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Thursday Funnies

November 8, 2018 By Mike Rinder 95 Comments

 

Massive IAS campaigns…

…that have affected thousands. Impressive eh?

He also is promoted as a Class VI but there is no GAT Class VI??? Daring.

 

 

 

Bet you have to pay for this…

They might let you in for free, but the regges won’t let you out….

 

 

Arhus ideal org

Wouldn’t you be better off trying to get some people through their OT levels? You already have an ideal org down the street and a bunch in Germany, Switzerland, Italy, Spain, Holland, Belgium, Sweden, Israel and Spain. And yet you’re empty and your stats are down (which is why the Captain was removed from post). Another “ideal org in the boonies” of Denmark no less, isn’t going to help you get more people onto the OT levels…

 

 

Guarantee your infinity of future…

Such an odd concept when scientology believes it’s already guaranteed.

But they’re going to have a Master Magician there to splain it to you.

 

 

Save the [changed] date

The location however remains the same. Nowhere.

 

Not to be outdone

They’ve raised the Master Magician and brought in a “world-class” mentalist.

 

 

Right

Wish the profound words like this and “My Philosophy” and other stuff was what scientology was actually about.

And the very idea of “‘ideal orgs” has nothing to do with this.

 

 

Is this serious?

$100K for a nanny in Clearwater?

Ex-SO? What’s with that? Bet she doesn’t have a green card… at least not one that is not based on being a “religious worker.”

 

 

 

Tom Cruise’s sister and the President of Criminon International

Seem a bit out place, no?

 

 

Nobody to audit at Flag

So they sent 5 tech staff to Australia?

Desperate times apparently calling for desperate measures.

 

 

Riddle me this then Elio…

Why is the Freewinds perpetually empty and unable to pay its bills?

 

 

Cringe Corner

 

 

1000 full Basics completions?

You mean that in 13 years you don’t even have 1000 people through the Basics in LA with 6 ideal orgs, ASHO and AOLA???

Wow, that 10X expansion is really epic, watershed and amazing.

Also, this is a pretty strange success. She doesn’t need to worry about people’s reactions? According to Hubbard, that is ALL art is about, let alone Axiom 10?

 

 

The Monster Meet and Greet

They brought out the regges and everyone started screaming…

 

 

Lighting the future? 

Only in their minds.

 

 

The point of this is?

Oh yeah, bodies in the shop for the regges

 

 

Alfraudie on the commission trail

If TonyMo can do it, so can Alfraudie. All the way to Melbourne?

 

 

Come for the horse race

Learn about havingness…

Next week they be showing the WWE and teaching you about ARC.

 

 

Really?

I suspect (as Melbourne org is STILL not St Hill size and thus has no Universe Corps) she didn’t pay for this with her staff pay.

You can have it all as long as you had it all BEFORE you joined staff. And then it will erode away until you have nothing, but proudly announce it to the world as “having everything” (because the ONLY thing that actually matters is your “purpose” of being on staff and with that you have “everything’).

 

 

OK this is weird

They gave money to make sure the tech is available, as they realized this was needed WHILE they were availing themselves of the tech?

So, they already have the tech (of course) but they need to give money to make it available…

Scientology and logic does not compute.

The outfits are cool though.

 

Only in an ideal org…

…can a reactive mind be handled or where people can go free.

Otherwise, no dice.

Those groups, missions and non-ideal orgs might a well close their doors officially.

That these people have bought this line is an astonishing job of salesmanship.

 

 

A Sea Org Recruiter at a Mission?

What? He is not in the Sea Org but is recruiting for the Sea Org.

Sean — why aren’t YOU in the Sea Org?

 

 

Don’t leaf me hanging?

Nothing corny about this….

 

 

Learn how to get people to watch scientology TV

Clive Rabey is now the expert on this too…

And given his unparalleled success in managing to get no less than 6,000 people started on OT VII in more than 30 years you can bet the CSN is going to see a huge spike in viewers…

 

 

A special guest star?

Wonder if they’re bringing James Barbour back for a redemption tour (if you don’t know this story, google it)…

Otherwise, why not name the person?

 

Foolishness

Requires no comment. Makes no sense whatsoever.

 

 

We can’t even launch our launch…

 

 

You really love social media?

Except for all those things that are not favorable to scientology.

And BTW, didn’t they tell you, “Curious?” is not to be used any more because SP’s have been making fun of it?

 

 

How much further can you get?

No further.

 

 

I guess he forgot why he donated?

One of the stranger posters ever…

 

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Filed Under: Funnies Tagged With: fundraising, funnies, IAS, Ideal Orgs, L. Ron Hubbard, public relations

Comments

  1. Peggy L says

    November 11, 2018 at 2:02 pm

    Geeze – Dang,
    Just let a salesperson in, At first, since I am way too into watching out for cults now, when I answered the door they asked me if I’d ever heard of, I can’t remember the exact words but something like clean life bla bla bla. Turned out they selling vacuums and were desperate to do one more demo though so they could get home to their children. Then they ran the vacuum just in a short area, why oh why didn’t I seem more interested and ask them to keep going, including the upstairs!! They had a rug scrubber too!! Duh I did get a free can of air freshener though. Oh well, back to doing my own vacuuming.

