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Thursday Funnies

May 7, 2015 By Mike Rinder 78 Comments

TC laugh

Epic, Sizzling

An ideal org briefing. Wow, wonder if it has ANYTHING to do with handing over money?

Screenshot (243)

 

Valley Hype

Seriously? When did the Valley become the center of the universe?

And if it IS the center of the universe, why do they only rate Hana-Li? Kinda low rent for a big time center of the universe sort of deal don’t you think?

VLY

 

Food, glorious food….

It’s the only way to get anyone to show up…

Screenshot (244)

 

MD

 

San Francisco sounds more appetizing than Nashville. If you are weighing your options for Mother’s Day, I would go for some crepes in SFO.

 

Some [un]impressive stats

6X 1 is 6, between TWO “ideal” orgs. Scientology are truly the masters of statistical management:

IMG_0061

Note my brother still mainlining the koolaid and working on others to do the same.

 

A gift from COB!

Wow, he actually gave them a gift?  I heard it reads: “I gave COB everything I own and all I got was this lousy T-shirt”

But what a status symbol!

EXTRA! EXTRA! 
READ ALL ABOUT IT
ALL OT Ambassadors and OT Committee Members,This Sunday, May 3rd, at 1:15pm in the auditorium there is a very special briefing from the OTVIII CS, Bob Anderson.  He is coming from the Freewinds specifically to brief us.  This is vital data and something you do not want to miss!!!!
 
After the briefing we are taking the annual Flag OT Committee picture for Maiden Voyage.  Do wear your new Blue T-Shirt for the Flag OT Committee if you have one.
 
If you do not have the new T-shirt let us know and we can make sure there are ones there for you, these are the T-shirts the Flag OT Committee received as a gift from Chairman of the Board last year after Maiden Voyage.
 
Please confirm you are coming by answering this email or texting 727-510-0046.
 
This is who are have confirmed so far, if you name isn’t here let me know!
Debbie Sharp
PES, Flag OTC

 

Free Stuff

It’s all they can get anyone to come in for.  ASHO, the org that used to be an org before it was prevented from performing any of its functions.

ASHO RUDS

 

OT VIII “and beyond” Tech C/S

Really? He C/Ses “beyond” OT VIII. Now this is a briefing I would LOVE to attend. I hope he has a Q and A session afterwards.

BOB

 

 

The First Ideal Continent

Their numbers are slipping. Less and less “humanitarians” are stepping up to the plate as the weeks go by. What a surprise.

DERBY

 

 

Blah blah blah

Does anyone really take this seriously? Cut and paste paras from the last 500 promotional items… But I do love the fact that “ideal orgs are making St Hill size orgs” — just look at LA! It was an ideal org for a decade and went nowhere. Then 200 SO members are put into it and it’s still going nowhere….

DONES

 

Cowabunga!

This is just embarrassing.

It also gives a bit of a guideline when you see their “fundraising stats” that they don’t mean anything like you might think they mean.

And just check out those awards. Raise 10 million for YOUR ideal org and we will give you a certificate and feature you in a newsletter!! Woohooo.

GAME

 

 

 

Sad Portland

Still muddling along. 10 Bridge steps completed each WEEK in this ideal org. That includes extension courses, introductory courses and retreads of everything from the Purif to Student Hat (which you can see is most of the people in this poster)

GATII

 

More food

The IAS is going low budget now too. Come for the cookies, stay for the crush regging.

IAS DESSERT

 

Dianetics Day

You know Miscavige isn’t involved in this event. Look, no hype. It’s NOT the most monumental event in history. It’s not “something every scientologist MUST attend.” It’s not “the biggest milestone in the history of stones.” Just a sad potluck dinner and a date and time.

MAY9

 

As much gain from reading books as from OT VIII

The claims just keep getting more bizarre. His pitch is that he got as much gain from reading books as he did from OT VIII. And a hell of a lot cheaper too!

But did you know you can achieve 8X study speed?  By learning how to read. My son reads 10 times faster than he did a year ago. That’s what a first Grade Education will do for you. Beats the GAT Student Hat for speed of study increase.

PAC ANNIV

 

Fund Raiser Costumes

Come one, come all. There is a photo shoot. The only time we ever get anyone to show up is for a fake photo to create the pretense that we are many more than we actually are. We know it will be presented as if this is “the Flag OT Committee” when it is really just the Flag photo op opportunists. But hey, we know everyone else does the same thing…

PHOTO

 

Michael Roberts

Heading for Phoenix. Hang on to your wallets.

