comments

  1. Aquamarine says

    March 6, 2023 at 10:25 pm

    The little Stojak daughter (or grandaughter) doesn’t look happy.

    Pat and Diane look pleased as punch about their new Humanitarian status.

    The little girl doesn’t.

    “Uh oh. So much for a college education for me THIS lifetime. Guess I’m gonna get dumped in the Sea Org. Oh, well. Better make the most of the next 6 years”.

    Reply
  2. Jacqui Cornell says

    March 3, 2023 at 2:08 pm

    You guys have to go to Andrew Gold’s YouTube Channel and watch the interview he did with a current Scientologist. It’s Bananas!!!!

    Reply
  3. Jane Standen Bolton says

    March 3, 2023 at 9:22 am

    I am assuming raw and unplugged doesn’t refer to Mr Mickiewitz’s hair, ‘cause there’s not a cat in hell’s chance that bouffant isn’t at least 50% hair plugs transplanted from who knows where at this point…

    Reply
  4. Phillip says

    March 3, 2023 at 12:39 am

    No matter how full of hooey all of these briefings, updates, Road Shows, etc are, I’ve got to say they did do at least one thing right this week.

    They hooked up with the self righteous Artists For A Better World instead of
    Artists Against a Better World
    Artists For Cannibalism
    Artists For Nuclear War
    Artists For The Legalization of Human Trafficking
    Lawyers For Leprosy
    Mothers For Drunk Driving
    or any other badly named organization.

    So “well done” Tampa $ci.

    Reply
  5. Kimo says

    March 2, 2023 at 8:16 pm

    Those of you who have been in, do you feel like an idiot walking around in those stupid bellhop uniforms with the piping and different-colored tie knot?

    I would feel INCREDIBLY self-conscious in one of those uniforms. They make me cringe every time I see one

    Reply
  6. Aquamarine says

    March 2, 2023 at 6:41 pm

    “…Epic…Unprecedented…Historic…Monumental…”

    The cult has ruined these adjectives for me forever. Perfectly good descriptive words and yet whenever I read them I get the urge to take a heavy, black magic marker and blot them out.

    Reply
  7. GL says

    March 2, 2023 at 6:16 pm

    As I work my way through this weeks pile of steaming cow poo from $tinksalotology I have The War of the Worlds – Jeff Wayne’s Musical Version playing in the background. Jeez, it’s hard to believe that I first purchased and listened to it in 1978, and it’s still just as good now as it was then.

    Megan Kurt is hilarious, she has a “massive social media following…” . She sure does, all of 93 followers on twitter and you can bet they are all $camatology sheep. What’s the bet that her farcebook followers is around the same amount as twitter. IQ of 134…dream on, she writes like a 14 year old. Starting wage, preferably not in an office but will consider it if she can get more than the starting base of around $1,500 a week she wants. Will only consider management or executive postion. Wow! Talk about tickets on herself!

    She’s also a rabid right wing nutjob and adores Trump.

    Kiddy corners: seriously creepy as usual.

    Fartists…I mean Artists for a Better World: That painful eyesore of a poster looks like it was created by someone on wackius weedus.

    As for the rest: Just the usual assortment of utter crap.

    Reply
  8. Yawn says

    March 2, 2023 at 1:49 pm

    I’m delusionally all used up scanning through the funnies this week. Wish they’d all get a life or move on to tgt 2. In the 40 odd and I really mean “odd’ years Scientology has been floating around in my attention, literally nothing has changed with them. Same ol, same ol delusions with no results repeating themselves over and over.
    Groundhog Religion!

    Reply
    • Aquamarine says

      March 2, 2023 at 7:13 pm

      @Yawn,

      Right after reading your comment a thought popped into my mind: “Delusions are all they have.”

      Possibly Still Ins, some of them, have no bright spots in their lives except Dave’s lies and empty promises fueling their own trusting, patient, (ever so patient!) longstanding hopes.

      Possibly the concept that expansion of Scientology is actually occurring with LRH’s dream of planetary clearing being realized in their lifetimes, bringing with it the knowledge that they contributed substantially, and withal the wonderful feeling this accomplishment gives them, or will give them, IS what is keeping them going – period.

      Just a theory. Not applicable to all of them, certainly, but for some, it could be.

