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Thursday Funnies

October 31, 2019 By Mike Rinder 41 Comments

 

 

JAW at it again?

“Superfan” John Alex Wood elicited a “Fuck scientology” from Eric Idle.

Perhaps the Pythons will have something to say about this?

 

Well, not sure about best…

But certainly poorest.

 

How sad…

His life was a mess. So he moved his family to Columbus to join staff. No doubt with promises of a place to say and good pay.

Expect he will reach out to the Aftermath Foundation in about 6 weeks…

 

Wow, what an honor

This is actually a thing?

 

Erm, what about “Done Sir”?

That was last month. All done Sir. California is ideal?

Now its the largest ideal org event ever? For Ventura?

 

COB Rocks!

Who knew COB was at AOLA delivering NOTs?

What about poor old Ron?

 

Awful Pay

Someone actually included the whole quote!

I thought the pay was “amazing” at the model, double St Hill size ideal org?

 

A scientology expansion expert?

Wonder why scientology is shrinking?

 

“Certified” Human Rights Expert?

Surely some of these experts are going to notice the human rights violations occurring in scientology?

 

Why don’t people say what they think?

They might end up in ethics?

 

Hope he got what they are worth…

In that case he will not pay off his debts

 

Like Simon and Garfunkle, Mutt and Jeff, Punch and Judy

It’s a FIRST EVER.

Two of the great scammers together at last.

 

The universe is in your palm

Pity you can’t do anything about the block around you…

 

We just don’t stop…

More accurate: We Never Got Started.

 

 

A Polish pianist

But is he any good? Or just Polish?

 

Oh no…

Don’t do this to greatest band of all time.

 

755,000 people on Twitter, Periscope, Facebook and YouTube…

Not actually “viewed” — this is the number “reached” (maybe…) that they then turn into “viewed”.

Got 40 likes…

 

A “tech” briefing

On what is the next step to make Pretoria SH Size…

If this is really true, then according to the “tech” the ONLY reasons they are not SH Size is because of their “out tech”. Should be an interesting briefing.

 

Can he help your mission improve?

 

Anything to try and attract the unsuspecting…

 

ScientologyTV needs this…

With just 40 likes they need help

 

Jungle Book Dress Up/BBQ/Rugby on TV

Only R100.

And oh yeah, don’t forget scientology…

 

Will anyone other than a scientologist be awarded?

 

Words of Wisdom

 

Anything to get them in the door…

 

A non-stop makeup marathon

It will make the Guinness World Record??/

WTF are they talking about?

Again, any gimmick to get anyone to show up…

 

A famous GOOT briefing

And delicious free “banquet” — I bet it’s neither delicious nor a banquet. Just some hot dogs and burgers on a table at the back.

 

Mad Libs “Success Story Edition”

I am certain someone is writing ready made sentences to fill in the cliche…

 

“Church of Scientology” Business Boot Camp

Nothing odd here

 

Should be a lot of fun

 

Cringe Corner

So. Sad.

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Filed Under: Funnies Tagged With: Columbus, David Miscavige, events, fundraising, golden age of tech, IAS, Ideal Orgs, International Association of Scientologists, Kids, L. Ron Hubbard, public relations, Scientology, Sea Org, tampa org, way to happiness

Comments

  1. Komodo Dragon says

    November 3, 2019 at 4:19 pm

    Regarding the Go OT Banquet poster: Why is the photo of that man photoshopped against the background of the roof of the building? The brilliant media dept. of Scamology knocking it out of the ballpark again!

    Reply
  2. Robert King says

    November 2, 2019 at 2:58 am

    It’s so weird to see them say things like ” come , listen to ( some speaker ) to learn how to improve xyz…. beca use so and so has been doing (whatever) for 36 yrs….”
    They don’t mention Hubbard even though the speakers only going to talk about Hubbard’s “tech” any way.

    Reply
  3. PeaceMaker says

    November 1, 2019 at 4:20 pm

    Their Hollywood ranks are getting pretty thin. Kim Blair’s recent credits are for roles as “Mrs. Danner,” “Psychic 2,” “Spray tan woman,” and “Teacher”- the first fairly far down the cast list of some indy film – and she’s been at it for 1995, starting with a role as “Hooker (uncredited).”

    https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0086292

    I’m not sure what “worked with” means with respect to the big names that she dropped, but it can’t be much. She looks to me more like hers could be a case example of someone who might better have stayed wherever they were, and gotten an education and a real job, rather than trying to make it in the Hollywood “industry.”