    Reply
  2. Balletlady says

    November 9, 2018 at 9:43 am

    That beautiful curly haired little boy, Sebastian Padro….already at his age a “Lifetime Member” of COS at his parent’s behest. Many parents choose a religion for their child, and we well understand that. As Mike would say “children brought into the fold” as many other parents who “believe” do this to the children who don’t have the maturity or mental capacity until the brain is fully developed when we are in our early 20s’…to understand what’s really going on.

    Well, as you know, when you are forbidden to look into other religions, or forbidden to seek information by reading printed or on line materials about other ways of life, when you are forbidden to seek for information outside the ever floating “realm” you WILL believe everything you are being spoon fed…and the ONLY beverage ever offered is the Kool Aid….apparently defend to the death…otherwise risk everything & anything you’ve ever know…disconnected from it all……to some, death would be easier then blowing/escaping/leaving…..and so it goes

    Reply
  3. Richard says

    November 9, 2018 at 9:38 am

    Tony Muhammad is now a world traveller promoting his second favorite religion. I guess it pays to keep an open mind. I don’t know if there are any NOI in Melbourne. Maybe he’s doing a dual promotion.

    If one whale chips in a million dollars to the IAS that’s a juicy commission. It’s not the quantity of IAS donations that counts, it’s the “quality”.

    Reply
    • Richard says

      November 9, 2018 at 9:56 am

      I think it’s unlikely that the NOI consider Scn a religion. It’s a “mental practice”.

      Reply
      • PeaceMaker says

        November 9, 2018 at 1:19 pm

        The NOI – and the CofS – are trying to play the old angle that Dianetics is just secular self-improvement. Many may indeed believe that, but as ISN has been documenting, some of the NOI members are advancing up the Scientology bridge, so it’s hard to imagine that they’re not reaching the point where they are “expected to and do become fully devoted to Scientology to the exclusion of other faiths” as Scientology put it to the IRS.

        Reply
        • Richard says

          November 9, 2018 at 3:41 pm

          I wasn’t paying attention. It’s Rev. Alfreddie not Tony who’s in Melbourne. IAS commissions beckon.

          Without getting into the head of a combination NOI/Scientologist who knows what they’re thinking?

          Reply
        • Richard says

          November 9, 2018 at 5:32 pm

          What we factually know at this point is that NOI who engage in Scn proudly display their Scn certificates. Some of them are on the OT levels. How or if they reconcile Hubbard’s Wall Of Fire and body thetans with NOI doctrine is a mind twister!

          Reply
      • Aquamarine says

        November 9, 2018 at 2:42 pm

        I agree, \Richard. That’s the NOI’s “think” on THEIR connection to Miscavige’s “church”.

        On the other hand, for Scientology’s part, per what LRH said, (paraphrased): “A Scientologist is someone who practices Scientology.”

        NOI’s practice Scientology and do a lot more.

        The NOI get Scientology auditing, Dianetic auditing and training,

        Their leaders hold seminars touting Scientology. Tony Mohammed and Alfreddie Johnson get IAS memberships for Scientology and receive commissions from Miscavige for doing so.

        Their leaders reg NOI to bring in new public for Scientology., in fact, NOI’s leadership MANDATE Scientology and/or Dianetic auditing and training for their members who desiring leadership roles in the NOI.

        Scientology gave Tony Mohammed the Freedom Medal in 2017. There is no higher honor than this in Scientology.

        NOIs, their members and their leaders, ARE Scientologists.

        For better or worse, Scientology owns them.

        Reply
        • Richard says

          November 9, 2018 at 4:19 pm

          I don’t know how much Scientology owns them. Get out of session and then go to mosque and praise Allah? It’s unknown what the internal setup is for dealing with NOI. Do they go to Ethics and agree to security checks? Are NOI told they can’t do “other practices” while doing Scientology? Who knows? Fascinating.

          Reply
          • Aquamarine says

            November 9, 2018 at 10:53 pm

            Except the NOIs don’t believe in Allah at all. They don’t read the Koran. They’re not Muslims. They don’t pray to Mecca. NOI’s Muslim-ness is pure window dressing. Google = votre ami.

            Reply
        • Kyle says

          November 9, 2018 at 8:10 pm

          I would say Scientology owns NOI about as much as a man who puts a leash on a tiger and calls it his.

          Reply
          • Aquamarine says

            November 9, 2018 at 11:11 pm

            How can it not?

            Scientology considers anyone who buys a BOOK a Scientologist!

