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Scientology Calgary Expansion: Flat Out And Vertical

November 11, 2014 By Mike Rinder 66 Comments

COS_Calgary_3

Another in the ongoing series exploring the “explosive international growth” of scientology and its “straight up and vertical expansion,” according to the gospel of David Miscavige.

A Special Correspondent happened to be in Calgary recently and sent in this report.

Although not listed on the official church website, Scientology maintains a Mission in Calgary Canada.

According to http://scientologycalgary.org/ the “Church of Scientology Mission of Calgary” offers:

“a broad range of services from life improvement courses, such as how to be more effective at work, how to know who you can trust, study skills, and many more. We offer free lectures and films, individual counseling and coming soon, the Purification Rundown, the world’s most effective detox program.”

A course on “how to know who you can trust”? Offered by Scientology? Well let’s go check this place out!

4310 MacLeod Trail SW
Suite 201
Calgary, Alberta
Canada

Hours of Operation:

Tuesday 5:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m.

Thursday 5:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m.

Saturday 12:00 p.m. to 5:00 p.m.

 

The Mission is on the top floor in the suite of offices to the left of the sign. The building is located on a busy commercial artery populated by run-down strip malls, car dealerships and fast food restaurants. Pretty much zero foot traffic.

COS_Calgary_1
They share the upper floor with “M.T. Motors Used Auto Sales” who, apparently, also offer massages.

COS_Calgary_2

I’m assuming the text on the sign is supposed to read “Hubbard Life Improvement Ministry of Calgary” but as you can see someone from the local welcome wagon has already been by to visit. Scientology, making friends everywhere they go.

COS_Calgary_3
Just barely clinging to life. This really is ideal!
COS_Calgary_4

PS: According to scientology.org official website, there are a grand total of 5 scientology missions in the entirety of Canada.

Doesn’t quite match up up to the ever increasing “11,000 churches and missions” the church keeps telling everyone they have. When it comes to scientology, the whole of Canada is flat out and vertical.

 

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Filed Under: Missions Tagged With: Missions

Comments

  1. JennyAtLAX (@JennyAtLAX) says

    November 14, 2014 at 11:04 pm

    Re: Scientology Calgary Expansion: Flat Out And Vertical.

    “Nobody cares. Nobody’s interested.”

    Reply
  2. CobGatYour$$ says

    November 12, 2014 at 10:31 pm

    At least in that location you KNOW THERE IS A SPOT FOR A TRULY HAPPY ENDING! And it probably only costs 20 Canadian dollars!:):) YEAAAAA, that’s the kind of auditing we want!!LOL!

    Reply
  3. Hiatus57 says

    November 12, 2014 at 11:39 am

    “straight up and vertical expansion,”

    Rather like Mr Bransons latest rocket test!

    Reply
  4. indie8million says

    November 12, 2014 at 6:04 am

    Interesting that the paint is the color of blood. Nice subliminal messaging.

    Reply
  5. cindy says

    November 12, 2014 at 2:43 am

    And for those on a budget, get a massage. Maybe for a good tip you get the happy ending?

    Reply
  6. Maria says

    November 12, 2014 at 1:11 am

    On the issue of shrinking, in Melbourne Australia,in recent years, the Church sold it’s CBD location (now a Chanel Flagship Store) and built an Ideal Org in suburbia, great for passing foot traffic and overall visibility. They then opened a Scientology Information Centre in a not so ideal CBD location to field initial inquiries and move people onto the Ideal Org. I now note that this has been dropped from their website and an internet search shows the location was leased in June this year with vacant possession. Guess the general public of Melbourne are not beating a path to their door.

    Reply
  7. Ronn S. says

    November 12, 2014 at 12:49 am

    I’m just not of the mood or energy to respond to this tonight as much as I could, but it does remind of my yesteryears and coming out on Marty’s blog a couple years back. You can can check that out under “Alaska” in the categories on his blog.

    Reply
    • Ronn S. says

      November 12, 2014 at 12:54 am

      … a broad range of services….. -above an auto body shop-. Ok ok, I said I wasn’t going to respond..

      Reply
  8. Aquamarine says

    November 11, 2014 at 10:34 pm

    A Scientology Mission, a used car dealership and a massage parlour…make the theta choice, people, and buy a used car.

    Reply
    • indie8million says

      November 12, 2014 at 6:06 am

      Massage, please!

