Seriously Jeff, you are getting excited about this?
21 Super Power Completions (and remember, this is the “surge” of people who paid for this over the past 20 years in order to be first in line). At 20 per week (providing it stays at this artificially inflated level) it will take a year to complete 1000 people. 12 years to complete everyone in the Tampa Bay area and 10,000 years to complete all the Scientologists on earth.
Oh, wait a minute, these are just your phony numbers because if they were real you could not be excited about that as its like being excited about having invested in a pea shooter to fight a nuclear war. But still, even if there are really 25,000 scientologists on earth, its still going to take until 2039 to get them through Super Power (but the good news here is that the number won’t be getting any bigger…)
But even more telling, out of the millions of Scientologists on planet earth who have been waiting patiently for the release of the Running Program for 30 years — there are only 111 on it? This has to be a typo? 100 people? That’s it? And you are loudly announcing this as “good news”?
Does ANYTHING qualify as not quite good news? I know nothing would ever be bad news, because that is “entheta” and we don’t deal in entheta.
Jeff, come on. Is this really all you have to try and make it sound wonderful? No wonder there are no numbers on Dear Leader’s stat graphs.
But I CAN translate this into Shermanspeak.
Highest Ever Ever people completed Super Power last week and they are rolling off the assembly line like a well-oiled machine, the demand is unparalleled. Meanwhile, we have more people participating in the most OT of all rundowns, Cause Resurgence. They come from 5 continents and are experiencing life changing wins that are driving us relentlessly towards that long envisaged goal of a cleared planet. Bleh….
Date: Sun, 30 Mar 2014
From: Flag Office <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Subject: Good News from Flag!!
W/E 27 March 2014
21 Full Super Power Completions!!
33 Cause Resurgence Completions!!
9 OT VII Completions!!
27 Ls Completions!!
This past month we have attested 36 Clears!!
This past week we made a total of 26 OTs!! From the WUS area: Larry Price, Patty Cota and Mark Anderson!!
We currently have 111 Scientologists restoring their cause on the Cause Resurgence Rundown!!
Bring your friends, selectees and family into the Flag Office and we will help get them to Flag!!
Call Jeff Mintz (323) 953-3230
UPDATE: In light of this information and last night’s post about the desperation to get anyone to show up for the “OT Convention” in LA, you should take a look at this article on Plain Old Thetan’s site concerning the March 13 event (Tony O also linked to it). One thing about the reports OUTSIDE the bubble, they are pretty consistent 🙂
Jethro Bodine says
The Free-Thinking Scientologist Cause Resurgence Rundown goes like this:
1) Pick a direction heading outwards from Flag, the Mecca of Technical Alterations and Financial Extortions.
2) Start Running like Forest Gump being chase by bullies.
3) Don’t Stop Running and Don’t Look Back.
4) Eat well, sleep well, exercise and destimulate for about four weeks (more if needed)
5) Read all those websites you weren’t allowed to read.
6) Soon you will be free…
Jethero, I like it. The new and improved “PAB 6” for those brave enough to leave.
First off, Good morning from Germany. Second. For grins and chuckles, let’s run with the ‘millions’ of Scientologists dream number for a minute and calculate the birth rate in that group. Would the current level of announced “clears” (I am a proud Wog) even be enough to keep up with population growth within that amount? Now I’m aware there are only about 154 Scientologists left on the planet, so it’s moot, but it got me wondering. Also, when will that ONE ultra wealthy whale finally come to his/her/their senses and blow the lid off this conspiracy to defraud in the name of ‘religion’? I would have thought it would have happened by now. How many of you would be willing to call for an end to ALL religious tax exemptions for ALL churches if it meant we could rid ourselves of the public burden of helping to finance ALL the crazy religions (ALL. No exception for Methodists, Presbyterians, Catholics or Scientologists/Mormons. Scientologists mostly inflict pain on other Scientologists in one form or another. Catholics inflict pain on the entire continent of Africa by denying condom distribution (e.g.) The Mormons are funding bigotry right and left, and it’s highly illuminating to me that the number of Mormons participating in Bush’s torture program were legion. Just last night on Bill Mahr they had some cute Mormon girl defending Gitmo, even as it was explained that none of the remaining people there were even CHARGED with a crime, let alone proven terrorists! Anyway, that’s my rant for today. Religion poisons everything. Enjoy.
