Imagine a future world in which people’s cell phones were loaded with an array of laser-precise Scientology applications. Now picture these apps connecting automatically with a vast air-conditioned server farm located on the edge of the Mojave Desert—affectionately known in management circles as Sci-Cloud. We’re not talking science fiction. This technology has existed for years. Why hasn’t David Miscavige and his church jumped on this tech already?
Staying Clean in the Twenty-first Century
The second most useful app (we’ll get to the first later) would be the Clean Hands App that dealt with people’s overts and withholds. Instead of having to go through all the trouble of writing up misdeeds on paper or coughing them up in-session, people would simply enter their crimes on their cell phones the minute after they’d been committed.
Overts and withholds would automatically be uploaded to Department 3 in the individual’s local org (Department 3 is that branch in a Scientology organization that handles ethics). EOs and MAAs would instantly be appraised of crimes and be able to quickly take the appropriate measures. For instance, an EO could drag a pre-written ethics program from his desktop onto a church member’s avatar, and hit “send.” Boom! Handled!
What Condition My Condtion is In
Since all Ethics programs include the assignation of a Condition, parishioners would apply a special Scientology Condition App to help them work their way up from one state of beingness to the next. Just like with all other Scientology apps, this one would connect automatically with Ethics.
The Conditions App would be especially useful when petitioning fellow church members to let them back into the group. Instead of having to lug around a physical petition, those in Doubt would message everybody. Group members would simply click “yes” or “no” and their selection would be sent to Ethics for tabulation.
Tattling Made Easy
A Knowledge Report App would not only be useful, but efficient. The second parishioners observed “something that shouldn’t be,” they’d write the violation up on their cell phone where the report would be automatically uploaded to Ethics. Diligent church members would film lawbreakers in the act and attach the videos to their reports. Reporting crimes while they’re still fresh in one’s mind is vital in a modern society.
Such an app would encourage people to write more KRs. People wouldn’t question themselves with whether to report incidents or not. They wouldn’t wait days or months; they’d testify the moment after an outness was observed.
If church leader, David Miscavige, was shrewd, he’d find an old LRH policy letter stating that KRs must be written and posted to Ethics immediately. “Speed of particle flow equals power!”
Visa, MasterCard, or American Express?
Perhaps the most valuable app would be the Scientology Clear-the-Planet Donation App. The IAS could regularly message members for donations in varying amounts: $100; $500; $1,000; $5,000; or Other. Members would simply click on the amount of their choice and automatically, the money would be transferred from their bank accounts or debited from one of their preselected credit cards.
People could make advance donations for anything from minor courses to yet-to-be-released OT levels with the click of a few keys. They could donate toward the renovation of their “ideal org” or earmark their contribution for any other project deemed vitally important—such as new foolscap paper and folders for Central Files, janitorial supplies, or payment of the gas and electric bill.
If management was clever, they’d link this donation app directly to people’s Clean Hands App so those who’d strayed could make quick and easy amends.
How about an After-Event-Survey App? Instead of having to fill out environmentally unfriendly paper surveys, attendees would pull out their cells and fill out ones that had been pre-downloaded to their cells.
How about a Bad Indicator’s App (BI App for short) to help members determine the exact cause of sickness, melancholy, or down stats? Instead of having to see the Ethics Officer at their local org with a hundred and four degree fever, they could discover the source of suppression while lying in their own bed drinking tea. How great would that be?
An All Hands On Deck App would be handy so that Scientologists could be ordered into their orgs to work on projects that had to be taken care of quickly. Like updating Central Files, cleansing the “bookstore” of out-of-date books and course packs, and writing letters to the blown field.
The Advanced App
Advanced Orgs, Flag, and the Freewinds would naturally have access to everyone’s apps and uploads in this state-of-the-art system. An MAA at the Fort Harrison, for example, could read everything in one’s ethics folder just as easily as the E/O at a local org. And since everything would be digital and in the cloud, all “errors” in reports could be easily corrected.
Instead of having to wait six months to fly back to Clearwater for remedial handling, those on OT 7 could upload their daily sessions to Flag so CSs could read the worksheets and issue pink sheets with the exact corrective actions needed to get the auditor’s hours back up to snuff.
People would use a Scientology Social Media App to upload all the wins they’d experienced in Scientology and in life. Spectacular wins voiced at the Examiner would be automatically uploaded via a state-of-the-art voice-recognition system. Testimonials would be viewed at church-approved sites where visitors could acknowledge these wins by clicking: Like!, Love!, Wow!, or Fantastic!
Still not Declared,