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Thursday Funnies

December 23, 2021 By Mike Rinder 45 Comments

 

 

 

Graduation Cocktail Hour?

They’ve taken it a step beyond food in Australia…

 

You can do the Purif here!

Only at Flag, Freewinds, possibly the SO Orgs and Narconon. No Class V orgs or Missions. Because we said so.

 

Good News!

“In celebration of the New Year, the Christmas season production bonuses and prizes are hereby extended for three weeks: December 23 and December 30, 2021 and December 6, 2022. International Director of Finance”

I guess they didn’t make enough cash to pay any bonuses, so “Christmas bonuses” are going to become available sometime in the New Year. Given the GI in NY Org, I wouldn’t hold out much hope for a big check.

 

Why aren’t they on staff in Twin Cities?

That place is a graveyard.

But forget about TC or Chicago, these folks are creating a whole new universe…

 

Really?

Sorry to be judgey, this guy looks like I did after being in The Hole for year. He needs some decent meals and some sleep.

 

Gingerbread Freewinds

This version heads out to sea about as often as the real one…

 

Ideal Org Zoom Event

They’re creating “island of sanity.” Not quite a whole new universe. But just as unreal.

 

Mexico is happening

Looks like they have a building almost ready to go and the COB will be jetting down to yank his ribbon soon.

 

 

Even the Freewinds is getting in on the act

 

Are you alive today?

Asked nobody ever.

Big crowds are joining in Pago Pago, Baden-Baden and Walla Walla.

You can get rid of your unwanted postulates. Who MAKES unwanted postulates?

 

Not to be outdone…

Clive is doing a postulates seminar too.

Wonder what happened to his postulates every year to get 10,000 started on Solo NOTs. It’s been 30 years of fail so far…

So, come along and listen to him explain how you can make your postulates work.

 

All fixed thoughts and ideas are gone…

Well, if you say so.

Just wait til you find out how untrue that is. You still have 10 more years of trying to audit away those BT’s who have fixed ideas and thoughts.

 

We see a lot of people doing exactly what we are doing….

And they are bad because of it.

We are good. Because we say so.

 

Wickedly Funny?

And WHAT a deal! We will sell you these books on CD’s (something NOBODY wants) at the virtual giveaway price of just $125.

Our generosity is only exceeded by our brazen bs.

 

Be part of it — get briefed?

It’s the missing briefing that is keeping everyone from joining staff?

Not the no-pay, shitty conditions, endless fails?

 

The ultimate gift….

You give us money and we will let you study the words of L. Ron Hubbard. What could be better?

 

Trying to burnish the turd

For some reason, this began appearing all over Facebook.

Must have been an order to “get out positive messages on social media about COB.”

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Filed Under: Funnies Tagged With: AOSHAf, AOSHANZO, Arrowhead, ASI, Buzz Newman, CCHR, Chicago org, Columbus, Columbus Org, David Miscavige, Eva Gaspar, Flag, Freewinds, Mexico orgs, Michael Lewis, Mission Earth, Narconon, Narconon Arrowhead, sydney org, Twin Cities org, Willy Gaspar

Comments

  1. Balletlady says

    December 24, 2021 at 10:30 am

    My Best Wishes for Mike & his family, Leah & her family & EVERYONE ELSE of you truly amazing & brave former members to have the healthiest happiest Holiday Season.

    Thank you ALL for stepping forward with all the information you’ve provided to those like me…Never In…who’ve BEFORE this blog…knew a few things about COS….but you’ve ALL hit it out of the ballpark with your own stories of the abuse & scams. You’ve opened many eyes, minds, hearts…

    Now MIKE….for cryin’ out loud…..FOR SURE I truly thought we’d see a MEME of the King Rat himself…..David M dressed up as the GRINCH….with a sack of $$$$ thrown over his shoulder as he tip toes away…..laughing his ass off………….

    Reply
  2. grisianfarce says

    December 24, 2021 at 2:01 am

    Damn, I missed the Island of Sanity zoom. Was the good news they’re not regging for Plymouth as they have plenty of money to finish the dilapidated building?

    Reply
  3. Anonymous says

    December 23, 2021 at 7:23 pm

    Michael Lewis sounds like he’s hanging on by a thread. It won’t take much for it to snap.

    Reply
  4. Aquamarine says

    December 23, 2021 at 6:54 pm

    “Contact Francis to see if you qualify to sign up.”

