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Thursday Funnies

December 10, 2015 By Mike Rinder 114 Comments

Hilarious video with Billy Eichner and Rachel Dratch http://flavorwire.com/550559/watch-rachel-dratch-escape-from-scientology-on-billy-on-the-street

Hilarious video with Billy Eichner and Rachel Dratch that sets the tone for this week’s funnies. Watch it here

It’s the Season of Giving — to us.

Hey, I thought it was scientology that was supposed to be changing communities?

Screenshot (662)

 

 

Dallas?

Promoting an OT 1 success story? I guess they don’t have any completions on the services they deliver at their “ideal” org?

Screenshot (659)

 

 

The role of planet earth and why we are here…

Nothing like a promise you can’t deliver. Wonder what an “Ideal Org” event is? They have been “ideal” since 2003.

Screenshot (663)

 

New status

Nothing gets scientologists more excited than a new status. Damn the volunteer work and who might be benefited. It’s the PR value that matters.
And they are already counting hours “assisting the OTC” for the President’s Volunteer Service Award… Gag.

Screenshot (665)

 

 

Freedom Fighters…

What a sad joke. I am sure MLK or Gandhi would be proud of their efforts. Singing “carols” to themselves.

Screenshot (661)

 

 

Life changing

I guess going bankrupt is a life-changing experience…

Screenshot (656)

 

 

Bet this rocked out

Wonder if they are planning a Ramadan party too?

HANNUK

 

 

What does it take?

A large helping of crazy goes a long way…

ALBQ

 

 

Madly Miami

Wonder what happened to them as they are clearly NOT a strong org?

MM

 

 

EUS is on a roll

Well, for them this counts as a “roll.” 4 pages of nothing but fun….

EUS

 

The ONLY thing missing for a Cleared Planet is the rest of the EUS ideal orgs. Then they will make 10,000 Clears a year. I guess they don’t realize that at 10,000 a year it would take them 20 THOUSAND YEARS to clear EUS…

Miami completed their “Construction Estimate”

A gem from a list of inane statements…

EUS2

Very Special

Epic and monumental, watershed and straight up and vertical.

EUS3

 

Harlem

STILL not done…

Nor Atlanta. But that is the best they have to show.

EUS4

 

Meaningless drivel

This quote means absolutely nothing – it was written in 1978 or something… It has NO relevance to today.

NONAME

 

 

WUS shows em how it’s done

Just throw some lines on the page without numbers, toss in some “8X” and “3X”.  And by doing so demonstrate to everyone how an “ideal org” means NOTHING. Because this org has been “ideal” for years. They are NOT even SH Size. So, if they “8Xed” their VSD they must have been virtually 0. Because 800% expansion doesn’t get them to the “make-break” point.

PASA

 

 

Uncle Sam is going to pay for your bridge

Riiiiight… Liars gonna lie.

SAM

 

 

More from Tampa Match.com
TPA

 

 

TPA2

 

 

What’s wrong with this picture?

7 of the 8 orgs made less than $1000 towards their “ideal org” status… And this is good news?

WKLY

 

 

Potluckin’ It

It’s just sort of sad.XMAS

 

 

 

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Filed Under: Funnies Tagged With: fundraising, funnies, Ideal Orgs, Scientology

Comments

  1. mark marco says

    December 11, 2015 at 1:49 pm

    “We all have an enormous responsibility to bring to the attention of others information they do not have, which has the potential of causing them to rethink long-held ideas.”

    -Howard Zinn, American historian, author, and activist
    “Changing Minds, One at a Time,” Mar. 2005 (1922-2010)

    To Leah Remini,
    Thanks for the book.
    Reading it is like hearing the echo, truth within myself, feeling courage and finding the hero that was always there, waiting inside. It is liberating, as if an old muzzle and iron mask were at once removed.
    My dream today is to have the true nature of the cult revealed to all those inside still imprisoned by the system of mind-manipulation known as The Church of Scientology. Let’s hope to free them all within our lifetime, by granting them free access to information.

    How long will the leader be able to mute the voices of rational critical thinkers?
    We already know that he, himself is willing to be mute for the duration.
    [quote provided by Chris Shelton’s blog]

    Reply
  2. Espiando says

    December 10, 2015 at 9:17 pm

    Is it my imagination (or the psych drugs), or is the Eskimo slowly morphing into Tony Blair? You need to stop now, Quinn. You’ve chosen one of the few people on Earth with less credibility than a Scilon reg.

    Points, miles, dollars…make up your mind, EUS, and stick with one euphemism. We all know what you mean anyway.

    “Chicago completes the funding for the first phase of their construction”…you’ve let the building rot for eight years now, Chicago Org. You’re going to blow all of that money on the massive fumigation you’re going to need to get rid of the rats and roaches who’ve established quite a community there on South Clark.

    So, who gets to be the person who tells Mighty My Mammy that Ron never read their promise to him, and that everything they heard from him through the SO #1 Line was done by some put-upon secretary who had to go through their drivel and come up with something plausible as a response? We could raffle the honor off and get enough money to buy enough copies of Ron Senior’s upcoming tome to push it to #1 on the NYT. Hey, it’s in-tech, and Books Make Booms!

    Reply
    • Aquamarine says

      December 10, 2015 at 10:18 pm

      Agree or disagree with you as the case may be, when it comes to rolling out the one-liners, no one tops you, Espi 🙂

      Reply
      • Espiando says

        December 11, 2015 at 12:16 am

        I’m only as good as the material I have to work with. And the Scilons keep giving me really good material.