      Reply
  9. Aquamarine says

    November 11, 2014 at 10:25 pm

    At first I got a little shock as I thought it was blood. Creepy looking. Amazing that they leave it like that. But now that its on the Fringe of the Internet I’ll bet David Miscavige orders it to be cleaned. Funny.

    Reply
    • indie8million says

      November 12, 2014 at 6:05 am

      That’s what I thought too, Aqua. Appropriate.

      Reply
  10. Michael Valley says

    November 11, 2014 at 7:59 pm

    I’m curious, why not use the name SCIENTOLOGY ? Is it legal in Canada to practice the faith or is it considered a CULT? Why has Davey Boy not learned his method does not work and try to change the lies and deceit and violence that follows him?

    Reply
  11. Eileen says

    November 11, 2014 at 7:31 pm

    Looks like Walter has crawled back into his hole. So much for confront and shatter. Bye Davey!

    Reply
  12. Aurora says

    November 11, 2014 at 5:03 pm

    This is O/T to today’s topic, but I thought very interesting in light of the ‘Shermanspeak’ phenomena. I found the article at The Dish.

    ‘…research has shown that patterns of language can be good indicators of deceit in fields outside of science.
    …
    …wrote with more certainty when describing his fake data, using nearly one-third more certainty terms than he did in the genuine articles,” the authors wrote. “Words such as ‘profoundly,’ ‘extremely,’ and ‘considerably’ frame the findings as having a substantial and dramatic impact.”’

    http://dish.andrewsullivan.com/2014/11/11/from-the-journal-of-dubious-studies/

    Reply
  13. Bognition says

    November 11, 2014 at 4:25 pm

    Some people see the Virgin Mary in cloud formations. I see Slappy’s head exploded and dripping on the Dianetics symbol.

    Reply
    • Hallie Jane says

      November 11, 2014 at 8:21 pm

      I see it Bognition! It’s like a Dali painting, the tapestry of lies is meeellllllllltiiiiiiiiinng!!!!!

      Reply
  14. The Dude says

    November 11, 2014 at 3:28 pm

    It would be awesome if somehow we could organise a synchronised effort of recent photos of most orgs around the world and put together a “Thursday Funnies” poster showing how “clear” the entirety of Scientology really is.
    The comment ” Scientology – DONE!!” Would have a whole new meaning. Ha!

    Reply
    • Hingle McCringleberry says

      November 11, 2014 at 5:35 pm

      Why can’t we? I got Houston Mission covered. It looks pretty pathetic and its totally surrounded by iron security fences. Very Scientology Prison looking.

      Reply
  15. Wally the Lip says

    November 11, 2014 at 3:08 pm

    Ah, Mike, how little you really know! Of course we can’t show the whole sign!! If we showed the whole sign, as the only group in this sector with effective tech, everyone would freewheel out of control and wander the streets of Calgary all night like teenage girls at a Justin Bieber show! Moreover, Mr. Bieber himself went clear at this very mission and is no exterior working his way to Target Two to perform for LRH, who knows ideal music when he hears it. Its clearly logical! OTIII was posted on the internet in the 90’s and then- BAM!!!!!- Ebola. See? Logic!!!!!

    I’m again very disheartened to see that you and your quivering conglomerate of cantankerous cretins still blindly fall for “photographs” as if that represents some sort of “evidence”. That’s so obviously illogical as the photographs posted in Freedom show a mob of people trying desperately to salvage themselves with workable tech, even though you can only read part of the sign. The thetan knows what the thetan wants. We had to put up a fake massage sign and offer free unicorn rides, just to distract the people (and identify the degraded ones) long enough to recruit another 2000 Sea Org members from Tajikistan to send there and we still have 10,599 missions left to cover! By they way, you’re a turd. David Miscavige has not personally read, revised, reformatted, and/or taken credit for this comment.

    Reply
    • threefeetback says

      November 11, 2014 at 7:53 pm

      Hey Lip, Got a chip on your shoulder?

      Reply
  16. John P. Capitalist says

    November 11, 2014 at 2:38 pm

    I found the picture of the paintball leaking over the sign to be the most telling. Here are people who claim to have mastery over MEST, but who are unable to get themselves sufficiently together to borrow a ladder and spend ten minutes with a glass scraper cleaning off the window. It’s kind of sad, actually — that some clever Anon would do this and they are so wallowing in self-pity that they can’t even recover from a relatively trivial act of vandalism.

