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Thursday Funnies

November 5, 2015 By Mike Rinder 129 Comments

team-america-world-police-large-picture

Ideal Emptiness

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Big empty “studio” is the perfect venue to disseminate about big, empty orgs…

Screenshot (600)

Oh Dear…

Obviously, the COP is back in town and going to make a spectacular, epic, milestone, watershed announcement momentous sort of all-time thing at Graduation this week.

Screenshot (589)

He knew he couldn’t leave it to these people to do it right, so though they had a special briefing in the “Board Room” a month ago, obviously things didn’t take off like they should have.

So, once again, He has to do it all himself.

But wait a minute. There seems to be just a tad of out coordination in the model of admin know-how at Flag.

The mystery sandwich Meagan Tucker is selling above is being pre-empted by not one, but two emails from different people desperate to reach the OT VII’s and VIII’s to let them know they need to get ready for OT IX and X (though nobody is promising a release date…) And they have blown the “big news”…

 

Hello.

I am writing to you to get updated data from you in regards to a high priority project to get all New OT VIIIs ready for New OT IX & X!

With OT awaiting you on the horizon, you will of course want to be ready and thus the purpose of this survey. No one is promising a release date for New OT IX and X but with Golden Age of Tech Phase II for New OT VI, VII and VIII being released next week, one can add up what will follow!

For New OT VIIIs completed with the Purification RD and SRD, they also need to do the Student Hat and Advanced Solo Auditor Course. The first target to meet is 500 New OT VIIIs through all these steps before the end of the year, so this is very exciting!

Please answer the following survey updating your progress (even though you may have answered a survey in the past, we need your most recent data):

1. Have you now completed the New Student Hat?

2. If you have started the New Student Hat but not completed it, at which Org are you doing it? Your target to complete it?

3. If you have not started it, what is your plan and at which Org?

4. Have you now completed the Advanced Solo Auditor Course?

5. If you have started the Advanced Solo Auditor Course, but not completed it, at which Org are you doing it? Your target to complete it?

6. If you have not started it, what is your plan and at which Org?

Please reply. As a note, you can do the Student Hat here on the Ship or locally, whatever is faster for you, the important thing is that you get started. Your Advanced Solo Auditor Course can also be done here on the Ship where you will have your New OT VIII supervisors getting you through rapidly, or at the FSO.

(NOTE: Please call me if you want to speak with me on this. I am at your service and can be reached at: 727–445-4309 ext 2224.)

Thank you in advance for your swift response.
ARC,
Bob Bledsoe
New OT IX and X Project

And here is another one:

Dear OT VII completion,

In 1 month we will celebrate the 2nd anniversary of the release of Golden Age of Tech Phase II (November 2013) which completely changed the Scientology world and created the biggest expansion ever.

This release gave you the opportunity to do the missing steps on your Bridge, Purif and/or SRD, at Flag, on the Ship or in your local org.

In just 2 weeks, GAT II for OT levels VI, VII and VIII will be released and this will create even further expansion.

Per the data we have, you have not availed yourself yet of your next step (Purif and SRD) and are not ready for OT VIII, is that correct?

We want to assist you to make the target of getting started before the 2nd anniversary of GAT II release, 17 November, on whatever your next step is.

Please respond with the rundown you are doing next and when you will start:

Purif                                     Starting date:

SRD                                      Starting date:

Much love,
Mariteres Suter, Bridge Control Tracking Off

How exciting, you get to redo what you paid tends of thousands to do in the first place because it was all off-Source and squirrel. And this is going to create the biggest expansion ever.

But wait, there’s more…

You need to come to the pre-briefing-briefing, to find out what the briefing is going to be about.

Screenshot (592)

Seems to be a total clusterfuck of crossed wires. Everyone is in a panic because Dear Leader is having to do everyone’s job as usual.

 

What’s really happening?

Out here in the real world, things aren’t so bad. Seems like they are pretty shitty inside the bubble these days though.

BTW, I think you spell your name Sonnenfeld…

Screenshot (590)

 

 

Going once, going twice….

They are nearly to the point of paying anyone to come to the Moneywinds. The boom in scientology they keep talking about never seems to make it to the most OT place on earth.

Screenshot (593)

 

 

This is the largest concentration of scientologists on earth?

200-300 people?

Screenshot (598)Screenshot (599)

 

 

Begging For Happiness

The more apt title for this booklet. It has launched 10,000 requests for “donations.”

Screenshot (594)

 

 

50 futile years

And they still don’t have 50 people on training. This is an “ideal org” don’t forget.

Screenshot (591)

 

 

No need to do any OT levels

Just listen to some lectures.

But then again, this “OT” has the confront of a sea slug. She stood alongside me in the checkout line at Whole Foods and could not muster the courage to face me. OT VIII GAT 2 Class 5…

ACC

 

 

The Princess Warrior is back

Bet she wants to do some of that backlogged CF filing and toss a buck in the passaround hat.

Screenshot (588)

 

 

50 more futile years

Another “ideal org” that has managed to accomplish precisely NOTHING. They cannot even open a single mission in their area.

BTF

 

 

Speaking of futile

They cannot complete Toronto. But they are going to complete the “AO” that will be suitable for filming The Shining II — long empty hallways. Spooky as shit.

AOCAN

 

 

How to flourish and prosper?

Step 1: Stay away from reg events like this. “free” food? Not a chance unless they figure they will make it back with the regging. Wonder if Andres is going to give an update on the 700 new public flooding into LA Org every week.

FLOURICH

 

 

Moneywinds

Couldn’t have a week without something offering wealth in the here and now from the most theta universe that completely transcends the MEST

FW

 

 

Data on the upcoming release of OT IX and X

“It’s closer now than it was last week.” Will that be cash or check?

FWT

 

 

More files fun

This place is hardly an org and it has a backlogged CF? Has anyone EVER thought that perhaps there is something wrong with this system? Nobody has EVER kept their filing current. Ever. Anywhere. Period.

HARLEM

 

 

The Key To Life

Oh yeah, we don’t do that any more…. Guess we locked the door and threw away the key.

KTL

 

 

Just another half million to go

Come on, get moving. It will definitely be worth it. Just look at Twin Cities and Seattle…

SD

 

 

Not so mighty Miami

Really strange stuff… Guys, you know he has been dead for nearly 30 years?

