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Thursday Funnies

July 21, 2022 By Mike Rinder 23 Comments

 

The Chan Man

He is going to singlehandedly make Canada ideal, like he has the US (except for those who are still trying…)

If this guy is SO powerful, how come all orgs aren’t done yet?

 

 

The Magic of Chicago?

Bringing out the best in your child… Plus Freewinds “goodwill” tour and the Top Gun Chicago Air and Water show.

Every one of these is a disguised recruitment event. Trying to get anyone to show up they can pressure into joining staff.

Why not start with Marcy Sargeant?

 

Wick Allcock is still in Melbourne?

He HAS been “put out to pasture” — and having been in the SO since a teenager, he has NO IDEA how to disseminate scientology.

 

This is an “ideal” org

They are so excited they have one person “studying” the Academy levels they have to promote it. No completion, just that they have a person studying…

 

Er, that’s quite the Comm Lag

He died in September 2021 and you are holding the memorial service in July 2022???

He, after 30 years in the Sea Org made it “all the way up the Bridge to pre-OT levels”?

 

Never stops the hustle

“I can arrange pictures with him”…

Wonder if Joy Villa is going to join in?

 

ASHO is coming and they’re bringing food!

Don’t miss this epic, milestone event.

 

Another epic, milestone event

They are bringing in someone to talk about the ACCs and HQS? Guess they don’t have any actual graduates this week…

 

More Chicago “magic”

Struggling to stay open for nearly 50 years now.

That’s something to celebrate.

 

Another “I am training”

No graduates of anything to promote…

And not even someone on an actual training course.

 

What about the IAS?

 

Nelson Mandela Day

We are using it as an excuse to promote Mary Shuttleworth…

 

Seats are limited…

For re-showings of old video briefings.

Yeah, sure thing.

 

 

Still “Gearing Up”

Anything is possible…

 

Hubbard knew all about loyalty

Juts ask Mary Sue

 

Forget the Irish

Dublin caters almost exclusively to those they can entice to come there with cheap prices

 

“Permanent” FSM

And that is better than just being a normal FSM because?

Absolutely nothing.

But status is incredibly important in scientology.

 

Jettero Heller can solve the world’s problems…

Even Hubbard’s fiction is seen by scientologists as offering insight and “tech.”

 

Kiddie Corner

She looks so bright….

 

It’s always food these days…

 

Silicon Valley Ideal Org

Don’t hear much from them these days.

Remember when they were going to take Google, Apple etc by storm because they had a new “ideal” org?

 

The plan to “handle” NY…

Yeah, they can’t even pay their electric bills.

 

“Call Party” after the meeting

Boy, that really sound like fun.

And this is some impressive looking promotion

 

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Filed Under: Funnies Tagged With: Alex Baybak, Andrew Stevens, asho, Auckland, Dublin Org, Malmo Org, Marcy Sargeant, Mary Shuttleworth, Melbourne org, Michael Chan, ny org, silicon valley, Stacy Francis, Vancouver org, Wick Allcock

Comments

  1. Aquamarine says

    July 22, 2022 at 6:46 pm

    “Space is limited.”

    But then so are the attendees.

    Feel free to take that statement definitively.

    Reply
    • Aquamarine says

      July 22, 2022 at 6:52 pm

      “MISTER Peggy Crawford.”

      Just gross. God, I hate the Sea Org.

      Reply
  2. xTeamXenu75to03chuckbeatty says

    July 22, 2022 at 7:02 am

    The one advertisement of the man holding the Level 0 plastic binder with the Level 0 “auditor” training materials, probably contains the “course pack” of issues to study, and the CDs of the Level 0 lectures of which there are about 10-20 of them approximately, a “paper” could be done listing out the pseudo-therapy techniques employed on Level 0.

    The techniques of pseudo-therapy used in Level 0 could be listed out, and a chapter written describing their use.

    The techniques application rules are quite varied technique to technique, but in general the “auditing” (pseudo-therapy) is asking questions of the recipient and the recipient answers, digging up answers and in that process of digging up answers, they hopefully have some relief.

    Most Scientologists literally just play along, especially the more experienced Scientologists super play along, they get the hang of how to dig up answers that satisfy all the Hubbard requirements for a successfully run pseudo-therapy technique.

    I remember giving an after session ‘exam” to Norman Starkey after he had received the assisted exorcism processing “OT 5 exorcism done on him.”

