It’s a big weekend of ribbon yanking for the Chairman of the Bored.
These HAVE to be done this weekend or they will not make it into the March 13th event — and he doesn’t have anything else to hype at that event other than to bring the Sherminator on stage to ramble on with some more fascinating tall tales about the life of LRH, and handing out some awards to pre-ordained winners of the “Birthday Game” (you will see, the ONLY winners allowed now are “ideal”). So, it is absolutely imperative these ribbon yankings were made to happen. After YEARS of endless PR pieces about Silicon Valley, there was nothing until 3 days ago when suddenly “we are holding a grand opening.” No last minute files pleas for help, no desperate recruitment pitches. When push comes to shove, everything is unimportant compared to the photo of op of COB yanking his ribbon.
Saturday: Salt Lake. This “org” is a complete joke — there are about a dozen scientologists in the entire state and they raised virtually NONE of the money for this ideal org. But as I predicted some time ago, the desperation to have something to show and claim “look how we are expanding with these “new” orgs” is paramount for Miscavige. So, eventually, in areas where there are no whales and virtually nobody to raise funds from, he will start just paying for the buildings and renovations out of Sea Org Reserves. As I have also said many times, IF it is true that the “ideal orgs strategy” is what is going to “clear the planet” (as Miscavige has often claimed) then why didn’t he just buy EVERY org a new building and renovate it? The same logic follows — if 10,000 onto OT VII is the make-break point of civilization and they haven’t been able to crack 7,000 in 35 years, why not just put ALL SO members and ALL staff onto full time auditing and get them up to OT VII? It would reportedly handle all ills of this planet…
Sunday: Silicon Valley is going to make the clearing of NorCal possible apparently. The other ideal orgs (SFO D, SFO Fdn, Steven’s Creek, Los Gatos and Sacramento) haven’t made a dent — but this one, hidden behind a retaining wall on the 101 Freeway is going to do the trick! This is what they have been saying for a decade now. Silicon Valley, very much including Google (they claim to “share a parking lot with Google”) is about to be taken by storm. The 3 billion people who use the internet are about to see a whole new world as described by L. Ron Hubbard. At least this is what they have been telling the suckers who have been handing over money for 10 years…
But there are a couple of other interesting things:
Gosh Dave, why so bashful? “Special Guest Speakers” — is this a new scientology euphemism for “He Who Shall Not Be Named”? Why aren’t they shouting your name from the rooftops? You have become SO paranoid that you don’t even want scientologists to know you are attending their ribbon yanking?
And don’t you think you could be just a bit more creative on the promotional items? This is “generic ideal org announcement” promo. Fill in the name of your org here…
Of course, we will all be anxiously awaiting word on the magnificent speakers who join you to yank your ribbon. I bet they will, as has become the norm, be very underwhelming. A far cry from the Mayor of Buffalo or Charlie Rangel back in the good old days… Now you get to share the podium with “The Coordinator of Playground Amenities for the Neighborhood on the Other Side of Town” gushing about how the Way to Happiness has cut down on arguments over the swings. But you need to share the stage with these people because you have to try to show that you are part of the community. It’s a bit of the show for the IRS. “See, our new facility benefits the whole community”… So sad. The contempt in which you hold these people is well masked for the behind-closed-doors-patrolled-by-security-guards “public” event, but your disdain for wogs is legendary. And wogs that are not movie stars or Hollywood agents or heads of film studios are beneath contempt.
Looking forward to the reports of thousands attending these epic, earth-shattering, watershed events that are significant signposts towards the front porch of infinity.
“coordinator of playground activities “. that is sooo funny. You made my morning
The munchkin is looking more ragged. I’m sure it’s killing him to fork over money to open these rest homes. I look at this as a positive thing…if he has to reinvest his hard earned cash to look good to the IRS and the bubblettes, the more tangible assets can be seized that would otherwise be moved off-shore in an account with Shelley’s name on it, which is why she is held under lock & key and armed guard. Jus saying…
“Norman” reminds me of David Miscavige . . . LOL !
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wlMegqgGORY
Aha – Fond memories. On the weekend that Woodstock started I started hitchhiking to California because I wanted to learn how to surf. I got as far as Salt Lake City and two years later I walked through the Salt Lake City mission doors. As an anti-establishment longhair I was a perfect candidate for Scientology – lol
I was living in New Jersey with my parents and had a job. I waited until Friday so I could get my paycheck and cash it. The way to Yasgar’s farm was via the New York State Thruway and by Saturday morning it was bottlenecked and closed! California, here I come.
