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Thursday Funnies

January 20, 2022 By Mike Rinder 28 Comments

 

Nothing is Happening

Repeated showings of “Brief Breath in Eternity Event” — all have limited seats available (they are showing it in the broom closet).

Wonder what their “human rights activities” were on MLK Day?

 

Saving Mankind

“a little at a time” — like REALLY little. Like not measurable.

 

Columbus Org Birthday

Not sure what this is about. But you gotta wonder what they have to celebrate?

A whole bunch of stranded Sea Org members….

 

Is Tony Muhammad Invited?

Remembering is one thing, he doesn’t think the Holocaust was real.

And what does a “Muslim Woman Speaker” have to do with this subject?

 

It’s The Year of Ideal

Of course it is. It’s been that every year for 20 years.

Just look back at any promo from 5 or 10 years ago. It’s deja vu all over again.

 

 

Join the Sea Org in Italy

To achieve scientology religious acceptance…

 

Exchange Rate Hustle

Joburg North is trying to attract people from FAR away.

Can’t get anyone local to sign up and pay for anything.

 

The Sad Tale of CF

They always pull out these quotes about how important it is when they’re trying to encourage people to volunteer.

Didn’t seem to matter for the 15 years the backlog has accumulated.

 

Show Me The Money

Make Your Bridge Goals = Write Us A Check

 

Sterling Rip Off Services

Teaching Valley Org how to handle money???

Chase STILL hasn’t joined staff at Valley….

 

The Jive Asses

They’re going to explain how to go up the Bridge.

Want to bet most of them are not even OT?

 

Are You Alive Today?

More nuttiness from the Clown Prince of Pulse-Pounding seminars…

 

Not a traditional Thursday Funny

But brought a smile when I read it….

 

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Filed Under: Funnies Tagged With: Chase Wilson, Columbus Org, Dean Burke, Holocaust, Ideal Orgs, Jive Aces, Joburg N, LA org, Manchester org, Michael Lewis, MLK Day

Comments

  1. xTeamXenu75to03 says

    January 22, 2022 at 8:12 am

    Militant nasty to quitters pseudo-therapy/exorcism faux “religion” which only took the “religion angle” because it was open to Hubbard in USA. Faking religion seems hard, when your “religion” has so many features which are controversial and irreligious.

    It’s hard to sell one’s quackery, and it is doomed, as the ex member quitters supposedly spoil the show.

    So many steps to getting up even to reading and fully duplicating the final pages in Lawrence Wright’s “Going Clear….” book where Hubbard superficially admits failure to Sarge.

    So much volume to the Hubbard Scientology outfit, so much false promises, so much hype, so little OT powers displayed which merit any praise at all.

    Too much violation of the definition of the commonly understood concept of “religion” for Scientology to merit inclusion, not until they drop Hubbard’s stretching of the meaning of “religion” out of their behavior, which is so troublesome since Hubbard orders them to fanatically be so irreligious, as their survival path as a group.

    It just is so losing of a proposition to be stuck holding Hubbard’s bag. It’s futile.

    Best to skip to just the final two pages of “Going Clear….” book, read the credible first hand story told by Sarge Steven Pfauth of Hubbard’s admission of failure, and take that as the final “source briefing” and get one’s head and body and money and participation out of Scientology.

    Take the KSW challenge, “…if they are going to quit let them quit fast….” Hubbard challenges in KSW 1.

    Do that. Quit fast.

    ———————————–

    Spare yourself getting Scientology’s OT 3, 4, 5 6 and 7 exorcism of your “body-thetans” which you learn Xenu dumped and implanted with the R6 implants. You don’t need to be doing that exorcism of Xenu’s “body-thetans” off yourself.

    Quit and get on with other hobbies, and other virtuous endeavors in life.

    Reply
  2. GL says

    January 20, 2022 at 9:35 pm

    Nothing is happening.

    “…all have limited seats available (they are showing it in the broom closet).” I think you mean they are using –

    https://assets.catawiki.nl/assets/2016/3/19/a/8/9/a8992472-eded-11e5-9866-cecaa485dab9.jpg

    Reply
    • Jere Lull says

      January 21, 2022 at 9:15 am

      All have limited seats available — means there are limited numbers of attendees who NEED seats. Staff will sit on the floor if they’re not regging someone, of course.

