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Thursday Funnies

December 9, 2021 By Mike Rinder 46 Comments

 

The Spirit of Giving…

To us.

 

They found one

A single person to say how great Battlefield Earth is. That’s worth promoting.

 

For good?

Seriously? Do you know how many NN grads relapse? About the same as every other program….

 

Kiddie Corner

She is 9 and learning how to identify SPs in her life

 

 

Come to dinner

Get a pitch from the “Captain” — sort of like one of those time share or cemetery plot offers. But I bet the food isn’t as good.

 

All about helping people

…relieve themselves of their savings.

 

 

 

Hmmm

Wonder if she is one of the SO members stranded there trying desperately to find a “replacement”

 

How you can help?

This is pathetic. Give us another 10Gs and we will give each staff member $1.25 bonus.

 

 

Targeting Young Scientologists

Send them to the Freewinds for two weeks quarantine in a motel. Just what every teenager wants…

 

 

They can also…

Be regged for any one of these exciting services

 

This is some big time stuff…

Now that’s an OT Success Story.

I really wonder why they bother with something like this? They actually think this is good? I’m in debt and now I can pay my debts a “bit faster.”

 

Free dinner

You just have to stay for graduation

 

You can be a scientologist and a Jew too…

At least that’s what we tell everyone…

You can also eat some fried chicken.

 

Lots and lots of Jewish stuff

Just don’t get involved in any of the “other practices” part of it.

When do you think scientology is going to come up with its own “scientology holiday food”? Rice and beans no doubt.

 

Some pretty incredible stats…

We just forgot to mention them.

 

Pop corn, Ice cream, Movie and Magic

Oh yeah, graduation too…

 

They wore that to get $5,000?

That’s Swedish Kroner. Malmo “ideal” org pitching in for Goteborg non-ideal org

 

Then how is it you SELL “immortality”?

 

The OCA scam

 

R6 Implant party and balloon release

Balloon release? You don’t remember what happened in Ventura?

 

Just weird

 

Trying to energize the Human Righters

They even provided them a “toolkit” to get photo ops with

 

Sunland is all happy!

What a feat.

Tujunga is next. Only 437 more neighborhoods and LA will entirely sane and happy.

 

They love “Human Rights”

Use those and suddenly you are legit AF

 

Vancouver Graduation

Has nothing to do with Vancouver

 

You can be a scientologist and a Christian too…

In their own words, most of them are!

Just dont tell the Ethics Officer.

 

 

 

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Filed Under: Funnies Tagged With: AOSHANZO, Celebrity Centre, Christmas, Columbus Org, Dublin Org, Freewinds, Galaxy Press, Hannukah, IHELP, Leslie Browning, Malmo Org, Michael Lewis, Nacronon, PAC Graduation, Patrick Valtin, South Coast Mission, Sunland, Vancouver, Vancouver org, way to happiness

Comments

  1. UnprotectedFlooferGoofer says

    December 11, 2021 at 7:10 am

    Wasn’t Emily Green a finalist for the Miss America Pageant a few years ago?

    Reply
  2. Sandy says

    December 10, 2021 at 1:08 am

    I hope someone alerts the Lake Forest CA city council on the upcoming cult balloon launch.

    Reply
    • Komodo Dragon says

      December 13, 2021 at 4:25 pm

      I “keyed in ” on that one also. Scientology again so out of step with current values.

      Reply
  3. Todd Cray says

    December 9, 2021 at 5:23 pm

    Am I mocking up the wrong universe here? I thought that a “bonus” is when an employer shares the spoils of outstanding staff productivity with those that helped make them happen. I had no idea that in addition to the extra windfall, said employer now hits up outsiders to pay those employees.

    Reply
  4. Todd Cray says

    December 9, 2021 at 5:20 pm

    That nine-year old is one brave thetan. I wouldn’t touch the “works” of hubbard even with gloves on!

    Reply
    • UndetectedRooferGoofer says

      December 11, 2021 at 6:31 pm

      Compare her face to Emily Green’s face. That is what happens to children who are given to the S.O. at an early age.

      What a tragedy!

      Reply
  5. Todd Cray says

    December 9, 2021 at 5:18 pm

    I was reading over the blurb of the staff woman in need of self-replacement. I read: “Being on staff is an extremely violating job.”