    He sadly beamed and exuded a serene jubilence which the super exorcised upper Scientologists learn to emit in order to pass the “exam” after each “session” of exorcism they receive by the Class 9 exorcist, it was Kevin True who did Norman’s “OT 5 exorcism session” on Norman.

    If a Scientologist gets to OT 5, they get also into the hang of things they have to do, to “pass” and get the “Floating TA” Emeter result necessary to complete an individual exorcism OT 5 session.

    Norman had this down pat, he beamed, and it was still strained, put on, faked, it was not the utterly sincere honest reaction, but a deeply feigned “Floating TA” serenity he’d perfected.

    To fake the “Floating TA” takes a whole higher level of sadly dishonest putting on the serene relief of having just exorcised some body-thetans/body-thetan-cluster.

    The upper Scientologists get the hang of putting on the “Floating TA” end phenomenon in order to have a good ending to their exorcism “auditing NOTs” sessions.

    Scientologist go through a lot of behavioral changes to play along as the recipients to the pseudo-therapy and exorcism sessions they will get as Scientologists.

    That is even more dismal when you think of the mental conditioning damage which Scientology does to people.

    —————————

    Playing along to falsely advertise and insufficiently never tell the simplest truths in advertising (which are simply that Scientology is a training and application of pseudo-therapy and exorcism by the members) goes coincident with the playing along of the members when they receive the pseudo-therapy and exorcism, and get the knack of how to receive it, and come out the other end of having received it, to the satisfaction of the Hubbard rules.

    It’s all enforced playing along-ism to doing the pseudo-therapy and exorcism.

    That’s the brainwashing, to use the popular label, of the mental conditioning, that Scientology guides the members into, when they do the pseudo-therapy and exorcism.

    They become these put on strained “happy faced” persons, who learn how to act the correct way to have the Emeter have the “floating needle” or in the case of the OT 4 and 5 exorcism steps, to have the “Floating TA” needle on the Emeter.

    Scientologists get groomed. That’s the brainwashing.

    Reply
  3. xTeamXenu75to03chuckbeatty says

    July 22, 2022 at 6:41 am

    One thing consistent is the “mystery” and not telling who and what Scientology is.

    It’s just never simply accurately told.

    But, spoiler alert, it’s pseudo-therapist training, and exorcist training. And then it is doing the pseudo-therapy and doing the exorcism.

    It’s very difficult to become a “good auditor” (good pseudo-therapist), in Scientology.

    And the percentage of non quitter Scientologists who haven’t reached the secret exorcism levels of upper secret Scientology is at least 9 to 1. Maybe even worse.

    And it’s Hubbard policy never to reveal all their secret exorcism levels, OT 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7.

    Scientology is a pseudo-therapy and exorcism subject.

    No where do they ever say this, and Hubbard never allowed it be said like this.

    So the core role expected by members, to become pseudo-therapists sufficiently good enough to do the exorcism first step, OT 3 exorcism which is done by the member on themselves.

    Members do have to become at least a good enough pseudo-therapist to do the “solo” self to self, selfie exorcism steps OT 3, 6 and 7. With OT 4 and 5 exorcism steps done on them by the Class 9 pseudo-therapist/exorcists who all have to be Sea Org exorcists.

    They’ll never say this, and instead say all the fluff hype.

    Hubbard policy does not allow them to be honest like I just stated in summary of their activities.

    Some of the pseudo-therapy in Scientology, like the “Truth Rundown” pseudo-therapy, is close to brainwashing. There’s a bunch of different sub sets of pseudo-therapy techniques the Scientologist’s get trained on. Someday a layout of the pseudo-therapy techniques could be done as a fresh “new” outsider research paper.

    Reply
  4. Aquamarine says

    July 22, 2022 at 12:17 am

    Maybe this is silly but if people called me “Mr.” – if I were constantly being spoken to and referred to with “Mr.” in front of my name – I wouldt get so… depressed. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not disparaging men. I like men. Sometimes a lot. I just don’t want to BE one, OK?

    Reply
  5. Aquamarine says

    July 21, 2022 at 11:58 pm

    “I am singing for President Donald Trump…”

    Yo Stacy –
    Good luck, dopey.
    Good luck getting anyone to listen to you while you sing your Scientology MagaCult heart out for “President” Trump.
    Because you got competition, see?
    Stiff competition.
    Happens that quite a few others are also “singing” on behalf of TFG.
    And millions of Americans are listening to them.
    Except these songbirds’ venue is on Capitol Hill.
    Much love,
    Aqua

    Reply
  6. I Yawnalot says

    July 21, 2022 at 6:15 pm

    A quick scan of the funnies this week was kinda sad. One thing came to mind – “the road to hell is paved with good intentions.” How can it not be with the hell that is Scientology? Every one of those flyers is based on lies, like all marketing is in Scientology & Dianetics, since 1950.

