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Thursday Funnies

January 23, 2020 By Mike Rinder 44 Comments

 

One of these 3 didn’t get the message

Arms folded is the only way to go.

All of them missed the memo about not smiling.

 

Narconon not flourishing

They are disappearing from the face of the earth….

 

We finally made 2 Clears

We have to tell the world with a special promotional item because it’s such a rare thing…

 

Like really rare…

So we made ANOTHER poster for the same person.

 

The St Lucia Sickle Cell Association hasn’t done their homework…

Or they are just really hard up for a place to show a movie.

 

Did these guys do their homework?

 

This should flood new public in…

They call this “Dissemination”? Not even mentioning the word?

 

Learning the ABC’s

Always Be Closing

 

Do you think this has impact?

Most people wouldn’t understand this AT ALL.

Just because it is a quote from Hubbard, doesn’t mean it is a good thing to use….

 

Michel Labourdique?

The former CO International Training Org? Was he actually shipped to Columbus and made a supervisor?

 

Wishful thinking

 

The Holiday Inn Battle Creek not available?

Or it costs more than you will make?

 

St Patrick’s Day is “Family Day”?

 

Well, it’s better than putting them on a scientology course

 

Commemorate the Holocaust….

With the organization in bed with the rabidly anti-semitic NOI.

 

Speaking of NOI

The scam artist hasn’t been put in prison yet.

For someone who bilked millions out of the government for “education” programs, his spelling leaves a bit to be desired. It’s only 3 words and he spells one wrong. On the COVER of his book?

 

Steer clear of this…

The scientology idea of parenting is disastrous.

 

Ideal Wrestling

Are they going to apply choke-holds and body slams as the newest reg techniques?

Last man standing gets the wallet.

 

 

New Haven is happening…

Not really. One alumni isn’t going to get them anywhere.

 

More wishful thinking

Social media postulate fishing seems to be a new passtime.

The scientology “thirst trap”? (check it in an urban dictionary — today’s “new word”)

 

Confused

What are they fundraising for?

 

Every scientologist needs this lecture

You can then look around the room and spot dishonesty right there.

 

The Freewinds has to put on an event…

In order for people to “experience OT” at the Flag Land Base?

Wow.

 

Not a whole lot of FSMs I suppose

 

The Commodore is rolling in his grave

Or stamping his feet on Target 2.

Oh mighty Mecca of Technical Perfection, what have you become?

 

Criminon?

Miscavige didn’t even MENTION you in the New Year’s roundup of the decade’s accomplishments…

The accomplishments were that incredible eh?

 

OMG someone actually started their Objectives in Chicago

Now, that is some big news folks.

Stay tuned, sometime next year they might promote him as COMPLETING it.

 

The WISE guy is the best they’ve got?

Tell you one thing for sure, nobody wants to assume the beingness of Quintin Strub. Perpetual nobody in CLO EUS.

 

Yowza

He has been auditing people on Dianetics for several years and today was the first time something got handled in a session?

And they are promoting this?

 

Too cool for school…

These guys just exude sleaze.

 

Kiddie Corner

How sad.

 

They blurred her name…

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Filed Under: Funnies Tagged With: Chicago, Flag, Foothills Msn, Freewinds, Jim Bridgeforth, Joburg org, Kids, Michel Labourdique, Narconon, New Haven, Perth, Rizza Islam, Tom Cummins, way to happiness

Comments

  1. jere Lull (39 years recovering) says

    January 24, 2020 at 9:39 pm

    Yeah, you’ll see people’s lives changing right before your eyes: Not for the better, though.

    and that list of job openings: Isn’t that just the list of all posts in a Narconon?

    Reply
  2. jere Lull (39 years recovering) says

    January 24, 2020 at 8:17 pm

    Yeah, you’ll see people’s lives changing right before your eyes: Not for the better, though.

    Reply
  3. SP says

    January 24, 2020 at 12:31 pm

    I’m am sure there are not more than 20000 fanatics. But with 5000 seaorg and 5000 orgstaffs, there ate only 10000 over to squeeze the pockets? The math is not working as there is no credit by DM. He holds the money like Hubbard or Mary Baker Eddy qite tight with iron hands. They have 3 billion in assets. This can take some time to be used. But the IRS is watching them, like other criminals. So how does this work? Must I redo the survival rd to grasp it?

    Reply
    • PeaceMaker says

      January 24, 2020 at 10:10 pm

      SP, Current estimates are more like 3,000 to 3,500 SO. I think there’s a lot of overlap between membership and org staff, but I’ve never been able to get enough information to assess that odd angle accurately, plus it’s hard to categorize given that so many staff “moonlight” full-time at what are effectively their real paying jobs.