Sounds like you had some fun back then, Richard. Your post brings me back. The risks we took!
When I was 20 I moved thousands of miles from where I grew up. I didn’t have a job waiting for me. I wasn’t trained to do anything particularly and I didn’t know anyone in this new place. I had about $500 on me. I lived there for 2 years. Everything worked out ok but wow, did I learn some lessons about what survival really means. Like that Dylan song, only I COULD have gone home, but wouldn’t/1 I had family back home who would have sent me money and I had a joint bank account with a family member also but I was too proud to ask for it or let them know I was in straights by drawing on that money! So I watiressed…other crazy jobs. Good lessons that made me grow up, and I met new people, got engaged to a Marine…long story…I had badly needed to get away and it ended up all being OK but let me tell you, today I wouldn’t go away for a WEEKEND with $500 as thoughtlessly as I moved thousands of miles away, knowing no one, back then.. Only extreme youth takes these kinds of risks!
I later joined staff at the SLC mission and most of us had part time jobs. Someone had rented a large house and five or six of us rented rooms in it. It didn’t matter what type of job you had in the wog world as long as you stayed “On Purpose”. Remember that expression?
P.S. Maybe it’s not just youth. Some of us have wanderlust, maybe a part of our DNA. I once read a series of books about “The Star People”. Supposedly some of us look at the Heavens with not just admiration but also a longing. It’s always nice to have an identity.
Yes, you definitely had fun, Richard. “On Purpose”… remember it well – how could one forget?
Also agree that by nature and irrespective of age, some will to whatever degree play it safe and some won’t. I sure didn’t, back then!
When I think of some of the risks I took, relocating, travelling, and in other ways, as an inexperienced, little suburban girl, well, I was for the most part really lucky, that’s all. Extreme good luck offsetting what had been some monstrously bad luck early on. Well, in any event, at least it wasn’t boring 🙂
“The Star People”.
Yes, Brad and Francie Steiger could be about as loony as LRH in his later years.
I was in Boston when Woodstock came about. Everyone was looking for a ride. I was looking for a bag of dope; never made it. I regret the dope; I don’t regret missing Woodstock at all; the film footage was better than the real thing, IM not-so-humble O. No mud to slog through.
NYC and surely Boston were ahead of the curve on the West to East cultural shift. People in small town New Jersey were still paranoid about getting caught and stuffed towels under the door so nobody knew they were lighting up. Before heading west I had spent a year in NYC where someone had handed me a pamphlet about scn which I found quite interesting. Four years later and I was “in”.
In 1971-72 parts of SLC were pretty hip. I hung out with a group of hippy types. We could sit out on the front porch and smoke dope while admiring the Rocky Mountains. The “straights” passing by probably thought we were smoking funny smelling cigarettes. By that time Haight Ashbury had already gone down the tubes with the hard drugs moving in. Just as well I didn’t make it to California on the first try.
“In 1971-72 parts of SLC were pretty hip”.
Did you ever make it over to Raunchy Raunchy Records?
Won’t be long now before Scientology collapses bye bye David M.
I don’t think it will colllapse completly. It’ll become something like the Theosophical Society: still around but moribund. Don’t get me wrong; I’d love to see the damn thing blow up like the Peopl’es Temple or Heaven’s Gate, etc. But there are too many old diehards who’ve wasted too much of their lives with it, and they won’t just walk away.
Correct bix. To disband it totally would require the disbursal of the assets. Exposing them to taxation. The most probable route is loss of tax exempt status (which isn’t really retro-active).
That leads to inability to take in loads of cash without paying corp. tax rate and sheep can’t write it off. And, the buildings are exposed to local property taxes
THAT leads to it selling of the buildings at a LOSS so as to pocket max cash into offshore accts.
What remains is DM presiding over a FOR profit church (with no real parishioners) that makes no money but supports his lifestyle and possibly a few S.O. members he dupes into staying because Ron said he would rescue them when Target 2 is accomplished.
Mike, this is an especially seething analysis of upcoming Ideal Org openings. Good job.
I have a book suggestion for all the ex-Scientologists here to read on March 13th: Death of a Salesman
Not sure that would work, GEP. The big line from “Death of a Salesman” was Willy Loman’s “I’m liked, but I’m not well-liked.” If DM ever got honest (not very likely), his equivalent line would be: I’m not just dis-liked a little, I’m absolutely detested.”
I was on the bunker looking at the floor plans for the SLC Ideal morg. I could make out more than one shredding area. I could not however find a formal kitchen on any floor. I did see a cafeteria seating area that had the name of café display. Someone please tell me I have it all wrong. They seem to have a café display to make it look like they feed people, but no kitchen.
