This is the first in a series of postings giving some insight into “Life Is Good After Corporate Scientology”. In this case, it also acts as somewhat of a Declaration of Independence for Phil. He is well known in the Denver field as you will see from his write up. Future posts will provide updates on how life is going for some others who are well known to many as prominent former church members. It’s part of the program to help those who are under the radar or in doubt to see that there is life, a happier and more fulfilling life, as a former SO member, staff member or reg bait. Mike Rinder
My name is Phil Colson I came into Scientology in 1983 my first session in the Denver Org was a Book 1 session that blew me out for a week and handled my major ruin in this life. This was life changing. I would drink enough whiskey every night to put me to sleep, but it was three months after this session that I realized I had not had a drink and did not desire to. I was sold, Scientology works, and I am going up the Bridge. By 1990 I had achieved the status of OT8.
I loved the lower grades and had many wins. These were done in Denver. I then started going to Flag. The auditing I did at Flag plus the services there always left me with question marks. The truth is I hated Flag and always felt rather dirty during and after my trips. I used to tell people who I could trust, “It takes me at least 6 months to get myself back to normal after visiting Flag.”
After OT8 I had a huge crash. I went back and forth to the Freewinds off and on for the next 6 years. I spent approx. 12 to 14 months living on the ship trying to get my life right. Probably the biggest gain I got from all this time on the ship was having Tom Supak as my auditor, this guy was what all auditors should strive for. It was safe to comm with him, he was never in a hurry, we were a team in session. He had perfect TRs, he was not rigid he was natural. You just wanted to tell him everything. Anybody else who had him as an auditor felt the same way, I know because I talked to them.
I heard he was put on the RPF and is probably still there. He was too STANDARD !
I did many OT hatting courses on the ship plus KTL and LOC. I was treated very good on the ship it was actually a very theta place. Plus I finished training to class 4 at my local org in Denver. I found auditing others to be a real joy and easy. Auditing is simple if applied correctly plus I saw what real TRs and proper auditor attitude was from Tom Supak. I love this man, he is a true Scientologist. The last time I was on the ship was 1996 and have heard it is no longer theta.
I went back to Flag in the winter of 1996 to get back onto OT7. This was the most horrific 3 months of my life. It is not a friendly place! My back went out, I caught a miserable cold, I couldn’t sleep. I wonder if I was PTS?
I finished the first part of OT6 and was not invited to go onto part B of the course. That was fine with me I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. I left and 6 months later I was back to normal but I made a decision that was life changing and that decision was that I was going to be “KIND” and treat people like they are important from this point forward. The reason I made this decision is because people ARE important and should be treated as such. Later I was told that I was a security risk and was not welcome at Flag or the Freewinds. This was actually a relief: I was done! This was all Golden Age of Tech. I lost my desire to become an auditor and now I know why.
Two years later I was convinced to do my certainty courses at the Boulder Mission by the mission holder. Within a year I was getting trained as the course sup for the mission and did this for the next 11 years. I was not your perfect course sup like they train at Flag. I did not write a lot of pinksheets or harangue my students with unnecessary spot or meter checks. What I did instead was get in comm. with them and find out what they wanted to get out of their time on course. When I would sit down with someone who had a confusion I would listen to them tell me what was going on with their study or whatever else was happening. Then I would do what was needed to handle the situation. This might be word clearing or just listening and they would say now I understand and then I would leave them alone. I once did a rehab on a student who had just returned from the ship and had lots of BPC,( Standard upper org product). She was blown out after the rehab and it was done without a meter. Many of my students gave me gifts or would not come to course if I was not there etc. It seems I always felt like I was not quite doing things standardly and I should be a better course sup, but I had a hard time being dogmatic in my approach so I had my own BPC as a sup and every so often would try to be more standard. So I always felt like I was somewhat of a failure on this post.
In November of 2011 I went to AOLA and I was given my objectives again by a class 9 auditor to the tune of $65,000.00. I hated going to any upper org because of the vulture attitude of the IAS and the many other regges. I had wins but I was PISSED and felt like I have just been ripped off again!
I had to fight to get out of there, I really felt like the only thing they really want is my money.
After this trip I started my normal 6 month recovery when I read Debbie Cooks letter. I decided to look further. For the next 4 days I read everything I could find that was so called “entheta” on Scientology.
