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Thursday Funnies

July 14, 2022 By Mike Rinder 25 Comments

 

AO Africa??

Never seems to reflect “Africa”…

There’s one token representative on the left of the shot.

 

Africa?

She’s from Germany. Not at AOSHEU which is just across the border?

 

No wonder…

They are promoting “public are flying in from all over the world”.

Apparently there aren’t enough scientologists in Africa to keep an AO busy

 

Accepting Applications from Upstat Persons

Not really true.

ANYBODY qualifies.

And they’re not “accepting applications” they are begging for anyone from anywhere to join up

 

Going Ideal!

Eventually.

Shouldn’t they have thought about getting staff before they spent all that money buying and renovating a building they can’t move into?

 

Doug E. Fresh is back

Never heard them called this before: “sister national orgs”? How does this work? Any black person is supposed to go to these two orgs?

 

Tell the truth or lie?

Scientology preaching about the truth?

Hahahaha

 

Top Gun Hype

“Gourmet” horses doovers and “great” speakers.

Gotta be a milestone, epic event.

 

Ooh boy

Even the hype for this one looks totally lame.

 

What are we celebrating?

You’ll find out???

They’re going on a picnic.

 

 

Wonder if Hooters knows…

 

Not children

And their definition of “surviving” is?

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Filed Under: Funnies Tagged With: AOSH Africa, AOSH ANZO, Chicago, Columbus, DFW, Doug E Fresh, Harlem, Hooters, Inglewooid, London Org, Top Gun, Vancouver

Comments

  1. R. H. says

    July 15, 2022 at 9:33 pm

    Why not create a ‘religion’ of telepathic psychoanalysts and use the business model of Papa John’s (at least its model in Brooklyn, NY, where Papa John’s installs a business next to an established pizza joint, typically mom & pop shop, in the hopes that they steal their business. Dumb, considering anyone who has had Brooklyn pizza knows that ain’t what they sell at Papa John’s, but I digress)…. Here’s what I mean.

    Step one: Found religion Psychentology whose “mission” is to telepathically psychoanalyze everyone to promote mental health on the planet.

    Step two: open locations adjacent to existing Scientology buildings and stand in front of your own locations holding your temples and other “Amazing Kreskin-esque” gestures to exhibit telepathic psychoanalysis is in progress. Anyone coming over should be asked how the experience makes them feel while taking notes.

    Scientologists looked at/responded to by telepathic psychoanalysts will have been psychoanalyzed, thereby making them enemies. et voila.

    Reply
  2. The Moose says

    July 15, 2022 at 5:54 pm

    A mountain Scientology retreat for a secret purpose, what could go wrong?

    Reply
  3. RoseMarie says

    July 15, 2022 at 7:43 am

    When I see these flyers now I am amazed they still try their tired old scams. 7000 volunteer ministers? Gave out 400 awards? I doubt that because their picture of the academy picture has 13 or so students? It’s so lame! Sigh 😕

    Reply
    • PeaceMaker says

      July 15, 2022 at 2:02 pm

      RoseMarie, they must be counting much of their remaining membership as VMs, perhaps similar to how almost every member is technically an FSM (a commissioned salesperson). Plus in Africa they appear to be counting outside volunteers on some of their projects as VMs.

      Reply
  4. Chris Shugart says

    July 14, 2022 at 7:53 pm

    I’m guessing that by now recruiters have adjusted their definition of “upstat” to “alive and breathing.”

    Reply
    • Aquamarine says

      July 15, 2022 at 12:04 am

      OMG, I can’t believe you’ve posted exactly – but EXACTLY – what I just came back here to post, Chris!

      Reply
      • Chris Shugart says

        July 15, 2022 at 11:20 am

        It just goes to show you: Demented minds think alike.

        Reply
        • Aquamarine says

          July 15, 2022 at 4:18 pm

          Just so 🙂

          Reply
  5. Scooter says

    July 14, 2022 at 5:46 pm

    Wow. Four hours on a bus in the Blue Mountains with brain-dead kulties. No thanks.

    The Blue Mountains are west of Sydney and have some spectacular scenery and amazing wildlife. Truly worth spending a lot of time exploring. Even the fly in fly out tourist operations give you more than a picnic and 4 hours. Type “Blue Mountains Australia “ into your favourite search engine and you’ll get to see more than I reckon the Sydney kulties will. And you won’t pay a cent, nor get hit up for donations to dodgy organisations like IAS.

    Leaves a bad taste in my mouth before breakfast – think I need to go say hello to the cows next door. Much smarter than the delusional fools going to the mountains today.

    Reply
  6. Alcoboy says

    July 14, 2022 at 4:04 pm

    Thought popped into my head. Had a recall of a time when I was a Letter Reg. I got a letter from this lady that read something like this:

    I dont want nuthin ta do with no Sientologie and nothun to do with no sulebraties.
    Edna.

    My letter back to her went something like this:

    Appreciate your letter but you spelled ‘celebrities’ wrong.
    ML,
    Todd.