        Reply
        • Old Surfer Dude says

          December 11, 2015 at 10:56 am

          Roses are red, violets are blue, Espi, you’re great and Aqua you are too…

          Reply
          • Ann B Watson says

            December 11, 2015 at 7:16 pm

            Hi Espiando, You are right about the SO#1 line. However it did take me years to realize that. Whoever wrote me was not some secretary and I can assure you I try very hard not to write drivel. Always, Ann.

            Reply
    • RMycroft says

      December 11, 2015 at 1:11 am

      They might have a few squatters too. Street people aren’t stupid, and a building that’s been vacant for eight years is fair game as a refuge from the weather.

      Reply
  3. indie8million says

    December 10, 2015 at 9:15 pm

    “Bet this rocked out

    Wonder if they are planning a Ramadan party too?”

    Gotta say, to be fair, the Hanukkah party is probably one of the most fun of the year. They don’t care who’s watching, who says it’s too loud and they do their event and get to dancing – til midnight when they get thrown out.

    Every other event I’ve been to is just a bunch of stick up their you-know-whats, politely clapping, chatting while eating, going home early, middle class Kool Aid drinkers.

    “I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints – the sinners are much more fun.”

    Reply
    • Ann B Watson says

      December 11, 2015 at 7:17 pm

      Hi Indie8million, Love U, Ann.

      Reply
  4. Todd Cray says

    December 10, 2015 at 8:05 pm

    I loved the Eastern US pitch. My favorite statement was saved for the end of the piece–the dramatic climax:

    “Long Island has a building they are working on which once approved and purchased will be very easily [sic] to walk right into.”

    Behold the masterful turn of phrase by the purveyors of the only workable communications “tech.” This is truly an enlightened organization whose respect for formal education is second only to the Taliban’s.

    Even more impressive is their sweeping vision: If you buy a building, it’s “very easily [sic] to walk right into.” As usual, they are on to something, as walking into someone else’s building requires a crowbar and entail the very real possibility of “very easily” being walked into a jail cell! So if your grand goal is to walk into a building, this is definitely the way to go, Sherlocks. Just make sure that in the process of fundraising you don’t allow yourself to get to the point where you won’t be allowed to easily walk into your own foreclosed home!

    Reply
    • Aquamarine says

      December 10, 2015 at 8:52 pm

      Confucius Say:

      “Enter Long Island Org with money; exit with less”.

      Earth to Cult: The way to make any Scn org easy to walk into is to restrain yourselves from squeezing every last dime of people.

      Reply
    • Espiando says

      December 10, 2015 at 9:20 pm

      I read it a slightly different way, Todd. To me, “very easily to walk right into” means that it has a doorway. This might just be the only part of the Idle Morgue that will not require a renovation, and thus more money fleeced from the LI public (whomever they may be).

      Reply
      • Ron Do little says

        December 13, 2015 at 9:28 pm

        I find it realy easy to walk into doors,I just get ten feet ahead of my body and don’t look back, whoa dude present time.

        Reply
  5. Todd Cray says

    December 10, 2015 at 7:45 pm

    Christmas Potluck: Bring your check book, credit cards, deeds to valuables and 401(k)!

    Reply
  6. sashiebgood says

    December 10, 2015 at 6:42 pm

    I bet that chick from the “it’s my career” poster is going to be forced to sell that diamond ring to buy food, if the IAS reg hasn’t already pried it off her finger.

    Reply
    • indie8million says

      December 10, 2015 at 9:16 pm

      +1 Sashie.

      Reply
    • Todd Cray says

      December 10, 2015 at 9:26 pm

      I was wondering about the same. Maybe it’s a prop from the epic new studios. They also photoshop them to make them look as if they are getting enough to eat.

      Reply
    • Aquamarine says

      December 10, 2015 at 10:22 pm

      Probably paste.

      Reply
  7. justmeteehee says

    December 10, 2015 at 6:42 pm

    You’re being rough folks! Look, they are now giving food baskets to the Meritous Donors, they may even give that feller a tent after they make him default on his mortgage. At least winter is warm in Albuquerque!

    Reply
  8. freebeeing says

    December 10, 2015 at 5:30 pm

    Mike, it’s not 10,000 clears. It’s like 100,000 clears man! Come on, stay on top of it. Prior to GAG II walking into an org and going clear in a matter of months was quite unreal… Wow, what a freakin’ degrade. Let’s see I walked in and went clear back in the 80’s in 2 months. I’m pretty sure it is more unreal today than it was pre-GAG. You just had to pay for auditing, now you’ve got to run the IAS/Ideal Status marathon. Good luck buying any auditing. When I left the field was so drained dry there was barely anyone that had adime to pay for services. That was 8 years ago. I can’t imagine how broke they are now!

    3X and 8X — of course! 1 comp x 3 makes 3 comps and 1K VSD x 8 makes 8K VSD, Hoo boy – stellar stats coming from these I-Deal places. With a little luck they’ll make 1 clear in a year. Impressive.

    I think Leah’s exposure has really put a cherry on the demise sundae that is Scn today. I look forward to getting my son back one of these days. It won’t be long at the massive rate of fail (I mean expansion) that they are making.

    Reply
  9. zemooo says

    December 10, 2015 at 5:16 pm

    All those ‘invites’ and most of them using the same exact Lron quote. Perhaps ‘guidance’ from above? $cieno land is looking more like a Monty Python religion sketch every day. I can play ‘spot the loony’ on every clam invite.

