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Thursday Funnies Saturday Edition

April 11, 2015 By Mike Rinder 107 Comments

maxresdefault

A day or two delayed but better late than never. Especially when there is a new Regraded Being cartoon.

 

Truth

Well, in truth, most scientologists CANNOT stand the truth. See Regraded Being this week at the end of the post.

TRUTH

Seriously, a lecture about FAC One?

What’s next, a seminar on Incident Two?

 

Winning?

Ruroh. The video team is going to be there… Where are they going to find anyone to put in the videos? They are so out in the boonies it needs a Lewis and Clark style expedition to find them. Nice floors though. And neat furnishings….

It’s always about to happen in Canada (and everywhere)…

WINNING

 

Twin Cities Graduation

Another booming ideal org that is all excited because an old timer finished a Purif retread.

TC GRAD

 

 

The Best on the Planet

At what?

Certainly not producing promo. Blurry images of people in a hallway? Huh?

FWT

 

 

Celebrity guest speaker

Seems to be the new trend. No name celebrities. Bit of an oxymoron.

OT

 

 

Accomplish anything…

How about some expansion?

Ideal Orgs?

Guess all those people from Miscavige on down are lacking the basics…

INDOCS

 

 

Running Pgm

Give them dinner and they will come… Who REALLY wants to hear more of the same old tripe that has been said 1000X before. “Now I am at cause.”  But I cannot tell you what I did because it is confidential. But it is really an “OT Rundown” (and I am embarrassed to say all I did was run around a pole).

RUN PGM

 

 

Spring

What happened to Valley finishing by Xmas. Then New Year? Then March 13? Then the extended “LRH Birthday” to the end of March?

SPRING - Copy

 

Freewinds

Seriously, the Freewinds should just all deliver seminars to one and another and when they are done they can see if they keep the ship afloat. If they can prove they have some competence they might then attract people to come and hear them explain how to run their lives.

FWINDS

 

Pasadena

It’s not about the money. Really.

PASA2

 

Pasadena’s Heroes

Money trumps a Class XII C/S. The true priorities of scientology.

PASA1

 

 

Art

Gobbledygook copywriting. They could do with some art.

Art_bulk_email.indd

 

 

Good News — not really

Another from the “ideal” org in Twin Cities (See above).

Their Easter celebration appears to be 4 children looking for eggs amongst the empty Div 6 videos and an old timer routing onto his Objectives.

Sad really. That $15 million could have been spent on much more helpful things than buying this empty building and sinking a fortune into it for custom furnishings.

Screenshot (199)

 

 

Relationships Lecture

Everything you need to know is contained in one sentence. “Don’t ask questions so you don’t get declared and your family isn’t forced to disconnect from you.”

RELATNS

 

 

The Four Wrong Ways To Build An Ideal Org…

One of the stranger (and more conservative) emails to come out of the church in a long time.

Dear friends,

In just a few days (five to be exact), we’ll be presenting an interesting event here at the Battle Creek org.  At this event, we will cover the five ways to build an Ideal Org– with special attention given to the one that actually works!  This presentation has been prepared by International Management.  They have the benefit of being exterior to all the orgs, and so they can easily see what actions have worked and what ones haven’t.

I’m counting on seeing you all there.  Come to the Battle Creek org on Saturday April 11th at 6pm.  Please call (269) 965-5203 to confirm your attendance.

Truly,
Xxxx

 

“GAK Call Centre”

Seriously?

Screenshot (195)

 

 

Regraded Being

The Elephant in the Room 01The Elephant in the Room 02The Elephant in the Room 03

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Filed Under: Funnies Tagged With: David Miscavige, Freewinds, fundraising, Going Clear, HBO, Ideal Orgs, Scientology

Comments

  1. Ann B Watson says

    April 13, 2015 at 8:26 am

    Hi Mike,Yesterday 4/12 I was driving Walter crazy because I kept saying it is someone’s b day but I don’t know who! Well, Happy Birthday & many, many more.I know I was thinking right around the date! Enjoy your week of disrelated activities.Take Care out there.ff Ann B Watson.

    Reply
  2. Newcomer says

    April 12, 2015 at 10:27 pm

    Today on Zerohedge this article was posted. I thought it apropos to our efforts regarding our favorite Cult:

    The full article is here: http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2015-04-12/truth-cure-cognitive-dissonance

    “Secrecy is the keystone to all tyranny. Not force, but secrecy and censorship. When any government or church for that matter, undertakes to say to its subjects, “This you may not read, this you must not know,” the end result is tyranny and oppression, no matter how holy the motives. Mighty little force is needed to control a man who has been hoodwinked in this fashion; contrariwise, no amount of force can control a free man, whose mind is free. No, not the rack nor the atomic bomb, not anything. You can’t conquer a free man; the most you can do is kill him.” – Robert A. Heinlein

    Submitted by Jim Quinn via The Burning Platform blog:

    It won’t take a majority to prevail. If we continue to set brush fires of truth, freedom and reason among the increasingly disillusioned masses, a tipping point will be reached and a revolution of truth will sweep across the land. So, if you have the opportunity to speak the truth to someone today….

    Reply
    • Raindog says

      April 13, 2015 at 8:02 am

      Terrific post Newcomer! +100

      Reply
  3. cathy from encino says

    April 12, 2015 at 6:03 pm

    No article today (yet). I hope all is well, Mike. Last time no article you broke some major news, so here’s hoping that’s the reason. Hope it appears before Game of Thrones tonight!