Interested Party says
I’m completely with you as far as you go but you’re ignoring the biggest, oldest and most successful cult ever to have existed – the belief in government as savior. Your faith in it is touching.
So… there is NO HOPE?
I don’t buy it.
I see some rather fabulous examples… LIVING, BREATHING examples.
MIKE RINDER is a fabulous example who comes to mind.
HOLMES (silent !)
(Yeah. HER, and all of her beautiful wisdom.)
And too many others to list here, but I thought it was fitting to go with THDNE as a shining example for now.
And do not get me started on the BRILLIANCE of JON ATACK.
Belief in government BY THE PEOPLE, FOR THE PEOPLE –when it is a true democracy– (which we clearly must work to uphold/re-assert)–is all we have in terms of a TRULY, POTENTIALLY RATIONAL and COMPASSIONATE way of life.
I know how hard it is to imagine this or even believe in the possibility anymore (thanks to the US SUPREME COURT in the UNITED CITIZENS opinion, and the more recent one just handed down–referring to the McCutcheon case. (See the DAILY NEWS if you don’t know about this important SCOTUS decision, particularly if you are a US citizen, because, guess what? This is BIG in terms of how you WILL BE GOVERNED. No longer can we truly say that A VOTE=A VOTE.)
But we can still fight, yes?
We can fight this!
And, in the meantime?
We can still do things on a local level; on a day to day level in our very own lives (that can matter a world of a lot more anyway.)
There is no utopia, no matter how we might wish for it.
But to abdicate all responsibility, and just replace religious nonsense with the potential for a real solution (or at least a real amelioration of our shared troubles) is just suicide en masse.
I am greatly soothed by the fact that there are REAL SCIENTISTS working hard, every day, to not only solve heretofore insolvable problems, but who are also working hard, every day, to help us all to understand the mystery of the MIND (with REAL SCIENCE which can be reviewed and discussed and altered over time, if necessary).
I haven’t read it in its entirely yet, but what I have read thus far is nothing less than FASCINATING.
(And it’s not some b.s. “Accept what I and my–MADE UP–research tell you.” NO. Here? You GET all of the research details, so you can actually understand every detail so long as you use your brain.
TRUST YOUR BRAIN again.
Is that so difficult??
No such thing as some random person passing or flunking you. It’s as REAL as the most basic and infallible MATH equation.
THIS is your LIFE.
THIS and THIS and THIS and THIS and THIS, etcetcetcetcetcetc.
EVERY PRECIOUS MOMENT.
You CAN’T ALWAYS GET what you WANT…
You CAN’T ALWAYS GET what you WANT…
You CAN’T ALWAYS GET what you WANT…
BUT if you TRY SOMETIME…
You just might find
You just might find…
YOU GET WHAT YOU NEED.
I hope we all get what we need (more than I hope we all get what we want).
UP with your “rant”!
With the tax revenue we could have at our use if there was no such beast as the religious exemption, we could actually afford to properly improve lives (e.g. with clean(er) energy sources; affordable organic produce; preventative/palliative healthcare/dental care, etc.)
Sadly, about half of the U.S. believes in the creation theory, and they are big on voting (and are extremely susceptible to fear-mongering). (And they just love them some “bacon on a stick”, now being sold at some Texas sports arena. Because paradox. SPORTS on the field; HEART ATTACKS in the stands.)
But there is some good news. It seems that the number of U.S. citizens who are openly identifying as agnostic and–gasp–even ATHEIST!–is steadily on the rise, so perhaps someday, before the rising sea levels swallow so many coastal cities and towns, we will reverse this absurd policy, and use the funds to install off-shore wind farms and solar panels on all new construction.
“You may say I’m a dreamer…
but I’m not the only one…”
Hallie Jane says
You”re not the only one WIS. I’ve been accused many times.
WIS, I get everything you’ve said and have no disagreements whatsoever. But what makes you believe that government will use these added funds for such sensible, pro-survival programs? Mind you, I would like to trust and believe that it would but experience denonstrates that government is bought and paid for by the vested interests who get them elected. Just saying.
I’ve got nothing against religion being exempt from taxes since the Bill of Rights guarantees Freedom of Religion.
Really I’ve got nothing against anyone’s right to any religious belief they chose including Atheism.
