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Thursday Funnies

July 21, 2016 By Mike Rinder 86 Comments

Minions_800_450

Irony Alert

They apparently don’t even notice that the image of “service” is a computer screen and some white things on desks.

A

 

 

One hour VM event for photo shoot

Funny, they don’t actually DO anything. The ONLY call to action for the VMs in Pasadena is for a photo op… TypicalB

 

 

Moneywinds

Just a series of announcements for their “conventions” – despite the fact that according to COB they are packing the place out with OT VIII’s… How come the Moneywinds never mentions DOING OT levels, just making money…

fw FW2

Learn how to “close” — seems pretty religious to me.

fw3

 

Even the CO FSSO has to have professional FSMs as part of of her “prosperity convention”…FW5

Mick Davies – “Freewinds executive” – he is like the Letter Registrar or something. After 44 years in the SO.

FW7

 

 

Harlem is happening

It’s only been a decade. And it’s entirely funded by the IAS (there are not enough African Americans in scientology to buy a sign for the front door….)
HARLEM

 

And here is the expert rundown from our friend Colin… Oh my, talk about living in a bubble.

HARLEN

 

 

Maybe they could postulate some expansion for Denver org

Or at least a full parking lot during the baseball games. Maybe they could do something about the Rockies performance so the crowds are bigger.

Screenshot (848)

 

 

The org is doing excellent

Apart from the child porn and lunatic asylum promotional items… Everything is generally going real good here at HAPI.
Screenshot (847)

 

The Captain is extremely happy…

And it’s super fun…

Screenshot (851)

11 Arrivals

All this hoopla for 11 arrivals to come and re-read the “new” OT materials? Surely they jest.

Screenshot (866)

 

More child pornScreenshot (852)

And here is the mother of two of these children.

Screenshot (853)

 

 

Why him?

How come the org doesn’t have anyone to do this? It really is amazing how these professional FSMs leech on the orgs.

Screenshot (856)

 

 

Due to lack of interest…

Screenshot (857)

 

 

“After party” = Reg Event

Screenshot (858)

 

 

“Ideal” Sea Org dining

This is becoming absolutely ridiculous. Wonder when the “ideal” trash dumpsters are going to be announced?

Screenshot (859)

 

The Scientology Motorcycle Association

WTH is going to save the day.

Screenshot (861) Screenshot (862)

 

We got our woman.

And we are dragging her off to our cave. There really is something twisted about these HAPI people.

Screenshot (863)

 

That’s perfectly logical…

…if you still pick up and carry off your women to your cave I suppose.

Screenshot (864)

 

Marveling at the brilliance of LRH Management Tech

What did she see?

Screenshot (869)

 

 

More Pro FSM work

This time they throw in a meal to help him make some FSM commissions….Screenshot (870)

 

I have absolutely no idea

But anyway, donate now.

Screenshot (873)

 

Donate now

Always, give us your money.

Screenshot (874)

 

Small and failing continent

Surprising he is still there. Usually people are replaced after 10 years of failure. Guess Canada is so unimportant they can’t be bothered.

Screenshot (876)

 

It’s a one-time showing

At least until tomorrow. Or you look at the DVD attached to the ISN.

Colin Davie strikes again. He has about as much credibility as Baghdad Bob at this point.

Screenshot (878)

 

 

Valley

It just never ends.

Screenshot (879)

 

 

Tony Hitchman

I guess he is in the clear from the threat of prosecution for his involvement with Reid Slatkin’s scheme.  Screenshot (880)

 

They’re leading the way

Then it’s completely hopeless.

Screenshot (885)

 

Just sadly pathetic

Screenshot (901)

 

 

Hot, breaking, epic news – Half Humanitarianships For Sale. Yet Again.

Same as the hot, breaking epic news of last week.

And next week. Screenshot (905)

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Filed Under: Funnies Tagged With: David Miscavige, Flag Service Organization, Freewinds, fundraising, funnies, Ideal Orgs, public relations

Comments

  1. Hennessy says

    July 23, 2016 at 10:26 pm

    Humanitarianships at 50% off with a look-alike Macy’s coupon. What a joke.

    Reply
  2. Kronomex says

    July 22, 2016 at 7:00 pm

    Jeez, you go away for a couple of weeks, check out the Thursday Funnies the day after you get back and not a single thing changes: money, money, money, give us your money. Thank (insert name of favourite deity here) for freshly brewed coffee.

    Reply
  3. threefeetback says

    July 22, 2016 at 8:58 am

    Dave,

    Brunch at Castaways is better with a view that is not obstructed with your Pokemon GO minions and BTs.