    Reply
    • Mike Rinder says

      April 12, 2015 at 6:20 pm

      Nope — just enjoying a birthday weekend. And a very busy week upcoming of disrelated activities, so things may be sporadic blogwise.

      Reply
      • hgc10 says

        April 12, 2015 at 11:01 pm

        Happy birthday. If you’re busy earning a living, then it’s a reasonable excuse for not posting every single day. Just don’t forget about us.

        Reply
      • outraged says

        April 13, 2015 at 12:22 am

        Happy Birthday Mr. Rinder!!
        May your next year around the sun be as fabuloso as the last.

        Reply
      • cathy from encino says

        April 13, 2015 at 2:45 am

        You’ve more than earned a relaxing day off, Mike. Happy birthday and thank you for all you do.

        Reply
      • Jens TINGLEFF says

        April 13, 2015 at 4:34 am

        Happy Birthday! Don’t get more busy than necessary

        Reply
  4. hgc10 says

    April 12, 2015 at 2:55 pm

    The Valley Ideal Org is an honest-to-xenu case of Zeno’s Paradox. They keep covering half the distance to their target, over and over and over again. But if you travel half the distance to a destination ad infinitum, you’ll never actually reach it. It’s easy to see why. Ideal Org fundraising has a purpose — bring in the dough. A finished Ideal Org serves what purpose? Truly, it’s all about the journey, not the destination.

    http://platonicrealms.com/encyclopedia/zenos-paradox-of-the-tortoise-and-achilles

    Reply
  5. edge says

    April 12, 2015 at 1:23 pm

    Is it just me, or is there less and less enthusiasm for the Valley project? There used to be games involving t-shirts and leather jackets and hard hats and bowling. Now, after over a decade and still not being anywhere near completion I sense a bit of resignation. I mean, if Bart and the Wilsons and Duggans can’t (or won’t) pony up the dough to finish this thing, who will?

    Reply
    • Raindog says

      April 12, 2015 at 5:51 pm

      It’s attrition Edge, the action or process of gradually reducing the strength or effectiveness of someone or something through sustained attack or pressure.

      There are no new guys, no fresh blood, just the same old beaten down workhorses, hearing the same whip crack, trying to pull that same old cart full of rocks up a hill. They are secretly praying at night for a savior/whale to rise from the mist, and the whales are praying at night for the IAS or church to lend a hand. The problem is there will be no new whales, no new workhorses, and the IAS and Cofs and DM don’t give a damn. I hope the workhorses realize it before they drop.

      Valley OTC Reread Animal Farm! Revolt Boxer! Napolean is DM and he is not your friend!

      http://3219a2.medialib.glogster.com/media/16/16de9e6629ddc2346c906e38836229dfed47bdb913b87f408f17bf36e4dbe698/3520849349-6e562b6818-jpg.jpg

      Reply
  6. Tara says

    April 12, 2015 at 10:06 am

    The “winning” guy sure does look like the “original” Bruce Jenner!

    Reply
  7. Old Surfer Dude says

    April 12, 2015 at 9:25 am

    Today, April 12, this story appeared in the Op-Ed section of the L.A. Times:

    “Scientology should not be tax-exempt” by Alex Gibney, of Going Clear fame.

    Thank you, Mr. Gibney, for your incredible documentary as well as your bravery. I for one, salute you, sir.

    Reply
    • Mike Rinder says

      April 12, 2015 at 1:08 pm

      I am with you OSD

      Reply
  8. Royal Jandreau says

    April 12, 2015 at 7:26 am

    Money trumps a Class XII C/S. About sums it up.

    Reply
  9. BlondesAreDumb says

    April 12, 2015 at 2:00 am

    Combination of works by the very talented Regraded Being and Mike’s astuteness, experience, and practical writing makes reading this blog not only educational but a pleasure! Something here for everyone.

    Reply
    • cotch says

      April 13, 2015 at 1:47 am

      Sir, on behalf of all blondes, I resent your handle!

      Reply
  10. thehandling says

    April 12, 2015 at 12:48 am

    hilarious, mr zzzz’s is that you rinder, asleep at the switch? lol

    i want to make spoofs of every freedom mag video…

    Reply
  11. Rick Mycroft says

    April 12, 2015 at 12:33 am

    I’m laughing at the idea of opening AOSH Canada. Even if they diverted all Canadian AO traffic to Mono, there wouldn’t be enough income to get that heap off the ground. Meanwhile that diversion would come straight out of Flag’s income–can you imagine the screaming over that?

    Reply
    • From83 says

      April 12, 2015 at 5:01 pm

      Your comment got me thinking. I believe this is Dave’s Strategy if he’s planned ahead at all. Though it looks more like he runs from emergency to emergency. Using the old what trick can we pull to get out of this week’s pickle. Anyway if he has a plan it is that the more Missions, Orgs, and AOs that are loosing money. The more donations he can get to keep them afloat. The more donations that are coming-in the more money he can skim off the top. Not to mention the donations for new buildings are also being skimmed. I really hope Scientology expands with new buildings 47x because it will quickly reach a tipping point where it will drain the church coffers with maintenance costs of all the old buildings. DM will mortgage all the property 2x to 3x it’s value and suddenly one day DOOM*!! Original Dianetics Foundation all over again! Bankrupt! Just like most Scientologists… These types of scams always reach a tipping point. If you’ve watched American Greed(great show BTW) you’ll know what exactly what am talking about. DM also will probably wait to long to exist. Because it really is his ideal scene at Int, he is just too comfy there.

