ASHO
Come and train on “the Basics” at ASHO.
It’s all they’ve got….
Strange though because ASHO isn’t for new public, so how is it that 8 YEARS after the release of the Basics that were the “big thing” everyone had to do in 2007, there are still people who haven’t done them?
Stage an OTC Meeting for MV!
There’s nothing like some group agreement that everyone is going to fake it for MV. It’s like an arms race. If you don’t fake it, you will look bad by comparison as everyone knows everyone fakes it.
Hi Team Valley,
It is needed to have more footage of Valley and the work we have done with our alliance OTCs. Obviously Valley will be highlighted A LOT in this year’s MV.
We need as many of you as possible. It will be at the AO Atrium on Sunday the 17th of May, at 4:00 pm and it will not last long. I know this is short notice but please try to arrange being there. We need a very crowded, crowded atrium. GOLD will be there filming and we need to have a packed room for this. This is needed for MV so is super important and exciting for Valley!
Here’s an idea. You can plan on having dinner down in Hollywood, where there are some great restaurants, a change of pace–(I’ll even recommend a few) and right after we finish filming, go eat!!! Make an evening of it.
It will save me precious time if you reply and let me know that you’ll be there. Otherwise if there are not enough people we will have to spend time calling people. Just come! It will be fun.
Love,
Kathy
Jenna Capozzi speaks
Whoever she is? Looks like a promo shot for a turquoise jewelry store.
The All-In-One Miracle Cure
Who needs anything else when you can become total cause, have unlimited energy, resolve all failed purposes just by running around a pole.
Plus you get cool sneakers, shorts, tshirt and bag that set you apart in the status stakes that is scientology.
The Greatest Ideal Org Movement on Earth
Well, sort of. After 12 years of trying, this doesn’t seem that great. But sometime “in the future” they ARE going to “build a new civilization” but they have to build their new building first.
Over-the-top. Sensational. Blow-away. Exhilarating. Use enough adjectives and failure = success. It’s standard tech.
Do it for Dave!
We are going to present this to “COB” for “MV” along with a bunch of other bogus stuff. And in return, he is going to tell us a whole lot of bogus stuff. It will be a big ole bogus love boat cruise (with vampires).
Food, glorious food
It wouldn’t be Thursday funnies without a bunch of “come in for free food so we can reg you” promo. At least they upgraded their stock shots from cookies to scones and cream. Couldn’t find anything to replace the chicken nuggets shots though…
The IAS is on the march
All over the world. They are pulling out all the stops. Gotta get their stats up for MV to present to “COB.”
“Mr.” Chilli EB
Sort of like “Mr.” Cruise.
Wonder if Marvel Action Figure Mr Chill and financial guru Bruce Wiseman can do anything about the $100,000+ unpaid property taxes on the org they are going to be in front of?
Why not more?
Why only 18 auditing rooms? Why not 180 auditing rooms? And 1620 seats in the Academy? Or 16,200?
They use one part time currently. But once they raise the money, of course they will be flooded with auditors and people wanting auditing. Just like Dallas. And everywhere else.
Pie in the sky is pie in the sky. Why not splurge on it?
Food, glorious food II
Are they really financing PAC Base Crew by running a cafe? Apparently. And because everyone sits right outside, maybe someone should swing by on Friday night and check out how many Chicken Kiev’s they have dished up (I will say, PBC does a better job of selecting their food stock shots than the IAS).
The First Scientology City
Still nothing happening 2 years on… I wonder what they are “celebrating”?
Spring is sprung
Why do they even bother with TWO graduations? They might have one or two graduates per week…
Phoenix is rising
Not really. But they sure could use something to make their goals a reality.
The Book of the Dead
At least drained. You can get your name in a commemorative publication (until someone is declared and then all copies will be collected up and destroyed)
Make more money...
…to give to us so we can get the commission.
And finally…
The seminar everyone has been waiting for.
David Miscavige is doing a seminar on his successful actions.
A fist to the face gets you where you need to go.
(Apparently Martin Sherman is his nom de guerre…, or there is some terrible mix up)
Could you publish a glossary for the uninitiated to make sense of all the abbreviations?
Hypeology. Learn the Joy of Hype, feel better, live better. Become a Hypeologist!
What’s all this “weekending” in one of the publications, when they must have meant “week ending”? For Ron’s Sake, back to Student Hat everyone!
And building those auditing and other rooms — that’s the way to clear KC? Um. No. That’s the way to build rooms. That’s all.