Though I do have a problem Atheists who believe in making America into a “Scientific” Theocracy of some kind.
Just as I’d have a problem with Protestants, Catholics, Moslems, Buddhist and yes Scientologists imposing some kind of state religion on anyone.
True I understand what you’re saying about this Mormon girl but unfortunately it isn’t just the Mormons who believe in violating the Geneva Accords by endorsing torture.
Last I looked Bill Mahr is one of its biggest cheer leaders as well and so was your friend Chris Hitchens until he was waterboaded himself and came to the realization that yes it was indeed *torture*.
Regarding IRC 501 Ciii.
Not being a big fan of the IRS would tend to put me in the state of mind that anyone who can get a Tax exemption deserves one including Atheists.
Funny you mention water boarding. It was a Mormon judge, Jay Baybee who concluded that water boarding isn’t torture. I don’t need to try it to KNOW it’s torture no matter how many anecdotal individuals you throw in the mix. We’d already a history of sentencing our enemies to DEATH over the practice. Maybe those Japs should have hired Mormon lawyers? I’m not even sure what a Scientific theocracy is, but it can’t be any worse than what we’ve been accustomed to accept. Sounds like a system based on honest and reproducible experimentation is a whole lot better place to be than the myriad mix of ‘enlightened prophets of God” who God has obviously been sending mixed messages to for so many centuries. Praise Zeus. Enjoy.
By “scientific” (note the quotes) Theocracy (since orthodox “science” in my opinion has itself become a religion) I could also mean Technocracy which Orwell and Huxley so ably described in their novels Nineteen Eighty Four (which is the original title of the unadulterated version) and Brave New World respectively.
Unlike the Mormons and the Unification Church which both seek political control of some kind the former by having their members acquire positions in CIA and other agencies and the latter by being a stalwart supporter of the Republican Party, Scientology originally had no political aims and according to our policies was supposed to be apolitical.
Unfortunately through the years under its new “leadership” (which I call the coup) it pretty much promotes the State Department’s lies and is now a big fan of the IRS to the extent that I believe that “Thou shalt pay taxes” has become a commandment for the public to obey.
As I alluded earlier I am a supporter of the separation of *Church and State* but I am unwilling to dismiss others religious beliefs (like the monotheistic Christens did in regard to paganism, pantheism and witchcraft) as mere “superstition”.
In my view this opinion is arrogant in the extreme.
The Oracle says
21 Super Power completions? We know Laurie Webster was one of them. Wonder who the others are?
Interested Party says
Not half, not three quarters, but 21 FULL Super Power completions!!!!!
Andrew Hinchman says
Hmmm….if the numbers were really this low, wouldn’t it just occur to the leaders of Scientology to lower the price. Therefore, they’re probably happy with who they have and how much they are paying.
Ronnie Bell says
….if the numbers were really this low, wouldn’t it just occur to the leaders of Scientology to lower the price.
It wouldn’t matter, Andrew. The RCS no longer delivers Scientology anyway, so what would be the point?
Michael Leonard Tilse says
A thing that struck me was “Our Man In Pac” saying that people at the event were openly not standing and clapping. The pavlovian ovations at each “applause” line was very tiresome, but it was one of those things you had to do so as to not be identified as a pod person.
That this concern for what the others in the audience thinks or that they might be KRed for not standing and applauding is evaporating is a strong indicator that the shell around the public scientologists has fractured.
It’s a real outpoint if you are looking for things that shouldn’t be. Looking to see if your hypnosis is still holding firm. It means that the public is seizing control over their own minds and bodies. And that is where the bubble bursts.
Michael – your use of the phrase “pod person” had me rolling up in laughter. In fact I am still laughing. And although it is a shame and all that, that those still in the Church we can very realistically refer to as “pod persons”, well, tough. So never mind them – that’s their “serious” problem. This.phrase was brilliant – still laughing! Still! Outstanding! Keep getting this picture of Donald Sutherland raising his arm and screeching at an IAS event when someone has “not donated the expected amount” of “failed to clap long enough”.
Typos: should be – “or” failed to clap long enough and “This phrase…”
Still laughing. In fact in honor of your most apt and witty use of the phrase I might even change my “name” from “Foolproof” to to “Non-Pod Person”. Or “Foolproof and non-pod person”! Really really well done! Still laughing.
