Someone recently commented about the inability of Scientologists to use correct punctuation.
Apparently, this may be some sort of fundamentalist disease.
Just for a laugh, one of our special correspondents sent this in. These guys are really over the top on apostrophes.
But, they didn’t forget to include Scientologist’s on their list of devil lovers….
I also enjoyed “High Fullutent”, “Sport’s Nut’s” and “Jehovah’s Witness’s”, but for some reason “Druggies” didn’t qualify for an apostrophe. The only plural word that missed the cut.
AnonIndie says
Your intro is interesting and accurate. I think much of this comes from a pervasive tendency to devalue education which is very common among Fundamentalists.
BigGrizzlyBear says
What a load of bollock’s! Aw shit!
il luminacca says
they tell all u children, that the devil’s a villain….but, it ain’t necessarily so…
Joshua Smith says
I love that I’m a lifelong Christian and fit into a couple of those categories. Last time I checked there wasn’t much “hearting the Devil” going on here. I can’t wait to show this to my editor-at-heart wife!
Koola says
Is there anyone left after that complete smorgasbord of sinners?…..Ah yes,I didnt see meuwziscians!!
Gregor F. says
Mike, didn’t you join Scientology very young? How come you know how to use punctuation?
Mike Rinder says
I completed high school before joining the Sea Org. I also completed Key To Life (me and my twin were the first two pilot people to complete the course) and whether you agree or disagree with the value of this course as the “key to life” it thoroughly covers the subjects of grammar and punctuation. Very thoroughly. I also read a lot and always have and I believe this is key to grammatical skill.
Old School says
Yes Mike. It is very thorough in that coverage. My son did a secular version of the KTL and would run circles around most who have a B.A. in English. In the area of grammar and spelling that is.
Michael says
What is a “secular version of KTL”?
Gregor F. says
The Scientology orgs are PACKED with people from non-English-speaking countries. That explains a lot to me.
Meja Deja says
When pueples get their education from modern sike school
Their grandma and punctuation might just be a bit lacking
When studdy teck is no more huzed and dictionaries are just for fools
Grandma could go packing and punctuation take a slacking.
Cat Daddy says
I propose a religion that encompasses all mankind:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XaJfrKFX628
thetimchannel says
If you’re not sinning then Jeebus died an imaginary death for nothing. Enjoy.
DollarMorgue says
The ‘S probably stands for satan. I hope this kind of Christian advertising has a similarly deterrent effect on people as scientology advertising.
Hilarious posts, though, thanks guys ๐
Worsel says
Some improvements of the English Language (by Mark Twain)
“For example, in Year 1 that useless letter “c” would be dropped to be replased either by “k” or “s”, and likewise “x” would no longer be part of the alphabet. The only kase in which “c” would be retained would be the “ch” formation, which will be dealt with later. Year 2 might reform “w” spelling, so that “which” and “one” would take the same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish “y” replasing it with “i” and Iear 4 might fiks the “g/j” anomali wonse and for all.
Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear with iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears 6-12 or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants. Bai iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi ridandant letez “c”, “y” and “x” — bai now jast a memori in the maindz ov ould doderez — tu riplais “ch”, “sh”, and “th” rispektivli.
Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.”
Hallie Jane says
I’m in trouble…………..
plainoldthetan says
Bob the Angry Flower weighed in on this subject many years ago.
Cat Daddy says
Remember Hall turner
plainoldthetan says
(Somehow, the graphic didn’t make it through.)
Bob the Angry Flower weighed in on this topic years ago.
http://possiblyhelpfuladvice.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/angrybobapostrophe_.jpg
Old Surfer Dude says
He’y, wha’ts all the hub bub a’bout? Wha’t they wrot’e a’bout look’s righ’t! Th’at i’s,,, if youre’ brai’n dam’aged
EXESSO says
Hmm. David Miscavige is a homophobic wifebeating drunkard gangster as well as being a lying gambling theiving adulterer. He’s also a high falutin sophisticated swine. He’s a sports nut for sure. He’s a freeloader, and classifies as both an effeminate man and a loud mouthed woman at the same time. He likes to call himself pope, so I guess there is some catholicism in the mix. He is for sure an idolator.
