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Thursday Funnies

October 18, 2018 By Mike Rinder 17 Comments

 

The most important announcement in history…

…until the next event.

And the announcement? “We need more money.”

 

 

We will pay you $12 an hour…

or give you a “very upstat and meaningful commendation”

 

A message from Carol Nolan

I was the Deputy Command Officer Internal of OSA International for many years. Now I am doing fundraising in Africa.

My career path seems to be on the decline… where did I go wrong? Is there any hope? Or is my next stop gig booker for the Jive Aces?

 

He’s back!

Well, that is a relief. It was only Carol Nolan and now we have him.

Miscavige must be getting desperate that continuing to yank ribbons on a few random orgs is becoming old hat. He has to have something bigger. Why not open an Advanced Org? It’s been promised for more than a decade. It’s just another empty building… so no big deal. They are probably making one Clear every 6 months in the entire continent of Africa but what the hell, we own the damn thing so it might as well get an event video out of it,

Drug free, marijuana free and alcohol free…

But NOT free of regges.

 

SuccessMoney

Only $50!

I wonder if they count this as “Paid service Completions”? I don’t really wonder. Of course they do.

 

The pianist was amazing…

 

“Episode Premiere Party”?

Seriously?

 

BEC?

I guess this guy is someone everyone should listen to?

 

Practice what you preach

If the Freewinds knew how to do this, how come they don’t have enough money to buy the fuel to sail from one place to another?

 

This is the same briefing he has been doing for 10 years…

And it’s always promoted as “up-to-date” and “new news”.

And there is NOTHING new. There never will be.

It’s like promoting an event that promises updated, new news one proof that the earth is flat.

 

A very exclusive briefing

Right. Exclusively for those who have a check book, bank account, jewelry, stocks or a credit card – or could borrow from someone else. So, exclusively for anyone stupid enough to attend.

 

Dude. Seriously?

 

Of course New Years is 22 December

It gets earlier and earlier every year.

I guess Dave must have plans for a Christmas getaway this year.

 

That’s it?

The biggest, baddest Class V org on earth (according to them) has a total of 30 active OTC members.

The local Little League softball team has more active parents…

 

Just like Gavin Potter

Aren’t people starting to wonder if there is anyone else who has ever gone up the bridge so quickie?

They have been talking about this one guy for like 5 years now. He’s really the only one you got? Everyone else takes decades?

And everyone knows he married into money and became a professional pc but somehow STILL needed to run around a pole 3 times to get it.

 

Somehow this image just doesn’t seem right…

What does this have to do with ability and power? We have GPS devices these days…

 

 

Cause and effect…

Don’t have time to look this up, but you can bet they either did not downsize, or it is a completely wrong reason or definitely a wrong cause. It’s what scientologists do. Like bringing down the Berlin wall. And reducing crime 50% in Colombia.

 

We can Clear Earth…

Sorry to break it to you this way.

No we can’t

 

Donut wall. Zombie karaoke. Haunted house.

And regges. Lots of regges… Now that’s really scary

 

Realized?

Fantasized perhaps?

You do know that just saying it doesn’t make it true, right?

 

The Postulates Panel is back…

 

Going to be fascinating to see this…

How is it they cannot just mobilize their largest private relief force on earth? Instead they have to advertise to get people. Can you imaging the Red Cross doing this?

But they should be able to round up a few thousand — after all Florida is “ALL Ideal” and there are 12,000 scientologists in the Tampa Bay area alone….

The photos of thousands of VMs at work should be epic.

 

 

This is the “ideal” Joburg North?

9 people?

Maybe 30 OT Committee members in Valley IS really the biggest org on earth….

 

Another front group…

Like they don’t have enough already?

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Filed Under: Funnies Tagged With: David Miscavige, Freewinds, fundraising, funnies, IAS, Ideal Orgs, Scientology, Scientology Idle Orgs

Comments

  1. Komodo Dragon says

    October 20, 2018 at 4:37 pm

    What happened to the guy in the picture for the “Supporters of the Durban Ideal Org”? Did he get declared an S/P while the picture was being processed? Looks like he was cut out of the shot. Probably just that he would not cough up enough credit card info for the regges to open up new credit to drive him further into bankruptcy.

    Reply
  2. BKmole says

    October 20, 2018 at 3:48 am

    Mike, seems that there is no new blood driving the massive expansion Scientology is experiencing. And it also appears Celebrity Centre will do anything to get “bodies in the shop” or new public going into CC. Scientology is growing in leaps and bounds, growing smaller by the day, hour and minute.

    Reply
  3. PeaceMaker says

    October 19, 2018 at 2:35 pm

    I’ve been keeping a bit of an eye on the VMs’ social media postings, which seem the be a principal way of organizing their amateurish operations.

    The most they managed for last months’ storms, was to send a couple of dozen kids pulled out of Scientology schools in Clearwater, to help out with neighborhood cleanup. I think that only two or three adults did anything more than drive up for a weekend to hand out the little hygiene kits that had been packed by volunteers at the orgs.

    I have yet to see signs of response to the latest storm that hit Florida, other than getting people to come in and make up more hygiene kits. This is in contrast to more effort last year in response to Hurricane Harvey, apparently including a number of people who flew from California to help out for weeks at a time.

    Scientology’s Clearwater community is smaller that LA’s and California’s, but I’m left to wonder if the members there may tend to be those who are so be focused on their own “bridge” that they have no interest in helping others. There are also some indications that at least in the South, the VMs may now be known to distaster officials and recovery agencies as self-promoters with little to offer in the way of real help, and are no longer able to get access to hard-hit areas and aid shelters they way they did last year.