      *He will have to keep the doors open because if people start to see that he is closing Orgs. Then he is in treason and the very least downstat. And per “ethics” policy if the church is downstat then DM is out-ethics. Therefor he must at all costs maintain the appearance of Vertical Stats. The public and/or SO could insist on kicking him out or RPF’ing him if they decided he was a downstat.

      Reply
  12. Suzy says

    April 12, 2015 at 12:23 am

    Yes totally looks like Bruce Jenner and the next flyer showing Don Brown looks like Robert Durst – just saying!

    Reply
  13. From83 says

    April 11, 2015 at 8:49 pm

    I’m glad to see the Jensen Family reunion at Pasadena!!! Maybe they could all get a collective clue-by-4 to the head and leave together!!! https://seccheck.wordpress.com/2015/04/10/jensen-family-reunion-at-sacramento-org/

    Reply
  14. Pepper says

    April 11, 2015 at 8:39 pm

    I could swear that the man in the “Winning” poster is Bruce Jenner from his Olympics gold medal win.

    Reply
  15. Tim- S says

    April 11, 2015 at 5:48 pm

    FAC-ONE DMs new Why? Come on in and get your New Updated FAC-ONE RD. Its the latest news in recovered lost tech.

    Reply
  16. Jose Chung says

    April 11, 2015 at 3:46 pm

    There have been many Elephants in the room.

    Like De Dinging with small ships Bells mounted in course rooms and Halls.
    When you talk about it and point at the elephant you are secretly declared an SP. and Fair Game
    in no particular order. Nothing in writing everything verbal and behind closed doors.
    Make jokes about the elephant and things get more covertly hostile.
    Leave the org on a standard leaving the org routing form because of elephant osis gone crazy
    to a higher org and the secret voluminous reports stream up lines
    how you murdered the elephant ( hugest of all crimes) Then people do really die
    from the forced secret entheta about you that’s spread around like free money.
    You get sec checked like you were an escaped Nazi concentration camp doctor
    for 100’s of hours FPRD style.
    .

    Reply
    • civmar says

      April 11, 2015 at 5:40 pm

      Jose, More info on de-dinging, please! Ship’s bells?
      I understood de-dinging to be a communication process where you tell your partner about some lousy part of your day then he interrupts you with something like “Oh wow, listen what happened to me!”
      Then after he talks for a while you do the same to him.

      Reply
      • cathy from encino says

        April 12, 2015 at 2:13 am

        Wasn’t that Kingsley Wimbush’s process at Stevens Creek (San Jose) that created so much flow ($$$), Miscavige declared it squirrel tech and declared Wimbush — at the start of Mission Madness Massacre in 1982?

        Here’s a description from a comment on Marty’s blog:

        Tom M | April 26, 2011 at 5:42 am | Reply
        Hi Scott!
        De-dinging was “based on” HCO PL Responsibilities of Leaders, just one sentence of “Flowing power to the true power.”

        So, for instance, in Stevens Creek and in San Francisco Mission you had bells throughout the org and even some in the courseroom. A “Ding” is a dent. Like my fender got dinged. A dent. So let’s say you are my junior and you are a reg. I tell you I want $1,000 GI by dinner from you. Dinner rolls around and I find out you didn’t get the GI in, only made $600. I ring my bell because you just “dinged me”. So then I bill you $50 for the “ding” and when you pay me the %50 I am “de-dinged”. However, because you missed your quota, I missed the quota the HES set for me and I owe the HES $65 dollars. So I “dinged” him. When I pay the $65 he is “de-dinged”. They actually rang bells. Even the supervisor had a little bell on his desk and he rang it when a student nodded off with 2nd phenomenon – never mind clearing up his MUs with superb sup tech!

        If students couldn’t afford the fines then they had to do laundry and so forth, for the staff. The guys at the top of the org board were raking it in.

        That was de-dinging.

        ML Tom

        Reply
      • Jose Chung says

        April 12, 2015 at 10:07 am

        Civmar,

        All Staff were made reg’s and hit you up for money constantly.
        If a Staff did not get a money target from public
        ( like Sue just got pad at her job and has$500.)Sue gets hit up for $500. if she
        refuses to give any money the Staff rings a nearby bell once. Sue is badgered until she gives in and hands over the money and the staff rings a Bell twice.
        All public in the org would hear the Bell rings ( hence De Dinging)and know the meanings of number of bell rings.The Bells were removed when the SF Mission holders conference busted the missions ,Financial police made raids on anything out tech. The bells were from Pavlov Russian Psychiatry. The money tech was repackaged as Golden Age of tech with no more Bells.

        Reply
      • Jose Chung says

        April 12, 2015 at 10:25 am

        civmar,

        The tech applied in the course room is just as you said but was a stop on Dianetics and anything LRH. Money income from De Dinging was 80 times more than all other Missions which was not lost on David Miscavige. Public went broke ,not Clear, if that sounds familiar.

        Reply
  17. Beryl says

    April 11, 2015 at 3:13 pm

    Even back in the seventies the company line was that “Ron’s therapy was rejected because the psych’s and medical doctors did not want him invading their turf–they were making a good living, and by allowing in a new therapy that would really handle people’s mental and physical ailments might mean they could no longer make a living. There might be some truth to that, but even so, that is all they had and at best their claim was greatly exaggerated. Scientology was always “the victim”, even though LRH had always said that one should never be “a victim”.