      Certainly, the ratios of Sea Org and staff to members are bizarrely low, whatever they are exactly, whether it’s 5:1 or 2:1 – in most normal churches it’s more like one minister and one administrator per 100 parishioners, with only a tiny amount of overhead at the regional and national level (including religious orders, if any).

      Reply
  4. Peter Blood says

    January 24, 2020 at 9:50 am

    The (fill-in-the-blank) is “GROWING FAST” line is growing old, is inevitably false and hyper-repetitive. $cientology has been the punchline for years now so who are they foolin’? But it’s hilarious to see them try and repeatedly FAIL. Not hilarious the plight of it’s victims.

    Reply
  5. Roger Larsson says

    January 24, 2020 at 8:07 am

    To fake the life is to act as living as dead.

    Reply
  6. Aquamarine says

    January 23, 2020 at 9:28 pm

    “Make SURE you attend this event! You CANNOT miss it! Make it go right to be there! We are counting on you ! Confirm your attendance! REconfirm your attendance!

    Oh, and, um, we’ll tell you the location when…when…when we’re god-damn ready to, that’s when! Or, as soon as WE know…or…or WHATEVER! Just stop asking so many stupid questions, and BE there, OK?

    Reply
    • jere Lull (39 years recovering) says

      January 24, 2020 at 9:42 pm

      “Confirm your attendance! REconfirm your attendance!”

      That doubles their stat of RSVPs, of course. ANYthing for a statpush.

      Reply
      • Aquamarine says

        January 25, 2020 at 1:18 am

        Wow. I didn’t know this. A double stat for confirming someone twice. Triple, quadruple stat, accordingly. NOW I understand why we public got all those calls, confirming, reconfirming, re-reconfirming – endless calls, so annoying. “What a complete waste of time”, I would seethe, mostly silently, sometimes not silently. But no. No, the endless calls were NOT a waste of THEIR time. They were increasing their stats. Amazing. Thank you, jere.

        Reply
  7. Kronomex says

    January 23, 2020 at 4:56 pm

    Who is Milli Neals?

    Um, “re-signs for the first time”? Tub O’Lard would be proud of that word mangling.

    Angela Reagan is a horrible excuse for a parent. And the photo under it is truly frightening.

    Reply
  8. Marconon says

    January 23, 2020 at 4:19 pm

    Am I reading that Avengers flyer correctly? Are they really going to let a bunch of public onto the Breakwinds in St. Lucia for a movie night?

    Reply
    • Dotey OT says

      January 23, 2020 at 5:35 pm

      Ugh, here is a story for you. I happened to be on the ship when Battlefield Earth, the film, came out. They stopped course, loaded into bunches of vans, scooted us across Nassau to the movie theatre, where we watched that horrible, horrible movie. As if that wasn’t enough, they did it too us again the next night. Anything to get the PR stats up. The movie wasn’t any better the 2nd night either.

      Reply
      • Aquamarine says

        January 23, 2020 at 9:30 pm

        God, they made you watch that thing twice? So sorry!

        Reply
        • Marconon says

          January 23, 2020 at 10:12 pm

          “Can I go to the RPF instead?”

          Reply
          • Aquamarine says

            January 24, 2020 at 8:30 pm

            🙂

            Reply
      • Kemist says

        January 24, 2020 at 8:58 pm

        It’s a great movie to watch with live comments. Or as a drinking game.

        Reply
    • jere Lull (39 years recovering) says

      January 24, 2020 at 8:22 pm

      “Are they really going to let a bunch of public onto the Breakwinds in St. Lucia for a movie night?”

      Quite likely, the “movies” will turn out to be a live feed from their TV “channel”, with the doors locked so no one can escape the registrars.

      Reply
  9. Chris Shugart says

    January 23, 2020 at 2:47 pm

    Kind of a subtle observation that just occurred to me. In that ad where they encourage Scios to bring people “uptone” is actually another example of how the COS is way behind the times. There’s actually a modern day expression that describes the Scios “tech” of bringing people uptone. It’s called “customer experience,” or in online commerce “user experience.” In the olden days it was called “service with a smile.” Every organization in the known universe who deal with the public knows those maxims well.

    It’s only natural to extend “up tone” conversations, “good vibes,” ordinary courtesy, or whatever you want to call it. You don’t need to be an OT tech and mgmt trained Scio to understand that you want people to walk away with a positive experience. That way they come back, tell their friends, and so forth.

    And let’s not forget the time Coca-Cola encouraged us to “teach the world to sing in perfect harmony.” That TV commercial song turned into a viral meme before there ever was such a thing. That was in 1971 for cryin out loud. The world has since left the COS so far behind that they couldn’t catch up even if they wanted to. That’s because Hubbard’s kool-aid drinking minion must adhere to their “modern science” to the letter. Meanwhile out here in the real world I doubt there are many who see Scn as some kind of new and nifty science. Primitive superstition would probably be more like it.