MM

 

Well, actually, in more than 30 years they have NOT been able to.

MM2

 

Scots humor:

Or something? Pathos perhaps?

hclan53o100

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Filed Under: Funnies Tagged With: Flag Service Organization, Freewinds, fundraising, funnies, IAS, Ideal Orgs

Comments

  1. KatherineINCali says

    November 6, 2015 at 10:03 pm

    “You need to come to the pre-briefing-briefing, to find out what the briefing is going to be about.”

    “Seems to be a total clusterfuck of crossed wires.”

    Mike, that’s some funny shit. Excellent commentary!

    Ugh, “briefing”…as if they’re in the CIA or something. Eye roll x 10.

    As someone who was never in Co$, those flyers generally give me a massive headache and a serious case of WTF??

    Reply
  2. TruthTeller says

    November 6, 2015 at 10:04 am

    So Mike,

    You stood next to this lady in the store and she could not confront you?

    Perhaps you should have handed her the HCOB “Mixing rundowns and Repairs” or CS Series 5

    After all if she is running “Life Repair” on a PC why did she “add in” a “little process” from the AAC lectures?

    Oh but then with GAT II you can take an OTVIII back down to doing objectives over and over again.

    I cannot wait for GAT III to be anounced as even more non LRH Tech somehow got past GAT II and these super OT beings have to go back to basics again.

    Perhaps they should go further back than basics and return to the day before they walked into the Org and go backto their old ordinary life.

    At least they would no longer have to donate.

    Reply
    • BlindersOff says

      November 6, 2015 at 11:06 am

      That would be basic basic.

      Reply
  3. TruthTeller says

    November 6, 2015 at 9:38 am

    “For New OT VIIIs completed with the Purification RD and SRD, they also need to do the Student Hat and Advanced Solo Auditor Course.”

    So how come there are a OT VIII’s Class VIII’s in Clearwater who have not completed services in years?

    I know CF is never actually in PT but they cannot even get public 300 yards from FLAG’s doorstep to come in!

    Some OT Committee they have at FLAG they are sleepwalking into the abyss.

    Reply
    • Ann B Watson says

      November 6, 2015 at 11:17 am

      Hi Truth Teller, “Sleepwalking into the abyss! That’s true and frightening together! So glad we are out and know an abyss when we see one! Always,Ann.

      Reply
      • mark marco says

        November 6, 2015 at 2:51 pm

        Hi Truth Teller,
        I’m also glad to see you out and about. And thanks for the great line.-mm

        Reply
    • BlindersOff says

      November 6, 2015 at 11:30 am

      Central Files is so 1950’s. New name is Central Piles.

      Reply
  4. I Yawnalot says

    November 5, 2015 at 8:00 pm

    Wow! Just been over at Tony Ortega’s site and looked at Chris Selton’s explanation of the Truth Rundown, (two posts ago, under Leah Remini).
    Mike responded to a post of mine a few days ago when I mentioned I had the Truth Rundown once and didn’t think it was brainwashing and he corrected me on it’s current use within the church. OH BOY! How it is done in the church is nothing less than pure evil! And against their own members specifically!
    In fact I had it in the early nineties and realise now it was the catalyst for me walking out the door on the corruption which was just getting worse and worse within the Cof$. I also had no idea I was one of the few recipients of it as a non SO member, it was done as a case action/request at the time. I thought it was good and explained to me the insidious workings and ramifications of the R6 bank.
    If anyone thinks scientology technology is all harmless bs invented to deceive and make a buck they are also saying nuclear fission is all a hoax as well. I am bewildered beyond belief at the level of internal evil the church has sunk to. I have seen the evil man gets up with being a soldier but bullets and bombs have a defensive use and capability which are required no matter how reluctantly. Scientology in its downward spiral is indeed a worry of where it might end up or who else might find a use for it and develop it further. Evil and scientology are two despicable bedfellows.
    Scientology technology truly is in the wrong hands and wrong social (secret) hierarchy. For the first time I reluctantly feel that a Jonestown is entirely possible under the current regime of miscavige. The recipients of that rundown and God knows what else miscavige has dreamed up or has got his grubby little mitts on is a matter of great concern.
    Leah Remini is one tough and resilient human being to walk away after having that rundown but then having the guts to go public – I salute her.
    I truly feel a need to get angry at someone.

    Reply
    • Ann B Watson says

      November 5, 2015 at 9:13 pm

      Hi I Yawnalot, Read your post more than once and I salute you,Leah and all who are speaking out concerning their experiences with Ron and David’s Worlds.You conveyed with your experience ,that cold fear I felt so many years ago when my spirit began the climb out of the smoldering ruins of a dream I had bought into and fully believed.I had seen that there was a very real evil that lurked around the application of the tech when used to harm and hurt.I feel that as long as I kept my head down and my mouth shut and applauded Ron with Tone 40+ Intention always, the sailing was smooth.It was only when I felt the cold wind of betrayal and came to the knowledge that things were going to end very badly for me if I did not get out.The coldness I experienced from those who had promised me ,I would be protected,the abrupt turn around haunts me to this day.Scientology is not just a scam to make money ad infinitum although this is certainly woven into the fabric of the cult.The true implications of exactly what you posted will continue to reverberate until one day or one night the entire truth will cause the empire to implode.What happens next will be something to witness!Thank you for telling your feelings.Always Love,Ann.

      Reply
      • I Yawnalot says

        November 6, 2015 at 10:04 am

        Yes Ann the betrayal is very cold. I’m a little bit like an elephant in the memory department, I don’t forget such things, nor forgive easily.
        It was an amazing awakening for me to experience the “well intentioned” run Truth Rdn for case advancement and then to see what the church has done to it for control and suppression of criticism. I grit my teeth in frustration in that I feel pretty hopeless I cannot do much about it. But interestingly enough it was apparent to me after the Rdn I could indeed tell the truth. You see, the EP of if as I see it is that you don’t withhold the truth so much anymore. That is something the Cof$ would never allow, no wonder they stopped its use for case gain. Very much like stopping the KTL/LOC. The LOC saw a number of staff change their minds about their hat in life and leave staff – a big no no for the church. But what they do with the technology is all slanted to suppression. That’s hard to accept isn’t it?
        It goes to show, it’s the intention behind doing something that makes all the difference. The church has turned auditing into a weapon by intention alone.