      Reply
      • Yawn says

        March 3, 2023 at 12:14 pm

        Oh boy Aqua… it’s more than a theory of which you speak, your use of the word ‘possibly’ doesn’t fit, that 2nd last paragraph says it as it is.
        It’s a harsh reality alright, time alone proves that out. Delusions are, I’m sure, the products of lies and deceit. Plus, they pack a hell of a whallop when they are realized exactly for what they are. I don’t know what term applies, I really don’t, but it’s like when the innocence of a child is betrayed who hasn’t yet learnt to suppress the emotional upset of it or come to accept, often by force, the guidance of others as their solution for their upset. Gaslighting is great term & consequence for that. I guess that’s what Hubbard referred to as “home universe.” It’s a pure type of thing, but somewhat easily dented, fragile, innocent.
        I was so glad but also emotionally arrested for awhile after Mike put that Aaron interview by Lex Fridman to look at. I ended up watching it twice. Lex has an uncanny ability to observe the good in humanity for what it is, the underlying desire to be free with your own “desire creating machine” left intact while pursuing your dreams into the unknown (aka fun/adventure).
        Some of us have known and have dwelled for a long, long time with the betrayal of Scientology. We gave it our all. It was refreshing to see a non Scientologist ask questions of it in such a way. To me, it peeled away many of the lies and highlighted the many delusions employed within the many mechanisms used to fool us.
        Looking at those flyers, well… the experienced have learnt to see them as the trap they are, but even they, imo, wish they were actually true, which of course with Scientology they are not.
        John Lennon’s song, ‘Imagine’ comes to mind.

        Reply
        • Aquamarine says

          March 3, 2023 at 11:21 pm

          Totally understood, Yawn. But please, don’t EVER get down on yourself for being someone who really wanted to help and make a better world. That you were conned, that your intentions and efforts came to naught is not YOUR shame. The shame is THEIRS. To abuse and exploit the most innocent and noble of human motives in that manner, well, there is nothing lower, in my opinion, nothing more despicable than that. You wanted to help; that’s WONDERFUL. That’s the best part of you. Couple that with the fact that you were able to FACE the truth; that it wasn’t working, that you had been lied to, conned, used…you faced it, you handled it. That took COURAGE. Seriously! You know, the Still Ins who still drinking the Koolaid are good people too, who want to help. I mean, that’s obvious. However I suspect that a portion of them have LONG known that their dream is dead, that it died years ago, They simply can’t face it! So they pretend, delude themselves, allow themselves to be further conned and scammed. This is not helping! They mean well, I suppose, but This is cowardice. Nice people, good people; I’m not saying they’re not very decent people. But they can’t confront what they know to be the truth. Sad for them. But you had truly helpful purposes and actions AND eventually the courage to face the truth when it stared you in the face! Give yourself credit, Yawn. A LOT of credit. Certainly, all of us here do! Certainly, I do.

          Reply
          • Yawn says

            March 4, 2023 at 9:43 pm

            You’re a good soul Aqua.

            Reply
  9. Ruth says

    March 2, 2023 at 1:20 pm

    Everyone has a sore spot with the above, my personal sore spot is getting berated for decades about having 3 piercings in my ears and tattoos. I am (wearing my implants commands), was what I was told, in a meaner way than that.
    And desperate for anyone, suddenly posters of Staff with piercings and such. I was such a DB for it, but hey it’s all good now? Pisses me off, sorry.

    Reply
  10. Andrue says

    March 2, 2023 at 12:51 pm

    Sword–> subliminal cross.

    Reply
  11. Alcoboy says

    March 2, 2023 at 12:22 pm

    MIDTOWN GAZETTE
    2 MARCH 2023

    LOCAL SCIENTOLOGIST RELEASED FROM JAIL

    Prominent local Scientologist Shananay Muhammad was released from Midtown City Jail this morning after a five year sentence on charges of kidnapping and extortion.
    Her bail was paid by the Most Reverend Louis Farrakhan of the Nation of Islam of which Muhammad is a member. Muhammad is also a member of the local Church of Scientology and holds the rank of midshipman in the religion’s illustrious Sea Organization.
    Responding to questions, Reverend Farrakhan said that he had hoped that David Miscavige, leader of the Church of Scientology, would provide the funds for bail but due to his seeking to avoid process servers the Nation of Islam paid the bail instead.
    When asked how it felt to be free on bail, Miss Muhammad said “Awesome! Now I can settle some scores with those SPs Aquamarine and Alcoboy as well as with Bob and Mary! How dare they dump all those boats in our org parking lot!”
    Bob and Mary Wilson, former local Scientologists who are waging a campaign against the religion, requested police protection as they say that with Miss Muhammad out on bail they could be subject to what they call “Fair Game”.
    Calls to the Midtown Church of Scientology went unreturned.

    Reply
    • Musky Narmanousay says

      March 2, 2023 at 4:29 pm

      For those of you who may not know the truth about Shananay, if you recall the TV show, “Martin”, it gives a very clear picture of her background and the reasons why she got into such serious trouble.

      I would never make any unfounded accusations. So you will have to come to your own conclusions. But if you read about her role with the TV show, “Martin”, it will give you a great deal of background info on this lady and the reasons why she has gotten into so much trouble.

      Reply
      • Alcoboy says

        March 4, 2023 at 12:11 am

        How do you think she wound up in the Sea Org?