    Reply
  10. ValR says

    January 23, 2020 at 2:25 pm

    “I have seen people who had no chance in life suddenly transformed into…”

    Stacy Dawn Murphy went to Narconon. She died there in 2012. She was not the first but she was the last person to die in Narconon OK before they started investigating.

    https://narcononreviews.net/narconon/lawsuits/settled-stacy-dawn-murphy-negligence-and-wrongful-death-lawsuit/

    Reply
  11. Gordon Weir says

    January 23, 2020 at 1:40 pm

    Simply put, if $ci delivered what it promises everyone would want to be a Scientologist. It doesn’t deliver, it never has and it never will.

    Reply
    • jere Lull (39 years recovering) says

      January 24, 2020 at 8:31 pm

      Gordon, if scientology delivered ANYTHING they promised, the Idle Morgues would be too small to handle the influx. Still, they learned from the master of the long con, so the marks might not wake up to the reality that they’ve been conned for YEARS, and the bogus “contracts” they signed, backed by their stables of high-priced lawyers protect the twit from justice I doubt the boozy bofin has ever cracked an honest smile, but he IS laughing all the way to the bank.

      Reply
  12. Marne says

    January 23, 2020 at 1:28 pm

    The countenance of the ‘three stooges’ on the Narconon poster is more Frightening than inviting. ‘There are none so blind as those who will not see’

    Reply
    • Kronomex says

      January 23, 2020 at 5:08 pm

      I would have used “Three Conmen” because that’s what they look like, out and out conmen.

      Reply
  13. Take Em Down says

    January 23, 2020 at 1:08 pm

    Scientology in Mexico ??? What will happen when the drug cartels find out that Scientology wants to wean people off drugs? DM will have to hire some private investigators to harass the cartels…..I think he’s met his match and more.

    Reply
    • jere Lull (39 years recovering) says

      January 24, 2020 at 9:47 pm

      æ What will happen when the drug cartels find out that Scientology wants to wean people off drugs?”

      NOTHING, as anyone who looks into the scheme discovers quickly that scientology is long on supposed aspiration, very short on doing anything meaningful toward those ends.

      Reply
  14. ISNOINews says

    January 23, 2020 at 12:13 pm

    As I note in my book review of “Message to the Millineals” (sic):

    https://exscn2.net/threads/book-review-message-to-the-millineals-sic-by-rizza-islam-full-review-plus-summary-of-scientology-related-content.410/

    * * * * * BEGIN EXCERPT * * * * *

    [Rizza] Islam starts by noting that his spelling of the word “Millineal” “was completely intentional.” Islam explains the meaning of the neologism “Millineal” on pages 6 and 7:

    “We are not simply the generation due to age, but the millenial, ‘mille-‘ – rooted in Latin meaning 1,000, is the strongest of those within this generation. We are the strongest of the strong because we choose to fight for what is right and for the benefit of future generations. We are the 1,000 within any group, area, city, state, country or continent.”

    * * * * * END EXCERPT * * * * *

    Reply
  15. TrevAnon says

    January 23, 2020 at 12:07 pm

    On the ‘steer clear of this’ there’s a subtle hint:

    ‘Plenty of parking’.

    😛

    Reply
    • Old Surfer Dude says

      January 23, 2020 at 1:21 pm

      I saw one car! Ummmmm…does that count? Ummmmm…anyone?
      The Hell with it. I’m going back to sleep.

      Reply
      • Kronomex says

        January 23, 2020 at 5:02 pm

        It was a little toy car behind a big plastic magnifying sheet to give it the appearance of being full sized.

        Reply
        • Old Surfer Dude says

          January 23, 2020 at 9:30 pm

          Whoa! They can do that now?

          Reply
    • jere Lull (39 years recovering) says

      January 24, 2020 at 9:49 pm

      I’ll second that “PLENTY of parking, as in an utterly empty lot.

      Reply
  16. Zee Moo says

    January 23, 2020 at 12:06 pm

    Join WISE or Quentin Strub will continue to sneer at you…

    Reply
    • Aquamarine says

      January 23, 2020 at 9:36 pm

      He is sneering there, isn’t he? Terrible picture.