        Reply
        • Ann B Watson says

          November 6, 2015 at 11:14 am

          Hi I Yawnalot, Thank you for a wonderful,post.The last line about auditing is just Classic! Love Always,Ann.

          Reply
  5. deElizabethan says

    November 5, 2015 at 7:43 pm

    My old stomping ground Mighty Miami was never mighty, except mighty poor!

    Reply
    • Dawn says

      November 6, 2015 at 4:10 am

      It’s like Joburg org in South Africa. it’s gone St Hill size about three times! Something is definitely wrong with the tech because it doesn’t sustain any state. Now what I always thought when “the tech” didn’t work was that it was the people who didn’t apply it properly or started off applying it but didn’t maintain its application.

      How clever Hubbard was to make his “tech” sacred and to blame the people, all the time, for squirrelling it. I think this is one of the reasons the churches and scientology have gone on for so long as it takes a bit of getting out of the mind control firsts before you see that it’s the tech that it faulty and not the people! So insidious and so evil.

      Reply
      • Dawn says

        November 6, 2015 at 4:19 am

        This aside, my biggest struggle with the concept of the Idle Morgue strategy that I have is how anyone, astute business people who know to the contrary, believe that all it takes to draw the crowds, it is an impressive building.

        Another mystery is, why didn’t Hubbard grasp this concept? He could have conquered the world by the 60s, at the very least by the 70s! Is koolaid laced with something?

        $cientology makes you stupid.

        Reply
        • TruthTeller says

          November 6, 2015 at 10:32 am

          What processes made you stupid?

          Reply
          • mark marco says

            November 6, 2015 at 2:56 pm

            all of them

            Reply
      • Ann B Watson says

        November 6, 2015 at 10:45 am

        Hi Dawn, Good to meet you.Your post makes sense and you bring up some good points.Yes I cannot begin to figure Ron let alone David out! I agree though never blame the tech it is all the applicators fault always!Like a gigantic maze that you never can get out of unless you hack your way out!Always,Ann.

        Reply
  6. hgc10 says

    November 5, 2015 at 6:18 pm

    The Central Files begging comms thing is really funny. Here is a religion unique in the world for their devotion to record-keeping, and they absolutely suck at it. That’s like if Christians couldn’t remember the name of that guy who got crucified.

    Reply
    • Leslie Bates says

      November 5, 2015 at 7:24 pm

      Brian?

      Reply
      • CleverK says

        November 5, 2015 at 9:05 pm

        You know, it never occurred to me that without the existence of Christianity we might never have had some of the best Python humor in their history…. nah still not worth it. And I’m sure the lads would agree.

        Now I need to do something to get that vagina-like image from the one flyer out of my head. I’ll bet you one group of people at the CoS who are on drugs, is the marketing guys.

        Reply
  7. slickDroid says

    November 5, 2015 at 6:03 pm

    As always, Excellent material Mike 🙂

    OT IX and X

    In 1986, at the LRH Memorial Event in Los Angeles, it was announced that LRH had completed the OT Levels up to OT XV. We were told at that event that all the levels up to OT X were fully written up and codified, awaiting only their release by Scientology Management, and that the balance of the OT levels needed only to be codified.

    That was 26 years ago. Children have been born, grown up and graduated college since that announcement was made.

    Only one of these levels has been released, OT VIII. That level was released 23 years ago. And, as noted here, there have been three different versions of OT VIII. Three different versions of a level supposedly “fully compiled” in 1986. But no OT IX and X.

    Why?

    Of course, there has been plenty of talk about OT IX and X. Lots of talk, lots of promises. The release of OT IX and X was supposed to happen, we were told, “when all Orgs reach the size of Old Saint Hill.” Nowadays, one never hears about “Saint Hill Size Orgs.” Now it’s “Ideal Orgs.” And we still hear tantalizing hints about “OT IX and X” – “come to this special briefing and hear about plans to release OT IX and X.” “Donate now and ensure the future release of OT IX and X.”

    And OT VIIIs are called to the Freewinds for “OT IX and X Preps.”

    But year after year goes by, and these levels are not released.

    Why?

    We all know the Church is desperate for money. We see it in every phone call, every e-mail, every briefing. Don’t you think, if they had new OT Levels in hand, they would find some way to release them? But they don’t.

    Why?

    Here’s the deep, dark secret they don’t want you to know:

    They don’t exist.

    What does exist, according to former Int Base staff, is a number of file cabinets of LRH’s session folders from the last few years of his life, containing his worksheets and notes. They are not compiled into OT levels. They are not codified in any way. And no one, not even the great David Miscavige, has any idea how to compile them.

    But, you ask, what about that 1986 event where it was announced that they were fully compiled, all ready for release? Well, just recall what else was announced at that live event – for instance, that LRH had handed over the reins to Pat Broeker, as per the issue that was handed out, Flag Order 3879. Later we were told that wasn’t true. So what else about that event wasn’t true?

    By Jeff Hawkins (from scientology101.org/)

    Reply
    • Ann B Watson says

      November 5, 2015 at 7:29 pm

      Hi slickDroid, Good to meet you.Thank you for an informative post.When I saw the piece on the imminent release of OT9 & 10, I felt sure that those two levels do not exist in the manner David Miscavige would like his still ins and Sea Org slaves to believe.Ron said and did many curious and strange musings,and since nothing was codified,it is like a complex cipher,you can’t unlock the truth until you decipher the code.I do feel now that the OT Levels were not what I thought would be when in Sea Org.Always,Ann.

      Reply
      • BlindersOff says

        November 5, 2015 at 8:43 pm

        Ann, I believe OT IX is where you learn that David Miscavige was really Manuela Saenz in a previous life, thus giving the whales a greater reality on how he must be fully supported and not allowed to fail again. OT X concerns the Dormouse and Mad Hatter and how to effectively assume their beingness to accomplish one’s goals in the MEST universe.

        Reply
        • Ann B Watson says

          November 6, 2015 at 10:40 am

          Hi BlindersOff, Love U love your post! Perfect start to the day,those mysterious Upper OT Levels the Dormouse,Mad Hatter and Alice ones,pay millions and fall right down the Scientology Rabbit chute over and over again!?Ann.

