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Thursday Funnies

October 21, 2021 By Mike Rinder 30 Comments

 

We have quite a selection this week!

Dilettantes Get Away

Does this prize include an approved CSW from the Course Supervisor and D of P to not report to the org during the trip? (Of course there is no org in St. Thomas or anywhere else in the Caribbean other than Puerto Rico… despite the Freewinds leading the charge on clearing the planet there for 25 years)

 

For Eternity 

For anyone who doesn’t know about this — I recommend you check it out. Scientology has spent hundreds of millions of dollars of tax exempt money to preserve the scribblings of Hubbard for all future generations. They all need to be taught about The Weeper, 3DXX (Routine 3 Criss Cross), the Tocky GPM and how to wash windows.

And every time Miscavige comes out with a new version, they re-do it all.

 

Mystery Event

Awards to whom? Seminar about what?

The only thing for sure is that they will be asking for money.

 

No Comment

 

Anything to get some marks in the door

Wonder if I wore a mask if I could get in?

I REALLY want to see the Dead DJ.

 

This is very old hat

Stan Gerson was old when I was in the SO.

That he can make coins disappear is not really a qualification to explain auditing. Or maybe it is?

The “magic” of auditing is that you believe it does something and you pay for it!

 

Just what Hubbard needs

More kids to run messages for him…

 

FLAG FSM School!

Learn how to disseminate to raw public…

Why? Flag doesn’t service them.

 

 

Celebrate Christmas Sea Org Style

Either alongside a crap dock or in a crap motel in Aruba.

What could be better?

 

Stan must need some cash

He’s doing events all over the place.

Maybe Covid took a toll on his magic shows?

 

IAS or CC?

How is the CC Graduation about the IAS?

 

The joke is on you

100% certainty that these kids did it on a dare or for a laugh.

I walked through this place and they had no idea who I was. They asked me to come back on Tuesday because someone would be there then who could tell me about Dianetics. Clueless.

 

Graduation Guest Speaker

Why do they need a “Guest Speaker” at Graduation? They should already have too many people wanting to announce their “wins”?

And why a guest speaker who has nothing to do with auditing or training?

AND they also have a “special” IAS briefing….

 

They’re confused, but they’ve got food!

Why would anyone go to this special graduation when Graduation was held the night before?

 

Huh?

 

Sustainable Development Goals

Whatever this has to do with human rights?

Just an opportunity to “ally” some people… 

 

Girl Power

Look these people up and you will discover the truth of their status in the real world: Maya has a bookkeeping business (so does my next door neighbor), Hana-Li is known only within the world of scientology and Valerie’s website lists her clients, they are almost all scientologists.

 

Masked Legends?

She doesn’t have a mask.

And she is definitely not a legend.

She is just the chief fundraiser for the ideal org boondoggle.

Whatever happened to Quinn Tauffer?

 

He doesn’t have a mask either.

He thinks he’s a legend.

 

OMG he’s back!

The “Truth Movement” has a new leader.

This socially inept loser is not the guy you want to get your tips on how to live a good life from.

 

Watch Out!

Of course, it’s always happening on the other side of the world….

Doubt they have much access to Google.

 

The Kingdom is Open

And best of all, our prices undercut everyone else. We don’t want to say that openly, but it’s the reason virtually none of the people on lines at AOSH Africa are actually from Africa.

 

What is up next?

Frankly, not much. Just like the last 20 years.

But, hold the phones, the Jive Asses are going to do an in person briefing!

They are the world’s leading experts on scientology organizational technology.

And here they are!

They almost outnumber the staff and public at Manchester. And some of these are probably SO recruiters/regges too. Like the two on the left in the bellhop outfits.

 

Snooze Letter

He has been on a month hiatus? Could have fooled me…

 

The Godfathers of BS

Read their quotes and then ponder what sort of dignity they would bestow on someone who is pointing out the lies and abuses of scientology?

Yeah, this is like a Hubbard quote about loving his enemies. Hollow bs.

 

Anything to attract anyone

Those regges on L. Ron Hubbard Way are hungry for some prey

 

Auckland 24/7

What does this mean?

 

Not so much

And where are you Ron? If this is the sensible thing to do how come you left?

 

Don’t be “Entrapped”

The only trap is entering the front door

 

Come in and get Entrapped

Those regges are licking their chops

 

Free Webinar Money

Also covering past lives.

If the quality of his videos matches his graphic design skills, they are not going to be a big hit…

 

Laugh and Cry

Not sure what the laugh is but pretty sure the crying begins with the fundraising

 

The Valley Dilettantes Halloween Party

Yes, they too are not missing out on this opportunity — maybe they can sell some more raffle tickets.