    Reply
  4. Gus Cox says

    July 22, 2016 at 1:55 am

    The only recorded interview the Fatman ever granted? What about the one where he said he didn’t have a second wife?? (and his lower teeth were nasty)

    Reply
  5. Ideal Clear says

    July 21, 2016 at 9:19 pm

    I used to find a lot of Thursday Funnies funny.

    Not anymore.

    Reply
    • Harvey says

      July 22, 2016 at 12:01 am

      I recommend the “Funny Rundown”. Please see your registrar

      Reply
      • McCarran says

        July 22, 2016 at 7:54 am

        That’s funny

        Reply
    • thegman77 says

      July 22, 2016 at 7:14 am

      And “The Org is doing excellent.” Is there no one who understands proper english? There are even apps for correcting such stuff. Too cheap? It doesn’t matter? And the scottish child porn is truly sickening. Implants for our children!

      Reply
  6. freemindsfreehearts says

    July 21, 2016 at 8:00 pm

    I was trying to find the Ebony article on Harlem and all I could find was this – they claim it was May 2012 with Michelle Obama on the cover. Someone must have this issue and could look at it!

    http://www.worldreligionnews.com/religion-news/scientology/church-of-scientology-building-new-church-and-community-center-in-harlem

    “In the Ebony article, journalist Nicole Hutcheson noted “Scientology is making inroads into the Black Community from the East Coast to the West.” Hutcheson described the new Harlem Church’s location: “…this new outpost will rise less than two miles away from Abyssinian Baptist Church, the first African-American Baptist church in New York state and one of the oldest in the United States. It’s an interesting juxtaposition, seeing Abyssinian Baptist and the Church of Scientology in the same ‘hood. But it makes sense. If Five Percenters, Buddhists, Christians and Jews can make it in Harlem, why not Scientology?”

    I can’t find the Ebony article online, but Nicole Hutcheson is with the SP Times, not a reporter for Ebony
    .

    Reply
  7. NOLAGirl says

    July 21, 2016 at 7:17 pm

    Wow. Pathetic doesn’t even begin to cover it. Going door to door and a ribbon cutting on a cafeteria? Scientology is seriously circling the drain.

    Reply
  8. clearlypissedoff says

    July 21, 2016 at 4:56 pm

    They really confused me on the Dallas Org flyer. “Dallas is taking the lead in clearing the country of Texas”. So, is some OSA person at Dallas Org planning on clearing Texas from the United States? Nuclear bomb or some other method of wiping Texas off the map? We actually like Texas in the U.S.

    They need to keep the “just arrived staff from Latvia” from designing their English promotional pieces.

    Reply
    • Old Surfer Dude says

      July 21, 2016 at 5:56 pm

      CPO, the only thing the Dallas Idle Morgue will clear is…they’re collective throats.

      Reply
      • Newcomer says

        July 22, 2016 at 1:22 am

        .They will never get rid of all their hairballs OSD! Too much kissing their own asses for way too long.

        Yo Dave,
        Now you can kiss yours ………………….GOODBY!

        Reply
        • McCarran says

          July 22, 2016 at 7:56 am

          ?

          Reply
  9. freebeeing says

    July 21, 2016 at 4:17 pm

    Here’s a video in which good old Ronnie tells us just exactly what Co$ is and has been doing or quite some time

    https://youtu.be/n7hcIYEHZCo

    Reply
    • singanddanceall says

      July 21, 2016 at 10:53 pm

      LOL

      The work was free so keep it so

      Hubbard said that, he did. LOL

      Reply
  10. Aquamarine says

    July 21, 2016 at 3:56 pm

    The Ideal…STABLES? And this is a DINING facility. What are they serving – carrots, apples, hay and organic alfafa? Seriously, these people are fucking NUTS. And, yes, I get that the place was once the stables for the estate back in the day.

    Reply
    • Aquamarine says

      July 21, 2016 at 4:00 pm

      Could one of you shooper experts please put a horse’s body, with its head (Miscavige’s face) over a picket fence being fed an apple?

      Reply
    • gorillavee says

      July 21, 2016 at 5:47 pm

      That’s exactly what caught my eye! My God, with 1 out of 3 Scn-ists being a marketing expert, didn’t anyone do a focus group on this? Or did they just ask Scn-ists, who answer “GREAT” to any question?

      Reply
  11. my dog Arrow says

    July 21, 2016 at 3:34 pm

    For stand-up of epic proportion, witness the speech of your self-appointed leader heralding the departure of the benevolent founder, The Old Man, the original You-Know-Who. Its 1986. We are led to believe that Mr. Hubbard’s unannounced exit from human existence was in order to pursue the heretofore unimaginable likes of OT FIFTEEN; being faithful and solemn in the knowledge that HE was the only conscious being gifted enough to know this path so high, so ethereal that no human form, including his own, could approach it. For the benefit of Mankind, says McCabbage… sacrificing his body was the least he could do… so important was this journey at hand.