    By the way, the qualifications are high.

    You must be breathing. Your breath on a mirror must be discernible.

    You must be ambulatory. You’ll need to have at least one working leg and one fully functional arm.

    LRH said “Many are called; few are chosen” and that statement of the Founder’s is seriously applied.

    If you are not a living, breathing, ambulatory mass of cells which bear some semblance to a humanoid form, don’t even THINK about applying to be unpaid staff working 80 hours a week in a Scientology Ideal Org, OK?

    Reply
    • Aquamarine says

      December 23, 2021 at 7:04 pm

      Of course this above was sarcasm.

      LRH has a policy called “Fast Flow Hiring”.

      They’ll hire ANYBODY.

      Now, did these anybodies stay?
      Mostly in my experience they did not.
      A few of them did, though.

      The staff I knew, the staff who stayed, year after year, the staff I liked and trusted and respect, the staff and I could even say I loved were unique, unselfish, totally dedicated people.

      Very good people. Much better than I as a person am.

      Reply
      • Alcoboy says

        December 24, 2021 at 8:30 pm

        Aqua, I can only say about the Frances comment is what Mike says about joining the Sea Org:
        If you can see straight and are standing upright, you qualify.

        Or something like that.

        Reply
        • Aquamarine says

          December 29, 2021 at 11:22 pm

          Hi! Yes, they’re desperate and will take anyone on but from what I could see many more “terminals” were shed than kept.

          From the get-go I KNEW I would never make it, could never succeed on staff. Call that what you will – cowardice, probably – but I just had a gut feeling that I’d never make it on staff and as for the Sea Org, well, back then, out of my own ignorance of Sea Org life I mostly loathed Sea Org members. There were some exceptions; some of them I liked; most of them I didn’t, especially, most especially, the very young ones. Point being, I would never have joined the SO, because I thought Sea Org members were “cold”, “arrogant” and generally obnoxious beings to be avoided whenever possible.

          (Sorry, all you ex-SO members here. Again, I had NO idea what you were going thru. I actually believed – are you ready, I’m not making this up – I actually believed that Scientologists joined the Sea Org because they DIDN’T want to work hard! I thought they joined because they were lazy and not too brite and wanted a free ride in life (free food, shelter, clothing, bridge, etc.) while at the same time having “personalities” that made them have to be in charge of others, bossing others around and all under the aegis of helping mankind and clearing the planet with the latter being not their ACTUAL reason. Of course this was all dreamed up in my own mind out of practically no data, and it wasn’t until started reading Marty’s old blog circa 2011-12 with all the ex-SO horror stories, and then other blogs that I got educated as to what the SO members endure. Reading these stories, full of pain, loss, injustice – OMG. OMG. 1000 X OMG. How I was a public in the Church of Scientology for 27 years with no clue about these things stretches credulity I’m sure, but it is the truth. In my own defense, I used to get very upset on behalf of the Class V org staff. I thought THEY were abused and/or exploited and my sense of justice was outraged. I thought they should be paid more. I thought they should have more time OFF. Now, if I had known what the SEA ORG members were enduring, if I had without a doubt KNOWN this, I would very likely have protested, and left. I do hate injustice.)

          Reply
  5. Aquamarine says

    December 23, 2021 at 6:26 pm

    “,,. no-pay, shitty conditions, endless fails…”

    But there’s also a down side.

    Reply
    • Alcoboy says

      December 24, 2021 at 8:37 pm

      To: Aquamarine
      From: David Miscavige COB RTC
      Re: Spreading entheta.

      HOW DARE YOU SUGGEST THAT STAFF PAY IN MY IDEAL ORGS IS ‘SHITTY’! NO WORKERS ARE BETTER PAID THAN MY SLAVE, UM, ER, DEVOTED STAFF MEMBERS! DON’T YOU KNOW THAT $1.35/HOUR IS WAY ABOVE MINIMUM WAGE IN MOST COUNTRIES? YOU NEED TO DO YOUR RESEARCH BEFORE YOU GO SPREADING AROUND MISLEADING AND UNTRUE STATEMENTS LIKE THE ABOVE!
      YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

      ML
      Dave.

      To: David Miscavige COB RTC
      From: Alcoboy
      Re: You.

      Why don’t you just shut the fuck up?

      No love at all
      Alcoboy.

