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Thursday Funnies

December 30, 2021 By Mike Rinder 33 Comments

 

Tourist Promo

Interesting how all promo for Dublin org features the “beauty of Ireland” as the first selling point. I thought this org was put there to “Clear Ireland,” the Irish don’t need to go to a scientology org to experience the beauty of Ireland. They live there.

 

Correct Title: Scientology Winter Festival

The “community” (wogs) are just there for show. They are not much use to the regges.

 

Kiddie Corner

 

 

Merry R6 Implant Day

You would think they could at least not be totally insulting and say “Happy Holidays”

 

Open House to End Psychiatric Abuse

They’ve been saying that for decades. Not really accomplished anything much.

The real purpose of this event is to try to squeeze some money out of people. The big tell? “Light refreshments served.”

 

Whole New Universe

This one always cracks me up. They can’t even create their own org.

 

Truth in Advertising?

“It’s time to start your journey to freedom. Sail to new heights with OT technology.”

Just as long as you don’t mind if your “journey” is in a motel and then after 2 weeks, tied up next to the dock in Aruba.

 

A Life Sentence…

This is no gift. This is a permanent invitation to being regged.

 

What’s with the IAS and the children?

This one also has an infant in an IAS hat

 

You can be a scientologist and a  Christian or a Jew too!

In fact, according to Paris Morfopolous, most are.

 

More R6 Wishes

 

Ron on Christmas

Left out a few kind of important details though….

 

More R6

Even have a guy in a red suit to look like th edevil

 

Stand Up Comedy, Magic Show….

And food!

Seems to be how they attract anyone these days.

 

Financial Security?

Stay away from scientology…

 

Paella dinner

See what I mean?

 

Lots more postulates across Canada

I think you should ALL postulate for one thing. Finishing Toronto “ideal” continental org. Coming up on the 20 year anniversary of trying to renovate the building you owned when the ideal org program began in 2003…

 

 

And more postulates….

Wonder if they are all going to hold hands and postulate they don’t get dragged into the Masterson case catastrophe?

$150 a person?

Guess there is no “international event” again this year…

Not a best-seller

It’s already on the remainders table at $1.99.

 

Now here’s a holiday quote for the ages…

Ron wrote it, so it must be good!

 

Yikes

The VM van isn’t looking so good in Vancouver

 

 

Something doesn’t add up

So why are they always selling that they offer you “eternity”? You are immortal already?

 

Two guys, one member

The Property Brothers

With Nerf guns.

It makes a lot of sense.

 

 

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Filed Under: Funnies Tagged With: Canada, CC Int, CCHR, Chicago, Christmas, Dave Pettit, Dublin Org, Freewinds, IAS, Merry Christmas, New Years, Perth org, valley org, Writers of the Future

Comments

  1. GL says

    December 31, 2021 at 6:40 pm

    That photo of Susan and Charles…creepy…

    “Special Musical Performances”

    1. Reggin’ in the Morning.
    2. Reggin’ on the Storm.
    3. Reggin’ Fields Forever.
    4. Reggin’ It.

    And many other unforgettable tracks that will leave you breathless from crying as you empty your wallets, purses, bank accounts, credit cards, etc.

    Vancouver Vanguard…er…um…(scratches head)…stumped for words here.

    Reply
    • Krzysztof Michal Kazmierczak says

      January 1, 2022 at 10:46 am

      I think that guy with big red gun has a nice beard and hair from Vancouver. I wish I had hair like that. It’s a really nice suit too. Now, since many of these flyers have phone numbers perhaps we could wish some a really happy holiday. I think I’m gonna donate some money from my imaginary billion dollar account. No one will know until its too late. You can always make up a fake credit card number and just keep feeding it to them. My transactions with Scientology when I was donating were always accompanied with my bank warning me about possible fraud so we are sort of where we want to be; a complete ban on their transactions.

