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Thursday Funnies

February 2, 2023 By Mike Rinder 34 Comments

 

For a minimum donation of $25…

We will teach you how to find a 2D!

Using the Hubbard technology that guided him through 3 marriages, estranged children, lawsuits, abandoned wives and so much more.

 

Donating for promotion now

This is supposed to be the PRIMARY thing purchased with funds paid for scientology services according to L. Ron Hubbard in his “What Your Fees Buy”

But it’s nice that you get a “Team Player” award… That’s a classy touch.

 

Join staff in Austin Org

Because there are lots of people who HOME SCHOOL (caps theirs) here?

 

Hmmm, you know there is policy against this…

Only staff with proven records ON STAFF are supposed to be sent for full time training.

 

Join staff in Austin

Because it is consistently ranked as one of the best cities for career opportunities (joining staff does not count as a “career opportunity”) and if someone is joining staff, why do they need another career?

As I have said many times, being in scientology, especially on staff, lowers your intelligence.

 

First Chicago, now Austin

The gathering of the fogies is underway

 

You know this is the STAFF game right?”

 

Word Clearing and Carnita Asada…

Sec Checking and Rice and Beans

Dianetics and jalapenos

 

 

Orders of Magnitude…

Remember at the IAS events when it was announced that the total obliteration of psychiatry on this planet was going to be accomplished by 2000.

They’re not very good at this.

 

Another special announcement

They have them every week.

Save yourself the trouble.

The announcement is: “We need another 50 staff. Sign up now.”

 

Another oldie

Wonder where he comes from that he has been on staff for 18 YEARS?

Surely they wouldn’t dream of transferring him from one of the other “ideal orgs”?

 

Creating that “Island of Sanity”

I hope these people are independently wealthy…

 

People actually pay $7500 to hear Grant Cardone speak?

I didn’t believe this could be true.  I looked it up…

Not sure what category this poor woman’s tickets are as there is nothing here for $7500 — or maybe she works for Cardone and is pitching to scientologists with a special “at cost” deal.

 

 

“Founding” staff member?

This org has been there since the 70’s?

But it’s reassuring to know they are gearing up.

 

Yeah, I guess you can say that every day of the year…

 

The Prayer…

Trying to seem so Christian.

Praying is not a “thing” in scientology.

 

For just $10,000…

We will give you this handsome pleather notebook.

Not sure what the “greater” crusade is about. Greater than the orgs crusade?

 

The Kansas City Movement?

The KC 100?

Something like 10,000 on Solo NOTs?  If they follow that lead they should get their 100 by about 2045.

 

Kiddie Corner

 

Another one who “Joined Back”

I wonder if the translation of this is actually “Eva Nemeth resigned her 2 1/2 year contract?”

 

Bet the seats for this are cheaper than Cardone’s 10X seminar

Then again, it’s only a 1X (or maybe 3X?)

 

Scientology is giving diet advice now?

From a “celebrity nutritionist”?

 

The Mission of Ocala is hiring

What an opportunity!

This was “John Travolta’s Mission” but apparently no more.

But it’s “going places” now with a new Mission Holder.

Will check in on it in 6 months or so and see how they are doing. It will no doubt be the same empty shell it was the last time I went by

 

They’re going to litter up the Super Bowl again…

Phoenix “ideal” org is one of the deadest of the empty orgs.

They will probably have to send people from LA just to hand out some OCA tests.

You can bet the org will be just as empty on Feb 12 (and after) as it always has been.

But you will see the hype about “millions reached” for sure.

 

The No Social Veneer Briefing

Here it is:

We haven’t accomplished anything in 70 years.

The vast majority of people in this city have no idea we even exist.

If they know about scientology they think it’s a cult in the US.

We are never clearing Melbourne, let alone the planet.

You can all go home now.

 

Your total freedom — right here, right now.

Somehow I think they are promising a little more than they can deliver.

 

Message to Garcia

Scientologists think this is something “Ron” wrote, it’s not. It’s written by Elbert Hubbard. No relation.