    Reply
    • Brian says

      April 11, 2015 at 5:55 pm

      Beryl, I was also there in the 70’s. I remember the Nuremberg Rally’s in Lebanon Hall in the big blue. It was also a war against “evile”/critics, not just a financial war.

      We all were sold that there was an evil force trying to destroy poor Ron and the entire of future of mankind.

      When people got to the OT 3 materials, that war against evil was then defined by Ron. It was life or death.
      Heber was the master at whipping us up into a fevered pitch that ended with a salute and hip hip to a big picture of Ron.

      There we all were, emotionally bonding with our group dynamic with a self righteous hate for SP’s/critics.

      I am so glad there are no pictures of me in those days. We were fighting a cosmic war as defined by the delusions and mental state of LRH.

      For the total agonizing future of mankind of course. We were saviors, we were warriors of light.

      I guess the question is: What have we learned from all this?

      Reply
      • Ann B Watson says

        April 12, 2015 at 10:34 am

        Hi Brian, love your post. What have we learned from this?For me saviors & warriors of light can turn on a dime & give one the other side.Where there is no light,& the light saber won’t turn on & all you thought were shining & good showed another face, I’m so glad for those of us who flat out quit Ron’s nightmare.So many rainbows to Quetin& Likky. Never forgotten.True thoughts to those still in the bubble.In Truth & Love Ann B Watson.

        Reply
      • Newcomer says

        April 12, 2015 at 10:59 am

        Hopefully that the only person holding the key to your own prison of beliefs is you. And that today is a new day, make of it what you will!

        Reply
  18. Valhalkarie says

    April 11, 2015 at 3:08 pm

    Haaaaaaa omg!!! The Olympic poster is..BRUCE JENNER dude!!!!!! Lols

    Reply
    • Valhalkarie says

      April 11, 2015 at 4:03 pm

      Oh and one of the Tom D. Smear videos from freedom mag, is mocking hard hats,didn’t they just invent hard hats as status perk in grubbing cash for construction in a Idead org? Like color coded and all???? Wow!

      Reply
  19. hgc10 says

    April 11, 2015 at 3:03 pm

    From Battle Creek: “At this event, we will cover the five ways to build an Ideal Org– with special attention given to the one that actually works! ”

    Pardon me if this is a stupid question. If only one of the five ways actually works, then why on Xenu’s green Teegeeack are they going to bother with covering the other four? It’s easy to proofread these communiques for grammatical correctness. But editing for common sense is way beyond their ken.

    Reply
  20. T.J. says

    April 11, 2015 at 2:15 pm

    The Cambridge poster immediately seemed familiar to me and I was going to ask “Did anyone else notice it looks exactly like Bruce Jenner?” …but then I read the comments and 5 other people posted the same thing, lol. I did a Google search on ‘Bruce Jenner Olympics’ and it was the first photo that came up.

    Love love love Regraded Being comic! I wish there was a site where we could view all of them in one place, like Dilbert. :p

    Reply
    • From83 says

      April 11, 2015 at 4:02 pm

      For those wishing to see them you can see I believe all of them using the following method!
      Goto: https://www.mikerindersblog.org/thursday-funnies-9/
      Then goto: https://www.mikerindersblog.org/thursday-funnies-10/
      Then goto: https://www.mikerindersblog.org/thursday-funnies-11/

      Just change the number in the address bar by 1.

      Also, Mike, I know it’s work but please make it easier to find the regraded being cartoon.
      I’d consider making a website for them myself if RegradedBeing is okay with it.

      Reply
      • Regraded Being says

        April 11, 2015 at 6:28 pm

        You are free to use them as you wish. They are actually intended for those still in to possibly get a glimpse of what’s behind the cloud of not-isness they continue to create. If you can in any way help reach that audience I will truely appreciate it. The rest of us can just keep saying “SHIT!!!! I actually used to think like that”!

        Reply
    • Valhalkarie says

      April 11, 2015 at 4:06 pm

      Lol I said the same,I didn’t see you wrote this already,I was so amused I rushed down here to say something. Finding the Waldo in scientology is literally my candy crush!!!

      Reply
  21. visitor says

    April 11, 2015 at 2:11 pm

    David Miscavige reacts to SNL & Going Clear:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzOxaYFpXnA

    Reply
  22. David J Mudkips says

    April 11, 2015 at 1:59 pm

    I’m curious to see how a London phone number (presumably the Queen Victoria Street Ideal Morgue) is going to connect anyone to Saint Hill…

    Regardless, I’m really loving TFs this week. RB is really finding his/her/their stride!

    Reply
  23. Good Old Boy says

    April 11, 2015 at 1:33 pm

    Wow! a Fac One event. Scientology S&M at last. Man oh man that is funny. Bring all your prospects to this for sure.

    Reply
    • Chris says

      April 12, 2015 at 4:48 pm

      What is Fac One? (never-in)

      Reply
      • I Yawnalot says

        April 12, 2015 at 7:17 pm

        You don’t want to know really. But since curiosity abounds in all us, it was the “first proven up, whole track implant” meaning by the use of emeter this implant registers in all minds.
        Of course many dispute the emeter, so it can’t be real hey? But that needle apparently does it’s “thing” concerning that particular incident = Facsimile One (facsimile is a mental image picture) but it was the first ONE discovered common to us all by Hubbard.
        The data on it isn’t that hard to find but you’re on your own playing around with that stuff, I suggest you don’t. As far as I’m aware it’s not directly addressed in scientology auditing anyway, it’s effect gets handled anyway with the general course of auditing.
        However, with that said, there is nothing original of Hubbard left after miscavige altered everything so that meeting to discuss Fac One would be a wild, woolly and squirrelly affair – they have no idea what they are doing in the Cof$ and shit that like proves just how squirrel and nutty they have become.