 

The Van Nuys Mission too

 

ASHO and AOLA

Really catering to the Clears moving on up to their OT levels….

 

That photo screams self-confidence

 

Buy this book

And help etch Hubbard’s words onto stainless steel, packed into argon filled titanium containers stored in nuclear-bomb proof tunnels. Every copy sold helps.

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Filed Under: Funnies Tagged With: AOLA, AOSH Africa, AOSH ANZO, Archive Project, asho, Auckland Org, Brandy Harrison, Celebrity Centre, CMO, Flag, Freewinds, Godfathers of Good, Hana-li Pendery, Jive Aces, Jive Asses, L. Ron Hubbrd, Lisa Malm, Manchester org, Mary Shuttleworth, Maya Weinreb, Michael Chan, Michael DeLeon, Michael Lewis, Ocala Mission, Peter Stephens, Quinn Tauffer, Ryan Prescott, Stan Gerson, Valerie Fahren, valley org, Van Nuys Mission, Vancouver org, Writers of the Future, youth for human rights

Comments

  1. Aquamarine says

    October 22, 2021 at 2:31 pm

    “Eat, drink, play and be scary.”

    Honestly, now – honestly – if you knew NOTHING about Scientology – if you had in all of your entire life never heard or read a whisper or a word about it, and then you read this promo – what would your impression be of this…”RELIGION” that is “Man’s Only Hope”.

    I mean, how empty-headed can you get?

    If for no other reason I continue to give thanks that I am no longer in, simply because I always found this sort of promo to be embarrassing. I was embarrassed to admit being a Scientologist.

    Reply
    • Jere Lull says

      October 22, 2021 at 4:10 pm

      “Honestly, now – honestly – if you knew NOTHING about Scientology”…

      You’d be very lucky.

      Reply
  2. new-ager65 says

    October 22, 2021 at 12:28 pm

    More kids to run messages for him…

    Mike, I do hope you are not using the phrase “kids” in your posts so often as if to implant the idea there is some sort of padophilia going on in the COS or with LRH.

    If you have REAL evidence then publish it, ensure the people are prosecuted.

    I find your blog mildy amusing sometimes, and have no love for you or the COS but I do take exception to covert smears.

    So please put up or shut up!

    thanks

    Reply
    • Mike Rinder says

      October 22, 2021 at 3:47 pm

      Are you serious?

      Reply
      • Milton Paca says

        October 22, 2021 at 6:35 pm

        I’m so sorry Mike, that you get such comments. Don’t worry about these people. I support you wholeheartedly. You are doing a great job no matter what these haters say. It makes me angry to hear people talk like that. It shouldn’t be that way. I also see how nastily people talk about Leah and the show that she is hosting in place of Wendy. I would also like her to know that I support her. You guys are great and when you receive such bad comments always remind yourselves of the people who support you, because the good will always prevail.

        Reply
    • Real says

      October 23, 2021 at 11:10 am

      new-ager65 (OSA stooge) read DMSMH. THEN review the history of Hubtard’s messengers many pretty 13-17 year old girls he dressed up in tight shorts to care for his every need.

      Reply
  3. Aquamarine says

    October 21, 2021 at 11:53 pm

    Does New OTVIII Freedom Medal Winner Peter Stephens actually HAVE any money other than what he earns preaching about how to earn it in seminars to gullible Scientologists? Asking for a friend.

    Reply
  4. Vincent F. Safuto says

    October 21, 2021 at 8:44 pm

    Sorry, folks, there is no such place as the University of Gainesville.

    It’s the University of Florida, and it’s located in Gainesville.

    Also of note: the mistake in the fine print of the first item. Possessive of it is its, not it’s.

    Reply
  5. Mechelle says

    October 21, 2021 at 8:41 pm

    PLEASE ATTEND A SCIENTOLOGY HALLOWEEN PARTY WITH A MASK.

    Reply
  6. GL says

    October 21, 2021 at 7:04 pm

    “…despite the Freewinds leading the charge on clearing the planet there for 25 years)”
    Yep, clearing the planet one plankton at a time. So it will be done in no time at all.

    Anything to get some marks in the door –
    They forgot to mention “Repellent Regges Removing Readies.”

    Ryan Prescott –
    BWAHAHAHAHA…
    Facebook page created in 2015 and he has (drum roll) 22 followers and 22 likes.
    Oh yes, I found the drum in some bushes after I dropped and it and it rolled down a hill.

    The Kingdom is Open –
    Like Larry Soffer I can audit myself but I have to keep the bedroom door closed while I’m doing it. Unlike Larry my “needle” is much larger.