      Reply
      • Aquamarine says

        December 29, 2021 at 11:41 pm

        Dear Captain,
        I would like to humbly thank you for the Severe Reality Adjustment.
        I must say I really needed it.\

        Please allow me share that your SRA has given me a Cognition of Magnitude.
        Obviously, I have MUs, Crashing MUs and False Data with regard to staff pay.

        Or else why would you be so upset, Sir?
        Obviously, for some time now I have been nothing more or less than a Vast Panorama of Mental Effects as regards how richly and comprehensively staff and Sea Org are paid!

        Please know that I WILL get handled on this!!!!!!!

        I shall cease my FURTHERING OF ENEMY LINE to discourage Scientologists from joining staff and Sea Org.

        The rest of my life this lifetime will be spent in Ethics Cycles.

        I feel very lite and brite now!!!!!!!!!!!!

        My space is so opened up!!!!!!!!!!

        Before I stop reading and supporting this entheta blog and its SP proprietor I shall write a Severe Reality Adjustment Success Story to share with the as yet unenlightened beings whose attention units are extorted here every day.

        The time is now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

        I just can’t thank you enough, Sir!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

        Much love,
        The Being Formerly Known As Aqua

        Reply
        • Alcoboy says

          December 30, 2021 at 7:27 pm

          To:Aquamarine
          From: David Miscavige COB RTC
          Re: making amends.

          UNFORTUNATELY, THAT WON’T BE GOOD ENOUGH TO LIFT YOU OUT OF THE EXTREMELY LOWER CONDITION YOU ARE CURRENTLY IN! THE ONLY THING THAT WILL BRING YOU TO FULL EP WILL BE A QUICK TRIP TO TARGET TWO!

          ML
          Dave

          To: David Miscavige COB RTC
          From: Alcoboy
          Re: a quick trip to Target Two.

          Hey, tiny boots.
          WHY DON’T YOU LEAVE AQUA ALONE AND GO THERE YOURSELF?

          No love at all,
          Alcoboy.

          Reply
          • Aquamarine says

            December 31, 2021 at 12:02 pm

            LOL, thanks, Alcoboy. Visit me on Target 2, OK? 🙂

            Reply
            • Alcoboy says

              December 31, 2021 at 8:05 pm

              Glad you liked it, Aqua! A happy new year to you and yours! May this year………..
              Hold on a sec. Comm particle’s coming in.

              To: Alcoboy
              From: David Miscavige COB RTC
              Re: going to Target Two.

              I AM NOT GOING TO TARGET TWO ANYTIME SOON! I AM TOO THETA OF A BEING AND I AM CURRENTLY NEEDED HERE ON TEEGEEACK(That’s Earth for all you wogs out there) TO MAKE SURE THAT KSW IS IMPLEMENTED ALL OVER THE WORLD AND TO DISH OUT JUSTICE TO PEOPLE LIKE YOU AND AQUAMARINE! REST ASSURED BOTH OF YOU WILL SOON MAKE A TRIP TO TARGET TWO IF THESE ATTACKS DO NOT CEASE IMMEDIATELY!
              HAPPY NEW YEAR!

              ML
              Dave.

              Reply
              • Aquamarine says

                January 3, 2022 at 11:33 am

                Happy New Year, Alcoboy 🙂 We’ll raise a glass to you on Target Two 🙂

  6. Real says

    December 23, 2021 at 3:26 pm

    Looks like Buzz Newman is about to drop dead from some wasting disease and decided it was a good time to join staff where he’ll croak from the disease before starvation from a no pay job.

    Reply
    • Balletlady says

      December 24, 2021 at 10:33 am

      Buzz Newman looks like the CRYPT KEEPER……………….how sad is that….in his “Golden Years” & close to eating dirt & pushing up daisies……………….& THIS is how he chooses to…well, I can’t say live. Wow….no fool like an old fool.

      Reply
  7. bixntram says

    December 23, 2021 at 2:50 pm

    “I blew tons of charge, and the stability I feel now cannot be expressed in words.” Another typo: ‘charge” should have been ‘change’. As for “the stability I feel now:”: I just maxed out my last credit card and took a third mortgage on my house and the degree of stability I’m feeling now is making me suicidal.”

    Reply
    • Aquamarine says

      December 23, 2021 at 6:33 pm

      They’re high on the temporary euphoria generated by the deluded belief that they’ve just done something, at great sacrifice to themselves, that is going to make a big difference in the world.