          Reply
          • BlindersOff says

            November 6, 2015 at 11:09 am

            Thanks Ann – I got it straight from the White Rabbit.

            Reply
    • WalkSoftly says

      November 6, 2015 at 1:04 am

      I find all of this so puzzling. Even if other levels did exist, bottom line (to me, a ‘never in’) is that it is just more made up crap from a science fiction writer &/or his protégé. Frauds. Charlatans. It was always about money. It’s still all about money.

      Reply
      • KatherineINCali says

        November 6, 2015 at 11:15 pm

        Absolutely. It’s mind blowing what those still in will believe. If only they could – or would – see.

        Reply
  8. BlindersOff says

    November 5, 2015 at 5:58 pm

    From: COB
    To: OSA – All Sectors

    URGENT – THIS MEANS WHAT IT SAYS. IT IS NOT OPEN TO INTERPRETATION. IT WAS TRUE WHEN I WROTE IT AND WILL REMAIN TRUE FROM HERE ON OUT.

    Your only target right now is to terminatedly handle Leah Remini. What this means is to shut her down and not allow her any more air time or press coverage.

    Time Machine: 168 hours.

    Report compliance via usual channels.

    Let’s hop to it. NOW!

    Captain David Miscavige

    Reply
    • Jose Chung says

      November 5, 2015 at 8:00 pm

      A real message from David Miscavige would be almost incoherent
      full of profanities,cross orders,wrong targets.
      Biggest problem is that David Mscavige has the “REVERSE MIDAS TOUCH”
      That is all the Gold he Touches turns to cardboard.

      Reply
      • Missionary Kid says

        November 6, 2015 at 12:19 am

        Cardboard? That would be waaaay to good.

        Everything he touches turns to shit.

        Reply
  9. BlindersOff says

    November 5, 2015 at 5:22 pm

    Mike, too bad Abby didn’t pull a Jenny Linson a la LAX. She undoubtedly passed up a golden opportunity in this golden age by really impinging and showing off her ability to shatter suppression and publicly demonstrate the workability of the tech. Perhaps GAT 3 will get her up to speed.

    Reply
  10. Aquamarine says

    November 5, 2015 at 5:17 pm

    “Our Princess Warrior and Governor of the vast Valley Territory”.

    One would think that Nancy Cartwright would cringe in embarrassment at being referred to in this way.

    Why don’t they just say her name? Everyone knows who she is.

    Reply
    • Old Surfer Dude says

      November 6, 2015 at 10:51 am

      “Our Princess Warrior and Governor of the vast Valley Territory,” has probably been copywrited by the cult already. I mean, if you just say, ‘Nancy Cartwright,’ it just doesn’t measure up.

      Reply
      • Ann B Watson says

        November 6, 2015 at 11:23 am

        Hi OSD, I am so behind the times! I read Princess Warrior and the Vast Valley Territory and thought I had stumbled on a parody of Game of Thrones! I can think of some very creative names to call that woman and her territory!Always,Ann.

        Reply
        • BlindersOff says

          November 6, 2015 at 11:31 am

          Ann, don’t hold back!

          Reply
  11. BlindersOff says

    November 5, 2015 at 3:53 pm

    Meagan, I’m not going to be 1.1 about this. Go fuck yourself.

    Reply
  12. Sunny Sands says

    November 5, 2015 at 3:47 pm

    The Flag graduation announcement said there was going to be first time ever event on Saturday in “Flag’s field”. I was wondering if this location is what they also called “Osceola Courtyard” in the Aug. Freedom mag. It’s their newest park at the corner of Drew St. and N. Ft. Harrison Ave. in Clearwater.

    This is also across the street from where they put up Winter Wonderland.

    Reply
    • Nobly says

      November 5, 2015 at 8:00 pm

      Which they are already getting ready to set up. I saw trucks filled with Wonderland parts parked at that corner on Monday. Downtown Clearwater at 8:30a is like a ghost town. Us locals know that the fastest way through downtown is Ft. Harrison, rather than the heavily traveled Myrtle St. So sad.

      Reply
    • Ron Dolittle says

      November 5, 2015 at 11:56 pm

      Is Godot gonna be there?

      Reply
      • Old Surfer Dude says

        November 6, 2015 at 10:52 am

        God knows I’ve been waiting for him all my life…

        Reply
  13. freebeeing says

    November 5, 2015 at 2:20 pm

    wooo hooo!!! A new EVENT! Can’t wait to attend the Filing Event at Harlem borg. I can’t wait until the DM itself will be hosting Filing Events LIVE from LA. Heressssss David! Howdy folks, tonight we have an epic watershed magnificent opportunity to bring planetary vassalage to all the big beings of Earth. Moreover with this never before seen Golden Age of Filing we will see unprecedented expansion, galactic in proportion, topping anything you could possibly imagine on the whole track!

    OK, we’ll start with the letter A now, here we go….

    mmm, thanks Davey, I can’t wait for episode 2.

    Reply
    • Old Surfer Dude says

      November 6, 2015 at 10:54 am

      Hey, that was Sarcasm 101, wasn’t it? I believe you did post graduate work in this field! Well done!

      Reply
  14. Jose Chung says

    November 5, 2015 at 1:28 pm

    Money Thermometer in promo is a sign of desperation.
    It’s what you don’t see, no business plan for peer review or even a model
    of something. Just a money thermometer and that’s it, children can see the money go up for
    some phantom result that leads to more money thermometers.

    Hay wait a minute what happened with the 50 money thermometers !!!!

    Reply
    • Aquamarine says

      November 5, 2015 at 5:28 pm

      Maybe I have a dirty mind but, intentional or not, San Diego’s money thermometer looks like a phallic symbol to me,

      Reply
      • BlindersOff says

        November 5, 2015 at 6:49 pm

        That may be, but it’s a long way from coming.

        Reply
  15. zemooo says

    November 5, 2015 at 1:06 pm

    500 ot8s?? Are there 500 active OT8s on the whole planet?

    12 WTH ‘booklets’ for $21 Canadian?? Ok, the Canadian Dollar is .75 US today. But 1.75 for one ‘booklet’? What a markup. But then, getting to sell these things does involve earning commission. It is a perk of being a loyal minion. How many can he sell? Not enough to pay a tank of gas or a lunch at McDonalds. Does McDaonalds have an ‘unhappy meal’?

