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Thursday Funnies

February 3, 2022 By Mike Rinder 32 Comments

An International Top Executive

Not top enough to be named…

But this is going to “blow you away”

Never heard that before.

 

Wonder what happened?

The WTH “movement” in 2014 seems to have petered out

 

Kiddie Corner

Sad

 

13,000 scientology staff in the world?

Not a chance — but even if there was, each one is responsible for clearing 573,709 people? You want to advertise this?

 

 

Sounds exciting

Not really.

 

Maybe the only way…

…they can pretend they are “allied” with a legitimate organization

 

Immortality

Amazing how they sell something they tell you you already have

 

Isn’t there some CCHR activity in English you could show?

 

Oversharing Much?

You just ran around in circles for a few days. Relax.

 

 

 

More oversharing

One session?

I think they are quickying at Flag.

 

Ultimate Competence?

Last time I looked Capetown has had an “ideal org” building for a decade or more and it’s not renovated?

 

If you’re going to put out promo in English for a Swedish Org…

You might want to get someone who speaks good english to check it

 

Louis FK speaks

Scientology is going to make them better Muslims?

 

Don’t you forget it

 

They got 6 people together

 

Back?

Where did it go?

 

These models don’t look like the typical Sea Org members

 

This is an ACTUAL Sea Org member, in fact, it’s the International Justice Chief….

 

How quaint…

Wonder how an ex-SO member (she used to be LRH PPRO IXU) is now a featured speaker?

 

Book One needs revitalizing?

 

Lots of glitter….

She is actually ONLY known as the arm-candy of scientology hambone Grant Cardone.

 

Maybe it was too much glitter. They put out a second version…

 

Always sad…

To see these old staff members who serve for decades and get nowhere on the Bridge.

He’s one of the lucky ones. Made it to Clear. Wonder if someone regged him and he PAID for his auditing like so many staff have done?

 

If only they knew…

This “OT” level is pretty ridiculous, no matter which version they are delivering these days. But for anyone who hasn’t done it, they have no idea. For those who have, they go along with the bs because they said the same sort of stuff and they don’t want everyone else to think “OT 1” isn’t much different than Life Repair.

 

What a strange one….

They just picked a random person, took a photo and added “if you have any interest in joining the Sea Org”

Why would this make anyone interested? They’re dying to get themselves a flight attendant outfit?

 

More Malmo Swenglish

Rolf is looking a little like a fish out of water here, not quite sure what is going on…

 

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Filed Under: Funnies Tagged With: AOSH Africa, Bellaire Mission, Book One, Cause Resurgence, CC Int, CCHR, Claire Fouche, Colombia, Columbus Org, Danielle Palumbo, Elena Cardone, Greta Del Sal, Louis Farrakhan, Malmo Org, Maria Lara, Mike Ellis, Pam Van Der Linde, Red Cross, Sea Org, Stockholm org, sydney org, tampa org, Vancouver org, WTH

Comments

  1. Komodo Dragon says

    February 5, 2022 at 7:49 pm

    ….” scientology hambone Grant Cardone.”
    Mike you crack me up.

    Reply
  2. Alcoboy says

    February 4, 2022 at 9:40 pm

    Sea Org recruitment promo isn’t the same without Franck Paolo, Parker Osmon and a few others that Angry Gay Pope likes to harass.
    Not sure if that Angel kid was one of them.

    Reply
  3. Patricia Moher says

    February 4, 2022 at 11:11 am

    Hi Mike,

    My name is Patty Moher formerly Patty Pieniadz formerly an anonymous poster Cerridwen. I have wanted to talk to you for many years to ask you a few questions and I’m finally doing it. Do you have a secure email? Something like cotse.net or similar?