            NOIs get auditing, they get training, they deliver and receive Dianetic auditing, They take Basics courses like Success Thru Communication, they get PTS handlings when they can’t be on course, they attend Scientology events, they join the IAS, they reg for the IAS, they fundraise for the IAS and for Ideal M’orgs, NOI leaders give seminars on the benefits of Scientology, , their #2 Leader was given the IAS Freedom Medal, Flag regularly holds events for NOI members – these people are ALL OVER the orgs for one reason or another, Harlem M’ORg in New York City was touted as needing to be Ideal so as to service the NOIs who largely live in NYC.

            These people are not Scientologists? Please!

            Per the Church of SCIENTOLOGY’S own definition of what a Scientologist is, the NOI certainly fit the description!

            What more would the NOI members have to DO for Scientology to consider them Scientologists?

            Reply
  4. Jere Lull (38 years recovering) says

    November 9, 2018 at 12:42 am

    A “New Year’s” event on December 22? That would be quite the bash if it did last 10 or 11 days, but stats would crash right after. As if the stats haven’t crashed already…. AND they’d have to break into someone’s ‘secret’ stash to keep spirits up that long. Naaah, it’ll be a ‘dry’ regging-only event for one day only, though it’ll feel like weeks, with no one able to celebrate anything afterwards; no money, energy, or credit left.

    Reply
  5. PeaceMaker says

    November 8, 2018 at 11:24 pm

    I finally got around to looking up Igor Kovic. Like a lot of their remaining members in movies and on TV, it appears he’s character rather than leading actor, with appearances but no full series, and a rather thin resume at that:

    https://www.imdb.com/name/nm5609647/

    “In 1992 he went to Taiwan and made it his home. Igor is a recognizable figure in Taiwan showbiz industry and has been a supporting actor in many local TV series.”

    I wonder if he’s one of those who makes his living more off FSMing than acting, something that I am increasingly starting to expect is a dirty secret.

    And, yeah, the part in the promo piece he’s in, about “Massive IAS campaigns….which have affected thousands,” sounds like a sort of Freudian slip letting on that despite massive efforts, Scientology and its IAS are down to numbers in the thousands.

    Reply
    • ctempster says

      November 9, 2018 at 3:00 pm

      “I wonder if he’s one of those who makes his living more off FSMing than acting, something that I am increasingly starting to expect is a dirty secret.” You hit the nail on the head, Peace Maker. Has been and never were actors now make money FSMing, Michael Roberts comes to mind. And many NOI people are in there FSMing like sharks in bloodied water.

      Reply
  6. Richard says

    November 8, 2018 at 9:00 pm

    Speaking of a “mentalist”, when I was in LA doing some training in the late 1970’s for some reason I went to an introductory lecture. Maybe it was part of a course requirement. There were about eight or ten people attending. In a part of the lecture the lecturer was talking about the mind being composed of mental pictures. He asked all of us to close our eyes and picture a house, real or imaginary, and when he said so open our eyes and put the picture somewhere in the room, which we did.

    He correctly identified some of the houses. “Yours was a yellow cottage with a white fence and you put it in that corner.” “Yours was a two story brick building and you put it over there.” etc. When I opened my eyes I seemed to see some “flashes” going by, but that’s as far as my picture reading ever went.

    Reply
    • Richard says

      November 9, 2018 at 2:54 pm

      I think in order to become a Hubbard Qualified Scientologist you had to recruit at least one wog* to come into the org for an interview or lecture. Body routing wogs in the 1970’s wasn’t that difficult. People were more trusting and the bad shit about scientology was mostly unknown.

      *wog – Surveys say that most people think political correctness has gone too far. Since I’m no longer a scientologist I’m now a wog. Or maybe I’m a fringe wog – or an apostate wog.

      A good friend was on a business trip in LA and he visited me. I took him to the ASHO org and he got an e-meter “pinch test”. He didn’t question my interest in scientology but I found out later he was kind of leery. He thought the pictures of Hubbard on the walls was kind of weird and may some other things got his spidey-sense tingling.

      Reply
      • Richard says

        November 9, 2018 at 3:26 pm

        I think that within limits I was able to walk him around the org. Looking at people in the courseroom with soup cans in their hands and sitting in chairs looking at each other would not be a college type environment.

        Reply
      • Richard says

        November 9, 2018 at 10:41 pm

        The e-meter pinch test is when you have the wog (lol) hold the cans while watching the e-meter dial and with his permission you give him a pinch. The needle on the e-meter reacts. You then say “Recall the pinch” and the needle usually reacts again which proves . . . . . . something.

        Reply
  7. Else Cole says

    November 8, 2018 at 6:01 pm

    The “Fabulous 50s Meg Banquet” uses a Breakfast at Tiffany’s movie poster image. Breakfast at Tiffany’s was released in 1961. Also, can they use that image without permission?

    Reply
    • Komodo Dragon says

      November 11, 2018 at 3:27 pm

      not to mention that Audrey Hepburn is rolling in her grave with her likeness being used in a Scamology ad. She was a true humanitarian, doing every thing she could to improve the living conditions of those whom were in poverty. Unlike the COS, whom could not be bothered to offer aid to anyone less fortunate, the whole “out exchange” deal of Tubby.

