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Thursday Funnies

April 14, 2022 By Mike Rinder 29 Comments

The bubble seems to have dried up with their promotional items this week.

All worn out after a rousing celebration for Source perhaps? Too busy scraping up money to buy a birthday present for Captain Miscavige at the end of the month? Run out of things to say?

 

Well, this is a surprise

They have a “Black Scientologist” taking a service at AOSH Africa!

Of course, its at the bottom of the Bridge, nowhere near the OT levels.

Wonder how many people there are in this “Black Scientologists” group?

 

The Ideal Attitude?

Simple: hand over everything you have of value, take out a second mortgage and max out all possible credit cards to give to the “ideal org” fundraising scam.

This is for Vancouver — but it’s Seattle doing the heavy lifting.

 

Massive Year of Expansion

This “ideal” org now has 12 staff! SH Size is supposed to be no less than 100.

Obviously, “going ideal” doesn’t do anything to achieve St Hill size.

 

Would you listen to this guy?

Why are they still doing zoom?

 

What is going on here?

Orgs are the only places that are supposed to train and classify auditors??

Is this person actually doing auditor training outside an org or is this just a generic “success” they are promoting that has nothing to do with their “standard tech courseroom” that delivers “extension courses (not studied in a courseroom) and basic books?

 

Cashing in…

 

Another low level completion at the “Advanced Org”

 

 

Still white and whiter

Despite the first entry above, you can see that this is a white AO — the AO for the entire continent of dark skinned people.

 

Central Ohio Unites

Behind a “Fourth Dynamic Champion” who is doing this for the MONEY he makes on commissions.

 

The grift goes on

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Filed Under: Funnies Tagged With: AOSH Africa, Ben Folk, Bogota org, Carolyn Groff, Fred Shaw, Gwendoline Snyers, IAS, Richard Fallon, Seattle org, Vancouver org

Comments

  1. Starring Tom Cruise as David Miscavige says

    April 15, 2022 at 7:46 am

    Sadly watching as these beings have gone past the event horizon and nothing can be done for them.

    They have been trapped in someone else’s dream.

    Reply
    • The Moose says

      April 15, 2022 at 5:56 pm

      Great way of putting it.

      Reply
  2. Loosing my Religion says

    April 15, 2022 at 3:30 am

    For decades there have been these guys who go to orgs to give useless seminars that won’t help anyone (and by now everyone knows it but most can’t talk) and someone shows up anyway knowing that they will then be put in a corner and regged to blood to get all possible money.

    This loop is an excellent example of what ‘aberration’ means.

    Reply
  3. Aquamarine says

    April 15, 2022 at 1:42 am

    Off Topic but I have to spill this:

    A while back I shared that upon googling someone I knew when I was in the cult I found out that she is now Q. Full fledged, in living color Q! As proven by reading her Twitter feed. Now, she is a long term Scientology staff member. As far as I know she is still on Class V org staff albeit at another org from the one where she was one of my auditors and for while my KTL course supervisor, and Ethics Officer.

    She and I have not communicated for 10 years. She is definitely disconnected from me – forbidden to speak to me.

    Tonite I was curious again about her, remembering certain times at the org, etc., and went to her Twitter and saw that her account has been suspended by Twitter for violating their rules. I read some of her old tweets and retweets that are still up there.

    Here’s the thing: I don’t seem able to process that she became a QAnon person.

    That someone who audited me, trained me, helped me in Ethics – and she did help me, btw – someone who was on staff year after year for decades and who is STILL on staff albeit at another org – a Scientology Class V org staff member going back to the early 80s…and she’s QAnon now.

    Which means she believes at least SOME portion of the vast panorama of outrageous rubbish that Q believes.

    ITS BLOWING MY MIND!

    She was helpful, she was sane (or gave a very good imitation of being so).

    How does someone go from being very sane, calm, objective and level headed to embracing Q and all its wild, unproven theories? And I wonder if her org knows that one of their staff members is a QAnon.

    I am trying to puzzle out how this – what is the word – transmogrification – without drugs assuredly because she couldn’t be on staff and be taking drugs – how this magical transformation of a person’s thinking processes from sane to insane can occur.

    Thanks for reading. Its calming to be able to honestly share 🙂

    Reply
    • Real says

      April 15, 2022 at 11:42 am

      Aqua, why would it surprise you that a cult member has embraced another cult? QAnon, BLM, Antifa, A.L.F. are all nutty cults. These attract nuts..

      Reply
      • Aquamarine says

        April 15, 2022 at 3:03 pm

        Real, here’s the thing: I see this point you’re making clearly now. As a matter of fact, after I posted my comment the very point you just made occurred to me in this way:

        “She’s OT; she bought the story of Xenu, she STILL buys the Xenu story; she NEVER questioned anything that LRH said: LRH was ALWAYS right; she never questioned Command Intention: Command Intention was ALWAYS right”

        For decades she has seen one thing after another that Miscavige has rolled out and touted as The Real Why as to why planetary clearing could not/would not occur; and last but not least, despite all her training and knowledge of LRH policies (extensive) she NEVER questioned the Ideal Org Program which FLAGRANTLY violated several key LRH policies on how to build orgs.