    ‘Bishop Franklin Harris is the boss of the Laurel Street Baptist Church, Inc, Los Angeles Cali. I wonder if the rest of his flock know about his $cieno high-jinks?

    He has his own personal hagiography at:

    http://www.drwilliamharris.com/index.php?p=1_2_About

    Reply
  10. freebeeing says

    December 10, 2015 at 5:15 pm

    Lame lyrics. “Please have snow and mistletoe”… shouldn’t that be Please have cash and credit cards.?

    No mom I won’t be home for xmas, I’ve got to get my stats up, it’s a total hill 10 and all staff are doing all-hands all day on the 25th.

    Reply
    • Aquamarine says

      December 11, 2015 at 1:49 am

      “…We’ll serve hash, and you’ll bring cash…”

      The Ideal Holiday Song.

      Reply
      • Aquamarine says

        December 11, 2015 at 2:37 am

        I think I’ve got it.

        THE IDEAL HOLIDAY SONG
        Sung to the tune of
        “I’ll Be Home For Christmas” (sorry, Bing)
        _______________________________________________________

        I’ll donate for Christmas
        You can count on me.
        Corned beef hash, and all my cash,
        I’m bringing just for thee.

        Ideal Orgs must happen
        Going broke’s no dream
        I’ll donate for Christmas
        And once more I’ll get creamed.

        Reply
        • Aquamarine says

          December 11, 2015 at 2:39 am

          See, this is what happens when I’m up with insomnia after getting caf when I ordered decaf.

          Reply
          • Old Surfer Dude says

            December 11, 2015 at 10:54 am

            You lyrics are fantastic, Aqua! Maybe I should add music to it. I especially liked the, “And once more I’ll get creamed.” Nice!

            Reply
            • Aquamarine says

              December 11, 2015 at 3:53 pm

              Thanks, OSD. Here’s some more. This is what caffeine-induced insomnia does to me.

              This is for HIM to sing to his Sheeple:

              You’ll Donate for Christmas
              Cuz you think it Helps.
              You Retards will Max your Cards
              With Laughs and Shouts and Yelps.

              New Year’s Eve will find You
              Pledging Happily
              I grant Worthless Status
              When Millions come to Me.

              Reply
  11. Kronomex says

    December 10, 2015 at 4:52 pm

    President’s Volunteer Service Award – packages purchased for $X (couldn’t be bothered trying to work it out) and you can BET they used a fake name or organisation to get them. Will they give them away free to the robots? Somehow I don’t think so.

    Reply
  12. Bystander says

    December 10, 2015 at 4:36 pm

    Is wrapping yourself up in toilet paper supposed to mean something or is it just a way to hoard some for later?

    Even the die-hards must be getting numb to this bullshit.

    Reply
  13. MostEthicalPimp says

    December 10, 2015 at 3:38 pm

    Wait isn’t Scientology supposed to have 10 million plus members yet less then a 100,000 clears have been made? Hmm, something doesn’t add up.

    Reply
  14. Leslie Bates says

    December 10, 2015 at 3:27 pm

    You know…I’ll let the cartoon speak for me today.

    http://www.gocomics.com/nonsequitur/2015/12/10

    Reply
  15. FG says

    December 10, 2015 at 2:12 pm

    I have read this guy has done original OT1, in the church. This level in the 1980 intirely dissapeared, replaced by new OT1. The original OT1 was a set of solo objectives processes used to orient a clear on his environnement. I did it in the early 1980. I really felt Buddha like . And from his success story this guy has the same kind of win. And he thanks for it COB, RTC, and GAT2! God, they certainly have nothing to do with those wins. Actually they supressed and put unworkable arbitraries on tech for 30 years. And the full irony of that is that this little reincarnation of Dr Goebbels in order to do GAT2, simply cancel all arbitraries he has himself created!
    They actually deliver the same bridge that is grossly given in the indendant field. Including original OT4, 5, 6 and 7 which were digged out. It’s not a matter if scientology actually works or not, that’s another matter.
    But they seem to have reverted to total simplicity and done the bridge as prior to the GAT1 shit.
    The COB will comme up one day cancelling eligibilties as long as money is coming in, after all, even if he has to give few win to people, he can tolerate him.
    Give the strange feeling that he is finally doing the cramming as it was said by people who left or were booted off scientology. I saw that actually more than once when flag started to check onto sevice fac of people, saying that grade 4 was unflat. they actually did that not long after marty Rathbun expressed this idea on his blog and audit few people on it (maybe in 2011).
    For the church the best would be to throw Miscavige through the window but who is going to do it?

    Reply
  16. TruthTeller says

    December 10, 2015 at 1:22 pm

    “I guess going bankrupt is a life-changing experience…”

    Fucking hilarious!

    Reply
  17. Bruce ( the "Never-In" ) says

    December 10, 2015 at 1:16 pm

    The “Whats Wrong with this Picture?” Entry for Alberquerqie — uh, well, for starters, its Christmastime and many of the celebrating folks in the photo are dressed up as Pirates, and second, if you’re asking for money, using Pirates (who of course, steal from others and hoard their ill-gotten treasures) is not the best image you want to have to persuade or entice people to donate to you…just sayin’….

