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Thursday Funnies

November 12, 2015 By Mike Rinder 107 Comments

The funny as hell SNL spoof of "We Stand Tall" - see it here for a good laugh https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fOpapeX6Vzs

The funny as hell SNL spoof of “We Stand Tall” – see it here for a good laugh again https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fOpapeX6Vzs

Spelling Bee

So the trained ones are the smart ones? Guess that doesn’t include learning how to spell “gotten.”

TRAIN

 

Thanksgiving breakfast?

Breakfast? With all male chefs — now that’s a real selling point. I guess….

Thanksgiving Breakfast

 

The Graduation of All Time

This is how they promoted the graduation where COP announced GAG II for Solo NOTs…

Screenshot (608)

 

 

And along with it was the come-on for the Clearwater NN opening the next day

Wacky…

Screenshot (609)

 

 

CF-A-Thon

And other important activities… Wouldn’t be an “ideal org” without a CF-A-Thon.

ATL

 

 

Really?

The SRD is all that ASHO has to promote?

CHICK (3)

Other than a hot looking supervisor?

How about a sexy auditor?

CHICK (2)

Scientology “ideal girl”?

This really comes across like a sort of Scientology “Playboy bunny” thing. Very weird.

CHICK

 

 

Unabashedly?

You guys do know that L. Ron Hubbard died like 30 years ago, right?

Screenshot (603)

 

 

Carol Kingsley finally antes up

Anyone know who the other woman tucked into her side-boob is?

KING

 

 

This is ART?

If this promo piece is an indicator of the level of artistic skill that will be on display, well, I think I will give it a miss.

THIS IS ART

 

 

Pirates

Seems to be a new theme that is catching on in scientology.

Wonder if they looked up the definition and thought “yep, that’s us”?

PIRATES

 

PIRATES (2)

 

PIRATES (3)

 

The Miracle on 34th St

Will require you giving US money… “Special briefings” is found in the scientology dictionary as a synonym for “reg event” and “fundraiser.”

WTH

 

 

Spot the outpoint

1. Assertion: Los Angeles is the largest concentration of scientologists on earth.

2. Assertion: There are more than 12 million scientologists.

3. Fact: The Shrine holds 6300.

4. Announcement: People are flying in from around the world and San Diego, Orange County and Santa Barbara.

Screenshot (604)

 

 

Moneywinds

They’re rolling out the big guns. At least the big mouth…

Now she is of course an expert on prosperity. Just look at how prosperous the Moneywinds is.

FW

 

Prosperity

I think on the Moneywinds, they use this word more than “epic” and “monumental” perhaps the only place in the scientology bubble to do so.

FW (2)

 

 

Errrmmm

The “ideal” Narconon doesn’t seem to be doing too well. They don’t have staff to supervise withdrawals? What DO they have staff for? And not enough public to “twin up” on the sauna? They are PAYING people to be twins? Crooked down and horizontal for NN UK.

Screenshot (607)

 

 

Outlaws

Goes along with the Pirate theme. Outlaws. Desperados. Dead or alive. Church?

OUTLAWS

 

OUTLAWS (2)

 

 

We have new finance lines…

And are getting practically 100% approvals? WTF? For loans?

Screenshot (605)

 

 

This is the best they could do?

I cannot find more than 15 staff AND public in these shots… The straight up and vertical massive international expansion seems to be bypassing New Mexico.

And everywhere else.

RECAP

 

Food, glorious food…

We don’t have anything else going for us.

And I do think in this case the pie might actually be good.

PIES

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Filed Under: Funnies Tagged With: David Miscavige, Flag Service Organization, Freewinds, funnies, golden age of tech II, Scientology Idle Orgs

Comments

  1. indie8million says

    November 13, 2015 at 10:45 pm

    None of those people at that event in New Mexico look very happy, do they?

    And, what’s very telling at that event in Albuquerque with Ms. Kingsley is that the staff member, sitting down at the table (right frame) has both fists clenched while she’s putting on her game face.

    Pressure in paradise.

    Reply
  2. Todd Cray says

    November 13, 2015 at 2:43 am

    That Shrine event is incredibly telling. Let’s make some INCREDIBLY generous assumptions in favor of scientology.

    1. Let’s say ONLY one half of the claimed 12 million scientologists resides in the US. That would mean about 2% of he US population are scientologists.

    2. Let’s also assume that these scientologists are evenly distributed across the US (an assertion the “church” denies when independent polls turn up only a few thousand scientologists in the US; the “church” claims these polls are unfair, as large numbers of scientologists reside in a few areas such as LA and FL). In other words, we stipulate–in the “church’s” favor–that there are no more scientologists per capita in LA than in Utah, Mississippi or Wyoming. 2%

    3. The LA metro area is home to approximately 18 million people. This means that–super conservatively estimated–about 360,000 scientologists (2%) reside there–in convenient traveling distance to the Shrine. Again, this number would be expected to be much greater, if the “church’s” claims were applied.