      Vancouver 604 681 9121
      Celeb Center 323 960 3100 ccint@scientology.net

      Best way I see it is to plug up comm lines with DEV-T like the policy says not to.

      Reply
  2. Aquamarine says

    December 31, 2021 at 1:49 pm

    Aqua’s 2022 Stream of Consciousness Gratitude List:

    * THANK YOU FOR MY NOT HAVING TO ATTEND A SCIENTOLOGY NEW YEAR’S EVENT.
    * Thank you x 10 for my not having to deal with 4 or 5 phone calls per day for weeks prior to the event inviting me to the event.
    * Thank you x 100 for my not having to deal with 4 or 5 phone calls per day for weeks prior to the event confirming and reconfirming me for the event.
    * Ditto the above x 100 for my not having to repeatedly explain to the Call In Morons that there is no such action as a “REconfirm”, that if someone is “confirmed”, then, THAT’S IT!

    So much for negative gain.
    To be continued.

    Reply
  3. Aquamarine says

    December 31, 2021 at 1:29 pm

    Together with her husband, Susan Clement has just signed up for Class V staff at Chicago Org…and she’s a Digestive Health Professional… Where do I begin? Oh, my goodness, the possibilities for snark here…let me count the ways…

    Reply
  4. Krzysztof Michal Kazmierczak says

    December 31, 2021 at 9:24 am

    I remember study tech, it’s the only thing I took out of Scientology that still has any use, mostly because it introduced me to a dictionary, you would think going through the Canadian School system you would introduce you do a dictionary. My Indian neighbor thought that was strange since he couldn’t fathom going through school without one. Well it’s better late than ever.

    I got a question or comment for Mike or anyone who might know. Did anyone have a huge success on one of the drills called the Learning Drill out of the BSM. It’s where you give an example like “You can never drive on the road shoulder.” and your twin has to figure out situations how it’s not true in some cases. So you could say when you need to drive around an accident you can drive on the shoulder. I remember I snapped my SO twin out of something as well during the drill. I think that’s weird that he would throw in such a drill to allow you to think clearly. Or did I do the drill wrong because it’s not suppose to produce wins?

    Reply
  5. WhatAreYourCrimes says

    December 31, 2021 at 12:20 am

    “First order of business: Get old van out of Larry’s place.”

    Scientology, really setting the goals to save the planet!

    If they manage to accomplish this superhuman effort, I’m pretty sure they’ll take a photo of some poor slob holding a certificate.

    Reply
  6. xTeamXenu75to03chuckbeatty says

    December 30, 2021 at 5:42 pm

    Writer of the Future would be so prone for foiling with Xenu costumed protestors showing up at ASI during their events.

    It’d cause conniptions, bringing Hubbard’s Marcab bad guy of all time to ASI to spoof the connection.

    Xenu with a cape that has attached to the cape, every square inch, those tiny plastic alien dolls, all colors, just wiggling like crazy on the cape, and Xenu saying hi.

    That’d upstage the goings on, and the audience (non Scientologists) would love that.

    Have a person with a fake Emeter trying to do OT 5 on Xenu, and peel off some of the BTs.

    Action exorcism space alien’s need it too.

    The Xenu connection to LRH and OT 5, and use the Emeter as part of the show and tell, would pretty much explain the upper levels of Ron’s “serious” subject.

    Reply
  7. Zee Moo says

    December 30, 2021 at 2:00 pm

    “The “community” (wogs) are just there for show. They are not much use to the regges.” Any wog who walks in the door at any $cieno ‘service’ or CCHR event will be hit up for $$$. That is just the way all Regs roll.

    Reply
    • otherles says

      December 30, 2021 at 3:35 pm

      Ordinary people know how to deal with regges. I usually hang up on scammers. I once told a scammer that his scam was so old it could have grandchildren. (Have I said that the MV Freewinds needs to be replaced?)