In fact Mike I think you should start using and promoting this phrase broadly – it’s even better than “clubbed seals”.When people still “in” hear this then it hits their particular nail right on the head. I don’t think one could be more apt in describing them. For those that don’t know the phrase or have never seen the film it will create a mystery sandwich and they will google it and then find out what it means. And then maybe start to think about what and who they are supporting.
The film is called “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” (1978). “In San Francisco, a group of people discover the human race is being replaced one by one, with clones devoid of emotion” – that pay up and clap over-enthusiastically at IAS events without exhibiting any BIs or CI”
Jose Chung says
In D.M.s promo of public rushing to get on Super Power
Ahem, they are PAID ACTORS not Scientologist’s at all.
( selected by casting agency )
Hallie Jane says
I’m very sorry, I hate to be critical, but Mike, your Shermanspeak leaves a lot to be desired. I count only 3 superlatives, no moreovers and NO exclamations points. What the hell?~?~?~?~?~?!!!! Those home cooked meals and cute little children are messing with you. Perhaps you should redo purif and objectives to handle this.
Mike Rinder says
Sorry Hallie. I havent finished the Basics yet. I will wrap that up then save up to buy my Purif Uniform and get started pronto.
@J Swift I thought ole Cob had a hard time getting construction contractors as he was famous for not paying them. So after the Garcia’s lawsuit did Dm have to go out and hire and pay Real construction contractors?
Anyone else who may know please do tell??
J. Swift says
From world-famous celebrity Laurie Webster in 2002:
“With the world in such a state of degradation and dismay, the only hope to reverse the dwindling spiral on Earth is to speed the release of Super Power.
“As you know, the 12 Rundowns of Super Power were designed to handle the barriers to this planet’s Clearing. By releasing this technology, we will unleash the Super Power of every being who completes these rundowns and they will built the New Civilization so vitally needed.
“The rapid completion of the funding and construction of the new building, guarantees this Cleared Earth.”
Opened on 17 Nov 2013, the new edifice is a metaphor for David Miscavige: He began a grandiose project, consistently failed to accomplish the task, regged huge sums of money based upon outright lies and vague promises, and then he finally had to throw in the towel and hire very expensive wog professionals to complete the job.
“As you know, the 12 Rundowns of Super Power were designed to handle the barriers to this planet’s Clearing.”
So what Laurie was telling us, in effect, was that everyone who finishes all 12 rundowns and doesn’t do the SHSBC and joins staff is a flat ball bearing, since if it had been successful the person who completed wouldn’t have any barriers to Clearing people.
Oh, wait. Joe, Matt and Kurt Feschbach all did Super Power and rushed straight out to do Class VI, Class VIII and open their own missions.
The Oracle says
With the world in such a state of degradation and dismay? The lack of ARC she has for this world is very sad. This sounds narcissistic. She hasn’t been out the world for 20 plus years. Most of this planet is quite beautiful, and most of the people on it are very decent people that are not degraded. She is a full time beggar.
As an aside, you have excellent graphic headers Mr. Rinder. They always catch my eye, are very colorful, to the point, often funny and always spot on. A++
Perhaps a bit off topic but it applies to many still ins: “I learned from my mother that the highest forms of understanding we can achieve are laughter and human compassion.” – Richard P. Feynman
What? You mean the oiliness table and the run-around-a-pole thing isn’t drawing in the billions of card carrying Scientologists from all over the world? Say it isn’t so!!!
At the rate things are going, the $cientology emails will soon have more exclamation points than the “church” has course completions or active members.
You mean it doesn’t already ?
Yes, I’m wondering if we may soon CLEAR corporate Scientology. Don’t exes outnumber those currently in? Isn’t that number increasing?
Jose Chung says
The Schism gets wider.
The numbers don’t lie.
AS for FLAG Clears, how many are Advance Program retreads ?
( D.M. has a huge button on anyone who went Clear when LRH was on post)
Tony DePhillips says
I’d like to know how many of the “Clears” are re-do’s?
100 people on the running program out of the “millions of people” in Scientology equals an epic, epic fail!! Lol.
Gives a whole new meaning to the term rundown.
That’s funny. With tire tracks all across your back. (Stole that from Hendrix)
Just Me says
Laurie Dlm says
ah ah ah OMG!!!
“At 20 per week (providing it stays at this artificially inflated level) it will take a year to complete 1000 people.” Don’t they lose more than that each year?