    Finally, some truth in advertisement, I thought. Until I re-read it: “Being on staff is an extremely validating job.” Alas, my hope for some honesty was in vain. Yet again.

    Reply
  6. GL says

    December 9, 2021 at 4:29 pm

    “Enjoy the 5-Star Cuisine”

    And for an extra $50.00 we’ll give you a scratch and sniff card, so as you look at the photo of each course as we bring them out you can get the added excitement of what the food you won’t be getting smells like because you’ll be too busy being regged.

    Reply
  7. jim rowles says

    December 9, 2021 at 1:06 pm

    Emily Green is NOT a happy girl. And millions of years to go, to go,…. to go.

    Reply
    • Cindy says

      December 9, 2021 at 3:35 pm

      If you read that promo carefully where it talks about staff getting a Xmas bonus, you”ll see it is not a true bonus. They talk about how with stats up you’ll get a bonus and boom your org. That is not how a Xmas bonus works. In regular businesses (what they call a “wog” business), they get a turkey at Thanksgiving or get cash bonus at Xmas independent of what the stats are. It proves that with Scn there is nothing that is free.

      Reply
  8. Zee Moo says

    December 9, 2021 at 12:45 pm

    Five thousand Swedish Krona = $551.22 1/2. Not much of a haul for long night of rah rah sis boom bah. I’d throw in a lot more ‘bahs’ if I was there. Swedish Krone are running about 1 krone to 11 Us Cents. That is not much of a haul for a long nights work.

    Reply
  9. Zee Moo says

    December 9, 2021 at 12:23 pm

    Tis the season for giving and giving and giving……postulate nothing coming in DM.

    As every clam now knows, any trip to any $cieno event is just another excuse to go deeper into $cieno debt. I do hope every clam stays home and does nothing to further Miscavige’s goal of total world domination.

    I do find it interesting that they are now mailing out WTH booklets. I would appear that no one wants to actually hand them out.

    Reply
  10. Doug Sprinkle says

    December 9, 2021 at 9:54 am

    I’ve been seeing on the news a lot lately about all the increased looting going on in Los Angeles. I assume that will steadily decrease as they get out more way to happiness booklets in Los Angeles neighborhoods.

    Reply
    • Loosing my Religion says

      December 9, 2021 at 1:01 pm

      Doug. Absolutely yes. The power of these WTHs is legendary.
      But that’s not all. Maybe – and I mean maybe – DM could even be called up to receive another medal as happened in Colombia.
      Then instead the handcuffs appear.

      Reply
    • The Moose says

      December 9, 2021 at 1:37 pm

      I think you are right. Obviously, the booklets won’t be the cause, but the church will take credit nonetheless.

      Reply
    • Cindy says

      December 9, 2021 at 3:36 pm

      Ha ha ha ha. I laughed so hard at this. Just like in Columbia they handled the entire illicit drug problem with Way to Happiness booklets there.

      Reply
      • Douglas Sprinkle says

        December 9, 2021 at 5:00 pm

        When I used to still get phone calls from some of them trying to recover me they would recount the Columbia story. And I got the impression they believed it 100%.

        Reply
        • PeaceMaker says

          December 9, 2021 at 11:36 pm

          Doug, they also believe that Scientology has 20 million members. Kirstey Alley has cited that figure, and there was a report of a visitor to the Austin org being told that by a staff member — in an otherwise almost entirely empty building.

          Amazing, or bizarre, isn’t it?

          Reply
          • Doug spr9 says

            December 10, 2021 at 10:23 am

            Yes it is. I recall one person calling me an idiot because I didn’t believe their claims of massive expansion.
            Another person from Los Angeles his name was Joey was calling me non-stop when the basics came out. When I basically told him I thought the basics were a rip off he called me the next day and started the conversation by asking me if I tended to distrust people.

            Reply
          • Xenos says

            December 10, 2021 at 10:45 am

            Some believe that to be the number in Australia alone. Whilst on a job at the Melbourne org i asked a worker how many Scientoliegists are in Australia, he responded with “their would be millions”.

            Millions being plural and Australia only having 25 million people, this young, poor guy believes at minumum 8% of Australia are Scientoliegists, a huge exageration is a understatement considering ive not once come accross a Scientologist other than those in the org and ive lived in Melbourne all my life. His figure would put it at worst the 2nd biggest religion in Australia and at best the overwhelming most popular. A great example of how scewed thinking can be when you live in a bubble.

