What next, ideal teeth brushing? Ideal garbage collection? Ideal ideals?
Or maybe this is a pilot for a new rundown — a round of Texas Scramble apparently generates “spiritual satisfaction!!” Could this be the new “Cause Re-resurgence Rundown”? OT IX?
Duffers unite — you can now attain spiritual salvation for the small cost of a round of golf. And every par hole moves you a step closer to the top of the bridge (henceforth to be called the Spiritual Leaderboard).
Sydney aka xclassvstaff says
What an Ideal Blog you have, Mike. 🙂
Hey Mike, I’m sure your good friend Miscavige has computer access. How much time do you think he spends reading your blog? Hi Dave.
I must go down to see this St Hill is fairly local anyway
Suggested entrance fee £150? Does this mean you can pay more if you feel a “donation” coming on?
£150 for a bacon roll and a cup of tea DO ME FAVOUR
It “defies description” as my old mate Dudley says.
I would want at least a five course lunch and a bottle of wine, but then again this is an Ashmatic dwarf’s idea of fair play.
Does DM play golf and if so does he use a childs set of clubs?
I mean he can “TEE OFF” with the best of them, and his handicap is of course his height.
I think he probably can fit in a golf bag so maybe he will caddy for the mugs.
All I can say is “fore”,
J. Swift says
How ironic to call it “Texas Scramble” at the exact same time that Glorious Leader and his failed Squirrel Buster crew are getting scrambled in Texas.
I’m not a fan of scientology, but I don’t think we need to poke fun at every thing they ever do. When their fundraisers are often just briefings about upcoming briefings about fake stats about how many people can spell Hubbard on one street corner of Clearwater – and pay for the privilege – it’s somewhat mean-spirited to deny the brainwashed and bankrupted minions some much-needed fun activities to fundraise for their group, even if it is for an evil corporation like COS. For public and staff, it must be a welcome relief (if only for a day) from the pressure cooker of the orgs.
There are many religious golf fundraisers, just as there are bake sales and bingo nights and race nights and yard sales for youth clubs and homeless shelters and Sunday schools and churches.
I don’t think we should scoff too hard at people who, while led astray by a cruel con man, are still humans who naturally want to socialise and ‘do good’ and enjoy themselves in the process. It doesn’t paint ex-Scis and never-ins like myself as particularly gracious or welcoming for any of those thinking of leaving. Those people may remember pirate evenings as a great evening with their mates, and don’t need to be told they all look stupid. We all look stupid with a plastic parrot on our shoulder.
What makes you think it’s a fun activity?
Good point, but there must be at least *some* fun had at these gatherings or everyone would permanently be ‘away’ or ‘unavailable’.
Only the promise.
Strumpet, it is part of their religious policy that they DO NOT EVER engage in fundraising. This is the reason Every. Single. Fundraiser. Gets a spotlight shone on it. Months because it is silly. Most find raisers are. The fact they are doing it at all violates strict religious policy. That is why it is derided.
I think this is a fair point, strumpet, and a cautionary note worth heeding.
I also think, though, that we might be in error if we think of events like pirate nights and bingo games as being a blessed relief for the staffers who are tasked with organizing and running them (and maybe also with calling in people to drum up attendance) or for the public who are obliged to be seen having “fun” while under strong pressure to donate money. Testimony from formers staffers suggests that events are stressful, to say the least, for those involved. Perhaps people ARE having fun, but I can’t recall reading any personal accounts to that effect.
As to the golf thing in particular, maybe I’m misreading the promo, but this doesn’t sound like it is aimed at either poor staffers or run-of-the-mill public; it seems like another of the new kind of fundraising schemes that are aimed narrowly at members with lots of money. And I’m sure it’s true that such people will have more fun out on the links, and in the clubhouse afterward, than they would confined aboard the Freewinds with their passports locked in a safe. At least there will probably be booze somewhere.
I just don’t think it’s in the DNA of Dave Miscavige’s organization to encourage ordinary people to be happy.
Yours is a very interesting point of view. However, as OSA spy, harrass and obliterate orders are followed to the letter, it seems only fair of Mike to ask why church Finance policy is not implemented with equal ferocity. After all, fundraising is not only CONDEMNED in said policy, but FORBIDDEN.
Yes, those still enabling this sham may be hapless, good hearted souls. That does not excuse them from selectively ignoring policy they themselves claim is the only working and sane policy on the planet.
This golf course is within ten miles of Saint Hill. What an extremely tiny world it is for Scientologists in the UK.
Jethro Bodine says
There’s nothing more spiritual than hitting a hole-in-one with one arm while eating a bacon roll with the other. Seriously, I still can’t believe these kind of fund raisers like “ideal golf” are still going on. It actually seems like you can do anything you want, as long as you:
1) Put the word “Ideal” in front of
2) Raise money for the Cof$ or the IA$
I wouldn’t be surprised to soon hear of “Ideal Bowling for Dollars”, “Ideal Hot Dog Eating Contest”, “Ideal Beer Guzzling”, “Ideal Bikini Car Wash” and “Ideal Escort Service”. I can’t wait to see the honor status coming out of this.