      Reply
      • Alcoboy says

        December 31, 2021 at 8:15 am

        To: otherles
        Fron: David Miscavige COB RTC
        Re: replacing the Freewinds.

        LET ME SAY IT AGAIN! THE FREEWINDS DOES NOT NEED TO BE REPLACED! SHE IS DOING JUST FINE BECAUSE I COMMISSIONED HER MYSELF! IF I HEAR ANYTHING ELSE OUT OF YOU ABOUT REPLACING THE FREEWINDS I WILL THROW YOU INTO LOWER CONDITIONS SO FAST IT WILL MAKE YOUR HEAD SPIN!
        YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

        ML
        Dave.

        To: David Miscavige COB RTC
        From: Alcoboy
        Re: your stupid ship.

        But didn’t they have to put it in drydock recently because water was seeping into the hull and causing flooding in the engine room?

        No love at all.
        Alcoboy.

        Reply
        • otherles says

          December 31, 2021 at 10:44 am

          I should already be classed as a Suppressive Person.

          Reply
          • Alcoboy says

            December 31, 2021 at 7:58 pm

            To:otherles
            From: David Miscavige COB RTC
            Re: classification as an SP.

            AND SO YOU ARE! TALKING ABOUT MY PRECIOUS FREEWINDS LIKE THAT! YOU ARE LOWER THAN THE LOWEST CONDITION! AND SO ARE YOU, ALCOBOY, FOR SUGGESTING THAT OUR BELOVED FREEWINDS NEEDS TO BE PUT IN DRYDOCK BECAUSE OF PURPORTED LEAKS IN THE HULL! THERE IS NO WATER SEEPING INTO THE ENGINE ROOM AS YOU SO MALICIOUSLY SUGGEST!

            ML
            Dave.

            To :David Miscavige COB RTC
            From: Alcoboy
            Re: what you just said.

            It was only a suggestion.
            Sheesh!

            No love at all.
            Alcoboy.

            Reply
      • Sturlo says

        January 1, 2022 at 1:42 pm

        The unique thing about Scn registrar scams is that the reges actually believe they’re doing good. If they recognize anything dishonest or unscrupulous in the tactics they’ve been trained in, it’s all justified as being “for the greatest good” (meaning it’s beneficial to more aspects of survival than it is harmful; good for the majority of their eight “dynamics” that is.) But what it really comes down to is whether or not the activity is seen as good in any way for Scn. Y’see, if something is seen as good for even one dynamic then that alone is supportive of other dynamics… which makes it ultimately good for all eight dynamics. It’s mental gymnastics. Practically anything can be justified in this fashion and if it is, then it’s overall good and desirable. in the mindset of Scn. Their reality is that because people are at the mercy of their reactive bank they will opt, if left to their own devices, to do non-survival things (such as paying their mortgage rather than donating to IAS, for example). So the reg with his superior knowledge and devious methods is actually “helping” the poor, misguided, reactive bank-driven sap in front of him. The underlying, heavily indoctrinated belief is that because Scn is “Mankind’s only hope” etc, then logically, anything deemed even remotely good for Scn is also good for all of Mankind and Life. Once this psychological foundation is laid, these lofty goals and beliefs easily appeal to many people’s inherent goodness but then fail to hold up to scrutiny in real life. Even though the path all seemed so real, it hinges on the “Tech” and unfortunately “the Tech” fails to deliver. But before people realize that it’s the tech that doesn’t work they’re diverted off into “Ethics” and the bottomless pit of blaming themselves. The “Grades” and other lower level processing do often help to raise a person’s awareness, IMO but also lock the person on an assembly line to “OT levels” etc. “Ethics tech” and a myriad other misleading and expensive accoutrements only ensnare the individual’s purpose and better judgement. Scientologists, particularly staff members often go from being decent people to robotic, unhealthy, stat-driven drones with a “dedicated glare”. The book “Scientology, Hollywood and the prison of belief” by Lawrence Wright is a book who’s title is the perfect summation of its subject.

