What A Deal!
The best investment you can make is give us your money so we can invest in real estate and we will give you a phony certificate.
Financial Planning par excellence.
Dinner and Graduation
Enjoy a romantic evening in the grip of the regges.
It’s Inspiring Too!
Did She Graduate Anything This Week?
These orgs don’t seem to have much in the way of graduates. Instead, “graduation” becomes “hear from…” while the regges hover.
“Now”??? Been working on it for decades and it’s not done. What are you going to do differently?
Unless they have no access to Google, you cannot disseminate to anyone these days.
CCHR is full-on anti-medicine now?
Wonder why Lance Miller is considered an authority on this? He’s a toastmaster.
The only people in Chicago Org
Members of the Nation of Islam
Life became calm and peaceful
Probably true, working in an ideal morgue.
No stress. No public. No pay.
Costa Rica Mission
They offer a comfy bed… Strange.
Uplifting the Community
Do they really think this is true?
The Way to Happiness will “teach you how to increase the effectiveness of your actions”?
Learn from a Master
Lisa Mansell’s job is to create PR Area Control for Flag in Clearwater.
Why would anyone listen to her on this subject?
Best Funny Ever!
Scientology SPECIALIZES in being victims.
They are victims of the media. Of SP’s. Of the Government. Of psychiatry. Big Pharma. Haters. Bigots. Liars. Apostates. The list is almost endless….
With a “surprise auctioneer” — you would think the ITEMS would be the focus?
Find Your Own Universe?
Living in the scientology bubble is like living in a different universe.
The Jive Asses are experts on this apparently. Is there anything those banana-suited swingers aren’t expert at?
Still milking the postulates pitch
It’s the end of January. This is getting pretty old now. Like Craig Mathieson.
It’s supposed to be a game for STAFF.
There are 21 total missions in all of Latin America.
Wait, CCNY is still a thing?
OMG I had no idea….
There has NEVER been a mention of CCNY “going Ideal”? In fact, there hasn’t been a mention of CCNY anything for years?
Just as a note, new Haven got their “ideal building” in 2003. Nearly 20 years ago. Still not ideal….
She had to go to Africa?
Why? It’s that much cheaper?
Hard to Disseminate?
Obviously — it’s they’re promoting it. And CC Int too.
Like I said, the answer is to try to find people with no access to the internet.
I’m not sure that there are 21 missions left in North America*, at least not that aren’t just a back room somewhere. It will be interesting to see what the fallout from the pandemic is, on top of the trend for missions to vanish as Scientology contracts and the old mission holders reach retirement age.
* Excluding Mexico, which the CofS puts in Latin America
Lance Miller is an “award winning author.” Sooo, why can’t I find any mention of books let alone his awards? The only thing could even vaguely be considered as to how famous (snort, snigger) he thinks he is a 17 year old World Champion of Public Speaking world champion. Other than that he’s another pathetic nobody who can only survive by whatever he can from $camyourmoneyology.
Uplifting the Community:
Isn’t it strange that they don’t mention that $tealyourmindandcashology.
Um, “How to fill in the vacuum on Scientology.” Er, ar, headache forming…
With a “surprise auctioneer”…
The Dorkendweeber’s tribble hairpiece on a day off while the Dwunkendwarfer is out being run through a mangle to squeeze out excess alcohol after being in a barrel of scotch for too long?
My postulates have settled down very well since I started using Postulate Away Cream with the handy 40psi air compressor injector system. Oh wait, it’s not those types of postulates…
Fred G. Haseney says
Re: Promises, promises….
All the people in the course room at Celebrity Center Los Angeles appear to be wearing plastic gloves: students (coaches and twins) as well as supervisors. Yes, that’s probably due to Scientology’s Covid19 restrictions. Poor people, nevertheless.
What does a student do who has to do a clay demo? Do plastic gloves and clay work together well?
Mike: this week’s “Thursday Funnies” is long and meaty. Thanks!
