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Thursday Funnies

September 15, 2022 By Mike Rinder 12 Comments

 

These are the “top” scientology orgs…

Wow, if Joburg is way up there, and Silicon Valley, OMG things are even worse than I had thought. They are both completely and utterly empty…

 

We are gearing up…

A guy on his Method 1 is their Technical Team? They are going to be gearing up for a LOOONG time.

 

There are 77 neighborhoods in Chicago

So, that means you should join staff.

Wonder if they know Baskin Robbins has 43 flavors? That should be good for some signups too.

And did you realize Chicago has TWO MLB teams? Everyone should sign up on that basis alone.

 

Cliff Woods returns from the grave…

This guy was formerly the notorious International Finance Ethics Officer in the heady days of these clowns terrorizing orgs and missions and taking their money. No surprise he doesn’t mention that on his resume describing how he uses the tech to “help others succeed.”

 

Not really the most valuable beings on the planet

That title actually belongs to registrars.

 

Complimentary refreshments

How exciting

 

5th Anniversary

If that’s what they call historical they must be getting their definition from the Admin dictionary…

 

Top Gun now Elvis

Locals on protocols???

Used to be locals on service. I guess they don’t have any of those?

 

Why virtual?

No money to get anyone to do tours

 

Ooh

That’s quite an incentive

 

Kiddie Corner

 

They’ll try to cash in on anything

They tag their propaganda onto anything, no matter how inappropriate

 

A quote from J Paul Getty, not L. Ron Hubbard?

These guys are in big trouble.

They don’t even mention LRH or the COB.

 

Tim Bowles needs some love

 

They’re back

Just like Jack Nicholson in The Shining.

You know ladies, your org isn’t anywhere on the list of top orgs in the Birthday Game. Maybe you should focus on that rather than trying to get money for other orgs.

As I recall, Valley is the largest (sq footage) Class V org in the world. And apparently it is doing less scientology than Joburg or Silicon Valley or Dublin…

 

 

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Filed Under: Funnies Tagged With: Auditor's Day, CCHR, Chicago org, Cliff Woods, Columbus Org, Dublin Org, Joe Guernaccini, psychiatry, Tim Bowles, valley org

Comments

  1. Mark says

    September 16, 2022 at 2:59 pm

    A “church” that is obssessed with money and features a J.Paul Getty quote about it in its ” promotional material”.
    Hmmm, yes, I’m feeling intensely spiritual, compassionate vibes emanating from these folks… It sounds TOTALLY legit.
    Sign me up!😂😂😂

    Reply
  2. Alyssa says

    September 16, 2022 at 7:46 am

    Was thinking about the ongoing civil lawsuits today and wondering if anyone has tried to sue COS in small claims court? A few states including California require that you have to represent yourself and can’t have a lawyer present. I realize the settlement cap amount would be grossly less than what anyone suing Scientology deserves. But the thought of Judge Judy getting ahold of some of the Scientology upper talking heads makes me smile. One can dream.

    Reply
  3. tesseract says

    September 16, 2022 at 6:13 am

    Hey Mike, happy to read you wrote a book. Looking forward to it! Too bad it’ll only come out in subjectively 27 billion years, but worth it. I’ll set an alarm. Currently in hibernation, found a nice heap of leaves already. Goodwinter, then, you restless bipeds. (Seriously, WTF? You guys don’t even get a winter coat…)

    Reply
  4. GL says

    September 16, 2022 at 3:40 am

    “They’ll try to cash in on anything”

    Strange, could it be that that Bart Billings is a $camologist?

    https://www.scientologynews.org/press-releases/psychologists-in-support-of-ban-on-electroshock.html
    https://www.scientologynews.org/press-releases/the-drugging-of-children-and-vets-exposed.html
    https://www.patheos.com/blogs/scientologybeliefs/2018/05/4511/

    And the list and the bullshit goes on and…so I’m guessing the answer is, “Yes, he is a $camologist.”

