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Some Serious Snark

December 12, 2021 By Mike Rinder 11 Comments

Today, some fine snark from our old friend Clearly Not Clear in response to this promo piece.
Call any staff member to confirm? One of the three perhaps? Or just leave a message on the machine? Oh, no machine? Yeah, they don’t want to start the day with multiple distortion-riddled, yelled messages from upper management. So yeah, no machine.
The dynamics? Yeah the dynamics of how to pay for A) your next service, or B) if you’re in Ethics, a sizable donation for the Ideal Boondoggle, er Org program. Regging via the dynamics, hmm how would that work?
First dynamic: Donate for your personal backdoor-to-eternity freedom.
Second dynamic: Donate to stave off the agonized future of your children. No kids cause you were in the SO for too long? No problem. You probably didn’t get much action, on the inside. So donate so you can be a sexy, upstat, Scientologist and have a chance.
Third Dynamic: Donate for the sake of your group. Donate for your Ideal Morgue. Already got one? Good and empty, innit? Donate for the nearest one. Yeah, that’s quite the third dynamic thing to do.
Fourth Dynamic: Donate for the Ideal Org in Slovakia. It’s really booming there and they are busting at the seams in their little 20,000 square foot rental. What do you mean those pictures are from Romania? Sergeant at Arms? Take this steaming pile of excrement to Ethics, Now! Where was I? Oh yeah. In Slovakia, they are booming like never before and need this new building. It’s 80,000 square feet. It’s a dairy barn, but we’ll convert it to thirty course rooms, forty auditing rooms, and two auditoriums. We’ll be able to deliver 10X the rest of the EU. What? You’re from Slovakia? Do you doubt my statistics? Sergeant at Arms? Hello?
Fifth dynamic: Animals the world over are suffering because of human aberration. We need these Ideal Morgues to be like bulwarks against dark forces. In order to be kind to animals. Look at the sweet abandoned kittah. You can do something about it. What? Of course, I don’t want you to donate to the Humane Society. Those bunch of crooks use the money to line their bulging pockets. They hardly help any animals at all. It’s a scam. LRH investigated them years ago when they slammed his statements about using e-meters to clear trauma from animals. What? Well in all experiments these things happen. You can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs, eh? Where’s that Sergeant at Arms?
Sixth dynamic: The earth is careening around the gulaxy at an alarming speed. People are claiming climate change as an excuse to be unproductive. Our Ideal Morgues will put Ethics into the environment. We need your help to right the ship of state. The politicians don’t understand the importance of postulates. Eh? LRH’s position is that climate change is black PR put out by the socialist SP’s bent on rewarding downstats in shithole countries. Well no, I didn’t hear that directly from LRH. I just looked at the scripture. Yes, his books are our scriptures. Yes, the thing about an eight-year-old girl who shouldn’t be shocked by a tongue kiss from an old man with halitosis is in the Dianetics book. Well, it was a different time then. We’re talking about our planet, not some simpering little girl and her delusions from past lives. (Looks around for the Sergeant at Arms.)
Seventh dynamic: Well honey, it looks like it’s just you and me.
What say we call it a night? Can you read aloud to me again before bed from Mission Earth? It’s getting to another one of the good parts. (Hurriedly takes down a poster with a huge photoshopped picture of his old white guy self and grabs car keys.)
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Filed Under: Fundraising Tagged With: Clearly Not Clear, dynamics, fundraising, valley org

Comments

  1. Real says

    December 14, 2021 at 11:48 am

    If you using ANYTHING Hubturd wrote or said in your life, you are doing it wrong. Just say NO to Hubturd’s “data”.

    Reply
  2. Mockingbird says

    December 13, 2021 at 6:00 am

    I as many people here already know spent twenty five years in Scientology and left the cult in 2014. In the years since then I have interacted with hundreds of ex Scientologists and Independent Scientologists.

    I have found that very often people throw off the belief in the OT levels and clear state and realize that Ronald Hubbard lied about these things, didn’t do the research he alleged, and he was in fact a narcissistic, cruel, pathological liar that was indifferent to the suffering he caused or that he actually enjoyed it.

    But some ideas from Scientology indoctrination seem to persist in the minds of people and cause confusion and hardship long after they are no longer physically among the members in Scientology organizations.

    People often continue to believe in the existence of overts and witholds and the various ethics conditions and the PTS technology and the tone scale long after leaving Scientology, whether they reject the character of Hubbard and David Miscavige or not.

    These are frankly dangerous delusions in themselves but when they are combined with the numerous contradictions in Scientology indoctrination and the plentiful terms redefined into their opposites to create double think and denial the psychological effects are unfortunately insidious and persistent.

    Plainly, numerous cult experts from Margaret Singer to Daniel Shaw have recognized that the more contradictions and double think in a cult the more difficult it is to recover, in psychoanalytic terms used by Shaw you have dissociation to overcome.

    People often have to tease out individual concepts and related terms that they remain confused about to work out how these are deceptive.

    If you left Scientology or are in Scientology and confused about something or find it to be the “mystery sandwich” holding your attention then it’s worth examining with information on the topic from OUTSIDE of Scientology.

    Subjects that are useful in deciphering Scientology include logical fallacies, rhetoric, cognitive biases, propaganda analysis, cognitive dissonance theory, behavioral economics, neuroscience, critical thinking and on and on.

    The hard part is finding which particular subject and ideas are useful for which Hubbard doctrine.

    If we look at his ethics conditions and use a bit of critical thinking to require evidence of an empirical nature we find that Hubbard provides none, he also has made no effort to falsify his claims to see if they are not compatible with reality. You can have any idea you like, but if it is a statement about something measurable, like statistics in Scientology, and you don’t have measurements to support your claim then it is a very poor claim.