    If not one single person outside of the LA metro area were allowed to attend (and the invitation makes it clear that “world-wide” attendance is expected), only 6,300, or 1.75% of these Angeleno scientologists would be lucky enough to be able to attend! And this is not a surprise event–scientologists world-wide KNOW it’s coming. A ticket scalper’s wildest dream!

    Cut the world-wide number by a factor of a whopping 6, and assume there are “only” 2 million scientologists worldwide. Keep the rest of the generous assumptions, and only 1 in 10 Angeleno scientologists would have to show up to fill the Shrine!

    Why oh why is the “church” struggling to arm-twist people to attend? Why does there have to be a “please show up; we need you for the video” plea? With 12 million or even with 1 or 2 million scientologists worldwide, this is impossible to fathom!

    Reply
    • Mike Rinder says

      November 13, 2015 at 7:47 am

      Exactly. Thanks for the logical, truthful breakdown.

      Reply
  3. WalkSoftly says

    November 12, 2015 at 5:55 pm

    So, what happens/takes place at a $cientology ‘sunday service’?? Is it a meeting? A mass? Personal services? A pot luck? Do you have to pay for it?

    Reply
    • Mat Pesch says

      November 12, 2015 at 8:43 pm

      Here is how it works at Flag. First there are staff who have the job of herding some public and staff into
      the auditorium. The staff have already been briefed that cooperation is needed to have a “service” as part of tax exemption. It is mainly low level staff that can be spared for 30 minutes without slowing down the flow of money. Someone dresses with a minister collar and reads some words of wisdom from LRH. There is a choir made up of a few staff that sing a couple songs. Sometimes the baby of a local Scientology public gets a sort of welcome ceremony. The baby gets introduced to its parents and welcomed to the world. Pretty corny. No one pays any money. No praying. No acknowledgement of any god. Just enough bullshit to qualify as a “Sunday service”. Okay, we got that act out of the way. BACK TO WORK!!!!

      Reply
      • Idle Morgue says

        November 12, 2015 at 9:43 pm

        It is part of the “smoke and mirrors” to qualify for tax exemption. It keeps the Show on the Road and Scientology Working. Lawrence Brennan, a Scientology Staff member turned whistle blower – writes all about in in his affidavit found on the internet. (Thank you for coming clean Lawrence Brennan – RIP).

        Reply
  4. Aquamarine says

    November 12, 2015 at 4:59 pm

    Funny, the obsession with pirates. Pirates were thieves and cutthroats…oh, wait…

    Reply
  5. Cre8tivewmn says

    November 12, 2015 at 4:18 pm

    I look at these ads and imagine scientologists must have an entire closet devoted to the costumes required for these exciting events. Pirate day, cowboy day, star wars day, superhero day, etc, etc, etc. Oh, yes and khaki day! What a fun masquerade religion!

    Reply
  6. TheHoleDoesNotExist says

    November 12, 2015 at 2:43 pm

    Wait. Not only is ASHO delivering SRD, they are a) actually promoting it like they’re proud b) their customers are likely so old that even I probably know their names c) their customers are so OT, so many times over, they’re probably happy to be doing Anything other than OT levels, a/k/a Perpetual Sec Checks, the Bridge to Bankruptcy and d) the clincher: it’s being delivered in Lebanon Hall. Lebanon Hall!

    If I could only get a message to

    a) staff: Find out where you are NOT

    b) public: Those SRD OT’s stumbling around in the dingy, dark and ever moldy halls of Lebanon: when you go to the wall and feel those scratch marks embedded down to the third paint layer, that was me. I left them there to send you a message: RUN!

    Reply
    • Ann B Watson says

      November 12, 2015 at 5:07 pm

      Hi TheHoleDoesNotExist,Great post.I like to picture “run” flashing on the brains of those still in.Jolt them out of their sleep.Love,Ann.

      Reply
  7. Banrion says

    November 12, 2015 at 2:17 pm

    Someone should forward those ripoff Pirates of the Caribbean posters to Disney. They are vicious about defending their trademarks.

    Reply
  8. KatherineINCali says

    November 12, 2015 at 1:01 pm

    In the SRD flyer:

    “There are people around me now that are furious if they don’t get a chance to be in comm with me.”

    Yeah, I’m sure they’re losing sleep over it. Gag me.

