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Thursday Funnies

February 23, 2023 By Mike Rinder 37 Comments

Her dad convinced her….

 

The monumental COB briefing…

About Africa? In Australia?

 

You think he knows what this even means?

 

Wow — a basic course completion!

That’s worth promoting…

 

Dream Team?

 

A Free Seminar in Chicago!

 

This is new news?

Like it needs an exclamation point…

 

Looking REALLY excited

Just wait to see her expression when she gets her first pay check.

 

Another one brimming with enthusiasm!

Why not join the “ideal org” in Nashville? At least its open….

 

She might even be smiling…

But what is all the junk in the background of this photo?

 

Case Cracking!

They’ve got something for EVERYONE. This is what they pitch to “resistive cases” and those that don’t bite on L’s, Super Power, Running Pgm, OT levels etc etc

 

Your Role in the Universe!

As told by a mystery guest speaker.

 

Passing out scientology network fliers…

In Clearwater?

 

Come be a pawn

 

Tom Cruise is on board…

But they haven’t done it for 20 years and now they think they’re going to do it in 3 weeks?

 

The staff game pitched to the public

 

Kiddie Corner

 

They don’t have anyone new

So they keep creating promo pieces to announce staff who re-sign their contracts.

 

Guacamole and Habaneros

Very strange.

 

Worst Shoop Ever?

 

It’s a mystery how these OT VII’s had so many things to handle

And then they all got sorted out on OT VIII

 

Repair the ravages of the week

And then prepare to be newly ravaged as soon as they are finished with the “Sunday Service.’ The regges and recruiters will descend.

 

This a purely social event…

An absolute lie.

 

What does it take to go OT?

For the public of the Class V org that can’t get their doors open?

 

No, definitely NOT curious

 

A single Div 6 course completion?

That qualifies for a promotional piece?

 

We are going to affect the entire world…

We just have to figure out how to get our doors open

 

Well, not exactly.

She “secured her package,” she isn’t actually on training.

 

OMG, the ideal disease keeps spreading

An “ideal” Delphi campus?

Shows you that this is NOT in fact based on any Hubbard policy…

 

Flag is giving away free dinners now?

Desperate much?

 

Why is a musician the expert on business management?

 

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Filed Under: Funnies Tagged With: Andre Adair, Attila Agocs, Bayou Bennett, China Woods, Chris Jackson, Daniel Lir, Deen Muhammad, Hannah Watson, Jamie Martin, Kenneth Harper, Kristel Cecala, Lisa Hunt, Michael Chan, Mike Sola, Queny Villanueva, Ruddy Rodriguez, Ryan Lochiano, Sonya Zagon, Tammy Wu, Taylor Pace

Comments

  1. Giorgos says

    February 25, 2023 at 5:41 pm

    Tammy Wu, about her husband: “(…) helps me to maintain good PR with my parents (…)”.

    What does it say about you when you think in terms like “PR” when it comes to the relationship with your parents? Have they become strangers to you? Is there a facade you need to maintain?

    Reply
  2. Jaffy43 says

    February 25, 2023 at 9:31 am

    So Ms Woods is joining staff complete with a face mask?

    I though being a Scientologist was all about awaerness and increased perception.

    How come DM and the gang have fallen for the false PCR test (see the test inventors comments) and mask (which does nothing actually except slow lagre dust particles) and the Great Reset (the rich getting richer, see their stats!) philosophy which is what the lie was all about in the first place.

    I am still waiting for my Governement’s chief medical executive to point me to any lab on the planet that has real live covid 19 virus, cultured and purified. No one has it of course.

    The silence is the only evidence i need!

    Reply
  3. vǝda says

    February 24, 2023 at 9:58 am

    It’s never too late!, Dave.

    – Chicago style.

    Reply
  4. Aquamarine says

    February 23, 2023 at 10:28 pm

    Because someone had to do it:

    Chicago, Chicago, Dave’s new Ideal Org
    Chicago, Chicago, will soon be your morgue (you’l love it)
    Bet your bottom dollar we’ll bankrupt you in Chicago, Chicago
    We’ll leave you with nothing and turn you into a cyborg.

    On Lincoln, North Lincoln, I just want to say
    We’ll scam you just as on L Ron Hubbard Way.
    Mortgage the house and divorce your wife,
    Make you join staff and give up your life.
    In Chicago, Chicago Ideal M’Org!