I think another reason for the “Special Guest Speakers” reference, is to avoid naming outside speakers in advance – in several cases of other events recently, that has resulted in their being contacted by critics and warned off Scientology (which apparently often gets them to come by misrepresenting even the nature of the event and their role) and cancelling their participation.
Mister Miscavige, bring me a dream
Make her the richest clam that I’ve ever seen
Give her the message that I need money
Then tell her that I’ll make her my honey
Sandman, I’m so alone & broke
Don’t have money to call my own
Please turn on your super power beam
Mister Miscavige, bring me a dream
Mister Miscavige, bring me a dream
Make her the richest clam that I’ve ever seen
Give her the word that I need money
Then tell her I’ll gladly be her honey!
The Chordettes – Mr. Sandman Lyrics
THAT was my favorite song when I was very small. I adored that song. Played it constantly. I still know every lyric and verse 🙂
Mr. Sandman (yessssss?) bring me a dream!
Give him a pair of eyes with a come hither gleam
Give him a lonely heart like Pagliacci
And lots of wavy hair like Liberace!
Happy times… thanks for this Memory Lane trigger, Balletlady.
So glad it brought a smile to a few faces….it was a tune I remember as well, especially the beginning which I can’t imagine how to spell like bing bing bing bing bing bing….etc…love your little verse as well.
All I could think of is what I’ve heard, read, seen on TV Shows…the idea just popped into my head!
Here you go:
Mr. Sandman! Bring us a dream
Make him the cutest that I’ve ever seen
Give him the word that I’m not a rover
Then tell him that his lonesome nights are over!
I had that earworm all nite 🙂
Aqua…….you are so funny! I adore your comments! It is so amazing how some of us can fill in other words for the original words. That creates a good bit of humor, & often times the TRUTH.
Balletlady, you’re awfully nice but those are the original lyrics. Thank you, though 🙂
Oh yes Aqua, I DO realize what you noted ARE the original lyrics. I was referring to your occasional posts on OTHER self made fabulous lyrics that you come up with!
🙂 Thanks. Just having fun 🙂
Ah yes, the Chordettes. I had one of their albums. A sister act from up near Wisconsin if I remember.
Played that singe hundreds of times when I was five. Must have driven the adults crazy but they never said anything. “Sandman”, and Patti Page’s “Tennessee Waltz”. Over and over and over for I don’t recall how long, and they never said anything like, “PuhLEEZ can you play something else?” 🙂
Parents rarely say anything like that. (bless them) I had some 45 that I played constantly as a child (don’t remember the tune now, maybe an early Disney cartoon sound track) and my mom never said a word. Probably because it was in my bedroom on an old record player without much volume! 🙂
Yeah, I loved that recording by the chordettes. I’ve always been a sucker for that I to the VII7 change (Whispering,” “I Remember You”, “I Got A Feelin’ I’m Fallin’,” etc.)
I live in Portland, Oregon. In the mail I received a magazine of “ABILITY” I have not had any relationship with the cult, (just looked in actually and never joined) and they still have my name and address on their files. My neighbor who has never been in the cult, nor even knows where it is located in Portland also received the “ABILITY” magazine. Seems that at least in Portland, the cult is desperate to get anyone to come on down and see us. LOL
I met a man who was a hardware seller. He said that they did a promotion in Las Vegas, and he sold a lot of furniture, shelves, etc. to Scientology. Before they would do business with him however, they checked HIM out, and did a huge background check, checked out all his relations, friends, and associates. It is a wonder if they go to that amount of time and effort that they can ever open one of these empty buildings.
Oops, running out of whales to grab and amass their money? He is also running short of blind followers.
And in the last photos of Miscavige I had to say he looks worst than ever; worn out, worried, older, introverted, tired and despite coloring his hair, he looks awfully bad.
Oh but how your dare? He works 24/7 ensuring the future of mankind improves by opening the Ideal empty buildings and the 100.000 square feet of renovated Orgs.
Sorry then, just a thought…..
Love this just to hear he’s showing signs of stress makes my day!!!
I wish there were new spy Scientologists that could go to these events and report back…do you have to be invited, or can anyone walk in off the streets, or someone brand new go? I think we should infiltrate
Lynda, my sense is that org people are extremely suspicious of new people nowadays. I can’t explain here on the blog why I’m sure about this. Very probably a new person expressing interest in basic courses –
Dianetic auditing.(these are the entry level cult activities) and asking to attend events would be checked out thoroughly via Google and also via any of the scores of “people finder” services available for a small monthly fee on the internet. Any spy would have to give a real name, real phone number and address. That said, I’m all for it! I’d do it if I could get away with it! Lots of fun and plenty to learn and share for the common good.