    Reply
    • Old Surfer Dude says

      November 12, 2015 at 2:44 pm

      With a spoon…

      Reply
    • Good People says

      November 12, 2015 at 3:48 pm

      Don’t forget she also turned her dynamics upside down and inside out, or something like that. Is that a good thing?

      Reply
      • Bob Eckert says

        November 13, 2015 at 10:10 am

        ALL of her dynamics, including her latest 2-D, are upside down and inside out now.

        Reply
  9. CleverK says

    November 12, 2015 at 12:49 pm

    Is it just me, or do both the Winds/Prosperity posters look like they are advertising a “Crossing Over with John Edward” event? Perhaps the path to prosperity lies in contacting your dead relatives to ask them if they left any unclaimed cash lying about.

    Reply
  10. ealadha says

    November 12, 2015 at 12:40 pm

    It is like as if this is an alternate universe where scientologists are completely whacked out nut jobs .
    I checked world maps on the internet and according to those maps this is a completely different earth from the one I grew up on.
    New Zealand is South south west of Australia and the northern part of Australia is flat, there is no spike on the north east of Australia and north of Australia there is no land masses for thousands of miles, the continent of Australia is completely isolated from the rest of the world, I am describing here Australia on the earth in the parallel universe that I am from. Scientology is very different in that universe.
    Has anyone else noticed the differences in this world ? Seriously, I am not joking here .

    Reply
    • ealadha says

      November 12, 2015 at 1:30 pm

      On the earth I come from there was a film with Tom Cruise in it and it was called ‘Interview with a vampire’ on this parallel universe earth here it is called ‘Interview with the vampire’ which does not make sense because there is more than one vampire, so why would it be called ‘with the vampire’!
      The fast food restauraunts were called MacDonalds not McDonalds that they are called on this earth, everything seems to be altered here from what it was on the other earth .
      Mike is there a tech forum somewhere on the internet that I could discuss this where people might take it seriously ?

      Reply
      • Mike Rinder says

        November 12, 2015 at 1:33 pm

        Huh?

        Reply
        • Old Surfer Dude says

          November 12, 2015 at 2:46 pm

          WTF????

          Reply
          • I Yawnalot says

            November 12, 2015 at 2:58 pm

            I’ll double that WTF but then again, maybe it’s better to wait until it comes out in paperback?

            Reply
          • mark marco says

            November 12, 2015 at 3:15 pm

            No.

            Reply
            • I Yawnalot says

              November 12, 2015 at 6:46 pm

              Rightie O, let’s do it!

              Reply
        • ealadha says

          November 12, 2015 at 2:53 pm

          Look up ‘the Mandela effect’ on the internet, people have memories of the past that are different than what is recorded to have happened in reality, for example many people around the world clearly remember Nelson Mandela dying in prison in the nineties, it would help to explain what has happened to scientology, scientology was different in the other universe that I remember .

          Reply
          • Mike Rinder says

            November 12, 2015 at 3:14 pm

            I dont get what you are asking for? Someone forum to speak to people that understand the universe you remember?

            Reply
            • ealadha says

              November 12, 2015 at 3:19 pm

              I was just asking because I thought that this might not be the place to talk about it here because this blog seems to be for ridiculing scientology, or is it ? or can we discuss anything here ? Or is it appropriate to discuss this kind of thing here ?

              Reply
              • Aquamarine says

                November 12, 2015 at 5:12 pm

                ealadha, on this blog you can pretty much air any opinion about Scientology and be responded to with agreement, disagreement or anything in between, provided we understand what the f***k you are actually saying.

            • Just me says

              November 12, 2015 at 3:41 pm

              Posting “off-topic” is a classic way of directing away from the issue at hand.

              This intro leaves me thinking someone is Koolaid thirsty…

              “It is like as if this is an alternate universe where scientologists are completely whacked out nut jobs .”

              As that is mainly the “real” universe.

              Reply
            • Edward says

              November 12, 2015 at 7:44 pm

              I think you have a Scientology visitor Mike. Should we write up a knowledge report and send it to Dave?

              Its great to see your blog making a difference.

              Reply
          • CleverK says

            November 12, 2015 at 3:35 pm

            Wow, really? The “Mandela effect” is not a legitimate phenomenon with any scientific credence. It’s a made-up term by a self-proclaimed “paranormal consultant,” for people who have imagined something happening which never did, or who are remembering historical or personal events incorrectly, trying to justify their inaccurate memory with a silly invented concept.

            The only real part of the “Mandela effect” is that some people can’t be bothered to admit when they are wrong about something, so they claim that they are observing or remembering an alternate-universe timeline. People convincing themselves that hurricane Katrina happened in August are not remembering an alternate universe, they are simply wrong.

