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Thursday Funnies

By 53 Comments

 

Interesting questions…

How do you create your own universe? Just close your eyes and pretend. It’s easy.

And what about guaranteeing your OTness in the future? Just give money.

In fact, the answers to ALL questions: Give us your money and we will promise anything.

 

Clean Body Clean Mind

A new take on the Purif? You can do it in the shower?

 

Anything to try to attract some warm bodies

Wonder if the Jive Asses are going to make an appearance?

Is Swing a thing?

 

They put out a promo piece for this?

They are so short of completions that they devote a whole promotional piece to someone completing a Div 6 mini course?

And this is the latest “ideal org”?

 

Oh, they had another one…

A TR’s course grad with his eyes closed…

 

He’s back to being a Class IV

Still not a Class VIII like he used to be, but better than nothing. He also ran around a pole. And he is old.

What more could you want?

 

A certified Human Rights Instructor?

Certified by who?

Like this kid?

 

“Is going”

“Has been going” now for 20 years. All In California done Sir doesn’t seem to have been true?

 

New SuMP fliers

Wow… I thought they made TV?

 

Only come on Saturday…

We are closed for new business the other days

 

Increase your outflow to a million particles a month…

It’s worked really well for scientology. Their junk mail stats are out the roof and everything else is in the trash can.

 

Pim and Dan

They got one other attendee it seems — but he is already a member…

 

“Is going” ideal…

 

Changing the world

These people are seriously deluded.

 

Guess what?

You are not stable. You are not happy. You are uncertain and withdrawn.

But never fear, scientology can help with that.

 

Now this is some effective action

Belongs in the Advance mag along with the people who find their car keys and parking spaces…

 

The unbridled power of Solo NOTs

But I bet there are 10X more OT VII people who are fans of the 49ers than of the Chiefs?

So how does that work?

 

Evan Wecksell’s cheer squad

One of them might be under 40

 

And the final word on Wecksell

He should be able to postulate himself into office…

 

At least they spelled Karaoke right

Swing nights? Karaoke nights? This is the model ideal org?

 

Experience OT in Tampa

Still cannot get over this. The way to experience OT in Tampa is to go to an event?

Sure is cheaper than paying FSO for the “experience”

 

Orlando Divorce Support

They have 10 members? There are only about 50 scientologists in all of Orlando…

But this is probably an accurate ratio.

 

Ryan Prescott Hype

He can’t even write convincing sounding “testimonials” — I STILL haven’t gotten my checks from Big Pharma OR the psychs…

 

 

Don’t do it Kiernan

It’s a nice looking car.

 

James Byrne

52 years in the Sea Or and he is hosting a potluck dinner at a Mission?

Thought he was the elite of the elite of planet earth?

 

John Who?

The “technology” of how to disseminate. Yeah, right. It’s proven incredibly successful.

 

The mystery legal sandwich

But you do get to plan the next one?

 

What they REALLY want

For you to align everything to achieving their St Hill Size.

Could this possibly be a recruitment event?????

 

They actually have one person who is Irish on staff…

 

Some credentials

“Former Director of drug demand reduction for the high intensity drug trafficking areas”???

And you did what exactly?

Probably better lecturing than actually working on drug demand reduction…

Comments

  2. To the Cult Troll who put ethics in at the Gas Station … to check how much confront he actually has:

    “Do you have a PTS Body Thetan or Cluster in restimulation?”

    Reply

  3. Spring Swing Spectacular Street Festival is scheduled for 12:00am. Midnight? Really? They’ll either need coffee or some seriously dedicated proof readers for future posters

    Reply

  4. Iā€™m shocked ANYONE would be attracted to Scientology by reading just the first two promotion stories from the division 6 course. The first young man managed to make it to adulthood without knowing money was a means of exchange for goods and services. Most children grasp that concept at age 7. Yet this fellow needed a course in Scientology to make the leap in connecting dollars and cents.
    Next we have a case gain story that is absolute gibberish. After his Scientology course he canā€™t even convey his ideas or intention in 250 words on paper. Both stories are excellent advertisements that Scientology not only wastes but destroys the mind.