I used to wear plastic gloves when I did clay demos. I mostly liked doing them but didn’t like the feel of the clay on my bare hands nor getting my nails filthy with it, so I always wore rubber gloves for dishwashing – which I never wore when washing dishes 🙂
My win? Easy, I was never in.
Postulate for this year? (postulate: 1. (noun) A conclusion, decision or resolution made by the individual himself on his own self-determinism on data of the past, known or unknown.)
I will not be in this year either.
Fred G. Haseney says
Re: Dinner and Graduation
The guy in the ANZO promo piece holds a sign that reads, in part:
At quick glance, however, it reads:
(“GO” and “OT” are too close together.)
To those who have seen Marvel’s “Guardians of the Galaxy” Parts 1 and 2, the sign may very well remind them of this:
“I AM GROOT.”
Groot is a Marvel Comics fictional character who always says:
“I AM GROOT.”
When asked any question about anything, or asked for a comment no matter what the topic is, he always says those three words.
Originally, Groot was a tree-like extraterrestrial, an invader intent on capturing human beings for experimentation.
Sounds a bit like Scientology…
Zee Moo says
Sing 3 Dog Night’s ‘Celebrate’, but with the word ‘disseminate’.
So now the clampire has to make its minions sell the scam. The minions wore always supposed to sell the scam, but they stopped doing it because they didn’t like blow back from the wog world. That will not end well. More people will be talked out, then talked in.
Angry Gay Pope says
The man holding the sign saying “GO OT” I immediately thought said “GOOT”. I said “GOOT”? Oh no not more Scientology jargon!
To: Angry Gay Pope
From: David Miscavige COB RTC
The only reason you thought the sign said GOOT is because you can’t read. Therefore you need to avail yourself of our fabulous study tech. After clearing all your misunderstood words you will have full cognition that GOOT is really ‘Go OT!’
To:David Miscavige COB RTC
Re: study tech.
So let me get this straight. If I word clear every single word in ‘Mein Kampf ‘ by Adolf Hitler, that book will no longer be a compilation of mad rantings about how undesirables need to be wiped off the face of the Earth?
I’m waiting for an answer.
No love at all
From: David Miscavige COB RTC
Re: Study tech and Hitler.
I’m confused about the dissemination and uptone. When I see celebrities asked about Scientology or their involvement in it, they try to avoid answering or tell the interviewer they will send them some materials. But the flier above seems to indicate that Scientology wants you to personally talk to 3 people a day about Scientology. I don’t get it. Do they want to talk about it to people to disseminate information or do they not want to talk about it?
They want their members to corner three service workers who can’t avoid or talk back to customers or and press a postcard into their hands. It’s easy to Confront and Shatter if you can potentially get your target fired for balking.
The Moose says
I’m sure the people who are told to talk to three a day aren’t supposed to mention the word “Scientology”.
I think the idea is to have positive interactions with people, and then hope that they ask what it is that you do that makes you so energetic and optimistic – which could then be an opportunity to say that it’s Scientology, and go on to try to ‘disseminate’ to them.
I’ve seen the first part of that used as a practice tool with motivation and sales seminars, and the full lead-in to the recruiting angle used by groups that are more oriented towards selling themselves.
The bottom line for Scientology is that there are very few people that they have any chance of selling themselves to these days due to everything from widespread knowledge of their deservedly bad reputation, to just that what they’re trying to peddle is fundamentally so dated. Members seem to have become hesitant to even try because rates of rejection and even negative reaction to old school sales techniques have gotten very high, a trend that also shows up in the disappearance of door-to-door peddlers, and even the Jehovah’s Witnesses and Mormons backing off on ringing doorbells in recent years.
Regarding the “Medicine” item above, the concept and label of “Medical Apartheid” are pushed by Robert Kennedy, Jr. and Nation of Islam Minister Tony Muhammad to attack vaccines, and particularly Covid-19 vaccines.