            And given that even Quantum physicists cannot prove the existence of alternate universes – and even if they theorize they exist they have zero evidence of people being able to traverse said universes – it doesn’t make this imaginary effect a legitimate reality.

            Reply
            • CleverK says

              November 12, 2015 at 3:38 pm

              See, here’s a great example Hurricane Katrina did happen in August, some people mistakenly imagine it happened in April and convince themselves that’s an example of the “Mandela effect.”

              But my typing in the wrong month doesn’t make me an observer of an alternate universe. It just means I made a mistake and mixed up two months which start with the same letter.

              Reply
          • I Yawnalot says

            November 12, 2015 at 6:45 pm

            Hubbard talked about “other 17th centuries” once.
            Does that help?

            Reply
      • CleverK says

        November 12, 2015 at 2:13 pm

        In addition to Mike’s entirely valid “Huh?”

        The movie and the book are both called “Interview With the Vampire” because – despite there being more vampires in the story – only one vampire is being interviewed. Or did you miss that it’s only Louis talking to the reporter the entire time?

        Reply
  11. RogerHornaday says

    November 12, 2015 at 12:25 pm

    Not very impressive examples of the photographic arts represented on the flyer. Being an artist myself, I’d say nothing artistic is happening in the scientology domain nor has it EVER. Artists, that is to say, people who have real creative talent, tend to be put off by the authoritarian and conformist mentality engendered by the Hubbardarian way of thinking. Consequently, for all the delirious testimonials describing Clear and OT higher consciousness, scientologists have never distinguished themselves as brilliantly creative artists. Or thinkers.

    Reply
  12. Bob Eckert says

    November 12, 2015 at 12:20 pm

    “Unabashed” flier: “If you haven’;t been for a while– it’s time!” Some Suppressive Person has put a stray semicolon in there. Trying to give everyone pneumonia?

    “Spot the Outpoint”: New Years [sic] Event on December 27? Of course, that outpoint is such a long-standing tradition nobody even thinks about it anymore.

    “Food, Glorious Food…”: “Learn how to create meaningful relationship with friends and family you haven’t seen in years.” Uhhh: blow, and apologize for disconnecting from them?

    Reply
  13. mark marco says

    November 12, 2015 at 12:08 pm

    “…being out and living life on my own terms is the best revenge.”

    -Old Surfer Dude

    Reply
  14. threefeetback says

    November 12, 2015 at 11:54 am

    Dave,

    You are taking the concept, ‘the lights are on but nobody is home’, to a whole new level. Your Way To Happiness building in Glendale has the lights OFF, but SOMEBODY hiding behind a desk.

    Reply
  15. Phil says

    November 12, 2015 at 11:54 am

    The crotch shot in Art Lightment … LMAO !!

    Reply
    • threefeetback says

      November 12, 2015 at 12:14 pm

      Depends do wonders

      Reply
      • Phil says

        November 12, 2015 at 12:40 pm

        Looks like the EP of the SRD .. Lol

        Reply
  16. Cre8tivewmn says

    November 12, 2015 at 11:48 am

    D. F. said ” there are people around me now that are furious if they don’t get a chance to be in com with me. ”

    This is a good thing? Who would brag about that?

    Reply
  17. Leslie Bates says

    November 12, 2015 at 11:46 am

    My worst subject in high school was English and my ability to write fiction is questionable (http://www.counter-factual.net/upload/showthread.php?t=25075) but brought would be preferable togotten.

    Reply
  18. The Oracle says

    November 12, 2015 at 11:25 am

    All male chefs? How fast can I finish A to E?

    Reply
    • Aquamarine says

      November 12, 2015 at 7:34 pm

      🙂

      Reply
    • Cindy says

      November 13, 2015 at 4:06 pm

      Yes I caught that too, Oracle. Discrimination on the basis of gender. Then what can you expect when the leader is a misogynist

      The woman at the side of the other one (“in her left boob”) picture — that is the IAS registrar, who used to be married to LD Sledge. I think her name is Kathy but not sure. She’s a top IAS reg.

      Reply
  19. SILVIA says

    November 12, 2015 at 11:17 am

    They won’t fill the Shrine Auditorium for New Years event with the scarce population of blind followers, so, staff from all areas, such as Sand Diego, OC, the 200 super staff of LA org and so on will be called to follow command intention and attend the event. Extras may need to be hired as well.

    Now, on the other hand this is a great opportunity for the staff to take a long nap while Shermanspoke gives his convoluted speech.

    Reply
    • Old Surfer Dude says

      November 12, 2015 at 2:51 pm

      And you know, SILVIA, I’ve heard that Shermanspeak is guaranteed to put anyone into a deep sleep where they wake up refreshed and energized! If only I was still in Scientology….