        To sum up, although she helped me, audited me well (I had stable gains from my auditing with her); although she appeared to me to be someone in full use of her analytical mind, this was a misperception on my part.

        She was NOT analytical in her thinking. I thought she was, she came across as if she were, but she was not. She was a thought stopper of her own thoughts. Being in Scientology for decades, at some point she stopped thinking and questioning, and what took over was a circuit that did her LRH policy thinking for her. And if and/or when Command Intention flouted LRH policy (which was frequently) she a had a circuit that justified the off-policy Command Intention.

        So, yes, she had been conditioned for many years to accept CERTAIN data UNquestioningly. And apart from her Scn staff work she’s not trained to actually DO anything by which she can earn a living. She has had many, many moonlighting jobs, nearly all of them employment given her by Scientologists with businesses. None of them ever lasted long. For 40 years she has never strayed out of her comfort zone, i.e., being a Class V Org staff member and employed by some Scientology small business. Many, many jobs. Always pretty much struggling for money, changing wog jobs frequently.

        Yes, I see now, she was ripe fruit for QAnon and THANK YOU for immediately pointing out what took me MONTHS to realize!

        I guess I had been too close to her, and mentally WAS still close to her, to the situation, to perceive the obvious.

        Reply
  4. Phillip says

    April 15, 2022 at 1:26 am

    How many hours of haranguing did the Becks have to endure before giving in and writing a check so someone could get their Thursday stats up? They look exhausted.

    The $ci.. hamster wheel.
    Step 1 Get the old “hard sell” to give $$$
    Step 2 Give $$$, go into debt
    Step 3 Daylight breaks, reality hits, start worrying about $$$
    Step 4 Ask yourself – how can I make more $$$
    (Guess what – the local $ci.. is having a talk about “having abundance”.)
    Step 5 Attend $ci.. event
    REPEAT

    Reply
  5. Aquamarine says

    April 14, 2022 at 8:52 pm

    Carolyn Groff is likely running this out of her home. Her voicemail message says only, “Hi, this is Carolyn. Please leave a message”.

    This can’t be a mission.

    No address, no identification of an organization of any kind, and certainly no mention of Scientology or Dianetics in her VM message. (Can’t blame her for this last. I mean, slit your throat, you know?)

    Ideal or otherwise isn’t there an M’Org in Glendale or thereabouts which delivers Scientology auditing and training?

    Or maybe I just answered my own question.

    Possibly there IS a Scientology M’Org in the area which is EMPTY and given the cult’s poor reputation very likely to remain so.

    Its possible that even the WORDS “Scientology” and “Dianetics” are “OUT-PR” now.

    Thus to drum up some sort of business, to get sorely needed new public in, the cult is trying something ELSE i.e., sett up an ersatz “org” in someone’s house and advertising it with an innocuous name that could hardly offend anyone.

    If this theory is correct, then good luck, Caroline and Cult – you’re going to need it getting raw public to stick with you. Oh, sure, never ins may call you because you’re hiding who and what you are but sooner or later they’re going to get “arc-broken” and… pffft.

    And then, if this theory is correct, I’m wondering how much Scientology’s rake-off is from Carolyn’s efforts.

    Reply
  6. ExScnStaff says

    April 14, 2022 at 8:48 pm

    What I noticed in the Bogota picture are the papers on the wall behind them. That’s their stat graphs. Multiple gaps tends to reflect empty posts and overworked execs.

    If the few that are distinguishable are anything to go by, their “year of expansion” is off to a really shaky start. One graph has a very nice uptrend, another has a very strong downtrend, one goes wildly up and down but hasn’t trended much out of that realm.

    They’re all excited because one person is now a “fully hatted course supervisor”. He’ll be doing that for the next five years, every day they’re open, every course period they offer.

    Reply
  7. Alcoboy says

    April 14, 2022 at 6:56 pm

    THE MAINTOWN GAZETTE
    14 APRIL 2022
    BREAKING NEWS.

    FUGITIVE SCIENTOLOGIST RECAPTURED
    Maintown Police have recaptured 19 year old Shanaynay Muhammad of the Nation of Islam who is also a member of the Church of Scientology Sea Organization. Miss Muhammad was recaptured after a tip from an individual who identifies as Ammo Alamo led police to the home of Bill and Mary Wilson where Miss Muhammad was apprehended.
    “She was trying to conduct a Committee of Evidence against us!” said Mr. Wilson. “She kept going on accusing us of calling David Miscavige ‘slappy’ and all sorts of accusations, saying we were SPs and downstats. We kept telling her to leave but she just kept yelling at us to address her as ‘sir’!”
    The Church of Scientology, through its Office of Special Affairs, announced that church leader David Miscavige is very upset at how Miss Muhammad allowed herself to be recaptured rather than making it go right. They also announced that Miss Muhammad’s recent Sea Organization promotion to Lieutenant Commander is revoked and she is demoted to her former rank of Midshipman.
    Miss Muhammad was not happy with her being apprehended. “If Minister Farrakhan had come and bailed me out like he said he would, none of this would have happened!”.
    Minister Louis Farrakhan of the Nation of Islam was unavailable for comment.