    So was portrayed to the great gathering of sobering scientologists. Only the protagonist was laughing.
    What a performance, I will never forget.

    L. Ron Hubbard died after a series of strokes, having been quite ill for some time, his blood riddled with anti-psychotics. I wonder what would be the last day would be, in which his bodily health could be described as “healthy”. Presumably, his mind was lost. That would be a feat to document, as those close to him would effectively keep such information from public view. This “church” is nothing if not secretive. The fact remains that Hubbard was alienated by every living member of his immediate family, in hiding from the government of the United States and others, and, most contradictory for a man of enlightenment, absolutely unwilling to relate any particle of truth regarding his true and actual state of being, mental, emotional or physical, to any his followers. His spiritual self is a topic just too subjective for honorable mention here, but I would point out that he effectively, before dying and before losing his mind, abandoned his church. He was alone as alone can possibly be. Few people ever saw him around the time of his death, those last days. My count is four, one of whom was David Miscavige. Your brilliant stand-up artist.

    For you, he says, L. Ron shed his body so that he could move on unencumbered, and enter realms far beyond the boundaries of flesh and bone. Search your mind, perhaps you can find the truth in that, and know all the things we have to thank scientology for…

    Thanks, Dave. I believe. I believe. I believe it is your turn. Let’s play Follow the Leader.

    Reply
    • bug says

      July 21, 2016 at 6:55 pm

      I just caught this rather fascinating U-tube clip:
      Titled: Russel Brand Tom Cruise Refused to Convert Me
      Woe. Turns out, Russel Brand is much more the intellectual than I ever gave him credit for…
      talking about neurological pathways and breaking patterns and prisons of our own making and all…
      and then, near the end of this 6 1/2 min. run…
      He mentions working with Tom Cruise and nobody was willing to talk scientology.
      Draw your own conclusions,
      but I come away with the impression that Tom is no longer the willing spokesperson for an expansionist ideology.
      Tom IS a scientologist, still no question about that.
      I’m thinking, since Tom -n Dave are birds of a feather, that this cult has already given up on recruitment.
      That they actually recognize that lost cause.
      Now it is all about just keeping those already in, IN.
      The church, by that line of thought, would rather soon die by simple attrition. For the meanwhile, it is just a money-grab game for what it is worth, until that inevitable, approaching end. And that there is not much thought beyond that. That explains why we see all this inexplainable behavior coming out of the office of David Miscavige. He simply does not care to think. He does not care that his old tactics do not work. New tactics would not work because scientology does not work and he knows it. Just get what you can and get out, as the plan, retire.
      This makes sense to me, a plausible reality, what is actually going on in Dave’s head. And Tom’s, too. He doesn’t care about setting the world free, I think that’s for damn sure. They are both just riding out the hayride and already thinking in terms of a post-scientology existence, at everyone else’s expense, of course.
      You might think I’m nuts for saying so, have at it. But, I never thought I’d be so impressed -by Russel Brand.

      Reply
      • bug says

        July 22, 2016 at 2:42 am

        Russell Brand, right. What, did not anybody, um, check that out?
        k
        ‘ suppose there’s no need.
        But he also quips, after saying that, if ever there WAS a person ripe for a new theology it was himself. And then, in trying to understand WHY nobody, not Tom nor any of his truckloads of grunts – wanted to step aside and offer this great thing that could really help him, scientology… our searching friend says:

        “No, instead, they [Tom and everybody] were all acting like they were afraid I was going to ruin it. Yes, that’s the impression I got.”

        This supports my point, that THEY (as in Tom and the supreme Jerry-Rigger of Implanted Consciousness, they…) KNOW SCIENTOLOGY DOES NOT WORK.
        They know. They know. They know.
        They are not stupid.

        I should take up cursing, just for easier emphasis. Suckers, the.
        And of course they know it, that this scientology creed wouldn’t hold up against this consciousness-seeking man of evolving consciousness, such as he identifies himself, that he is calling that correctly. Russell, my man. Shoot it all down like a carnival duck gallery, I bet he would neither need to reload or take a second breath. They know,
        That the guy would, upon investigating it, come to know just like you and I do already, that it IS, in fact, a load of candy-coated toxic waste.

        And that’s my secondary point, that this person I thought was just a crazy professional comedian actually rips up this…creed formerly known as scungy-ology… to shreds -just going on pretenses, That is, the almighty and weighty pretenses being thrown around on the set and in his home pretenses of the generally affable Tom, the great, Cruise. The undeniable boss (from his point of view, as he and Tom were working on the same movie together), and…

        It is just exciting to me. To me, this is a scoop from the inside. A picture of the real Tom if you will.