In those 4 days I blew so much charge and had such resurgences of purpose, knowingness, I quit feeling poor, I started making new plans for my future, I then spent time with an independant auditor and realized I could get real case gain and there was nothing wrong with my case. I even posted my opinion on Marty’s Blog. Then I sent a request for a refund to AOLA. I was told I would be declared. My response was, “I look forward to it being official”. I WAS DONE! I WANT OUT AND WANT THESE PEOPLE TO LEAVE ME ALONE, I WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES! I had truly disconnected from CofS. It was not quite complete. It took about 6 months for the church to disconnect from me. When this came out I did not get a copy and have not heard from anyone it was all through the grapevine. My families in Scientology disconnected from me, I lost my job because I worked for Scientologist.
I started a new business and am now making 5 times the income I was getting before. I know now who my friends are and who I can trust. I have finally reached the EP of OT7 (cause over life). My postulates work! I have let go of all these stupid fixed ideas put in by my association with the CofS. I am dreaming of my future again. I realize I was doing a very good job as a course sup and I was not WRONG in so much of what I disagreed with in all aspects of my dealings with Scientology. I have lost a lot but I have gained many times what I have lost. I tell people the 2 smartest things I have done in this lifetime are: 1. Getting into Scientology and gaining an understanding of it and applying it. 2. GETTING OUT of the church! I also realize I am in control of my eternity and I will truly be fine. I really believe mankinds future will be very good, there will be bumps.
There is so much more I could relate and the cognitions could go on for hours. I have thought about writing a book. I have truly become pan-determined and my future is truly bright again.
Thank you for allowing me to speak (write)
all my love,
Good to read about you here, Phi! 🙂
Wendy Munro says
Phil – you survived all that was thrown at you, and now you are prospering and flourishing x 5. Hah! You can’t keep a good man down. When will they ever learn?! I am so happy for you – and I love your two smartest things you ever did. I wish for you that your prospering and flourishing just keeps on keeping on.
Randy Smith says
Greetings and welcome to a fellow (transplanted) Boulderite! I was among the first staff at the Boulder Mission from 73-77, when I came out to LA for the SHSBC. So glad to read your story, and to learn that you took good care of your public in Boulder, like I did earlier.
And a very warm welcome to the Indies, where you can be rightfully recognized for applying REAL Scientology!
Sabine Waterkamp says
Thank you for sharing your story Phil.
I always love to read these stories. We all share so many similar experiences and thought for a long time that it was just us having these difficulties!
Good to see you here and I wish you a great time as an Independent!
Luis Garcia says
OUTSTANDING, Phil! Welcome to the party!
Scott Campbell says
Beautiful story Phil.
Really well done on keeping your eyes wide open and recognizing correct indications the whole time you were in “Corporate Scientology” and never giving up your Self-Determinism. By doing this, I can see how you have become Pan-Determined now. You never went into succumb!
What year did you do KTL and LOC on the ship? My wife Karry was the FSSO KTL/LOC lead Sup, then the LOC lead Sup from the course’s release till late 1993.
Phil Colson says
Scott you turd we use to hang out together on the ship. I must have done it around 1993. You told me your whole story about your asthma and how you almost drowned. I spent so much time there I thought we had become brothers. WHAT DID THOSE BASTARDS DO TO YOUR MIND?
Scott Campbell says
Phil you bastard, obviously they fucked it up pretty bad! This is also Deja Vu from a year or more ago! (you know what I’m talkin’ about and it’s God Damned embarrassing). Anyways, how do I get a hold of you? When I read your story I knew that I needed to get in touch with you. Send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org and I’ll get back to you right away.
Lucy James says
Great story with a great ending!
I posted this off-topic comment in response to the last thread. I’m going to see if I can get away with posting it again because I think it is important.
Breaking news from Tony Ortega, albeit with an alternative title: Independent Scientologists file declarations in support of Garcias’ fraud and refund case against the Church of Scientology
Independent Scientologists who submitted declarations in support of the Garcia family: Mark “Marty” Rathbun; Luis Garcia; Christie Collbran; Dan Koon; Haydn James; Bert Schippers; Karry Campbell; Scott Campbell.
Dan Koon says
Really great story, Phil. Loved your two smartest things at the end. So, so true!
Lars asplund says
Thanks Phil, great write up and so good to see you out and breathing
the fresh air. Wow, what experiences you have had!
Blown SP says
Wow Phil – great write up and thank you for going public! I laughed when I read what you said about FLAG – it is so true!! It was funny to me because you put the Flag experience in words I could never really describe Flag is totally criminal and they don’t even try to hide it now! I saw people go down there and when they came back – said they would never go back there. They told me in confidence. I hope they leave soon too!
I wish you the very best!