Yes, it would have to be someone who never commented on Facebook or anywhere else. Must be a paranoid time for them, desperate for new members, but suspicious of everyone. Good!!!
Miscavige lives in his own little fantasy world, but good Lord, even he must be aware at how yawn-inducing these “ideal” org openings are.
Nobody cares about the little dying, or factually dead, “religion”, except for enjoying the fun ridicule thrown at it and perhaps rubber-necking the pathetic train wreck it has become.
Ewwww… DM is within a few miles of me today. I don’t feel well.
If Silicon Valley org shares a parking lot with Google, at least they’ll have one lot with cars in it (from Google employees).
Ah yes, the all sizzle, no sausage b-b-q.
It’s amazing to realise this is all for the benefit of PR for the IRS. Oh, the guilt that must surround the diminutive one of Scientology. All that money but impossible to have a life that could enjoy it. You’re a walking, talking tomb Slappy. And oh… that’s not a shadow that follows you, it’s the threat of a big pile of summons. You do indeed walk in Hubbard’s shoes.
The world is closing on little Davy and the vestiges of the once great fastest growing religion in the world. Feels good to see this happen. Thanks Mike for helping to make it a reality.
“… gushing about how the Way to Happiness has cut down on arguments over the swings.”
One of your funniest lines in a huge field of such lines. I’m still grinning over it 10 minutes later. You certainly either hung onto your sense of humor during your long years in the SO (well hidden I imagine) or got it back damned fast after your left!
I too thought “The Coordinator of Playground Amenities for the Neighborhood on the Other Side of Town” combined with the gushing part was oh so wicked of you Mike!
You are clearly still an Aussie at heart!
And I almost never use exclamation marks
So, what does the future look like? “Ideal” Orgs, but other than buildings, no new expansion. I’m guessing not many new people coming in, certainly not enough for these Orgs to be viable. I’m not sure where the $ is coming from- either new donations from one or more whales or from the Church’s reserves.
So, small, understaffed, unpopular Orgs in huge “Ideal” buildings that are way too big seems like a future liability. These Orgs will sit empty and decay, but a gradual decay over years. What happens when orgs can’t pay the bills? Maybe all the bills are paid up-lines from estates and the Orgs accrue debt?
100% of Miscavige’s programs fail in their published intent. The Church is propped up with donations from wealthy members like the Duggans. I’m just wondering when the house of cards will fall. It’s like a weird ponzi scheme. These things don’t last forever.
It does seem very strange.
Pragmatically, they have to spend money on efforts such as this, in order to keep the IRS from questioning why they are sitting on so much money and not doing anything. Theoretically, they would need all the space when something happens that starts bringing in multitudes of people – the membership has apparently been convinced that this will start happening when SuMP starts broadcasting, and apparently even at the highest levels some of the diehards believe that Hubbard is going to come back and turn things around, though it’s hard to tell what Miscavige himself might actually believe.
If Scientology invested its vast reserves and operated off the income, they could keep the orgs open with skeleton staff and hired security guards almost indefinitely – and if they got another billion from people like Duggan and Cruise, they could theoretically keep things running in perpetuity with virtually no membership. Something like that would probably eventually cause the IRS to at least change their tax exempt category to one that was less favorable and subjected to them to enough limits and levies to eventually put them out of business, but I figure that between financial strategies and legal challenges they could easily drag out the life of the organization on a fairly large scale for 50 to 100 years.
I think that the CofS will live on surprisingly large-appearing and for a surprisingly long time, unless the government takes some sort of strong action, or they eventually get drained by lawsuits.
Yes.
That very well could happen. I hope not.
Whilst Little Davie runs around yanking his ribbon, Scientology is slowly, steadily coming apart at the seams. Maybe it’s true; it’ll make you blind…
Oh my goodness, that was hilarious!
Not true! Or I’d have been blind decades ago.
Make you blind? You mean, like looking at Emperor Hirohito?
” . . . more fascinating tall tales about the life of LRH ” ( QUOTE from Mike Rinder )
I want to hear all about how “Naval hero” LRH went on a rampage, depth-charging non-existant “Japanese” submarines and shelling a Mexican island . . . Those are my favorite LRH “bedtime stories” – LOL !
https://www.cs.cmu.edu/~dst/Cowen/warhero/battle.htm
https://www.cs.cmu.edu/~dst/Cowen/warhero/coronados.htm
Dave F.