        He is intuitively correct in that evaluation, in both what scientology is worth AND what Tom and Dick are actually up to, which is keeping a lid on the Big Secret.
        – gasp,
        while I had to suffer through a couple years inside, AND subsequently ignore the whole thought process for nearly 40 years before I could even recover, heal, and gather enough analytical or cognitive ability to even pose the simple and now obviously necessary question:
        “Could something actually be wrong with this religion?”
        Even then it would not of really happened for me, if it were not for Chris Shelton. Mike. Thanks. Looks like the kids are ok. Me? yeah, me too. Now. Hello,
        The old me was just a little slow…
        Bug out.

        Reply
  12. KatherineINCali says

    July 21, 2016 at 3:09 pm

    Oh for F’s sake. Ebony magazine is the most popular in the US?? Is that guy for real? Ebony doesn’t even make the top 10 list. Don’t know where it falls after that. Are those inside the bubble simply incapable of a basic Google search or do they just convince themselves of any ol’ thing?

    Reply
    • Old Surfer Dude says

      July 21, 2016 at 5:59 pm

      Katherine, it’s called make believe. Cult members just make shit up as they go along. Just like Corn of the COB…

      Reply
      • KatherineINCali says

        July 21, 2016 at 10:26 pm

        Despite what I know of the indoctrination and “what’s true for you” stuff, it still amazes me what they say sometimes…

        Reply
        • bug says

          July 22, 2016 at 12:41 pm

          I am with you on that, Kat.
          Reminds me of an interview with L.Ron’s son who said, yeah, he just says all this off the cuff.
          The founder, the original Old Man.
          His own son calls him out as a con artist.

          Culture lag.
          Remember that one.
          Hubbard said… it takes the status-quo culture 20 years to catch up to a new idea.

          Yeah, well, it is 50-plus years and now we are caught up.
          Cleaver genius got away with conning everybody for their cash, while he was alive.
          Got me, too.
          Amazing is right. Because it, scn-gy, has nothing to do with compassion, no connection to compassion AT ALL. In reality, it is just a insidious and heartless con to trap your mind into thinking… THIS is what I gotta do.
          Now they just look like idiots.
          Because they are, really. Just moronic. Even dear ol Dave. Moronic puppet-leader drone, runs around gestapo-style… he flounders now, keeping the dream alive… The place is reduced now to a congregation of headless chickens, running around to prepare for events as fake as the church itself. Just fake. Maybe he believes. Maybe Tom, too. Hell, maybe even LRH himself, but that would only prove how effectively the con cons. The deal is this: be careful what you believe. Once you believe something, it is going to very hard to deconstruct that belief, no matter who you are. That is the lesson here. A little humility goes a long way, especially in examining what we believe in…

          Reply
  13. gato rojo says

    July 21, 2016 at 2:55 pm

    Thanks Mike, I did laugh out loud at some of them. I mean, even if you didn’t look at these with the slightly critical eye that we have 🙂 they were still badly written or had something else so silly that it was laughable. On the other hand though it was sad to see some old friends’ names in there, dummies are still in. Sheesh. Have a fun weekend! A little new activity out your way in the billboard category! Cool!

    Reply
  14. Infinitely More Trouble says

    July 21, 2016 at 2:55 pm

    “Dallas is taking the lead in clearing the country of Texas.”

    I know these twits are communicating to their fellow fools in delusion, but srsly? Any way you look at that line it doesn’t read well. The secessionist movement in Texas might be interested, if not offended. “Clearing” Texas? Really? Texans might have an opinion about that. Not to mention the rest of the US, who might think Scientology is trying to get rid of Texas for them.

    Scientologists are myopic, like fish who think their tiny little bowl is the whole universe.

    Reply
  15. Robin says

    July 21, 2016 at 2:19 pm

    LOVE the Pasadena Volunteer Minister promo: they’ve lifted your blog title, Mike! “Something Can Be Done About It” is now their tag line. OMG!

    Reply
    • Old Surfer Dude says

      July 21, 2016 at 6:03 pm

      Something Can Be Done About It. What….finding the money to pay for toilet paper? I mean, Ideal Toilet Paper?

      Reply
      • Joe Pendleton says

        July 22, 2016 at 3:53 am

        Yes OSD … self cleaning AND reusable!!! (Disgusting, true. But IT’S IDEAL!!!)

        Reply
      • Chewkacca says

        July 22, 2016 at 3:53 am

        For me, ideal toilet paper would have Davey’s face printed on every sheet. WAAUUNH!

        Reply
        • Old Surfer Dude says

          July 22, 2016 at 11:19 am

          Now that’s an idea worth implementing! You can look at the toilet paper and say, well Davy, I hope you do a good job!

