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Thursday Funnies on Saturday

November 26, 2022 By Mike Rinder 20 Comments

 

 

What Does It Take?

A LOT more than 20 people posing for a photo…

It’s why you are still not done 20 years into this program.

 

Listen to Mr. Alistair Bennet

And he knows? Because he has a Sea Org belt on?

 

A Fundamental M/U

Black Friday is supposed to be where you offer big discounts…

 

Inspiration?

More like desperation to get anyone to attend…

 

The Chan Man Cometh

All the way to Melbourne? Wonder who is paying for this?

 

Thanksgiving Potluck?

I thought it was supposed to be a turkey dinner?

Of course, scientology never allocates money for something like that. It’s got to be spent on sending out more mailings because that’s what Ron says makes GI.

 

Yeah, right

That wasn’t on the list she published last week which indicated all the other areas with lowered crime that DIDN’T get WTH booklets…

 

Give us your money…

You don’t want the staff not being paid at XMas do you?

 

This is not a recruitment or fundraising event…

Unless they say that, NOBODY will show up.

 

The Flag History “webinar”…

What could be more interesting than this?

Almost anything.

 

 

This was a HUGE success!

Next time, I suggest a MUCH smaller room so as not to highlight the fact only 18 people attended

 

The history of freedom

As told by those who promise it but deliver the opposite

 

A gift from LRH?

Is she serious?

Jean Dale “Come into present time!”

 

Kiddie Corner

 

OT, football and pure theta…

Nothing like a good football match to make you OT. And if they win, it will be due to their positive, OT postulates.

(BTW, perhaps someone can explain what this actually says, because according to google translate, this is a “marathon of hate.”

 

Oh, what a waste of life…

 

You can be a scientologist Jew…

Just as long as you cross your fingers when you say it.

But the real question is “Why?”

I bet they’re not celebrating March 13th down at the synagogue.

 

Love to be a fly on the wall for this….

And may be the only attendee.

 

Chicago is going to break the Dianetics bookselling record.

It will be “highest ever” and also “highest in 10 years.”

 

 

Potluck Thanksgiving is a thing in scientology

 

You paid $3,200 for that?

Must have bought it from another scientologist who told you they paid $4,000 for it….

 

The US Government is subsidizing scientology

They shout this from the rooftops every year. It’s a different story in court: “The government has NO PLACE in religion…”

 

Doing “this”?

Staying quiet?

 

An “encore” graduation

I guess they have no graduates yet again….

 

The Ideal Org Fundraising Officer Canada

What a shitty job

 

Class VIII Reunion?

Attendance: 0

There are no longer any Class VIII’s in scientology. There is no “GAT” Class VIII course, so nobody has a valid Class VIII Cert. Period.

 

At least 10 good reactions…

This is a really low bar. They handed out 1200 anti drug booklets (no mention of scientology) and got less than 1 in 100 people to respond.

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Filed Under: Funnies Tagged With: Alistair Bennet, Chanukah, Chicago org, Columbus Org, Dublin Org, Evan Duffy, Evelyn Bueno, Foothills Mission, Guy Tourville, Janeece Custer, Jean Dale Glass, Jennifer Pantermuehl, Jim Wavell, Kiddie Corner, Lydia Hopwood, Michael Chan, Pat Stojak, Phil Cantwell, silicon valley, Tanii Carr, valley org, Zurich

Comments

  1. RightReade says

    November 30, 2022 at 7:19 am

    Reading through all the notices and invites, I was overcome with the absolute futility and lunacy of $cientology’s plan to clear the planet. So many delusional $cientologists, wasting the times of their lives, for nothing.

    Reply
  2. Elizabeth says

    November 28, 2022 at 12:13 pm

    You can buy a rocking chair at Cracker Barrel for $189. Wow.

    Reply
  3. ChaoZz says

    November 27, 2022 at 10:26 pm

    ‘Hateo’ is a very old word that basically means to give money / food to a priest or church. So basically they are saying fundraising but without using the actual word for it in Spanish. Google has translated it as ‘Marathon of Hate’ as it is a very old world that is almost never used in Spanish but we have taken the english word ‘hate’ to make it a spanish verb ‘hateo’ which means to hate, specially in an online context.

    Hope that helps!

    Reply
    • Mike Rinder says

      November 27, 2022 at 10:28 pm

      Thanks for clarifying

      Reply
  4. PeaceMaker says

    November 27, 2022 at 9:27 am

    What do “opening soon” and “really happening” mean when a building has been sitting for 2 or 3 years already finished? I’ve even read that about 2 years ago they uncovered the Chicago building’s signs and had all the lights on and doors open – but covered everything back up and shut it down completely again.