    And, yeah, I certainly wonder if “human rights” training isn’t going to wake up a few members, perhaps particularly some of the younger ones who use media and are more aware of the world around them, and lead them to see the various abuses including human trafficking that Scientology engages in. Though the ability of the diehards to be almost willfully blind, is amazing.

    Reply
  4. Jethro Bodine says

    November 1, 2019 at 8:37 am

    1) Polish Pianist – Well, Chopin was Polish so he must be good. Or perhaps they meant “Shoe Polish”? He’ll play the piano and sing in Blackface? Anything to get people in.

    2) Shane Brockdorff – He joined the Sea Org at the same time i did (1982). Nice guy (or at least back then he was); from Australia. I blew after 6 months and he’s still there. True Believer. I’m sure he’s eagerly waiting for the release of OT 9 & 10, LOL.

    3) Using the images of The Beatles to promote $cientology is not only wrong on many levels, but is quite illegal to do so without permission. Tell Yoko Ono about it – she’ll sue their dumb ass!

    Reply
    • Ulysses Kane says

      June 11, 2022 at 3:35 pm

      And here’s Shane back in 1992, then with a moustache, talking about how he felt when he first read OT3 – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=829Yj0hEFDc ‘Argh! Argh! Oh my God!’

      Reply
  5. The Moose says

    November 1, 2019 at 6:11 am

    Does the Polish pianist have a name? Let alone talent?

    Reply
    • The Moose says

      November 1, 2019 at 6:27 am

      Wait… His name is “Downtown Clearwater”.

      Reply
  6. David Bates says

    November 1, 2019 at 3:39 am

    Just one small question– if DM rocks, as stated, what about LRH. They just leaving him out now???
    The”Meet up” will be presented by DM in short order. ) Start a conversation— spit in the persons face. 2) relationship problem— send the spouse far far away. 3) get your relationship to next level— just give Lou a little more scotch.

    Reply
  7. Mark says

    November 1, 2019 at 2:26 am

    I feel…sad…for those new staff members.
    They have been lied to( recruiting in scientology =lying, cajoling, brow-beating, love-bombing, guit-tripping, lying, lying, and…lying!) They will work for little or no pay, for
    a slaver named Miscavige, in an empty org…
    I hope they all wake up and get off of the cult clown bus sooner than
    later!

    Reply
  8. Aquamarine says

    October 31, 2019 at 9:33 pm

    Willis,
    You perceived your life to be a mess. So you joined staff. Well, you had an MU on that word, Willis. An incomplete definition. Unfortunately you don’t have full, conceptual understanding of the word “mess”. Take heart, though. That’s coming. Soon – very soon, will you understand the word, “mess” in all its definitions!
    Much love,
    Aqua

    Reply
  9. Kronomex says

    October 31, 2019 at 9:22 pm

    I emailed Monty Python, with a copy of the flier included, just as a FYI a few minutes ago.

    “Classical Performance by Polish Pianist, Downtown Clearwater.” If I was Downtown I would have changed my name years ago and probably disowned my parents for giving me such a horrible name.

    “755,000 people on Twitter, Periscope, Facebook and YouTube…” No doubt all part of the extended Clickfarm family.

    Reply
  10. Bruce Ploetz says

    October 31, 2019 at 8:33 pm

    Why I Joined

    Seemed like a good idea at the time…

    Well, there was this girl, see….

    Join the Sea Org, save the world, and you can still play the guitar on your “free time”…

    Well, there were these girls, see…

    You start getting a bit older, see, going to job interviews with white hair and a walker isn’t working out. And it’s becoming pretty obvious that you’re never gong to have the bucks to pay your way up the Bridge. So it’s the best of both worlds – a “job” at a place that hires anyone with a pulse and free Scientology! What could go wrong?

    Well, my kids told me they’d start talking to me again…

    Reply
  11. SPeaking my Truth says

    October 31, 2019 at 8:32 pm

    “Two of the great scammers together at last.”

    Here is one of them (Andrea D’Agostini) promoting his multilevel Ponzi scheme (manning up its top positions with Scientologists) in Italy: https://vimeo.com/351799520

    And I still remember when he used to deliver seminars on the Freewinds based on some altered data from the Handbook from Preclears.

    For about one year, many of my Scientology contacts (at least half of them, hundreds of them) went on asserting on Facebook and/or in real life all the top attitudes stated in that book (“I’ll live forever”, “I’m an individual at will”, “I am myself”, etc.), because he told them that, by just asserting them over and over, those attitudes would become true. It looked like they all went nuts at the same time.