      Reply
  8. Aquamarine says

    November 8, 2018 at 5:34 pm

    Greg and Jo Ann Taylor, tricked out as 12th Century Crusaders, hmmm….

    Oh, right! The CRUSADERS! Of course!

    The brave, Christian Knights of yore, those brave men and women of the Middle Ages who left their comfortable homes in England and France and journeyed East to the Holy Land so as to slaughter hundreds of thousand of Muslims, with thousands of innocent fellow Christians, Jews and other assorted humans as road kill along the way – the Crusaders! Wonderful people, killing in the name of Christ! All for the glorious purpose of restoring Jerusalem into the rightful hands of the Holy Church of Rome. And ALL done, of course, at the behest of God and per the very precise instructions of Jesus Himself.

    Ah, yes, THOSE theta guys 🙂

    I must say it is a constant joy to me how the Church of Scientology unerringly manages to choose the wrong people

    Seriously.

    They never fail to validate and take to their bosom the very WORST sort of people, the most suppressive groups!

    Some examples:

    PIRATES.
    Cutthroats, robbers, cutthroats and murderers, the dregs of society, the most feared and despised criminals back in the day. Scientology LOVES pirates. Often, Scientology events will have a pirate theme, and its members are encouraged to dress up as pirates.

    CRUSADERS
    Violent, bloodthirsty, factionalized, constantly quarreling and warring amongst themselves, those none-too-bright medieval knights and nobles organized by the Popes of the day into armies so they could go out and kill OTHER people instead of each other. The Church of Scientology holds this ancient group in high esteem. “Crusader” and “Crusader with Honors” are also names for awards that Scientology gives their mega-donors. A staff position for the Church of Scientology “is not a job, but a trust and a Crusade”.

    NATION OF ISLAM
    NOI’s religious scripture unequivocally states that Caucasian race are devils and the enemy of all people of color. The Nation of Islam also says that Jews are Satanic. In speeches to their flock, NOI’s leaders Louis Farrakhan and Tony Mohammed call for the extermination of Jews. NOI members are all now Scientologists by express mandate of the NOI. In turn, the Church of Scientology has thoroughly embraced the NOI. Seemingly, they are just fine with the NOI’s calling for the extermination of Jews. In 2017, the Scientology gave NOI leader tony Mohammed its most prestigious award, the IAS Freedom Medal.

    One wonders, what sociopath, what suppressive group will be the next to be enfolded into the bosom of the Church of Scientology?

    Reply
  9. Valerie says

    November 8, 2018 at 4:56 pm

    Well, a quick scroll through these flyers gave me the heebie jeebies. Can they not just find a nice clean font and stick with it? Really, why oh why must they mix so many fonts in every single flyer? Do they believe that keeps people interested? It is just jarring. It also messes with their ability to proofread simple things like

    “Ien joyed this course…”

    Other than that, it is also jarring to scroll through photos of tired people whose smiles don’t reach their eyes and very very young people whose future may not exist if their parents don’t make a break for it now.

    Rant over. Thursday funnies aren’t really that funny, tbh, they are kind of depressing because they show that some people still believe, or at least pretend to believe that all the money they are spending is going to fix what’s broken.

    I need to go hug a few family members. Glad I’m out and can do so freely.

    Reply
    • I Yawnalot says

      November 8, 2018 at 6:34 pm

      But, but… those flyers are from the masters of communication!

      Reply
    • Stat says

      November 8, 2018 at 7:09 pm

      Valerie – I agree. The flyers are depressing because it shows the cognitive dissonance working and mind control effectively tricking this poor fools in a prison of believe that $ciendollatry works or helps anyone.

      But don’t stop posting them Mike.

      I sort of look forward to seeing what stupid shenanigans $ciendollatry is up to.

      Reply
  10. scientology411 says

    November 8, 2018 at 3:11 pm

    Why Scientology doesn’t work in a nutshell…

    My dear coworker, would you like to join me for an evening of watching Scientology TV?

    Uh… no thanks. I’ve got some paint to watch dry.

    I REPEAT THE AUDITING COMMAND!!!

    Reply
    • Stat says

      November 8, 2018 at 7:11 pm

      411- LOL!

      Reply
      • ctempster says

        November 9, 2018 at 3:02 pm

        The most funny and absurd one was the advertisement for a Spanish speaking (translation, doesn’t know much English) nanny and for the big bargain low pay of $100,000 a year. Dream on! Or maybe for that kind of money the nanny will have extra duties of sex toy for the husband in the family. It worked for Arnold Schwartzeneger.

        Reply
  11. Chuckles says

    November 8, 2018 at 2:42 pm

    Why is there a Scientology building in Battle Creek, Michigan? I googled, and there is an article about them remodeling a building for an org. The article says there are a few thousand Scientologists in Battle Creek. I know Scientology is lying about that, but why was there an org there when there is also one in Detroit and one in Chicago? Seems a strange location.