The Oracle says
Well Phil, according to the firm, (corp scn) you are now officially out qualed for Earth. Laughter! Welcome to some safe space!
Whenever I read these testimonials from upstat successful Scientologists, who have given up on the current RCS. I think to myself how amazing it is that the current management is so willing to torch these long term relationships with what was the life blood of the group. If you’re an individual who won’t compromise your integrity the current leadership can’t afford to have you around because you might infect others with a dose of standing up for yourself and not tolerating crap.
Well done Phil – you are an inspiration and a great example of what people can achieve when they let go of their fear and stand up for what they believe in.
I’m just curious Phil, did you get your money refunded from AOLA?
Phil Colson says
No. I believe once you are declared they can’t talk to you, so you can not work things out. I should pursue it. My biggest intention was to get them off my lines and quit contacting me. It worked!
See Tony Ortega’s post today
Sandy, you took the words right out of my mouth.
Chris Black says
Phil, you can still comm to the IJC. Put your request in writing to the IJC. Reference the HCOPLs on Refunds and Repayments. They are bound to abide by LRH policy. I told them that and after a couple of TR 3s, got my money back. I never refunded on services taken, just repayments on unused monies on account.
And btw, good to see you out. And no, you were not wrong at all in your suping. You did what Ron did, rolled up his sleeves, used Supe TWC, and handled the student to FNing. Well done!
gretchen dewire says
Your story and others have helped me tremendously Phil. I was in the church in the 90s and had a few great wins at my local org. Then I went to flag maxing out a credit card. It was one of the worst experiences of my life. You have totally expressed what I felt when i was there. I wrote it up of course like a good scientologist. It was never really adressed. Since then I have done half my basics but just could never get over that experience. And of course there is no one you can talk to about. I was alone and confused. Then from reading some stupid Tom Cruise thing on the internet, I started looking around and discovered I was not alone. I discovered Martys blog, what a god send. And then to my surprise, my wonderful auditor Tony DePhillips had disconnected. I felt so validated for the first time in 20 years. This has changed my life. To realize what I experienced was not just my abberation blew a ton of charge. I am so grateful to you all Mike, Marty, Phil and all the rest of you independents for giving me back a portion of my sanity. Gretchen
Mike Rinder says
Ronnie Bell says
I went to flag maxing out a credit card. It was one of the worst experiences of my life.
Gretchen, I did my CCRD at Flag in 1994. It was an arduous experience to say the least, but besides a huge dose of annoying incompetence on the part of the staff, I got through it unscathed. About five years later, I got talked into returning for a ‘case check’. Let me just say that the whole trip was a complete waste of time and money. I didn’t get a damn thing out of it. I also noticed at that time, a much greater focus on screening public through ethics lines. I mean intense screening.
Fast forward a couple of years, and I wound up giving them one last try at the urging of my FSM and a Flag reg at AOLA. What a freaking fiasco that was. I was left waiting at the airport for four hours, then when I got to the Yachtsman, I was told that someone else had my room. What??? Let’s just say that the whole experience went downhill from there. By the time I was done being sliced, diced, breaded and fried by FSO, I was ready to run to the airport.
Just Me says
Phil, congratulations on getting out of that hamster cage! Loved your message and REALLY loved hearinb about how much you’re enjoying life now. Again, thanks for taking the time to tell your story and thumb your nose at the “Church” of Scientology and those who run it. Also loved your other comments above about the freedoms you’re enjoying these days.
Vic Krohn says
Thanks for the great story, Phil. I’m sure you’ll help others realize what that emergency exit sign really means. As in, “come on out folks, the weather is fine.”
Matt Plahuta says
Great to see you Phil! I’m glad to hear things are going well. We’ll have to get together again sometime. Best, Matt
Awesome for you, Phil! So good to see you winning and happy in life, now! We also had great wins on our lower-level auditing and even courses that we did while in. Keep speaking out and lovin’ life! 🙂
Cristian Landivar says
Great Phil..now I believe you have a new life and you are right, you are free to speak here..thanks to Mike!
Forrest Crane says
Great to read your write-up. I’m from Denver, however I left in 78 and came to Alaska. Next time in Colorado, perhaps we can meet.
Phil Colson says
That would be nice.
Gayle aka TroubleShooter says
Wow 65k of objectives…LRH would I believe scream till he exploded or simply go to the door of that HGC and put up a “CLOSED” sign and bring all the pcs to his place to get rehabbed one by one.
Great to hear of your freedom from the suppression wins Phil. Thank you,
Thank you, hats off and a warm welcome, to you, Phil.