    Reply
  4. Peggy L says

    October 19, 2018 at 1:30 pm

    When are the donors going to have an epiphany (sort of like a brain high colonic for actually going clear) that “hey, didn’t I just give money for this?”. Or maybe “hey, haven’t they already asked for money for like..50 times and they still don’t have it done?”. It’s bound to happen, and when it does the doomsday clock count down for the cult as it is now is inevitable. All “true leaders” have met their match if history teaches anything.

    I have faith 🙂

    Reply
  5. Valerie says

    October 19, 2018 at 12:04 pm

    Two thoughts: Scott Fraser Is it $12/hour? Is it $20/hr? Is it free with a commendation? Do I really have a choice which I get? Of course, I will take what’s behind the door which gives me the most um….status??? bwa ha ha ha ha

    A year and a half ago, East Grinstead opened a new police station and began moving from the old one and have finally closed it. It was smaller because it was more technically efficient. Amazing that scientology felt they could take responsibility for it. I wonder if they notice it was built over a year and a half earlier.

    https://www.crawleyobserver.co.uk/news/crime/new-police-station-to-open-in-east-grinstead-1-7985162

    Reply
  6. Rip Van Winkle says

    October 19, 2018 at 11:33 am

    Hey Carol Nolan… If the three ideal orgs in Africa were indeed “banned together” it would please us folks in MikeLand and save wasted lives.

    Here’s hoping all the orgs in the world are banned!

    We’ve banded together to get the truth out.

    Reply
  7. gorillavee says

    October 19, 2018 at 9:47 am

    Craig D. Walters – we can help you with your confusion about alien reptilian races. It is vital that you have this handled before such an encounter happens, which will be within 5 years, 10 at most. Conditions and exchange by dynamics, and o/w’s on each dynamic, 4 flows, and you’ll be better than ever. fully at cause and more in present time. 4 intensives – bring a check for $40,000. 4 credit cards would be good too.

    Reply
    • Valerie says

      October 19, 2018 at 12:14 pm

      From what I’ve heard, those 4 credit cards need not be in Craig’s name, either, as long as they have high limits…

      Reply
  8. Richard says

    October 19, 2018 at 8:40 am

    I think Craig D. Walters poses an interesting question about a reptilian race. Would some of them be interested in clearing Reptilekind? Would they have two chamber brains like we humans and have human like thinking? What if they have four chamber brains? Would that allow them to think and “cognite” twice as fast or would they be twice as keyed in? Etc.

    Reply
  9. Alcoboy says

    October 19, 2018 at 8:13 am

    Mike, I have a question:
    If the Freewinds can’t afford fuel, does it sit in port in Curacao? What about all those shots you see at events where the ship appears to be coming around at 180°and all the Sea Ogres in their shorts and knee socks standing in front of the bridge?
    Looks like Craig D Walters is doing his OT levels if he’s wondering if aliens are part of the fourth or fifth dynamic.
    “Race To The Finish “. I gotta go to that! Aw, c’mon! SuMP is going to be there filming! Might be the start of a great acting career!
    Maybe they’re having the new year event on December 22nd because the mighty Dwarfenfuhrer won’t be available on January 1st as he’ll be drunk off his ass.

    Reply
  10. Cre8tivewmn says

    October 19, 2018 at 7:38 am

    I have no doubt that the freewind’s engine control looks exactly like that. Bridge dialogue: “All ahead 10x! “. Aye, sir! All ahead 10x!” Meanwhile the navigator is trying to determine the position with a sextant.

    Carol, you shouldn’t tease us by putting “Scientology” and “banned” in the same paragraph. I was starting to get excited until I read more carefully.

    Reply
  11. Kimo says

    October 19, 2018 at 12:40 am

    I want to know whether NASCAR knows that image is being used on that poster. I’d wager not, unless it’s a royalty-free image, and then the AOL logo would likely have to go. And altering it for their purposes…

    Reply
  12. Claire says

    October 19, 2018 at 12:22 am

    Bahahaha, I figured it was a reference but never got the joke in your blog title before now. That’s great ??.

    Reply
  13. Peabody says

    October 19, 2018 at 12:13 am

    Nice work Carol Nolan … was it band together or banned together?

    Think about how stupid the average scientologist is and then realize that half of them are stupider than that.

    Reply
  14. whatareyourcrimes says

    October 18, 2018 at 11:57 pm

    Refreshments will be served… and the Regs are blocking all exits.

    Scientology in a nutshell.

    How are the stats, little buddy? oh yeah, and WHERE’S SHELLEY?

    Reply
  15. Miss Q says

    October 18, 2018 at 9:25 pm

    I do love me some “delicous” food (& music??). I guess after using a good dictionary to check the spelling of those tricky words “magical” and “aesthetics,” they kind of ran out of steam.
    —
    That San Francisco auditor looks like he’s checking out the rack of the PC across the desk. Ew.
    —
    Every time I eat too much chocolate, I need to blow some postulates on my chin.

    Reply
  16. Rip Van Winkle says

    October 18, 2018 at 8:55 pm

    The criteria for being counted as “active” on the OT committee is laughable….. Virtually doing ANYTHING makes you counted… call one person on the phone about scn, utter one sentence in person encouraging participation… drop off one flyer anywhere….

    The begging phone calls requesting my participation stats were pathetic with desperation. They would reel off suggestions as if to jog my memory.

    I have never attended even a single meeting “due to distance from org” … Yet I would get letters assigning me a hat (job) and then subsequent KRs for not wearing the hat. I successfully ignored it all, even through VII.

    (Blows raspberry)

    Reply

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