Ideal Bowling for Dollars has already been done more than once by the Valley Org. Maybe the next big thing will be Ideal Pole Dancing and Lap Dancing. Hey if it brings in money, that’s all they care about. So what if the strippers were young girls in the underground slave trade, if it gets the product of money in Davie’s coffers, the end justifies the means (no pun intended.)
Will they be driving golf carts with cameras strapped to their heads?
Hallie Jane says
I wonder if they’re getting advice from PR or AD firms. I bet they are and are spending a bundle to replace the degradation and abuse, which is Scn’s reputation, to sweetness and light. They’re trying to position the various events with these normal, light, regular activities like a golf game or a fair, or bingo. I think it’s a coordinated, but lame effort to further mask the duplicity and keep a few gullible people .
Cooper J Kessel says
DM……. reminds him of how greasy He is.
Hilarious last line, Mike!
Tony DePhillips says
They should have Ideal “bowling” next. That would be the ultimate in slapping LRH’s face wouldn’t it??
He made such a big deal about deriding people who went bowling instead of salvaging mankind. Now they have people golfing which really is much more time consuming than bowling. I think they are sort of openly admitting that they are the squirrels. Not that I believe any of that crap anymore, in fact, even when I was in I never saw why going bowling was such a crime…bowling is pretty fun, can’t people have fun??
The Oracle says
I think the idea is to keep them busy. So they do not start to have conversations like the ones we have here.
The smartest thing about this promo is offering the bacon roll. Who doesn’t like bacon?
I guess that they don’t want NOI to show up.
Chris Mann says
Well, Id more likely get an FN playing golf than retreading my purif and objectives.
Cooper J Kessel says
It’s a lot cheaper thrill too!
Al Brown says
“Ideal garbage collection” was demonstrated by Miscavige and posted on this blog on December 18, 1012.
Wow, they’ve been collecting garbage for a thousand years. Lol
Really, it seems the COS will try anything to raise money EXCEPT Scientology.
Like KFC trying to expand by no longer offering chicken.
Mike Leopold says
Any takers on how long it will be before ALL of Scientology becomes a series of Bingo Parlors?
Mike, the local org in my area has already done bingo fund raisers, several times.
Hey I’ve been sayin’ for years that the Stuper Power building would make a great casino.
Move in a few slots, some card tables, craps and roulette then start comping these whales.
Maybe run a book on all the runners upstairs doing the running program on the top floor.
At least they’d be giving the public some kind of exchange.
Gerhard Waterkamp says
Texas scramble for COS fellows sounded first like trying to drive a curveball and being swatted down by Ray Jeffery, and scramble again.
Good thing they explained the rules.
Live Zombie says
Ya, like Golf is a real popular sport when you in the Cof$.
If one does play while going up the Bridge, they have bucks and the time to do both.
I can just see the EO from the Org out there playing even 9 holes that day. And if any Staff or non-whale person is even invited can you say FOUR?
God, what a joke.
Robert Almblad says
Just another desperate attempt to gather people (with money) together to scalp/fleece them. It’s so obvious. They wear their desperation on their sleeve.
Mike, why don’t you see if you can hookup DM with these guys. He’ll probably need a teddy bear when everyone leaves him. Besides, they’re already ideal.
Cooper J Kessel says
He will need a blow up doll. Nobody else is going to talk to him.
Yes Coop, but make sure the blow up doll looks like Tom Cruise.
When Dearest Leader is ruled that hhas to take the stand against Ray Jeffrey, THAT will be a Texas Scramble.
Or Texas Holdem.
Getting kinda jaded on all this Ideal Idiocy.
Some years back the Valley Porn Stars sponsored a Golf Tourney too and it seems they fell in a sand trap some where and still haven’t got the ball back on the green.
Is right 😉
Good Old Boy says
I met a sucker once at an IAS briefing at a local mission who had donated his house
emptied his saving account and maxed his credit cards and pulled together 500,000.00
for the betterment of the planet and gave it to the IAS. He sleeps in his car now and is
very happy getting slapped on the back for being such a big being.
He’s not on course or getting any auditing as he works 3 jobs daily just to keep up with
his interest payments. I’m sure he would love a sit down meal instead of dumpster diving.
And yes this is a true story.
It would seem that the IAS is the havingness rundown in reverse. Maybe being regged is the bankruptingness rundown?
In all seriousness though that’s absolutely horrible that they gleefully took his money like that. Completely depraved…
He pulled it in.