    Reply
    • Mark Foster says

      November 8, 2018 at 5:34 pm

      Chuckles, strong is the logic with you. Not so with scientology, intent as it is on expanding its global Potemkin Village.

      Reply
    • PeaceMaker says

      November 8, 2018 at 6:10 pm

      Scientology’s locations seem to be accidents of history – often coming down to one or more key people who worked to get a local group going. As I understand it, the Battle Creek org traces its roots to a mission in Ann Arbor, home of once-prominent member and erstwhile author Ruth Minshull, that was made into an org in one of the “stat pushes” that resulted in the elevation of several marginal locations. It must have been failing, and was moved to Battle Creek nearly two decades ago, probably because of one or more key individuals there who were willing to work to keep it open – possibly among them those involved in one of the more successful Narconon franchises.

      Kalamazoo-Battle Creek-Portage is 151st in size among US metropolitan areas, probably by far the smallest with an org. Its original home in Ann Arbor, 80 miles away, is actually considered part of the Detroit metro area, and the Detroit org is closer to there, so they effectively left any local membership base behind when they moved.

      Looking up a couple of things, I discovered that “small and failing orgs” is actually a Scientology management term!

      It will be interesting to see if these smallest and worst failing of the orgs actually get their “ideal” buildings, or what ends up happening to them.

      Reply
      • Chuckles says

        November 9, 2018 at 2:20 pm

        Thank you. That’s very helpful.

        Reply
  12. PeaceMaker says

    November 8, 2018 at 2:41 pm

    It’s quite the juxtaposition to have Sean Dernehl writing from Flag to recruit for the Sea Org, followed by promo for a South Coast mission event with Roberto Banke (sometimes seen as Bank e). Dernehl was the South Coast mission holder who also took over Ocala (wasn’t that supposed to be Travolta’s?) a couple of years ago – but Banke, who’s apparently something of a “whale,” has now assumed the reins of both missions, I’m guessing because he has the deep pockets to keep them open even if they’re losing money.

    And it’s interesting to hear from the tiny, failing New Haven org, which is rare. Like the other little orgs in their sad state, they have little or no social media presence, either, their last post having been over 6 months ago when they were probably required to put something up about the debut of ScnTV.

    Reply
    • Natasha Taninpea says

      November 8, 2018 at 7:04 pm

      There is not any promo coming out of St Louis Org. It is very dead, according to my source.

      Not much happening in the tiny little mORGue in St Louis.

      The last I heard, they were selling the Ideal Org building located in Lafayette Square and keeping the building they are on at 6901 Delmar Avenue.

      Many members were financially ruined to donate money for that Ideal Scam.

      Can they do this legally? Scientology lies about their expansion and how they need a money now, now now…then they change their mind and keep the money. Then they will sell the property and keep that money too??

      Wow – talk about getting rich by peddling religion to save the planet and getting members to invest in real estate across the globe. Lying about expansion and the need for more space.

      Last I heard, Scientology in St Louis had collected over $4,000,000 from the broke and broken field.

      A women named Kathy Jordan was bamboozled out of a couple of million.

      The two executive directors. Chad Lane and Matt Hanses, moved closer to the Org at 6901 Delmar and recently purchased homes in the area.

      The Org on Delmar is still vacant and no new people coming in, according to my associates still pretending to be part of the group so they don’t lose their family and friends.

      They report all of the goings on in St Louis and I will report to you SP’s ….out there in Wog Land.

      This is Reporter Natasha Taninpea signing out.

      Reply
      • Ann Davis says

        November 9, 2018 at 11:00 am

        Thank you Natasha. Keep it coming.

        Reply
      • Aquamarine says

        November 10, 2018 at 12:33 am

        Thank you very much for this intel, Natasha!

        Encouraging to me was, “…my associates still pretending to be part of the group so they don’t lose their family and friends.”

        I personally know 2 families totalling 5 people who are doing exactly the above for the same reasons.

        Perhaps its really true that, out of the Still Ins, a larger portion of them are actually pretending and UTR and not really in.

        I’d like to think so.

        Reply
  13. Computer Guy says

    November 8, 2018 at 2:38 pm

    “Your potentialities are a great better than anyone permitted them to be”

    And that has paid off quite well for me and a few of my associates

    LRH

    Reply
  14. UTR in St Louis says

    November 8, 2018 at 2:05 pm

    Why I dontated?

    Because Teddie Braggin from the IAS showed up at my door and would not leave.

    This is TRUE.