    Reply

  6. Haha! That Ventura Idle Morgue pic is totally photoshopped. There are 8-10 foot bushes along the 101 freeway, the street it is on has ZERO foot traffic and is a dead end street that ends at a swamp. There is zero foot or car traffic. And even though it is along the 101 freeway, it is on a turn near an overpass and across from an In & Out. No no one is looking off to the right as you drive that quick 5 seconds of road.

    Reply

    • Yes, it’s a 3d model, totally fake, probably the one that was used in the final submissions to mi$cavige. Was probably used for the videos that fly you through the whole building and how it’s going to look. All sexy and impressive so they can get more donations and promises of help. Looks like no one considered the noise from the freeway…uh-oh. Probably why those large bushes were planted there by the earlier owners. Thanks for bringing us back to reality! Sounds like it’s a really bad location, breaking Rule #1 in real estate. This along with all the typos in the other promo makes such a fun read.

      Reply

  7. “Improve conditions all around us” by putting in ethics at the local gas station?

    Emboldened by the sweeping success of the never-failing tech why think so small? How about confronting the stoned audience at the local jam band show or the drunks at a C&W show? Maybe, go into a biker bar and tell them the truth about meth? How about walking into a gay bar and telling the perverts (Ron’s term, not mine) about the errors of their way?

    Think of THOSE stats!

    Reply

    • He’s a drug revert. I thought they aren’t allowed to take those guys. Probably no one’s noticing that stuff anymore, they just need more warm bodies. Dude—save yourself and tell them you also took LSD! šŸ˜‰

      Reply

  8. Highly embarrassing, that post-menopausal cheerleader photo. But I guess these female koolaid drinkers of a certain age believe themselves to be engaging in “Spirit of Play”. Sad, actually. Spirit of Play is one thing; not funny, not attractive and decidedly embarrassing is quite another. Yes, do come join our “church”. ..cringe… How DEEPLY thankful I am – “in a new unit of time” am I once more filled with gratitude to be no longer associated with people like this. Now if I could only get my cookie cutter website scrubbed…

    Reply

  9. Just in time for Thursday Funnies this email just came in. The funniest portion that claims “we will all have to come back to Earth someday” prompts me to respond asking if this is true then where the hell is the man who wrote this? Dude dropped the body decades ago but still ain’t here. The Sea Org should declare him AWOL.
    ‘
    Hello Glenn,
    I wanted to send you this recruitment quote of the week.
    Let me know if you have anyone who is interested in joining the Sea Org or anyone who might have questions in regards to joining, or if you yourself have interest!
    ā€œA post in a Scientology organization isnā€™t a job. Itā€™s a trust and a crusade. Weā€™re free men and women ā€” probably the last free men and women on Earth. Remember, weā€™ll have to come back to Earth someday no matter what ā€˜happensā€™ to us. If we don’t do a good job now, we may never get another chance.ā€ ā€“L. Ron Hubbard, HCO PL 21 Sept. 1958 THEORY OF SCIENTOLOGY ORGANIZATIONS

    Sincerely,

    Veronica Diaz
    Central Recruitment Officer
    Church of Scientology
    Flag Service Organization
    [email protected]
    (727) 467-5000

    Reply

    • “Its a trust and a crusade.”

      THAT was the word – “crusade” – that turned me off, bigly, when being recruited for staff. BIGLY! That one little word. True!

      Reply

  10. That poor pot smoking convenience store clerk who inadvertently thought he was giving his number to a hot girl who will now be hounded for life.

    “I loudly announced how stinky it was and started questioning who it was in the store who had been smoking but with a lot of ARC”. A scientologist’s version of “with arc” is the real world version of prison guard pushing and shoving. You don’t loudly announce that something is stinky in the real world and expect people to think you are a kind nice person. Just sayin…

    Reply

  11. So this knuckle head is all excited that scientology taught him that the ā€œsecretā€ to having more money is production and exchange. That kind of ignorance is beyond pathetic. Any middle schooler could have told him that, and for free too. Did this guy get a scientology ā€œeducationā€ where they held this info back so they could charge him later?