          Reply
        • rivercs says

          July 23, 2016 at 2:17 pm

          That may be possible. I have a roll of toilet paper with W’s face printed on every sheet, along with a quote from him, so why wouldn’t some company do the same for Dear Leader? There could well be a market for it.

          Reply
          • alcoboy says

            July 27, 2016 at 7:38 pm

            Nah. DM would just sue the shit out of them.
            Pun intended.

            Reply
  16. ed kette says

    July 21, 2016 at 2:08 pm

    David and Caligula!
    Both took office at 24.
    Caligula asked donations from the poor.
    Dave asks donations from almost everyone.
    Both made things worst.
    Caligula was assasinated…

    Reply
    • BBB says

      July 21, 2016 at 2:46 pm

      Compassion for the enemy and the misguided, lest we become the enemy ourselves.

      Reply
  17. lesbates says

    July 21, 2016 at 1:57 pm

    “No other culture crosses as many NATIONAL as Black Americans.”

    Look, I know I have a problem with copy editing, but at least I make a reasonable effort to catch my errors.

    Reply
    • julia says

      July 21, 2016 at 3:48 pm

      That is not the only mistake. I can’t stand reading the promo because most of the time it is written by someone who is a non-native speaker of English, or it is written by uneducated Scientologist. How does this stuff get through IA lines ? Oh yea, the staff are so busy handling the public rushing in for service that they don’t have time for such tedious actions such as editing and revising. No one in Scientology bothers to actually read anything, unless its an illegal order from the SP in charge, an entheta KR, an SP declare, or personal info from pc folders.

      Reply
    • Murray Luther says

      July 21, 2016 at 4:31 pm

      Colin Davie could use the Coherent English Rundown. That whole letter was barely understandable.

      Reply
      • Old Surfer Dude says

        July 22, 2016 at 11:22 am

        Well…..when you’re getting staff from outer Mongolia……

        Reply
    • Cre8tivewmn says

      July 21, 2016 at 4:49 pm

      Yes it seems poor Colin was so excited about his grand opening that he left out a lot of words. It’s just as well. If he had finished some of those sentences he probably would have said something really racist.

      Reply
  18. Oldtimer says

    July 21, 2016 at 1:49 pm

    Marta halasz.
    Came from Hungary to Edinburgh.Runs a business where she and her team hand out flyers for landscapers.Scientology work in 2016:. Selling rugs for Kay Champagne,telemarketing for lower your electric bill,cold calling dentist at Sterling,selling double helix magic water,marketing vitamins with crazy claims.See a trend?

    Reply
  19. Scott Henderson says

    July 21, 2016 at 12:50 pm

    Kyra – Comic Sans went out with My Space, AOL and Hampster Dance. Wake and smell 2000’s.

    Reply
    • Scott Henderson says

      July 21, 2016 at 12:51 pm

      The 2000’s. Damn fingers….

      Reply
      • Old Surfer Dude says

        July 21, 2016 at 6:07 pm

        Don’t worry Scott! It’s on a ‘senior moment.’ I have them on an hourly basis.

        Reply
        • Old Surfer Dude says

          July 21, 2016 at 6:08 pm

          Ya see, Scott? I meant to say, “It’s ONLY a ‘senior moment.’

          Reply
  20. Todd Cray says

    July 21, 2016 at 12:48 pm

    Fact check: Ebony magazine did not write about the “imminent” opening of the Harlem org in 2013, but in September of 2011. Well, almost exactly 5 years later, the opening is, well, imminent.

    Reply
    • Aquamarine says

      July 21, 2016 at 3:42 pm

      Yes, but you see, Todd, David Miscavige thinks with a very long, “whole track” view of time. We’ve been thetans for trillions of years, and we’ve been on Earth for billions of years, so when you take this long view of the universe, ergo, what’s 5 years?

      Reply
    • Cindy says

      July 21, 2016 at 5:58 pm

      I read the whole promo piece re Harlem Org opening. But nowhere was there a date of the Grand Opening. They said people had been asking about when and that they’re opening it but no date. Useless prattle.

      Reply
      • Mike Rinder says

        July 21, 2016 at 7:48 pm

        Pretty sure it says 31 July?

        Reply
  21. freemindsfreehearts says

    July 21, 2016 at 12:33 pm

    Unless I am missing something, they had 11 people at AO last week and want volunteers again as backup for the crowds this week. How lame. I myself personally could sign in 11 people to an event, no need for backup.

    Reply
  22. Todd Cray says

    July 21, 2016 at 12:25 pm

    Just one of the (unintentional) comedy nuggets: “In 2013 ‘Ebony’ magazine the largest magazine for America, wrote a 4-page theta article promoting the opening of the new ideal org in Harlem and the LRH tech we be able to deliver.”