    Reply
  4. Overrun in California says

    February 3, 2022 at 10:30 pm

    Yea right, “What stable exteriorization is all about”. You tell me. I’ve been around Scientology for decades and have never seen it. Not once. Would be easy to prove. Go into another room, take something out of your pocket, hold it in your hand, put it back in your pocket, come back out and ask: “What was I holding in my hand”?
    No one’s ever seen it, you know why? because Scientology can’t deliver it. I’m not saying that this definitely can’t be done ever. But I am saying that it hasn’t ever been done by any Scientology techniques, and there are no Scientologist capable of doing it.
    Would be such an easy way to recruit. “Hey watch what I can do”! Such f**kin idiots.

    Reply
  5. mwesten says

    February 3, 2022 at 7:04 pm

    Unless the 13,000 “staff members” includes FSMs…
    Did they just announce their current membership?

    Reply
    • PeaceMaker says

      February 4, 2022 at 2:01 am

      mwesten, 13,000 also seems to me like it might effectively be a total count for active members and staff, figuring that most or all members count as FSMs. It’s down a bit from the approximately 19,000 in Scientology’s members-only Facebook group, but it’s a comparatively small enough difference to be accounted for by factors such as the Facebook group having accumulated a fair number not in that current count, such as the deceased.

      Plus 10,000 active members and local staff, and around 3,000 Sea Org, fits with estimates I’ve seen that make sense to me. One way to break it down is there are fewer than 150 “church” orgs worldwide; figuring a couple thousand members clustered around Flag and the LA advanced orgs, that leaves around 40 to 50 average per local org, which about fits with what we see in event photographs.

      Reply
      • mwesten says

        February 4, 2022 at 6:47 pm

        IKR. This could actually be a major reveal.
        If true, they’re losing some 2,250 members every year.
        The next five years will be interesting.
        Deadline scientology?

        Reply
        • PeaceMaker says

          February 5, 2022 at 1:33 am

          mwesten, I don’t think the numbers are quite reliable enough to draw conclusions about things like just what their losses might be. but they do seem to rely heavily on an aging generation that is just getting too old to carry on, if not actually passing on; that seems for example to be one of the reasons for a lot of missions disappearing in recent years, the longtime franchisees have just reached the point of retiring.

          Besides rapidly aging demographics they’ve now got the challenges wrought by the pandemic, on top of a disastrous decade as far as their public image. It will indeed be interesting.

          Reply
  6. GL says

    February 3, 2022 at 4:56 pm

    Ian Hammond, State of Clear: “I can think clearly and easily now.” should read, “I can’t think now my brain has gone.”

    What a strange one….

    OT V, Class V auditor, Claire Fouche is wearing the plastic gloves because she also has to feel peoples postulates before they enter the building. She is the Sydney Postulateologist.

    All the rest is the now hoary and tiresome old bs they churn out every week for the sheepbots.

    Reply
  7. xTeamXenu75to03chuckbeatty says

    February 3, 2022 at 4:04 pm

    QUESTION FOR MIKE

    I remember when the 1989 edition of the Oxford English Dictionary came out, it contained several Scientology words.

    Can you remember that OSA project and who was on it, who did that influencing of the OED to get the Scientology words included?

    (I played a minor backup part, I’d written to the editor of the OED and informed him that our “founder” Hubbard had ordered full sets of the prior edition of the 13 volume OED to be given to the various divisions on the Apollo, since our OEC/FEBC Course Room had one of the sets, and each of the OED volumes had the full issue telling how LRH ordered the sets be spread around to the divs on the Apollo. So I inadvertantly “helped” grease things a bit, possibly. )

    But who did the OSA project Mike?

    Any of them willing to go into the details how they bamboozled OED?

    ————————-

    Makes me think, that if the word of mouth publicly is WIDE enough, then OED can add XENU and “body-thetans”. to the OED as a sort of penance for them being hoodwinked by OSA.

    The boomrang effect of the XENU word is ripe for putting into the public domain, as a sort of payback to Scientology.

    Reply
    • Mike Rinder says

      February 3, 2022 at 5:56 pm

      Sorry Chuck. I dont recall.

      Reply
  8. Taffy Sinclair says

    February 3, 2022 at 3:08 pm

    Elena Cardone is a celebrity?