    Maybe when they’re on a trillion-year “time track” a few years or decades – like with the Super Power building – don’t matter. It still just seems like another falsehood, or outright lie, though.

    Unless they’ve changed how they do things, I assume that now they will at least have to wait until spring when the weather is good enough to at least have the “ribbon yanking” in front of the biggest crowd they can assemble outdoors. Getting together more than a few people in the midwest, where scientologists seem to be few and far between, maybe even more so after losses in recent years, could be another hitch.

    Reply
  5. Fred G. Haseney says

    November 27, 2022 at 8:40 am

    Re: A gift from LRH?

    Winter Wonderland on Hollywood Blvd. received this year’s Christmas tree as an attachment to L. Ron Hubbard’s “Christmas 2022 Greetings” telex from Target 2.

    Reply
  6. xTeamXenu75to03chuckbeatty says

    November 27, 2022 at 8:19 am

    THREE questions to close down a “Stress Test” table of Scientologists:

    a) “Is it true Xenu (pronounced ZEE NEW) caused the Wall of Fire?”

    b) “Is it true Xenu dumped zillions of body-thetans (pronounced BODY THAY TONS) onto earth and these body-thetans infest all humans today?”

    c) “Is it true that upper Scientology on the OT 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7 levels, Scientologists do years of continuous exorcism to remove Xenu’s “body-thetans” off their bodies?”

    Just persistently get other people to ask the Stress Test team of Scientology volunteers, these above questions, and the Scientologist team will voluntarily leave off doing their Stress Test activities.

    Try it! Xenu and “body-thetans” discussion in even general neutral sensible question form, will make Scientologist volunteers scarce if you wish them to be scarce.

    Average citizens can do their parts to make Scientology even scarcer.

    Chuck Beatty
    x Team Xenu 75 to 03

    Reply
    • Fred G. Haseney says

      November 27, 2022 at 9:02 pm

      This is true. I did what Chuck suggests and it worked. I quoted verbatim Oat Tea 3 material to a Sea Org Security Guard at PAC Base in Los Angeles. I even videotaped it. He appeared to be melting before my very eyes. Needless to say, I made my point very quickly.

      Reply
      • xTeamXenu75to03chuckbeatty says

        November 28, 2022 at 6:29 am

        You could add, if you understand all this about chatting OT 3 Xenu and body-thetans theory with “lower level” SCientologists, that you might be making them “sick” etc, DON’T worry, you can always add another precaution “canceller” question:

        …….

        d) “Is is true that NO Scientologists suffer any mental or spiritual damage from learning their supposedly secret Xenu and body-thetans theory, and NO Scientologists have suffered from accidentally learning the Xenu OT 3 theory? I mean, all you are learning is Xenu caused the Wall of Fire ,and what’s so bad about learning that? What’s so bad about learning Xenu dumped invisible messed up surplus souls onto earth, and these surplus souls infest all humans, and only OT 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7 exorcism of Scientology’s secret upper levels, which is exorcism by the way per normal outside public’s understanding of it, that this does NO one harm, and you guys really are censoring yourselves from even understanding overall what your subject is even doing? If no one gets sick learning the secret theory, what is the harm? You at least understand what all the secret upper levels are about, which is exorcism of Xenu’s dumping of body-thetans onto earth. And these body-thetans were all implanted by Xenu with the R6 implants, and supposedly all this “case” in the minds of these surplus souls supposedly leaks into everyone’s mind, and thus that is why OT 3, 4,5, 6 and 7 exorcism secret steps are needed, to just remove the body-thetans and thus remove any negative influence of the R6 implanting also in those body-thetans so it no longer harms you?”

        Long winded, but if you get the theory, you can vary the questions, just be sure to talk the words Xenu and body-thetans and tie the body-thetans to OT 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7 exorcism steps and that is just the biggest spoiler alert and helpful overview of all of upper Scientology. You are doing the Scientologists a favor by telling them what their “religion” is supposedly spiritually doing, you are in effect doing “Crashing Misunderstood Finding” on them, which is a Hubbard procedure that is supposed to help Scientologists.

        You are in effect helping them understand their “religion” if you tell them, neutrally, their secret beliefs.