Idle Morgue says
If any of you went to the Fraud Scam Base to do the “havingness rundown” and thought this was about YOU HAVING more….you had an MU!! It is about Scientology getting everything YOU HAVE as you pay $40K to throw money around the room until you have a wognition. Spend $200 per night for at least 3 weeks where the vulture registrars can pick the meat off your bones until you are waxing enthusiasm about your cult and the “havingness rundown”!
OMG. What is his name?
Just days ago I posted at Tony’s that I didn’t think they golf. Its way too zen.
This is probably the first ever, and I think its a very good thing. I believe the peace, serenity, balance and harmony necessary for golf, in addition to the fresh air and beautiful environment, could actually re-wire some brains.
Could see some blow after a round. I’m serious.
BTW, a few years back I called the course at Gold to book a tournament. Hilarity ensued.
B.B. Broeker says
Ooh, do tell more about what happened when you tried to book the Gold course.
Let’s just say they seemed to be more suspicious than the usual golf course. Wonder if its still open. Probably hard to get a tee time with all the residents of Gold enjoying such a nice perk.
Kim Il-Sun made 11 hole in ones the very first time he played golf, so Scientology’s emphasis on golf is yet another example as to how it is similar to North Korea.
Beautiful countryside indeed. Kent; home to Hever Castle, Anne Bolyn’s pre-Henry digs. Just another way that this greedy cult uses beauty and theta and games for their own criminal purposes.
Bill Lumberg says
I believe TEXAS SCRAMBLE is actually the title of the Rathbun lawsuit.
Pfffft! Ideal fund raising!
I have found that, every once in a while, golf can be spiritually satisfying.
But it’s very very rare.
Mostly, it’s a very entheta activity that can drive you Type III.
Alanzo. Maybe it is the equivalent of Zen Golf.
I am the ball.
Fly a known path.
Bounce, and find your way to the Hole.
Just be one with the ball. It actually works.
Told you, they are running out of ways to get people in. If they promote courses or auditing that is a thing of the past and ‘has nothing to do with Black Heart”.
Give me the money even if you loose at the golf, or cricket, or singing, dancing and whatever else they may come up with.
Money, money honey…that is the ideal scene.
Annette Chaffee says
I worked for a sales company, they loved taking clients golfing. They had them isolated and could run their sales pitch the entire game. I would imagine that the organizers have much more in mind than a fun game in mind.
Just like regging, golf takes a lot of balls.
It’s the Golf Resurgence Rundown !
You got to admit though that this would be much less risky than the Cause Resurgence Rundown for the crowd of minutes-away-from-massive-heart-attack/stroke whales which are targeted for Stupor Power.
Maybe they run around the pole on every hole then cut a check to the Church for all that case gain!
Dave plans to institute the ‘Hole in One’ at the Int base.
Cooper J Kessel says
For DM it is ahole …..in one (short stubby body)
DMSTCC (@DMSTCC) says
$cientologists that even own a set of golf clubs/equipment have got to be out ethics, so there seems to be an omitted cost with regards to renting the necessary for play. Let me help them out with some “Ideal” pricing ideas…
Ideal club rental = £350
Ideal golf balls = £10/ball
Ideal golf glove = £50
Ideal golf shoes = £100
Ideal golf tees = £5
Ideal golf cart = £500
Chee Chalker says
Anyone remember the Schmenge Brothers (John Candy and Eugene Levy). Cabbage rolls and coffee….mmm mmm good!
Crikey….£150 for golf and a bacon roll….what a deal indeed!
Mike Rinder says
Well, it IS a fundraiser…. And don’t forget the great prizes. (I heard they were giving lecture series on cassette as the prizes)
Chee Chalker says
Cassettes? Why not telexes…..they are as modern as cassettes!
Seems like going up the bridge has been replaced with donating money to the various fundraising programs. I guess you get what you put your attention on.
Ideal DM terrycloth robes, now available at Walmart.
Rick Argall says
This blog gets funnier every day….maybe this is the real route to Spiritual Satisfaction.
Either way Mike, thank you for your blog. Laughter heals everything it seems.
DM as you’re reading this, take note.
Anything but a bake sale is OK, isn’t it?
Golf is already a good walk ruined, these schmoes just have to take it one step farther…
Damn Mike I’m a tennis player. Does that make me ineligible?
Mike Rinder says
Well MJ, good news for you. The original poster child for Super Power, Matt Feshbach, was also a tennis player. So, perhaps the Ideal Tennis Rundown is next.
Maybe tennis is going to be OTX? There could be a special uniform issued for it too. And “ideal rackets” and “ideal balls.”
Cof$ is already an ideal racket. 😉
Cooper Kessel says
Next up ……………Groundhog Day for Chairman of the Bored.
New moniker for Dave – the hog of Hemet.
True story: Shelly once gave DM an electric putter (putter with an electric cord attached at the top of the handle).
“Ideal balls”…hum… do you think a sheep has balls?
I think they’re small.
Ideal grave robbing is likely the next fundraising activity.
That’s a tough way to extract gold.