    Reply
    • Science Doc says

      November 11, 2014 at 3:19 pm

      Glass scraper? Don’t you mean newsprint and vinegar?

      Reply
      • 1984 says

        November 11, 2014 at 11:00 pm

        Newsprint? No way! Someone might read it first, and go PTS.

        Reply
    • Someone else's problem says

      November 11, 2014 at 3:27 pm

      note that the landlord scrapped the paint off the building… and left the window

      Reply
    • I Yawnalot says

      November 11, 2014 at 6:30 pm

      Ahh… I think you’re missing something. The sign wasn’t noticed until now, they have been so busy they didn’t have time to look up. Even if they did see it those inside the bubble must be told exactly and specifically what to do at all times. Self-determinism in any form is viewed as counter intention. Dave is a busy man trying to remember all his lies but he’s onto it now.
      The idea about the glass scraper is good though – they are recruiting now if anyone is looking for employment, 2-3k week plus benefits, interested? Scrapers and paper towels provided and long term remuneration guaranteed by honest Dave’s employment agency.
      Clear your glass now!

      Reply
  17. Beryl says

    November 11, 2014 at 1:23 pm

    Aside from the creepy looking exterior, I noticed they are not open very many hours. How do start someone on the bridge to spiritual freedom if you are only open two or three days a week for a few hours?

    Reply
    • John P. Capitalist says

      November 11, 2014 at 2:33 pm

      And I would bet that someone dropping in and checking would find that they’re not even bothering to show up for a reasonable percentage of those few scheduled hours.

      Reply
    • McCarran says

      November 11, 2014 at 2:42 pm

      Very common representation of mission hours (Not one for one but many).

      Reply
      • Cooper Kessel says

        November 11, 2014 at 3:33 pm

        As I recall those were the hours posted for the Stockton Mission which is owned by Freedum Medal Winner Rohn Walker. That was when they still rented a commercial space. Word has it that the mission has moved to the home of an OT VIII in town who is apparently mission ED.

        Another straight down and vertical expansion now approaching a permanently horizontal position about 6 feet under.

        I think Rohn also still has a mission in Reno and Thailand. They are probably doing great!

        Reply
      • WhatWhenAllWho says

        November 11, 2014 at 4:12 pm

        Maybe now – but in the 70’s (when missions were in caves, not Ideal per Miscavaige by any means) they were open 9-11 five days a week and a little shorter hours on the weekend.

        Reply
      • WhatWhenAllWho says

        November 11, 2014 at 4:15 pm

        Oh – and the ones I remember were booming – lots of traffic, lots of Pd Comps, good GI Divided by Staff statistics, lots of public flowing up to the local churches, etc.

        Reply
    • Cooper Kessel says

      November 11, 2014 at 2:50 pm

      They only need to be able to complete a reg cycle or two and then have the seals study at home on an extension course. Oh yea, they also need to be sure the CICS have a garage with enough room to put a pallet of basics into.

      Reply
  18. Sid says

    November 11, 2014 at 12:59 pm

    Though Calgary does have a few GO/OSA/DSA people. I noticed that Don Whitmore (who was the one charged and convicted of infiltrating the RCMP for the GO) recently moved to Calgary. Maybe they’ll clean up the out ethics field in Calgary, safepoint the area, and boom the misson.

    Reply
    • Rick Mycroft says

      November 15, 2014 at 7:19 pm

      Al Buttnor is back in Alberta, but I don’t know if he’s in, out, or all the way out.

      Reply
  19. hgc10 says

    November 11, 2014 at 12:58 pm

    Every funny thing in this world is slightly funnier in Canada. A down-in-the-dumps, pathetic, ramshackle, empty, pointless, soul-sucking Scientology outpost is funny. But in Canada, they add red paint accents, just to boost the laughs. Turning it up to 11, so to speak.

    Reply
  20. Tony DePhillips says

    November 11, 2014 at 12:40 pm

    Something about the positioning of a RCS mission with a used car lot and a massage parlor that makes me laugh.

    Reply
    • Cooper Kessel says

      November 11, 2014 at 2:46 pm

      They for sure can learn something from each! I wonder which one Dave would pick first? Hey Lou, want to weigh in on this?

      Reply
      • Tony DePhillips says

        November 11, 2014 at 6:03 pm

        One stop shopping. Get screwed buying a car, get screwed while getting a massage and then get the mind fucking of your life!! Lol.

        Reply
    • Joe Pendleton says

      November 12, 2014 at 2:25 am

      And Tony …. at the CoS you always get your WALLET massaged! (But alas …. no happy ending!)