God Hates Flag!!
I have to commend you once again, Mike, for your ability to confront this dreck day after day and then write sanely about it. How does one write sanity about insanity? Yet you continue to make some sort of sense out of all of it, pointing out the specifics of the insanity/inanity which flows from their emails and letters. We are all in your debt.
Must be a labor of love.
Dear Jeff – thanks so much for your very informative email! I am proposing the following CSW:
Situation: would love to do the cause resurgence rundown, aka the running program.
Data: I can’t go to Flag as it violates the terms of my parole (i.e. can’t leave the state)
Solution: allow me to do it at the Int base near Hemet. I heard Mike Rinder did it there and had some amazing results. Also, if I paid extra could I join Dave for lobster and Scotch at his pad?
This is okay!!!!!!
Yes Mike and the stats will keep going down. Lets assume 21 completions on SP Rundown since December, that totals about 5 per month. Really ? Now we can use exclamation marks !!!!!!!!!!
Unprecedented monumental flap. Thank you for reporting it Mike.
Cat Daddy says
That Image says it all
Great Post!!! Flag the mecca of…….. bla bla bla
Cooper J Kessel says
Truth in advertising requires a slight change up in our message:
“Bring your friends, selectees and family into Scientology and we will help ruin them financially, destroy any business opportunities that may exist and fully terminate any and all connections to your family. For a small additional fee we can also make sure that all your past friends will cease to have anything further to do with you.
Don’t forget to arrive a bit early to the event so you can get your security clearance taken care of.
Can’t wait to see your wallet at the event!”
Old School says
“This past month we have attested 36 Clears!!”
Yes but, being that it was the 3rd time each of these people attested to Clear (having being recycled that many times already) there were o (ZERO) new clears made at Flag…
Also, you seem to be very excited that there is “good” news coming out from Flag. You make it sound like an unusual occurrence at best.
Robert Almblad says
Good point Old School. I am sure the stats prior to this were VERY CONFIDENTIAL and in the toilet…
36 Clears is low, but “we have attested”? Who’s doing the attesting? They weren’t even attested, they were verified. No-one attests to anything in the CoS nowadays, self-determinism and awareness of awareness are strictly forbidden. No-one gets anything in the CoS unless COB approves of it first, after RTC have run through it and ticked the boxes. Next on the RF after the SS is the Reg, who acts as a sneaky Qual.
I expect he’s struggling already, but if these stats were any higher, Capt COB would never get any sleep.
Here is my success story:
I was just thinking today that way back in the 70’s, I just squashed anything in my mind that didn’t align with what I was required to feel about Scientology then I read this, and it’s the same old same old.
When I was recruited for Sea Org, I remember the look my boyfriend gave me when I told him I had joined. Mind you, he was staff. That’s why I remember the look. It was so odd that he would give me a look than said “you have just destroyed your life” when I joined Sea Org. He knew. I didn’t.
When I arrived at Hollywood Inn at 8pm my first night in Sea Org and they hadn’t even bothered to consider assigning me berthing yet (now I know that’s par for the course, but seriously), that made me uneasy, but I, a 17 year old, squashed the feeling that I had stepped in deep doo doo and was in way over my head. I just smiled and carried on.
Scientology basically is and always has been about pretending its all ok and that you are fine. People in Scientology are forced to push themselves beyond what they can honestly endure.
They give you “tools” (routines, some good, some bad, most stolen from other practices) to help you do this. Once you break, you are pushed out on the street where you are forced to try to rebuild yourself.
If a person is smart and brave enough and the opportunity arises, they run before Scientology has a chance to break them.
Unfortunately, Scientology drilled the fake must push myself beyond all human endurance into me so far that I still find myself doing it in my life to this day.
I could go on and on but you get the idea. Scientology painted a beautiful picture that for years I kept believing I was the only one missing. Once driven to insanity by the lies that are the everyday reality of Scientology, I finally escaped, then slowly found out how to make myself sane again. I still carry some if the scars with me all these years later.
THAT is what I learned in Scientology.
Valerie, I totally get what you’ve said here. I have observed it for years in my beloved mate’s life, the need to fill every moment of every day with “something”. It’s only in the past couple of years, I’ve watched delightedly as she suddenly stopped something she was doing and smiled and said, “I don’t have to do ANYTHING today!” And laughed.