    Abby Juneau ‘put all my dynamics into alignment’?? Chiropractor talk in a clam ‘testimonial’? Who’s is scamming whom?

    Re the Valley, ‘let me know you’re coming and save me some time on the phone.’ Translation: don’t make me find you.

    “How to handle those relatives–the ones who bring everyone else down!” Drunk Uncle can be pain, but he is always part of the holiday fun. Don’t cut him out!!

    San Diego, 30 people in that picture. How are 30 people going to fund an Ideal mOrg??

    Mike, your Thursday Funnies are sadly funny.

    Reply
    • RMycroft says

      November 5, 2015 at 5:03 pm

      The bulk price for those TWTH booklets, from ABLE’s own docs, is 15 cents plus 7 cents royalty.

      Reply
  16. RMycroft says

    November 5, 2015 at 12:22 pm

    For AOSH Canada, they keep using fake images showing new tiles on the roofs. That never happened. There’s a major hiking trail that runs through the property, and the still-old roofs are visible from the trail.

    Reply
  17. John Doe says

    November 5, 2015 at 12:20 pm

    I am very concerned about something:

    Aren’t all the monumental milestones in peril of being washed away by all the epic watershed moments?

    Reply
    • Old Surfer Dude says

      November 5, 2015 at 2:52 pm

      And you know, John Doe, that’s my biggest fear. Just imagine all those milestones stacking up or in peril of being washed away! How sad! I mean, I know milestones are just rocks, but, to me, they’re special rocks. But, alas, the watershed moments (And boy did I have fun on the farm inside those watersheds) will certainly overshadow the monumental milestones. I not sure I can go on……

      Reply
  18. MostEthicalPimp says

    November 5, 2015 at 12:18 pm

    Oh no, numbers not matching up! Their unrealistic goal of 500 OT’s ready for OT IX and X is pretty telling. If Scientology had 10 million active members (since the 90s?) than 500 would be 0.005%. Seams like very very few have made it up the bridge or one or both of those numbers are BS. If one percent of the magical 10 million completed to OT 8 and they had about 20 years to do so mind you. Then let’s say you wanted 10% of those people ready for OT IX and X that’s 10,000. Of course, one in ten is still pretty disimile numbers since GAT2 is now two years old. But can you imagine the upset and conflict with reality asking for 10,000 completes would create. I’m wondering how many UTRs are going to go in and do whatever DM has put together for the OT IX and X and quickly come out to report exactly what DM has put together.

    Reply
    • Espiando says

      November 5, 2015 at 1:41 pm

      Wouldn’t it be hysterical if they stole Excalibur and OT Life Repair from Ron’s Orgs and made them OTIX and OTX?

      Reply
      • BlindersOff says

        November 5, 2015 at 2:50 pm

        Don’t give them any ideas!

        Reply
      • Old Surfer Dude says

        November 5, 2015 at 2:53 pm

        Whoa! That blows my mind!

        Reply
  19. lawgrrl34 says

    November 5, 2015 at 11:46 am

    I work not far from the San Diego Scientology building and that place is dead 99 percent of the time. I rarely see people entering the building and they almost never have body routers out on the street. Not to mention the fact that the building they are in is fairly historic, so why buy a new one? Makes no sense to me. Their biggest recruitment vehicle is Craig’s List ads, which a bunch of us flag as inappropriate all the time.

    Reply
    • Simple says

      November 5, 2015 at 12:07 pm

      Last I knew, they were going to add some height to the building they were in, which they already owned. I think I remember seeing that they were moving in to a temporary location while their building is expanded and redecorated.

      Reply
      • Missionary Kid says

        November 5, 2015 at 2:53 pm

        San Diego has supposedly purchased a parking structure to replace the parking lot that is now their ground floor. They are supposedly going to fill in the ground floor with classrooms or an auditorium. While this is being done, they will be moving to “temporary” quarters.

        I went in there several months ago and talked to them. I was there about 45 minutes in the lobby, and they didn’t even ask me my address or try to sell me anything.

        I only saw one person stop by who probably wasn’t on staff when I was there. They claimed that the parking lot, which was fairly full, wasn’t rented out to anyone else,but had people who were in the building.

        Reply
        • BlindersOff says

          November 5, 2015 at 7:48 pm

          Perhaps a little Truth Rundown will change your perspective.

          Reply
    • Old Surfer Dude says

      November 5, 2015 at 3:09 pm

      Lawgrrl34, I’ve driven by what I believe to be the old org. As for a lack of body routers, I think it’s because they’ve had such bad press lately, they don’t want to go out and confront wogs and their comments. And, PLEASE keep flagging Craig’s List!

      My wife and I use San Diego as a 3 day get a away as we’re just 90 mile up the coast. I was at Balboa Park when I spotted cult members. I told my wife I was going to have a little fun. So I walked up to them singing and the commented that I was a happy person. I agreed with them. One gal put me on the meter for a while. Afterwards, I asked her how long she had been in. She replied, “Thirty years.” Now this was probably 15 or so years ago. I said to her, “You might know my cousin, DAVID MAYO. She promptly said, “You don’t talk to that guy anymore do you?” I replied, “Why would I let a toxic and vicious cult that destroys families stop me from talking with my relatives?” When I didn’t leave, they packed up and left.

      Reply
      • BlindersOff says

        November 5, 2015 at 3:47 pm

        That was a mean thing to do. Well done!

        Reply
        • Old Surfer Dude says

          November 5, 2015 at 6:40 pm

          I know..it was mean. But it was so much fun at the same time!

          Reply
          • BlindersOff says

            November 5, 2015 at 7:29 pm

            That deadly serious activity shit must be taking its toll.

            Reply
            • Old Surfer Dude says

              November 6, 2015 at 10:56 am

              I certainly hope so, BlindersOff…

              Reply
  20. Simple says

    November 5, 2015 at 11:14 am

    The Abby Juneau promo must have been pulled out of some old mothballs. She mentions finding her perfect husband and says they are now married. Mike Juneau died 2 or 3 years ago.

    Reply
    • Mike Rinder says

      November 5, 2015 at 11:57 am

      When I saw her at Whole Foods she was with some guy that appeared to be her 2D. Older guy. I am sure one of the Clearwater people knows who he is.