PHX ROBERTS

 

 

I Stand Tall

After Going Clear, I wouldn’t want that to be promoted broadly….

POMERANZ

 

More IAS food

At leas their stock food shots look a bit more appetizing than cookies…. But if you eat the chicken, you are not leaving the room until you have forked over at least a Patron status.

SPRING IAS

 

Teaser

If you don’t have any food, offer mystery sandwiches.

TEASER

 

Even Sadder Twin Cities

They have two and they are so proud of that they put out a promotional piece…. And I would bet anything these are two “old timers” redoing the bottom of the Bridge according to GAT II.

SPRINT

 

Cambridge Postulates

I wonder if the staff of the org are going to be there. Their postulates for a big, booming org in their “ideal” org out in the middle of nowhere are really not sticking. They’re not even slightly tacky, let alone sticky.

POSTULATES

 

Scots Humor

Couldn’t let this one pass, it’s so off the wall. And frankly, it’s about as good a reason as any of the other garbage that is spewed about making planetary clearing a reality etc etc etc

SCOT

 

 

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Filed Under: Funnies, General Tagged With: funnies, Scientology

Comments

  1. Chuck Beatty says

    May 9, 2015 at 9:11 am

    Scientology’s COB: Hype Bomber with Iron Fistlets.

    Reply
  2. Chuck Beatty says

    May 9, 2015 at 9:09 am

    Cults used to use a lot of love bombing.

    Scientology’s gone solidly in the direction of hype bombing.

    Reply
  3. Chuck Beatty says

    May 9, 2015 at 9:07 am

    Scientology makes protest signs easy.

    Just paste in all their adjectives, and add “Dupes” as the sign’s last word.

    Reply
  4. Valhalkarie says

    May 8, 2015 at 11:30 pm

    ughhhh!! Stop infecting my beloved Scotland as if if produced LRH! All that hail from Scotland would toss cabers at his pick marked face!

    Reply
  5. Path of Buddha says

    May 8, 2015 at 5:31 am

    The pattern never changes – hype, a few completions, revise the level, hype.
    It was that way in 1972. It has not changed in 2015.
    The pattern never changes. Same old song.

    Reply
  6. Aquamarine says

    May 7, 2015 at 9:06 pm

    “Where is the real ‘new meat’ the going ‘ideal’ was supposed to bring thundering in?”

    That is precisely what I’m longing to ask some of these still-ins, who several years ago assured me that all that was needed were large, beautifully furnished new building renovated to Ideal Org standards and capable of delivering as LRH always intended and blah blah blah, and, presto, everyone would just flood in! There would be floods of new public then, and “all that we had to do”, was get the orgs Ideal, and the rest would take care of itself.

    Idiots.

    Idiots then, and idiots now.

    I have no more pity.

    Reply
  7. Lurr Kurr says

    May 7, 2015 at 8:49 pm

    Anyone notice that their promo is really startin’ ta look SUPER cheesy?

    Reply
  8. Kronomex says

    May 7, 2015 at 7:34 pm

    A gift from cob – “This is who are have confirmed so far, if you name isn’t here let me know!” I, uh, my brain hurts. The Clayton stats (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Claytons – scroll down to the “In popular culture” section for the meaning) almost always makes me laugh. Meaningless drivel.

    Reply
  9. WhiteStar says

    May 7, 2015 at 6:12 pm

    fun math of the day.

    if scientology had 1 million members they would be worth upwards of a TRILLION dollars.

    with a million members, if scientology got per member:

    $100 per = $100 million

    $1000 per = $1 billion

    $10,000 per = $10 billion

    $100,000 per = $100 billion

    $1,000,000 per = $1 trillion

    from what’s been pieced together the church’s estimated worth ranges from 1 to 3 billion dollars.

    if we figure each member on average will contribute $100,000. which likely is on the conservative side. then each 10,000 member block represents 1 billion dollars.

    that would suggest that at most scientology has 10 to 30 thousands members at most.

    and that is a generous analysis.

    when you factor in that whatever overhead costs they have are more than offset by the benefits of tax exemption and slave labor, the number of members it takes to reach a billion dollars shrinks significantly. while at the same time benefiting from property appreciation and interest earned on reserves.

    on a side note. can you imagine what groups that have a billion members are worth?

    goodness gracious is it any wonder we are surrounded and in the midst such things.