        Reply
        • Roger Hornaday says

          April 12, 2015 at 10:21 pm

          You make Fac One sound so awesome! But all you have to do is look at it and you can see it’s just an inert idea because ALL thought forms are inert. It may represent some ultra big past-life experience but honestly, whatever experience it refers to, it can’t be half as horrifying as my first day in the first grade.

          Reply
      • I Yawnalot says

        April 13, 2015 at 7:40 am

        Awesome is a term I’d use in fooling around with that type of stuff. Without recorded scientology you’d never know anything about it anyway. Probably why Hubbard insisted on things like that be addressed with standard procedures.
        You may laugh and jokingly degrade the technology so devised but it takes a lot of discipline to do address it properly. Those that know better with the assistance of Mr Google either drop it all very quickly after they attempt to apply it to themselves or end up pretty whacky in doing so, that’s my observation.
        If you want to know how to “look” at scientology data go look at the auditing correction lists, especially the first 3 questions. They address the reasons you need to address & repair errors when auditing of the mind after something goes wrong. The ‘truth’ contained within the mind is protected from discovery by a ring of phenomena. The first being Out-Interiorisation, then Out-List, then Out-Rudiments. Study what they are and how to solve them and you’ll know why a certain discipline is required in addressing what auditing is all about.
        But of course, there’s always the instant way out – it’s all crap anyway but
        delve right in there and amuse yourself – I’m just one of those people who bought into a sham anyway, what would I possibly know?

        Reply
      • I Yawnalot says

        April 13, 2015 at 7:44 am

        Meant to type – awesome isn’t a term I’d use…

        Reply
      • Brian says

        April 13, 2015 at 10:53 am

        Chris, Fac one is a SCi FI fantasy from the unnconscious mind of L Ron Hubbard.

        Because the needle goes blip, believing Scientologists, conditioned to believe in Ron and his “science”, start searching in their own unconscious mind and start “running” imagination as truth.

        The needle on the meter guides them.

        L Ron Hubbard was actually trying to kill himself when running solo auditing.

        Sciwntologists will tell you it’s the road to freedom.

        If it was the road to freedom, why was L Ron Hubbard seeking suicide while running what the e meter says is truth?

        Reply
      • Brian says

        April 13, 2015 at 11:00 am

        Chris, the man who says he “knows” all (Ron) about our past and can help us with Star Trek like stories to free mankind.

        But the man who says he found the truth and can free all people was found with a psychiatric drug, long unkept nails and screaming at BTs when he was at the end of his life.

        He was actually asking people to go searching for BTs on some ranch. That is in Marty’s last book.

        This is the man who people are saying found Fac One as “common” to all people.

        Faith, mixed with belief in Ron and in meter reactions = believing in fairy tales.

        Reply
      • Brian says

        April 13, 2015 at 11:28 am

        If L Ron Hubbard told his followers that a gigantic cauliflower ate the universe and that was the source of all of our troubles, the needle would most definitley read.

        If it did not, there would be another rundown that would explain that the occlusion of the incident is so strong in some people that they first need the
        “Suppresive Vegetable” rundown to get them ready.

        And because a pc is seeing all of these success stories about how the Suppressive Vegetable rundown has helped other OTs, this predisposes the mind to receive this rundown as truth.

        It is all a manipulation of the imagination to a=a=a mental mass or energy with Ron’s stories.

        Once a person’s mind has made the connection between Ron’s personal problems projected as Scientology’s confidential materials and his own mind and thoughts – a distorted and false cosmology and world view becomes extremely difficult to resolve.

        Then Ron becomes the “only one” to ever have “discovered” this information.
        He then becomes unique and indefensible to Scientologists as the only being to have ever found the “truth.”

        If you trust that the man who discovered this stuff and was seeking suicide to rid his body of space aliens, is telling the truth, then by all means do the OT levels. But realize you will be scrutinized every day and all days with questions and reasonable doubt,

        Freedom of religion baby.

        Reply
      • Brian says

        April 13, 2015 at 12:23 pm

        Chris, here is Fac One. This is what the hubbub is all about.

        http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incident_(Scientology)

        Reply
  24. Bruce says

    April 11, 2015 at 1:10 pm

    The “Winning” poster – shamelessly rips off the Wheaties iconic image of Bruce Jenner back in the Olympics —haven’t Scientologists been following the story of Jenner, who is now “transitioning to a woman” in a sex change? I dont know where that would rate on the CO$ Tone Scale, but if they were aware, maybe they would not use an image that evokes Jenner….

    Reply
  25. John Locke says

    April 11, 2015 at 12:53 pm

    Regarding the Cambridge org poster. That guy is Bruce Jenner. Same image used on the Wheaties box. CLEARLY stolen image that has a LOT royalties attached to it.

    Reply
  26. Gerhard Waterkamp says

    April 11, 2015 at 12:29 pm

    Great opinion piece in the LA Times

    http://www.latimes.com/opinion/op-ed/la-oe-0412-gibney-scientology-20150412-story.html#page=1

    Reply
    • McCarran says

      April 12, 2015 at 10:09 am

      Love this piece and the fact that Alex Gibney didn’t just pack up his cameras and move on with this next documentary.