    Reply
    • Joe Pendleton says

      February 24, 2023 at 8:55 am

      Wonderful!

      I sang it Sinatra style!

      Reply
      • Aquamarine says

        February 24, 2023 at 2:21 pm

        Thank you 🙂

        Reply
    • Alcoboy says

      February 24, 2023 at 9:28 am

      To: Aquamarine
      From: David Miscavige COB RTC
      Re: your cute little song.

      NOT FUNNY! NOT FUNNY IN THE LEAST! HOW DARE YOU SUGGEST THAT SCIENTOLOGY SCAMS PEOPLE! IT DOES NOT!
      AGAIN, NOT FUNNY!

      ML,
      Dave.

      To: David Miscavige COB RTC
      From: Alcoboy
      Re: recent comm particle.

      Not funny?
      I dunno.
      I’m splitting a gut over it.
      I think it’s hilarious.
      Still hiding from process servers?

      No love at all,
      Alcoboy.

      Reply
    • Yawn says

      February 24, 2023 at 11:28 am

      Touche!

      Reply
  5. Xenu Cruise says

    February 23, 2023 at 9:28 pm

    I still don’t get why they wouldn’t just sink Austin and put everything into Chicago. The Austin photo is in a run down strip mall.

    Reply
    • PeaceMaker says

      February 24, 2023 at 12:18 am

      Austin has turned their old org building across the street from the UT campus into an “ideal” one with a remodeling and expansion. So they must be dying to finally move into it; and if recent reports are right, management at some level probably wants to have to stop shelling out so an insolvent org can make rent on an ugly commercial space when they own something that millions have been sunk in to (and that is running up utility bills and other costs, even if empty).

      Reply
  6. Aquamarine says

    February 23, 2023 at 9:03 pm

    “We are on the comm lines of the planet in Chicago…Its this massive impact that’s about to happen.”

    Hmmm, yeah. “…ABOUT to happen.”

    That future tense, ubiquitous in all cult promo. Great things are always ABOUT to happen. Orgs are forever on the VERGE of remarkable expansion!

    Oh, how that convenient, always utilized future tense gives full cover to the cult!

    See, if you sign, and for some reason this “massive impact” does not happen (which of course it won’t) very likely it will be your fault. You joined staff but didn’t make it happen.

    On the other hand, if you DON’T sign, if you DON’T join staff, and the promised massive Scientological impact on the area does not occur (again, which we know it won’t) then its ABSOLUTELY your fault!

    The cult skates either way.

    Reply
    • Alcoboy says

      February 23, 2023 at 11:23 pm

      To: Aquamarine
      From: David Miscavige COB RTC
      Re: whose fault it really is.

      The only person who’s at fault is YOU! Yes, YOU, you sp! Always coming on here and disparaging the 35x monumental growth of Scientology! Calling us a cult, discouraging public from signing our fabulous contracts, having the audacity to suggest that we are misleading people! You ought to be ashamed of yourself! I don’t see how you can sleep at night!

      ML,
      Dave

      To: David Miscavige COB RTC
      From: Alcoboy
      Re: being able to sleep at night.

      I can see how Aquamarine can sleep at night. It’s because she, like me, abandoned your shrinking, money grubbing, fabricating, enslaving cult you have the audacity to call a religion! She, like me, knows that true freedom comes from figuring things out for yourself and not blindly following some megalomaniacal leader like you!
      Now why don’t you go back to your hidey hole and watch South Park? The recent one about Prince Harry and Meghan is hilarious!

      No love at all,
      Alcoboy.

      Reply
      • Aquamarine says

        February 24, 2023 at 2:11 pm

        Alcoboy, I’m convinced that you were Prince Valiant in a former life 🙂

        Reply
        • Alcoboy says

          February 24, 2023 at 8:07 pm

          Wait.
          In a former life I was a cartoon character?
          I’ll take it.

          Reply
          • Aquamarine says

            February 24, 2023 at 8:48 pm

            As is Superman, don’t forget 🙂

            Reply
    • Yawn says

      February 24, 2023 at 12:19 am

      Ah, the church of never ending anticipation.
      (Anticipation must be a harmonic of wait, it sure rhymes with bait).

      Reply
    • PeaceMaker says

      February 24, 2023 at 8:15 am

      “ABOUT to” and “soon” often seem years and decades away in Scientology – but I guess if you’re dealing with a time track of trillions of years, even a century would be an almost inconsequentially small moment in time, just 1 10-millionth of a billion years.

