Tony Ortega has Sunday Funnies.
Today, I have Thursday Funnies. Some Special Correspondents sent these in and I could not withhold them from bringing a smile to the faces of readers of this blog (especially as the posting coming up tomorrow is one of the least funny things ever to appear on this blog).
This first is one of the funniest (saddest?) things I have seen in a very long time.
Apparently someone created a pack to overcome objections people have to joining the Sea Org. Obviously potential recruits have heard about the food. Or maybe they have seen it.
So, in typical scientology style, they “dead agent” the false rumors with some FACTS.
This “randomly picked” menu from PAC for a week is about as factual as one of Miscavige’s Int even speeches.
I guarantee you could give this “menu” to any Sea Org member in the world and ask them what it is and they would never in a million years answer that they recognized it as having anything to do with the food they eat.
It just goes to show that when it comes to lying in an effort to make themselves look good, these people have no peers.
And then I got a second one and I just had to share it.
A course designed to handle financial stress! Of course. A surveyed button.
It is the briefest and most effective course in the history of scientology.
It contains all financial wisdom in a single sentence: Change your phone number, email address and stay away from anything associated with corporate scientology.
This is 100% GUARANTEED to lessen your financial stress.
And that IS a money back guarantee!
:
Come on – stop complaining!
Sure, my experience is nearly 3 decades old but – hey, I joined royalty – INCOMM – and we did have our own chef who created some pretty good food 🙂
You just have to chose the right org – when I then later chose the RPF I quickly noticed that this was not such a good choice – but at least I knew where to go to get the leftovers of the INCOMM staff – fun times (looking back)!
hum?
I was at Flag in the early 80’s and have to say the grub was rather good.
But I do like a good salad and there was a ground beef burger stall down the road if you wanted that sort of crap.
I would like to know why Kosher meat is on the flag menu.
I thought the C of S was against animal cruelty and only supported himan cruelty
I occasionally pop into ESMB to catch up on the latest entheta and came across this little post and I am sure ESMB won’t mind me borrowing it:
http://www.glendalenewspress.com/new…,2390083.story
“An unidentified man entered the Mission of the Foothills Church of Scientology on Tuesday and began yelling derogatory statements against Scientology and allegedly severed computer wires before being escorted out, according to police. Around 11 p.m., the suspect, described as a white male in his 50s, entered the center at 2254 Honolulu Ave. and started causing a disturbance, said Glendale Police Spokeswoman Tahnee Lightfoot.
A church employee asked the man to leave and escorted him out of the building, Lightfoot said.
It was later found that the man had apparently cut the wires to computers in the lobby by unknown means, leaving the severed wires behind, she said. Two Scientology books on display were also damaged, Lightfoot said. A witness described the suspect as being 5’ 1” tall with an average build and graying blond hair. He was wearing a straitjacket, blue jeans and a T-shirt. The witness told police they had never seen the man at the church before. Officers searched the area, but were unable to find the suspect. Anyone who has any information about the man is asked to call the Glendale Police Department at (818) 548-4840. The man was shouting out phrases such as ‘Scientology should be destroyed’, and ‘ I hate auditors’ and ‘I am the true source'”.
(You will notice however that I have changed the height and age of the suspect and a few other things as this sounds too much like COB paying a visit to this Org for silly reporting errors like this to creep in!)
Wholesale mutiny would of course be one solution! Only thing is is has never really happened in real revolutions – it was always “sponsored” by another vested interest. I suppose it depends on how less malevolent the vested interest is but as is stands now anything has to be better than this travesty of “Scientology”. Imagine if all staff worldwide said “NO! Get lost!” I think a few Orgs did this in the past (Buffalo?) and certainly some missions as we have seen recently with Dror. Ah! But now we see why the RTC or whoever “own” the buildings and the Orgs must pay “rent”. One has to admit that even Stalin and Chairman Mao could take a few lessons from Dave.
One wonders if there is a secret book somewhere called “The Dictator’s Handbook” that people like COB (and Chairman Mao, Stalin etc.) have read and of course are applying. This would have such entries as “keep your subjects hungry and tired and with no time to think about things and throw them a few scraps from your magnificently stocked table now and then like a 4 pack of beer (6 pack is too much) at Christmas or a slice of pizza – but only if they are ‘upstat'”. Dave can get a job with Kim Jong Un when he is finally thrown out, as “Chief Advisor”. Long live the Revolution!