    The ONLY reason I know this hoes name is because I follow this blog. Non-scientology followers wouldn’t have a clue who this broad is….

    🤣🤣🤣

    Reply
    • Taffy Sinclair says

      February 3, 2022 at 3:10 pm

      Also, Grant Cardone blocked me on Twitter.

      As did Ho Villian (joy villa), Krusty Alley, various STAAD “writers”, etc….

      Reply
      • Alcoboy says

        February 4, 2022 at 9:37 pm

        Well, who needs them anyway?

        Reply
        • Taffy Sinclair says

          February 6, 2022 at 1:57 pm

          Agreed 👍

          Reply
  9. xTeamXenu75to03chuckbeatty says

    February 3, 2022 at 2:30 pm

    Thanks for putting Scientology’s promo and testimonials on the internet for all to see.

    Researchers ought to be happy you have done this, this is good for a long time.

    ——————————-

    I remember some of the early 1970s promo that used to be on the internet, the worst/funniest were some pieces I think from the UK where the staff men dressed up like the “regular” “Ministers of Scientology” but intentionally also pretended to be the Beatles.

    —————————–

    The very “personal” testimonials from the same woman, her Cause Resurgence “Success Story” and her “Scientology Drug Rundown” “Success Story” when you read into them, you see what this woman has attained, is the ability to mumble extravagently and say literally nothing. It’s a gift though, to be able to write “acceptable” “Success Stories” (the enforced testimonials, which if you write a “bad” one, unlike what she wrote, then you get sent to fix up supposedly what you failed to “achieve” in the Hubbard quackery that you are writing your testimonoal about.

    You become “Scientology Testimonial Writer Proficient” with the ability to successfully compose a testimonial that mumbles inanely on and on, and says nothing, but which passes Scientology muster for being an acceptable testimonial.

    This gift of becoming an acceptable testimonial composer, is a skill, and it is demanded to be demonstrated to be a “good” Scientology follower.

    That’s why Scientology is brainwashing. They train their members to become these proficient testimonial spouting garble garblers.

    Then infuse their emotion into their spouted testimonial.

    Temporary though this skill is, it gets them by, and they advance to the next level of the quackery, to qualify to receive the next, and in turn spout new nonsense how valuable their next and next and next step of the quackery has been.

    Trained brainwashed seals. Flapping their flippers at the quackery.

    It’s painful to read, or hear them when they have videos of these testimonials.

    But it is history, and I’m thankful you put it here for all to witness.

    Chuck Beatty
    xTeamXenu 75 to 03

    Reply
  10. Philip Jones says

    February 3, 2022 at 1:59 pm

    Ian Hammond, State of Clear

    Do we dare tell him that all those memories he “ran out” were just body thetan memories?

    Reply
    • xTeamXenu75to03chuckbeatty says

      February 3, 2022 at 2:37 pm

      Yes, please tell them. Get them all confused.

      It’s a service to try to befuddle them with the FULL lineup that awaits them, of the Hubbard quackery pseudo-therapy and then the exorcism.

      “Case” of oneself, and then “case” of one’s “body-thetans” which were mass murdered and implanted and deposited on earth to infest all humans today, requiring OT 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7 to exorcise and give a tiny bit of pseudo-therapy to the “body-thetans” to help them too!

      Very creative snipe hunting, targetting one’s own “case” and then the “cases” of the “body-thetans” left strewn on earth by Xenu.

      Scientology could be so much more easily and simply explained, but Hubbard dared not summarize his quackery soul pseudo-therapy and exorcism stepladder.

      Reply
  11. Zee Moo says

    February 3, 2022 at 1:25 pm

    How romantic is it to acknowledge your ‘2D’ in a success story?

    Reply
  12. otherles says

    February 3, 2022 at 11:29 am

    There will never be a special briefing on the shrinkage of Scientology.

    Reply
    • xTeamXenu75to03 says

      February 3, 2022 at 2:39 pm

      LOL, good one. Yes, that deserves a parody briefing, doesn’t it.