      Very, very sad.

      You see, if what this person had just done WOULD indeed make a huge difference for the good of mankind, for the betterment of mankind, then, hey, that’s a great feeling to know that!

      The tragedy is that this scam being perpetrated on a good person who wants to help will make NO difference ANYWHERE and as such this person’s sacrifice and the fact of his or her having “played a big game” means nothing. ‘Twas for naught.

      Reply
      • bixntram says

        December 24, 2021 at 9:20 am

        Thanks for you insight, AQ. You’re right; it’s very, very, sad.

        Merry Christmas,
        Bixntram, aka scottinpt (pt= Port Townsend, WA; feeling brave on this Christmas Eve Day)

        Reply
    • Aquamarine says

      December 31, 2021 at 12:07 pm

      Exactly! “Stability”…a kind of euphoria. It lasts for a while. Then the credit card bills arrive, at which point their “feeling of stability” evaporates.

      Reply
  8. Jere Lull says

    December 23, 2021 at 1:45 pm

    NarCONon Arrowhead still exists!? I thought that dump got abandoned when Oklahoma officially unearthed the scam due to too many inmates dying.

    Reply
  9. Jere Lull says

    December 23, 2021 at 1:35 pm

    Mr. Sharron Weber??. They need to get their eyesight fixed as I’m fairly certain Sharron is a “Girl”, no matter that the S.O. mistakenly calls all officers “sir”.
    Does no one proofread their promotion material?

    Reply
    • Mark Kamran says

      December 24, 2021 at 3:06 am

      Here is the proof of what you said.

      Now imagine people with super human abilities lack common sense.
      And it happens in an atmosphere of constant fear and stress.

      https://youtu.be/Oj9P1ByaEmo

      Reply
    • pluvo says

      December 24, 2021 at 8:57 am

      It’s not a spelling mistake — female Sea Org officers (and the superior Sea Org staff members) are not only addressed as “Sir” but also as “Mr.” (as per Hubbard policy).

      Reply
      • Richard says

        December 24, 2021 at 5:31 pm

        Laughter – An across the board policy like that solves the problem of people demanding that they be addressed with non gender pronouns like “they”. It should be a nationwide law that everyone be respectfully addressed as “Mr.”
        Mr. Caitlyn Jenner – problem solved

        Reply
    • Dear Men Tell No Tales Bill Straass says

      December 25, 2021 at 1:20 pm

      As Sharron was my 1st wife, I believe that I am qualified in stating that “Yes, Sharron is a girl”.
      But then, Frau Himmler was also a girl. Magda Bormann was a girl.
      And should you, or anyone else address Sharron as anything other than “Sir”, I have little doubt that she will ensure that you too, become a girl.

      Reply
  10. Loosing my Religion says

    December 23, 2021 at 11:52 am

    Mexico. In the invitation card at the bottom for the Christmas dinner, there is the cost to pay: it says $ 30,000 $!
    Either it’s a typo or it’s a trap!
    Be careful.

    Reply
    • Scott Sizer says

      December 23, 2021 at 2:35 pm

      Well, let’s say it was a typo – but some rich whale with a bit of liquid Christmas cheer on board actually writes them a check for $30,000. What are the chances of the cherch then saying “Oops, we made a mistake! Here’s $29,900 back. Merry Christmas!”

      Don’t hold your breath.

      Reply
  11. Chris Shugart says

    December 23, 2021 at 11:50 am

    Pago Pago, Baden-Baden and Walla Walla? Don’t forget Xenu Xenu, a real nice place to spend your next billion years.

    Reply
  12. Krzysztof Michal Kazmierczak says

    December 23, 2021 at 11:48 am

    You know what I like to do for the holidays, I like to feel generous and alive. So I call a SO member and pledge 10K. I try to get the conversation rolling first to make sure I have their attention, then I just don’t
    pay. I think that this is a fantastic story for the funnies. By the way the Canadian Liaison Office has a Gmail account for anyone wishing to wish a holiday wish of whatever kind you want:

    treasuryclocan@gmail.com

    Reply
    • Jere Lull says

      December 23, 2021 at 1:48 pm

      Yeah. There’s a perfectly good scientology.com domain they would be using if they wanted a little more promotion, but it’s been hacked or dDOSed too many times to be secure. Running with a free gmail email address just screams NO MONEY for CLO Canada. But the clams aren’t going to notice that. They aren’t allowed to be familiar enough with the ‘Net to understand these things.