    Reply
  15. I Yawnalot says

    November 8, 2018 at 1:48 pm

    On my… the bs is overwhelming this week & I’m lost for words without my favorite fortune cookie, Chan the Man. Except maybe on that Sea Org recruiter who isn’t in the Sea Org, that’s different. From what rock did he crawl out from I wonder? ie “I’m doing very well here at Flag and miss you all so very much.”
    Who is he missing exactly? mmm… wonder what crime(s) the Ethic’s officer has on him – betcha it’s a soul/career/social destroying type to elicit that level of propitiation.
    Oh, and using a child poster photo for IAS donations – that’s truly sick.

    Reply
  16. MarcAnon says

    November 8, 2018 at 1:46 pm

    Battle Creek is a city in a metropolitan area with a population of about 130,000. The org is in abuilding that would be small for a dentist’s office. How many public can there be at the mOrg in Battle Creek to finance their “Going Ideal”? Can they even fill the parking lot?

    Reply
    • Mark Foster says

      November 8, 2018 at 5:40 pm

      It’s about filling Deluded Munchkin’s pockets/ offshore accounts.

      Reply
    • Aquamarine says

      November 8, 2018 at 9:42 pm

      MarcAnon,

      The fact that the org is tiny is the precise reason it needs a huge new building.

      Expanding the size and improving the quality of its quarters is the key to expanding the organization.

      You see, once the org obtains for itself a huge, beautifully renovated building, everyone in the area will flood in for services.

      Do you understand now?

      Well, neither do I, frankly, and for that matter, I don’t think anyone else does either, but, then, COB does, and,in any event, its Command Intention, so stop asking questions, and just do it!

      Reply
  17. editorchrisshugart says

    November 8, 2018 at 1:35 pm

    “Flash mobs are so exhilarating and uplifting.” What a testament to Scn’s clueless naivete. No doubt that Alexandra is completely unaware that flash mobs and Scn are so yesterday. Anonymous crushed that one years ago.

    Reply
  18. Ann Davis says

    November 8, 2018 at 1:08 pm

    I still can’t believe they can’t do better than this crap! Lol. Those adds are truly pathetic. And scary. The child one is so heartbreaking.

    Reply
  19. Peabody says

    November 8, 2018 at 12:57 pm

    Hey Clive, how many of your OTVII starts have blown in the last 30 years?

    Reply
    • I Yawnalot says

      November 8, 2018 at 6:41 pm

      Oh… I’d hazard a guess and say 80%+

      Reply
    • Newcomer says

      November 9, 2018 at 10:18 am

      count me in!

      Reply
  20. Peabody says

    November 8, 2018 at 12:57 pm

    Hey Sean, we are awaiting the launch of the third season of the Aftermath.

    Reply
  21. Peabody says

    November 8, 2018 at 12:56 pm

    This James Barbour?
    In April 2006, Barbour was arrested and charged with statutory rape of a female minor five and half years prior. In the Fall of 2006, he was indicted by a grand jury in New York for said crime. In January 2008, he pleaded guilty to two misdemeanor counts of endangering the welfare of a minor in exchange for a lesser sentence of 60 days in jail and three years-probation. Also, in accordance with his plea bargain, Barbour made a public allocution to these misdemeanors. He began his sixty-day jail sentence at Rikers Island on February 29, 2008.

    Reply
    • Aquamarine says

      November 8, 2018 at 5:37 pm

      Interesting, Peabody. Sounds like CO$ has their next IAS Freedom Medal Winner 🙂

      Reply
  22. Balletlady says

    November 8, 2018 at 12:30 pm

    Too damned funny….”Kovic, renowned actor in Asia”……hahahahahha! Does he go by a more acceptable Asian name such as “Won Hung Lo”

    Reply
    • Peabody says

      November 9, 2018 at 11:39 am

      Sum Ting Wong

      Reply
  23. BKMole says

    November 8, 2018 at 12:24 pm

    What a parade of idiotic promotions. In particular Cosimo Sherman a second generation bubble dweller who never had to venture out in the real world is going to tell me how to be “Cause Over Life” and illusionist Stan Gerson who made his money in real estate. Will amaze us with his magic. Mike I Hope season 3 of Aftermath hits Scientology hard. It needs to do a 5X contraction before years end.

    Reply
  24. Belynda says

    November 8, 2018 at 12:02 pm

    The last person who pulled off a scam of this magnitude was Evita Peron . . . employing pretty much the same tactics on all accounts. The words to one of the songs from the play / movie keep Rolling around in my head . . . ‘and the money kept Rolling in . . . (and out) ‘. Just a thought.

    Reply
  25. Peggy L says

    November 8, 2018 at 11:56 am

    Cringe Corner? Cringe Worthy!!! Oh my gosh that’s beyond cringe. Just how much does a sacrificial lamb go for these days? Heaven help that beautiful little child.

    Reply
  26. Dotey OT says

    November 8, 2018 at 11:31 am

    It’s good to see Norman Herring is still around and kicking. Not surprising they have him touring. An friend of mine was getting the L’s delivered by him, Norman as an auditor was falling asleep in session. Not a great thing to have happen at L’s rates.

