The freedom to be, do and above all, have
Well, the nightmares did eventually end. I no longer woke up in a sweat. It was always the same nightmare, always the same scenario – despite being on staff for 31 years and having left staff and the Church of Scientology, I mistakenly thought I had somehow returned and was back in the grip of David Miscavige’s corporate Scientology. But after some months the nightmares ended.
Now, every day I smile broadly and thank God I am no longer under that influence and the only other abiding thought is: How the hell did I manage to stay so long? I say that because if I had to sum up in one word what life is like out here, as an independent Scientologist, out from under corporate Scientology, it would be FREEDOM, the freedom to be, freedom to do and most definitely the freedom to have.
In the church I always felt nothing was mine, it was always owed in some way to corporate Scientology or I had to go to extraordinary lengths to keep it, an all but impossible task.
You couldn’t “be” either unless being meant the unmistakable and very definable valence of a corporate Scientologist, a far cry and great distance from one’s own valence, which as Scientology teaches is the only place to be.
And you certainly couldn’t just “do” because there were all kinds of arbitrary, impossible-to-predict rules that had nothing whatsoever to do with Scientology. They resulted in restrictions and penalties applied if, God forbid, you took what the high and mighty saw as a wrong action. That’s one of the main reasons corporate Scientology ground to a halt – the judgmental attitude coming down from on high and the penalties they dished out were so strong many people simply decided that doing nothing was the safest option.
And it’s not like you could just go in session and handle any resultant bypassed charge because auditing itself became part of that penalty system – if someone deemed you had made a wrong move it was over to the inevitable and endless security check for you, at your own, very great expense. And often, that someone, the arbiter of your future, knew next to nothing about actual Scientology. They only knew “command intention” whatever that had become.
And speaking of auditing, while in the church, according to corporate Scientology I was only ever “Clear but also, weirdly, somehow not clear”. Clear could never be acknowledged because the arbitraries on Clear cycles were and continue to be utterly suppressive in corporate Scientology.
Outside corporate Scientology I am, at this moment, on OTVII. I have done far more LRH bridge in the past few years since I left corporate Scientology than the combined 36 years I was in it.
And as an OT outside the church I am free to enjoy life. Life is fun, people are fun, disseminating is fun. While in corporate Scientology I somehow felt uneasy about telling people I was a Scientologist. Miraculously, outside corporate Scientology I have no such problem. I have lost count of the number of times people have asked me what I do and when I told them I am a Scientologist (to see their reaction) they looked down at the ground and pulled a long face. But when I clarified by explaining I’m an independent Scientologist who wants nothing to do with the church they looked up with interest and the conversation turned to auditing and training and what it could do for people and them in particular. I find the reach for Scientology tech is very much alive and well out here whereas the reaction towards the Church of Scientology is very much a rapid withdraw.
And that’s what I do for a living, I audit and train others in addition to a host of other projects – never had more happening and going on in my life than now. Words like freedom (and fun) sum it all up. It is why I got involved in Scientology in the first place. It’s like 1975 all over again and I’m back at London Foundation, running the communication course, just helping people and enjoying the hell out of it.
I don’t think Scientology was meant to be anything but fun. How can a tech so potent be anything but fun? How can life be serious when you have the tech to help and handle life itself?
Problem? What problem? There are obstacles and barriers out here of course; otherwise life wouldn’t be the game that it is. But unsolvable problems? Only seen those in corporate Scientology where suppression thrives and the tech has been buried and lost under a mountain of arbitraries.
Even having fun seems to have become a problem in corporate Scientology. But not for me, for me the nightmare is over!