    Reply
    • Aquamarine says

      December 10, 2015 at 9:02 pm

      Bruce, I’ve been saying this for years. The cult is obsessed with the pirate theme. I’ve never understood why they would want to be positioned with murdering thieves and cutthroats. I was in for 25 years and attended a number of pirate-themed events. There has to be something the cult believes to be admirable about pirates because it is their go-to theme for fundraising, but I’m damned if I can figure out what it is.

      Reply
      • Foolproof says

        December 10, 2015 at 10:39 pm

        Aqua – it will probably be based on survey tech of some sort. Pirates of the Caribbean i.e. Hollywood, has probably raised the PR of pirates to the general public. But when one thinks of Somalian pirates the flavor somewhat changes.

        Reply
        • Aquamarine says

          December 11, 2015 at 2:49 am

          “Pirates of the Carribean”…yes, I can think with that, Foolproof. Johnny Depp had a definite appeal. Maybe he erased decades of Captain Hook’s evil image from peoples minds. Got it on the Somalians, though. Someone’s gonna have to come up with an Oscar winner to make them attractive.

          Reply
      • Bruce ( The "Never-In ) says

        December 12, 2015 at 9:16 pm

        I suppose its that charming penchant that Pirates have for slitting throats and looting pockets that is soooo “At Cause” —- a natural fit for the CO$ Regges …(smile)

        Reply
    • Dawn says

      December 11, 2015 at 10:25 am

      “…using Pirates is not the best image you want to have to persuade…” Lol!

      Problem is that the koolaiders are so drunk on koolaid, they don’t even notice this.

      Reply
  18. Mreppen says

    December 10, 2015 at 1:14 pm

    The Pasadena poster with their padded stats is pure rubbish.

    Reply
    • Old Surfer Dude says

      December 10, 2015 at 5:31 pm

      Michael, it’s not even close to reality. Maybe you and I need to meet up in Pasadena sometime to go over to the Pasadena Idle Morgue and see what’s up.

      Reply
  19. Potpie says

    December 10, 2015 at 1:13 pm

    I wonder how many NOI “Scientologists” attended the Hanukkah party?

    Reply
    • Old Surfer Dude says

      December 10, 2015 at 5:32 pm

      Not sure they would want to attend a party of a religion they regard as a “Gutter Religion.” But, if they all got drunk enough, it just might work out.

      Reply
      • Aquamarine says

        December 11, 2015 at 2:56 am

        A “Gutter Religion”? Farakkhan really said that about Judaism? Wow. How very ecclesiastical. No surprise he’s bonded so well with LMD.

        Reply
        • Old Surfer Dude says

          December 11, 2015 at 10:52 am

          Yep! Farrakhan said Judaism was a “Gutter Religion.” Seriously, both of these cults are made for each other.

          Reply
  20. Bruce ( the "Never In" ) says

    December 10, 2015 at 1:06 pm

    The LRH quote about Scientologists keeping the real meaning of Christmas — and not mentioning at all that it’s supposed to be commemorating Jesus Christ’s birth — how typically arrogant of him….he says Scientologists are the only hope for Salvation in the World…I think Jesus would have something to say about all of that…

    Reply
    • Gimpy says

      December 10, 2015 at 4:19 pm

      I hadn’t looked at it this way but you are right this is disgracefully arrogant. There are people who do far more good than scn has ever done for anyone so l ron can go and jump in a cold muddy lake and take his band of loonies with him.

      Reply
    • Old Surfer Dude says

      December 10, 2015 at 5:36 pm

      Hubbard said, Christ was an implant out of one side of his mouth, while saying, Jesus died because of his own sins. And out of the third side of his mouth he said, “The man on the cross, there was no man on the cross.” And if you count the Lucifer edition, he says Jesus was a lover of young men and boys.

      Boy, that Hubbard is something, right?

      Reply
      • Good People says

        December 10, 2015 at 8:58 pm

        Thank you for bringing this up. It doesn’t get mentioned much. Forgetting for a moment the major amount of contradictions in Scientology. The OT3 Jesus data versus the OT8 Jesus data, how do OT’s reconcile this flagrant contradiction? HOW CAN A MAN WHO NEVER EXISTED, BE A LOVER OF YOUNG BOYS?

        Reply
        • Foolproof says

          December 10, 2015 at 10:43 pm

          Actually because the OT8 thing was a complete malicious invention.

          Reply
          • Espiando says

            December 11, 2015 at 12:13 am

            And you keep telling yourself that, no matter how much actual proof there is that you’re wrong. But, hey, L. Fraud said that what’s true for you is true, right?

            Reply
  21. Old Surfer Dude says

    December 10, 2015 at 12:45 pm

    Hello! I’m Old Surfer Dude!

    Naturally, I surf, play in a rock band, own a home at the beach, go on vacations to Hawai’i and the Caribbean. Go to movies and hang out with our friends. I don’t have to work 14 hour days. In fact, I only work when I want to.

    It’s my career. Make it yours. Leave staff now….

    Reply
    • James Morris says

      December 10, 2015 at 1:17 pm

      Okay, OSD,
      Stand up straight!
      Pat down your hair!
      Cross your arms…
      And smile!
      (*shutter snap!*)

      Reply
      • Old Surfer Dude says

        December 10, 2015 at 2:56 pm

        Gosh, I sure hope you got my good side! Is the picture going to be in Advance! magazine? Cuz that would be swell! Maybe people will read my story and make my career their career. Wow!