At least they got one thing right: “Many newly arrived members of the Sea Org EPF are amazed at the food they get in the Sea Org.” I’ll bet they are.
I can’t help but remember the MONTHS of beans and rice ONLY. MONTHS. For every single meal. Continuously….every….single…..day. We did have some salsa sometimes, and ketchup to put on them to make them taste different, but the cook probably even got into trouble for trying to do that and make the crew just a teeny-weeny bit happier about the state of affairs. After all, his stats were forced to crash when the order of “beans and rice only” came down from On High. Fuck Mr. On High.
One woman I knew lost about 15 lbs and she wasn’t heavy to begin with. She couldn’t eat the stuff and went hungry day after day. The canteen was making out OK, selling all kinds of packaged snack foods as long as anyone had a couple dollars of pay or money from family or somewhere else to spend on something that tasted different.
Now in contrast, when I first arrived we had steak dinners with baked potatoes and sour cream and veggies, cheescake for dessert with strawberry sauce, drinkable coffee, cheese in scrambled eggs in the morning, toast, jam, oatmeal, orange juice, and more. Sliced roast beef sandwiches for lunch, lemonade or Kool-Aide (yeah….I know…)
OK–enough of that. It went away and NEVER returned except for Christmas dinner and LRH’s birthday dinner. “Real food” twice a year.
As the place was run into the dirt by psychotic Mi$c-management of course there was no decent money to pay for food for that stupid, pathetic crew who could never get anything done.
So I agree with everyone above–that menu is A LIE. Unless they want to say what actual date and time it came from. Maybe people were served things that looked like sausage–you know–the cheapest crap that could possibly be purchased and choked down, but called “sausage” or “hot dogs.” Burgers that are so low quality the dog would turn his nose up at it. I’ve seen that too.
I lived it, I ate that damn “food” and I finally got the hell out of there and escaped from the abuse.
Parents, DON’T LET YOUR KIDS GROW UP TO BE SEA ORG MEMBERS. If you think this is a cool thing to do, my God, get your own shit together and figure out how to raise your kids properly without making them into prisoners that you don’t have to take any more responsibility for. They are YOUR kids. When they’re gone and out of your life forever you will regret it more than anything else you’ve ever experienced.
The Sea Org has become completely anti-family and anti-everything that is physically and spiritually healthy. Hundreds, maybe thousands of ex-SO people will tell you the same. WAKE UP!
GR
As a little aside re saucages, in UK during the war they made saucages with a filler of paper. For reasons best known to God or whoever the manufacturers were allowed to continue to make these saucages after WWII and that is what we often got at AOSHUK.
Greta
Wow….and there you have it. Pretty disgusting and telling as far as how the crew was treated and thought of. Certainly less than human. The money IS there. It’s not like WWII where everyone is tightening up on everything. This is just a matter of squeezing everything out of a person until they are spiritual and emotional Mush and someone else is hiding all the real money that could’ve been feeding the staff properly and paying them a decent wage.
Thanks for the info, Greta.
Here are more Recruiting lies told to get two friends in: one at PAC had a 10 year old daughter, in the late 80’s was told that the SO would pay to send her daughter to a private school and transport her to and from.
An OT VII friend on the level was recruited while on refresher, was told that they’ll give her a beeper and beep her for session (on her refresher) when it was her turn for a session, while she was doing the EPF. She never got a beeper and was shocked to learn that while pulling an all nighter in the EPF, she wouldn’t be let off early to “go sleep to be sessionable for my session tomorrow.”
How does berthing in dormitories with multiple bunk beds work out with all of that rice and beans being served?
I hope that there is always lots of Beano on the table as a condiment.
Seriously though, it is just pure invalidation to treat people who work so hard and are so dedicated to a high purpose in this manner. If the organization couldn’t afford it or if their top leaders ate the same food as the “troops” then it might be forgiven. But this is just Miscavige and his inner circle expressing what they really think of these hard working people. (Let them eat “cake”?)