Could this abusive sign have been written for him and the author just missed on a couple of points? Like he’s not into emo and could care less about the environment but everything else fits?
Roy Macgregor says
Good point. I looked down the second column and it seems to me he is a goverment recipient (IRS tax breaks), adulterer (thats you Lou), fornicating (that would be you as well Lou) thieving, gambling, radical muslim loving (well reported already) perverted (you should hear how he talks) money idolating, pagan, loud mouthed, woman (hides behind his security people like a little girl actually), agnostic, lying, freeloading, liberal, high faluten sohpisticated swine who is also a sports nut. So in the second column I think I only missed the Jehovah’s witnesses, who are actually nice people.
tony-b says
Ex. You couldn’t even copy the word properly. The Dear Miss Leader is definitely an “I do later” . Look how long the Oiliness Table Temple took him to get together..
Idolaters of the world unite;.you have nothing to lose but your procrastination. Oops a nasty SP semicolon crept in there. Must have been added by wayward copywriters.
Then again I think you are correct to call him an idolator too he obviously spends a lot of time preening in front of the mirror; every hair is straight up and vertical..
Grace says
I thought he had his hair plugs done that way on purpose?
anonblack says
Had to look up Bahi. According to Wikipedia – “Bahi is an administrative ward in the Dodoma Rural district of the Dodoma Region of Tanzania.” What’s with all the Bahi hate??
Mike Rinder says
It’s baha’i. http://www.bahai.org/?gclid=CL7AweL6970CFeMSOgodpkQAZA
anonblack says
Thanks Mike, now what is P.K? Pakistani?
Paul Cocovinis says
Anonblack, I believe PK’s are Pastor’s Kid’s. A friend’s parent’s are both pastor’s and she told me she’s consequently called a PK. Think I’m getting the hang of this apostrophe thing now.
David Cooke says
Love that list! I qualify for at least 5 of their category’s of sinner’s (assuming ‘high fallutent sophisticated swine’ is all one item).
deanblair06 says
Well I for one believe in Jesus but the guy who wrote this was probably an alcoholic, wife beating atheist who found God but then back slid and now is trying to come to terms with it all. Jesus is all about love not about making people wrong. I hope the guy gets it all sorted out a little sooner than later.
MJ says
Yes, we ur all aganst rathbun’s, rinder’s and blak cristian’s. Gods’ on ar side’s.
clergyman says
Yur a rank hamistur aza spellr!!! Yuh forgot the sclaimark’s!!! Its’ Gods’ on ar side’s!!!!!’!
MJ says
Wus a xklamajor murk?
knatherthomas says
My favorites are “loud mouth women” and “democrats”. How about “nit wits” being added?
Joe Pendleton says
And don’t forget “sophisticated swine” ….. two words that in my 63 years I had heretofore never imagined forming a descriptive phrase. (and yet, of course, they do exist in the millions as we all know, but really these swine are “faux sophisticates.”)
Leonore says
I think the author is especially annoyed with those “High Fallutent Sophisticated Swine.”
Kemist says
That’d be like adding “inbred morons”, i.e. they’d be naming themselves.
Roy Macgregor says
Ive’ given up on scientologist’s ever using correct punctuation!!!!!! Spelling is a challange for them to. They have bigger and more important thing’s on their mind’s than the correct placement of stupid comma’s. They are coming to save YOU from yourself and your fixation on you’re mest bank account!!!!!!!!! And besides, KTL is out of use because LRH screwed it and DM needs to fix it!!!!!!!!!! And he will!!!! Fix it!!!!!! Three cheers for the exclamation thingy!!!!!!!!!
GTBO says
Dthey dfinately went to the OTC school of grammar !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GTBO says
(Spelling mistakes and exclams deliberate)
Cindy says
And yet punctuation was taught on the KTL course. Guess we should get KTL and LOC out of dust balls and reinstate it in the next GAT III evolution.
Jose Chung says
“Guilty”