    Reply
  7. grisianfarce says

    July 21, 2022 at 4:29 pm

    Sure, switch the planet to a hydrogen economy and release genetically engineered bacteria into the atmosphere to clean the air – solving the world’s problems is a snap! Shame the rest of Mission Earth is filled with puerile rubbish.

    Reply
  8. Paul Ronk says

    July 21, 2022 at 2:31 pm

    Off topic,

    Yesterday I called back to a 323 area coded telephone number that I suspected was a scn number. It was a recruiter calling from Austin, TX. She was polite, and going by the book. I spoke the language. After about five minutes of polite conversation, I informed her that I was no longer a scn’ist. She asked me to repeat it. I did. She said something like “they said it was the tone” and hung up.

    My interpretation: I am what we used to call a “good 1.1.” Sadly, I will now be really introverted about that fact for a few days.

    Reply
  9. Jere Lull says

    July 21, 2022 at 2:23 pm

    “Mr. Peggy Crawford”… Have they gotten their gender assignments mixed up AGAIN? I’ve never before met a guy named
    ‘Peggy’.

    Reply
    • Alcoboy says

      July 21, 2022 at 9:00 pm

      She must be Sea Org. They do this due to their belief that a thetan has no gender. All SO members are addressed as “Mister” and “Sir” regardless of gender.
      Or they are referred to as “shitass” behind their back if they happen to be a complete douche!

      Reply
      • Aquamarine says

        July 22, 2022 at 6:58 pm

        No gender, huh? Fair enough. Ok, instead of “COB” let’s start calling DM “Miss Miscavige”. LOL! Can you just imagine his face? LOLOL!!!!!!!!!!

        And while we’re at it, instead of LRH or Ron, how about “Miss Hubbard”?

        If there was really no gender, all the females would be Mister, and all the males Miss.

        Reply
        • Mark Kamran says

          July 23, 2022 at 12:08 am

          😂😂😂😂😂

          That’s exactly mentioned by George Orwells in his novel 1984 as new speak ( or some thing similar) , a language which led to isolation and cutt off from massess.

          The objective was to keep people as “obedient followers” by mental slavery.

          Cults flourishes in fear of massess and glued followers to its core leadership.

          That’s why they have expiry of 50 years, none of them made century.

          Age of Extinction 2025 , every beginning has an end

          Reply
          • Aquamarine says

            July 25, 2022 at 9:29 pm

            Yes, I can definitely see how a group’s agreement to their females being called “Mr.” and males “Ms” or “Miss” would lead to their isolation from the the rest of the planet.

            If its forced, its disgusting, I say. There are other ways of forming a strong, healthy group. God almighty, what a sick place the Sea Org is. Hardly a week goes by that I don’t thank the powers that be that gave me a legit excuse to not be in the Sea Org.

            Some day if he’s still alive I might find that guy, so many years ago, in a foreign land, who gave me – at the time a total drug/dope novice – a marijuana cigarette – but wait! It was laced with hallucinogens!

            Memory Lane Alert:
            I was 21, had never tried grass before, had no idea what it was like, he gave me some and wow wow wow was i hallucinating for the rest of the afternoon! Kind of frightening. I thought I might die.

            “Never again!!!” I told my friends when I returned to the States. They were smoking dope and wanting me to join them. “No way!!”

            I told them of how i had tried it, smoked one, and soon afterwards seen double, seen upside down, heard voices as whispers and then voices as roars…crazy colors…bizarre…for hours afterward. I was scared.

            “Marijuana is scary! I’ll never touch it, never!” Earnestly, they did their best to convince me that grass was a MELLOW thing, a mellow high, and NOTHING like I had experienced. I still resisted.

            But 🙂
            Years later after being told the same thing by a number of people, I did capitulate, and smoked a little, to be social, giving in to peer pressure, etc., and I clearly saw the difference.

            it WAS a mellow thing. Grass was a mellow thing and it just made me ravenously hungry and very approving of everyone and everything. Someone along the way explained that that first reefer I was smoked had probably been laced with LSD or peyote or ground hallucinogenic mushrooms or something. Whew! That guy! I guess he thought it was funny. Nothing happened bad to me, he didn’t harm me in any way, but wow, what a bad trip! I recall it like it was yesterday. Whatever was in there was baaaad – for me at least.