    Godfathers of…
    Did a quick check (which turned out to take a lot longer than a quick check) of Rohn Walker’s International Executive Technology site and at random clicked on Walker Kreative under “Some of the Companies Rohn has Helped” and lo and behold Cebron Walker has ties to Scamalotofyourmoneyologist. What a surprise. It also gets the “5 Star” rating, another surprise.

    Wealth Design Group has the stink of $camalotofyourmoneyology all over it. The two 5 star ratings are from Rohn Walker and Cebron Walker.

    I won’t be surprised in the least if all the companies listed on his “Some of the Companies Rohn has Helped” have ties to $camalotofyourmoneyology. It just has that smell about it.

    Reply
  7. Briget says

    October 21, 2021 at 6:06 pm

    I’m a cartoon lover (still) and it interests me that in the pic of The Incredibles, they left out the teenaged girl whose superpower is that she can create a “force field” bubble around herself (and anyone with her) that nothing can penetrate. Just the person you want with you at a Scamology event!

    Reply
    • Jere Lull says

      October 22, 2021 at 4:16 pm

      Just being at the scn event is damaging enough. You want the power to be elsewhere, ANYwhere else. I don’t think being in a bubble within their bubble is sufficient.

      Reply
  8. NML says

    October 21, 2021 at 5:58 pm

    That tag line at the bottom of the AO Sydney flyer has a pretty pointed emphasis on the ‘everyone’: “With 80% vaccination done in NSW _everyone_ can now visit their church”. No prizes for guessing who’s among the 20%.

    Reply
  9. grisianfarce says

    October 21, 2021 at 5:47 pm

    The Jive Aces live! Where next on their road trip?

    Reply
  10. Todd Cray says

    October 21, 2021 at 4:53 pm

    Maybe the Dead DJ is the new moniker for Danny “Dead to Hollywood” Masterson, formerly known as DJ Donkey Punch

    Reply
  11. Loosing my Religion says

    October 21, 2021 at 4:24 pm

    “Ryan Prescott: author of the exposing crimes series and founder of the truth movement”.

    After seeing some videos of him I thought that the poor guy had crossed that threshold from which one hardly returns.
    Reading what he writes, I realized instead that he had always been there.

    Reply
  12. OTD says

    October 21, 2021 at 4:11 pm

    Re: The joke is on you

    I attended the University of Florida in Gainesville. I see Gators shirts on some of those young guys.

    $cientology has successfully changed the institution’s name to University of Gainesville. Now that is theta power! The Gainesville Gators!

    Reply
  13. Angry Gay Pope says

    October 21, 2021 at 4:10 pm

    I called Lisa Malm and asked about Shelly. She was not impressed! CLICK

    Reply
  14. ex Team Xenu 75 to 03 chuckbeatty says

    October 21, 2021 at 3:48 pm

    By the number of older era Scientologists missing, it means there must be a voluminous ex community in various stages of unwinding from the Hubbard Xenu’s “body-thetans” exorcism “Advanced” realm of Scientology.

    Xenu and “body-thetans” get their goat.

    The more people know that Xenu caused the Wall of Fire/4th Dynamic Engram, and Xenu showered earth with implanted “body-thetans” and that today OT 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7 are exorcism expensive extensive levels of Scientology’s exorcism “advanced” organizations’ job to handle, the more people will be ineligible and shunned by Scientology, to everyone’s betterment.

    Xenu and “body-thetans” explained for everyone.

    Knowing and talking and writing the Xenu “body-thetans” story with Scientologists makes them eject you.

    So newbies ought to know the Xenu story and tell this to Scientologists every chance.

    What other religion if you tell their staff their teachings, they eject you?

    Public knowledge of Xenu and “body-thetans” will shut down Scientology.

    Reply
    • Geoff Levin says

      October 22, 2021 at 9:33 am

      Good point Chuck.

      Reply
  15. otherles says

    October 21, 2021 at 3:12 pm

    A certain Austrian Corporal as well as LRH had a distinctive signature too.

    Reply
  16. Felix Krym says

    October 21, 2021 at 2:34 pm

    Women’s Auxiliary?!?!
    Seriously? At a CoS? You’ve got to be kidding me.

    Reply
  17. ISNOINews says

    October 21, 2021 at 1:40 pm

    O/T.  The Church of Scientology apparently supports Senate confirmation of Rashad Hussain as US Ambassador for International Religious Freedom.

    See:

    EIN Presswire: Deeping Crisis: 80% of the World’s Population Lives in Areas of High or Very High Religious Restrictions

    NEWS PROVIDED BY
    Church of Scientology National Affairs Office
    October 21, 2021, 06:03 GMT

    https://www.einpresswire.com/article/554370920/deeping-crisis-80-of-the-world-s-population-lives-in-areas-of-high-or-very-high-religious-restrictions

    * * * * * BEGIN EXCERPT * * * * *

    Greg Mitchell, Chairman of the International Religious Freedom Roundtable urged the immediate Senate confirmation of the newly nominated Ambassador-at-Large for International Religious Freedom, Rashad Hussain.