        Reply
    • Doug Sprinkle says

      December 10, 2015 at 2:11 pm

      I hate to tell you OSD, but you are totally out-ethics. You should sell the beach house, the guitar and the surfboard and give all proceeds to the IAS. Remember, the greatest good for the greatest number of dynamics.

      Reply
      • Old Surfer Dude says

        December 11, 2015 at 10:47 am

        And, you know, Doug, I actually thought of doing that. However, one of my best friends slapped me so hard, I immediately came to my senses and went surfing….

        Reply
    • mark marco says

      December 10, 2015 at 2:24 pm

      Now that is the lifestyle of a truly advanced being.
      There’s just no comparison.
      Sad and anxious, overworked and (here’s the kicker…) ENDLESS daily battles,
      that is the lifestyle of the dedicated scn-gist.
      You are being told it is you against the world. What makes that true?
      Who makes that true? Who decided that?

      Set yourself free. Claim your Identity, and in the very moment
      YOU become bigger, more important and most of all more RELEVANT
      than this self-ordained, self-aggrandizing organization posing as a church.
      Do you really think they care about you, the individual person?
      They care about your money, yes.
      They care about how much work they can get out you, very much so.
      They don’t care whether or not your family stays in the picture, BECAUSE it means COMPROMISING the potential time and money they are getting from you. When was the last time they asked you what you want out of life?
      Never. At least not since they got you to sign the dotted line.

      Do you still really think you want to wind up like L. Ron Hubbard? Have you investigated that story? (Your sacred church is not going to give you that information. In fact, you have to break the church’s law to even look outside the church to find out ANYTHING, including what “science” really is)
      Do you really want to live life by his rules… until you die?

      Hope to meet you on the beach someday, with a suntan and maybe a girl who thinks the best thing in life is seeing you happy. Thanks Old Surfer Dude, for showing us one real way to get the job done…-mm

      Reply
    • Aquamarine says

      December 10, 2015 at 6:19 pm

      Yes, OSD. Give’ em that dedicated glare with folded arms and big California beach boy grin. We want a recruitment shot of you in T shirt, swim trunks, flip flops, sunglasses on top of your head, surfboard on your left, band instrument to your right, sixpack of beer tattoo on your shoulder.

      Reply
      • mark marco says

        December 10, 2015 at 11:28 pm

        i luv u aqua always have

        Reply
        • Aquamarine says

          December 11, 2015 at 2:58 am

          🙂 Marco.

          Reply
  22. David J Mudkips says

    December 10, 2015 at 12:41 pm

    >Letter from the President

    As in, Barack Obama?

    Somebody better tell the Secret Service the Prez’ name is being forged

    Reply
  23. Lori S says

    December 10, 2015 at 12:38 pm

    Scientology touting itself as the Christmas miracle: there are no words.

    Reply
    • Old Surfer Dude says

      December 10, 2015 at 5:40 pm

      I have a few words, though. Scientology should be touting itself as the Christmas Nightmare. Now that would be truth in advertising! Or maybe the miracle of the RPF!

      Reply
  24. hgc10 says

    December 10, 2015 at 12:27 pm

    I like how the “Santa Barbara Wave Riders” has a 0 score. What, no waves to ride? Must be a calm day and the ocean is as smooth as icing on a cake or a serene translucent lake. Either that or it means the org is a moldering corpse.

    Reply
    • Gimpy says

      December 10, 2015 at 4:22 pm

      Perhaps their public have finally said F**k you when presented with constant demands for donations, good on them if they have.

      Reply
    • zemooo says

      December 10, 2015 at 5:04 pm

      The wave riders are having too much fun to come and do simple mest work like giving money and their time. The waves are calling………

      Reply
    • Old Surfer Dude says

      December 10, 2015 at 5:42 pm

      I doubt there’s anyone in that org who surfs! Give me a fuckin’ break! Number one, they don’t have the time. And number two, I’ve never, ever met a surfer who was in the cult, besides me.

      Reply
      • mark marco says

        December 11, 2015 at 8:47 am

        did you see the waves today? (Friday) omg, we had 60-foot breakers at sunset, up here N of San Francisco anyway…Transformational,
        It was like watching worlds collide, standing on the edge of Earth. I was hungry, been running out there all day, and still i couldn’t walk away…

        Reply
        • mark marco says

          December 11, 2015 at 8:52 am

          (i meant Thurs., yesterday- now im awake in the dark at 5:00am, weird old guy, me)

          Reply
  25. Out for Good says

    December 10, 2015 at 11:59 am

    Quinn Taufer is getting a hardened look to him. His smile looks like a sneer. Apparently that’s what happens when you become a traveling swindler for a living.

    Reply
    • Old Surfer Dude says

      December 10, 2015 at 12:46 pm

      Wait…what? He actually HAS a smile? No way!

      Reply
  26. No One says

    December 10, 2015 at 11:52 am

    I though it was Festival of LightS, not Light. How about a Festivus for the Restofus? 😀

    Reply
    • Old Surfer Dude says

      December 10, 2015 at 12:48 pm

      No, it’s true! The Festival has one light and one light only. And you thought snagging toilet paper was tough! Try putting on a Festival of light with one tiny light…..

      Reply
      • threefeetback says

        December 11, 2015 at 2:50 am

        Be sure to include the dim bulb at the top of the heap.

        Reply
        • Old Surfer Dude says

          December 11, 2015 at 10:43 am

          Oh, yes! There’s a special place for that dim bulb…..