            But you know what? It kept me out of the Sea Org! And so some day I hope I run into him so that I can thank him. His name was Alan and he was from New York City 🙂

            Yo Alan, wherever you are!
            Thanks for LSD or the Peyote disguised as weed.
            You kept me out of the Sea Org.
            Love,
            Aqua

            Reply
        • Alcoboy says

          July 23, 2022 at 7:26 am

          Now, Aqua. We don’t want to rattle the little monkey’s chain.
          On the other hand, it would be interesting to see what would happen if he were addressed as a female.

          Reply
  10. otherles says

    July 21, 2022 at 10:50 am

    I shall refrain from commenting on all this nonsense, instead I’ll just link to a bit of Entheta (along with a bit of Joking and Degrading):

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LUOOqmCL5MI

    ‘m the urban space man, baby; I’ve got speed
    I’ve got everything I need
    I’m the urban spaceman, baby; I can fly
    I’m a supersonic guy
    I don’t need pleasure
    I don’t feel pain
    If you were to knock me down I’d just get up again
    I’m the urban spaceman, baby; I’m makin’ out
    I’m all about
    I wake up every morning with a smile upon my face
    My natural exuberance spills out all over the place
    I’m the urban spaceman, I’m intelligent and clean
    Know what I mean?
    I’m the urban spaceman, as a lover second to none
    It’s a lot of fun
    I never let my friends down
    I’ve never made a boob
    I’m a glossy magazine, an advert in the tube
    I’m the urban spaceman, baby; here comes the twist–
    I don’t exist

    Reply
    • Alcoboy says

      July 21, 2022 at 9:05 pm

      And the Pythons never realized the link between their song and Scientology.
      Or did they?

      Reply
      • otherles says

        July 22, 2022 at 8:04 am

        I don’t believe they have.

        Reply
  11. Peridot says

    July 21, 2022 at 10:03 am

    It’s wonderful to be an “FSM” – field staff member, getting others introduced and unto service, until you discover you have to spend hour upon hour writing reports and managing disputes with tech, registrars, and org staff who may claim they (instead) are the rightful owners/recipients of the FSM commission. (Orgs get commission when one of their public go to an advanced org for service AND THEY NEED THE MONEY, so “game on” if the org feels they are the rightful FSM there.)

    It is a punishing role, to be sure, as it drains the person of so much time and energy. Scientology seems to have its own special brew for manifesting, “No good deed goes unpunished.”

    I suspect most active FSMs could have written their own “decology” (1o books) on some subject of choice with the time and ink they spend on report writing (and phone calls and emailing) to manage selectee disputes and ups and downs with orgs and org staff members, registrars and fundraisers.

    Reply
    • GL says

      July 21, 2022 at 9:37 pm

      Darn! And here I was thinking it meant Fu–ing Silly Moron. You have ruined my day Peridot.

      Reply
      • Peridot says

        July 22, 2022 at 1:17 pm

        LOL #dayruiner

        Reply
  12. safetyguy says

    July 21, 2022 at 8:25 am

    “How to hire loyal employees.” That is a pretty simple subject. No mystery there. The problem is I doubt my ideas of how to do that are not in line with theirs.

    1. Pay a fair wage and give good benefits. I have read that scientology is great at this. (Please note sarcasm, much sarcasm)

    2. Treat them a valuable people who have ideas, abilities and skills that you may not have.

    3. In short, treat them as human beings and like you would want to be treated.

    The most valuable asset that any business has is the people who do the job. Where the rubber meets the road. Not the “boss” who sits in the office and demands loyalty but the people who do the work. They are the most valuable asset. Let me put it this way, if the owner of the company I work for died tonight we would still put out work tomorrow. If we lost our welders we would put nothing out tomorrow. Pretty simple.

    The owner of the company I work for does these three things. Am I loyal? I am almost 71 years old and I still work for him 50 hours a week and love it.

    I value our workers. I’m just the safety guy who takes good care of our most valuable asset.

    Think I could give that seminar?

    Reply
    • Aquamarine says

      July 22, 2022 at 12:07 am

      Yes, I do think you could give a seminar, and what’s more I’m quite sure I’d learn from it.

      Reply

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