      Reply
      • Aquamarine says

        November 12, 2015 at 7:41 pm

        That’s true, OSD, but then you can’t sleep for long because you continually have to keep clapping and acknowledging and getting out of your chair for standing Os. Events are actually a unique type of torture, i.e. Can’t sleep, must sleep; can’t stay awake, must stay awake.

        Reply
  20. scn8008 says

    November 12, 2015 at 11:09 am

    “… we have some new finance lines …”

    Is this from THAT ‘Thomas Ernst’ from Europe?
    If yes, then OSA should better be doing some background-checks (no pun intended) 😉

    Reply
  21. I Yawnalot says

    November 12, 2015 at 11:07 am

    Oh, just have to comment on the last flyer, the one all about food except for this cracker of a line:

    “Get practical tools you can use to strengthen your family.”

    WOW! And of course disconnection doesn’t exist. Sign your kids up for staff or better still the SO – why not join yourself and revel in family time from a continent away for maybe if you work really hard and get a couple of breaks from another hemisphere – OH! from Target Two even! Take the OT viewpoint of the 2nd Dynamic!
    Come on down and see what a strong family really means scientology style. Free abortions, conditions apply.

    Reply
    • Old Surfer Dude says

      November 12, 2015 at 2:54 pm

      WTF are they talking about, I Yawn? “Get Practical tools you can use to strengthen your family.” Strengthen their family? Just join a gym! I’ve been lifting for decades and I feel great! If it’s not a gym they want, what the hell are they talking about them? I’m so confused…..

      Reply
      • I Yawnalot says

        November 12, 2015 at 6:50 pm

        You sound like you’re in just the right condition after a scientology event. All sizzle, no sausage and by tomorrow you haven’t a fucking clue what it was you went to.

        Reply
  22. Old Surfer Dude says

    November 12, 2015 at 11:00 am

    Actually Mike, I believe he meant to say got ton? Now, I’m not sure what the ton of stuff consists of, but, clearly it’s a ton of something. Bullshit, maybe?

    Reply
  23. george says

    November 12, 2015 at 10:06 am

    The unknown artist perrforming in Texas im Letty sure is tyller gummersal and from I hear he is ashamed of being a Scientologist but is the only way to get his career moving

    Reply
  24. I Yawnalot says

    November 12, 2015 at 9:59 am

    This line just smeared itself across my consciousness and won’t go away.

    “Right now the most expensive thing about the Bridge is not doing it.”

    I’d love to have witty remark in response to that but I’m just starring at the screen bewildered. Maybe in a couple of days when the attrition of guilt for having a life without a valid, up to date and current Cof$ status wears me down. And where I find the time to repeatedly and terminatedly suppress the urge for a sexy out-2D auditor for $2k an hr plus that 4th (and final this time, honest, they promised me) attempt to get the SRD (and Purif) out of the way once and for all. Then I’ll look at how giving over all my money and future posterity and/or joining staff where I get to coerce others to give over all their money and future posterity makes me a more able and better person.

    Oh what a fun church! And it all leads to Total Freedom… you do dig that… don’t you?

    Reply
    • amy says

      November 12, 2015 at 10:13 am

      TOTAL FREEDOM!!!!!!! Just around the corner, there….did you see it? Oh no? Well let’s try that again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again………

      Reply
      • I Yawnalot says

        November 12, 2015 at 12:43 pm

        Oh gee Amy, I did got a fleeting glimpse once.
        I know how about we just wipe the slate clean and try again. We gotta get it right one of these times surely.
        Number of times over… see there’s tech on this.

        Reply
        • amy says

          November 12, 2015 at 1:10 pm

          Ya know it’s funny….I am a utr and have a close friend who is OT8, he doesn’t know I’m “out”. Well, this guy looks like he’s just about had enough…I mean…it looks like to me if they feed him one more “rabbit hole” that doesn’t deliver I think he’s gonna do a “I’m mad as hell, and I’m not gonna take it anymore” rant.

          It’s funny in a way, but in another way very tragic of course. I could tell you stories….

          Reply
          • McCarran says

            November 12, 2015 at 1:26 pm

            Oh do tell, Amy.

            All it’s gonna take at this point is for the UTR’s to say “No Mas,” “No, I will no longer disconnect from my friends.” “No, I will not give you any more money.” “No, I will not do that course again.”

            It’s truly that close.