      But which is more imminent? Scientology PR has often used soon, including in pronouncements to the media, to refer to “ideal” orgs a decade or more from opening, actually. Which leads to the other thing I don’t get – if they are so needed for “expansion”, as typically also claimed and which is often qualified as “unprecedented,” why are they taking so long on the human, earthly time scale?

      Reply
  7. Fred G. Haseney says

    February 23, 2023 at 7:51 pm

    Re: “We are going to affect the entire world…” (Chicago Org)

    Kristel Cecala, Exec Esto Chicago Day, aka Kristel Ehrlich, is a Founding Team Member at Dream Exchange. Note that the photo of Ms. Ehrlich in Her LinkedIn profile closely resembles the photo of Ms. Cecala in today’s ad, so I believe they are the same person.

    Her Scientology completions between 2013 and 2019 include Super Power Rundowns, Method 1, Scientology Drug Rundown, Happiness Rundown, the Grades and Clear.

    Her previous work experience includes being an Academic Supervisor at Delphi in Sheridan, OR, and as a Camp Counselor at Delphi Academy of Chicago. Note that she graduated from Delphi.

    Speaking of the Cecala clan, the last research I did on their family business, Dream Exchange, included data on a guy known as Joe, Joey and Salvatore. At LinkedIn’s webpage for that business, he goes by the name “Torre.”

    Reply
  8. Geoff Levin says

    February 23, 2023 at 7:50 pm

    Wow, such stellar activities. And as usual a music artist Taylor Pace is duped into shilling for WISE.
    Sick and sad.

    Reply
    • Ron Sterling says

      February 24, 2023 at 12:26 am

      Taylor Pace?

      I thought we would have several choices for that. No?

      Like, for ezample: Taylor Swifty, Taylor Speedy, Taylor Turtle (or like a Turtle), Taylor ChickenHawk and Taylor Snail,

      The range of Taylors should match up with the range of the corresponding animals. But if there ain’t no animals, then we could use jet planes. Like fer instance: Taylor F-16 (very fast model), Taylor Speedy Gonzales (very quick but the instructions are all in Spanish).

      For the more ordinary folks we have Taylor Rege Escaper (that is a very fast lady who is running away from the Reges who are trying to get her life in debt. That is one of the most scary Reges and you have to be right quick to escape one of them.

      Finally, there is the Taylor AA Fuel Dragster (she does the quarter mile in just 6.1 seconds. The Reges have a real hard time catching her. But her mileage is just turrible! So be careful.

      Reply
      • GL says

        February 24, 2023 at 6:14 pm

        Taylor Made?
        Now to really push the pun level –
        Taylor Floor the Tiler?

        Reply
  9. Duped-Lie-Cated says

    February 23, 2023 at 4:50 pm

    OTC Brunch, “This is a purely social event!” In Chicago? Sure, ok, sign me up.

    That’s the same ploy they used to use about the IAS events, “News and wins, this is not a reg event!”

    Reply
  10. Scicrit says

    February 23, 2023 at 12:04 pm

    The first flier reads :”It serves a much high purpose then that”.

    As I write this, by spellchecker tells me what any reader can see – that this should be, “A much higher purpose than that”.

    I know it’s not a Scientology flier without typos and spelling mistakes, but they are spoiling us with two.

    Reply
  11. Jens TINGLEFF says

    February 23, 2023 at 12:04 pm

    “Life is mostly aberrated games, traps made of apparently self-determined choices”

    Describing not “Life” but the criminal organisation known as the “church” of $cientology

    Reply
  12. Free Minds, Free Hearts says

    February 23, 2023 at 11:18 am

    About those Russian speakers – I assume they are trapped doing cleaning or groundskeeping, with their passports having been confiscated. And if they don’t speak English well they will not be doing reception or public work, just stay hidden away. I wonder what they were promised about coming to America for a job and spiritual freedom.

    Reply
    • Aquamarine says

      February 23, 2023 at 9:22 pm

      Answer:

      Being able to enter the US legally on a religious visa and – after a certain amount of time – 2 years, maybe – apply for a green card. That’s if the cult lets them off the grounds.

      I know a young SO member who married one of these religious visa Sea Org guys – from Hungary or Czechoslovakia – barely any English. He does “Mest” work in the SO.