            Reply
        • Cindy says

          December 10, 2021 at 1:56 am

          They do believe it. And the registrars even if they don’t believe it they lie to reg you for money to go toward that project to make you believe it.

          Reply
          • Doug Sprinkke says

            December 10, 2021 at 10:25 am

            Yes when I was talking to someone from Atlanta over the phone, I asked him if he seriously believed there were 20 million scientologists out there. His reply was he thought they were more than 20 million

            Reply
    • GL says

      December 9, 2021 at 4:42 pm

      I’ve heard that it’s reverse looting, people are returning copies of Weird, Trashy (and) Harebrained by the thousands to the LA $camology offices.

      Reply
  11. otherles says

    December 9, 2021 at 9:45 am

    Can something spiritual be done with a baseball bat?

    Reply
  12. otherles says

    December 9, 2021 at 9:42 am

    I’ve never read Battlefield Earth.

    Reply
    • Karakorum says

      December 9, 2021 at 12:59 pm

      Which is a reason to celebrate.

      Reply
    • Eyes Wide says

      December 9, 2021 at 3:03 pm

      Well done you!

      It’s the only film I’ve ever walked out of! And I had no idea at the time it was linked to Scientology.

      Reply
      • Deanoftruth says

        December 9, 2021 at 9:20 pm

        Battlefield Earth the movie was so bad I threw up in mouth a little bit. I lasted thirty minutes or so vomit free.

        Reply
  13. safetyguy says

    December 9, 2021 at 9:32 am

    Magic. Yeah, from what I read the only magic they show is how to make you money disappear. Into the black hole that is scientology. Never to be seen again.

    Christian and scientologist at the same time? Yeah, right. The two beliefs are diametrically opposed to each other.

    Why do they lie so much? Oh, yeah, it s all about the Benjamins.

    Reply
  14. SL1978 says

    December 9, 2021 at 8:59 am

    Very sad to see that little 9 year old girl on course. Hopefully she can break free soon.

    Reply
    • Karakorum says

      December 9, 2021 at 1:00 pm

      9 year olds wearing makeup and carrying mind-twisting cult manuals… always freaks me out.

      Reply
      • Aquamarine says

        December 9, 2021 at 8:17 pm

        Yes, I noticed her eye make-up. Eyeliner, mascara, eyebrow pencil. Strange on a child that age. She’s not on a movie set, after all. Then again…

        Reply
        • Cindy says

          December 10, 2021 at 10:59 pm

          Aqua, there was no reply comment on your last comment so that’s why I’m answering here instead of there. Thanks for the suggestion re a Trust. I’ll look into it. Of course I don’t have “millions” to be talking about, but anything I have I would like it if they could use it for education and NOT give it to the church. If the church knew I did this, they would be all over the kids to say that their “training” on the PTS/SP course qualified as life training and they’d try to get it that way. But I”ll ask around and see how this could possibly be set up. Thanks.

          Reply
          • Aquamarine says

            December 11, 2021 at 12:33 am

            You’re welcome, Cindy. Whatever you have to give them does not have to be swallowed up by the cult. You can manage this – you can control – if you’ll forgive my phrasing it this way – you can control it all from the grave, IF you have to. Hopefully you won’t have to 🙂 Get a good, anti-cult lawyer or estate planner. Someone on Tony’s blog would probably be glad to refer someone you could trust.

            Reply
            • Cindy says

              December 11, 2021 at 11:06 am

              Good idea. Thanks so much and Happy Hanukkah and Merry Christmas!

              Reply
    • Jere Lull says

      December 9, 2021 at 1:06 pm

      Such a beautiful little girl, great eyes. It’s a shame that scientology’s going to work her until there’s no life left in them.

      Reply
      • Aquamarine says

        December 9, 2021 at 8:28 pm

        Just another doomed child of the corn with no chance to make it in life. The irony is that these cult kids, with no education, no ability to earn a living or make it in the real world at the same time believe in their own superiority, reinforced by the hearty approbation of their clueless parents. These cult kids are deliberately being placed on the fast tract to nowhere. They’re on a a par with the poorest most ignorant demographic in the country, while at the same laboring under the delusion that they are superior beings! Oh, well. I hope this 9 year old somehow, someway gets out before the mental clay that is her so-called mind hardens.