            Reply
            • Aquamarine says

              November 12, 2015 at 6:57 pm

              That’s what I did, McCarran. I told them, “No more IAS; no more Ideal Morgues, and, no, I’m not redoing ANY course or auditing action unless YOU pay for it, because whatever was delivered by YOU that I paid for attested to, was and is YOUR responsibility, not mine – if it was wrong, YOU pay for me to redo it, because I shall not”. I was “brave”, because I knew they had NO leverage on me (as re disconnection or financial dependence upon other Scientologists for my living.) It was easy for me to be brave. If the cult had disconnection leverage on me,or financial leverage on me, I might very well still be “in”, keeping my head down and pretending to be on board with everything. Fortunately for me they had/have no such leverage on me. I have to keep that in mind when I get angry or impatient with the “blindness” of the still ins. Maybe it isn’t all blindness, but a pretense that all is well due to fear of financial ruin or familial disconnection. Maybe there are a lot more UTRs out there than appear to be so. Maybe even the ones in the flyers, dressed up in their absurd costumes, shilling enthusiastically for the cult, are, in fact, UTR and just pretending. I would love to believe this.

              Reply
          • clearlypissedoff says

            November 12, 2015 at 1:50 pm

            Well, I think I finally hit the final E.P. of the C of S Bridge…. I think I’m declared! They don’t issue a declared list or inform the person of the declare but the fact no current cult members are talking to me anymore, and other factors indicate that I must be. Plus, I have some wonderful new wins.

            I feel so enlightened now and my business has increased 10 fold in 2 weeks. People get angry if they don’t talk to me and I can find parking spaces now. Dogs bark out of the blue in my neighborhood – they feel my presence – (especially when I’m trying to sleep). Biggest wins ever.

            Reply
            • I Yawnalot says

              November 12, 2015 at 3:00 pm

              Congrats

              Reply
            • Aquamarine says

              November 12, 2015 at 7:11 pm

              Excellent! Goldenrod or no goldenrod, people at your org not talking to you anymore, not sending you regular mail or email speaks for you being silently or whisperingly declared. That’s my status. And because I feel somewhat unacknowledged as an SP, one day I’m going to get hold of some goldenrod and draw up my OWN SP declare, with all the reasons I know of as to why and so forth, and mail copies it out to everyone I know. The original will be framed and hung in my bathroom on the wall directly across from and eye level for anyone using the toilet for his or her major elimination. Gee, I love to decorate!

              Reply
          • I Yawnalot says

            November 12, 2015 at 2:50 pm

            Yep, know a couple of 8s still in and they are as nutty as fruit cakes. Being ‘in’ is a tough gig – run for the doors I reckon. That funny/sad you mention has a way of catching up with you which is not pleasant.
            If you can, do yourself and your friend a favour – take your own advice and do it like… y’day.
            Best of luck.

            Reply
          • Aquamarine says

            November 12, 2015 at 6:34 pm

            Wow, Amy! Tell us stories, anytime you’re in the mood, you know? We’re all ears, here.

            Reply
    • Old Surfer Dude says

      November 12, 2015 at 10:51 am

      I Yawn, you gotta give ’em some credit! “Right now the most expensive thing about the Bridge is not doing it.” However, if we want this to be reality based: Right now the most expensive thing about the Bridge is, EVERYTHING. Everything is fucking expensive! But, hey, they took a shot…

      Reply
      • I Yawnalot says

        November 12, 2015 at 12:38 pm

        Oh Dude – the things you say! “Give ’em credit!”
        Sure as hell did – and look where that got me… Visa is still trying to track me down.

        Reply
        • Old Surfer Dude says

          November 12, 2015 at 3:02 pm

          You hang out at our home if you want. Wait…there’s someone at the door. “Yeah, what can I do for you? I Yawn? Never heard of him. Ok, I’m back…

          Reply
      • Good People says

        November 12, 2015 at 5:15 pm

        My initial reason for leaving the church was; the bridge was too expensive. I wonder if there joke about the bridge expense was a response to survey answers regarding the cost of the bridge. Since I’ve been out awhile and my view of Scientology has changed, I realize the bridge being way too expensive is an admission that they are not even trying to clear the planet.

        Reply
        • I Yawnalot says

          November 12, 2015 at 7:00 pm

          The horrible truth is that the church doesn’t deliver a Bridge, yet they sure as hell will sell you one. It’s a false bridge, has been for decades and is designed primarily to extract money.
          It wasn’t that it can be considered expensive, it’s along the same lines as a bank robber believes he earns his money.

          Reply
  25. Bortas says

    November 12, 2015 at 9:56 am

    The woman next the carol Kingsley loos like Michelle villeneuve AKA Michelle Sledge.

    Reply
  26. Your Name Here says

    November 12, 2015 at 9:47 am

    I wonder if Trisha Yearwood and Emmylou Harris know their photo is being used to shill for Scientology? Cuz it’s not like they are going to be at the “art” event.