          Reply
  27. Michael Winters says

    December 10, 2015 at 11:29 am

    Gotta say I laughed pretty good seeing that Silver Flatulus award with Quinn Taufer standing there, holding a basket of crackers, chips and nuts for that poor sucker. Here’s some nuts for hundred$ of thousands of dollars. =/

    Reply
    • Gus Cox says

      December 10, 2015 at 9:33 pm

      Yeah, that poor sucker is Jim Olson. And he’s getting way up there in years – hell, he was old 15 years ago when last I saw him.

      Not that there’s anything wrong with being old, it happens to everybody. But Silver Humanitarian is what, $250K? Jim’s no rich guy, not by a long damn shot. The only way he could find that kind of money would be to sell his house, if he even had one. Or hand over some kind of inheritance he may have received or something.

      If he begged, borrowed, or stole that kind of money, the last thing he should be doing is flushing it down the shitter that is the Albuquerque org. He needs to be thinking about supporting himself and his wife in some kind of comfort, not ending up homeless and destitute because he pissed away everything he had (or borrowed) to that fucking cult.

      I can’t imagine what the fucking reg said to squeeze that kind of dough out of the guy. That’s really fucked up, and Jim and Tina’s situation is just not going to be good.

      Reply
  28. hgc10 says

    December 10, 2015 at 11:20 am

    Scientology is a Christmas miracle! I am gobsmacked. That is the funnest bit yet. And FNs by the tree! That’s another way of saying that somewhere under the giant pile of horseshit that is Scientology is 3 swings of the needle on a galvanometer. Sweet baby Jesus! Talk about the booby prize!

    Reply
    • Old Surfer Dude says

      December 10, 2015 at 12:53 pm

      Once again, hgc, must I remind you that LRH invented Christmas? Yep! Just like he invented music 30 trillion years ago. So, yes, Scientology IS a Christmas miracle! I believe they’ll have a little manger scene with a slight tubby little baby Ronald in it. Imagine the look on the little kids faces as they gaze upon baby Hubbard. All I can think of is, awwwwwwwwwwww……

      Reply
  29. newwave says

    December 10, 2015 at 11:10 am

    I have to say, I really didn’t like that video. It highlights perhaps the saddest element of Scientology – that a lot of people get involved, tragically, because of the cultural wasteland that 21st century America has become and Scientology becomes the stupid choice for a more “authentic” life, that video brilliantly showing how stupid and crass our culture is.

    Scientology – because of the fact that is causes VERY real pain and trauma, its origins are “historical” (postwar deconstruction, monetizing social substance), and its First Amendment questionable status – for all those reasons and more, I think it deserves more “respect” when it is critiqued. This isn’t to say I don’t like when it is made fun of, of course I do, but over the top stuff like this actually takes away from the critical process, it de-sensitizes the viewer to horrible things Scientology actually does: disconnection, abortion, financial abuse, etc.

    Sorry to be a wet blanket Mike – but sometimes certain pop culture Scientology critiques are so absurd.

    Reply
    • Mike Rinder says

      December 10, 2015 at 11:58 am

      Well, that’s one way of looking at it. On the other hand, a whole new audience of people are exposed to information that probably makes them curious to do a Google search. That video throws out a LOT of references to things. It is not educational, it’s like a film trailer. It hopefully makes you interested enough to find out what the whole thing is about.

      Reply
      • mark marco says

        December 10, 2015 at 2:53 pm

        The whole idea of Scientology is a fraud, selling you on salvation while delivering the holy opposite, servitude.
        And they are so ruthless. And remorseless. It actually fits into the definition of psychotic.
        They came up with the term “fair game”, am I right?
        Well, that gives us, the rest of the world, a certain license to paint a representation of Scientology however we see fit without sacrificing anything in terms of integrity or validity. Anything that exposes the fakery and deceit, the fraud and the trauma, the greed and the secrecy… is justifiable in my book.
        GET OUT THE TRUTH, however it pleases you, and you are doing the right thing.

        Reply
  30. Linda Richards says

    December 10, 2015 at 10:50 am

    Where to begin…”stand aside of the fray…”
    Reading the copy for the posters is painful as hell.

    Reply
    • Old Surfer Dude says

      December 10, 2015 at 12:56 pm

      I had a pet fray once, Linda. And I did, in fact, stand aside of it. But, my little fray ran away…….

      Reply
      • James Morris says

        December 10, 2015 at 1:24 pm

        I saw it’s mug shot awhile ago: he fell into a bad crowd and changed some. Now he’s in jail for being in an affray!

        Reply
        • Old Surfer Dude says

          December 10, 2015 at 2:52 pm

          My worst nightmare has now come true. James…I……….I just don’t know how I can go on. My poor little fray….

          Reply
  31. Jose Chung says

    December 10, 2015 at 10:32 am

    Big screaming Tarzan Yell beating chest for Leah !!!

    Reply
  32. Valerie says

    December 10, 2015 at 9:57 am

    Ok I am putting a link to OT 1 theory with the caveat that those of you who still feel that you shouldn’t be reading these levels if you haven’t done them, please please do not click on this link.

    http://www.xenu.net/archive/ot1/

    The reason I am doing this is because OT 1 has so little theory, if it takes “just a few hours” to get through it, I am flummoxed as to how it can possibly be stretched that long and how many dozens of arbitraries have been added to make the theory section hours long.

    I guess you could spend 5 days “auditing” on OT 1 if you really really really really wanted something to happen and kept hoping it would.