    Where does one begin with this one? Ebony is the “largest magazine for America?” I thought that with all the expansion of the “church,” Freedumb magazine would hold that slot. What is it with this “church” and numbers/facts?

    It’s also remarkable that they have to reach back to 2013 for positive press coverage. Never mind the fact that even magazine giant Ebony would have been unprepared to knowledgeably cover an event that would be another 3 years into the future. But I always find it curious when I step through the doors of an establishment–say, a restaurant–and they have a plaque on the wall that reads “Voted Best… in Town, 1973.” It hurts their cause more than it helps; it raises the inevitable question: So what have they been up to for the years since?

    Last not least, “we be able to deliver.” Really? WTH? A stereotype of Ebonics? The writings of an indentured servant from a third-world country held captive in LA without his passport, enough sleep and proper nutrition? Or simply a result of squandering years that could have been spent with education in the Sea Org or at a Delta Academy using the education tech of a college dropout.

    Reply
  23. tony-b says

    July 21, 2016 at 12:05 pm

    Lots of jewels in the funny trinket box this week. But taking the cake for words to live by– Paulette Layton’s deeply incisive comment “Thinking in futures is clearly demonstrated as the only way to think, If one must think at all.” I don’t need to think about going to that event. I think I will just invest my status money in Ideal Org Futures on the Miscavige Rundown Exchange which are at 52 year lows right now and should offer the same return. Oops there I go thinking again.

    Reply
  24. Rick Mycroft says

    July 21, 2016 at 11:45 am

    Q: Why is Mike Spurgeon still in CLO Canada?
    A: Because there’s nowhere worse to send him.

    Reply
  25. Terra Cognita says

    July 21, 2016 at 11:26 am

    What struck me the most about The Funnies is that Scientology doesn’t talk about, much less promote, auditing and training anymore. There’s no mention of handling “ruins” or problems or any of those personal stops that caused people to come into an org in the past. It’s all about ideal this and ideal that, and donations, and grand openings, and seminars to help people make more money. It’s all about the physical organization. Helping the individual is barely mentioned.

    Reply
    • Lost My Son (Lowie) says

      July 21, 2016 at 1:23 pm

      Hi TC, love your comments and I so agree with you. They have moved away from going Up The Bridge and actually getting something in exchange for their money. It is all about donations, and status with donations which has replaced actual accomplishments of training or auditing, kind of like a new “bridge”, a bridge of statuses….Having been someone who worked with LRH as one of his messengers, his focus was on making auditors, that was one of the priorities in his mind. It boggles my mind that there is no longer an SHSBC or Class VIII course or even just simply people being trained as Class IV auditors in droves. Not that I really care……but knowing what the past consisted of, it really blows my mind how far removed they are from the original purposes. Donate, donate, donate and boy will you really be put on a pedestal as someone who is soooo “OT” and “powerful”. Ugghhhh….makes me sick. I hope you come out of the shadows soon and reveal yourself because you have been so spot-on, on everything and I have enjoyed reading your analysis. Please continue.

      Reply
    • jrfool says

      July 21, 2016 at 1:36 pm

      Exactly so. In the first promo on SERVICE is a quote form ron that ‘..the results on PCs and students…’ . They no longer deliver that sort of service at anything resembling what was delivered in the late 1960s.

      I guess that that intention of ron is never going to return.

      Reply
    • Newcomer says

      July 21, 2016 at 2:17 pm

      ” Helping the individual is barely mentioned.”

      TC,
      $cientology is to helping people like oil is to water. It just ain’t gunna happen! Show me a person who calls themselves a $cientologist and I will show you broken families, distanced friendships and general psychotic behavior.

      Yo dave,
      Sorry, but you just are NOT GETTING IT DONE. We understand why you do not offer to help people anymore! Now, drop for a fifty count and take 25 laps around your pole, if you can find one.

      Reply
  26. SadStateofAffairs says

    July 21, 2016 at 11:11 am

    Ribbon Cutting for the “Ideal” Stables – LOL, LMFAO. First of all the Stables was completely redone to be SO dining back in the mid-90’s, so the most this could be is some paint job/cosmetic renos upgrade. Second of all, it is SO crew dining – and they are having a ribbon cutting and proclaiming it Ideal. It seems to me that the “Ideal” movement of Scientology has now fully entered into the “Glee of Insanity.” If I wanted to do a parody of the Scientology “Ideal” campaign, I could not have done it better than this. They should have John Cleese as a guest speaker.

    Reply
  27. Old Surfer Dude says

    July 21, 2016 at 11:07 am

    “No other culture crosses as many NATIONAL as Black Americans.” WTF? Seriously, WTF????