        Reply
    • Aquamarine says

      March 2, 2023 at 8:19 pm

      Allow me please to respond to this challenge forthwith:

      Yo Shananay,

      I hear you want to settle some scores with me.
      That’s fine.
      Just know this:
      I may not be packing a Model 29 Smith & Wesson aka .44 Magnum with possibly one bullet left.
      But I have Alcoboy.
      So you have to ask yourself a question:
      “Do I feel lucky?”
      Well, do ya punk?

      Much love,
      Aqua

      Much love,
      Aqua

      Reply
      • safetyguy says

        March 3, 2023 at 1:57 pm

        Ah, S&W Model 29. One of my favorites, yes it is. 4 inch barrel. “Go ahead, make my day!”

        Reply
        • Aquamarine says

          March 3, 2023 at 11:27 pm

          Right 🙂

          Reply
      • Alcoboy says

        March 4, 2023 at 12:17 am

        To: Aquamarine
        From: Midshipman Shananay Muhammad Nation of Islam/Sea Org.
        Re: feeling lucky.

        Go ahead, ho! Whip out your Smith and Wesson! Yo ass still getting Fair Gamed!

        ML,
        Midshipman Shananay Muhammad Nation of Islam/ Sea Org.

        To: Midshipman Shananay Muhammad Nation of Islam/ Sea Org.
        From: Alcoboy
        Re: threats against Aquamarine

        You so much as threaten Aquamarine in any way and those process servers hounding your Beloved COB will be stalking your lame ass as well! And if you call Aquamarine ‘ho’ one more time you will have me to deal with!
        I will send your ass back to jail!

        No love at all,
        Alcoboy.

        Reply
        • Aquamarine says

          March 6, 2023 at 1:57 pm

          @ Alcoboy – my hero 🙂 Its such a feeling of security to know that, at any time, on this blog, I can shoot off my mouth to anyone, in the most irresponsible manner, using whatever insulting language comes to mind, with absolutely no fear of the consequences! Thank you!

          Reply
          • Alcoboy says

            March 6, 2023 at 8:48 pm

            Let me know if Midshipman Shananay shows up on your doorstep. And do not address her as ‘sir’.

            Reply
            • Aquamarine says

              March 6, 2023 at 10:01 pm

              Believe me, I would let you know! Because if I ever encountered her I’d no doubt make her even angrier by asking her how the hell she took on the name “Shananay”. I mean, seriously?

              Reply
              • Aquamarine says

                March 6, 2023 at 10:12 pm

                PS: I get it with African American names. Many are kind of interesting and cute. Now, “Shanana” maybe because that’s been back up chorus lingo for some popular songs. But “ShanaNAY”? WTF?

  12. Miss Dutch says

    March 2, 2023 at 10:18 am

    Let’s see, the Boy Scout oath goes like this, “On my honor, I will do my best. To do my duty to God and my Country and to obey the Scout Law; To help other people at all times; To keep myself physically strong, mentally awake, and morally straight.” Only the first and the second 1/2 of the last sentence could be remotely spoken by a Scientologist. They don’t believe in God. They don’t believe in their country (or at least the laws of said country). They don’t believe in helping other people as it is “out exchange” unless it’s for a photo op. On the bright side, only one funny from Columbus. Yeah!

    Reply
  13. Mark says

    March 2, 2023 at 9:36 am

    Dave, “raw and plugged”.
    Yep, prepare to get fucked by the pimping pontiff of scienbollocky,
    tone-40-sans-lube-style. A to B, baby.
    Mind on his money, money on his mind.

    Reply
    • Angry Gay Pope says

      March 2, 2023 at 11:52 am

      He is also “keeping his show on the road” so the process servers cannot find him!

      Reply
      • Aquamarine says

        March 2, 2023 at 7:54 pm

        Yes, he’s certainly applying that policy.

        Reply
    • Alcoboy says

      March 4, 2023 at 2:58 pm

      Once again, Mark, you deliver.

      Reply
      • mark says

        March 8, 2023 at 4:49 am

        I try…😎

        Reply
    • Aquamarine says

      March 7, 2023 at 4:37 pm

      “COB Raw and unplogged”. (Sigh) I wasn’t invited to this epic event. Guess I’ll have to settle for listening to Tiny Fists as he usually is: cooked and plugged 🙂

      Reply
      • mark says

        March 8, 2023 at 4:49 am

        Ha!😂
        Or, to qoute the Stones: “shattered”.

        Reply
  14. otherles says

    March 2, 2023 at 9:12 am

    Instead of commenting on all of the nonsense I’m just going to post a link about a meme about Thursday.

    https://www.flickr.com/photos/72813079@N00/22694066934/in/dateposted-public/

    Reply
  15. Fred G. Haseney says

    March 2, 2023 at 8:42 am

    Re: Come to give blood… (in Columbus, Ohio)

    The advertisement reads:

    “Gift the Give of Life.”

    Huh? Is that a new surveyed button? Is that what happens when the org’s registrar goes for your jugular? Does your thought process become scrambled (“Gift… the… Give… of… Life”) as a reg/vampire has his/her way with you?

    Reply

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