      Reply
      • Mark says

        January 21, 2022 at 12:47 pm

        Jere,
        Limited seats are available…because the ones they auctioned off enabled the org’s estates manager to use the proceeds to buy 2 packs of cigarettes and a small container of instant coffee…in lieu of getting paid that week…

        Reply
  3. Anonymous says

    January 20, 2022 at 6:35 pm

    I wonder if their Holocaust Remembrance Day program included remembering Ron’s vicious persecution of Holocaust survivor Paulette Cooper.

    Reply
    • Mark says

      January 21, 2022 at 12:49 pm

      Anonymous,
      I am sure they celebrated the ongoing, vicious, unapologetic anti-semitism/racism of their N.O.I. cohorts…

      Reply
    • Donotkwetch says

      January 22, 2022 at 3:15 am

      Scher guten point! Achtung! Most scientologists
      voted Trump who is an extremist and a narcisist
      and who got all these extreme leaning people out
      of the woodwork and into the open. LRH was a
      narcisist just like Hitler and Der Fuhrer radicalized Germany
      from being the most democratic country in the
      world. The blind ARE leading the blind.

      Reply
  4. PlanetshipT says

    January 20, 2022 at 6:06 pm

    “How can other prople’s finance problems effect your prosperity?”

    Someone needs homonym-check in addition to spell-check. As written than sentence basically says you’re going to discover how to prosper off other people’s financial problems. Oh sweet irony, once again they have accidentally stated exactly what Scn does.

    Reply
  5. Briget says

    January 20, 2022 at 5:51 pm

    The whole Help with Central Files!!! thing is so ridiculous. If they really wanted to get the files cleaned up, they’d be shilling for some tech experts to transfer them to computer.

    But then, if they did what truly makes sense and *gasp* is actually up to date, it wouldn’t be Scamology. Because Hubtard didn’t SAY that you should save stuff to your computer. 🤭

    Reply
    • Loosing my Religion says

      January 21, 2022 at 3:34 am

      Bridget. Right. Getting the CF to be updated is a battle they’ve lost a long time ago.
      If what hubbard says is true – that an org without a functioning CF is psychotic – then we have confirmation that all orgs are and behave like psychotic entities (and not just because of the CF).

      Reply
    • Jere Lull says

      January 21, 2022 at 9:21 am

      Getting CF up-to-date is no big deal. I left a thorough hat write-up and the tools I used to bring Flag’s CF up to PT for the first time all by my lonesome. First rule: Don’t read, FILE!

      Reply
  6. ExScnStaff says

    January 20, 2022 at 4:52 pm

    **Unprecedented expansion**

    Somehow this tickled me.

    They need some serious word-clearing on unprecedented (and precedent) as well as expansion.

    Somehow I doubt they are using a long view where their precedent is glowing stories of Scientology expansion in the 60s (and 70s?). I’d put good money on the PPO graph mostly sitting zero for months, with rare spikes to one or two, and the idea of two consecutive weeks with a recruit would be “unprecedented”.

    The other, really sad side, is that the PPO graph of people recruited doesn’t actually reflect expansion. People not renewing staff contracts, people blowing, people being declared, and people being sniped by upper orgs mean the level of expansion can be stagnant or better called shrinkage. They could get an unprecedent week with *gasp* five people recruited, and get no expansion at all. (At best, they’d lose a few pennies on their paychecks as the weekly GI is divided out to five more people.)

    My time on staff, admittedly some time back, included a very brief PPO stint. The only spikes on the prior PPO’s graph were when the Flag / S.O. recruitment teams came around, and the dregs who didn’t qualify for S.O. got the high pressure to sign up and replace the people the S.O. were recruiting (more existing staff than public).

    Reply
    • Aquamarine says

      January 21, 2022 at 2:48 am

      “Unprecedented expansion”? Nah. What CO$ has going on now is contraction. WITH precedent.

      Reply
      • Jere Lull says

        January 21, 2022 at 9:25 am

        Contraction IS a form of expansion — in the negative direction. “Unprecedented”? Hardly. That’s been the rule since Davey’s first major action — at the mission network massacre. What a MAROON! But I gotta compliment him on HIS primary stats, the dissolution of scientology, being in Power! He’s the most successful SP and squirrel in scientology’s 72 years.