Thursday, at 2, has no vital quality, no day nor hour which holds any specific meaning above all others. The real stats of your life are finding yourself laughing at something pointless, walking in the sunlight and suddenly feeling yourself a part of EVERYTHING, walking around with a bemused look on your face realizing how much actual fun it is simply being alive, holding a laughing child….so many simple things.
One of the great realizations I had which helped me was, simply, the planet never asked to be cleared. And billions upon billions of people living today, and yet to come, will live their lives totally unaware that there was ever anyone named L. Ron Hubbard or that he created something called “scientology”.
And that is OKAY!
Exactly! I still have to remind myself that sometimes it is OK to do absolutely nothing sometimes. There’s so much more to enjoy about life than scientology. Life is beautiful.
Laurie Dlm says
wow! And again I thought it was only me…I have never been a staff but just a public for so many years and the idea that when I don’t do something, anything, I am doing an overt is still with me constantly….Thanks for that I will look at things differently now.
At 36 Clears a week, and a stable population, we can project 200,555,555 weeks to Clear earth. Or 3.8 million years. Provided you can get everyone in Zimbabwe or Manila to cough up $500,000 for the privilege.
“Provided you can get everyone in Zimbabwe or Manila to cough up $500,000 for the privilege.”
How hard could that be?
That was an enlightening article with stat attendance analysis of the PAC 3/13 event on data provided by one of your “moles”.
But you know, we’ve already got “MIKE’S MOLES”, so in the interest of good alliteration I have to find another name for your intel people which would start with a “P”. All I can think of right now is “POT’S PEEPS”.
Huh. Looks like Jeff could use the Excessive Exclamation and Excitation Enhancement Rundown. Oh, I forgot, up is up. Except when it isn’t. And especially when GAT II and Super Power was promised to clear a planet of 7.22 billion people.
Well it’s impressive if there are less that 500 left in the bubble.
Otherwise what a massive flunk.
I’m trying hard to confront this. Do you mean to tell me, Jeff, that after all these hundreds of thousands of dollars spent on auditing all one really needed to do to become full OT Super Powered Cause was to run around a pole for a few weeks?
That’s what you’re promoting?
That’s about as exciting as getting a flat tire in a Walmart parking lot.
John P. Capitalist says
Given that Miscavige is all about appearances, I see a potential conundrum in the Super Power statistics game. In order to justify the exclusivity of those who donated generously, will DM keep those who are interested in doing Super Power and have cash in hand waiting and thus passing up the income?
Just imagine the flap if the big name families (Duggans, Jensens, Feshbachs, Baybaks, etc) who thought they would have some “prime time” trying out the tilt-a-whirl ride and the oiliness table in the Hall of Perceptics find themselves mixed in with a pharmacist from Dubuque who didn’t donate a cent but is living his dream of doing Super Power?
To add to the conundrum, will Miscavige change the rules so that people young enough to actually DO Super Power onto Super Power before they’re dead or medically incapable of redoing Purif and hanging upside-down in a MASTIF frame? Certainly there are people who have been waiting since 1978 for Super Power. That’s thirty-six years? I know of no end of people who have already died, waiting for Super Power to be released. I know an eighty-nine year-old who is medically verboten from re-doing the purify, and being as he is restricted to a wheelchair with an oxygen tank, there’s no way he’s doing “cause resurgence” or Super Power.
By delaying things and overpricing them, Miscavige is pricing himself out of the market at the same time his customer base is being decimated by time.
That’s a good point, John P. Aside from the extra money he’ll make programming the pedestrian sheeple down the bridge with all these prereqs before they can do Super Power, it also provides time to ensure that the Whales complete SP first.
And imagine if a whale decides to spend millions suing him.
Idle Morgue says
Luis Garcia forced the opening of Stupid Powerz, in my opinion. Miscavige will allow a trickling of people to go through because if the masses did it – more would leave.
Notice the long runway Miscavige orders before anyone can have Stupid Powerz – re do purif and 100 plus hours of Objectives. The spend $$$,$$$ to come to the Fraud Scam Base and convince yourself that this is what everyone has been waiting for – for 20 plus years ($250 million dollars obtained).
Running around a track and sliding around on the oiliness table is being done around the world. You can find them in Gyms and massage parlors. LOL