      Reply
      • Simple says

        November 5, 2015 at 12:03 pm

        Then I stand corrected. 🙂

        Reply
        • Old Surfer Dude says

          November 5, 2015 at 1:19 pm

          Yeah, at my age, I can only sit corrected….

          Reply
      • shelgold says

        November 5, 2015 at 1:25 pm

        George Malnadi (not sure of the spelling). He is/was a veterinarian that has been on Tampa FDN staff since 2005. He was the Exec Esto when I was there.

        Reply
      • Chee Chalker says

        November 5, 2015 at 1:50 pm

        Mike, did you pull out your powerful OT repellent or did powerful OT Abby confront and shatter you?
        Let me guess…. She employed the powerful ‘run away’ tech….

        Reply
        • BlindersOff says

          November 5, 2015 at 7:53 pm

          It’s one of the choices mentioned by LRH when confronted by a black panther – namely, flee.

          Mike Rinder probably has those nasty cat eyes.

          Reply
    • McCarran says

      November 5, 2015 at 7:04 pm

      The hostess sat her and her daughter (I believe) within 1 foot of me at a restaurant. I was trying to say hello but I could see her silent freak out when she recognized who she was sitting right next to. She got the hostess to seat them some place else. It is humorous how an OT VIII, Class 8 can “confront.” Glad to read the promo recognizing her Class 8 status, since there is no such thing in the new GAT II arena.

      Reply
  21. RMycroft says

    November 5, 2015 at 11:04 am

    LA Charter Committee Christmas Party: “Location to be announced”.

    I doubt they’ll announce it publicly. A few years ago, they had it at Executive Software‎ aka Diskeeper aka Condusiv Technologies, during when a troll was trying to claim that they no longer used any Hubbard Management Tech in the company. Ha! They’d hardly have the Charter Committee event at a place no longer in good standing with Scientology. All mention of the event was scrubbed off the Charter Committee site, but too late.

    Reply
  22. Leslie Bates says

    November 5, 2015 at 10:42 am

    Oh, “summers are interesting” (?)

    Try a Minnesota winter.

    Reply
    • Old Surfer Dude says

      November 5, 2015 at 11:41 am

      Been there done that, froze my buns off. But, Minneapolis is a really a beautiful city. And the people are wonderful. Anyone for Minneapolis Nice?

      Reply
      • shelgold says

        November 5, 2015 at 1:31 pm

        Just spent 4 days in Minneapolis. Did Halloween with my daughter, son-in-law and granddaughters. It is a beautiful city. But, avoid in winter (November-April)

        Reply
        • Old Surfer Dude says

          November 5, 2015 at 3:14 pm

          My wife had won two tickets to the NBA All Star weekend when she filled out a card at a Lakers game. It was held at the Target Center in Minneapolis. My son and I went. When we arrived it was 16 degrees. Of course we were freezing. The guy helping us with our luggage said, “This is a heat wave! Two days ago it was 30 below.” Suffice to say, we still had a great time!

          Reply
  23. Kevin says

    November 5, 2015 at 10:37 am

    Why do the most capable people on the planet need so much help filing folders away? And does anyone who is willing to spend their Saturday filing away paperwork also have access to the confidential material in someone’s folder?

    Reply
    • Foolproof says

      November 5, 2015 at 12:41 pm

      Kevin, Central Files folders are not the PC folders, just the letters sent to and from the person

      Reply
  24. Old Surfer Dude says

    November 5, 2015 at 10:30 am

    Conner Sonnenfeld. How the Hell did they come up with Sonenfild? Are they that overworked that they can’t get a last name right? Or even attempt to?

    Reply
    • Espiando says

      November 5, 2015 at 1:31 pm

      It gets better. Did you notice where the bumf originated? Cincy Idle Morgue Of Kentucky. The Morgue that has been run for dog’s years by Jeannie Sonnenfeld (formerly Bogvat and a whole bunch of other names that escape me). This is not a name that should be misspelled by them.

      So, is Connor Jeannie’s son, following in his mother’s footsteps as a reg?

      Reply
      • Old Surfer Dude says

        November 5, 2015 at 3:15 pm

        Laughter! Scientology: The ALWAYS get it wrong!

        Reply
  25. thegman77 says

    November 5, 2015 at 10:28 am

    Droll comment, BBJ. 🙂

    Reply
  26. hgc10 says

    November 5, 2015 at 9:46 am

    What’s the first think you notice about the TV studio shown in the “Planetary Dissemination” begging letter? Like with so many other pieces, there are no people and no activity. After completion of the KCET retrofit, why on Xenu’s green Earth, aren’t they showing a picture of TV production activity going on in that space? You have the monumental paving stones laid out in the courtyard. So, get busy disseminating already! There are eleventy billion people watching TV on this prison planet. They thirst for solutions!

    Reply
  27. Newcomer says

    November 5, 2015 at 9:34 am

    ” Per the data we have, you have not availed yourself yet of your next step (Purif and SRD) and are not ready for OT VIII, is that correct?

    We want to assist you to make the target of getting started before the 2nd anniversary of GAT II release, 17 November, on whatever your next step is.

    Please respond with the rundown you are doing next and when you will start:

    Purif Starting date:

    SRD Starting date:

    Much love,
    Mariteres Suter, Bridge Control Tracking Officer ”

    Yo Mariteres,
    We last had a discussion in late August of 2003 after completing otviii … as it were. We were having a discussion about my returning the following Spring for the Maidan Vouerage of 2004. You were being very effusive about all of the fun to be had ………… I was thinking that once I got off that boat ……….. there is no way I would ever return. The wins and gains I had received from my leaving base sec check were so over the top ………….

    Think about it Mariteres, I had just spent two weeks on the boat doing new otviii (the highest level/state on the bridge over the River Kwai) and you are concerned about what transgressions I may have made during my stay) ……… You guys really have a level of confidence in your products that is unmatched!! And as I sat there listening to the auditor droning on putting in button after button trying to get a read on something; or perhaps an f/n ………….OMG, how could anyone even think there could be an f/n in existence with that sort of treatment going on. The best part is that I was even paying for it! It was so insane I began to laugh …… and the F/N came with the knowledge that I would never be back. And so it was!

    Anyway, there is my ‘response’. And my last rundown was the run-out of the cult …… and yes …..it is DONE!
    As an FYI, It was and continues to be so totally awesome and unbelievable I doubt if my f/n will ever stop!