Going unserious again,
…..perhaps DM should try to explain the difference between how he and his inner circle in the SO dine in comparison to the hard-working troops by using the following presentation by The Yes Men which was presented in 2010 at a major university as a joint project of the World Trade Organization and McDonald’s, Inc.:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZP_nNemsNT8
Sinar Parman, are you out there? I’d love to get a menu of a typical week of DM’s 6 meals a day (every 2 1/2 hrs) of organic food and fish flown in etc for him. Publish that and then remind everyone that the SO slaves eat beans and rice for months on end all three meals. Prisoners in jail eat better than this and don’t have to work.
My contempt for Miscavige is in a power condition.
Not all of this menu is even available to the public in the canteen at full price. I was there 18 months ago and visited the canteen a number of times while I was getting my auditing with an Independent auditor nearby. ( I wanted to see the scene at the Pac Base up close) The food was ok and fairly priced and the coffee was great, but that was for the paying public.
For Dave to be sitting on a billion and not have the sense to at least feed his slaves well is just stupid. Food and rest are so basic to survival it is no wonder he works so hard to deny both.
Food and rest are also needed for critical thinking…so…not on the menu.
If there’s more intel on these DA packs I’m chomping at the bit. Can’t wait to read ” the true data” about Sea Org berthing, for example. Oh, this is rich! They’re on the defensive, big time. They may just have to start delivering to some degree on these promises. The Sea Org’s ethics are getting put in – by the BDAs on the Fringe of the Internet.
Per HCO PL 29 April 1965 III Ethics Review point 5: “Talking to somebody about another derogatorily.”
Sad thing is, you could probably show this menu to an existing Sea Org member and they would just shrug it off saying that it was necessary for good PR.
This Sea Org you speak of truly sounds like a worker’s paradise! Where do I sign up?
I noticed Saturday had “Sour Doug” with jam.
Yeah, that’s a menu made by chefs, because chefs dont know how to spell “dough”.
Mmmm, that’s some fine Doug.
Who ever typed that up is going to have their ass thrown in the RPF for sure.
Maybe that’s it though – the head chef had a crashing MU on dough, and the whole things downward spiralled to rice and beans.
Mike – Thursday Funnies, yes! This sample menu, OMG, sounds really yummy. I wouldn’t mind eating like this for the next billion years. I’m cracking up. Here’s what comes to mind: the movie “Private Benjamin” with Goldie Hawn as a sheltered, newly widowed Jewish American Princess, and the scene where the recruiter tells her that army barracks are a thing of the past and that she’ll be stationed on a yacht.
I’ll tell you, if the American Still-In Scientology parents fall for this D/A when they begin to seriously consider dumping their kids into the Sea Org – if any of them sign on the dotted line and let their teenager quit school, God help them – the clueless kids raised in a bubble, all on fire to help, and even more, God help those parents when one day they cognite on the magnitude of their overt.
Of course the menu does not mention that you have 10 minutes
to eat and if you are a smoker it will be 5 mins. What a bunch of
baloney!
Wonder why Eddie Frencher lasted 3 weeks in the SO. I assumed it was the food….he’s a big guy. Probably used to the Big Being life style and SO reality was too painful
Besides the menu being a joke I do remember when RTC used to storm into the crew dining room and shout how do they dared to still be eating (staff had only been there 7 minutes) when they themselves were going back to post?
They omitted to tell the crew that they woke up around 8.30, had an excellent breakfast and if they ever felt hungry during the day, food would be brought to them any time.
So, lies, lies and more lies.
However, I had a laugh with the picture you posted here. So, lets keep smiling.
One wonders if (western) corporations or managers of local firms in China and Bangladesh heard of this “modu operandi” and thought “yeah, that sounds a good way to run our sweat shops”. The Irony is the sweat shop workers get paid more! The story is straight out of Animal Farm by George Orwell. I do believe and have read somewhere that LRH was always aghast that the SO were being treated this way by pushy middle managers but the problem is now that there is no LRH and his post has been taken over by a pushy middle manager who has permanently (?) sealed (implanted) this type of operating policy in to the heads of his middle managers (RTC). Such stories are complete anathema to real Scientologists. The only thing I liked about the RTC were those good looking young women in their tight crisp uniforms (sorry about that ladies) but as to the RTC’s way of operating the fact that they agreed to DM’s re-defining of a Floating Needle that has to swing 3 times at least and then got any narrower and other out-tech says it all!