Just a note, the summary of it is: A Message To Garcia teaches you how to be the best at your job by becoming a dedicated worker with a good attitude about whatever tasks your company gives you.

No wonder scientology pushes it…

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Filed Under: Funnies Tagged With: Alex Righetto, Alex Strijewski, Austin Org, Bernard Boling, CCHR, Chicago org, Eva Nemeth, Grant Cardone, IAS, KansasCity 100, KC 100, Kiddie Corner, Malmo Org, Message to Garcia, Ocala Mission, Ron Silva, Stacy Francis, Super Bowl

Comments

  1. WriteReade says

    February 6, 2023 at 6:14 am

    My brother’s wife is 87, and she’s still working on staff full time, as far as I know. My brother is quite a bit younger and also on staff. They met and married in Scn.

    Reply
  2. PeaceMaker says

    February 4, 2023 at 12:01 am

    Does anyone know how many mission holders Ocala has been through? 3 at least since Travolta, I’m pretty sure.

    Almost no new missions have been opened since the wave of exposure of Scientology began with the publishing of The Complex, then Blown for Good and Inside Scientology. About the only fresh blood I’ve noticed is those who take over celebrity missions in particular, I presume heavily recruited to relieve those most special of “whales” of the burden; Jenna Elfman’s former mission in San Francisco was kept alive for about decade, though after moving out of the space she’d set it up in, before it finally vanished.

    Reply
  3. PeaceMaker says

    February 3, 2023 at 11:45 pm

    Hubbar’s “right partner” for his “ideal relationship” was a woman about the age of his oldest child, who was willing to take a bullet – or at least go to prison – for him, and then remain loyal even though abandoned afterwards.

    Reply
  4. Alcoboy says

    February 3, 2023 at 4:33 pm

    Kiddie Corner.
    Featuring Braden Walker.
    Oh, yeah. That kid from last week’s Thursday Funnies that supposedly paid for his own Survival Rundown at the tender age of thirteen.
    Braden, that just means you’re being sized up to sign one of those Billion Year Contracts.
    Get ’em while they’re young. The modus operandi of the Sea Org.

    Reply
  5. Linear13 says

    February 3, 2023 at 1:07 pm

    Elbert Hubbard was the quintessential opposite of L Ron Hubbard. Elbert must be rolling over in his watery grave knowing that this group is using anything of his and attributing it to L Ron. Elbert and his wife died aboard the RMS Lusitania. Neither would leave the other so they went into a room and stayed there as the ship sank. There is a good short read about him on his wiki page. An eccentric character who would not leave his wife even in death. Unlike LRH who threw his wife to the wolves and then skulked away and hid until death finally found him.

    Elbert Hubbard – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elbert_Hubbard

    Reply
  6. Ruth says

    February 3, 2023 at 7:31 am

    From my personal observation at Seattle Org., they liked senior staff. Especially NEW staff that had been emoyeed or married with 401ks and credit cards. They had hired a lady about 70. Had her max out everything, cash out what she could. After hours and hours of double teaming, hard sell, greater good, don’t you want to save the planet, help, do the right thing, these poor seniors do not have a chance to keep anything they have worked all their life for. It made me sick then, makes me even sicker now because I know what they are in for.

    Reply
  7. Koos Nolst Trenité says

    February 3, 2023 at 6:51 am

    Self-evident “truths” from L. Ron Hubbard in Scientology:

    (These all check the boxes of Satanism, too)

    “Any answer by L. Ron Hubbard, is better than no answer!” (irl)

    (The basic concepts of life itself, are NOT defined in Scientology, but are either totally ignored or “defined” falsely in order to create maximum confusion in the interested reader).