    Reply
    • BlindersOff says

      November 5, 2015 at 7:55 pm

      Enjoy your win. Love Ron. Oops.

      Reply
  28. mike powrs says

    November 5, 2015 at 9:30 am

    Re my comment a few day about leaving scientology, i am just a normal scientologist, I run and own business which employs about 20+ scientologists. My worry is if I leave, they may have to leave their job or they may be instructed to kill the business. I have been trying to get a number of wogs in recently but think the ex so getting suspicious.

    Reply
    • clearlypissedoff says

      November 5, 2015 at 10:22 am

      That makes it a bit difficult with other peoples livelihood at risk and also the possibility that they could stay and attempt to destroy your business. I would suggest is that you just quit being an active Scientologist. Don’t go to their events, don’t donate and gradually just remove yourself from their grip. If anyone questions your motives, just tell them you are slowing things down with your church activity to be able to concentrate on your business. Good idea on getting non-scientologists into your company.

      Reply
      • thetaclear says

        November 5, 2015 at 11:18 am

        Mike Powrs : “Re my comment a few day about leaving scientology, i am just a normal scientologist, I run and own business which employs about 20+ scientologists. My worry is if I leave, they may have to leave their job or they may be instructed to kill the business. I have been trying to get a number of wogs in recently but think the ex so getting suspicious.”

        Dear Mike , Why exactly do you want to leave Scientology ? Your clear answer to that question might help me in coming up with the best advice I can.

        Best regards
        Peter

        Reply
    • Old Surfer Dude says

      November 5, 2015 at 10:24 am

      Hmmmm. Using the word “wogs” indicates to me you still have an us against them mentality. And by saying that you are “…just a normal scientologist…,” would that be the cult or the Freezone? Just wondering….

      Reply
      • Newcomer says

        November 5, 2015 at 2:19 pm

        What is a “normal Scientologist’ anyway?

        I considered myself a normal scientologist! Heavy Kool aide drinker for 30+ years, Low IQ, Know Best that was whiney, broke and did as I was told …….. sort of!!

        Glad that’s over!

        Reply
        • Old Surfer Dude says

          November 5, 2015 at 3:16 pm

          No shit! Me too!

          Reply
    • Newcomer says

      November 5, 2015 at 2:38 pm

      Mike Powrs,
      How about holding a staff meeting to discuss the sale of your business to the employees. Get together with the High Mistress of the Valley to float a loan to buy you out (you can throw in some extra cash for a dono to Valley at the same time).

      So now you have been bought out and since the business has been cleansed of counter intention, the stats will soar for all of those still in and everyone is happy.

      Reply
  29. Visitor says

    November 5, 2015 at 9:19 am

    I womder how long they can afford to keep the MV Rustbuckets manned and cruising allong.

    Reply
    • Leslie Bates says

      November 5, 2015 at 10:40 am

      They’ll have to tow it.

      Reply
      • Ann B Watson says

        November 5, 2015 at 11:27 am

        Hi Visitor,Good to meet you! That rustbucket,$Winds,has been longing to leave the sea years ago! What a difference a new coat of paint makes each year!Too bad one can’t see the bones of the ship,I would not sail on her! She is running on a finite supply of Theta Power now.The OTs are unable to slow the aging process down.The $Winds keeps getting older and so do those OTs.David Miscavige still has access to plenty of cash,he just needs to decide how he will squander it all! OT 9 $ 10 are such pie in the sky hooks for those still blind.Always,Ann.

        Reply
        • Leslie Bates says

          November 5, 2015 at 11:57 am

          Too bad the Costa Concordia is being scrapped.

          Reply
      • Old Surfer Dude says

        November 5, 2015 at 11:43 am

        At some point, hopefully, they’ll have to sink that toxic ship.

        Reply
  30. RogerHornaday says

    November 5, 2015 at 9:18 am

    The Feewinds World Tour is back and it will cruise past a submerged ASHO, only the top floor visible as it peeks out of the waters that now engulf it. Yep, that promo gets my nomination for the most tellingly symbolic scientology graphic of the week.

    Reply
    • thegman77 says

      November 5, 2015 at 10:26 am

      My first thought, too, on seeing the tidal wave. Created, of course, by the Freewinds’ “flank” speed of about 10 knots, if that. LOL And “WORLD” tour??? I guess I have a different idea of the size of the world. Theirs seems to extend to the Carib and not beyond. I doubt that rust bucket could safely cruise anywhere in the Atlantic.

      Reply
      • RMycroft says

        November 5, 2015 at 11:19 am

        They’re currently off their usual ABC+C course, and are currently in Barbados.

        Is there a big scrap dealer there? 😛

        Reply
  31. Bystander says

    November 5, 2015 at 8:59 am

    I love the Freewinds one, charging onto the beach (you can even see a rock in the breakers), as a tsunami of black PR breaks over big blue.

    Or did I misinterpret that image??

    Reply
    • Ann B Watson says

      November 5, 2015 at 11:30 am

      Hi Bystander, I like your post.I think you nailed that image perfectly! Thank you.Ann.

      Reply
    • Regraded Being says

      November 5, 2015 at 11:37 am

      I had a different take. The water level has already reached the top floors of the building. I’m not really sure if the rising water represents the Psychs or all of the joined at the hip people that keep Karin Pouw busy writing but I have no doubt it’s something deeply symbolic. What is really not clear is; Is the Freewinds already docked to the building or is it approaching or sailing away? That leads to the question, ” Was the ship there to pick up some Big Beings and rescue them from the impending flood of entheta or did it stop to unload some of the degraded beings that may have been discovered to be on board? I’d really love to meet the person who put this together. It’s one of the best artistic concepts I’ve see that’s represetative of the current state of the church. (I just hope they haven’t been already RPFed)

      Reply
      • Ann B Watson says

        November 5, 2015 at 3:32 pm

        Hi Regraded Being,I like your take on the $Winds promo piece much better than my first take on it.I tend to favor #2 option of unloading some of the DBs found on board! Thank you for the smile!The RPF will rehabilitate one that is for sure.I hope the originator of the piece got what was needed from it and no punishment for it!I can add this one piece to my creepy collection of Artist on the whole track and the landlord office one,Always love,Ann.