    Reply
  27. Newcomer says

    November 12, 2015 at 9:43 am

    Mike,
    The gal tucked under Carol Kingsley’s boob looks like Michelle, the IAS reg at Flog. I have not been there/ seen her in over a decade but she looks familiar and has the same red hair color. Looks like maybe she has gained a few pounds too. Hard to imagine but maybe the IAS gets better food than rice and beans. Paul Miller does IAS regging and he sports a lot of extra real estate too!

    Reply
  28. Bystander says

    November 12, 2015 at 9:41 am

    In re the LA New Year extravaganza, truer words were never written….

    “Impinging”;
    1. a. To encroach on or limit something, such as a right:

    Reply
  29. Samphire says

    November 12, 2015 at 9:33 am

    We get almost as many people to our monthly village gardening club committee evening as they do at the Brave Heart event, And our population is 2,000 against Albuquerque’s 550,000. It looks like our gardening religion is 275 times more successful than Scientology.

    Reply
    • I Yawnalot says

      November 12, 2015 at 10:46 am

      Nothing like a good fertilizing to set the mood.

      Nice post, plant power surpasses scientology… now there’s incentive for growth!

      LRH did have success with tomatoes though – just another lost tech!

      Reply
  30. Lori S says

    November 12, 2015 at 9:21 am

    If anyone is attending the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, please take a few pics of the garbage cans. My bet is they will be filled with “The Road to Happiness.”

    Reply
    • Old Surfer Dude says

      November 12, 2015 at 10:53 am

      Really? So, that’s how they hand them out now? They put them in garbage cans and hope the dopes with reach in and take one? Hmmm….interesting concept…

      Reply
      • I Yawnalot says

        November 12, 2015 at 2:54 pm

        Is that what they mean by “getting your hands dirty?”

        Reply
  31. McCarran says

    November 12, 2015 at 9:21 am

    “…a person with enough guts to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. ….” One person immediately comes to my mind. 😉

    “The Graduation of all time!!!” “… witness a watershed moment in scientology history.” Those bubble dwellers still on or through OT VII must get an inexplicable “grief charge” when they read this. …again. I’m sure their next sec check will weed out why.

    Why all the F ing secrecy about the NN opening? Afraid Anonymous will not come in their khaki Guy Fawkes masks?

    Nothing sexy about Sydney Schneider. Her eyes exude misery.

    The chick growing out of Carol Kingsley boob is a soulless IAS reg named Michele. I was the recipient of a traditional ruse of having to go into to see my MAA because of a KR (written by Michele) because I refused to go in for yet another IAS “briefing.” (Once in, of course, the MAA dismissed it but I was then body routed to the IAS office and pummeled for the next 3 hours to give mucho dinero.)

    Every time I see Freewinds promo with Sharon Webber, I am convinced I have PTSD from my lovely stay of torment and torture on that ship.

    I cannot believe Albuquerque put out that promo piece; the few people sitting there look miserable.

    Lastly, I AM SOOOOOO GLAD I AM OUT!!!!!!!!!

    Reply
    • Sheldon Goldberg says

      November 12, 2015 at 10:50 am

      Great comment. Laughed out loud recalling being pummeled at IAS office 🙂
      Also – I’m guessing the Tampa finance thing is credit card limit raises. AWESOME

      Reply
    • Old Surfer Dude says

      November 12, 2015 at 10:55 am

      I know, huh? Every time I read their promo I say to myself, I AM SOOOOOOOO GLAD I AM OUT!!!!!!!!!!!

      Reply
      • I Yawnalot says

        November 12, 2015 at 7:02 pm

        UP UP and AWAY!!!!!

        Reply
  32. Jose Chung says

    November 12, 2015 at 9:15 am

    I really am building a Time Machine to take all of the above Scientology Promo back to
    1960 for Ron to look over.. Move up in Status ? Where did that come from ?
    Are these people Mad ?

    Reply
    • Old Surfer Dude says

      November 12, 2015 at 10:56 am

      I think they’re sad….

      Reply
  33. Eileen says

    November 12, 2015 at 9:12 am

    Bunch of numbskulls. The image from the “Minions” movie. They do know the meaning of the word minions, right? And that the movie was about the minions search for the most evil overlord on earth?

    Reply
    • RMycroft says

      November 12, 2015 at 10:34 am

      You just can’t parody that stuff!