I love the picture of the dog in his flying costume, which I hope he didn’t have to spend too much time in. But seriously, why do people put clothing on their dogs? I was out the other day and saw several dogs dressed up. Two in skirts and one in a dress. Dogs don’t want to wear clothes. They want back or belly rubs and want to roll in the grass. I felt bad for those dogs in the skirts and dresses. They looked miserable.
Tiredness and exhaustion can be psychic but there is a much simpler fix than trying to figure out which goals and postulates are not being fulfilled. The solution is to get off the couch or chair you’re parking yourself on for hours at a time and move. Bodies are made for action. When the muscles of the body are not being used on a regular basis, they atrophy and become tight. This will affect a person’s mood, energy, and give them aches and pains. Doctors or LRH can’t fix this for you; it’s something you need to take charge of and do for yourself.
You saved the best for last. That made me laugh!
While I’m a WOG who has followed CoS coverage, blogs, books etc., frequently, I had a brain dump when I saw the “MV” in the funnies ads until later down when it spelled out Maiden Voyage. Until then my brain was substituting “More Victims” as an interior substitute. After I got to the abbreviation, or rather acronym I guess, spelled out and it clicked… I decided to stick with my substitute verbiage as it seems a likely description for many who will be aboard. More victims of give us money. What do you think?
I think you’re right!
Mm, Chicken Kiev, straight out of the supermarket freezer at $1.00 (or less) each in bulk. Love the photo shopped image outside the Portland Morgue. It should read “The Book of the Dud”. The cherch is becoming more desperate week by week.
The fist of David Miscavige aimed at my face: “How to Succeed at Anything”.
“Let’s let them know they are not welcome here.” That’s the church’s message to the American Psychiatric Association whom they wish to publicly dislike in a protest march envisioned to fill the streets of Toronto. I’m giving the David Miscavige Infinity of Denial Award to “Toronto!!! March With Me.” This promo could stand as an outline for a book on dumbness. This isn’t a good time for $ci-fi-dollargy to be saying things like, “You’re not welcome here”, etc. The A.P.A. isn’t a beloved institution but it’s not the religion everybody loves to hate.
Of course the protest is meant to garner support among the public so “we can all band together” against the bad guys, the psychiatrists. That’s in a whole new dimension of lame. Interestingly in their long list of accusations against the psychs, missing is the accusation that the psychs have covertly orchestrated for the downfall of the church for seventy years.
One more Scientology spoof that made me laughs I saw today. “Tim and Eric’s Zone Theory” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ClvX7ED8UUI I think I would rank Scientology somewhere between Palin and North Korea on irreparable PR shitshows.
Someone ought to ask Martin Sherman about his multiple foreclosures and other financial problems. Keep auditing and training Martin, those are just illusions of the physical universe. Very entheta.
Re Portland, I’d love for Mark “Prunes” Bunker to catch up with Gwen Barnard to see how things are going 2 years later. Shouldn’t the deeds have been turned over to the Int Landlord by now? I wonder how she feels about that… https://youtu.be/oMPeX2blT9E
Can someone please enlighten me, looking at all the “humanitarian” titles, including “with honors”, “silver”, “gold”, “platinum”, and the weirdest sounding one, “new civilization builders”, what kind of money does someone have to hand over to be “honored” this way???
Regarding the CCHR event in Toronto, I live in Ontario and I did not see anything in the media about this that didn’t come from the CCHR itself. Their “high octane freedom fighter” did not impress Torontonians apparently!
Maybe someone needs to Chill Out.
With Chili Beans?
A promo piece that features a photo of a well tailored suit with a fist is certainly a picture that is worth 1000 words.
It looks to me that Miscavige’s Freudian slip is showing.
The Col that saved Columbia and now he’s speaking all about it in Cincinnati. That would be hilarious if he weren’t so close to home.
Goddamn these guys are getting to be too much. Anyone else notice the sense of panic over at the Valley? Urgent important urgent urgent (before we get hung).
I wonder if they will get it funded by MV 2016? I really don’t see why Nancy can’t just kick in the balance. For gawds sake, it can only be a few million more that they need and any OT VIII worth their salt should be able to mock that up in their sleep.
You know, Coop, I wondered about that myself. Why can’t Oh Tees create, out of thin air, dollar bills? I mean, isn’t that one of their SUPER POWERS? Poof! There a 100 dollar bill!
I guess love bombing tech has some workability.
I guess the ASHO staff Still haven’t realized that ASHO doesn’t exist. I wonder where they are?
So wealthy scientologists (Humanitarians in sci double speak) are the only ones getting anything done?
Exactly what more do these people need to see and hear to realize, scientology does not exist anymore!?