    Reply
  10. gorillavee says

    May 7, 2015 at 4:20 pm

    Building Expansion Dir EUS and OT VIII C/S FSSO don’t have names? I guess it’s easier that way – when they disappear, you won’t know what to put on the airplane banner. “What happened to what’s-his-name” just doesn’t have the same impact. Smart move, CoS!

    Reply
  11. Alanzo says

    May 7, 2015 at 3:03 pm

    Mike wrote:

    “But did you know you can achieve 8X study speed? By learning how to read. My son reads 10 times faster than he did a year ago. That’s what a first grade education will do for you. Beats the GAT Student Hat for speed of study increase.”

    LOL.

    Alanzo

    Reply
  12. John Locke says

    May 7, 2015 at 2:36 pm

    NOTHING says Mother’s Day like a disconnection letter from your scientology cult member children… 🙂

    Reply
  13. hgc10 says

    May 7, 2015 at 2:29 pm

    I know I’ve mocked this before, but I have to repeat my disdain for the booby prize “Awards” being offered for some stupid “game” (fundbegging push) on the Cowabunga! item.

    1. Proud Knowingness of Accomplishment
    2. Special commendation from Management
    3. Feature in next newsletter

    These are the be-shit and end-shit of all awards. How is “proud knowingness” an award? They actually want to take credit for granting you the good feeling you’ll allegedly have for forking over the dough to them. Truly presumptuous. Hubbard almighty on a Popsicle stick! That’s nuts!

    Next, who in “Management” is granting “special commendation?” Does Management refer to someone who has a name and title? What do I have to add to special commendation to pay for a bus ride across town? That’s how I measure the value. If I still have to come up with full bus fare out of my own pocket, then special commendation is worth the snot rag I just hocked a loogie at.

    Then there’s the feature in the next edition of the First Ideal Continent newsletter! For some reason, “next” followed by “first” breaks my concentration. I am derailed from contemplating the glory and adulation I will bask in when roughly a half dozen of my fellow captives will note that I was schlimazel enough to throw my precious liquid assets down a pit of infinite uselessness.

    Thank you for listening.

    This is true!

    Reply
    • Roger Hornaday says

      May 7, 2015 at 3:37 pm

      hgc10, your entheta attitude toward the surfing themed fundraiser is suppressive. Surfing is a great sport engaged in by athletes all over the world and it takes them to some of the most beautiful places on the planet like Australia, a highly prosperous democracy and home of the extraordinary kangaroo, an amazingly resourceful animal loved by people everywhere! 🙂

      Reply
  14. Rick Mycroft says

    May 7, 2015 at 2:15 pm

    Is Emmett Osborn’s expression supposed to be a smile? He looks like either painful constipation, the podium is touching a live wire, or he’s having a heart attack from having to do the Basics again.

    Go get the defibrillator kit just in case!

    Reply
  15. The Oracle says

    May 7, 2015 at 1:47 pm

    The Church of Scientology is actually David Miscavige’s home. Nobody else’s. He owns it.

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/scott-dannemiller/the-church-is-not-your-home_b_7217926.html?ncid=txtlnkusaolp00000592

    Reply
  16. Beryl says

    May 7, 2015 at 1:45 pm

    They quote LRH ad nauseam. Respecting the founder is a good thing, but the founder was emotionally unstable and often given to fits of rage and paranoia. I wonder why they do not tell this to the flock.

    Reply
    • FreeThePeople44 says

      May 7, 2015 at 1:56 pm

      The flock would dissolve if they knew about how he kidnapped his daughter with Sara Northrup and then told he cut her into pieces and tossed them in the river. He may have been cunning but that doesn’t make up for his sadistic behaviors.

      Reply
      • John Locke says

        May 7, 2015 at 2:41 pm

        FreeThePeople44. Unfortunately that isn’t true. Even many cult members who have left the church continue to be LRH’s cult followers AFTER learning these facts about El Con. Many even post on this blog. I’d say that up to 20% of the posters on here know these horrible facts and are STILL cult members.

        Shocking but true.

        Reply
  17. zemooo says

    May 7, 2015 at 1:39 pm

    So much cognitive dissonance in these funnies. Lroon’s ‘rule through statistics’ doesn’t do anything but add a layer of ‘oh, math, I will pass it by’ thoughts to the loyal minions. Where is the real ‘new meat’ the going ‘ideal’ was supposed to bring thundering in?