    Another point worth considering is in the Doubt formula Hubbard presents a false dichotomy of saying that you must choose a side and work against the other, but in real life you have other options, you can like two people or groups who are in opposition, you can dislike both, you can be neutral and you have other options. Hubbard failed to recognize this.

    I as another example knew that people have another reason for leaving groups besides the fictional misunderstood words and overts, I have known many people who got jobs during high school or college and planned to leave the jobs when they finished their education, they planned to leave these jobs BEFORE getting the jobs, so it’s hard to see how misunderstood words or overts are the cause of their departure. Several Ethics Officers were crestfallen when I explained this as their Scientology training left no room for any motive for leaving other than overts and witholds and misunderstood words.

    In numerous cases we can find that Hubbard said “this is ALWAYS because of this cause or this small list of causes” and he was simply wrong, further often his alleged causes are things like overts and witholds and engrams and locks and secondaries that simply do not exist, at least they are claims that lack scientific evidence and have ample evidence against them.

    Reply
    • Jere Lull says

      December 14, 2021 at 8:17 am

      Hubbard DID recognize those things and used them with malice aforethought to enslave all who came into contact with him or his product, however obliquely.

      Reply
  3. Cece says

    December 13, 2021 at 4:45 am

    For 11 years I was on ‘LOA’ while married to my SO husband who was Ljg Chief Engineer at PAC. He used to tell me stories when he got home at midnight.

    One night I guess one of his crew was inquiring of the guys “Do your wives wear ‘Books Make Booms’ T shirts to bed?
    Seriously?

    Who cares. All the OTs have learned to sublime their desires to more creative things.

    What a warped life that was. Thank you for putting it all so clear and to the point 🙂

    Reply
  4. xTeamXenu75to03 says

    December 12, 2021 at 11:17 am

    A key slang phrase all Scientologists leaning in the direction of slowing their Scientology life of being regged to death, they should take a look at this slang phrase:

    “Left holding the bag.”

    Study up on the internet on Scientology.

    Don’t be left holding the bag for L. Ron Hubbard’s quackery empire.

    And for sure don’t let your kids join staffs or Sea Org, where they will unwittingly be institutional staff holding Hubbard’s bag of quackery.

    Reply
  5. xTeamXenu75to03chuckbeatty says

    December 12, 2021 at 11:10 am

    Xenu perpetrated the 4th Dynamic Engram.

    The Sea Org, which runs the exorcism Advanced Organizations where the first 3 exorcism levels of upper Scientology are delivered ( OT 3, 4 and 5), plus the higher echelon Flag Service Org in Clearwater that delivers OT 6 and 7, all of these upper Scientology organizations are staffed with Sea Org members.

    They need Sea Org members to “run out” the 4th Dynamic Engram.

    Who caused the 4th Dynamic Engram.

    Answer: Xenu

    You only get briefly briefed about Xenu in a few places, by Hubbard.

    OT 3 Course.
    Class 8 Course
    “Revolt In The Stars” fiction script written by Hubbard but never released by Author Services Inc.

    The 4th Dynamic Engram’s biggest effects, were the releasing of the R6 implanted “body-thetans” that are just surplus bodiless souls that infest ALL humans (read the Class 8 transcripts on Wikileaks, and search for ‘body thetan” and read the hundred plus mentions and theory of the damage and extensive problem of body thetans to all humans today.

    Sea Org members form the echelon organizations of Scientology for delivering the exorcism levels of Scientology, all of this, due to Xenu’s misdeeds of mass murdering and implanting and setting loose of these massive quantities of body thetans that invest today all humans.

    And only Sea Org organizations can deliver the exorcism five levels, OT 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7.

    That’s what the 4th dynamic theme ties into, for the Sea Org and for the lower Scientology orgs that warm up the dupes to become indoctrinated full blown believers in body-thetans being humanity’s biggest problem.

    The hidden body thetans problem, and the Hubbard solution of the Scientology stepladder organizations to warm up followers to the body thetan problem, and then the exorcism OT 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7 exorcism levels solution.

    That’s Scientology in a nutshell.

    It’s a huge long strung out stepladder of quackery, strung out so long that most don’t ever get their heads around the whole big enchilada.

    Xenu caused the 4th Dynamic Engram.

    Reply
  6. otherles says

    December 12, 2021 at 11:01 am

    We must as a fact accept the that religion isn’t an excuse to practice force or fraud. If this makes me a Suppressive Person, so be it.

    Reply
    • Jere Lull says

      December 14, 2021 at 8:29 am

      It’s NOT a religion; it only claims it is to muddy the waters and avoid legal and financial liabilities/responsibilities.

      Reply
      • Real says

        December 14, 2021 at 11:54 am

        Jere, ACTUALLY, it is. It fits a definition of religion.

        Just because it is a religion doesn’t mean it is good and/or correct. Believing oneself to be a immortal spiritual being and taking part in practices to increase your spiritual power is about as religious as it gets. You are conflating religion with modern, Western forms of organized sects. That isn’t the definition of religion per se. Even though they are also religions.

        Reply
  7. Mary Kahn says

    December 12, 2021 at 9:35 am

    HILARIOUS! 🤣

    And yet, not so far off the mark.

    “Where’s that Sergeant At Arms.” 😂

    Reply
    • Jere Lull says

      December 14, 2021 at 8:32 am

      ““Where’s that Sergeant At Arms.” ? 🤣
      Hopefully blown as far away as possible, and therefore inaccessible. 🤣

      Reply

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