    “Ideal” Sea Org dining. Wonder when the “Ideal” Trash Dumpsters are going to be announced.” Why stop there! Why not, Ideal toilets. Ideal toilet paper. Ideal conversations. Ideal arguments. Ideal sex. Ideal fears. Ideal walking. Ideal running. Ideal doubts. Ideal sleep. Ideal Ideals….

    It’s almost like they’re in ‘glee’ mode. Oh hell, who am I kidding! They’re all in ‘GLEE’ mode. I’ll bet having to wear a fake smile on their faces for hours on end, really hurts.

    Reply
    • Doug Sprinkle says

      July 21, 2016 at 12:34 pm

      How about ideal surf boards?

      Reply
      • Old Surfer Dude says

        July 21, 2016 at 6:11 pm

        I ONLY surf on Ideal Surfboards. Why? Because I’m Ideal…

        Reply
    • Studius Judius says

      July 21, 2016 at 1:17 pm

      how about ‘iDeal with crap all day’ or ‘iDeal from the bottom of the deck’

      Reply
      • Old Surfer Dude says

        July 21, 2016 at 6:13 pm

        Being semi-retired, I don’t deal with crap anymore. But, dealing from the bottom of the deck….

        Reply
  28. Doug Sprinkle says

    July 21, 2016 at 10:48 am

    Regarding Denver Org not able to postulate the Rockies having a better season so the parking lot would be fuller, I think it only fair to acknowledge that Denver ideal org did successfully postulate the Broncos beating a much more talented Carolina Panthers team in the Super Bowl.

    Reply
    • Old Surfer Dude says

      July 21, 2016 at 12:29 pm

      Those folks in the Denver Idle Morgue are sooooo OT! I mean, beating the Carolina Panthers and Cam Newton, has to be the power of Denver’s OTs. That’s the only way to explain it….

      Reply
  29. BKmole says

    July 21, 2016 at 10:13 am

    There is an old Saturday Night Live skit at a burger joint where John Belushi keeps repeating, “cheeseburger,cheeseburger,cheeseburger” in a thick European accent as he flips burgers. It was funny and a running joke over different episodes.
    There is also a running joke in Scientology.
    “Fundraiser,fundraiser,fundraiser”.
    Mike your thur funnies reminded me of that. It’s pathetic that members don’t see the constant exploitation they are subjected to.

    Reply
    • exccla says

      July 21, 2016 at 4:28 pm

      I said the same thing after i went through the l’s and nots, and solo nots [. I did this in the 80’s and 90’sbefore everything was changed.all we got to do in sessions was find bt’s and more bt’s. Tried to attest to solo nots but my cramming officer said i couldn’t ‘because nobody had yet. And my success story didn’t ‘pass their standards.] That was about it for me and bts.

      Reply
  30. Jose Chung says

    July 21, 2016 at 9:37 am

    True Story about the Moneywinds Prosperity conference.
    The classroom is in the Bow, one long table. One side is the
    poverty stricken rabble the other side was Very Rich dipped in Gold
    blessed kool aid drinkers.
    I was on the poverty side working hard. The rich side was always falling asleep
    and going to ethics. Long story short the rich public are still rich and have no motivation.
    I am now OT 8 still work hard,no longer in scientology and have plenty of money.

    Reply
    • Newcomer says

      July 21, 2016 at 2:35 pm

      ” I am now OT 8 still work hard,no longer in scientology and have plenty of money.”

      Amen to that Jose! And on a scale of 1 to 10, what is your happiness factor? ( a 10 would be really happy! )

      My life was going pretty well until the late nineties. That is when I started Oh Tea Six. Then my daughter wanted to join the See Ogre which I would not allow until she finished High School and had a drivers license. Then my wife and I did a too dee co-audit at Flog a little later to a no result. Turns out that the regges were working to convince my wife that although I was on Oh Tea Seven, I was still a small being and likely there was just not much that could be done! But maybe if I got through seven I might improve!

      Anyway, I went on to finish Oh Tee Seven and Ate and things got worse. Yep, I continued to shrink and before you know it the powers that be figured out that the reason I was so small was that I must be suppressive. I convinced them of this fact by pointing out certain things about the Cult and so after 40 years of Kool Aide consumption I was out. I took my life back and OMFG, the flourishing and propsering went into overdrive.

      For me, every day is now a 10 and on days when I can send a singer to Dave it is an 11. They told me I was an SP and now I’m trying to live up to my new status.

      Reply
      • Jose Chung says

        July 21, 2016 at 5:51 pm

        On your happiness scale I hover between 8 and 10.
        8 when I’m lazy and 10 when special projects bear fruit.
        David Miscavige failed to find Upper OT material but pretends to know it all and have it all. I resigned and gathered data from other sources that redefined OT levels and how the World works.
        Staring at walls and memorizing church holidays do not make you Superman.