    He sure learned from the top of the orgboard how to make money from nothing, and he has quite a lot of “clients” in the Church itself, he doesn’t even need to procure them.

    Reply
  12. Imaberrated says

    October 31, 2019 at 6:19 pm

    The Ideal Org fund raiser being held at the Pretoria Ideal Org didn’t make sense.

    OMG, Shane Brockdorff. He harangued me many times as Senior CS AOSH ANZO. My troubles in getting through courses, especially the metering course, seemed to offend him personally. Management would have been casting a baleful eye on him for this failure. He presented as a ferocious taskmaster, dare I say, arrogant. He was a wunderkind in his time.

    About a year ago, I saw him on Glebe Point Rd. He was very cleanly dressed and looked like he was keeping in shape, but he looked old, and now that I’ve rejected Scientology, he wasn’t scary. I thought it was odd to see him there, because the AO is now out at Chatswood.

    Reply
  13. Cindy says

    October 31, 2019 at 3:17 pm

    I read the Game Changer poster about AOSH and ANZO and the SO member giving the talk is Gerald Peissl. He must have been demoted and shipped out after doing an RPF because usually New Zealand is where they banish bad Flag people to. He was the head honcho SO Recruiter at Flag. But to see him now giving talks in ANZO to me says he was busted and shipped out. I remember he was on post and then just gone and no one was talking about where he was. So my guess is first stop RPF and next stop ANZO. He must have screwed up on a recruit cycle.

    Reply
  14. Lliira says

    October 31, 2019 at 3:04 pm

    I don’t know if I can look at Thursday funnies any more. The fremdschämen is too much. (https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/fremdsch%C3%A4men)

    Reply
    • Imaberrated says

      October 31, 2019 at 6:22 pm

      Good word.

      Reply
  15. jere Lull (39 years recovering) says

    October 31, 2019 at 2:02 pm

    Right now, it’s 2 before 2. Will I get a call demanding to confirm my appearance at the IAS event in Britain? Somehow, I doubt it. My response to the last letter reg letter I received was pretty insistent that the cult has nothing I or my wife want. I didn’t quite curse, thinking that cursing would have shown me as a “Hot Prospect”™, a perfect staff member candidate.

    Reply
  16. jere Lull (39 years recovering) says

    October 31, 2019 at 1:55 pm

    That picture of an org (Ventura?) with nothing but the lights of cars going past is JUST what Dwarfenführer likes to see: an org without any pesky wogs actually stopping in but just zipping past.

    Reply
    • Aquamarine says

      October 31, 2019 at 9:43 pm

      Yes, the emptier an org is, the better it is for DM’s purposes! No need for staff, no need to service anyone, no need to handle staff’s pesky questions . Just keep a few staff there trying like hell to get more staff and public in there and of course failing miserably on both counts. So of course He is justified in making them feel guilty and responsible and inadequate and wrong, and while he’s at it with making the staff wrong like this he can also heap plenty of blame for the org’s failure their OT committee too! And he can punish the OT8s by withholding OT 9 & 10. Nothing but wins for the Suppressive Dwarf! Free real estate owned outright by him, and justification for endless make-wrong. Hog Heaven for Tiny Fists. (Meaning no disrespect to hogs.)

      Reply
    • PeaceMaker says

      November 1, 2019 at 3:38 pm

      And Miscavige doesn’t have to worry about cases of people going PTS psychotic, and even killing themselves or others, if the orgs are all but empty, and delivering little in the way of auditing and processing. I think that has literally been part of the calculation since the Lisa McPherson case, and several other similarly tragic outcomes around that time.

      The abreaction therapy that Hubbard saw and plagiarized, was abandoned by the Navy and others not long after – but before Dianetics was written, showing that Hubbard was typically actually behind the times. As psychiatry and psychology became more research- and outcomes-oriented, they discovered that such treatments actually made some patients worse; and that the often impressive-seeming initial results were illusory and didn’t actually translate into much if any long-term improvement.

      Reply
  17. jere Lull (39 years recovering) says

    October 31, 2019 at 1:43 pm

    Upon first read, “founding member” appeared as “FUNDING member to my dyslexia. Ain’t “learning disabilities” loads of fun sometimes. On second read, FUNDING is probably the correct interpretation.

    Reply
  18. Old Surfer Dude says

    October 31, 2019 at 1:33 pm

    “…and we wanted to make sure you were the first to know”.

    This pops up all over the place!

    Reply
  19. Peter Blood says

    October 31, 2019 at 12:43 pm

    And now for the new non-picky Sea Org it’s “Few to none apply, all losers, miscreants and breathing bodies eagerly accepted.”