      Reply
  27. Valerie says

    April 11, 2015 at 12:24 pm

    Lots of funny stuff in the funnies today, the advertisement themselves are just an assault on the senses, almost impossible to read because of the horrific mix of fonts, graphics and colors. The more is better school of advertising went away umm well, I think before it ever began….

    But, the one that made me laugh the most (Regraded aside) was the one about being stuck financially. There is a solution to that – a simple one. Just escape and quit fibing away all your money to the hopeless cause that is begging for it.

    As for Regraded: my friend is working on a huge project, she calls it eating an elephant. Although they are ignoring the elephant in the room, the elephant is still there. The elephant that is the film “Going Clear” will remain in the room. The dung heap continues to build. As the stink grows, people will either leave the room or will be forced to acknowledge the elephant.

    I wonder if elephants about films that discuss the basics of scientology, like unpaid bills, get bigger if they are ignored?

    Reply
  28. McCarran says

    April 11, 2015 at 12:20 pm

    Had me laughing out loud again, Regraded Being. Good therapy.

    Mike, your comments ahead of each promo are so great. I especially liked the one next to Relationship Lecture:
    “Everything you need to know is contained in one sentence. ‘Don’t ask questions so you don’t get declared and your family isn’t forced to disconnect from you.'” Bullseye for the most vile group on the planet in breaking apart loving families.

    Reply
  29. Chee Chalker says

    April 11, 2015 at 11:55 am

    “The 5 Laws to Unleashing Abundance”:
    1. Don’t get on this boat
    2-5. See #1

    Reply
  30. SILVIA says

    April 11, 2015 at 10:52 am

    The AOLA/Pasadena event give the when and what time but, oh gosh, they forgot to print where. Will it be at Pasadena? At AOLA? plus the name of their Lead C/S is misspelled.

    Now, if their religious scripture is rigidly followed they could pull “in the presence of mistakes there is an SP”

    Look, their minds won’t even have to work hard at it – errors in promo are caused by the SPs on the fringes of the internet, apostates all.

    After all, any scientologist’s error/mistake has nothing to do with him – it would be always someone else’s suppress.

    That leaves me wondering about this: Cause over Life?

    Reply
  31. DollarMorgue says

    April 11, 2015 at 10:13 am

    Regraded Being for OTC President! The elephant is the OTC’s new mascot.

    Anyone gone clear [on their accounts] yet?

    My 2 rules for happy living – as a scientologist:

    1) Hear, see and speak no evil
    2) Don’t ever pretend to myself that scientologists are my friends. They are scientology’s friends, which is how things should be.

    Reply
  32. flyonthewall says

    April 11, 2015 at 10:12 am

    Thank you Mike and Regraded Being

    Reply
  33. underbocky says

    April 11, 2015 at 10:10 am

    hey dave, why didnt you use “tone 40 intention” on going clear?

    Reply
  34. Ann B Watson says

    April 11, 2015 at 9:43 am

    Hi Mike & all,Thank you for the laughs I enjoyed having @ Thursday Funnies.Regarded Being is superb!One comment though, the photos & promo work on their fliers pathetic!I’m certainly an old timer but I’m not yet wound up with a key to celebrate my purif completion.Thank you! Some of the photos are just creepy.Love y’all.ff Ann B Watson.

    Reply
  35. Nickname says

    April 11, 2015 at 9:39 am

    “Learn how to resolve tiredness, exhaustion, and hopelessness.”

    Tiredness of fundraising and big events
    Exhaustion of resources, physical, mental, financial, and spiritual.
    Hopelessness about EVER getting up the Bridge.

    Pack your toothbrush and walk.

    *******

    How to build better relationships and mutual understanding. Yessir. A la Tommy Davis. And LAX Jenny. And representing a client who may have a black heart. And YSCOHB. And winning a war against the IRS. And making friends with Monique Rathbun through the nationally-known “Serenading Squirrel Busters Head-Cam Mariachi Band.”

    *******

    The one about the ways to build in Ideal Org given by those exterior to the Ideal Org scene is being hosted by Dani Lemberger in Israel.

    Reply
  36. Old Surfer Dude says

    April 11, 2015 at 9:28 am

    Did anyone else notice that on the “Winning Event” poster they used the image of Bruce Jenner? I believe he won the triathlon back in ’84. Don’t think they can use his image without his approval. But, that never stopped them before…

    Reply
    • Chee Chalker says

      April 11, 2015 at 11:51 am

      You are 100% correct OSD….that is Bruce. And we all know Kris Kardashian Jenner is all about the money. She’s not going to let anyone get away using her client’s (her ex-husband’s) picture for free……..and would the Co$ approve of Bruce’s upcoming ‘change’? Would he really be their poster boy for an ‘ Ideal’ athlete?

      Reply
    • Valerie says

      April 11, 2015 at 12:13 pm

      OSD,

      I spewed coffee at the image of Bruce Jenner on their flyer. Besides the unauthorized use of his image (googling how to report it now), I wonder if any ostrich in RCS understands that the dude looks like a woman because he is becoming one. That was a poor theft of copyrighted images on so many levels.

      Reply
    • cre8tivewmn says

      April 11, 2015 at 1:40 pm

      His biggest athletic achievement was the Olympic decathlon gold medal . 1976.