Train where the PROS Train!?! Are you kidding me. You have to be a newbie to not see the ridiculousness o this ad. No BC?!? How can anyone in their right mind think even LRH would go for this.
Next! “…need to have more footage of valley and the work we have done…” Sigh. I mean they are getting to the point where they don’t even hide their desperation. The next ad will say, “Please please PRETTY please come in and make it look like there is anyone at Valley that gives a shit. We need to make David Miscavige, our COB, happy and even though he knows the picture and video is a lie, he doesn’t care. He is happy if he knows we are cowering to his will! Let’s do it folks! Let’s all cower!”
IAS and Colonel Prado! Oi! Wonder how much they pay this guy to do their bidding! I think he started out with good intentions and has become totally hoodwinked by the notoriety and accolades. Get out Colonel Prado while you still have a soul.
Another cringe-worthy picture. I just HAVE to comment on the “100 Humanitarians Maiden Voyage ad with #33 – Dr. Henry-Ward.” All I could hear when I saw this was, “Wear your formal attire!” I use to wonder what the hell for. Look at those poor people in their formals sitting in cheap chairs, eating with their plates on their laps. AND they look so happy. (eye roll)
Hype Hype and More Hype.
Great post, McCarran. One of my pet peeves when still in was the mandate for us to wear formal attire at events. In return, we got to stand in line jostling one another for a plate of poorly prepared baked ziti or some other cheap, red sauce “cuisine”. For our viewing pleasure, we got to sit for 3 hours watching a boring, repetitive, thunderingly loud video. As further reward for showing up dressed black tie, we also submitted to being placed around and carefully shepherded together by the Border Collies aka the appointed Sea Org females, who would be tricked out in their thrift shop finery and strutting around with this air of immense importance as if we were all at the Academy Awards or something. While suffused with dull, crashing boredom yet pretending with my pasted on smile that this was all just so wonderful, I used to amuse myself by privately mocking up how much fun it would be to be able to just make myself invisible at will. To just vanish whenever I had the urge, and pop up somewhere else, usually closer to the door. Frequently when I was buttonholed by some staff or SO, to buy something or whatever, the smile I had on my face when I comm’ed was coming from my go-to day dream of how cool it would be to just disappear right then, right in the middle of the comm cycle.
Of course, if I had the power to make myself appear and disappear at will, I could easily just vanish out of the event altogether in one shot. But you see, after a couple of decades, these events brought out an unexpected, latent sadistic streak in me, and so I considered that to begin disappearing and reappearing, several times, in front of various people, all the while making my way toward the door, and concluding with the person guarding the door, would be far more mind-blowing for all of them and fun for me.
” , after a couple of decades, these events brought out an unexpected, latent sadistic streak in me, ”
I love that about you Aqua! Can’t figure out why! 🙂
Sadism Aqua style! I love that about you too! Can’t get enough of that funky stuff!
And if enough people don’t show up we’ll just spend our time making calls??!!
I love watching em’ squirm. But how long can they keep this farce going? Evidently for a while. I’m just keeping my hopes positive that Monique Rathbun gets a fair judge. When I say watch ’em squirm, I’m actually referring to’ Mighty Mouse’ as I affectionately refer to him
This flyer from Inglewood has me amazed. Its so 1.5. Inglewood, I understand, is a largely African-American community, and this flyer invitation pictures a faceless white man in a suit with a clenched fist ready to punch someone. “Success is easy”. OMG.
Is this image supposed to epitomize the “winning valence”, i.e. white, corporate America’s hold on the beaten down, poor underclasses, something like that?
I’m not African-American (paying attention, OSA?) but if I were, I doubt this image would entice me to attend this seminar on how easy success its.
I would take this pitch as a downright insult.
Its just offensive, that’s all, to anyone with any sensibilities.
One of the main reasons I’m out of this cult is the embarrassment, stronger than any other emotion – the embarrassment of anyone linking me to it.
I grew up about 15 minutes from Inglewood, it is definitely not an affluent community, very surprised that Scientology decided to locate there, since the church is all about targeting people who will give up their hard-earned money…and p.s., you shouldn’t be embarrassed, cults are powerful things. I was never in, and I have endless admiration for all of you who were strong enough to get out and courageous enough to speak out!!
“Otherwise if there are not enough people we will have to spend time calling people.”
Translation: don’t make the Sea bOrg press gang your thetan and BTs. That threat isn’t even veiled.
What will they do if you plan to attend while ‘exterior’? “Didn’t you see me? I was 3 feet behind your head,” “You must have postulated incorrectly, I sent the check telepathically.”