    By roping in all the loyal minions, ‘management’ gets to count noses and talk about who escaped or was too busy to come in. That is just some additional sec check money waiting to happen, unless the clams actually escape.

    Reply
  18. James Morris says

    May 7, 2015 at 1:35 pm

    My Lord!
    The giddiness and mutual masturbation is just too much to witness. Especially when I notice the underlying vacuousity of these never ending Events!

    Reply
  19. Thomas Weeks says

    May 7, 2015 at 1:26 pm

    Hana-li is talented… maybe not so much to represent the center of the universe though.

    Reply
  20. Wayne Borean aka The Mad Hatter says

    May 7, 2015 at 1:24 pm

    Seeing the posters got me thinking. Maiden voyage is just around the corner. What will the number of participants be, compared to last year, or for that matter other years?

    Valeska Paris might have an idea how many people went when she was on the Freewinds. You might have an idea to Mike (though you may not if you were stuck in the engine room).

    This is the first Maiden Voyage after Going Clear, and numbers going would be a way to chart the impact.

    Oh, and if the Church sells the ship, that would be an admission that they can no longer get enough people on board.

    Reply
    • Gus Cox says

      May 7, 2015 at 9:50 pm

      Ha ha, true – but the Church *can’t* sell that asbestos-laden garbage scow! I wonder if they could even find a breaker who would take it. I think Captains Napier and Miscavige’s only option is to steer that bucket out to sea and scuttle it.

      Reply
  21. Sid says

    May 7, 2015 at 1:22 pm

    Cambridge Org and Mick McCoy.

    Mick’s mother is the famous SP Betty McCoy of Edmonton Alberta Canada. She fought long and hard against the ‘cult’ of Scientology trying to save her son.
    http://www.holysmoke.org/cos/vow-fight.htm

    Mick’s son Rory is in the Sea Org and works out of the Cambridge Org.

    Mick’s ex-wife (and Rory’s mom) is an external DSA/OSA rep. She’s been trolling message boards for years.

    Reply
  22. Ronn S. says

    May 7, 2015 at 1:02 pm

    I recall an old saying, re; the cover photo collage, “He’s being his teeth.”

    Reply
    • outraged says

      May 7, 2015 at 2:59 pm

      hahaha. very good.

      Reply
    • Lars says

      May 8, 2015 at 4:53 am

      Those teeth are not his. They are implants in the front.

      Reply
  23. outraged says

    May 7, 2015 at 12:59 pm

    the opening Tom Cruise Collage is….well…..there are no words.
    Maybe frightening is the best. Just terrifying.
    he is a Duracell cruise control battery, that keeps going and going and going and going…..

    Reply
  24. UnderTheRadar says

    May 7, 2015 at 12:46 pm

    The big push now is on the training side. I think Andres, in the leaked audio Tony’s been featuring, makes an oblique reference to this and it’s what we’ve been hearing in the org as well. “The most advancement you can get is through training!” “If you’re not on course you’re not getting all the benefits possible.” “Training is where it’s at!!”

    It must be the new strategy to keep the money coming in.

    Reply
    • Gus Cox says

      May 7, 2015 at 9:47 pm

      It must have occurred to them that having people come into their clutches 5 course periods a week might make good pickin’s for all the goddamned regges that troll around there.

      Reply
      • Pepper says

        May 9, 2015 at 1:31 am

        Good point about having people around to reg but it also serves as a justification to get people to redo the Purif and Objectives, now SRD.

        Andreas makes the point that previously people were not spending 5 hours each day in the sauna or taking the 5000mg of Niacin. Also that they weren’t getting in a full 12 hour intensive per week to make “real gains.”

        Regarding “the training” Andeas meant that when a person audits another, he is out flowing and this is therapeutic for the being, to help another and not just inflow for self. So each student on SRD learns how to audit the process on his twin. That’s about it as far as any training goes there.

        He said a lot more interesting things I would love to go into but it’s a whole other topic.

        Reply
    • Robert Almblad says

      May 7, 2015 at 10:00 pm

      Andreas was just saying that training at the bottom of the “bridge” is where it’s at….no actual auditor training is being done, just doing objectives, SRD and Purif. These are things that LRH never did himself, as far as I know.