    Tipsforsuccess is a cheap lookingsite no doubt based on $camolo0gy’s penchant free open source crappy software.

    https://www.tipsforsuccess.org/

    Readers comments –

    Jan Houston-Solari, $camologist.
    Chris Canicosa-Miles, $camologist.
    Mary Gessay, most likely a $camologist.
    Susan Regier, see above.
    Arte Maren, need I say anything more.
    And the others listed will be part of (or have ties to) $camology.

    Yet another tiresome $camology site and racket.

    Reply
  5. Aquamarine says

    September 15, 2022 at 11:43 pm

    “Chicago is often referred to as a ‘cleaner’ New York…”

    Hilarious!

    I don’t live there but I know the city of Chicago and its neighborhoods fairly well. Never once have I heard it referred to as anything like New York, cleaner or otherwise.

    Could this be a not-too-subtle attempt on the part of Chicago Org to moon-rip NY Org staff?

    Yo Chicago Org –
    Give New York Org a break, OK?
    They still haven’t recovered from the moon-ripping they got from tiny little Harlem Org in 2016.
    Harlem had a hell of a time getting staff.
    They “outflowed” all over the US for staff.
    No luck with that gambit so temp Sea Org finally bit the bullet and moon-ripped from New York Org.
    Your reference for this would be one of Mike’s articles shortly after Harlem’s historic ribbon cutting.
    Make sure you clear your words now.
    Much love,
    Aqua

    Reply
  6. ExScnStaff says

    September 15, 2022 at 6:34 pm

    I’m not as surprised at Silicon Valley being up pretty high on the cumulative points. They can be dead quiet, no activity, but have deep-pocketed whales to call on. They also do quite a bit of cross-pollination of public with stuff like a Chen seminar to public of all surrounding orgs (SF, Los Gatos, Stevens Creek).

    I don’t know exactly what the points are earned from, but I do know that at least three of those could be running on 2-3 whales who pad their stats.

    Reply
  7. ExScnStaff says

    September 15, 2022 at 5:51 pm

    If they want to know “three ways to start the step-by-step process of increasing … income”, I can offer a one-step one-way answer:

    Get as far away from Scn as possible. You’ll have more time to produce what you want that can be exchanged for income. You’ll have more of the money you already earn as income to improve yourself and your ability to increase your income.

    Simple. No other step will provide as direct and measurable an improvement.

    Reply
  8. Free Minds, Free Hearts says

    September 15, 2022 at 1:05 pm

    I have never been to Ireland, but have always wanted to go to this enchanted green isle. How can the Dublin org be so ugly? I am actually shocked (and it takes a lot to shock me about this cult)

    Reply
    • Imaberrated says

      September 15, 2022 at 5:56 pm

      Reminiscent of AOSH ANZO.

      Reply
  9. Jimbolito says

    September 15, 2022 at 12:50 pm

    The list of Birthday Game standings made me laugh, and just as Rinder noted: “Wow, if Joburg is way up there, and Silicon Valley, OMG things are even worse than I had thought. They are both completely and utterly empty…”

    35 years ago I sat in a Class 5 Org Advisory Council meeting as we were given the Birthday Game standings, and even then it was just as Mike said. We were #2 and we were, org production wise, tiny and in awful shape. Each of the Ad Council members looked at each other in disbelief, but said nothing. I can guarantee, however, our thoughts were all the same, “WTF? How can this be? If we are #2, what in the world is going on with the rest of the Orgs???” Empty

    Reply
  10. MarcAnon says

    September 15, 2022 at 12:41 pm

    LOL at the first one. Twin Cities is so dead it could be confused with a pharaoh’s tomb

    Reply
  11. otherles says

    September 15, 2022 at 8:46 am

    I was born in a suburb of Chicago. It was a good idea for my family to move to Minnesota.

    The Oath of Enlistment includes a promise to uphold and defend the Constitution of the United States. If I recall correctly the doctrine of Scientology holds that the United States Constitution is invalid.

    Reply

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