        Reply
        • Cindy says

          December 10, 2021 at 2:02 am

          I hope she gets out before her mind hardens. Once my daughter was on staff they did the love bombing and convinced her she was exec and leader material. They said she’d commanded huge armies at a young age and that even now, age didn’t matter, she was such a Big Being. Of course the young kids eat this up. She went on to sign up twice for staff because of this and even dumped her boyfriend because she and he had made a pact she would NOT renew her contract, but she broke that promise and kicked him to the curb. But all this ego filling you were Joan of Arc BS and she re-signed. She even started ordering her younger brother around because he also bought into this, “I’m a big time exec” thing. And yet if she and he ever made it out of the cult, they would have no skills to make it in the world. No training, no education, not even just regular skills. So much for you commanded huge armies on the whole track BS.

          Reply
          • Aquamarine says

            December 10, 2021 at 2:55 pm

            OMG…omg. I would have eaten that up too when I was a kid. As a matter of fact I ate up the love-bombing I was given as a fully grown adult public. Ate it up.

            Wow. I’m so sorry, Cindy.

            And when you got into the cult all you wanted was to do better in life, to be your best and to help others be their best, inclusive of – especially inclusive of your own children.

            I’m so sorry. The only brite note in this tragedy is if and/or when they somehow, in some way wake up and leave, they have you to fund some courses for them to take to make them employable.

            Reply
            • Cindy says

              December 10, 2021 at 6:07 pm

              Thank you Aquamarine. Your words mean a lot to me. IF or when the kids cognite and get out of Scn, yes I”ll help them all I can to make that transition out, to get a skill, or education, to be able to function. I just hope for their sakes that I’m alive to do all this when they finally get out.

              Reply
              • Aquamarine says

                December 10, 2021 at 10:06 pm

                You’re welcome, Cindy. I’ve read your posts and know what you’re up against. Understood on all you’ve said. What you could do is set up a trust for them that they could ONLY receive if they spent it on getting themselves trained and/or educated for something – for this purpose only. The trust would pay the tuition or whatever directly, and then dribble into their accounts living expenses. Otherwise the cult will get the money.

                I can’t name names now but I know an ED of an Org whose very devout long term Scn husband is an heir to an incredible fortune. He and she are on an allowance from the estate – a generous one to be sure, but an allowance in no uncertain terms. They live very well but nowhere approaching the style they could be living in if they had direct access to the family fortune. His (possibly late – I’m not sure if this is a living trust or not) family set up a very complicated trust for him. They KNEW that if they didn’t the cult would very quickly get all of it.

                Not to infer that you’re in that financial league at all but if you do have something to leave them this concept of having them get what you do have might be useful, whether your demise would occur before or after they get out. If you’re worried about passing away before they’re out, just knowing the contents of your will ahead of time might (who knows) prove an incentive for them to leave. Just an idea.

    • Loosing my Religion says

      December 9, 2021 at 2:15 pm

      It reminds me of the first part of John Lennon’s song Working Class Hero.

      “As soon as you’re born, they make you feel small
      By giving you no time instead of it all
      ‘Til the pain is so big you feel nothing at all…”

      Reply
  15. Loosing my Religion says

    December 9, 2021 at 8:30 am

    Michael Lewis is really roaring now.
    I am increasingly thrilled by his creative genius in marketing.
    Everytime he becomes more and more snappy in his promos.
    In my humble opinion he could have included also Donald Duck and Goofie to leave no doubts.

    Reply
    • Jere Lull says

      December 9, 2021 at 1:08 pm

      OR the tin man and scarecrow.😇
      Guy isn’t making it in the real world; has to do it all in the bubble.

      Reply
      • Loosing my Religion says

        December 9, 2021 at 2:58 pm

        Jere at this point I seriously doubt he is even making it in the bubble. He is unable to apply what he tries to teach. Roar!

        Reply
      • Cindy says

        December 10, 2021 at 2:06 am

        Well Michael Lewis has no money worries. His very rich dad died and he inherited a lot of money. Then his son, an actor who played on Sons of Anarchy and did commercials and had roles on other shows, died. He inherited his son’s wealth too. I wonder if he also gets his son’s royalties when the shows go into reruns? So he has money. But otherwise, I don’t think he is doing well in life inside the bubble.

        Reply

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