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Thursday Funnies

June 23, 2022 By Mike Rinder 22 Comments

 

“Ideal” Continent

Will be accomplished by getting buildings renovated for Perth, Brisbane, Adelaide and Canberra.

Never mind the fact there is not a single org in Indonesia, the Philippines, China, South East Asia, Oceania or the Indian subcontinent.

Planetary Clearing is happening!

 

More ideal-y-ness

 

Community and Economic Development?

If they’re so good at this, how come their own communities are disappearing before their very eyes?

They’re down to a handful of scientologists in the major cities of S. Africa and you can count them on one hand in Zimbabwe, and not another org in the entire continent of Africa.

 

No central heating?

And you can’t buy vitamins?

 

At least they don’t advertise food

 

Life is a lot like a helicopter

Huh?

But we can get behind the steering wheel? Of the helicopter?

And again, this is an ADVANCED org?

 

Ah yes, the food…

 

Still just one person arrived?

Seems like they promote her every week…

 

Not just the AO, also the CLO?

Fundraising franticness at a whole new level

 

Criminon getting it done…

You never have to meet an inmate or go to a prison. That’s the hands-on approach scientologists are renowned for with their high confront!

 

Factual?

Their scare tactics about marijuana are not supported by science.

 

Take Command of Your Life

As told to you by someone who has NO command over his life at all.

 

What’s wrong with Flag?

Why do they have to hold their fundraising events at someone’s house? And then beg for volunteers?

 

The Chan Man Cometh

Raising money for Chicago in Columbus?

Here is his video. How this guy is a spokesman for scientology is a real mystery…

 

How viable are scientology missions?

These days apparently they cannot even afford to buy books to sell — got to get “donations”

 

Dissemination Crash

Joy Villa is at it again… This is some amends project she is engaged in. Last week she was booming Brighton. Now she is going to rocket the stats in Edinburgh.

She was key to the “expansion” in Joburg too…

Everywhere she goes she puts scientology on the map!

A MAGA legend in her own mind.

 

Free and Open to the Community

But only on this day for bouncy houses and train rides.

Otherwise definitely not free and absolutely not open to the public.

 

They’re copying “the look”

This 3 person mission has got the bellhop uniforms out and arms folded pose to look super official and create the impression they are “ideal.”

 

It’s happening RIGHT NOW!

After 20 years of faffing about, believe us, now it’s going to happen, even though we have been saying this same thing for that entire time.

Bad memory is a big plus if you are a scientologist.

 

And more BIG NEWS!

Scientology is changing the government and education systems! It’s the “largest reach on the planet” but you will not be able to read about it in any media because they are suppressing the good news. Just believe us when we tell you.

 

Battlefield Earth First Edition

Just discovered!

And these collectors editions are in such demand we are selling them for just $35 instead of the original price of $60?

The L. Ron Hubbard “collectibles” market is the worst investment since pet rocks.

 

Inclusion anyone?

Just ignore the policies of disconnection. Scientology are the masters of exclusion.

Move along, no hypocrisy to see here.

 

Stacy Francis the Businesswoman

I thought she was a singer? Looks like she has latched onto some weight loss program she is now promoting?

 

You’re supposed to come for the weather and scenery?

Not the regging?

Courses?

Regging?

Auditing?

Regging?

 

At this rate….

There will be 10,000 onto Solo NOTs by 2050 or so.

But hey, it’s worth shouting about because last week it was even worse…

 

Oh, they added some heavy hitters…

Billy Lindstein?? He’s still around? 20 years ago he was WDC. Now he is second fiddle to the Chan Man in Columbus.

 

Seriously?

Top gunning their way to ultimate cheesiness.

 

The final word…

Still gearing up

 

 

 

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Filed Under: Funnies Tagged With: Andrea D'Agostini, AOSHAf, AOSHEU, Battlefield Earth, Billy Lindstein, Brisbane, Canberra, Cape Town, CLO EU, Columbus Ideal Org, criminon, Dan O'Connor, Georgia, Hana Li, HAPI, Jessica Kudewicz, Jimmy Page, joburg, Joy Villa, Michael Chan, Quito mission, Saint Hill, Sharon Star, Stacy Francis, tampa org, Top Gun, Trevor Rosenberg, Yvette Kloss

Comments

  1. TOOT to OT says

    June 25, 2022 at 1:06 pm

    My exact surprise seeing Billy Lindstein!

    I remember him at Int. He was very patient and kind with me personally. I thought he was a nice person.

    I’m so sad for Ohio. Whether or not their promotion is honest at all…that is my hometown and they need to leave it ALONE.