Typo: should be: “and that did not get narrower”
I made a pack with myself that l would allways be on mission or a project in the S.O. so I wouldn’t have to eat that crape. DID A COMBINE TOTAL OF100 MISSIONS AND PROJECTS IN 13YRS.
Menu in the CLO Latam:
breakfast: 2 eggs 1/2 bread and coffe
food: beans, rice and little meat
Dinner: spaggeti, coffee and bread
Lies, lies, lies. It’s like a compulsion in corp. scn. Paint a picture of success, keep pr in, make it look good or seem normal, hyperbolize everything. What a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive….. The weave is thick and matted like a stray shaggy dog, so now, fleas and ticks are the only thing thriving.
I was in the Sea Org for twelve years. After l Ron Hubbard died in 1986, it was mostly beans and rice. There was no salsa and no spices or flavoring added to the beans and rice. Just beans and rice boiled in water and served to the crew.
These menus printed here are lies.
They should have included Captain Davey’s menu. Here is what Lana Mitchell had to say:
“I was put into the kitchens to work and for several years, some three years. I worked in the unit that serviced, that cooked for David Misgavige, his wife and his entourage as well as his guests.”
“We used to cook meals for him every two and a half hours. there was to be a meal prepared and served and ready every two and half hours, fitting to a specific calorie intake, certain amount of fat, certain amount of carbohydrate, certain amount of protein, all very highly regulated but it had to be the best of the best.”
“We‟re talking organic chicken breast, we‟re talking Atlantic Salmon flown in fresh, we‟re talking the best materials that are available. The only lamb we ever got was the corn fed lamb from New Zealand.”
“We used to spend over a thousand dollars, this is in early two thousand, we spend over $1000 a week just on the food order to service this handful of individuals.”
The reason COB eats so well is because he cares so very, very, very much (credit to Tom Cruise for the repetition) for all of us. Right Mike?
Was the corn for the lambs Corn on the COB?
And were the lambs from the flock slaughtered humanely by IAS Registrars? Were their remains left out for Idle Org vultures to pick the last remaining bits of flesh from? I can only hope that the carcasses weren’t left for any yip-yapping hyenas to plunge their snouts into the trough! And was Whale meat on the menu as well (after the fat has been trimmed off)?
Can you please post the rest of the manual? I’m interested to see how Scientology tries to pass off the terror of being the Sea Org. I can only imagine how rosy of a picture they try to paint!
A regular funnies day would be a charm Mike – Scientology watching can be grim stuff
You said it pilgrim,
Yes please Mike,
A ‘Funnies’ subsection here on Thursday plus Tony O’s Funnies on Sunday guarantees at least 2 laughts a week – very healthy!
Greta
Well Mike, at this point I will have to invoke Key & Peele Obama translators:
http://youtu.be/jDpVg-UEGCI
“is there a way to go from stress to success?”
Yes stay the fuck away from Scientology.
Good one…Some bright comedy writer could do the same with Miss Crab Bitch…
One set of The Basics to the person who can discover the original institutional menu that this was copied from. Copied sloppily, I might add. A sleep- and nutritionally-deprived slave typed in “Scrambled & Fries Eggs” and proceeded to copy/paste the error (er, duplicate it) for every morning. May I have some Fries Eggs with my Rice & Beans, sayeth some poor Oliver Twist wannabe.
It was supposed to read “Scrambled Flies & Eggs”
That’s actually scrambled flies and legs.
The “Sa Org” menu was copied from Kiaser Hospital ( across the street from Pac Base)
Copier used is in Canteen next to Lebanon Hall.
I have room fulls of unopened basic books
Thankyou.
I didn’t see beans nor rice on the menu.
That’s only for special events. :0)
That is because it is served with every menu item …….. in quantity! A dab of Salmon, a kernel of ground beef and a plateful of rice and beans. Don’t forget your greens …….. a sprig of parsley will suffice.
Financial Stress Course… Are you short on cash? Finding it difficult to meet those 2nd and 3rd mortgage payments? Run, don’t walk to the registrar to get you on a course to handle that. It’s only $3200 and that may seem like a lot, but we have specially selected SECRET financial works of Ron (hidden for years by a psyche SP infiltrator) that will blow you forty feet out of your skull with the doability of it!!