        Reply
  8. Atlanta Guy says

    December 30, 2021 at 12:04 pm

    Talking to a staff member in Atlanta that is routing out, the foundation org currently has one staff member.

    They didn’t say how many were on the day org.

    Now the Columbus org is trying to scoop up auditing cycles from Atlanta. I guess management does not have confidence in Atlanta being able to deliver.

    You won’t hear this in any of their promo.

    Reply
    • Loosing my Religion says

      December 30, 2021 at 1:00 pm

      Atlanta Guy. Interesting. In my opinion it is not an isolated fact. I think a lot of orgs are like this or are coming to it soon.

      Reply
    • PeaceMaker says

      December 30, 2021 at 10:01 pm

      ATL guy, thanks for the report. Day seems to typically have about half the staff if I recall, though of course at these low numbers there’s not really any way to accurately extrapolate.

      Could the low numbers be in part because so many staff have been sent to Flag for the new administrative training?

      Reply
  9. SuzetteC says

    December 30, 2021 at 11:41 am

    Re the VM van: A couple of Tone 40 postulates should have that handled in no time!

    Reply
  10. Ms. B. Haven says

    December 30, 2021 at 11:34 am

    Anyone want to place a bet on how long Susan and Charles will last at the Chicago Ideal Org? Unless they are independently wealthy, I’m betting it will only be a matter of weeks before they are outta there. However, we already know that they are not independently wealthy because they joined staff after doing an into auditing level and a low level study course. They probably spent a good portion of their savings on these services and when the money ran out they were recruited to join staff with the promise of them being able to go up the ‘bridge’ for free as a staff member. Ain’t gonna happen folks. Thousands have fallen for this line and have gotten no where with no spiritual gains. The con rolls on…

    Reply
    • xTeamXenu75to03chuckbeatty says

      December 30, 2021 at 5:46 pm

      One of the Hubbard policies which was used at the standard, is 1 in 5 stays on staff, after three months.

      So, likely they will be struggling for real in 3 months, and usually quit in for sure 1-2 years.

      Best for retired and already up the Bridge Scientologists to join staff, or second gen Scientologists who can still live at home.

      But Xenu, to me, would just interrupt all avenues, more Xenu incidents need happen.

      Xenu clears their streets and protests, as only OT 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7 Scientologists dare even think about Xenu.

      Xenu is the best gift LRH gave Scientology, the word that does backlash duty, scaring off Scientologists who aren’t supposed to know the definition of Xenu.

      Reply
      • Mark Kamran says

        December 31, 2021 at 2:57 am

        Good to know you are also Xenu fan .

        No doubt Xenu incident exposes Cult being a dark comedy play.

        Slavery ,mind control, guilty conscious and Utopia are basic pillar of beliefs.

        Isn’t it remarkable, it is not happening in any third world country of Asia or Africa but at the homeland of Uncle Sam.

        Just north of border we watch our southern neighbours being hostage by Cults.

        The misuse of first amendment,even Capital Hill seems helpless.

        It is worth to mention Justice department and FBI ,fighting this war for over 75 years and successful in defusing their power with the help of mental heath experts to some extent.

        Reply
    • PeaceMaker says

      December 30, 2021 at 7:54 pm

      Ms. B., I’m not sure they are even there. “Postulate contracts” are being used to make up a good part of the ideal org recruiting quota, from reports – recruits only have to show up after orgs reach a certain level of business, which of course never happens.

      But from the pictures we see, staff have been getting some training – probably only because there isn’t much of any other business at the orgs these days. That would also boost “stats,” and I think it’s likely there’s all sorts of number fudging and funny business going on these days.

      Reply
      • Aquamarine says

        December 31, 2021 at 1:57 pm

        “Postulate contracts”…! Wow, they ARE desperate! This is desperation indeed.