    Where Dr Hubbardā€™s ā€œdiscoveriesā€ didnā€™t turn out to be flat wrong they were usually incredibly inane. Any lesser sociopath would have been embarrassed to utter them and claim them as the result of his own ā€œresearches.ā€

    Reply

    • Re the Mooney kid announced as a Div 6 completion for graduation. Div 6 courses are for “raw public.” Yet if I”m not mistaken, this kid is the son of FSM Pat Mooney, making him a second generation Scn. So if they have no one to announce at graduation, they get a second gen to go re-do a Div 6 course and pretend that they are a “New Body In the Shop.” Please. We see through it.

      Reply

  12. addressing yesterday’s topic: I was surprised to see that my negative comment on Taryn’s “Justic4Moms” site is still up – and it’s still the only comment.; no claims posting to refute me and defend Taryn’s lies. So, I’m wondering what gives; why haven’t they taken my comment down and why has no one challenged it? Hmmm, very interesting.
    Speculation: no one has refuted my facts because the cherch does’t want the other clams to see them and start questioning. I invite anyone here to go make a comment as well, and see what happens. Possibly, Taryn will be told to take the site down.

    Reply

    • I just looked at the site and did not see your comment. She is just a pawn. OSA needs to be exposed big time. Someone in media needs to take this on.

      Reply

    • “Evan Wecksell is promoting a South Dakota bill that would eliminate all vaccine requirements for preschool and school, and prohibiting them for college.”

      Boy, I better not get started on exactly how insane and wilfully ignorant I find anti-vaxxers. Got to keep my blood pressure down.

      Reply

  14. According to the poster the Spring Swing thing is scheduled to start at midnight. Makes me wonder what kind of swinging they are planning on.

    Reply

  15. ā€œHow to talk to people about Scientology…… Scientology is like ā€œThe Jarā€ on the old Alfred Hitchcock show. Everybody seeā€™s something different in the Jar. In the end, the Jar contained the remnants of a murdered person.

    Reply

  16. Anyone that uses drug rehab as a disguise to fool people, just might be trafficking in drugs themselves…..the police canā€™t raid or enter religious institutions. Iā€™m sure the high standards of scientology would never let this happen. There is no reason to put scientology in Mexico other than to uplift the world……..

    Reply

    • “..the police canā€™t raid or enter religious institutions.”

      LOL, yes they can Take Em Down. You have been watching too many Hollyweird movies.

      Reply

  17. The last time I 10Xed my outflow, I needed a lot of Imodium.

    How can any active $cieno not recognize the poorly done grindstone that the upper reaches of the Clampire are putting out? Disseminate, disseminate, do the staffs job. But at least ASHO ANZO has all female commanders. I wonder they have been measured for their bus yet?

    Reply

  18. Scouts: .. are there SP kids in the troops?

    Wonder how all THAT works. Wouldn’t local troops include all who qualify? Aaron Smith-Levin’s girls are in scouting…

    There must be a bunch of Ex’s kids living in CW…

    Are they welcomed into this “community center” ??

    Then again, prolly not a lot of actual Scio kids in troops. Their spare time more likely to be spent in culty activities.

    Reply

    • Rip van Winkle opined:”Then again, prolly not a lot of actual Scio kids in troops. Their spare time more likely to be spent in culty activities.”

      I doubt that ANY scn kids are in the scouts. The Scouts are too likely to reward downstats, like little old ladies crossing the street.

      Reply

  19. “Guess what? You are not stable. You are not happy. You are uncertain and withdrawn. But never fear, scientology can help with that.”

    Gonna show my age here but that just reminded me of the Lucille Ball vitamin show. It really was hilarious and for you youngins you can see it on YouTube. The more she takes the vitamin the funnier it gets..are you unpoopular?

    “Are you tired, rundown, listless? Do you poop out at parties? Are you unpopular? The answer to all your problems is in this little bottle, Vitameatavegamin. Vitameatavegamin contains vitamins, meat, vegetables, and minerals. Yes, with Vitameatavegain,”

    Reply

  20. The promo about personality tests reminded me of my experiences. Every week or, as a part of the auditing I was getting, I was required to do one of those tests. I saved my answers and used them again and again so I could save time. It was interesting that the results were not the same every time. So this tech didn’t work also. Confirmed I was wasting my time, not only on tests but hoping for real results.