      Reply
  25. Idle Morgue says

    May 7, 2015 at 12:40 pm

    The gobbly gook that comes out of the minds of Scientologist’s is never ending bullshit…

    “LRH had a love of Scotland”….

    LRH had a LOVE OF MONEY!

    “Make money and get others to make money”….LRH

    Reply
  26. basketballjane says

    May 7, 2015 at 12:19 pm

    Oh an additionally that surfer at the top of the Cowabunga image is Kelly Slater. NOT a Scientologist but the #1 Surfer on the planet. Be sure to tweet him a copy of it like I did and let him know he is being used as a Scientology puppet. @kellyslater

    Reply
  27. John Doe says

    May 7, 2015 at 11:51 am

    First, ASHO quietly ceases delivering the briefing course, it’s very raison d’être.

    Then, the foundation org is collapsed into the day org.

    Other than the general decline and shrinkage of the entire Scn network, I figured ther HAD to be another reason to dismantle and shrink ASHO.

    Then it occurred to me: If ASHO is squashed and shrunk to the point of being a tiny, irrelevant org, then <<ALL Orgs cans suddenly be Saint Hill Sized!

    [Cue Dr. Evil laugh]

    Reply
  28. Pepper says

    May 7, 2015 at 11:49 am

    Don’t be fooled by the “Free Rudiments Session” at ASHO. All of the orgs are desperately trying to get people to come back in and do their new and improved Purification RD and SRD. They want every single soul who’s ever bought a book to get into the org, right now.

    The problem is that there are lots of people who don’t want to redo their Purif and Objectives, no matter what David Miscavige has to say about it. Therefore, there is “something wrong” with those people. They might be “disaffected or PTS”. And the org wants to know who they are, and what exactly is being said. It seems that AHSO has been assigned this task in order to solve a problem for PAC Base, and to find out what’s going on with the LA public.

    Reply
    • Zana says

      May 7, 2015 at 6:53 pm

      Has DM re-done (or even done) HIS Purif and/or objectives?

      Reply
    • Pete2 says

      May 7, 2015 at 8:16 pm

      Yes they texted me and said we have 250 people on SRD and do you know anyone that could be a twin. I replied No but if you have 250 people on SRD then why are you looking for twins? Then he asked if I was coming in. I said no I had already completed my objectives and wasn’t interested in going back down the bridge. He said OMG you haven’t been briefed on GATII!!!!! I replied yes I have. 🙂

      Reply
      • Pepper says

        May 9, 2015 at 1:15 am

        Pete2

        We seem to think alike. I would have asked the exact same question about the twin and given the exact same answer about Objectives. In fact, I already did!

        Reply
  29. Pepper says

    May 7, 2015 at 11:35 am

    AHSO did used to be an org before it was prevented from performing any of its functions.

    AHSO stopped being an org way back when the IAS took it over. Certain IAS regges started dressing in all black and would lurk the hallways outside the Academy and practical rooms, watching the students. They would make the supervisors call for briefings and haul the students out of the courseroom and into the hallway, where the reg would stuff donation envelopes into the students hands. If a student refused to open his or her hand to take the donation envelope, the reg would physically force the students fingers open and push the envelope into the hand, like “there!”.

    The reges would also accost students as they headed to and fro the parking lot and harass you for money. Good luck getting in and out of the org without being grabbed by a reg who insists that you “must” attend a briefing after course. When what you really need to do is either get to work, or home to your family and on with your day or evening.

    Somehow, when you’re a Scientologist who’s on training and desires to study, this becomes an obstacle to your goal. It’s quite obnoxious. It was very sad to see the AHSO supervisors and tech team kowtow to these black-clothes-wearing reges. They were afraid of them, and it was clear that they didn’t like this activity one bit but couldn’t do anything about it. The lion sculpture on the steps of ASHO should have been altered into a mouse. AHSO had gone far south with the IAS takeover and since GATII, with no more Briefing Course or Auditor training to speak of, ASHO has since disappeared from what we once knew it to be.

    R.I.P. AHSO.

    Reply
    • Robert Almblad says

      May 7, 2015 at 9:47 pm

      Pepper

      I knew a course supervisor at ASHO in 2008 time frame who confirmed what you said… he quit because of this IAS invasion of his course room, which was totally off policy, but he remained a koolaid drinker even after he left..

      When all of Scientology is gone out of Scientology, why does anyone stay?