Thetan jewelry!!! Who knew? Lmao
Oh, Lori, don’t be so cynical! My Body Thetans look FABULOUS in their Thetan jewelry! It gives them self esteem. My BTs wouldn’t be caught DEAD without it!
I am very pleased you are keeping them.
TT, I don’t leave home without them…
OMG! It is all over ‘cept for the guy who sweeps up after the curtain falls and the lights get turned out.
I know, John! Isn’t it just fantastic! I’m positively giddy!
Interesting to see that Co$ broadcast multiple national ads last night during the final episode of Late Night with David Letterman. Is that why Letterman did not press John Travolta on Scn abuses in a recent interview on his show?
I doubt it. Probably more just good manners. Travolta, himself exhibits good manners while he denies that his own little Hitler is anything other than a really nice guy who just wants to help.
Why do their photos of crowds always look so fake?
Maybe because they are???
What exactly is Ruben Romero holding? I recently went to the Half Price Bookstore and looked for books on Scientology.(My daughter was amused by the horror on the sales associate’s face when I asked where books on Scientology where. She directed me away from the Religion section to Philosophy.) Someone here had recommended I read Science of Survival, but I didn’t want to spend ten bucks on a book I would only read once. While I was looking at Audio Books I saw a lot of different sets like the one he is holding. Nice packaging and full of various items inside. I had no idea what they were exactly. The Science of Survival one was less than ten, but I wasn’t sure if it was a book or just something that went along with the various books. I thought it was funny to see how many of these were at HPB. Looks like people wanted to get rid of them.
There’s quite a few Scilon books at the HPBs here as well (Seattle area). I saw a nice old copy of Creation of Human Ability that would I was thinking of getting for the lulz but I thought $18 was way too much.
And I just stumbled upon a mission in Redmond. I had no idea I had been driving past it for 3 years because it looks like a normal house with same 2 cars parked out front every day. The tiniest little sign out front says “Hubbard Dianetics Center/Church of Scientology” and there’s a stress test sign obscured by bushes.
Ruben Romero is holding a newer course pack and all I can see on the title is Professional and Course. Ruben has been around PAC base for a long time and I found what he had to say in his success story interesting.
Ruben says that now he can communicate with his neighbors. He says that before he thought they were strange and only had an idea of what they might be like from TV or movies. I’m not sure why he thought like this about his neighbors; maybe Ruben is shy, or maybe the neighbors come from another country, speak a different language or come from a culture he’s not familiar with. Who knows?
The good thing here is that Ruben sounds like he might be opening himself up to people outside of Scientology. He says that he sees that people are not so different after all. He’s one step closer to real autonomy and freedom. I wish him well.
Wouldn’t the Cause Resurgence Rundown be a more correct descriptive if it were the Cause Resurgence Runaround?
🙂
+ 1! Now that’s some funny shit!
Begging people to come into the org to take pictures for COB. *giggles*
Enjoy Maiden Garbage this year Dave, you’ll be lucky if anyone but Duggan has any money left next year. You have truly flogged this dead horse about as much as you can.
Maybe He will start a new religion for the true believers!
Right! You’ll need a Dun & Bradstreet report and a million dollar “sacred entry donation” to join. Wouldn’t tax my imagination at all to find out he was already planning something like this.
Good to see you, hope all is well with you and yours. 🙂
The Boston Strangler would have have felt pity reading that plea for photo-op attendance. I know I did but none of it will matter very soon. I’m betting there will be no Maiden Garbage, (I like your affectionate nickname) next year or the year after that either.
Love the top pic of the dog dressed up as a B-52…it’s a metaphor for GAT II and planetary clearing…neither one will ever take off and fly.
In a previous post you showed that the photo, shown here under the heading “The First Scientology City” taken in Portland, had been photoshopped. Upon looking closer at the photo, not only were people added to the viewing crowd, but it also appears that the group of people standing under the two canopies are one in the same. The group under the canopy on the right are far too small compared to the people in the crowd. The group under the canopy to the left are the same group but photo was taken at a different angle. I’m a detail person!
How do they have the nerve to keep putting that dopey photo out?! It is so obviously photoshopped. So glad you noticed the things that I didn’t. Thank you.
Remarkable piece of shrubbery tech.
Do they still say NI?
Or GAS (Golden Age of Shrubbery) 2 replaced all that nonsense with: Ekke Ekke Ekke Ekke Ptangya Zoooooooom Boing Ni!…?
They also photoshopped a female’s hair to a fire-engine red color, or they lopped her head off and the red shirt from the guy in front of her the source of the red. In any case, they’re getting better at photoshop, but to the far left it’s very clear they’ve cloned several people standing side-by-side, several times.