    Reply
  2. Alcoboy says

    June 23, 2022 at 9:12 pm

    Watched the Michael Chan video and all I got out of it was that the Chan Man(oops! Not supposed to call him that!) has a lisp. I mean, the dude talks like a mama’s boy! No kidding! And he’s supposed to be inspiring people?

    Reply
  3. Imaberrated says

    June 23, 2022 at 9:11 pm

    ANZO is a f***ing joke. Adelaide is particularly laughable. That outfit couldn’t pay their rent for months and months, and CLO started bailing them out. Brisbane, the city, is an important population centre in Australia, but the org was always Hicksville and underperforming. Perth got away with low stats by being conveniently far away from CLO. Sydney boomed for a while, because of the line into Taiwan. They weren’t servicing New South Wales. Melbourne unfortunately lost their ban on Scientology in the ‘60s.

    Reply
  4. GL says

    June 23, 2022 at 7:13 pm

    The cache of this travesty they “found” probably contains 1,000’s, if not 10,000’s, of unsold copies.

    Cacklecar Mirth has sold 5,000,000 copies in 40 years. GASP! GOSH!! WOW!!! INCREDIBLE!!!!

    Add your own single word of admiration below, just replace “blank”. I’ve added the exclamation marks to help you save time typing:

    blank!!!!!
    blank!!!!!!
    blank!!!!!!!
    blank!!!!!!!!

    One of the top three English-language novels of the 20th Century?

    https://web.stanford.edu/~bkunde/best/bl-crank.htm

    Bad Stanford. Naughty Stanford. How…how dare they not have his name in the top three…ooh…I’m so cross.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/20th_Century%27s_Greatest_Hits:_100_English-Language_Books_of_Fiction

    Rotten old wikipedia they don’t even mention the great one in the list at all.

    https://www.theguardian.com/books/2015/aug/17/the-100-best-novels-written-in-english-the-full-list

    I’m so shocked at HIS name not being on the list that I’m not going to read their horrible paper for the rest of the day.

    https://commonplacebook.com/art/books/reading-lists/random-house-modern-library-100-best-novels-reader/

    The note: “**Note from Steph: Consider the first ten entries, and ask yourself if the internet culties weren’t overloading the Modern Library online poll with votes. Damned Scientologists!…” says it all.

    Stacy Francis: She looks like her lips need a refill, they have a flat tyre look about them.

    Reply
  5. Fred G. Haseney says

    June 23, 2022 at 7:10 pm

    Re: How viable are scientology missions?

    It’s inexcusable for Rusty Florentz Hodgkin, Admin, of Scientologists: Entrepreneurial and Business Networking, to submit an ICSW ( incomplete Completed Staff Work).

    How do we know that the $3,000.00 will be used to ship books to the Scientology Mission of Batumi, Georgia?

    What’s the name of the freight company?

    Where are your three price quotes?

    Did you submit a Purchase Order to the Financial Planning Committee for this? It sounds like you’ll need to submit an Estimated Purchase Order; once approved, you can submit Purchase Orders off the approved Estimated Purchase Order.

    Or would you rather submit a Rush Purchase Order midweek and incur the usual 125%?

    Scientology does not make it easy for Scientologists to waste money. Hubbard wrote that some people think that an Org is nothing more than something to bleed.

    How do we know that you won’t be buying donuts and coffee (or…?) with that $3,000.00?

    Reply
  6. xTeamXenu75to03chuckbeatty says

    June 23, 2022 at 6:47 pm

    Has it been mentioned that this cache of Battlefield Earth 1st edition might have been a bulk purchase to jack up the NYT bestseller list standing of that first edition?

    I’ll bet that’s just a huge buy done at the release of Battlefield Earth, and now whoever the buyer(s) of the big trove was, is now doing a late in the game sell off.

    Stat pushing blast from the past, leftovers for resale.

    Reply
  7. Mat Pesch says

    June 23, 2022 at 3:55 pm

    Sad to see that Billy Lindstein is still trapped in the Sea Org mind f#@* after all these years. So much wasted potential.

    Reply
    • xTeamXenu75to03chuckbeatty says

      June 24, 2022 at 7:01 am

      Billy’s decency and qualities are exactly how Sea Org and Scientology are kept going.

      Scientology goes on due to the decency and skill of the staffs, and not from the merit of Hubbard’s crackpot ideas and the downsides to the Hubbard prejudices and draconian abusive rules that ruin the members’ lives.

      Some people lodge themselves, perch themselves, balanced, just “right”, and help hold the fort in Scientology land, despite the baked in abusive rules and ludicrous quackery being sold by the whole Scientology scam.

      Scientology “works” on the backs of decent very capable dupes who can’t see Scientology’s quackery and abusive control system outweigh any merit Scientology has.

      ————————-

      This is probably true of all abusive groups in human history.