      Talk about young love, first love. Well, they might have had feelings for one another. But it also served the cult’s purposes at the time to have him marry an American citizen right away. Voila.
      Done, Sir!

      They hardly knew one another. If the cult sends him to another org, c’est la Sea Org vie.

      They may even have to get a divorce. No big deal. True love, Sea Org style. Miscavige couples and uncouples his Sea Org sheep much as a farmer does his barnyard animals.

      Reply
      • Richard W. Farnsworth says

        February 24, 2023 at 12:30 am

        Hello Aqua,

        I just got an insurance settlement and I’d like to find out if you still have some Worshipper slots open for 2023? I want to register right quick before those horrible Reges find out about it and tie me up until I use all that money to get new lines of credit.

        Won’t you please help me? I would rather burn up all that money before I would give it to those Piggy Reges. They are such a bunch of Hogs. Damit All to Hell! I need to spend that money before they find out and purchasing a couple of Aquamarine Worship Slots would be a real good way to use up that money so they would never, ever be able to get their fat filthy paws on any of it.

        Know what I mean?

        Richie

        P.S. Get your fat filthy paws off of my money. You damn dirty Rege apes!

        Reply
        • Aquamarine says

          February 24, 2023 at 1:59 pm

          Richie,
          Understood on everything, and I’m delighted to help. As of now there are still some Worship Slots available! Worry no longer about your money or other assets being vulnerable to the Piggy Regges. Highly trained staff at the Aquamarine Foundation will ensure that you are financially cleaned out in no time. You have my word on that. Expect to be contacted very soon. The time is now!
          Much love,
          Aqua

          Reply
  13. Ammo Alamo says

    February 23, 2023 at 10:43 am

    She completes OT VIII, and her Wins statement includes the fact of “…no longer having heavy burdens to lug around.” Hmmm… does that mean all that time OT I through OT VII she had heavy burdens to lug around? Why didn’t those heavy burdens get handled years earlier, like on OT II, or OTV?
    Seems like a pretty expensive “treatment” if she doesn’t get to let go of her ‘heavy burdens’ until she’s paid the full half million to reach OTVIII.

    p.s. but of course we all know the only ‘heavy burden’ she became free of was the incredible expense of the OT levels, and especially the months or years of expensive and aggravating enforced sec checks on OTVII just to get to OTVIII.
    Free at last! Good Gawd Awmighty, Free at last!

    Reply
    • Duped-Lie-Cated says

      February 23, 2023 at 4:44 pm

      Give her 3 to 10 days and all the heavy burdens will return. Or when she returns home. Pretty sure this “success” story was written right after completing the level.

      Reply
      • Aquamarine says

        February 23, 2023 at 9:30 pm

        LOL! Exactly. Coincident with the receipt of next month’s credit card bills.

        Reply
  14. Sci Ex says

    February 23, 2023 at 9:24 am

    On one hand it’s really sad to see a young person persuaded away from promising career.

    On the other hand, someone who judges SO to be a better path in life than pharmacist probably shouldn’t be handling people’s medication anyway…

    “TX First Clear Country” – Come and take it.

    Reply
  15. otherles says

    February 23, 2023 at 9:24 am

    Concerning the first image: Her dad convinced her to have a bad fashion sense.

    Reply
  16. Miss Dutch says

    February 23, 2023 at 9:00 am

    Quickly scanning through this week’s entrees. Chicago, Chicago, Chicago, Chicago, Tampa, Chicago, Chicago, zoom, Chicago, Chicago! Whew! Nothing from Columbus! Hallelujah! I can start Lent with an uplifted spirit!

    Reply
    • Yawn says

      February 23, 2023 at 1:23 pm

      Haha. I like that! I had a similar reaction, just from a different location and a long, long way from anything to do with Chicago. Geezers, they are really flogging that horse. I doubt the poor thing even has a pulse.

      Reply
    • PeaceMaker says

      February 23, 2023 at 9:32 pm

      Don’t forget Austin – that’s the next bridge too far for them to try to staff. It’s much smaller than Chicago, reports indicate it’s worse off and Scientology generally seems to be pretty weak in Texas (Houston, the fourth largest city in the country, doesn’t even have an org), so it may be even more of a struggle.

      Reply
    • GL says

      February 24, 2023 at 6:19 pm

      The same tired looking old fliers. The same old spelling and grammatical errors. The same old flogging of the now skeletonised horse.

      Yaawwnn……

      Reply

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