    Reply
  27. Mark Foster says

    November 8, 2018 at 11:25 am

    Good golly, I feel jolly!
    I’m a silver masturbatorius!
    Matter, energy, space, and time are mere ” considerations “, which is why I regularly jog on airport runways, teleport myself around the planet, and ” mock up ” limitless credit so that I can ” flow power ” to Corn Cob’s Macallan habit and buy Calypso Louie and his Tool Tony
    Achmed, oops! Muhammad…new suits, shiny shoes, and lots of plant-based pomade
    ( workin’ that 21st century wave ). I’m an OaTmeal Being, brimming with postulates and glee, and not only are my BT’s exorcised, they are totally free! I’m a class 9 wanker with splenty of spooge…and I’m all about being a Homo Flubbard Stooge! Dig my groovy, slinky moves on life’s spinning wheel -and the way I control shit with my stare of steel ! I’m a legend, a beast, truly one of a kind…in the desolate, arid wasteland of my wee cult mind!
    Curious?

    Reply
    • Valerie says

      November 8, 2018 at 5:02 pm

      Well hell yes I am curious. I am curious when you are going to spend some of that unlimited credit you have mocked up on buying some of the shiny baubles I have mocked up just for you to purchase in your never ending quest for more um um um oh yeah! .. enshinyment.

      Step right this way.

      Reply
      • Mark Foster says

        November 8, 2018 at 5:49 pm

        Hold on, sweetheart, I just need a moment to slip into my custom-made John Lobbs pimping shoes, right after I finish my conference call with Pope Homunculus and The Execrable Lurid Fairycon…

        Reply
        • Valerie says

          November 9, 2018 at 3:32 pm

          Well, if you consider your conference call more important than your enshinyment, I will take my baubles elsewhere. ta ta

          Reply
    • Ann Davis says

      November 8, 2018 at 5:38 pm

      Mark Foster you made my day! Awesome

      Reply
    • Aquamarine says

      November 8, 2018 at 5:41 pm

      @ Mark Foster, LOL, and “flowing power” to your snark 🙂

      Reply
    • The Scribe says

      November 8, 2018 at 5:49 pm

      Mark, I recently became a Golden Porktorious Erectus and to be frank (wink, wink) I’ve never experienced such gains before. Even though I sometimes do feel like a sausage and owe my bank for the next 50 lifetimes, I feel privileged to be a part of the biggest forward push in this or any other universe – EVER! I just wish I could avoid the occasional sec chec, know what I mean? But, like COB said “…the price of that freedom we all must pay from now on.” Yay.

      Reply
      • Mark Foster says

        November 10, 2018 at 1:35 am

        Scribe! You haz stupor powers. I shall remember NOT to stand in front of your
        ” forward push “, ew!???

        Reply
        • Scribe says

          November 10, 2018 at 9:37 am

          That’s right Mark, lest you be crushed by Pigfoot.

          Reply
    • Stat says

      November 8, 2018 at 7:18 pm

      Mark Foster – You are fricken hilarious! I love you.

      I Spit my coffee AGAIN all over the damn computer!

      Your ability to translate Scientologese into Scientologese in the most satirical form is delicious for my mind to absorb. My cheeks hurt from laughing so much.

      Did you do Super Powerz or wtf?

      I love your posts Mark so don’t stop! LOL

      Reply
  28. pedrofcuk says

    November 8, 2018 at 11:24 am

    I enjoy ed these funnies!

    Reply
    • Ann Davis says

      November 8, 2018 at 5:33 pm

      ?

      Reply
      • Valerie says

        November 9, 2018 at 9:17 am

        @ann Davis He’s riffing on the typo in the Jesse Villinsky Basics completions flyer

        Reply
  29. whostolemycog says

    November 8, 2018 at 10:59 am

    Is Heather Biondi related to Pam?

    Reply
    • Aquamarine says

      November 8, 2018 at 5:43 pm

      wsmc, I can’t tell you how I know this, but no.

      Reply
    • Big Red says

      November 8, 2018 at 6:43 pm

      I thought the exact same thing. That would make perfect sense why Pam Biondi has a filter on regarding Scientology. I mean – come on – she is a government official in the state of florida that hosts a parasitic feeding ground for the giant tapeworm- Scientology.

      Reply
  30. jim says

    November 8, 2018 at 10:40 am

    Mike, Thanks for all that you do.

    Regarding: Lighting the future?

    For them to succeed in this they need to replace the dim bulb at the top.

    Reply
  31. smorbie says

    November 8, 2018 at 10:36 am

    I have a question for those of you have escaped or are UTR. Do you LIKE going to these events? Cause I’d rather have a tooth pulled.