It is interesting that this propaganda has infiltrated Scientology Orgs via CCHR.
Regarding the “Africa” item above, Nation of Islam Sister Gillian Muhammad achieved the Scientology religious State of Clear. As noted in the caption on the photo, she is the thirteenth member of the Nation of Islam to attain the State of Clear.
That explains the low number – 13 clears for the whole of Africa would have been an even better stats crash.
Selling it to black Americans as both cheaper than in America, and as a spiritual pilgrimage to the ‘home land’ is a smart move.
I have two questions.
Why go to an org when the local aquarium has sharks?
So victims of Hubbard don’t count as victims?
Of course not. In Hubbardese a victim is anyone who has not yet paid for their snake oil, or has realized the snake oil is poisonous and said so.
Strong opening with “These Share Certificates will never devalue!”
Can’t go lower than zero.
Does Australia not have a regulator for this kind of nonsense?
Mark Kamran says
They mentioned it as donation for face saving.
Otherwise using financial terminology for.the sake of publicity have legal repercussions.
This shows lack.of literacy and general understanding, how things work and how to connect, a crisis which every Cult faces at the Age of Paranoia before entering Age of Extinction.
Except don’t they cancel “certs” if a member “blows” or is “declared”? Of course if the value is zero to begin with it’s no financial loss, but still….
Brian Daniels is still in? OMG. He was first in around 1990, if not before………
Joe Pendleton says
At first glance , I thought that Jive Ass guy was promoting how to “make your postulates wank” …
Ms. B. Haven says
WTF is up with the posters for ‘graduation’? Back in the day when I was lured into the cult at a mid-sized mission, there was a graduation every Friday night after course. There were no posters, just word of mouth, and the place was packed. Literally standing room only. Everyone seemed to be having a good time and enjoying themselves. There was entertainment (but no food or drink) in addition to the requisite win sharing, clapping and hip-hip-whorraying. I was new, but I didn’t see any regges lurking at the exits or prowling thru the crowd snagging victims. In hindsight, I’m sure that some of that was going on, it’s scientology so that is par for the course. Nowadays, even with slick posters I bet the vast majority of seats in a small room are empty come graduation time. And this is a good thing.
Mary Kahn says
“Shares Certificate” Never devalue. So, in other words, they have about as much “value” as a Commendation Chit.
But my favorite piece of sh.. promo here is the last. Since scientologists can’t bring up the word “Scientology” any more, they can disseminate by talking to people using ARC, giving a compliment or granting beingness or the Tone Scale or just a plain old ordinary smile. Yea, that’ll bring them into the mission or “church.” It’s also PHONY as hell.
There’s nothing sincere about being a scientologist – it’s lies and deceit with phony compliments, smiles, and conceited and deceptive acts of “bringing someone uptone” by using the “tools” of scientology. Sounds like a real pal.
This sounds so illegal.
How can anyone say it never devalues and you have a share in an organization? So can they be cashed in at a later date, with interest, like genuine shares in a company?
Loosing my Religion says
“How to fill in the vacuum on scn”.
Well, you can’t. There is nothing to vacuum. That ‘void’ is actually filled with known truths and documents that prove what scn really is.
So it would be more correct to say
“How to try to replace the truth they know with ‘acceptable’ truths (lies)”.
Mark Kamran says
Cults are by product of obsession, to be part of it ,you have to be obsessive and psychotic.
Fear is the common denominator, through which whole organisation is controlled in pyramid structure.
When Cults starts losing control they get extinct. That’s why no Cult ever made century of their existence. The average age of Cult is 50 year.History is full of examples .
Loosing my Religion says
Mark thank you and I fully agree with you. The fact that they are now nailed and no longer have new people and have started cannibalizing each other to keep the stat of the SO Reserves high – through unleashed fundraising – says it all.
It is possible that eventually they will also be able to sell Extinction Courses which will help the remaining members disappear in “tech”.
Mark Kamran says