      Reply
  37. Roger Hornaday says

    April 11, 2015 at 9:10 am

    Once again Regraded Being proves that the truth doesn’t hurt, it’s hilarious! But of course you have to be on the right side of it. I especially liked the promo: “Accomplish anything WITH TONE 40 INTENTION” where “no barrier or stop is possible” and where you can “direct people and objects by intention alone”. Such bodacious claims in the prior century evoked some promise but today those claims are nostalgic noir that evoke embarrassment if they evoke anything at all.

    Reply
  38. chrismann9 says

    April 11, 2015 at 8:36 am

    Status Review sessions are good. Sometimes a person can have overts and out ethics situations (like not donating) that prevent them from donating. Clearing these up really opens up ones flows.

    Reply
    • chrismann9 says

      April 11, 2015 at 3:02 pm

      This was a joke. Although people did think this when I was in and I assume it’s 10X worse now. The idea that if you don’t donate, or don’t dtonate enough that you are out ethics and need to be handled.

      The IAS reg shows up at your house at 8pm on a wed night uninvited and works on you for hours until you agree to donate $10,000. Fine. Except they KNOW you could have, or should be able to donate $50,000 because you have a business and you’ve donated more than 10 before. So they write a KR on you for not fully supporting the IAS. This is for your own good so you can get “handled” and whatever out ethics situation, enemy line etc that you have going on can get cleared up. The EP is that your flows open up and money flows out of your bank acct to the IAS.

      Reply
      • Cat Daddy says

        April 12, 2015 at 7:03 am

        I’m gonna cheer you up with this elevating 2014 video.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIUlr9ii2dQ

        Reply
      • chrismann9 says

        April 12, 2015 at 4:15 pm

        That did get me psyched up to do my GATII training. Thanks Cat Daddy.

        Reply
      • chrismann9 says

        April 12, 2015 at 4:17 pm

        This was my org. Can you feel the excitement? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PF3wZUWw-Lw

        Reply
  39. Bravebloggers says

    April 11, 2015 at 8:08 am

    Anyone else notice on the Canada winning poster that the art depicting a man holding his hands up looks exactly like a certain former Olympian who has been in the news/tabloids lately due to his divorce and subsequent life change choices? It seems an odd choice based on the CoS beliefs.

    Of course, I could be completely wrong and it may just be a coincidence.

    Reply
    • Your Name Here says

      April 11, 2015 at 9:02 am

      Yes, Bravebloggers, noticed it immediately. It is an iconic shot of a great athlete, regardless of gender. But, I must agree odd choice at the moment, considering the current immense public hoopla.

      Reply
      • Bravebloggers says

        April 11, 2015 at 11:33 am

        Exactly!

        Reply
    • Kittery says

      April 11, 2015 at 9:29 am

      Lol, you’re not wrong at all, Bravebloggers! Just google “bruce jenner crossing finish line” in google images, and it comes right up. Sheesh, these people will just steal anything, won’t they?

      Reply
    • The Dark Avenger says

      April 11, 2015 at 10:06 am

      Yeah, they just did a trace and replace.

      http://cdn.bleacherreport.net/images_root/slides/photos/002/246/135/1623341_display_image.jpg?1337667016

      Reply
    • Peter M says

      April 11, 2015 at 10:48 am

      I noticed that too. It might be stock art they bought but it’s definitely based on a photo ofBruce Jenner
      http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/media/12079/Bruce-Jenner-celebrates-his-decathlon-victory-at-the-1976-Olympics?topicId=302577

      Reply
    • Simple says

      April 11, 2015 at 11:37 am

      I noticed it right away. My husband saw it with a quick glance. Hilarious.

      Reply
    • Aurora says

      April 11, 2015 at 12:37 pm

      I noticed that too; and earlier in the week some org, maybe in Africa, had used the image of Justin Timberlake in a tux to promote some event.

      Seems to me that real celebrities are very particular about how their image is used…not sure they would want to be affiliated with advertising a CoS event.

      Kind of ‘wrong-footed’ for an organization that purports to know so much about ‘celebrity’ as a cultural phenomena!

      Reply
    • Harmless Weirdo says

      April 11, 2015 at 2:12 pm

      Yes! I saw that and thought, “Oh, man–as if Bruce Jenner didn’t have enough problems already…”

      Reply
    • Erica A. says

      April 11, 2015 at 10:52 pm

      I thought the same thing. It seems like a VERY odd choice considering some of LRH’s comments. Bruce Jenner doesn’t need anymore crap. I thought the embarrassment of being tied in with the Kardashians was bad.

      Reply
      • Newcomer says

        April 12, 2015 at 10:41 am

        And now he gets tied in with a Cult on the premise of false advertising. The cherch just can’t help themselves.

        And in Japan, the whales are beaching themselves today. Can’t wait to see how it is done in ‘straight up and vertical’ land. Maybe Craig Jensen and Her Royal Highn Ass can show us some new tricks for the next Valley Ogre event.

        Reply
  40. Emilio says

    April 11, 2015 at 7:53 am

    The one from Pasadena is awesome…. “Stuck financially? We have the answers!!” LOL” The virus giving seminars on how to cure the disease….hilarious….

    Reply
    • Valerie says

      April 11, 2015 at 12:32 pm

      “The virus giving seminars on how to cure the disease” LOL.

      But strictly speaking, in medical terminology, you infect the patient with the virus to cure the disease. It would work IF that was what they were doing. The difference is that the virus gives back to the patient in an immunization. In this case, the virus (RCS) takes from the patient to pretend to cure their disease. Interesting to me is that they don’t advertise the price. I would be willing to bet it is NOT free.