      Reply
      • Aquamarine says

        January 24, 2020 at 9:11 pm

        Met him once, and once was enough to shoot him straight up and vertically to tops on my list of least-liked Sea Org members. What a bullying yet phony and smarmy man was, his patina of false modesty not quite hiding how impressed he was with himself. He requested a “comm cycle” with me and then proceeded to reg me for a much more expensive WISE membership that I neither needed nor wanted. I could see he was confidant of being able to devastate me with his charm. Yes, he had a nice looking face, I’ll grant him that. And he was actually being charming so far as words and manner went. But – and not to get all ’70s on you – I didn’t trust his “energy”/ You know how a cat will just raise its back sometimes for no apparent reason sometimes? That was my reaction to him and his charm, although I hid it, of course. I was polite, I let him talk but inwardly shrank from him and didn’t upgrade my WISE membership, fobbing him off with an agreement to discuss it further at another time, giving him my phone number, etc. Fast forward; a year or so later I attended something at which he was head speaker. In the intermission I walked by a room in which he was reaming out his wife, Bronwyn, about something. Face ripping her for something in a cold, contemptuous way and then he threw a sheaf of papers he was holding at her…ugh. She just stood there silently. I guess she knew her husband…I walked away, remembering my instinctive reaction to him, marvelling, “I was right! He is bad news!” Sometimes it pays to listen to your instincts 🙂
        Oh, and last but not least, once I was out of the cult I read online that he had been in charge of the RPF at Flag, or somewhere. Double ugh!

        Reply
        • Rip Van Winkle says

          January 25, 2020 at 9:40 am

          I’m SO glad he failed with you.

          SO glad you followed your gut.

          When I reflect on the times I followed my gut, when I didn’t give in, when I stood firm.. ..I feel stronger.

          Thanks for reminding me.

          Years back when I first heard the phrase, “gives me the “NO” feeling” … It rang so true for me.

          Reply
          • Aquamarine says

            January 27, 2020 at 3:48 pm

            Thank you, Rip 🙂 We’ve both had nice wins along this line, it seems!

            Reply
  17. Gus Cox says

    January 23, 2020 at 11:59 am

    Kerri Kasum?

    Even I can spell Kasem.

    Reply
  18. Rip Van Winkle says

    January 23, 2020 at 10:42 am

    Flag used the basic book extension courses as part of the OT 6A checksheet – they were listed as items to do on the theory checksheet of the Advanced Solo Course.

    I was made to “correct” and re-do answers on the Ext course over and over in the beginning, until I was willing to simply copy the exact answer from the book.

    Each Ext course had a lesson for each chapter or so, and the lesson had a half dozen to a dozen questions about the chapter.

    Having been schooled in North America, I was trying to answer the questions “in my own words” to show that I had understood the materials and could explain it correctly and demonstrate my understanding.

    After several back-and-forths, I finally flat out asked the sup if I was supposed to just copy the answer from the book, word for word.

    He confirmed this. I was not allowed to paraphrase or re-word the Tek as it would then be squirrel.

    After that I read the books with the Ext Course lesson beside me, and would watch for the questions in the book and copy the passage.

    It was ridiculous. But so was reading the books again for the 5th time.

    …………

    Flag training was a joke.

    Reply
    • grisianfarce says

      January 23, 2020 at 2:42 pm

      Ronbots the lot of them. If you’re not parroting the words of Ron it is a flunk.

      Reply
  19. Ho Tai says

    January 23, 2020 at 10:16 am

    Mike, I’m sorry but I gotta say – Maybe Rizza Islam can’t spell, but it looks like you can’t count!

    Reply
  20. Scnethics says

    January 23, 2020 at 10:06 am

    Love that quote from Hubbard. To paraphrase: “If every one of you will do exactly as you are told by your superior, and every one of you will command those below you without hesitation, then from the top, I can control all of you like I do my own body, and that’s what we are going for here, in case you haven’t noticed.”

    Reply
  21. Joe Pendleton says

    January 23, 2020 at 9:31 am

    I’m on my way to the Fort Harrison with my stand up act … Now take my senior … Please … Ok, just kidding … But I asked her what I could buy her for Christmas and she said “buy me some ethics presents” … I’m the new reg and she set me a real stiff target and said I’d better bring a whale in before Thursday … So I rented a boat and went out into the ocean for two days, didn’t even seen one … Now I’m in liability and stuck on step one … I just moved to Tampa and don’t even have any friends yet … But really folks, I’m very happy to be on staff, even if I’m not making enough money to eat at the famous local restaurants, heck, I lived in Hawaii for three years, so I’m fine eating spam all the time … And if you chop up and mix one can of it with a cheap can of chili and a pound of rice, you got a week’s worth of primo eatin’ …

    Reply
  22. Dotey OT says

    January 23, 2020 at 8:38 am

    The upshot is – THEY NEED PEOPLE!!

    They are running out of people, imagine that. Like what happens when you look at those eggs on that planet and suddenly something attaches itself to your face. It drains your wallet and life and is hard to disconnect from. There are fewer and fewer people looking at the eggs in curiosity. Now mostly John Hurt (Alien) type people in the orgs with the alien attached to their faces and they can’t see.

    That is my movie analogy for the day.

    Reply
    • Belynda says

      January 23, 2020 at 1:32 pm

      ‘That is my movie analogy for the day.’

      Thank you – got a real chuckle on that!

      Reply

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