      Reply
    • SL1978 says

      December 23, 2021 at 2:34 pm

      This is perfect – we could send a link to the aftermath Foundation – though that might be blocked. Merry Christmas everyone

      Reply
    • Krzysztof Michal Kazmierczak says

      December 24, 2021 at 7:56 am

      Here is Sydney Orgs email from their Facebook page. Please send some holiday greetings.

      sydney@scientology.net

      Reply
  13. Bryon Eckert says

    December 23, 2021 at 11:15 am

    Thanks for the photo of South Jersey Wise Guy David Miscavage. I love the suit, but above the neckline he looks funny. I’m not a plastic surgeon but his work just looks unnatural. Of course everyone around him will tell him he looks great. By the way, Mike, you really do look great.

    Reply
    • bixntram says

      December 23, 2021 at 2:37 pm

      Ha, ha, he just shot his cuffs.

      Reply
      • Ammo Alamo says

        December 23, 2021 at 5:28 pm

        Lil Davy beat his chef, death-wished his wife, pulled his pompadour, snorted a smirk, then shot his cuffs.
        It was a short shoot fer a short suit.

        Reply
    • Richard says

      December 23, 2021 at 8:24 pm

      The plastic surgeon made him look like Alfred E. Neuman, the “Mad” magazine cover boy. Flunk!

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alfred_E._Neuman

      Reply
      • WhatAreYourCrimes says

        December 23, 2021 at 10:19 pm

        You’re right! Ha Ha!

        Reply
  14. Mary Kahn says

    December 23, 2021 at 10:41 am

    “…burnish a turd.” :)))

    I cannot help but see just that when I look at that picture of miscavige.

    Reply
  15. Loosing my Religion says

    December 23, 2021 at 10:14 am

    Michael Lewis seems to me like the cross between a priest who always has the same sermon on the tragedies of life and someone who could put you in a loser mood for two months.

    Reply
    • Cindy says

      December 23, 2021 at 2:18 pm

      Michael Lewis seems to me like the Jack in the Box where you keep turning the little lever and it plays the music and finally the lid comes open and the Jack in the Box jumps out with that silly, crazy grin and arms thrown wide open, I think behind that faky smile and faky uptone facade, that he is unhappy and hurting inside. He has lost all his family except his daughter and one last son, and I suspect he stays in Scn just so he doesn’t lose his daughter to disconnection if he were to leave. He knows enough tech to know it has been squirreled by the biggest little squirrel of all: Davey Miscavige.

      Reply
  16. SL1978 says

    December 23, 2021 at 10:01 am

    Just nauseating. So sad for all these people.

    Reply
  17. otherles says

    December 23, 2021 at 9:37 am

    How many times do I have to say this? They need to replace the MV Freewinds.

    Reply
    • Jere Lull says

      December 23, 2021 at 1:40 pm

      That they need to replace the MV “Fleecewinds” has been obvious for YEARS. Just looking at their PR pictures of her bow-on is sufficient to get the idea across. Such an awful paint job, like they painted it with fuzzy rollers over the space of a couple of years, starting from the bow back, as they got around to it on spare weekends. ONE poor guy, likely the last/lost RPFer.

      Reply
    • Alcoboy says

      December 24, 2021 at 8:45 pm

      To: otherles
      From: David Miscavige COB RTC
      Re: criticizing the Freewinds.

      THE FREEWINDS DOES NOT NEED TO BE REPLACED! I PICKED THAT SHIP MYSELF MANY YEARS AGO WHICH MEANS THAT IT WILL LAST FOREVER! ONLY A SUPERIOR BEING SUCH AS MYSELF HAS THE POWER TO CHOOSE SUCH A POWERFUL AND GLORIOUS VESSEL! AND, NO, SHE IS NOT SITTING IN A HARBOR SLOWLY TAKING ON WATER! TONE LEVEL 1.1 SPS ARE SPREADING THAT ENTHETA! IGNORE THOSE PICTURES OF THE STERN IN THE AIR AND THE BOW ALMOST UNDERWATER! PHOTOSHOP! MY BELOVED FREEWINDS WILL SAIL THE CARIBBEAN UNTIL THE END OF TIME!

      ML
      Dave.

      Reply

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