        Reply
      • Cindy says

        July 21, 2016 at 6:13 pm

        The joke’s on them, Newcommer. I’ve seen you and you are NOT a small being! lol

        Great that you are flourishing and prospering and zinging Davie now and then. I think you’ll get your kids back when the church collapses.

        Reply
        • Newcomer says

          July 22, 2016 at 1:19 am

          Thanks Cindy. Id venture that all of the larger beings have exited the cult’ssphere of influence. Kudos to you for making it out!

          Reply
  31. Mike Wynski says

    July 21, 2016 at 9:17 am

    Seems like Colin is trying his hand at written Ebonics for the Harlem promo. What an idiot.

    Reply
  32. John P. Capitalist says

    July 21, 2016 at 8:43 am

    My particular favorite of today’s batch was the flyer for the Volunteer Ministers to come to Pasadena to check out the van. My guess is that the van looks something like this:

    http://www.dcfud.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/vanfud.jpg

    At the very least, I’m sure the VM van puts out a creepy vibe that makes even people injured in an earthquake or other natural disaster run away quickly.

    I don’t recall exactly when, but didn’t Mike post a picture of a VM van with at least one flat tire slowly rusting in a weed-strewn corner of an Idle Morgue parking lot in the last couple of years?

    Reply
    • dr mac says

      July 21, 2016 at 12:21 pm

      Possibly every org has one, but the picture you paint is exactly what stood in a derelict corner the Joburg parking lot for many years – and probably still is if the pricks would let me in to have a look.

      Reply
    • threefeetback says

      July 21, 2016 at 2:50 pm

      That shot from one of Mike’s drive-bys may have been Nashville. I also recall one of your financial posts that mentioned doing parking lot counts to properly assess a business.

      Shorting Miscavige all the way down (pun intended) like you did with oil (your post at Tony’s blog) is a no-brainer. But, beyond market indexes, taking a position in no load, low expense ratio funds in the developing field of Exponential Technology, and adding to the position on the way up looks like a far better way prosper; with no rubber chicken circuit salesmen as required listening.

      Reply
      • alcoboy says

        July 22, 2016 at 5:08 pm

        It probably was Nashville’s.

        Reply
  33. john Johnson says

    July 21, 2016 at 8:31 am

    Top of the bridge= totally immersed in self delusion.

    Reply
    • Old Surfer Dude says

      July 21, 2016 at 12:31 pm

      +1! Yep, they are totally immersed in self delusion.

      Reply
    • Joe Pendleton says

      July 22, 2016 at 3:49 am

      “I’m on top o’ the bridge, ma …. top o’ the bridge!” – Jimmy Cagney going completely nuts … at the end of I think “White Heat”

      Reply
  34. alcoboy says

    July 21, 2016 at 7:26 am

    Ah, dammit, dammit, dammit! Not that “Coolest religion on earth” shit again!
    When are these people going to learn?

    Reply
    • Todd Cray says

      July 21, 2016 at 12:52 pm

      So cool in fact…

      I watched “Central Intelligence” last night (new comedy with Kevin Hart and the Rock). The most mean-spirited character in the film comes out and reveals himself as a scientologist before going on and doing something really cruel and nasty.

      So cool that they get to be the punchline of oh so many a joke. Not THAT IS cool!

      Reply
      • bug says

        July 21, 2016 at 3:36 pm

        O, Todd! Thanks so much for this.
        Finally, you give me a reason to go out of my cave and buy a TV!

        Reply
  35. Swedish Fish says

    July 21, 2016 at 7:14 am

    Regarding the Cartoons, i belive the all had a SCiLON- voice actor in them. Woner why they skipped South park :)—

    Reply

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Dealing With Scientology Critics - L Ron Hubbard Playbook
The Real Story About Disconnection
To Speak Or Not To Speak
Shelly Miscavige Guarded By Armed PIs
Debbie Cook's New Years Email
On David Miscavige's Behavior
Miscavige's Behavior Part 2
A Letter From Garcia

Important Quotes

If the org slumps during this transition period, don't engage in "fund raising" or "selling postcards" or borrowing money. Just make more income with Scientology. L Ron Hubbard From HCOPL URGENT ORG PROGRAMMING
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“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” - Martin Luther King
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Important Reading

Troublemaker - Leah Remini
Ruthless - Ron Miscavige
Going Clear - Lawrence Wright
Bare Faced Messiah - Russell Miller
Counterfeit Dreams - Jeff Hawkins
Blown For Good - Marc Headley
Abuse at the Top - Amy Scobee
Unbreakable Miss Lovely - Tony Ortega
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Inside Scientology - Janet Reitman
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My Billion Year Contract
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