      Reply
  34. Regraded Being says

    November 12, 2015 at 9:11 am

    This just ain’t right!!!!! I cleaned out my kids college fund and double mortgaged my house and had the Sea Org financial experts creak my credit so I could borrow further against my credit cards in order to move up in status with both my Ideal Org and the IAS. In exchange for all of this my 2D and I were given these fabulously ultra cool brilliantly white faux pleather jackets.
    Now Akiko is telling me that we can’t wear them to Saturday’s (“mystery”) event. I’ve had it!!!!!

    Reply
    • Just me says

      November 12, 2015 at 11:15 am

      Just spewed my coffee RB!

      Reply
    • Aquamarine says

      November 12, 2015 at 7:16 pm

      “Faux pleather” 🙂

      Reply
      • RMycroft says

        November 12, 2015 at 8:55 pm

        You wouldn’t want them to kill real naugas, would you?

        Whatever happened to those Infinity Club jackets? All they ever showed were people’s heads and the logos shooped onto stock jacket model photos. Were there ever any real ones?

        Reply
  35. Steve Friedl says

    November 12, 2015 at 8:56 am

    What might these “new finance lines” be? An odd relationship with a local payday lender? A Scientology shylock?

    Reply
    • Cre8tivewmn says

      November 12, 2015 at 11:39 am

      I’m thinking it’s a mortgage refinance scam.

      Reply
    • Aquamarine says

      November 12, 2015 at 7:18 pm

      “A Scientology shylock?”

      One thing’s for sure; the cult will get their pound of flesh.

      Reply
  36. Dawn says

    November 12, 2015 at 8:52 am

    If I was looking for a religion, these ads would put me off. Oh, but of course, the ads cater to a bubble of believers who long ago gave up their powers to think or see or look. It’s so sad.

    There are too many smiling faces, apart from the lunacy of the actual ads. Who smiles that much anyway unless trying to convince someone of how good it all is including oneself?

    Reply
    • Just me says

      November 12, 2015 at 9:48 am

      The second photo on the “Braveheart” is a truer capture…so zombie like.

      Reply
  37. RMycroft says

    November 12, 2015 at 8:45 am

    Everyone knows that New Mexico is famous for its legendary pirates.

    Reply
    • Old Surfer Dude says

      November 12, 2015 at 10:57 am

      What…you’ve never heard of Desert Pirates?

      Reply
  38. Chee Chalker says

    November 12, 2015 at 8:45 am

    Was the ‘mystery event’ a ‘Dress like a JC Penney Catalogue Model’ Night?
    Snazzy…where do I sign up?

    Reply
    • Ann B Watson says

      November 12, 2015 at 9:54 am

      Hi Chee Chalker,Me too! Those sexy auditors c/s bunnies for cos their outfits are so tacky.Too big and off putting and the cuff links are enough to poke someone’s eye out and make me lose my coffee.No matter how attractive, once one is on staff and in the bubble,things will get ugly very fast with David Miscavige prowling in a rage!Love you Leah! Love always,Ann.

      Reply
  39. dyir says

    November 12, 2015 at 8:44 am

    Quick point. Minimum wage in the UK is £6.70, so a shift should pay £53! Unless they are not paying your breaks. Plus i bet its cash in hand, someone needs to drop a message to the DWP!

    Reply
  40. Gimpy says

    November 12, 2015 at 8:42 am

    In the New Year’s Announcement they say in capital letters “we’re only just getting STARTED”, surely this begs the question: what have they been doing for the last 31 years if they are only now just getting started?

    Pirates – a very appropriate theme for scn – perhaps they could adopt the skull and crossbones as the flag for the Moneywinds.

    Reply
    • Aquamarine says

      November 12, 2015 at 7:23 pm

      Well, they’ve already got the skull their on the flyers. Isn’t that what all religions put on their promotional material? So very ecclesiastical!

      Reply
  41. L Mao says

    November 12, 2015 at 8:25 am

    Giggle snort. I really enjoyed the image in the Moneywinds section where Sharron Weber is standing in front of a podium that was obviously left over from one of DM’s events. The podium is so low that she can barely reach it with her hands. It comes up to her thigh and she is a not a particularly tall woman. That podium must be barely over 2 feet high. Knowing that the Chairman of the Pompadour is so sensitive and so vain and seeing the image over her bending over to reach her notes was halarious.

    Reply
    • MostEthicalPimp says

      November 12, 2015 at 9:33 am

      My favorite part of the DM’s podiums is he has them made too small for him in-order to try to make him look big by standing over them. Anyone even approaching normal height looks like a giant.

      Reply
      • The Oracle says

        November 12, 2015 at 11:25 am

        Laughter!

        Reply
        • Aquamarine says

          November 12, 2015 at 7:26 pm

          Which is why Regraded’s picture of the Dwarf’s pompadour peeking over that podium never fails to crack me up!

          Reply

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