    The success story really is the normal over the top blather you see these days.

    I guess you can’t fault him though for attempting to turn this OT level into something.

    It makes me wonder, however, how much of it he believes as most success stories you read these days could be laid side by side and it would be next to impossible to distinguish what the person was writing a success story for.

    Reply
    • James Morris says

      December 10, 2015 at 12:13 pm

      I have to apologize for eschewing your link. I find that even at the first paragraph of any LRH tract, I lose my concentration and get distracted by trying to make sense of the—apparently deliberate—insensible.
      To me, this is the first stage of hypnosis. Just like sex, I only get hypnotized consensually; LRH is an unrepentant mind rapist and I try to leave the area when he casts his spell, even into posterity.

      Reply
    • GTBO says

      December 10, 2015 at 3:12 pm

      Nothing original on OT1 just an extended “Warterloo Station” objective

      Reply
    • freebeeing says

      December 10, 2015 at 4:57 pm

      nah, that’s “old OT 1, they have a new improved OT 1 now. I love how his SS ends.. and oh yeah right, thanks to LRH. Gotta get that mandatory COB worship in there 1st. Ole Hubby would be pissed not getting top billing. lol

      Reply
    • sashiebgood says

      December 10, 2015 at 7:29 pm

      I’m sorry, I’m still confused as to what a cognition is… out of respect for those here who haven’t done or believe that one should not read/do these steps before one is ready for them, I will not repeat the steps, but I don’t have the slightest idea what one is supposed to “cognite” about any of this. my only cognition in reading these is that I’d feel pretty dumb at the end, because I don’t get it. I mean, I guess observation is a good skill, but to what end?

      Reply
    • Pete2 says

      December 10, 2015 at 7:57 pm

      So what is the EP of OT1?

      Reply
      • Old Surfer Dude says

        December 11, 2015 at 2:16 pm

        “Knowing that you’re only going to get worse if you don’t pull your head out of your ass.”

        Reply
    • Gus Cox says

      December 10, 2015 at 9:39 pm

      Jeez, Hubbard’s handwriting is terrible.

      Reply
  33. James Morris says

    December 10, 2015 at 9:54 am

    So, Rush Hinch, if your attention is off of your body and MEST, then where is it? I keep mine front and center on whatever and wherever I need it. Usually on my body and MEST. Are safe to drive around Dallas? Are you even here? Hello? Rush…?

    And is it just me that imagines that the girls posing for the staff recruiting posters are being told “…good. Okay. Stand straight! Cross your arms! Good…now smile!”

    Reply
    • MostEthicalPimp says

      December 10, 2015 at 8:55 pm

      Your comment reminds me of this page based materials from the inventor of the galvanic meter Especially 5. https://arnielerma.wordpress.com/2015/10/11/a-lesson-in-implication-by-l-ron-hubbard/

      Reply
  34. Sarah says

    December 10, 2015 at 9:53 am

    Hilarious video!

    Reply
  35. Over and Out says

    December 10, 2015 at 9:24 am

    Gotta love this – Scientology rolling along discarding people it doesn’t like as fast as it can. http://www.pasadenastarnews.com/general-news/20151209/arcadia-woman-says-refusal-to-learn-scientology-got-her-fired-in-pasadena

    Reply
    • Gus Cox says

      December 10, 2015 at 9:49 pm

      Another WISE success story. Won’t those idiots ever learn? There are these things called, uh, labor laws. Someday, the “Hubbard College of Administration” may figure them out. But they took Lusida Rubber Products’ money alright.

      By the way, whenever I drive past that place (the Hubbard “College”) when I’m in LA (it’s not far from one of my favorite chicken joints) I bust out laughing. Hubbard College of Administration, bwaaaa ha ha!

      The Fatman’s “admistration” is a bad joke, and it gets its followers sued by their employees. Nice product.

      Reply
  36. Idle Morgue says

    December 10, 2015 at 9:13 am

    Looking at that in a “new unit of time” with all the research I have under my belt – I had a wognition.

    “Bodies in the Shop”
    “Raw Meat”

    This is real state of L Ron Hubbard when he designed the TECH.

    He came from a broken home. He was a nobody that wanted to be something. He learned about hypnosis and mind control and played around with Black Magic. He discovered he could manipulate people. He found their buttons and exploited them (us).

    He really had a secret hatred of mankind.

    I believe he tried to get better but his own Tech got him in the end. Deep down he was a criminal with a deep hatred for people.

    Due to his own crimes – he ended i[ hiding in a trailer in California from the Law, wearing disguises and lying to his members about what he was doing. He was broken and shattered, crazy and suicidal.

    Scientology Kills! It even killed the founder. Whose next? David Miscavige’s end years will be just like Hubbard’s but worse because he hurt so many people and uses the money exploited out of trusting souls for his own gain. Miscavige will take himself out and it will not be pretty. He backed himself in a corner.

    Mark my words.

    Reply
    • Newcomer says

      December 10, 2015 at 10:35 am

      I have thought long and hard about just what you are saying IM. I walked away from the cult and in doing so watched family members fall prey to the cult think that creates labels and is then willing to discard real people without remorse.

      I have thoughts about how those loved ones will work out their lives as the inevitable change happens in the world. It is not easy to watch the pain and suffering that exists behind that emotionless facade of those that have adopted the tech of the cult as the be all and end all of life.

      Aside from those thoughts, I have a wonderful life and a lot to be thankful for. And the experience of life in a cult has provided me with a deep appreciation for what I now have.