Is it just me or is the lady with the megaphone in the second IAS World Tour Flyer also photoshopped. Her face is too clear compared to the others.
Book of the Dead hey? that’s good!
Had a thought reading or should I say scanning through the RCSs drivel (to read it all gives me heartburn plus a headache) in that it won’t be all that long that “being in good standing” with the CofS will be seen as socially criminal. Their PR is so bad now but it has further to go, a lot further south when the inevitable screw up comes along that lawyers won’t be able to wiggle them out of.
I had to laugh at one of David Letterman’s last jokes on TV, he replied to what was he going to do now that he’s retired with, “be the front person for Scientology.”
Loved David Letterman’s joke too about hoping to be the “new face of Scientology”, and did you notice, later in Dave’s show, Scientology actually ran one of their new commercials, “imagine an age where science and religion combine, welcome to the age of answers, to find the truth”…unfortunately for the church, the REAL truth is all over the internet now, and all their stupid commercials won’t change anything!!
You are right, and their commercials are so vague, I do not see how they could attract many wogs.
When the reigning king of late night talk shows retires and takes a shot at Scientology in his last monologue, you know you are doing something right, or really really wrong.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bw5tUhLpqxM
Yeah and the WHOLE audience laughed and got the joke. Letterman declared the #1 SP this week.
haha! Yeah..
“TOP TEN REASONS DAVID LETTERMAN WAS DECLARED SP #1”
10. He saw the movie
9. He HAD to have seen the movie
8. Will somebody get ahold of David Letterman’s cable records and see if he saw the movie?
7. He saw the movie…TWICE!!
6. Does Dave have a pet??
5. He dared to make fun of Super Patron Meritorious Expialidocious, Valley Ideal Morgue fundriser, Nancy Cartwright’s show!!!!!!
4. Mentions a communist government in the same monologue as Scientology. WHAT DOES HE MEAN BY THAAAAAAAAAAT? What’s he trying to say???
3. He’s a joker and degrader
2. Let him die.
and the number one reason that David Letterman was declared SP #1!
1 He openly admitted that he was trying to bump Tom out of the #2, BFF, mini me position – and he doesn’t even have a Religious Freedom Medal of Valor!
Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen, and good night!
(ghost written by Mr. David Miscavige)
Indie – Brilliant top 10
Wonder how many of these desperate calls for attendees will come up empty?
Hopefully ALL of them…
Looks like Martin Sherman is familiar with the “Miscavige” method of getting things done, fist to or in your face to “motivate” your “highest ever production”. That or they are having a white power rally at the Inglewood Org. Frankly neither would surprise me.
And LOOK! The IAS is finally “allowing” Chill EB to do a gig for CCHR again. Must have been a slow week at the IAS world tour. (They won’t let him do any other events but IAS fundraisers)
Chill EB first came around to help promote CCHR since they helped him keep his son off psych drugs. They stole him right out from under CCHR.
“The Book of the Dead”
Hilarious!
Funny, Portland Ideal Org didn’t even have a body router when I walked past at 2:00pm in the afternoon.
All saw was a sad looking receptionist all alone.
Nuff Said
I have not seen a body router in DC for over a year.
Fear of the Wog world will do that to you.
Truth Teller, when you walked past at 2pm, was it by chance on a Thursday?
“All I saw was a sad looking receptionist all alone.” I believe that’s the way it is at all the Model Ideal Idle Morgues. At the Pasadena Idle Morgue, that scene plays out every day. One day when I walked past, the receptionist had his head down and never looked up. Must be tough to be a member of a cult that’s universally despised…
I have gone by the Buffalo NY one and seen the exact same view ANY day or time of the week.
It is pathetic and frankly laughable.
That’s what I was thinking about Jenna Capozzi, the new OT Committee Chairman (person). Not to worry. She’ll get failed purpose and a total mystery sandwich about why she can’t get people to come in to finish their courses/OT levels. She’ll quit and go back to acting, that she hasn’t done since 2008…too busy, Jenna?
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0135426/
about 3:00pm
The Portland photoshopped crowd and all the shrubbery were there; you just didn’t have the rank to see them.
🙂
Oh, thank God! It’s my rank that kept me from seeing the crowd and shrubbery! I thought I was losing my mind!
It’s ok OSD. You just don’t have the rank to KNOW you don’t have the rank. Sort of like that tree falling in the woods that no one hears, allegedly. 😉
Everyone fakes??
https://youtu.be/IgHThXuheOM
Thanks, Chee Chalker, that’s hilarious.