        BTW, today is “Squirrel Appreciation Day” Celebrate those lovable furry rodents and lay out some seeds and nuts to help them weather this time of the year.

        Reply
  7. Aquamarine says

    January 20, 2022 at 4:19 pm

    “…limited seats available…(they are showing it in the broom closet).

    Mike, you’re too much. I damned near choked on my lunch.
    Laughing out loud while swallowing shrimp chow mein do not mix!

    Reply
  8. Loosing my Religion says

    January 20, 2022 at 3:35 pm

    I think Michael Lewis should start thinking about retiring before he really crosses the threshold of embarrassment.
    One risks getting stoned to such an extent that one day or another he ends up knocking on his neighbors screaming to let him in while they yell at him that he lives next door.

    Reply
    • Jere Lull says

      January 21, 2022 at 9:32 am

      I thought Michael had vaulted past the threshold of embarrassment AGES ago. Just goes to show: Ya can’t embarrass someone who has no shame.😉

      Reply
  9. Fred G. Haseney says

    January 20, 2022 at 2:52 pm

    Re: Sterling Rip Off Services

    Dear Chase,

    What exactly is a “prople”? How many prople do you hope to have at your next event?

    I worked at Sterling Management Systems for about 7 years (I remember you as a little boy). The thing is, I don’t remember any prople ever attending Sterling’s events back then.

    Reply
    • Chris Shugart says

      January 20, 2022 at 3:50 pm

      Get him into Qual immediately. He needs to re-tread the Proofreader Rundown.

      Reply
  10. Fred G. Haseney says

    January 20, 2022 at 2:26 pm

    Re: Nothing is Happening

    “Thirty days hath September, April, June and November.”

    I have a news flash for the org in Central Ohio: there are THIRTY-ONE days in January.

    Nothing happened on January 31 at that org!

    Reply
  11. mwesten says

    January 20, 2022 at 2:03 pm

    Re Reddit, I’m guessing that’s why the likes of Beck, Prepon, Lewis, et al., claim to no longer “identify” as scientologists…so as to win back some PR points without committing the high crime of “publicly departing scientology.”

    Despite yesterday’s news, this half-in/half-out strategy may still not be enough to legally extricate themselves from the church’s justice orbit.

    https://tonyortega.org/2022/01/19/scientology-arbitration-denied-appeals-court-revives-lawsuit-by-masterson-accusers/

    Reply
  12. Zee Moo says

    January 20, 2022 at 12:39 pm

    I have to agree that Dr Phil is a jackasses bung hole.

    I see Mickey Chan is back on the reg wagon. I wonder why DM keeps him around? Does he and Mike Lewis actually bring in enough money to make them $cienoClebs?

    Thank Xenu one of the speakers is a ‘trained OT’. I wouldn’t want any untrained OT reg me.

    Reply
  13. Mark says

    January 20, 2022 at 11:11 am

    The “UK BUZZ” is a) the sound of flourescent lights vibrating in empty orgs in the UK
    b) the sound of Plymouth org’s 10 members snoring c) the farting of Sea Org members after they consume their daily rations of rice and beans

    Michael Lewis=Tone 40, uptone, gleeful public wanking…for an audience of 3 people and the stuffed animal used for “training routines”

    The answer to Chase Wilson’s question, “How to handle your finances and prosper in 2022?” is:
    LEAVE SCIENTOLOGY!

    Reply
  14. grisianfarce says

    January 20, 2022 at 10:09 am

    Did the Jive Aces uses the medium of interpretive dance to explain why I should go up the bridge now?

    Reply
  15. otherles says

    January 20, 2022 at 9:44 am

    Everyone is welcome unless they’re a Suppressive Person like me.

    Reply
    • safetyguy says

      January 20, 2022 at 12:50 pm

      From all I have read, my favorite kind.

      Ya know?

      Reply
      • Mark Kamran says

        January 21, 2022 at 1:57 am

        🤣🤣🤣🤣👌

        Reply
  16. safetyguy says

    January 20, 2022 at 8:21 am

    I have a question:

    IF scientology is growing sooooo fast then why are there no “churches” in the area of the country I live in? Closest is Atlanta. I once worked for a company based in Atlanta. Visited quite often. Never saw the place or read about it.

    What’s up? Just another lie I guess.

    (no that I want anything to do with it, just a thought.)

    Reply

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