      Reply
    • Rick Mycroft says

      November 15, 2014 at 7:21 pm

      As I recall, the Ottawa ORG isn’t any better than that mission, and with similar neighbours.

      Reply
  21. DollarMorgue says

    November 11, 2014 at 11:53 am

    Scientology is a ghost town hiding a mass grave of spiritual seekers.

    Reply
  22. Potpie says

    November 11, 2014 at 11:38 am

    Hey Walter….could you at least get someone to clean up that sign?

    Walter are you there?……oh you are next door receiving services at the
    massage parlor…..I see. You are probably receiving better service than
    what one can get at the place with the painted sign next door.

    Possibly you should go after the local city counsel to get rid of that
    stupid car dealer ship.

    Reply
  23. Alanzo says

    November 11, 2014 at 11:15 am

    Love that picture!

    Reply
    • McCarran says

      November 11, 2014 at 2:39 pm

      The state of affairs in the church of scientology. Perfect picture representation.

      Reply
  24. Bystander says

    November 11, 2014 at 11:09 am

    I think I’d rather have a touch assist next door…

    Reply
    • Martin Padfield says

      November 11, 2014 at 11:53 am

      🙂

      Reply
    • Katniss Everdeen says

      November 11, 2014 at 1:23 pm

      The Gentleman’s Hand Wax at the car dealer /massage parlor? Hahahaha!!!! At least the Mission staff can make a living wage if they go across the hall to work there.

      Reply
      • Cooper Kessel says

        November 11, 2014 at 2:44 pm

        +1 LOL!!!

        Reply
    • Someone else's problem says

      November 11, 2014 at 4:03 pm

      with a “happy ending”…

      Reply
    • Felicity says

      November 12, 2014 at 10:31 pm

      You made me laugh so hard that coffee came out my nose….

      Reply
  25. cindy says

    November 11, 2014 at 11:05 am

    They are flat out and horizontal or downward.

    Reply
  26. edge says

    November 11, 2014 at 10:50 am

    I think we all know the reason why Scientology’s not more successful in Canada, Mike: Most of the target cities have downtown aquariums. Have you seen the one in Vancouver? It’s fucking massive. How is Pope Dave supposed to compete with all those fish and tourists? CICS nature lovers.

    Reply
    • knusernKnusern says

      November 11, 2014 at 1:26 pm

      Aha, ofcourse! The whales go to the aquariums instead of orgs.

      Reply
    • Hallie Jane says

      November 11, 2014 at 7:50 pm

      That’s it edge, you nailed it!

      Reply
    • Doug Parent says

      November 17, 2014 at 10:22 am

      “other fish”

      Reply
  27. Jose Chung says

    November 11, 2014 at 10:41 am

    Not a good indicator.

    Reply
  28. SILVIA says

    November 11, 2014 at 10:41 am

    Wow…I am impressed by this monumental emptiness and the never in history 47XXX straight vertical plunge. But, ‘nobody cares’, so, no worry.

    Reply
  29. visitor_0 says

    November 11, 2014 at 9:58 am

    I always thought scientology expansion was “straight DOWN and vertical”.

    Reply
    • threefeetback says

      November 11, 2014 at 11:47 am

      six feet under and horizontal

      Reply
  30. threefeetback says

    November 11, 2014 at 9:26 am

    Dave,

    My guess is that if you ask politely, Mike might allow you to use some of his photos for your next Clubbing of
    the Seals.

    Reply
  31. Mat Pesch says

    November 11, 2014 at 9:22 am

    That is an “Ideal Mission” compared to the “missions” I saw in Europe. Basically tool sheds or garages filled with unused materials.

    Reply
  32. thegman77 says

    November 11, 2014 at 9:02 am

    Canadians are early spotters of BS.

    Reply
    • Cooper J Kessel says

      November 11, 2014 at 9:44 am

      And they have obviously figured out ” how to know who you can trust.” If one cannot be trusted, know them by their red badge of a traitor.

      Yo dave,
      About time to take a road trip up to Calgary and get that hole squared away don’t you think. I think you would not make it back out of town good buddy. Your shoes and styled hair are a DEAD givaway.

      Reply
      • Rine says

        November 12, 2014 at 9:50 am

        Truth!!

        Reply
    • indie8million says

      November 12, 2014 at 6:07 am

      Flat-lined and horizontal.

      Reply

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