    “Certainty is knowledge, NOT data!” (sic)

    “Clear the words, NOT the concepts!” (is the ‘Scientology’ method of forcing others to accept its false concepts – “What WORD did you not understand, in the definition of, and in the statement of the goals of, Scientology?”) (irl)

    “Life is a game of overwhelming others.” (sic)

    “You create your own truth, and by getting others to agree to it, it becomes reality” – “The physical universe is created that way.” (sic)

    “Good and Evil, Beauty and Ugliness, are merely a matter of consideration [opinion].” (sic)

    “Production is the basis of morale.” (sic)

    (I once got an “O.T. III” [Ron Loving was his name, in 1975] ENRAGED about me being simply myself and happy and enjoying life, WITHOUT MY BEING significantly PRODUCTIVE.
    Not to mention all those people at Saint Hill UK who all worked very hard “to become OT” and “to acquire spiritual abilities and freedom” – I guess it is called jealousy. I was the wind that blew their Scientology card house to smithereens. For them to stay with Hubbard and to NOT look at themselves – and at him – they had to thoroughly hate me and refuse to look at me.)”

    Reply
  8. Lynne Gerred says

    February 2, 2023 at 10:21 pm

    Wow!! That’s a lot of white folks. Are the ethnically diverse too smart to be on staff?

    Reply
  9. Gabriel Halliwell says

    February 2, 2023 at 10:10 pm

    LOOK WHO JOINED STAFF!!!

    Goofus McNutbar!

    It’s so easy to get your name in print in exchange for a crushing lifelong debt.

    Ain’t life in this cult Wunderbar?

    Reply
  10. Todd Cray says

    February 2, 2023 at 6:38 pm

    In this highly competitive “game” of “how deluded can you get”, a stand out has to be the comment by “The 10,000” (an apt prediction of where the cult’s global membership total is headed next). Here goes:

    “Ocala is a very upstat field and is basically beckoning for scientology.”

    If Ocala is so “very upstat”, how can it be so desperate for scientologists? Shouldn’t “very upstatness” be the RESULT (not the prerequisite) of an overwhelming cult presence?

    Or does this mean that Ocala has found a way to be “very upstat”, no thanks to a scientology presence. And now they’re planning to flood the place with scientologists. Which raises the question: In the unlikely event that they manage to saturate Ocala with culties, will it still be “very upstat?” Mysterious!

    Reply
  11. Chris Shugart says

    February 2, 2023 at 3:19 pm

    If there’s one thing I don’t need is Hubbard showing me how to screw up my marriage. I’m perfectly capable of doing that on my own. Just ask my wife.

    Reply
    • Alcoboy says

      February 6, 2023 at 6:28 pm

      Chris, you say you’re perfectly capable of screwing up your marriage. Well, so was L. Ron Hubbard. Here’s a guy who drove away his first two wives and got the third sent to prison.
      How’s that for screwing up a marriage?

      Reply
  12. Todd Cray says

    February 2, 2023 at 1:36 pm

    So Austin offers career opportunities, a buzzing art scene, and it’s very “green” (although it’s unclear whether this means parks and trees or a high number of people hunkering down awaiting climate armageddon). It’s “America’s coolest city.”

    Nothing to remedy “cool” quite like a 1950s paramilitary cult that wants to micromanage your life and rob you blind. Time to “reach those people”. Playtime’s over for them!

    Reply
    • WWW : Wisdom of the Wog World says

      February 2, 2023 at 3:31 pm

      🤣🤣🤣🤣

      No teen or twenties only 65+
      Sign of endangered species.🤔

      2025 : Age of Extinction

      Reply
      • Duped-Lie-Cated says

        February 2, 2023 at 5:12 pm

        Yep, staff in their Golden Years to match the “Golden Age” of tek.

        Reply
  13. Glenn says

    February 2, 2023 at 10:07 am

    “Old Fogies” joining Austin staff.
    A friend, who is as old as many of those shown in the flyer, asked to join the sea orge but was told they were unfit at that age.
    Guess this is more proof policy is a sham just like all the rest of what goes on in the cult.