        Reply
      • Ron Dolittle says

        November 6, 2015 at 12:16 am

        the skipper must be drunk, he is going way too fast that close to a building, the wake will probably swamp the top floor as well and then there is probably a pier at the end of the slip,that gonna hurt.

        Reply
    • Old Surfer Dude says

      November 5, 2015 at 11:44 am

      No, you were spot on…

      Reply
  32. Leslie Bates says

    November 5, 2015 at 8:58 am

    I saw Mark bunker’s update on the Knowledge Report film, especially the part where he;s speaking to staff members about the behavior of DM without actually mentioning his name and then asking if Dianetics could help him.

    Funny.

    Seriously? Couldn’t the official church put out something like a wanted poster describing SP’s like MB, etc?

    (And somewhere in a super-duper secret facility someone is writing a report on the SP who dares to suggest how an SP should be handled.) 😉

    Reply
  33. basketballjane says

    November 5, 2015 at 8:58 am

    These promo pieces are soooooooo telling. Ken Shapiro pictured. RPFed and exiled now smiling on a business promo piece.

    And Andres Rodriguez is the Senior C/S of AOLA?????? I guess somebody got in trouble once the audio of him speaking got released. To go from Senior C/S West US to AOLA. Whoa man. Bad news for him. Next step, Letter Reg.

    Reply
    • BlindersOff says

      November 5, 2015 at 10:21 am

      Fond memories of Andres screaming at me at the top of his lungs about my out-tech in the C/S Office at Flag with another C/S present.

      Re his recent demotion, he probably hasn’t gotten over Jessica leaving him. Dude is PTS to Tommy Davis!

      Reply
      • Old Surfer Dude says

        November 5, 2015 at 11:48 am

        Since you knew him personally, BlindersOff, can you give him a call and ask him how they’re doing with 700 new public coming in EACH WEEK! I mean, does he need some help? In a month that’s 2,800 new public! Hey, Blinders, maybe we should pay him a visit to see how he’s fairing….

        Reply
        • BlindersOff says

          November 5, 2015 at 2:22 pm

          Well OSD, we don’t want to disturb him as he’s obviously so busy making sure people are getting all those amazing gains from an overdose of Objectives. Perhaps a framed photo of The Hole as a reminder that he keep his ethics in and not be demoted any further.

          Reply
        • Newcomer says

          November 5, 2015 at 2:27 pm

          We could stop by and get ourselves body routed into the Morgue OSD. Then once inside we could begin a noisy discussion of the new book out by Leah …………………….. that ought to get some juices flowing in an otherwise dead space!

          Reply
          • Old Surfer Dude says

            November 5, 2015 at 3:18 pm

            Outstanding idea! Simply outstanding! I would love to do that!

            Reply
      • Aquamarine says

        November 5, 2015 at 5:54 pm

        According to Leah Remini, Jessica Feshbach, in front of Tommy Davis and others, referred to her then husband, Andres Rodrigues, as a Beaner. Real class. I’m sure Latino Scientologists everywhere will appreciate that very much.

        Reply
        • BlindersOff says

          November 5, 2015 at 6:48 pm

          I’m sure it was all done in the spirit of play, kind of like calling one of your black friends nigger, right?

          Reply
          • Aquamarine says

            November 5, 2015 at 11:04 pm

            Absolutely. “Spirit of Play”. Jessica is just so cute, and so much more uptone than her beaner ex that she dumped him for Tommy Davis. I wonder what Anne “Do I look brainwashed to you?” Archer thinks of this illustrious, uptone couple who both broke their billion year SO Contracts. But I digress.

            Reply
            • Aquamarine says

              November 5, 2015 at 11:06 pm

              And, Anne, I’d like to answer that question by saying, “Yes”.

              Yes, you do look brainwashed, Anne.

              You’re welcome.

              Reply
            • BlindersOff says

              November 5, 2015 at 11:53 pm

              I love when Anne asked John Sweeney the loaded question “Do I look brainwashed to you?” My first response to that was, “You kinda do.” ?

              Reply
            • BlindersOff says

              November 5, 2015 at 11:55 pm

              Tommy, come back. You’re so much more fun than Karin Pouw!

              Reply
    • Old Surfer Dude says

      November 5, 2015 at 10:27 am

      Wait…..what? He’s not going to be the head licker of bathroom floors? I guess Letter Reg will have to do…

      Reply
      • Jose Chung says

        November 5, 2015 at 11:55 am

        Andres is an oarsman in the wrong rowing galley.
        D.M.will have him cleaning toilets with a tooth bush
        between AO C/S’s and rowing the boat till he drops.

        Reply
        • Old Surfer Dude says

          November 5, 2015 at 1:26 pm

          Andres is also NOT a good liar. I’ll never forget his line re the 700 new public a week: “It’s happening! It is! It is! It is!” Andres, you can say “it is” till the cows come home but we all know you’re lying for the midget. It’s actually just the opposite. NO ONE NEW IS COMING IN.

          Reply
    • Lars says

      November 5, 2015 at 12:38 pm

      So many old faces in LA and not a single new.
      All old-timers still plugging along. It is really a
      dying org. (Mind you, all very good people but
      so very snowed).
      DM, what are you going to do to revive this scene
      and bring in some fresh raw meat? (No GMO
      please!)

      Reply
      • Newcomer says

        November 5, 2015 at 2:31 pm

        Speaking of raw meat, I wonder how the staff are dealing with all the hoopla being caused by Daves PR blunders. I suspect they are beginning to feel a tad raw about now.

        Reply
        • Old Surfer Dude says

          November 5, 2015 at 3:19 pm

          Oh, no doubt!

          Reply
        • BlindersOff says

          November 5, 2015 at 8:01 pm

          Staff member caught masturbating by the Ethics Officer.

          MAA: What the hell are you doing?!

          Staff: Handling raw meat.

          Reply
          • Old Surfer Dude says

            November 6, 2015 at 10:59 am

            ROTFLMAO!!!! Now that’s some funny shit! Instant Classic! Bravo!

            Damn, BlindersOff, you’re good. Real good!

            Reply
            • BlindersOff says

              November 6, 2015 at 11:08 am

              Perhaps Stephen Colbert can do a piece on it: Onanism in Ideal Orgs.

              Reply
            • Cindy says

              November 7, 2015 at 3:00 pm

              Well what else is an Only One supposed to do?

              Reply

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