And let me say that you were/are the very best kind of person to Sup a Scientology course – a person who truly cares for the being in front of him. I have had a few Sups like this and they made all the difference for me. This quality emanating from a Sup communicates powerfully to a Scientology student. Thank you for being this kind of Sup, Phil.
Great write up, Phil.
Our last excursion to Flag convinced me that there was no more tech at the top of the RCS. It was no longer a liberating group, it was a dictatorial implant station and the new definition of “OT” was “Obedient Thetan.”
Well done on being disobedient.
Mike Rinder says
🙂 that one goes in the Scientology Urban Dictionary — Obedient Thetan…
Jane Doe says
Les hit it on the head OT is “Obedient Thetan.” Glad that Phil made it out and is doing better for it! VVVWD Phil on your integrity and bravery.
“They” didn’t get you. Good job! Your confidence in your own abilities shines. You are an inspiration and excellent example of the opportunities that life presents after freeing oneself of the church.
Congratulations Phil, Debbie Cook strikes again! Great write-up. As a long-time sup I’m totally tracking with you. I did my best to avoid harassing my students as well, despite the constant demands to do so and somehow managed to get them through the gauntlet without bruises and scars.
I also enjoyed your quote “I have finally reached the EP of OT7 (cause over life). My postulates work! I have let go of all these stupid fixed ideas put in by my association with the CofS”.
Many of us have had great gains through learning the truth as you have. To the “Under the radar” folks out there, look at what you have to gain by doing the right thing for yourself and others.
Laura Ann says
What a fabulous story! I loved every word. Thank you for sharing it and Congratulations!
Welcome to the Independents Phil and I am glad you regained the power of choice to do as you think is more survival.
Re Tom Supak, I agree, he is an excellent auditor. by the way he left the Church at least a couple of years ago, if not more than that. Lets wish he reads this posting an connects with the Independents, his services are very valuable and very much needed.
Wish you well Phil.
Dan Locke says
I knew Tom on the RPF from 98 to 03 and he was there as I was being routed out. Yes, a great guy. If you happen to contact Tom I would love to hear from him. email@example.com
I loved reading your story Phil. It sounds like you landed with your feet on the ground. Your statement at the end of the 2 smartest things:
1. Getting into Scientology and gaining an understanding of it and applying it. 2. GETTING OUT of the church!
shows a healthy differentiation between the tech and the corporate church that delivers it.
Felt good reading that – thank you Phil and Mike.
The Oracle says
Hubbard said in one tape. “You will be free of Scientology”. David Miscavige tried his best to make this an unattainable goal by putting “can’t haves” on the “upper bridge”.
He has fallen short.
Terrific Phil. Every time I read one of these stories, I key out just a little bit more from the engramic experiences I had at FSO and AO. It is so good to know that it wasn’t just me.
Exactly the kind of writing I asked for in the survey ! Testimonies of personnal life before/after. Thanks Phil for this great writing, it light up the particular corners where suppression is accomplished and how one comes out of it.
Richard Kaminski says
Fantastic! Well spoken, Phil. Your plain, but powerful statements are as good as a whole book.
Phil Bruemmer says
Well, you certainly learned how to handle suppression.
Flourish and prosper indeed!
Great write-up Phil. I think this will resonate with many readers.
A good friend and I often joke – The EP of RCS is YOU LEAVE. So true.
This is an organization that can only take you so far. I think the amount of gain to be had is proportionate to your distance from RTC and Int Management. Doing the Bridge at a mission or a CLV org can often be light and theta, real life changing, but move up the hierarchy of orgs and things get serious and enturbulative and psychotic. And it can be counter-productive, where the amount of enturbulation experienced getting the service is greater than the gains received from auditing. It really does become a PTS situation. So what are you going to do? Handle or Disconnect? Well, they have pretty much dismantled any on-policy methods of “handle” (e.g. reports/crams). It is no longer a self-correcting organization, but a ser-facy, chronically restimed group bank. Any attempts to handle or correct the organization by a public person results in the public being “handled”, often with “ethics” and so-called justice. The only truly pro-survival option is to disconnect.
what a great story; good for you re: your progress and your ability to observe. It is an oddity that Scientology is the most amazing and exciting experience which energizes us and gives us such incredible tools, yet the organization stands tall among those things that one never wants to experience again! To quote Dickens: ” It was the best of times; it was the worst of times.” I’m OT, but not on 7 yet. I’m glad to hear that it is still worth doing. I’ve been very skeptical as it seems to be a toss up as to how people do on this level. Ptsness seems to be a common attribute to those in the church doing the level, which makes sense under the circumstances.
steve spargo says
Nice story Phil. It’s great to have you aboard.