      Reply
      • dr mac says

        May 8, 2015 at 1:11 am

        I saw the same or worse at Flag. When course ended, the IAS regges were already standing by blocking exists and the course sup would enforce that everybody stayed, taking up 15-20 minutes of our lunch or dinner break. I took to sitting near the emergency exit as I’d sussed I could slip out there. But even as a koolaider at the time I couldn’t help but wonder at the violation of what is a courseroom policy.

        Reply
      • Pepper says

        May 8, 2015 at 10:23 pm

        Thank you Robert. It’s good to know that others felt the same way. It was very off policy! Now why some people keep drinking the KA, well we can only wonder.

        Reply
  30. pedrofcuk says

    May 7, 2015 at 11:29 am

    Technically, Ron wasn’t a Hubbard. His father was adopted by the Hubbards and was actually a Wilson. There is a Wilson clan too if that helps.

    Reply
  31. Roger Hornaday says

    May 7, 2015 at 11:27 am

    Cowabunga!!!!!! Get out your longboards for a sunny day at the beach surfing with all the dudes and dudettes!!!! Well, maybe not exactly but that’s the THEME!!!!!! It’s a FUNDRAISER where you get out your CHECKBOOK!!! And compete to see who can write the biggest check so YOUR Org can WIN the game of seeing who can get the most money!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Satisfaction Awards will be given out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not to mention a SPECIAL COMMENDATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    This is how stupid David Miscavige thinks you are!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Reply
  32. Potpie says

    May 7, 2015 at 10:47 am

    Emmett Osborn got as much case gain on the basics as other bridge actions? That’s nice but the sad part is
    he probably still can’t audit someone across from him. I always get a kick out of how people think they are training when they do the basics but yet probably can’t audit. Training years ago ment learning how to audit.
    And speaking of training, I was on the BC with David Morse in’76-’77. Now he just finished CL IV? Sorry I
    keep forgetting that training back then don’t mean a thing without the GAT bling. Keep plugging away Dave, you might just get back up to doing the BC again…..but wait the BC isn’t being delivered anymore. Try to remember the good ole days on the BC Dave cuz that is as close as your gonna get. Oh and keep calling those 3 swing fn’s. That is Miscavige’s greatest tool to overrun pc’s and keep your tr’s out in session….hence no auditing. What a grand plan you chose to follow David Morse…..shame on you.

    Reply
    • Aquamarine says

      May 7, 2015 at 5:12 pm

      With apologies to Duke Ellington, when it comes to David Miscavige’s auditing tech, “It don’t mean a thing if it ain’t got three swings, doo-wah doo-wah doo-wah doo-wah doo-wah doo-wah”.

      Reply
  33. basketballjane says

    May 7, 2015 at 10:36 am

    Apparently Dublin didn’t get the memo that May 9th is no longer the Anniversary of Dianetics and no one cares. But both Nashville and Phoenix are ON TARGET to rake in some IAS dough as one should celebrating Dianetics. But Phonenix Org seems to have not one but TWO events happening at the same time at the same place. One for the IAS starring Michael Roberts and the other a CCHR Dinner! But remember the IAS and CCHR have nothing to do with each other and CCHR IS NOT part of Scientology. No no NO!

    Reply
  34. M Greene says

    May 7, 2015 at 10:25 am

    Can’t wait to find out how many at the maiden voyage.

    Reply
  35. Chee Chalker says

    May 7, 2015 at 10:02 am

    As an American born Scot, I believe I speak for the entire country of Scotland when I say to LRH “get the hell out.”

    And what is with the whole ‘Done’ thing? It was so anticlimactic (and just plain stupid sounding) when COB saluted the creepy poster of LRH and said “Sir, Done” at the ‘War is Over’ celebration.

    How about “Sir, Mission Accomplished!”……or ” Sir, Action Complete!”……….ANYTHING other than ‘Sir Done’. One would think the Shermanator could come up with something a little more razzmatazz than ‘Done’

    Reply
    • Pepper says

      May 7, 2015 at 11:55 am

      “DONE!”

      They cannot get off that word / concept can they? So cliche, for so long now.

      Reply
  36. SILVIA says

    May 7, 2015 at 10:01 am

    Impressive – a T Shirt for a whole years work as recognition from the leader…WOW. speechless.

    And 50,000 for the 8th anniversary of the basics. but, 50,000 what? Flaps, inches of bad press, parishioners duped into giving money? Any other ideas?