Get yourself on the road to financial freedom with certainty TODAY!!! (Don’t forget your checkbook)
Is financial stress ruining your life? Are you concerned about the fact that you are stuck on a merry-go-round Flag only Special Rundown (Dynamics Sort out at $6776 per intensive that the reg told you should take 2 intensives to complete) and you already have had 6 intensives? Are you stressed that you have not resolved anything so far? Does the idea of never getting off this rundown cause you a feeling of hopelessness or despair? Is the feeling that you have been lied to causing you stress? How about your job making $450 a week working for a Scientology company in Clearwater? Does the idea that you can NEVER get any resolution to this situation and that one day you wonder if you may scream FUCK IT and decide to bail on Scientology and then LOSE YOUR JOB cause you stress? How about your husband who is a Scientologist and is wondering what the hell your problem is anyway? What if he bails on you and you have to pay rent AND save for your auditing? Does the fact that your kids (who were never Scientologists) stay the HELL AWAY FROM YOU because you abandoned them to “go free” in Clearwater and leave them to live with their alcoholic red neck father cause you stress? ? Or how about getting another few grand together for that 7th CCRD while you scrape to get by renting a shitty apartment in Glendale trying to make ends meet just HOPING someday that some tech terminal will fully duplicate your originations and allow you to move UP the bridge instead of more sideways motion? Does the fact that you have not made ANY bridge motion in 25 years stress you out or have you given up? These kind of stresses either financial or emotional can all be solved by doing a new process in Scientology that has been piloted successfully since about 1983. The pilot was FREE and it’s STILL FREE TODAY. It’s called RESIGNING YOUR MEMBERSHIP AND LEAVING SCIENTOLOGY. It’s been proven 100% successful in removing Scientology related financial stress! Not only will your finances rebound but there’s a bonus! If you resign TODAY, you will get to talk with about HALF OF YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY that have successfully graduate this course and are already living more stress free lives! The results are guaranteed! The wins are incredible! Some of the wins have been “I feel like I just got some latent case gain from all my past auditing” or “I was never PTS to begin with! ” or, I can now do what I wanted to do before I got into Scientology! But wait! If you resign from Scientology you will also get this, a list of LRH era trained auditors who will enable your progress up the bridge! No sec checks! No lower conditions! No disconnection! No more reg events! Hell there aren’t even any reges! No more of those insane lower conditions assignments for masterbating! And you can masterbate freely! Operators are standing by.
And last but not least, no more wishing you were anywhere else, listening to Davey drone on and on and on about all the planetary salvage occurring in this and that sector with meaningless stats, cheesy graphics and canned responses, broadcast to an audience of fawning and stupefied seals trying to look like they believe the dreck emanating from the orifices of the one and only Chairman of the Gored.
¨Chairman of the Gored¨ – brilliant! He is The Lord of The Bored Gored Herd of Sycophants
The number of typos on the menu is just amazing. Perhaps it actually is a real Sea Org menu.
Lurker
No, a real Sea Org Menu reads as follows:
Breakfast: Eggs
Lunch: Mystery meat sandwiches
Dinner: Hamburger patties, boiled potatoes and overcooked carrots
Alternate for any of the above: Rice and Beans.
I am certain the fake menu was in fact typed by a Sea Org member, so the spellos and typos are to be expected.
Mike.. don’t forget the rubber/cold pancakes with watered sown “syrup’….hmm maybe I am confusing that with the ship back in the day. They tasted great after being up at 4:30 a:m, swabbing the poop and white gloving the trash can areas. No doubt things have improved.
I do remember a month or two of rice and beans though. Day in and day out.
Whoever made up this menu has totally no clue on food costs, and how much of a lie this menu is!
Having the Kobe beef, NY Steak and Salmon on the menu for the week would use up more than all the food allocation for the week for any SO except for the Dear Leader. Kobe beef from Costco costs $136.37 per pound so that if you had 1/4 lb in your Philly steak sandwich you could not afford the bun, cheese, onions to make the sandwich or eating the rest of the week.
I was contract staff at a Sea Org Org.