      Reply
  8. PlanetshipT says

    June 23, 2022 at 3:50 pm

    Sometime in the 70’s my Mom made me a pet rock – complete with googly eyes and a toenail polish smile. It sits in my office perched on a copy of Asimov’s “i, robot”on the figured maple LED lit bookshelf I built for my favorite classic sci-fi and other treasures. My copy of “Battlefield Earth” sits on a bottom shelf downstairs in the “books too big to flush” section.

    I find it amusing that they ‘found a cache’ of first edition hardcover Battlefield Earth books. I’m assuming this cache is part of the units purchased by Scn to get that crap sandwich on the bestseller list.

    I remember reading hearsay from big box bookstores about receiving boxes of Dianetics with their own price tags already on the books inside the box. (Suggesting Scn bought books to pump up the sales figures then sent them back as ‘new’ to the same book store.) I don’t know if that’s true but it sure rings true.

    Reply
  9. ExScnStaff says

    June 23, 2022 at 3:16 pm

    Canberra stress test team at the … Psychic Fair? Hahaha, that’s the most honest placement I’ve seen, and probably a more receptive audience than elsewhere.

    That Criminon email has me boggling a bit. To be a Criminon Sup, “You don’t have to be a trained Sup.” I have to wonder if that is actually true, not from a Scientology viewpoint but from the legal entities who would be involved in authorizing Criminon access to inmates. The email doesn’t even clarify that they will train, instead making it sound more like all they’d be doing is answering emails a couple hours a week.

    Reply
  10. Peggy L says

    June 23, 2022 at 12:42 pm

    It’s been a while since I’ve read the Thursday Funnies and it makes me thankful – again – that wayyyy back when LRH’s book promo with the volcano was on TV (that was a great ad) I didn’t have any money for things like books. Otherwise I could have been sucked in.

    I watched a documentary on organized crime – the Mafia this time – and they said all they cared about was money, sounded very much like the cult.

    Reply
  11. Jere Lull says

    June 23, 2022 at 10:59 am

    Is Jessica the ONLY pretty girl they have? Guess so. Everyone else must be about my age — soon to be dumped on a park bench as downstat for being too feeble to keep the relentless pace up.

    Reply
  12. Jere Lull says

    June 23, 2022 at 10:56 am

    Planetary Clearing is happening
    Yeah, the planet’s being cleared –
    OF scientology.
    VWD Dwarfenführer®!

    Reply
  13. Geoff Levin says

    June 23, 2022 at 10:14 am

    As a zealot for almost 5 decades, looking at the promotions now is a clear statement of how much Scientology has contracted. The top speakers at events are nobody’s. The only people left in the cult are brainwashed mannequins. Thanks Mike for your continued exposure of Scientology’s lies and insanity.
    It’s working. The cherch is evaporating.

    Reply
  14. Rip Van Winkle says

    June 23, 2022 at 9:54 am

    Joy went a-huntin’ and she did ride Uh-huh
    Joy went a-huntin’ and she did ride Uh-huh

    Looking for an IAS award Uhh huh

    …

    Davy is prolly sponsoring her himself.

    Reply
  15. safetyguy says

    June 23, 2022 at 9:49 am

    Did a search for pictures inside a church of scientology. They were almost all the same.

    The lights were on but there was no one at home.

    Pretty common? Or are they scared to have pictures of what actually goes on out there?

    Just wondering.

    Reply
    • PeaceMaker says

      June 23, 2022 at 4:47 pm

      SG, I think they don’t want to show actual members who might later blow or be declared SP, which would cause them to have to scour and purge building photographs on websites. They’ve had the problem with some of the introductory and training films, and have resorted to using paid actors rather than scientologists in new videos.

      Reply
  16. otherles says

    June 23, 2022 at 9:23 am

    I thought LRH died over three decades ago, and he’s not coming back. I also believed British weather was lousy. I even commented on it in some fanfiction. (https://freelancetraveller.com/features/stories/ftm/index.html)

    It was a rare sunny day in Southern England when Allen Keller, a former First Lieutenant of the United States Army, stepped out of the taxi cab at the front gate of the Harlington-Straker Studios. He gave the taxi driver a one-hundred pound note and told him to keep the change.

    Reply
    • grisianfarce says

      June 23, 2022 at 4:24 pm

      £100 note? Ha ha ha. The currency tops out at £50, now featuring Alan Turing.

      Reply
      • otherles says

        June 23, 2022 at 6:04 pm

        From The Machine was a piece of fan fiction.

        Reply
      • Real says

        June 25, 2022 at 4:59 pm

        The Royal Bank of Scotland issues £100 notes

        Reply
        • grisianfarce says

          June 26, 2022 at 7:22 am

          So they do.

          Reply

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