    Reply
    • Aquamarine says

      October 31, 2019 at 10:59 pm

      Sea Org recruitment standards are extremely high nowadays. You MUST be a living, breathing, somewhat vocal, ambulatory conglomeration of protoplasm before they’ll even consider you. Not everyone can cut it.

      Reply
  20. Zee Moo says

    October 31, 2019 at 12:28 pm

    “The combined power of us all is far greater than the sum of each of us.” What??? In this case, A = A, the end.

    Certified by who, the Youth for INHuman Rights??? Yeah, show that ‘certification’ to anyone else and they’ll laugh.

    Superfans??? No goofball, you are describing a lower level of a MLM. Or a Ponzi scheme, if it is $cientology, it is both.

    Reply
  21. Deborah Edgerton says

    October 31, 2019 at 12:13 pm

    Meet and Greet-
    Starring:
    Kim Blair as the Spider
    Unsuspecting Actors as the Fly.
    “You will be Devoured!”
    Happy Halloween everyone!

    Reply
  22. Skyler says

    October 31, 2019 at 11:58 am

    You are a Founding Member? Really? Can you tell me what it was you Founded?

    The picture of that infant really angers me. There should be a way to punish this scam for using infants in their advertising.

    Reply
    • jere Lull (39 years recovering) says

      October 31, 2019 at 1:48 pm

      The scam IS getting its just deserves, NO interest from raw meat. That “Lifetime Member will hopefully learn to leave quickly, as soon as she can slip past those abusive parents to a safe space.

      Reply
  23. Miss Dutch says

    October 31, 2019 at 11:50 am

    Generally, I’m pretty proud to be from Columbus. After reading all the crap above, not so much. Excuse me, I need to go watch videos of script OHIO to try to lift my spirits.

    Reply
    • Skyler says

      October 31, 2019 at 9:33 pm

      Hello Miss Dutch,

      Would you know why we keep seeing so many ads about new staff for Columbus?

      Are they doing something terrible to new staff there? It seems to me like there are easily twice as many notices or ads about new staff in Columbus than in any other city. I wonder why that is.

      Reply
      • Miss Dutch says

        November 1, 2019 at 9:28 am

        I think it’s probably because they are supposedly going ‘Ideal’.

        Reply
  24. Cognited and Out says

    October 31, 2019 at 11:34 am

    If Cali is about to be Ideal, why is it burning out of control?

    Reply
    • jere Lull (39 years recovering) says

      October 31, 2019 at 1:50 pm

      “If Cali is about to be Ideal, why is it burning out of control?”

      ‘Cause COB likes it hot, Hot, HOT!?

      Reply
  25. Chee Chalker says

    October 31, 2019 at 11:34 am

    I might just have to bid on one of those leather bound books, which will make me partially responsible for sending someone to the Sea Org.
    I can’t resist – #6 looks so intriguing!

    Reply
    • Skyler says

      November 1, 2019 at 10:48 am

      Place your bid in the currency of North Korea. Then if you win, send them to some city in NK to collect.

      They will feel right at home. So much so they may never get back out.

      Do you know the story of some American Army enlisted man who defected to NK in the 50s and was hailed as a great hero in NK until his death? Very bizarre. But completely true.

      His name was James Joseph Dresnok and you can read about him on the net if you like. They even made a movie about his experiences. But it wasn’t a very good movie. Not terribly interesting except for all the parallels between The Scam and North Korea.

      Reply
      • Chee Chalker says

        November 4, 2019 at 6:24 pm

        I actually have seen the documentary about him…..very interesting.
        Even though he was somewhat of a “celebrity” (having starred in North Korean movies as the “evil American”) his existence seemed a bit drab.

        Reply
  26. Sue says

    October 31, 2019 at 11:06 am

    I have reported the Python ad to them as I did when the Manchester Org used the Python Image. 🙂

    Reply
    • Mike Rinder says

      October 31, 2019 at 12:23 pm

      Good work — so odd that scientology so badly wants to associate themselves with the Pythons.

      Reply
  27. Peggy L says

    October 31, 2019 at 9:45 am

    Cringe Corner?
    That’s sad and frightening, (and criminal). Baby for sale? Or would that be trade for status?

    Reply
  28. Belynda says

    October 31, 2019 at 9:05 am

    OOOOH! . . . the money squandered on this promotional crapola that should be going to Charitable causes! Makes me Livid! Will they Ever be stopped?

    Reply

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