    Reply
    • Aquamarine says

      February 2, 2023 at 10:03 pm

      Back when I was still in, a staff member in my org told me she had been turned down for the Sea Org. She was in her early 70s at the time. Perfect health, sharp as a whip, highly admin trained, ethics trained, a mind like a steel trap, a fantastic memory, could always show you the EXACT reference pertaining to any question you might ask; decades long staff member at my little org and before that a dedicated public/ excellent student, possibly the best in the Academy…disciplined, articulate, literate, she was very well read…you’d think they’d have been on their knees in gratitude, but no, they didn’t want her! I was amazed. The reason they gave was that she wanted to join “for the wrong reasons”. Can you believe that? As if Sea Org gives a f**k about anyone’s “reasons” so long as they sign that billion year contract! I mean, the SO recruiters at that point were STALKING youngsters at the orgs, submitting them to hours long recruitment cycles, REPEATED hours long recruitment cycles, and getting practically no recruits, and here was this very together single divorced woman of 71 in excellent health, totally dedicated to Scientology,( Flag trained and totally aware that her seniors in the SO could be teenagers) ASKING to join and…nope. Sorry, no Sea Org for YOU, lady! I mean, look, I’m sure she dodged a bullet but for their part the SO’s refusal of her had to be pretzel logic, you know?

      Reply
      • Glenn says

        February 3, 2023 at 10:19 am

        Wow! Thanks for that story Aquamarine. A lot like my friend who got refused. Very able, well trained already and was very stable financially. Had health insurance and a couple of pensions so would never become a burden on the cult. I am inclined to conclude the SO wants only untrained, inexperienced kids so they can indoctrinate and mold them into folks who’d follow the palaver for the rest of their lives. Raw meat instead of seasoned chunks.

        Congratulations to your friend on staying free.

        Reply
        • Aquamarine says

          February 3, 2023 at 2:15 pm

          Hey Glenn,
          You’re welcome, and yes, I agree. The SO wants young people – the younger and more ignorant and inexperienced and unfit to survive in the real world and thereby more vulnerable they are the better. That’s what they want. Fully muscled bodies, empty heads 🙂 Not illogical at all from their suppressive point of view.

          Reply
          • Glenn says

            February 3, 2023 at 5:19 pm

            Hey Aquamarine,

            You’re totally right. The more inexperienced, untrained, and unfit for real life one is the more easy it is to suck them in. Promises of a better life so to speak. Seen folks from countries where life isn’t so good being hit on hard and given false promises of a better life in America. One girl I know from Russia was “hard sold” to join the SO at Flag and wasn’t ever told her minor age child would not be accepted. No, just buy round trip flights for she and her son, (cause coming on a visitor visa requires return flight tickets) come and see how good it is in the US and then be told the son had to fly back to Russia as he wasn’t acceptable. Children aren’t accepted. Luckily she smelled the truth and didn’t fall down that rabbit hole.

            Reply
            • Aquamarine says

              February 3, 2023 at 9:12 pm

              I’m so glad this girl didn’t sign! Send her a thumbs up for me, OK?

              I’ll tell you, the more I read and comment on these predators, these SO predators, taking advantage of vulnerable, gullible and/or uneducated and needy young people here and abroad is the more furious I get. Its just so unfair. It is just so, so so wrong! And that it is happening, that it is blatantly and legally STILL happening in the 21st century, in the United States of America just blows my mind, continually!

              Sorry, end of rant.

              Reply
              • Glenn says

                February 4, 2023 at 9:48 am

                Hi Aquamarine,

                I will give her a boost as you asked. I know she’ll appreciate it.

                Yes, the cult should be held responsible for their recruit tactics. But on the flip side the 3rd worlders they hit on have their own part in it. They wish the better life here and so will do whatever is needed to get it. The cult sucks on the weak because they more easily take the bait in an effort to reach their own goals and desires. At Flag there are a lot “English is a 2nd language” staff so the proof is in the pudding.

                Call it a rant, I think it was common sense Aqua.

      • Alcoboy says

        February 3, 2023 at 4:16 pm

        Just curious. Are they still turning away people who as much as tried LSD or is that another HCO PL that wound up in the circular file?

        Reply
        • Aquamarine says

          February 3, 2023 at 5:00 pm

          I don’t know. Could be. Around a year or so ago I read – on this blog or on Tony’s, I forget which one – that having tried LSD would no longer eliminate someone from recruitment into the SO. I know I read this as a comment from someone but I don’t know if its accurate or not.