    Reply
    • Kelly says

      May 7, 2015 at 11:36 am

      You seem to misunderestimate the “Knowingness of Accomplishment”. Truly that is beyond calculation.

      Reply
  37. Wu-Tang-Clam says

    May 7, 2015 at 9:55 am

    I wonder if Kelly Slater knows he’s the new pin up boy for CoS……I’d say not

    Reply
    • Old Surfer Dude says

      May 7, 2015 at 10:32 am

      I was thinking the same thing! I met Kelly once. Very, very nice guy and one of the top 5 surfers on Teegeeack. I don’t know how to contact him, but, someone should make the effort to let him know the cult is using his picture to promote one of their initiatives. BTW, I do believe the picture is from Pipeline on the north shore of Oahu.

      Reply
      • TinyTyrant says

        May 7, 2015 at 1:13 pm

        I noticed that too. COS, stingy about their images, even the ones they modify, but willing to steal others to promote their goofy events. I bet he has an agent. I’ll try and track him/her down.

        Reply
      • TinyTyrant says

        May 7, 2015 at 1:26 pm

        Kelly Slater’s agent is Terry Hardy who works at Sonar Entertainment. Their website had a contact email form. Hopefully, the info will get to the right person.

        Reply
    • satansthetan says

      May 7, 2015 at 11:05 am

      I know, and isn’t that Jordy Smith popping an air on the bottom of the flier?

      Reply
  38. Semper Phi says

    May 7, 2015 at 9:55 am

    Notice that the Phoenix IAS Spring Dinner is going to celebrate a supposed milestone win that happened “on CCHR lines.” So basically, they’ll be taking full credit for a “milestone win” that they had no real part in achieving except that they had a small foothold on the bandwagon. But it does work well for fundraising! (Or so they hope…)

    Reply
  39. Gimpy says

    May 7, 2015 at 9:52 am

    On the WUS poster the two posing in the photo are described as MVP, interestingly this acronym is said to stand for Minimum Viable Product, as it’s Thursday Funnies I think it could equally be this:
    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0196106/

    Are the two David Pomerantz tunes listed really hits? I’d be very surprised if anyone outside of cult HQ has even heard of them. To be fair he has had some success in the past but I’m pretty sure these two songs were not part of his award winning line up.

    Reply
    • Doug Parent says

      May 7, 2015 at 12:24 pm

      Had David Pomeranz ever joined the Sea Org, none of the accomplishments list below would have protected him from Miscavige. he would have been stomped into the ground like Peter Schless. (Who would have probably been given an “IAS Freedom medal” himself had he never joined the SO)

      Pomeranz’s songs include “Tryin’ to Get the Feeling Again” and “The Old Songs”, both recorded by Barry Manilow, and a cover of “It’s In Every One Of Us”, from the Dave Clark musical Time which was also featured in the film Big and later at the 1988 Summer Olympics in Seoul, Korea. His work has been performed by artists as diverse as Bette Midler, Phoebe Snow, Freddie Mercury, Richie Sambora, Missy Elliott, The Carpenters, Harry Belafonte, Andrea Marcovicci, Donna Summer, Lillias White, The Hollies and Cliff Richard, and his various songwriting projects have amassed a total of twenty-two platinum and eighteen gold albums.

      Pomeranz has composed for feature films, television (earning a 1981 Emmy Award nomination for Outstanding Achievement in Music and Lyrics for the CBS television movie Homeward Bound[2]), and the stage, including the hit West End musical Time; Little Tramp, based on the life and career of Charles Chaplin, staged for the 1995 Eugene O’Neill Theater Festival in Waterford, Connecticut and presented in a 1996 concert version in St. Petersburg, Russia; and a musical adaptation of A Tale of Two Cities, produced by Bill Kenwright for the Theatre Royal, Windsor (1998) and the Alexandria Theatre in Birmingham (1999). With Kathie Lee Gifford he has written two projects, Under The Bridge, which premiered off-Broadway in January 2005, and Saving Aimee, based on the life of evangelist Aimee Semple McPherson, which debuted at the White Plains Performing Arts Center in October 2005 and was staged at the Signature Theatre in Arlington, Virginia in April–May 2007. In 2012, Saving Aimee was renamed to Scandalous and opened on November 15, 2012 in the Neil Simon Theatre on Broadway in New York City.[3]

      Reply
  40. hgc10 says

    May 7, 2015 at 9:23 am

    Let’s compare:

    Mary Kay Cosmetics — Get a pink Cadillac

    Scientology — Get a friggin’ t-shirt

    Reply
    • zemooo says

      May 7, 2015 at 1:27 pm

      And they are year old, left over t-shirts that even COB didn’t want. They probably already have sweat stains on them

      Reply
  41. RolandRB says

    May 7, 2015 at 9:23 am

    I twinned with David Pomeranz once. A very nice guy. But he didn’t “stand tall” in the physical sense.