Lunch was a wheat bun with a slice of cream cheese, with coffee.
Fridays a wagon from farmers market showed up with fruit and veggies.
In 7 months I had one meal in town that was a steak dinner and one meal that was Fish and chips that made me throw up.
Lack of sleep plus very poor food does not make happy campers.
The menu shown is pushing it.
There is what scientology says is true…then there is the truth. The two never meet.
Well see when you join and live in squalor and eat rice and beans for months on end it’s cos you pulled it in, silly. Just need to write up all your O/Ws. Handled. (Or if that doesn’t handle it there’s always the Truth Rundown).
Mike this is the first time your blog has ever made me hungry. 😉
Thursday lunch…Kobe beef??
Ya, well…it’s Thursday so no one ever goes to lunch that day anyway.
And what is “alternative protein”? (Saturday lunch) That sounds scary to me….
It translates to shit on a shingle.
No, I’m afraid it’s worse. It usually means something made out of soy or some other proteinacious material like…yeah, beans. I have to deal with the concept of Alternate Protein Product since I run my facility’s Child Nutritional Program product manufacturing. I’d prefer not to think about it when I’m not at work, thank you.
Good eye! I totally missed that. And I suppose berthing is comparable to a 5 star hotel room or upscale apartment?
Incidentally – they should publish DM’s daily menu as the DA buy now button. Maybe with a tagline like “Saving the planet hath its priviledges”.
Dave and Lou at dinner:
https://www.generalenduro.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/B_-Kliban-20.jpg
That is REALLY funny.
No shit!
LOL!
Beans and rice in every flavour, so long as its beans and rice. The conspicuously “randomly picked” menu has as much substance as “52x!! over the past x yrs” stats with no real unit or actual timeline. Flimflam. But if you’ve been a Scientologist for any length of time, of course you know that intrinsically. It looks yummy, though. I might just sign up… food motivation is nearly as good as duty, innit?
“(especially as the posting coming up tomorrow is one of the least funny things ever to appear on this blog)”
This makes me afraid. Now I’m not going to sleep tonight. I fear to ask – has someone died?
Roast beef w/mashed potatoes, ny steak.. Yum ? Wow…. Chicken 16 ways totally untrue…
Prospective convert or recruit thought process: “Let’s see, what’s the best way to punish myself to make up for the mess that is my life? If I can’t join the Sea Org I’ll take courses and maybe one day be a Patron Roboticus. Yeah, that’s the ticket!”
Well the Tuesday Hamburger is accurate. Never any cheese to go with that, but I will never forget my first lunch on the RPF was on a Tuesday. We lined up for what seemed like FOREVER, and when I finally got to the tiny room where the food was being placed for us to take I saw something that George RR Martin couldn’t have imagined even in his brutal Game of Thrones Universe.
The cook barely got a large container of hamburger patties on the table before grown men and women, started shoving, punching and screaming at each other grabbing, with their hands, like it was the only meal they would ever get, patties. It was like rabid dogs who hadn’t been fed in weeks battling for food.
These were the conditions for the majority of my RPF until ironically, my twin and I were on the RPF’s RPF, as if you needed a reason to feel even WORSE about yourself while you are in the Scientological Auschwitz, but yeah there is a lower level of self loathing. Anyway we decided to organize the mess. We set it up so the units would pick up prepackaged food that we would put out and everyone had a mess steward and only they got in line. We even cooked the hamburgers on Tuesday. The RPF ate probably 1500 every tuesday. No joke.
I can relate. I was actually in the RPF’S, RPF’S, RPF. Really. I was held prisoner in the old Charlie Chaplan house, then move to the basement of the complex. We were fed cold, leftover eggs that the regular staff didn’t eat, and some beans. That was about it. And not very regularly either. Always were hungry. But had a guard watching 24/7. I could have gotten away if I wanted, but I wanted to route out correctly (what a mistake). I ended up being held prisoner for a couple of months, then when I’d had enough I said “if you don’t let me out, I’m going to call the cops and tell them I’m being held prisoner”. I was out that night. Branded with “legal threats”. Long story, but there’s a piece of it.
I hope that you tell your whole story. I would be interested in reading it and I bet that many others would as well. Glad you survived and got out. I hope that life is good for you now.