    Reply

      • I thought so too. I thought maybe it was the result of input errors by the staff member who had to enter all the answers into the system that churned out the results. But the broad difference in results suggests my conclusion that it is all bogus was likely correct.

        Reply

        • I recall some article where the OCAs were “scientifically” tested by ‘test-takers’ entering random answers or all the same…. ALL results were bogus, it happened, and the results were consistently bogus, I suppose depending on the evaluator’s mood at that moment.
          It was all a lie, just the first lie most scientologists are told by the cult.

          Reply

          • Oops! “consistently” should have been “inconsistently”, the result of my too-quickly allowing an auto-incorrect.

            Reply

            • Jere,

              thanks for the input.

              In all my experience I never had any results that “indicated” to me. So I never trusted it. But when made to take tests weekly, and I knew I had to in order to continue the auditing I was getting, I simply saved all the answers (in a word doc) and turned them in to the test I/C. And because I already “knew” the results would be bogus I never took them to heart.

              All I’ve studied about the OCA online since confirms it is nothing more than a gimmick used to sell people the shit.

              Reply

    • That would be a very interesting experiment for a group of friends (like of the Slackliners on YouTube) to do – each take the test giving exactly the same answers and compare results.

      Reply

  21. Of course the brainless attendees at Drew Johnson’s “Dissemination Made Easy” diatribe won’t ask to see evidence of all the NEW people he was gotten into scamology over the last couple of years. ZERO is not a good stat…

    Reply

    • Wynski, Drew could be a broken analog watch; correct twice a day and might have strong-armed ONE new victim. Stranger things have happened, I suppose.

      Reply

  22. These flyers and promotions are evidence of the delusional world of the scientologist today. Jessica actually believes she is “handling” her area because some pot smoker gave her his number (she demanded it with ARC) and now he’s going to meet her Monday at 1:00 to tour The Way To Happiness. Good luck with that Jessica.

    John Cowden believes he can talk to people about scientology and get a favorable response. Most people are aware (more like “beware” of it) these days and if they’re not it’s only two clicks away from the truth. I’ve seen first hand how one can clear an area of very nice, attentive people by telling them he/she is a scientologist and that was BEFORE Leah Remini, Scientology and The Aftermath or Going Clear.

    Poor Bob Anderson. He has a horrible life on the Freewinds; was one of the most sleep derived people I saw there. It’s probably a break for him to put his feet on land once in a while but I doubt he’s catching up on sleep with the Freewinds floating around out there in Non-E, with all those desperate, delusional Sea Org members trying to figure out who they can “service.”

    Reply

    • And hauling out James Byrne to go to a lowly mission to give a talk? He used to be the lead auditor at AOLA. Maybe he is so old he can’t see the meter reads well now, so they put him out giving talks at failing missions? And is he the same James Byrne who I read used to beat his wife, Enid Byrne?

      Reply

      • Jane Doe 2, I couldn’t help flashing to: “Has James Byrne stopped beating his wife?”, then as I looked at your nic to respond & thinking a bit: “What does Danny ‘Donkey Punch’ Masterson’s WIFE think about his extracurricular activities?

        Reply

        • I was on the BC in 2005 and even back THEN, Byrne was relegated to just doing occasional ten minute talks about the old days.

          Reply

        • His wife. That would be Bijou Phillips. No stranger to “out 2D” is this girl, given her father’s and half-sister’s shenanigans along that line. She probably knows very well the truth about her ever-lovin’ hubby and has very likely herself had to deal with it from time to time, yet believes that her husband’s predeliction for donkey punching is not HIM but his “case” which of course “will get all sorted out and handled” on the Bridge. In fact, I’m sure she believes this. I’d love to have a look at HER PC folders! THAT’s where you’d find the truth about Mr. Masterson, fer sherr!

          Reply

          • And it just occurred to me that Bijou Phillips, even if she is totally disgusted by what she knows is true and therefore WANTS to dump Danny, is probably being pressured by the cult to stay married to him, as a divorce in this case would reflect badly on, and be VERY “Out PR” for – you guessed it – the cult!

            Reply

    • Mary, these ARE the Thursday Funnies. ANYthing that comes out of Davey’s little fiefdom is grist for the mill.

      Reply

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