    [SNIP]

    Reverend Susan Taylor of the Church of Scientology National Affairs Office, one of the founding participants of the IRF Roundtable in 2010, introduced the Chairman of the IRF Roundtable, Greg Mitchell.

    [SNIP]

    Rev. Susan Taylor
    National Affairs Office
    +1 202-667-6404

    * * * * * END EXCERPT * * * * *

    Rashad Hussain is the first Muslim nominated as US Ambassador for International Religious Freedom.

    Greg Mitchell, Chairman of the International Religious Freedom Roundtable, is a Scientologist and a lobbyist for the Church of Scientology.

    Archived on ESMBR at:

    https://exscn2.net/threads/church-of-scientology-apparently-supports-senate-confirmation-of-rashad-hussain-as-us-ambassador-for-international-religious-freedom.4192/

    /

    Reply
  18. Ms. B. Haven says

    October 21, 2021 at 12:06 pm

    I have to say, I’m impressed by Michael Lewis!!! He can actually publish the shit he does and get away with openly advertising that he is an outright dilettante. I mean, playing ping-pong and puttering with plants while a real scientologist would be doing some sort of course work, auditing, or at the very least a re-tread of an extension course. Despite being such a KSW slacker, he manages to produce a live webinar once a month and is reaching hundreds of thousands of folks and is turning up the heat on achieving peace on earth! This alone is more activity than scientology media productions (sUmp) with the full force of the sea org behind it. What an OT!!! What is next for Mr. Lewis, a talk live from the TED stage to reach the unwashed masses of wogs and perform a mass dissemination drill guaranteed to have these degraded beings clamoring for the ‘tech’?

    Reply
    • Loosing my Religion says

      October 22, 2021 at 3:21 am

      Ms. B. Haven. You’re right, scn tv should include Michael Lewis in its schedule. They could gain a lot from him.
      Plus, now that he’s got his house and garden set up, he looks more vibrant than ever. Nothing can stop him anymore.
      We will see some good ones.

      Reply
  19. PickAnotherID says

    October 21, 2021 at 11:16 am

    ‘Freewinds’ Passenger Ship Safety Certificate (Form P) is exired. She cannot be surveyed for recertification until her lifeboats and associated launching mechanisms are brought into compliance with with Safety Of Life At Sea ammendments that went into effect on 1 January 2020. Until that happens, she cannot have a single passenger on board if moved away from the dock. Even if it’s under tow to change mooring positions. And this is just one of many certifications that are no longer valid.

    The other big one is an ammendment to the International Maritime Organizations bunker fuel requirements to reduce sulphur oxide emissions. This requires etiher the use of low sulphur fuel oil, which is expensive, and may require modification or replacement of the engines, Or the installation of scrubbers in the exhaust system to reduce the sulphur oxide emissions to acceptable levels.

    Whatever else has to be done to the ‘Freewinds’, until those two are dealt with, she isn’t going anywhere any time soon.

    Reply
  20. PeaceMaker says

    October 21, 2021 at 9:15 am

    Does this flurry of promo indicate they’re trying to get back to business as usual – or as before?

    We don’t have any pictures of gathering at events, other than the Jive Aces in Manchester – with what looks like maybe 2 sea org, and 11 others a couple of whom are in apparent staff attire – but maybe after a flurry of events we’ll get some.

    I’m not seeing much news, about how the orgs are actually doing at this point.

    Reply
    • sjc_re@hotmail.com says

      October 22, 2021 at 12:02 am

      “Many of these (Commodore’s) Messengers are some of the most competent secretaries and administrative personnel within the Church today.” – LRH.

      “Many of these Messengers are some of the most competent, vocal, and dedicated anti-Scientology activists and declared apostates outside the Church today.”

      Fixed it for you, Ron.
      You’re welcome.
      Much love,
      Aqua

      Reply
    • Loosing my Religion says

      October 22, 2021 at 3:59 am

      Peacemaker. I think orgs for many years were a bit like a juggler on a unicycle doing numbers with balls and pins, always trying not to fall.
      Then the pandemic with the various restrictions gave them such a shoulder from which they aren’t no longer able to recover and pick up balls & pins and get back in the saddle.
      It will be very difficult to fish out all those members who have step away in this period.

      Reply
      • Real says

        October 23, 2021 at 11:13 am

        The class V orgs died years before the pandemic

        Reply

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