    Boy, did I get in trouble for that! I mean, what happened to LRH and ‘say what you feel’? That’s letter tech! No kidding!

    Reply
    • Rip Van Winkle says

      July 16, 2022 at 9:57 am

      The carbon copies in CF are a minefield of such treasures.

      R Factor and Letter Registration could be used creatively

      “but I was writing on my reality” thinnest ice.

      (it was funny. I’d a let you skate. – if your stats were up)

      Reply
      • Alcoboy says

        July 16, 2022 at 6:43 pm

        Then I could never skate because in Scientology stats are never up.
        Trust me, I know. You would laugh if you saw my weekly pay packet.

        Reply
  7. PeaceMaker says

    July 14, 2022 at 3:30 pm

    And besides South Africa, a lot of Europeans seem to be going to Dublin for services. That’s a strange oversized local org, staffed by foreigners or Sea Org and acting more like an AO.

    What happened to AOSHEU in Denmark, indeed? Has it been written off like Gold Base outside Hemet, apparently determined by Miscavige to be hopelessly riddled with SPs?

    Reply
  8. PeaceMaker says

    July 14, 2022 at 12:36 pm

    If the “tech” is “exact” like that, then where are the former members returned “in better shape” to new meat bodies? It’s been over half a century now, and if it really worked like that the orgs should be full of those who’ve come back free of implants.

    I do wonder if reality checks like that weigh on the minds of some of the members, or if those still in the bubble are so lost in the delusion that such “outpoints” go over their heads.

    Reply
  9. Miss Dutch says

    July 14, 2022 at 11:03 am

    2 thoughts hit me uppermost in my mind while reading these. First; “Why Lie?”, because it’s ‘the greatest good for the greatest number of dynamics’! You lie because Ron and/or Dave tells you to! Second; ‘Horses doovers’? My mom always read it at “horse’s ovaries”.

    Reply
    • PeaceMaker says

      July 14, 2022 at 12:33 pm

      Yes, I wonder if they cover “acceptable truths,” the Hubbardian art of misleading, and justifying outright falsehoods.

      Reading accounts like Lili’s, don’t most members realize they’ve been lied to by staff?

      Reply
    • Aquamarine says

      July 14, 2022 at 4:56 pm

      Bingo!

      “Why lie?” indeed?

      Perhaps because its, ummm…LRH policy?

      And not only policy, but tech!

      In that Hubbard not only states that in instances regarding “the greatest good” for “the greatest number of dynamics” a Scientologist MUST lie, there’s also specific Scientology training on HOW to lie!

      Man oh man, this is rich. This is rich.

      Reply
      • Aquamarine says

        July 14, 2022 at 5:11 pm

        Honestly, who would believe that a CHURCH advises lying – ranging in type from little whites to whoppers – when and if necessary, with the TECH of how to do it thoughtfully provided! Seriously, who, other than former Scientologists would BELIEVE this?

        Mike’s book is going to help. Its going to help a LOT I suspect.

        Reply
        • Alcoboy says

          July 15, 2022 at 12:25 pm

          Especially that book cover. Wasn’t Mike such a cute thing when he was younger?

          Reply
          • Aquamarine says

            July 15, 2022 at 4:16 pm

            Definitely a cute guy 🙂

            Reply
  10. Fred G. Haseney says

    July 14, 2022 at 9:42 am

    Mike — Published six hours ago in Jakarta, Indonesia: you’re about to dismantle Scientology with your memoir, “A Billion Years.”

    https://hot.detik.com/book/d-6178559/sosok-ini-bongkar-scientology-agama-banyak-artis-hollywood

    Please note that this website provides translation into English. It is a very positive article.

    Reply
  11. otherles says

    July 14, 2022 at 9:21 am

    Scam, Scam, Scam! Lovely scam, wonderful scam! Bloody Scientologists!

    Oh BTW, Tom Cruise wasn’t depicted flying an AV-8B.

    Reply
    • Alcoboy says

      July 14, 2022 at 3:56 pm

      Big question is, is he going to be at that Straight Up and Vertical event at Columbus Org?
      Naaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh.

      Reply
    • I Yawnalot says

      July 14, 2022 at 5:52 pm

      I find the smell of jet fuel invigorating. Don’t you? TC lives in his make believe world, he loves it, it’s very real to him. True believers understand the power of pure kerosene and strive to fly in his wake. Goose is not dead, be in the know & appreciate he’s happily flying on Target 2.
      Scientology knows the need and delivers the fastest way there.

      (Well… makes as much sense as Scientology does).

      Reply
  12. safetyguy says

    July 14, 2022 at 8:54 am

    Well, Mike< I am sure they can teach a great class on why to lie. From what I read and have seen they are very good at it.

    When the talk about a class on why to tell the truth they need to start at the top with that class. As in cob. Maybe he can learn to tell the truth say at the start of a person's Journey into this cult. Tell them the truth about the science fiction they call religion. You know, Xenu and all of that. Tell the brand new person that is coming in, in their first class, the story of Xenu.

    See how that works for their numbers and stats.

    Reply

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