        Reply
      • GL says

        December 31, 2021 at 6:48 pm

        PeaceMaker,

        “Postulate contracts” My mind immediately went south when I saw that. All I could think of was someone asking what it meant, getting kicked in the nuts and then being asked if their postulates contracted.

        Reply
  11. Geoff Levin says

    December 30, 2021 at 11:33 am

    Hubbards quote is a joke. He is the false humanitarian who created the ultimate brainwashing inhumane cult.
    The only spirit of Xmas I see in Scientology is the grim reaper from A Christmas Carol.
    Hubbard was a despicable hypocrite. And those who are members carry his legacy. I hope in the new year there is a mass exodus of people still in. They deserve to be free.

    The spirit of Christmas lives with us.
    We are the protectors of the
    real tradition of Christmas-
    peace on Earth and Goodwill to all.
    We are the hope of Man-
    the only hope.
    Mankind’s salvation lies
    within our hands.(you bet!)
    With our tech and ability we can
    create here on Earth a real heaven
    where men can be free.
    In our hands lies the power to restore
    to Man his determinism and all that he
    finds good in himself~-his honesty,
    his integrity, and the thrill of being
    of real help to others.
    A very Merry Christmas to you all and
    a bright friendly new year.

    Reply
    • Loosing my Religion says

      December 30, 2021 at 2:34 pm

      Geoff I think times have changed a lot since hubbard wrote all that nonsense. But scn is stuck in his policies.
      Normal people are no longer susceptible or interested in the usual bullshit proposed by scn, now it is all in the open that it is a scam.
      But even inside, many have understood this by now.
      New people coming into the orgs is just a distant memory now.
      It is only a matter of time for scn to self-extinguish on its own.

      Reply
      • Geoff Levin says

        January 1, 2022 at 8:26 pm

        I agree. There are still those who fall for the coolaid. This year might be the year of imploding cults.

        Reply
  12. Loosing my Religion says

    December 30, 2021 at 11:20 am

    How to make your postulates really take hold?
    An easy thing . First of all, don’t postulate impossible megalomaniac bullshit – like becoming a millionaire or a Hollywood star or both – you already know it won’t work.
    The second and key point: just go to your nearest org, they’ll tell you what to postulate. Once you have done that, they will reg you for blood and without mercy, you will see they will not let go their prey until you are on the road to obtaining what you have postulated (and you will feel relieved by several tens of thousands of dollars). It will work! (and if it doesn’t the fault will be of course yours).

    Reply
    • xTeamXenu75to03chuckbeatty says

      December 30, 2021 at 5:52 pm

      Blameyouselfifourquackerydoesn’tworkonyouology.

      That they make it so difficult to ever reach the Xenu “body-thetans” exorcism levels of upper Scientology, and then it takes years and years to get through the exorcism of Xenu’s “body-thetans” it just is a huge endless runway to reg the followers, false promising all the way. Blaming you when you fail at the impossible.

      Reply
    • Bryon Eckert says

      December 30, 2021 at 7:53 pm

      Maybe Ron was thinking of the special entity in the middle of his forehead, which he covered with a naval cap. Called the “pustulate”, it gave him companionship for years before he had it lanced.

      Reply
  13. bixntram says

    December 30, 2021 at 11:06 am

    I hope they teach remedial English in Ireland. That young Irish clam would do well to pursue that instead of the ridiculous and expensive pablum the cherch is feeding him. He needs a firmer grasp of verb tenses for starters.

    Reply
    • Lynne Gerred says

      December 30, 2021 at 2:19 pm

      Thank you, that bothered me too. Desperateness indeed!

      Reply
  14. Briget says

    December 30, 2021 at 10:54 am

    I particularly love that the Life Training Center can’t tell the n from the y in the “Olde Englisshe” font they’re using.

    Reply
    • Lynne Gerred says

      December 30, 2021 at 2:20 pm

      Such an obvious error.

      Reply

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