      My bet is also that this seminar says “give us all your money because you can’t make more money if you hold on to what you’ve got.” It’s the scientology way.

      Reply
  41. thegman77 says

    April 11, 2015 at 7:51 am

    Tony-b, really funny comment. RB just seems to get funnier as the hits keep on coming.

    Reply
  42. WhiteStar says

    April 11, 2015 at 7:17 am

    revoking tax exemption is key. not just because it will hurt financially but also because they lose religious protection in a courtroom, just about every case scientology wins would have been a slam dunk loss without that protection. scientology would basically be narcanon without that.

    Reply
    • Jens TINGLEFF says

      April 13, 2015 at 4:22 am

      Two different things, if I understand US law correctly. And it’s narCONon if it’s the front for the criminal organisation known as the “church” of $cientology 😉

      Reply
  43. tony-b says

    April 11, 2015 at 5:45 am

    Lots of laughs here. Regraded Beingness’s cartoon of the org meeting was hilarious, I love the zzzzz guy at the door making sure nobody leaves the room. And i can almost smell the elephant Dumpo Grande status at the back of the room that everyone sees but ignores. Reminds me of the time a circus came to town when I was a young gardener. I took my wheelbarrow across the road to the field and eagerly obtained several loads of the elephants’ legacy droppings to add to my compost heap. Biggest leeks ever that year! “What’s your secret?” Aaha – I became a Patron Exageratious but didn’t have to pay more than a bit of sweat to reach it.

    Reply
  44. statpush says

    April 11, 2015 at 4:51 am

    Just curious…did the church purchase 1000 Fonts for $19.99?

    Reply
  45. Happy Chappie says

    April 11, 2015 at 3:59 am

    This is hilarious but, of course, the absolute truth.

    Scientology is mostly PR – say what you must to avoid trouble; keep your opinions to yourself; and smile, smile, smile….

    The truth is way too frightening….

    Reply
  46. scientology411 says

    April 11, 2015 at 3:41 am

    Nice work Mike and Regraded Being – you both hit one out of the park this week!

    Reply
  47. Jens TINGLEFF says

    April 11, 2015 at 3:19 am

    Love the expression in the eyes of the elephant.

    Just e-mailed a link to an article about the PIs in Wisconsin and closed with “From now on, only John Travolta will be able to say that he didn’t see anything (and anyone who has watched “Going Clear” will have a very good idea about why he can’t see nothing…)”

    Reply
  48. Rick Mycroft says

    April 11, 2015 at 2:52 am

    Cambridge on the 9th would have been clutch your hotdog while saying that it’s better than the winter deep-freeze weather.

    Reply
  49. cindy says

    April 11, 2015 at 2:25 am

    Great one Regraded Being. Nobody talks about the elephant in the room, that of Clearing.

    Reply
  50. Aquamarine says

    April 11, 2015 at 1:54 am

    Yes, there’s the elephant in the room, all right. And, “Patron Exageratorius”…still laughing, Regraded.

    Reply
    • Aquamarine says

      April 11, 2015 at 2:14 am

      Exactly how the OTC members and publics will handle GC and all the buzz it is generating.

      “Its not there. I doesn’t exist. Well, maybe it does, but its not up to us to handle it. If any handling is needed COB will take care of it. He’ll know just what to do about these SPs. If there’s anything we’re supposed to do to help we will be informed, otherwise, it shouldn’t even be discussed. Talking about it is entheta. Best to just ignore it. We’re not trained to handle heavy entheta like this, but COB is. To help COB, just keep quiet about it, carry on as usual, and wait for any possible instructions.

      Reply
      • Aquamarine says

        April 11, 2015 at 2:24 am

        And, please, if anyone thinks I’m wrong in any degree about this, don’t hold back, let me have it. I’d love to be wrong about this.

        Reply
      • chrismann9 says

        April 11, 2015 at 8:46 am

        It’s an attack by the SPs. Probably big pharma and the Sps in government. You obviously have heard of it, and have seen news segments on it. But it feels like you are spreading entheta or gossiping if you talk about it. If another scientologist mentions it, depending on where you are, you either walk away and pretend you didnt hear it, or you give what you think is the party line. If a non-scientologist asks, you brush it off as nothing and say something like what John Travolta said. But you cannot accept it as containing any actual data. It would be like accepting ISIS views on America. You just dismiss all of it as enemy propaganda.

        Reply
      • zemooo says

        April 11, 2015 at 1:49 pm

        Your comment on the handling of any ‘entheta’ from Going Clear is spot on. They’ll just use the Travolta defense and put their heads back into the sand. And there will probably be a nazi/jew comment to throw out the usual false equivalency.

        Reply
      • thegman77 says

        April 12, 2015 at 8:34 pm

        “We’re not trained to handle heavy entheta like this, but COB is.” Trained? COB is trained? Where? When? What courses did he do? First he flunked out of high school, then flunked out of the Briefing Course. (Of course he took his vengeance on the BC by destroying it.) I’ve been reading a fascinating book called “The Brain That Changes Itself” and I’ve begun to understand how the trap works and why even those who leave take so long to readjust to the real world.

        Reply
  51. nomnom says

    April 11, 2015 at 1:53 am

    Awesome Regraded being!
    Sometimes it’s also called ” the horse in the corner”.

    Reply
    • threefeetback says

      April 12, 2015 at 2:24 am

      Dave, the 30 pound gorilla, has been rotting in the corner for decades.

      Reply

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