    Reply
  42. anonsparrow says

    May 7, 2015 at 9:11 am

    That’s Kathy Reeves in the Portland pictures. She and her family were at the DC org for at least 20 years. She was the one who had her letter published in the SP Times as part of their epic installment on forced abortions in the Sea Org.

    Kathy left the Sea Org after she got pregnant by Tad Reeves (Father is Richard Reeves and complicit in John Boucher’s suicide. Apparently Richard convinced him real good that he was an SP, as evidenced by his suicide letter.)

    Kathy had only great things to say about her treatment upon leaving the Sea Org. She said everyone was SOOOOO supportive. They congratulated her and wished her the best of luck when she left.

    Pft.

    I called her out on that the next protest I saw her. I told her she should be ashamed of herself for lying to the press and for the terrible disservice she did to those other women.

    And now she’s in Portland.

    Congratulations on your Relief Release, Kathy. You’ve been on the Bridge for 30+ years and you have finally attested to Grade II. Hip Hip Hooray!

    Reply
  43. dr mac says

    May 7, 2015 at 9:08 am

    I remember being on OT6 with Emmet Osborn and he never missed an opportunity to describe himself as a Standard Tech Nazi. I wonder where he stands now? How does the most standard of the most standard sleep at night reconciling himself with what is going on with the Bridge? Or like the other Nazis did he have a Nuremberg and recant? Was that Nuremberg in the form of DLHDM?

    Reply
    • Tony Agudo says

      May 7, 2015 at 12:23 pm

      From what he said in a recently leaked GAT II testamonial video(he’s the last guy in the vid), he seems to have gone the Nuremberg/DLHDM route: http://tonyortega.org/2015/04/19/another-wacky-scientology-testimonial-video-and-an-underground-bunker-announcement/

      Reply
  44. Graham says

    May 7, 2015 at 9:02 am

    How about “Celebrate Mothers’ Day by phoning your mother”? Bloody hypocrites.

    Reply
    • Chee Chalker says

      May 7, 2015 at 10:03 am

      Phone your mother…..unless she’s been declared……

      Reply
      • cindy says

        May 7, 2015 at 11:48 am

        Then that leaves out most of them.

        Reply
      • hohotai says

        May 7, 2015 at 12:24 pm

        Funny and gut-wrenching at the same time.

        Reply
    • Monkeyknuckler says

      May 7, 2015 at 10:21 am

      Finally something good outta the CO$. A Mother’s day reminder. That was close, I might have ended up in the DH.

      Reply
    • FreeThePeople44 says

      May 7, 2015 at 12:09 pm

      “Happy mother’s day to all the women were not forced to have an abortion”

      Reply
    • Lawrence says

      May 7, 2015 at 1:31 pm

      It does not really matter how many new false advertisements the Church of Scientology has and is coming up with to display to recruit new members. The environment of just about ANY Church of Scientology one has ever gone to, been in or been smart enough to walk past is unfriendly. The atmosphere of the churches are unwelcoming. I cannot imgane myself making any kind of case gain in a Church of Scientology. Like the advertisements posted here, all the Church of Scientology is these days is a collection of “pretty” pictures. 🙂

      Reply
    • Steph says

      May 7, 2015 at 7:53 pm

      I noticed that Nashville Org’s Mother’s Day celebration is a “Potluck” … so not only will Mom’s be bored and then regged within an inch of their lives, they have to find time to COOK a dish and bring it. Probably have to buy their own paper plates and serving dishes. Happy Mom’s Day. Really.

      Reply
      • Kenneth says

        May 9, 2015 at 1:11 am

        Their Thanksgiving and Christmas were also potluck. I don’t think they have enough revenue to buy food. They did have toilet paper when I visited last November though.

        Reply
  45. Nevermore (@JaelLyne1) says

    May 7, 2015 at 8:51 am

    Oh Fearless Leader, please stop telling the world that you’re in Scotland!

    Reply

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