    Reply
  8. Todd Cray says

    April 14, 2022 at 6:51 pm

    My fave today is Sonja Lavio’s “success story.” She got a Master’s degree at a university, always got good grades and actually manages to write a couple of paragraphs without committing the violence to spelling and grammar found all too often in cult testimonials. But still, she had to acquire a skill that a typical middle schooler will take for granted: How to use a dictionary.

    Why? Because her cult’s founder, a guy who couldn’t even manage freshman intro-level classes, and her high-school dropout “ecclesiastical leader” say so. So whose “case” is she working? Theirs or hers?

    Reply
  9. Mark says

    April 14, 2022 at 10:55 am

    That “Life Training Center” in Glendale, California is not part of the church of dianutics and scienbollocks; they are “independent” distributors of Hubbard’s shite.
    “Ideal”, in Slappy’s Palace of Pure Pimping Profit, equals bigger offshore accounts for him, as well as an endless supply of Macallan, lawyers, and armed private investigators.

    Reply
    • Alcoboy says

      April 14, 2022 at 6:57 pm

      That’s what I thought too, Mark.

      Reply
    • Aquamarine says

      April 14, 2022 at 9:02 pm

      Very interesting. I wonder what the cult’s rake-off is on this enterprise. How much does the independent distributor of Hubbard Tech get to actually keep? Curious minds want to know. All educated guesses will be considered.

      Reply
      • Mark says

        April 15, 2022 at 3:26 am

        Aqua,
        They (cos )don’t get a cut, just like they don’t get a cut of the Dror org’s money(the one in Israel)…
        Pope Pimp Pompadour demands the big bucks from his current flock of wealthy cultists, and is too busy running lawyers, guns(p.i.’s), and money to be bothered with the gnat-weight pee-meter magicians in the Pee Zone…
        Captain McSavage has his mind on his money and his money on his mind…AND he has a lot more than 99 problems, but the “Life Training Center” ain’t one of ’em…

        Reply
        • Aquamarine says

          April 15, 2022 at 3:24 pm

          @Mark,
          “Pope Pimp Pompadour”…laughter…good one 🙂

          Reply
      • Real says

        April 15, 2022 at 11:30 am

        Aqua if you are talking about Field Auditors that report to the CoS, I believe they must give 10% – 20% of what they charge (and they cannot charge less than a Class V org does) to IHELP (CSI).

        Reply
        • Aquamarine says

          April 15, 2022 at 3:36 pm

          @Real,

          I see. Yes, I’m familiar with IHELP, thanks.

          Ok, she must be a Field Auditor then, who also has an Academy of sorts wherein she trains auditors too. And this sort of organization can be established in a Scientologist’s residential home. (I’m assuming she’s operating this business out of her home because in her ad there is no address.) Seems dodgy to me. This is technically a business, no? A field auditor is not dispensing religion. Money is being charged for services rendered, and yet, no address. Seems dodgy.

          Reply
  10. gorillavee says

    April 14, 2022 at 10:27 am

    Wait – are they now offering auditor internships for each level separately? If so, wow! the scam gets scammy-er.

    Reply
  11. Zee Moo says

    April 14, 2022 at 10:19 am

    That picture of all the steak house waiters with masks and gloves make me think someone is in for a colonoscopy.

    Reply
    • Todd Cray says

      April 14, 2022 at 6:55 pm

      My thought was that they probably had those arms raised but somehow someone thought better of it. Maybe they used a wog image consultant… Not that TR-Fisting looks much better

      Reply
      • Mark says

        April 15, 2022 at 3:28 am

        “TR Fisting”
        😂😂😂😂 “holy shit!”

        Reply
    • Alcoboy says

      April 14, 2022 at 6:57 pm

      Or a really radioactive sirloin.

      Reply
    • PlanetshipT says

      April 15, 2022 at 1:37 pm

      My thoughts exactly. If I were the photographer I would be backing my prostate out of that room ASAP.

      Reply
  12. Glenn says

    April 14, 2022 at 9:15 am

    The picture of the Bogota staff standing in front of the exit door (Salida) with their fists raised only conveys the true message; we got you, don’t even think of trying to escape”.

    Reply
    • Mark says

      April 15, 2022 at 3:34 am

      Glenn,
      OR…It’s a bit of foreshadowing…
      ¡NOSOTROS ESCAPAMOS AHORA!
      😉😎

      Reply
      • Glenn says

        April 15, 2022 at 8:53 am

        Mark,

        Foreshadowing, yes indeed.
        “Let us out or we’ll smash this framed certificate in your face.”

        😠

        Reply
        • Mark says

          April 16, 2022 at 5:08 am

          Indeed😉

          Reply
    • GL says

      April 15, 2022 at 9:52 pm

      I just thought they were daring anyone to try and take their daily bean and rice grain from their clenched fists.

      Reply

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