      There likely will come a day when I will have to deal with those of my family that walked away and I hope I can provide some relief. I hope the damage is not too severe; obviously there are many examples of success stories out here of those that have told the cherch to ‘STICK IT’.

      Carry on one and all.

      Yo Dave,
      We’re comin for ya good buddy! You are the proud owner of the fastest shrinking cult on the planet and you make all of the ‘very bitter and utterly defrocked apostates’ out here happy for ya! IM has your future all mapped out. Tick fucking tock, the dwarf ran up the clock …………… you finish it!

      Reply
      • McCarran says

        December 10, 2015 at 12:07 pm

        Cooper, I am SO happy for you and your new life. It has been such a pleasure to get to know you a little better and see your new life in action. It is beautiful. ?

        Reply
        • Old Surfer Dude says

          December 10, 2015 at 2:50 pm

          Coop rocks! He always has…

          Reply
        • Newcomer says

          December 10, 2015 at 6:44 pm

          Thanks Mary! I’m really glad you are a part of it!

          Reply
      • Cindy says

        December 10, 2015 at 2:25 pm

        Coop, I’d say you are a “success story” for leaving the cult. As someone said, the best revenge is living a good life and living well and you are doing that. You’re an inspiration to all who leave of what an ideal scene really can be. And when your family come out, it’s nice to know you’ll be there to perform triage and offer help while they destimulate from it all. I am glad I got to know you.

        Reply
    • Brian says

      December 10, 2015 at 8:28 pm

      Thanks Idle Morgue

      The deconstruction of the deification of Ron, that he himself created, is accomplished, in my opinion, with the direction you are taking.

      Scientology (Ron) has so many safety protection mechanisms in place So many layers upon layers of mind control to keep us from seeing Ron “as he is.”

      Ethics, threat, Intel, para military, benevolent realizations etc that keep a hypnotic spell around the true nature of Ron.

      A few years ago, on Marty’s blog, I would bring Ron up as the cause for this madness. Some folks would go ballistic and attract me for being an SP.

      These attacts are actually hypnotic responses from agreeing with Ron’s marketed messiahship and agreeing that criticism equals criminality.

      The truth is that Ron was just a man. But he also was a very sick mentally man.

      I believe, that seeing Ron “as he is” not the “alter issed” or “not issed” version is where being healed happens.

      We were all in fact the student of a madman. And if you can’t consider that it’s possible the hypnotism is still in your mind.

      Anyone who can consider as truth “all critics are criminals” is a very sick person. And anyone who follows a man with such an irrational and pathological world view is a victim of that insanity.

      Word cleared, demoed and checked out insanity.

      Reply
  37. Glom of Nit says

    December 10, 2015 at 9:07 am

    … Theta dancing?

    Reply
    • Old Surfer Dude says

      December 10, 2015 at 1:00 pm

      Yeah…but, and this is a big but, it’s only for Body Thetans. I’m kind of surprised you’ve never heard about Theta dancing……

      Reply
  38. Jeff Smith says

    December 10, 2015 at 8:35 am

    Ok if I join the Tampa staff do I get to marry one or both of those girls.

    Also some flyers say click here if you want off of list. If you click will they come take you away from your Tampa staff wife and lock you in a room

    Reply
    • Old Surfer Dude says

      December 10, 2015 at 1:04 pm

      Yes, Jeff, you will, indeed, get BOTH girls. Scientology is incorporating plural marriages now. Now I’m not if they’re banning ‘threesomes.’ But, hey, give it shot and let me know what happens.

      Reply
    • Jose Chung says

      December 10, 2015 at 7:54 pm

      Maybe as punishment. Look at the size of that rock on the first one.
      Then think about going in hock for two of those stones !!!!
      What if they reg you for Bridge money, one day the other night ?
      That would be like waterboarded with bamboo shoots under the fingernails.

      Reply
  39. Joe Pendleton says

    December 10, 2015 at 8:32 am

    Re: the standings of that last “game” … I still don’t believe there is an ACTUAL Scientology Org in Santa Barbara … any proof? (I mean with REAL people doing training and processing) … of course one could say that nowadays about all the other alleged “orgs” as well …

    Reply
    • Old Surfer Dude says

      December 10, 2015 at 1:08 pm

      Every Org on the planet is doing land office business now. New public is pouring in every single day. The academies are bursting at the seams. Course sups can hardly keep up! And those pouring in are also bringing their friends. I mean, Joe, this is just incredible! Imagine, every single Org is booming beyond booming………except Santa Barbara Org. Now, does that answer your question?

      Reply

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Dealing With Scientology Critics - L Ron Hubbard Playbook
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Important Quotes

If the org slumps during this transition period, don't engage in "fund raising" or "selling postcards" or borrowing money. Just make more income with Scientology. L Ron Hubbard From HCOPL URGENT ORG PROGRAMMING
"We own a tremendous amount of property. We own a tremendous amount of material and so forth, and it keeps growing. But that’s not important. When buildings get important to us, for God sakes, some of you born revolutionists will you please blow up central headquarters". L Ron Hubbard Lecture 31 Dec 1960
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Important Reading

Troublemaker - Leah Remini
Ruthless - Ron Miscavige
Going Clear - Lawrence Wright
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Counterfeit Dreams - Jeff Hawkins
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Abuse at the Top - Amy Scobee
Unbreakable Miss Lovely - Tony Ortega
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