    Reply
  32. The Scribe says

    November 8, 2018 at 10:32 am

    I have often walked by the Org before
    But it doesn’t hold the promise
    That it did before
    All at once am I
    Seeing through the lies
    Knowing I’m by the Org where death lives

    Are the regges near?
    Quick to wear you down
    Can you feel this way in any other part of town?
    Does enslavement pour
    Out of every door?
    No, it’s just in the Org where death lives

    And oh, the godawful feeling
    Just to know that Ethics is near
    The overpowering feeling
    That any second they may suddenly appear

    Where is everyone
    Scientology?
    Anywhere at all on earth
    Is where I’d rather be
    Let the whole thing die
    Time to say goodbye
    Walk away from the Org where death lives

    Reply
    • Aquamarine says

      November 8, 2018 at 5:45 pm

      THIS is perfect. 🙂 Thank you, Scribe.

      Reply
  33. kengullette says

    November 8, 2018 at 9:47 am

    Shouldn’t a world-class mentalist be smart enough to know better than to get involved with this outfit?

    Reply
    • The Dark Avenger says

      November 8, 2018 at 12:17 pm

      Yeah, it’s like Dionne Warwick and her Psychic Friends Network.

      Reply
  34. SILVIA says

    November 8, 2018 at 9:37 am

    Wow, a lot of disjointed messages to digest indeed.

    And you are right Mike, we have been making fun of the absurd question of Curious?

    We could be curious about how many off shore accounts the diminutive leader has, for example…..

    Or how come they need magicians, musicians, mentalists and what not to promote a reunion? Oh, yes I forgot, it is a reg event, not a spiritual one…tsk,tsk

    Reply
    • Kev says

      November 8, 2018 at 6:38 pm

      Poor Stan Gerson. He is so weird, if you have never met him.

      Stan is Oat Tea Ate.

      He does cool magic tricks but has been fooled by the master magician of all times – L Ron Hubbard.

      Stan told me he, as an Oat Tea Ate, never got upset about anything.

      See how magical the thought stopping techniques work?

      Not to mention the mind conditioning to never get enturbulated about anything because it will cost you A LOT of money.

      Clever little Hubbard.

      Oat Tea Ate only cost Stan a couple of million to have those Super Powerz.

      Poor fool.

      Reply
      • Peabody says

        November 9, 2018 at 12:45 pm

        According to New OTVIII Ariane Jackson, in Sept 1996, stated, ”Some of the problems suffered by OT8s are alcoholism, homosexuality (regarded by Scientology as a degraded, perverted activity only indulged in by individuals who are not worthy of having ANY rights in society), extra-marital affairs, voyeurism, heart attacks, strokes, criminality, and divorce.”

        That doesn’t say a whole lot for the first real OT level.

        And DM’s solution is to redo the entire bridge from the bottom up using some form of the Goldener Age of Tech at the preOT’s expense.

        Reply
      • ctempster says

        November 9, 2018 at 3:08 pm

        I notice they get Stan Gerson to do magic tricks, they get a wog mentalist to do tricks, but yet they don’t have an OT VIII reading minds? Stan told me how he does his mind reading thing. Somehow the writing appears to him on a little screen that he can see but no one else can. So his mind reading is just a trick, he just reads the card or the words.

        Reply
  35. MarkAnon says

    November 8, 2018 at 9:33 am

    Exactly how did a Nanny pay off a freeloader debt?

    Reply
    • smorbie says

      November 8, 2018 at 10:35 am

      Apparently because she makes 100000 bucks a year.

      Reply
    • Alcoboy says

      November 8, 2018 at 10:40 am

      Oh, the possibilities are endless.

      Reply
    • Aquamarine says

      November 10, 2018 at 12:44 am

      She made it go right.

      Reply
  36. Xenu's Son says

    November 8, 2018 at 9:31 am

    Why you are is in Scientology?I forgot. Looks like hot demographic trend for 2019.

    Reply
  37. MarcAnon says

    November 8, 2018 at 9:28 am

    The renowned actor Igor Kovic isn’t renowned enough to have a wikipedia page, apparently.

    (clicks refresh waiting for Scios to hastily slap one together)

    Reply
    • The Dark Avenger says

      November 8, 2018 at 12:19 pm

      Didn’t he work with Rula Lenska?

      Reply
      • Aquamarine says

        November 10, 2018 at 12:45 am

        Rula Lenska? Is that a joke?

        Reply
  38. rosemarietropf says

    November 8, 2018 at 9:28 am

    If we say something over and over it must be true! and that one email asking for a housekeeper/nanny to be paid $100,000 a year? LOL

    Reply
    • RichHaz says

      November 8, 2018 at 11:19 am

      Well she is a “cooker” there is big money in “cooking” meth wonder why she needs a job.

      Reply
      • The Scribe says

        November 8, 2018 at 6:34 pm

        I think to get that kind of money she’d need to be a hooker.

        Reply
        • Aquamarine says

          November 10, 2018 at 12:48 am

          As the French would put it, “Une bonne a tout faire”.

          Reply
    • MKM says

      November 8, 2018 at 11:21 am

      …and a housekeeper/nanny who apparently doesn’t even speak English? Yowza!

      Reply

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