          Reply
  14. safetyguy says

    February 2, 2023 at 9:18 am

    No, thank you. I don’t think I need anyone from that cult telling me how to choose a wife. 45 years with the same wonderful lady. I did pretty good if you ask me.

    Reply
  15. otherles says

    February 2, 2023 at 8:30 am

    The Hubbard course on marriage might be an example of how not to do it.

    Reply
    • Alcoboy says

      February 3, 2023 at 4:18 pm

      Considering that his first two wives left him and his faithful third wife got sent to jail by him, yeah, I’d say that a Hubbard marriage course will not help you one bit.

      Reply
  16. Allen says

    February 2, 2023 at 8:18 am

    I read Dianetics in the late 1980’s and out of curiosity went to visit the scientology outpost in Ventura, CA to see what more I could find out. After two visits it was 100 percent clear to me that these people, whoever the fuck they were, were 100 percent certified bat shit crazy whackjobs. I never went back. I did however begin reading about and following exposure of the cult when the Internet came into existence and it’s been nothing but huge bags of 🍿🍿🍿 ever since. I have nothing but massive contempt and ridicule oozing from every pore. All the way from the idiots at the bottom wearing their stupid little uniforms to that alcoholic lunatic midget with hair plugs David MisCavige and his not so secret closeted BF Tom Cruise. The “bridge”, “body thetans”, the “wall of fire”, etc. ad nauseam. It’s all so crazy that not even a 3rd rate pulp fiction sociopathic con artist could make it up. Oh wait…

    Reply
    • Glenn says

      February 2, 2023 at 12:51 pm

      Spot on Allen, totally spot on. And I can say that because I spent far too many decades in the cult. Truly glad you were not sucked in like was;

      Reply
    • xenos says

      February 3, 2023 at 2:32 am

      Reminds me of a friend of mine who went to one of the orgs to work (they use the services of the company he works for) – he said the exact same thing. Said to me I don;t know what the hell Scientology is but those folks are some strange people, the way they talk, the things they say to one another etc etc.

      Reply
  17. Fred G. Haseney says

    February 2, 2023 at 8:05 am

    Re: People actually pay $7500 to hear Grant Cardone speak?

    10X Growth Conference 2023

    Newly Added Status: Flatus.

    Retail was: $50,000. Now: $1,500,000.

    New from Grant Cardone Himself!

    * 3 Day Event Access
    * Exclusive Event Access
    * Networking Lunches
    * Seating Selection
    * Access to Premiere Parties
    * Access to Diamond Parties
    * Access to Flatus Parties
    * Sniff My Butt
    * Kiss My Ass

    Reply
    • Alcoboy says

      February 3, 2023 at 4:28 pm

      To: Fred G Haseney
      From: David Miscavige COB RTC
      Re: attacks on Grant Cardone.

      I WILL NOT TOLERATE ANY ATTACKS ON SOMEONE AS THETA AS GRANT CARDONE! NOT ONLY IS HE TEACHING WOGS HOW TO GENERATE MORE INCOME USING OUR FABULOUS TECH BUT HE ALSO IS A VERY GENEROUS DONOR TO THE IAS AS WELL AS OUR IDEAL ORGS PROGRAM! YOU WOULD DO WELL TO LISTEN TO GRANT AND FLOURISH AND PROSPER! BUT SUCH THINGS ARE LOST ON YOU, FRED, BECAUSE YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A DOWNSTAT SP JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE ON THIS BLOG!

      ML,
      Dave.

      To: David Miscavige COB RTC
      From: Alcoboy
      Re: listening to Grant Cardone.

      Listen to Grant Cardone?
      At those prices?
      ARE YOU KIDDING?
      No, I guess you’re not.
      I would like to check out those ‘kiss my ass’ and ‘sniff my butt’ seminars.
      That would be worth the money!

      No love at all,
      Alcoboy.

      Reply
      • Fred Haseney says

        February 4, 2023 at 1:57 pm

        To: Alcoboy
        From: Fred G. Haseney

        Your contributions to this blog are absolutely priceless.

        Reply
        • Alcoboy says

          February 4, 2023 at 8:20 pm

          Thanks.

          Reply

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