Welcome back to life. Congartulations!
Panda Termint says
Hiya Phil, The news that you’re out made me very, very happy.
All the best from Dave & Jenni Gibbons in Sydney. 🙂
Phil Colson says
I am glad to see you here, and thank you very much. I remember both of you.
I’m Ex-Scientologist, but I’m happy you are doing better and enjoying life, Phil!
Forrest Crane says
I have to know what Ex-Scientologist means. Does it mean the spirit doesn’t exist and all is material, that you only live once and when you’re dead you’re dead and the brain is the thinking entity of man? Or if you believe in the right god, you’ll be saved? So, what does Ex-Scientology mean? I don’t mean to be insulting but I would like to know what it means. Did you never go Exterior in the first place?
I’d say an ex-scientologist is someone who has stopped believing in Scientology and stopped using the tech altogether for reasons beknown to the one calling himself an ex-scientologist.
Of course this is perfectly fine. There are lots of people who were once e.g. Christians and who don’t believe anymore.
Phil Colson says
No. Those of us that really understood and applied the tech for the betterment of those that we served have gained a much larger understanding of what this existance is all about. Removing ourselves from the shackles of any philosophy be it the republican party, Christianity etc etc etc gives one new freedoms. The best things one can do is “Confront” : Be there comfortably and percieve. Also regain your pan-determinism. Neither one of these things requires any action. Just observe. I hope this answers your questions.
Thanks for sharing your story Phil! Wonderful write-up.
Penny Krieger says
What and amazing write up. My very sincere and enthusiastic CONGRATULATIONS to you! Tracked with every word you wrote. Thank you for sharing and again, thrilled for you.
great to hear Phil wonderful news and I am so happy for you!!
Cindy P says
Phil, Thanks for “speaking”. I hope your family comes around. I am sooo happy that you are doing better now that you are out of the “Church”. After Matt and I left, two of our family disconnected but the rest of our family has circled the wagons aroung us. The freedom from suppression is undescribable. If all the people that are done with the “Church” would just let the truth out, they would also feel the freedom and really flourish. It is always better to be honest. Thank you for not only getting out of C of S but for having an immense amount of courage to speak out!
Tony DePhillips says
I went through much the same as you, thought the objectives after OT8 and 65K sounds very painful and I ‘m glad that I missed that one. 🙂
Glad you made it out man!!!
ingrid smith says
You sound incredible Phil!!!! Old friend and fellow Denverite. I’m sorry about the disconnections.
Phil Colson says
I learned something from this disconnection. That is when you let go of things, people etc etc It does create a vacuum and allows other things to come in. It has actually been a very good experience. I have gained many times what I have lost and also gained a compassion for those that are still in the church and how they are being controlled by the church and each other. This is common amongst all groups not just the church. I am truly in better shape.
Welcome Phil! What a story … thanks for sharing.
Ronnie Bell says
Debbie Cook’s email is what opened my eyes too, Phil. After reading it, I made a radical leap and finally granted myself permission to LOOK. Like you, I spent the next four days soaking up every bit of info I could find about the truth of the church. It was liberating beyond description, and I felt that my knowingness about the church, which I’d invalidated and not-ised for so long, was finally proven correct.
Thank you for doing the right thing, and withdrawing your support from the viral infection that has destroyed our church. I celebrate every time I see another Scientologist step into the light, and liberate themselves from that onerous prison.
You are an inspiration. Let me know if you start suping again. I want to be one of your students.
Friggin fantastic Phil! The road “in” was fantastic as it lead “out” however that became so mired in mud that the road “out” became so forbidding and daunting that many cannot make it out. Until you make that trip and go independent do you fully realize how much freedom is to be had. It’s a personal journey that can only be experienced by walking that line, those who can’t for one reason or another are in fact affect. It takes a lot of courage to take this step and even more COURAGE to make your story public, but in the end you will have your integrity in tact that you have taken a stand for the good of all to realize how corrupt this org has become and ultimately will help others. Welcome to the ever growing number of Independents!
Good on ya, Phil!!
Steve Poore says
Great Phil! and VERY, VERY WELL DONE! hey, did you meet me where you were getting your Indie Auditing?
Phil Colson says
Yes we did meet and thank you for your response.
Jane Doe says
Phil, can you give me your email address? I have an important private question to ask of you.
Phil Colson says
Yes , I would like to hear from you.