        Chuck Beatty
        x Team Xenu 75 to 03

        Reply
        • Fred Haseney says

          December 13, 2022 at 4:23 pm

          Hi, Chuck

          L. Ron Hubbard brilliantly identified all of mankind’s “ills” and, in doing so, became mankind’s savior, through the collected works of dianetics and scientology.

          Because the only way out (if you believe it) is through The Bridge to Total Freedom.

          With the OT Levels, Hubbard created a “mystery sandwich,” making the journey to “freedom” secret while at the same time making those steps so expensive.

          Yes, dear scientologist and anyone who has not yet fallen for their scam/con: Xenu and body-thetans await you on OT 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7.

          Reply
  7. Imaberrated says

    November 26, 2022 at 7:57 pm

    Ex-ANZO here. Brisbane was always one of the shittiest, lowest-stat orgs. In that photo, it looks like a couple of drag queens. What’s that about?

    I can’t believe that Alistair Bennett is still in. F me, he was hard to recognise in that photo. He always had a kind of vibrating, psychotic energy. It’s sad to see him, still trapped. I wonder how he escaped Adelaide Foundation? Poor bastard got trapped as the ED once.

    Reply
  8. Todd Cray says

    November 26, 2022 at 5:10 pm

    Sez the Foothills Mission: “Our goal is to help fill the Mission with both new people and scientologists, through various activities”

    Their “various activities” are readily visible on Craigslist. They offer seminars on a variety of self-help topics such as marriage (too bad that hubbard, miscavige and cruise can’t be used as case studies). What these offerings have in common is that they all studiously avoid mention of dianutics and scientology. Of course, this is not a Foothills invention. It’s standard operating procedure.

    As an aside, it’s an inadvertent but telling admission when they’re mentioning the struggle it takes to fill their facility not just with what is so charmingly referred to as “fresh meat” but even with the already fooled, scientologists themselves.

    Imagine a brand like Apple, Mercedes or Coke being reduced to having to sneak their products to market with the company logo covered up!

    Reply
  9. Kimo says

    November 26, 2022 at 4:22 pm

    I assuming that “Flag D of P” doesn’t mean Director of Photography. Because using a near-fisheye lens to showcase a TIIIIINY little group of people in a HUUUUGE grand ballroom is a truly inspired way to admit you have nobody coming to your events.

    Even a non-OT knows that wide angles exaggerate distances and long lenses flatten them. Maybe there wasn’t enough clay exercises in how to select camera gear. Or the MU was “optics,” which with the whole cult is already MU enough.

    That photographer will probably be sent to RPF for decades.

    I wonder who does the macro photography for Davey’s portraits? Electron microscope, maybe?

    Reply
  10. PeaceMaker says

    November 26, 2022 at 3:32 pm

    Those 20 people would have 2,500 sq ft each in an ‘ideal’ org building of 50,000 square feet. That’s probably more space than any of them have individually where they live. No wonder they’re having trouble scaping together the money for a building so oversized for a small and shrinking group.

    Reply
  11. JanSey8 says

    November 26, 2022 at 1:22 pm

    My favorite in all of these is Silicon Valley’s Thanksgiving on Thursday 11/24! Ha! Silicon Valley is showing off the old AI tech adage “Garbage In Garbage Out” GIGO.

    Reply
    • Bryon Eckert says

      November 27, 2022 at 7:02 am

      Every event is either a reg event or recruiting event. Going to the luncheon is free, but you need to pay to leave. Why do they say “All are welcome”? We all know declared SPs are not welcome.

      Reply
  12. Miss Dutch says

    November 26, 2022 at 12:37 pm

    Funny. My church in Central Ohio had a Thanksgiving potluck for those who didn’t have family (or much family) to host or go to. The church supplied the basics; turkey, ham, mashed potatoes, regular green beans, rolls, coffee, water, wine, and hot apple cider. Everyone else was supposed to bring a side dish of their choice (of course someone made green bean casserole!). Guess what? Didn’t cost a penny! What am I thankful for? That I belong to a church that DOES ask for donations but doesn’t REQUIRE fees for every little thing. A church that actually gives back to it’s parishioners!

    Reply
  13. otherles says

    November 26, 2022 at 11:45 am

    I’m trying to NOT shake my head off.

    Reply
  14. Ed Cadena says

    November 26, 2022 at 11:37 am

    Is Mr. Marco Macias delusion of freedom speech?
    How? if he is still in?
    Where is Irma?

    Reply
    • Anonyblaster says

      November 27, 2022 at 1:15 am

      Where is Irma?

      The bigger question is: Where is Shelley?

      Reply

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