Interesting info in these links. Thanks, Dave F.
Well for Heaven’s Sake, the truth is this:
The one thing that would certainly “clear California”….would be a .9 or higher Earthquake……
Geology nitpick… a 0.9 earthquake wouldn’t be felt, but a 9.0 sure would.
What happened to “Safe Cities”…….it showed up “404” then disappeared…?
My mistake. Something I was working on that was just a title and instead of “saving” it I clicked on “publish” and there’s no way of undoing that. It will come in a few days.
Please, please, please Mike, write a book.
I remember having a discussion once with the CO FSO about lack of full time auditors being trained. It went something like this:
Me: “Why don’t we put a bunch of staff on full time training as we are short in the HGC’s?”
C.O.: “One has to be a proven auditor (per policy) before full time training is allowed so you don’t waste resources on a person who isn’t a good auditor.”
Me: “Why is that policy when tech says that anyone can be trained to be a good auditor using the study tech?”
C.O. “Shut up and get back on post.”
As a kid I saw this type of stuff as hugely illogical and lead me out of scamology.
As for the whales? “A fool and their money…”
Audit and train staff?…… really!
Hubbs did not give it away, you silly goose.
Your sense of logical and critical thinking is strong.
Also jim, Hubbs didn’t want more mouths to feed than were absolutely necessary as it ate into his profits.
What a fucking scumbag!
Stop holding back, OSD. Bottling up your emotions is unhealty. Just let it go. You’re safe with us.
I’m surprised they are able to recruit ANYBODY in the land of the Mormons.
They probably misread the invitations. When it said, “Land of the Mormons”, they likely misread that as, “Land of the Morons”. Tiny Dave and his Dupes would have fit right in.
That reminds me. Wasn’t there once a music group called, “Tiny Dave and his Dupes”? Their music would have been accompanied by the screams of the dying. Come to think of it, I’m pretty sure that was a line from the movie, “The Boys From Brazil”. If you never saw that, it is a most excellent film and there are plenty of parallels to be seen between Hitler and his Nazi Dupes and Tiny Dave and his Brainwashed Dupes. I’m guessing that if you have had your fill of CO$, then you will enjoy that film. I certainly did.
My town is 98% Mormon according to the last Census.
Today (Sunday) the roads are EMPTY.
Home Depot is a dream to shop in because everyone is attending to their belief which means NO SHOPPING on Sunday (or having someone else work for you I think…not totally sure). Don’t bother going out to shop on Saturday because EVERYONE is out hurrying to get things taken care of before Sunday!!
Salt Lake City is OWNED by the Mormon Church. There are changes happening and it is becoming more and more tolerant.
Funny when scientology tries to compare themselves to the Mormon Church. Now that I’ve had a drink or two of both I can say (with complete certainty) that they are nothing alike except for one thing: they have a strange story/belief that takes Faith to follow and believe…and people give lots and lots of money to keep that story/belief alive.
Oh, one more point they are similar on: if you are not LDS here then you are lower-class. Your children will NOT be allowed/invited to hang out with an LDS family (I guess fearing they might pull them out of the flock). This information was given to me by three LDS wives. Not exactly what they are TAUGHT but it is what it is here.
“On the rolls or in the pews” Interesting story in the paper about the LDS church shrinking. Pretty SURE the folks aren’t headed over to scientology…
http://archive.sltrib.com/article.php?id=5403049&itype=CMSID
I think the LDS tithes are 10% of income. Which is whole helluva lot less than Scientology demands! The Clams want it all! lol
!0% would have seemed fair to me when I was in the cult. Actually, more than fair – heaven!
Highly unlikely there will be many of them, for sure.
To be fair, SLC itself is only about half LDS now.
I don’t know that they’re doing much active recruitment here though. They’ve shown up at the University of Utah a few times to do ‘stress tests’, but they don’t even bother to post vague ads for their ‘events’ or ‘classes’ on Craigslist.
Moving out of Sugarhouse and into a fugly office building that is only noticeable by how blech it is surrounded by some really great historic architecture isn’t going to help much. But they probably made a small fortune if they sold the old building, which is what it’s really all about.
FRONT porch of eternity, if I may.
Of course… excuse my foolishness. Now fixed.
Chairman of the Bored orders you to a sec check for that outrageous error.
To: Mike Rinder
From: David Miscavige COB RTC
Re: your gross error.
Yes, Rinder! Even though you are a declared SP, I order you to report to OSA for a whopper of a sec check for which I will charge you a donation of $ 1.5 million dollars!
ML
Dave