      Reply
    • Alcoboy says

      February 6, 2022 at 4:13 pm

      Ha, ha! Good one! I’m sitting here trying to visualize this Scientology event where the Dwarfenfuhrer takes to the stage amid cheering crowds and says something like this:
      “This past year, you’ve experienced Scientology like you’ve never experienced it before! From closing Ideal Orgs to massive defection of contracted staff and Sea Org members, from empty courserooms as well as a steep plunge in Well Done Auditing Hours, Scientology is going through a period in its history that is unprecedented! Stats that are straight down and vertical, and not necessarily at Unprecedented Orders of Magnitude show the world a Scientology that is failing on all dynamics!”
      Crowd breaks into loud, lengthy applause.

      Reply
  13. SL1978 says

    February 3, 2022 at 10:18 am

    Love how they are bribing blood donors with a $10 amazon gift card (with restrictions)

    Reply
    • Taffy Sinclair says

      February 3, 2022 at 3:05 pm

      The restrictions on the Amazon gift cards must be “no purchasing of entheta books!”

      Reply
    • ExScnStaff says

      February 3, 2022 at 5:30 pm

      That isn’t even the CoS offering a bribe. The Red Cross the one offering the gift card.

      Notice how the contact number and websites are all RedCross or RC? Even the copyright notice at the bottom is Red Cross with no mention of Scientology being trademarked.

      It’s basically a promo flyer from the Red Cross into which the location host inserts their name and address and nothing more. The only thing Red Cross blood drives tend to need is a decent-sized empty room in a building with enough parking. Something the CoS locations have in spades.

      Reply
  14. Doug Sprinkle says

    February 3, 2022 at 10:13 am

    I read the success story of the lady that did the cause resurgence rundown. I was impressed the number of cognitions she got from running in circles. Sometimes I run in circles on the running track at the gym. I must not be running in accordance with standard tech, the only cognitions I ever get is that I’m thirsty and that I feel like walking for a lap before I start running again.

    Reply
    • xTeamXenu75to03chuckbeatty says

      February 3, 2022 at 2:44 pm

      And she didn’t even know that Hubbard is out running in circles around a distant star, which is only revealed in Lawrence Wright’s “Going Clear….” book final pages.

      If the Scientologists only knew Hubbard’s plan to do the “OT Running Program” (running in circles around a distant star} to “rehab” himself as an OT.

      It’s always worse than the Scientologists think.

      I felt at least this woman did achieve the skill of writing a meaningless exuberant testimonial which passes Scientology’s muster for membership testimonial garble proficiency.

      ——————————

      In their Scientology “real world” the members actually get trained like seals to write and utter these inane testimonials, and they actually compete with one another at who writes the best “Success Story.”

      it’s sick group conditioning, brainwashing, they are doing to themselves.

      Reply
      • Doug Sprinkle says

        February 4, 2022 at 9:58 am

        From looking at pictures of Hubbard I don’t get the impression he spent a lot of time running around in circles, or running at all.

        Reply
        • xTeamXenu75to03chuckbeatty says

          February 5, 2022 at 9:56 pm

          Scientology is escapist in nature. Belief in oneself as an immortal soul, who can soul fly out of your dreaded imperfect human body, is their escapist theory to all time and space and “case” we all possess.

          Reply
  15. Elizabeth says

    February 3, 2022 at 9:18 am

    If you join the Sea Org, you don’t just get a flight attendant outfit … you get an unflattering, ill-fitted flight attendant outfit!

    Reply
    • Briget says

      February 3, 2022 at 5:45 pm

      And a nasty, crowded, bug infested place to sleep – when you are allowed to sleep. Such a great reward for the waste of your life!!

      Reply
  16. safetyguy says

    February 3, 2022 at 7:16 am

    I have seen this same type of stuff used in business over the years. It fails in the end. To sum it up it is simply:

    ” if you can’t dazzle them with foot work then baffle them with……. (hay processed through the bowels of a male bovine.)

    Reply

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